Live with Los Lurkers Locos
ECW - "Fight the Power" 6/1/96
Greetings all, Rev Ray with even yet still another story from the
road. This is the first of two posts concerning the LLL Summer
o' Love/Tour De Farce which probably will be hitting an indie near you
Lord Tom, Steve the Insane and myself made plans to do ECW and
MEWF this weekend after we scrapped the idea of going to LA for
the Interpromotional Show a few months ago. We meet up with
Philly LLL Single J Jeff Crawford, Jeff's brother Josh and his pal
Hillary. We get in the arena and discover that half the usual bleachers
in Viking Hall (aka the ECW Arena) are missing as apparently there
is a bike race today. The only good news out of this is that the
bleachers which usually sit in front of the stage are not there so now
everyone has a clear view of them and now we might actually get to
see the spots up there and not have to wait til they air it on TV.
Note : due to the long weekend, starting this report up a bit late
and dealing with stupid people and problems at work, some of the
events may be inacurate. But hey, you get what you pay for.
Pre-show it is announced that 2 Cold Scorpio is out with a staff
infection (and reportedly had a body tempature as high as 106).
Refunds are offered, but most if not all stay.
Match #1 : "El Puerto Ricano (from Equador... go fig...)" Ubas v.
Dangerous Devon Storm w/ Damien Kane and Lady Alexandra :
Highlight of the match : Lady Alexandra's outfit. Don't get me wrong,
it was a good match, but the outfit was tough to top :-) This was
a good opener to the show and the second time one has opened with
the battle of the Sabu wannabes (Ubas v. Damien 666 last show).
However, the Sabu run in on these two may take awhile as Sabu is
in Japan (as is Hack Myers and Axl Rotten) Devon does a bunch of
fakes at spots, which draws some heat from the fans. I thought it was
pretty good, but Ubas and Devon need to work on their inbetween high
spots (Ubas' punches and kicks usually look pretty bad). Devon did
a sabu "sit them in the chair and plancha out on them spot". Ubas
did a Vader Bomb splash to the floor onto Devon and Damien. Ubas
pays for it later was Damien puts the boots to him when he's laid out
on the floor. Storm wins with a top rope flipping bulldog/DDT type move.
Ubas is standing, Storm jumps off the top rope, flips, grabs Ubas' head
and drives it into the mat on the way down. I thought the match was
good, a few guys were chanting boring which I didn't think was all that
Match #2 : Mikey Whipwreck v. Rob Van Damme : Mikey is limping.
This is not a good sign. Rob is without Bill Alfonso and his whistle.
Pre-match, Rob does the split on the middle ropes and yawns as they
introduce Mikey. Just as the match is about to get underway, Brian
Pillman comes out and starts ranting. I can't see him because of the
crowd standing in front of me, but I'm assuming he was on crutches
or in a wheel chair. I find Pillman is usually difficult to understand
live. Anyway, Mikey comes out to the floor to confront Pillman, when
Mikey turns his back, Pillman starts wailing on him with the crutch.
Van Damme joins him. They put Mikey across the ring apron, Rob puts
a chair on his chest/head, then does a leap over the top rope leg
drop onto Mikey. Mikey thrown in, Van Damme throws the chair to him,
Mikey catches it and Van Damme spin kicks it. He then does a
standing moonsault flip to get the relatively easy win. So-so,
Mikey's hurt, what can you do?
Post match, Pillman rants some more, the words "Gangstas" and "Niggas
with Attitudes" come up, drawing a "Ummmm... I don't think that was
such a smart thing to say" from Steve.
Match #3 : The FBI ("Italian Stallion" JT Smith & Little Guido) v.
The Dudleys (D-Von & Buh-Buh Ray) w/ Sign Guy, Dances With and Chubby
Dudley : JT's usual theme from Rocky plays, but nobody comes out.
When the song finishes, "Fly Me To the Moon" comes over the PA and
the FBI come out. They work the crowd and we're even lucky enough to
hear JT sing a few bars of "Fly Me to the Moon". Dudleys come out,
Buh Buh gets the mic and sings "Fly me to the Ma-ma-ma-" D-Von hits
him. Buh Buh teases leaving as the FBI stare down D-Von, which ends
up in Buh Buh hitting them from behind. I don't know what happened,
but Buh Buh Ray looked like he hurt himself in the course of the match.
End comes with D-Von getting a chair and getting the Dudley's DQed.
D-Von then chairs Buh Buh, DW, Sign Guy and Chubby, then leaves. After
he'd gone, "Highway to Hell" comes up again and Big Dick enters the Arena
through the front door, helps up the Dudley's (even hands Chubby his box
of donut holes after picking him up). So looks like we've got a Dudleys
in-feud coming up. Tom : "Oh boy, Big Dick's back." Whatever.
Interview : Joey comes out to the ring to interview Richards and Raven.
Richards says he's find a new slut for Raven and brings out Devine Brown,
who as was documented earlier, the hooker Hugh Grant was caught with.
Raven says she's not big enough a slut for him and leaves. Stevie says
"well, she's big enough a slut for me..." and carries her off.
Match #4 : Shoot Fight : "Designated Victim" Jason Helton (tai kick
v. Taz (w/ Bill Alfonso & Team Taz). Steve points out that Team Taz looks
like the Jawas from Star Wars... or "Hoodies" (get it, the hooded robes...
ah, nevermind). Taz frustrates Jason early, taking him down a few times,
but Jason fires back with some knee shots, putting Taz down once or twice.
Of course, he blows the whole "Shoot Fight" feel of the event... buy
bouncing off the ring ropes to deliever a forearm smash... Anyways,
eventually, Taz has enough fun, dumps Jason on his head and slaps on the
Taz-mission for the win. During the post match rant, Taz mentions that Sabu
is over in Japan right now, just goes to show how much he cares about the
fans. He issues a challenge anybody, in the crowd is Paul Varlins (sp?)
who seems more than willing to accept the challenge. Taz challenges him
to get in the ring, but instead we get Paul getting dragged away and
breaking from security once or twice. Next show, Paul Varlens from UFC v.
Match #5 : Elimination 6 man tag match : The Bruise Brothers & "Primetime"
Brian Lee v. The Pitbulls & Tommy Dreamer (w/ Kimona, Beulah & Francine).
It's babe-a-mania '96! Pre-match, Stevie comes out and tells us that if
Dreamer/Pits win, they'll get a title shot somewhere down the line. He
says he hopes that Dreamer wins (then explains to Lee/Bruises that he's
still rooting for them, you know, just in case... ) Pitbull #1 comes out
with his arm wrapped up like he was the mummy. I found out later that he's
injured again and maybe out for more than a few months. As a result, the
he gets eliminated quickly and without much fanfare. It's now 2 on 3.
This one turns into (surprise!) a brawl. They go out to the stage
and brawl... and for a change, we can see it. Dreamer does a big
splash from the top stage to the lower one. Dreamer eventually gets
set up and chokeslammed from the top stage through two tables byoing to
have a 10 minute intermission instead of the usual 30 minute one. He also
promises some more surprises and says that if the second half of the show
sucks as bad as the first, he'll be out in the parking lot giving blow jobs.
We d get a regular intermission (a first!) at ECW. It runs about
15 minutes. I spend a little time BSing with some of the IRC crowd
who are in attendence (I'm reallying going to do the Razor Ramon
angle on IRCWF as my RSPWF character since Booker Man Rob Hoffmann
is so quick with cards :-) ) Just kidding of course.
Thoughts on the show thus far. It's hurting. And people are bleeding.
Blood <> a good show.
Match #7 : Lord Stevie Regal (w/ The Earl of Eating : Sir Meanie) v.
The Sandman (w/ Knee Injury and Missy Hyatt) : That's right boys and
girls... it's the Blue MeanieBloods (complete with british accent from
annoucer Joel Gertner). Stevie and Meanie do their homework as
they both do a bunch of Regal's postering (which is pretty funny when
Regal does it... and funnier when Stevie does it). Stevie's shirt reads
"Lord Stevie" with a crest of a chicken, a weasel and a karate guy on
the back, while Meanie sports a "Sir Meanie" shirt with a fork, knife
and spoon as the crest. Sandman limps out with Missy. Stevie is
going to serve papers to Missy for sexual harassment. He talks in a
British accent about the fan's "intoxicated hero" and his manager
who's had several breast augmentations. Stevie serves the Summons
by stuffing it between the wonder of medical science that is Missy
Hyatt's cleavage. Now Raven's foot doctor comes out. Apparently, he
is upset that he spent all his time reconstructing Sandman's knee and
finds him getting in the ring. He also calls him by his real name.
He says Sandman tried to win him over by letting him drink all he
could, but he still won't clear Sandman to wrestle. So, Sandman
sends Missy to do his convincing. Anyway, Sandman gets knocked down,
and the Meanie Boy, Stevie Flair tells us, "Now we go to school!"
and slaps on the figure four. Missy tosses in the cane and as Stevie
sits up, he gets caned in the head by Sandman... several times.
Eventually, they get out of the hold. Stevie takes some more cane
shots but Super Kick's Sandman in the knee. He tries for another
figure four, Sandman small packages him for the win. Post match,
a bloody Raven runs in and attacks Sandman and puts him in the figure
four as Meanie runs off Missy. During the intermission, it seems
Raven tried to clot the blood from his earlier cut by wiping his face
with sandpaper... he's juicing up a storm... much worse than when he
left. Post match, Tod Gordon and EMT's attempt to get Sandman out of
the ring, this takes awhile.
Joey Styles comes out and tells us that the Gangstas have requested
interview time. Joey gives them the microphone and wisely takes off.
Needless to say, New Jack and Mustafa aren't exactly pleased with
Mr. Pillman's comments. New Jack mentions how when they came in,
they had to leave the racial bit behind. He asks the crowd if they
see any niggas? No, because there aren't any. He goes off on WCW
and WWF for their Ze Gangsta and Gangstas in Paradise gimmicks, and
how he's not happy about Paul E. bringing in WWF and WCW guys when
they haven't done anything for the company. He also mentions that
the locker room held him back from getting at Pillman and he promises
Pillman that he will get him. He also mentions a certain incident in
WCW where Pillman and Zenk were apparently caught buttfucking in a
locker room. Needless to say, they're not happy campers. They give
credit to the Eliminators, Saturn split his head open the night
before, but he still was going to make the match.
Match #8 : Shane Douglas v. ? : Shane comes out and mentions how he
is upset that 2 Cold took the easy way out. He says he wants some
competition, he says he wants Sandman, but he can't wrestle. He says
he wants Dreamer, but he's in the back coughing up blood. So he
challenges El Puerto Ricano. Ubas comes out and goes a quick job to
the belly to belly suplex. Shane challenges anyone else... out comes....
Match #9 : Shane Douglas v. "499" Don E. Allen : not to be out done,
Don E. does an even quicker job to Shane. Steve and Tom mention that
if there was a time for a surprise to show up, now would be it.
Cactuskind would be awful nice. Fans start a Taz! chant. I hope for
Rob Van Damme. Instead we get....
Match #10 : Shane Douglas v. Dangerous Devon Storm (or Danny Bonaduce
as Steve likes to call him) Devon gets the microphone and sings
"Come on get happy..." No... he tells Shane that he's the talk of
the WCW locker room, not Michaels, McMahon or the WWF... and the
talk is about what a shit he really is. Devon Storm? You're the
next contestant on Do the Job! Belly to Belly, Storm's out. Shane
calls out "the boy wonder" Mikey Whipwreck. Mikey hobbles out to the
ring. I think you all know how much I love Shane and how much I am
thoughly enjoying Shane Squashfest '96 by now.
Match #11 : Shane Douglas v. Mikey Whipwreck : Mikey doesn't fair
to well either... and he falls victim to the figure four. You know,
any minute a surprise would be nice... Vader... Hey Van Damme, where
the hell are you? Out comes Super Nova, Pitbull 2, Francine and a
few other people to help clean up the carnage. Shane asks Super Nova
if he wants a shot, but apparently he left his Zord double parked.
He then makes fun of Pitbull #2 (calling him Anthony and an ugly
bald son of a bitch) #2 blows him off. So Shane goes on about how
in the locker room, he's seen it all. Devine Brown, Missy blowing
half the guys back there, Beulah and Kimona doing their thing... and
how ugly it was. But he says that Francine is without a double the
ugliest bitch back there. Apparently Shane needs glasses now. So
not taking this so kindly we get....
Match #12 : Shane Douglas v. Francine : Francine opens with a massive
bitch slap at the bell! We could have a new champ! Steve and I
lend coaching advice calling for "Knee to the nads!" But she ignores
us and ends up on the receiving end of a belly to belly suplex. Hey,
it's our manditory "Francine takes a bump" spot of the night.
Francine, you've convinced us you can take a shot... you don't have
to get beat up every show.... But seeing his manager get suplex has
sudden made Pitbull 2 interested int he TV title.
Match #13 : Shane Douglas v. Pitbull #2 : Both guys put on a good to
OK match. However, the crowd just seemed dead... probably because of
squash-a-mania. The match ends with Shane going for the belly to
belly superplex, but Pitbull #2 turns it into a superbomb for the
pin and to become the New ECW TV Champ. Shane acts real upset for
someone who was running down the TV title. Isn't PB 2 winning the
belt freeing him for the World title? I like Pitbull 2, I think he
deserves a push and I understand with PB 1 being out, they have to
do something with him.... I dunno... it just seemed too quick.
Joel Gertner comes out and tells us since the main event will not
be sactioned, the show is over, good night and have a safe trip home.
And then announces the Main Event. Would have been cute if the card
had been better... but we're all just a buzz right now....
Main Event : Match #14 : The Eliminators v. The Gangstas :
Question : How can an unsanctioned match be for the Tag Titles?
Pre-match, Saturn tells the Gangstas he doesn't care what color they
are, they're still going to kick their asses. The match is on. New
Jack gouges Saturn during the course of the match with a fork. Saturn
starts bleeding a little (not monster juice, but he was bleeding).
The match was good to OK. But... at this point a "Where's our blow
jobs?" chant starts. The Gangstas stack the Elims on a table and
Mustafa attempts to splash them through a table, but it won't go.
So instead, they push Saturn off and 'Stafa puts Kronos through a
table. Then we have a run in by the Gangstas of Paradise. This
must be one of those surprises. Yeah, it's a surprise. So it's
getting socks at Christmas, but I don't look forward to it.
Anyways, the Samoans leave and the Elims give both Gangstas
Total Elimination (one of them looked like they hit it backwards.)
Elims get the win. They remind the Gangstas, they don't care
what color they are, they'll kick his ass.
End of show.
After-thoughts : A disappointment. Granted that a lot of guys
were hurt, there's not much you can do. Well, we look forward
to the next night of wrestling while being puzzled where things
went wrong tonight.
I'll be working on my thoughts of the MEWF show. So til the next
This note's for you.
| Ray Duffy, Rev. ULC, MiSTy #38729, Mouthpiece of Los Lurkers Locos
| "You're not cool enough to be my friends." - Dancin' Stevie Richards to
| Los Lurkers Locos 7/95
| "I've had enough of you Todd Pettengill!" - Sandman to Joey Styles ECW TV
Ray Duffy, MiSTy #38729, Rev. of ULC, Internet F**khead, As Seen On TV
"You're not cool enough to be my friends"- Steve Richards on Los Lurkers
"I've had enough of you, Todd Pettingil!" - Sandman to Joey Styles - ECW TV
http://soho.ios.com/~fender/lllad.html : The Los Lurkers Locos Adventure