DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REPORT #92 -FOGHAT BABY PT 1
psch...@american.edu
STAN HANSEN! BRUISER BRODIE! and THE FUNKS! double our fun! CHICAGO EXPRESS!
Try's hisFirst and Last Tope! RIPPA watches LLPW so you don't have to!
GOKAR!GOKAR!GOKAR! SOLOMON GRUNDY is ever fatter then DEAN!
and more things....
If you are looking for another 45 pages of dull as sawdust, GAEA reviews or
LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS FOR NO REASON wait till next week. This is FOGHAT
patna and were the straw the broke the camels back. The Man who's index
finger smells like Mrs. Duffy, Phil Schneider, takes on some Empress Mundial
Lucha Libre and some Jumborific All Japan. The Man who Gorilla Pimped you 85
year old Grandma, Phil Rippa, is taking on the Ladies Legend Pro Wrestling
and the days of blood and roses in All Japan. The Man Who Shot Liberty
Valance, Mike Naimark, takes on some Judo Gene LeBell shoot crappyness. So
sit back and enjoy the ride.
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EMLL TV (2/6/99)
(SCHEINDER)
Astro Rey Jr. + La Pantera + Brazo De Oro vs. Archangel De La Muerte + Karloff
Lagarde Jr. + Ultimo Guerrero
These are a bunch of the midcarders in EMLL, all of whom rule (well Oro
doesn't rule, but he is married to the super hot Lady Apache, and thus is an
inspiration to fat guys everywhere). The main focus of this match was the hate
between Archangel and Astro Rey, but it had some Funky Fresh moments from the
other participants. Ultimo took the big Psicosis ringpost bump, except he hit
the top of the ringpost before flying to the floor. Plus Brazo was moving
around pretty good for such a fat ass. However it was La Pantera that stole
the show on this night. Pantera has always been one of the smoothest
luchadores in the world, a tendency which actual detracts from some of his
matches, as his moves looked so effortless that they just look like
interpretive dance or something. The truly great luchadores combine this
effortlessness with real force and intensity. This match had the
normal Pantera awesomeness, but he seemed to have that little extra, as he hit
a spectacular Super Frankensteiner to win the first fall, and hit the bossiest
highspot of the show with the running somersault senton to Karloff Largarde
who is lying face first on the floor. Pretty neat although a little deficient
in mat wrestling.
Super Kendo + Olympus + Kid Guzman vs. Chicago Express + Rencor Latino + Mogur
Latino and Guzman are the jewels in this match, as they both are flashy
Luchadores with a future, who are currently in the dregs of the undercard. I
am unsure whether Super Kendo is the same as original irritating Kendo of
Hamada's UWF and Michinoku fame, but he wrestles the same loose comedy
intensive style, Olympus is so not Olympico. Mogur is about as underwhelming
as it gets and Chicago Express is almost lazy and suckass enough to be
headlining. Guzman is about 15, with a 1992 Shawn Michaels mullet and really
bad salmon pants. He does hit a nice tope and a sweet backflip headscissors
thingy to the floor. Rencor Latino bumps like a true young rudo, and hits a
beautiful tope-con-hilo with his body fully extended, although he needs a
cooler mask to truly contend with Violencia and Black Warrior. This match was
very hit and miss until the end. Latino hits the aformentioned tope-con-hilo,
then Chicago, who has never done anything in his whole crappy career,
decides, in a fit of dementia, to try a tope suicida, the suicida part fits
as his big fat gut catches on the top rope and he falls to the floor landing
back first on the concrete. They go quickly to the finish, as EMLL Theismanns
the replay a good half a dozen times. Quite an unnecessary match, but the
death of Chicago Express is worth seeing.
Universo 2000 + Mascara Ano 2000 + Bestia Salvaje vs. Brazo De Plata + Solomon
Grundy + Mr Niebla
Mr. Niebla is one of the most impressive luchadores in the world, but El Hijo
Del Jesus Christ couldn't save the bacon of this match. Speaking of bacon this
was my first chance to see the legendary Solomon Grundy, who looked a lot like
Jerry Blackwell and Uncle Elmer's hellspawn. Grundy and Plata are really fat.
Their fatness befuddles the comically inept rudos, those rudos mail it in.
Fatties win, Phil is unamused.
Shocker + Lizmark + Ringo Medoza vs. Violencia + Rey Buccanaro + Apollo Dantes
Kind of short match with the highlight being the SUPER CHOICE Canary Yellow
Violencia mask. Dantes hit a nice Black Tiger Bomb. Rey and Vio killed
themselves. Lizmark was graceful for an oldster. Ringo looked a little less
embalmed then usual. Way too short to be really good though.
Blue Panther + Black Warrior + Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Atlantis + Felino + Emilio
Charles Jr.
This match was for the rudos six-man titles and was the best match on the
show. The first two falls were real good but didn't have the extended Panther
matwork or insane Warrior bumps to push it to the next level. The third fall
was all that and the proverbial bag of chips however. They had a bunch of
broken lucha submission holds for near falls, then it really kicks in with
Black Warrior hitting his awesome out of control tope. The ending is great as
Atlantis makes Blue Panther submit to the lucha torture rack, and as he is
celebrating Wagner hits him with the Wagner Driver for the pin and the win
(Atlantis was the captain and it Lucha Libre you have to tap out or pin
either the captain or the two other wrestlers, IT'S LUCHA, IT AIN'T WHAT YOU
ARE USED TO!) Really cool match, the ending was a lot more heated then most
Lucha matches which belied the importance of the titles.Warrior, Wagner and
Panther are the best rudo trio in wrestling and I want to see lots more title
matches.
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All Japan Classics (4/18-4/22/???)
(The Other Phil)
Terry & Dory Funk vs. Bruiser Brodie/Stan Hansen
Take a moment to bask in the goodness that these four names bring. Everyone
is young and spunky, well except Dory, who is still old but at least he has
some hair in this match. A really choice thing is that everyone decides to
have a straight up wrestling match just because they can. Stiffness rules the
day as no body part is safe. Dory absolutely mauls Brodie with some European
uppercuts. A little training manual should be made with clips of Brodie and
Hansen delivering kneedrops, legdrops, elbows and boots the proper way. Right
across the throat and right in the face, respectively. Hansen and Brodie play
the roles of the heels even though all four are wildly over with the crowd.
Dory Morton Jr gets worked over as Hansen and Brodie trade off applying a
bear hug. Quote from match: "SQUEEZE!" Bruiser Brodie. Terry is fairly sane
on this day. Only once does the bizarre Funk overselling rear its head as
Funk punches the air a couple of times after Hansen knocks him woozy. The
Funks gain control by attacking Brodie with his own boot. Cheap ending as
Brodie and Hansen double team Terry as Dory gets distracted by the ref. A
spike piledriver is all Dory can bear witness too as he gets fired up (well
as fired up as Dory ever gets), and shoves the ref across the ring earning
himself a DQ. The two teams brawl for a little and then Hansen and Brodie
hightail it back to the dressing room. Terry rants in the ring for at least
five minutes just yelling "HAN-SEN! BRO-DIE! SONNAVABITCH!" The ending was
weird but what was even weirder was that there was: no double kneedrop, no
lariat, no spinning toehold and no blood. It was like going to a Bad Company
concert and were they don't play "Bad Company" or going to a Gladys Knight
concert and not hearing "Midnight Train to Georgia" (which actually happened
to me.)
Terry & Dory Funk vs. Bruiser Brodie/Stan Hansen
The rematch from four days later. It's good to see that everyone is still
surly and wanting to beat the hell out of each other. The whole first half of
the match is like some bizzaro street fight as everyone stops brawling so
they can switch and beat on the other guy. There were moments where you could
see Hansen thinking, "Terry, I'm tired off beating your carcass. I want Dory.
Out of my way little man." I really dug it since it played up the hatred
between the four, as no one cared about winning, they just wanted to waffle
each other. Of course, the best moment was when Ultimo Hansen stands Dory up
and starts plastering the back of the elder Funks' knee. The second part of
the match begins as Terry gets his back introduced to the ring post three
times. Brodie and Hansen smell blood and start crushing Terry's back and
yelling at him to give. Terry refuses and eventually gets off a backdrop
driver to allow the tag. Dory and Hansen go at it the ring while Terry and
Brodie pair off on the outside. That led to Brodie getting posted a minimum
of six times which in turns led to Brodie carving himself up. Terry keeps
selling the back which slows his progress back into the ring which is key.
Bruiser grabs his chain and hits the ring. The ref tries to stop him which
earns him a boot in the stomach. It also earns Brodie a DQ but he doesn't
care as he has Dory in his crosshairs. Unfortunately, Brodie has to fight
through a swarm of ring attendants who want to stop the carnage. That allows
Dory to defend himself but soon it is a two-on-one. Dory gets set up for the
lariat but Terry makes the save at the last minute by tackling Hansen. So
more brawling takes place before everyone is separated. I am little
disappointed in the fact that neither match had a clean ending but the
matches were still enjoyable.
Mike Naimark's World o Shootin'
(Naimark)
Why hello dere shootofightin fans! Today's episode of professional
beatings originates from the heart of the good ol' US-of-A, but before
we hop on that bus to Birmingham Alabama (and remember, you
DVD-Hollandaise fans have to sit in the back), I need to mention that
the 閃elissa' email virus has capsized the University of Tennessee's
mail server, and ambushed my account. As of today, I do not know if I
will be able to recover my undeleted email, which includes all of the
submissions from the last DVD-Foghat MMA Trivia contest. The answer to,
"Who was the largest man to ever compete in MMA" was, of course, the
bulbous Emmanuel Yarborough, the 660 lb sumo from UFC3. Until such time
as I can resolve this mishap, the trivia contest is suspended, because
unlike some OTHER DVD pretenders out there, we here at DVD- Foghat
believe that "Taking Care of Business" means more than just tipping the
pizza delivery boy.
WORLD FIGHTING FEDERATION
If you go around some 双ld school' circles in pro-wrestling, you might
hear the codgers mention the name 賎ene LeBell' in hushed tones, with
the quiet reverence one usually associates with the way they discuss
Elvis in Memphis, or George Michael in the men's room of the Rusty
Nail. HEY! I'm JUST KIDDING! Nobody cares about Elvis in Memphis
anymore!
Gene LeBell, or 遷udo Gene', carried the banner of submissions grappling
in America back when 喪eal tough guys' duked it out like 僧en', rather
than roll on the ground like a bunch of sissies. Judo Gene taught
American armed forced, palled around with Bruce Lee, and even had time
to write 禅he Professional Wrestling Submissions Bible', a book of
actually shoot-style pro- wrestling submissions holds, including the
Boston Crab, chicken-wing crossface, and notorious figure-four leglock!
[Note - Go to the library NOW and see if they have it! The Memphis
Public Library has a dog-eared soft-cover copy from 1975; its hilarious,
totally serious, and will inspire me to soaring plateaus of brilliance
when I devise a scheme to defeat the library security and own this
precious literary gem!] 遷udo Gene' occupies the 喪esident legend'
position in American groundfighting pantheon today, and runs a school
which has attracted some of the best-known students in fighting. The
World Fighting Federation was an ill-fated attempt by LeBell to market
mixed-martial-arts (MMA) competition after the financial successes of
the early UFCs. The event took place in a boxing ring and featured an
enormous amount of in-ring talent, but sadly, at no time do TWO talented
fighters occupy the SAME ring. The event flopped as a PPV when several
cable companies pulled out in the final weeks. Even the crowd in
Birmingham, Alabama stayed home in record droves, resulting in a eerie
televised effect which reminded me of the house shows in the dying days
of the USWA. Still, the show has this certain enchanting quality to it,
due in no small part to the Goldberg-esque appeal of watching fighters
with enormous international reputation steamroll over hapless jobrones.
Every match features a fighter who is either a student of LeBell's, an
instructor in LeBell's dojo, or one of LeBell's "private baby-oil
wrestling" buddies.
WARNING - This event features what I believe to be the first and only
MMA event officiated by a man named David Hales. Described by the
announcers as a Tae-Kwon-Do black belt, Hales is easily the WORST MMA
REFEREE that I've ever seen captured on videotape. Even Andy 禅ry the
Tittyburgers' Anderson puts this stooge to shame.
KARO DAUTYAN (5'10 180lb, Sambo, judo) v MATT GLAVINE (5'9 175)
I may have gotten Glavine's name wrong here, as my copy of the tape has
no sound until midway through this match, and the tattooed tough guy
(who looks suspiciously like the DJ from House of Pain) doesn't get an
onscreen statistics graphic. Karo hails from Armenia and wears these
skimpy stripey bicycle shorts. Glavine shoots and eats a right hook,
shoots and eats a right uppercut, and then shoots and grabs a single-leg
to take Karo to the ground. Karo works from the guard to reverse his
position and grabs an arm for a straight armlock, but Matt wiggles
free. Karo regroups and makes another play for the arm, but is again
rebuked. Glavine uses a burst of energy to work his way high into
Karo's guard and pepper his face with reasonably good punches, then
manages to leave the guard and gain the side-mount as Karo tries to
cover up. A few knees to the ribs (and you can imagine how much THAT
hurts from a side-mount), and Glavine starts wailing away with winging
punches, most of which whiz harmlessly past Karo's head or off his
shooto gloves. BUT WAIT! Here's our referee David Hales! He steps in
and stops the fight! Did Karo tap? No? Is he hurt? No? The
announcers hastily try and devise an explanation; corner threw in the
towel? Tapped with his foot? Tapped with an ear? After some
off-camera bitchslapping from Gene LeBell, Hales re-starts the match.
Glavine shoots and drives Karo into the ropes, where they exchange
dueling front facelocks until Karo gets pushed out of the ring, forcing
a restart. Boxing rings are a bad choice for MMA - the cage is the
proper environment. On the restart, Glavine eats a right uppercut/left
cross combo on his way to a single-leg takedown, but as Karo goes to the
ground, he seems to scoot his ass across the mat to tumble out of the
ring again! What the heck? Another restart! Glavine takes a weak
shoot, Karo counters with a weak punch, and we're seeing some weak
fighting. Another takedown by Glavine, another butt-scootin' boogie
from Karo. UGH. ANOTHER restart, with Karo missing some arm-weary
punches before falling prey to a waistlock takedown. He takes Glavine
into the guard and absorbs a handful of headbutts before Glavine floats
over into the side mount, and then....THE BELL RINGS? WHAT THE FUDGE?
Referee Dave 閃y eyes atrophied from growing up in a cave' Hales stops
the fight and awards it to Matt Glavine! Did Karo tap? No? Did
he....ah hell, who cares, this fight sucked.
Winner by default, Matt Glavine.
JOE 賎hetto Man' CHARLES (6'1 255 Judo/JJ) v DAN BOBISH (6'1 290
shootfighting)
You GOTTA love Joe Charles! In the early days of the UFC, Charles
delivered some of the most surreal moments in the history of American
MMA! He gave his first UFC interview wearing a gold turban, flowing
robes, and curly-toed Iron Sheik-style boots, and then demonstrated a
mystical technique that apparently involved juggling ONE cannon ball. I
CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! Then Dan Severn kicked his heiney and he went
on to lose a pathetic grappling farce against Vitor Belfort in Japan. I
think he sweeps up at LeBell's dojo. Bobish could pass for Goldberg's
younger brother, and is a 3-time All-American freestyle wrestler.
During the in-ring introductions, Charles inexplicably starts doing
splits in his corner; perhaps to demonstrate the resiliency of his
testicles, or looseness of his blue gi pants. Bobish opens the fight
with a ponderous jab, which Charles ducks in the single greatest burst
of speed in his torpid life! He actually takes Bobish down and ends up
in the FULL MOUNT! Charles just about shits himself - he's seen other
guys in this position before, quick, think! Uh, armlo- no, um, er I
could pun...no...uh.....Too late, Ghetto Man! Bobish rolls on his
stomach and literally walks himself to his feet, where they stand and
grapple, Greco-Roman style. Bobish rolls over Charles and ends up in
the half-guard. He plants a beefy forearm into Charles' throat,
wrestling-style, and grinds him down for a while. A few headbutts and
Charles is bleeding from the nose and mouth. Gene LeBell, who is
commentating for the matches, says that "headbutts and referees should
be outlawed". Then he goes back to drinking lukewarm 閃ister Beer' and
the fight continues. More headbutts from Bobish, the finally a facing
neck crank/sleeper that causes The Ghetto Man to tap out. And tap out.
AND TAP OUT! AND TAP OUT! AND THE REFEREE IS JUST SITTING THERE!!!!!
I'm amazed that LeBell didn't jump straight into full-blown 遷oe Pesci
Mode' and start smacking the fuck out of this bozo right then and
there! FINALLY this TKD dipshit stops the fight. Better late then
never, right, you moron?
Winner, DAN BOBISH!
STEVE SEDDON (5'10 220 Muay-Thai) v HUGO DURATE (6'2 240 Luta Livre)
Hugo Duarte is a freakin' stud of a fighter from Brazil. He's fought
the best in the biz, and is fearless and confident to the extreme.
銑uta Livre' means 素ree fighting' in Portuguese; the Spanish equivalent
would be 銑ucha Libre', but unless you can call Durate caving in a
chump's face with his forehead a 奏ope' the two styles have little in
common. Seddon looks suspiciously similar to Rob Van Dam, but sports an
absolutely bizarre tattoo that covers his entire back with some
outlandish futuresque image. And incredibly enough, I recognize the
image, though I can't place from where. I think it was the cover of a
VoiVod album or something; perhaps that egg- sucking
Hollandaise-drenched muffin Rassmussen can enlighten us with his
extensive knowledge of crappy headbanging bands and their artistic
whims. LeBell says the Las Vegas odds on this match are 17-1 for
Durate. LeBell probably thinks he's IN Vegas right now, from the way
he's yammering. Duarte shoots immediately and grabs Seddon with a
waistlock, quickly dragging him to the mat. Side mount, easily into the
full-mount, and the muay-thai fighter is in a world of shit and Duarte
unloads a couple of strikes. Seddon flips over like a flapjack and gets
choked out in a mere 28 seconds. The referee actually saw the tap-out
the FIRST TIME.
Winner - HUGO DUARTE!
OLEG TAKTAROV (6' 220 Sambo) v CHUCK KIM (5'8 180 wrestling, karate)
You all remember Oleg, of course, from his storied history in the UFC.
Oleg won UFC 6 by outlasting Tank Abbott in Abbott's MMA debut, and went
on to have a lengthy draw with Ken Shamrock at UFC7. Oleg's historical
problem has been that he loves to stand and box (a fact he re-enforces
during his prefight interview where he claims to work almost exclusively
on striking in his current training, as John Snowden correctly said in a
response to an earlier DVDVR review of mine), leading to spectacular
knockouts at the hands of stronger fighters like Gary Goodridge in
Japan. But on the ground, Oleg is elite. He's got sambo moves I've
never seen before, and pulled off an absolutely picture-perfect
Tartarkin roll (Goldberg's rolling kneelock thingy) into a kneebar to
defeat Dave Bennetau in the UFC. Chuck Kim is, uh, Chuck Kim, so there
you go. Chuck shoots for a double-leg, Oleg neatly sprawls, grabs a
guillotine choke, and obstructs Kim's breathing until he taps. Yep,
thats it. The announcers amazingly claim that the match lasted an
entire 22 seconds, which I find hard to believe. This match is so short
is should be used as a measuring stick for premature ejaculation. Hey
Chuck Kim! That ain't egg on your face!
Winner by submission, OLEG TAKTAROV!
Gene LeBell claims that he threatened to cut off Oleg's vodka supply if
he didn't dispense of Kim quickly. He's so tickled by that remark that
he runs over to ringside where Oleg is being interviewed, and barges in
to repeat the 阻oke' again on-camera! Oleg stands next to Frank
Shamrock (with his old nose) and Gene LeBell, and talks about his movie
career.
TOM ERIKSON (6'4 290 Freestyle wrestling) v DAVIN WRIGHT (6' 340
羨merican Freeform')
Tom Erikson is one of the top superheavyweight freestyle wrestlers on
the planet. He's also a well-seasoned veteran of MMA competition,
having clubbed down suckers on three continents, including Japan and
Brazil. As an alternate in the 1996 Olympics, Erikson is truly worthy
of respect as a fighter and an athlete. So that's why the putz doing the
prefight interviewing asks the former World Games freestyle wrestling
Gold-medalist to explain the differences between freestyle, college, and
pro-wrestling. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! Erikson, to his credit, doesn't
twist the clueless nimrod into a knot, and I notice that he actually
does look sort of like 腺ruiser' Bob Swetan. Davin Wright is a big fat
butterball with a bogus martial art. The announcers mention that his
job is "collecting money"; so you've got one of the most feared fighters
in the world on your card, and you match him up with some local-yokel
thug? Some amateur legbreaker goon? Have another shot of Schnapps,
Judo Gene, I'm buying. Wright has the balls to say that he doesn't
think Erikson will be able to take him down. So Erikson shoots after 5
seconds and easily takes Wright down with a single-leg before clubbing
his skull with some thunderous punches. Rather than go for a choke as
Wright turns, Erikson just keeps hammering away with thudding blows
until the referee finds his contact lens and stops the fight at the 42
scond mark. WINNER BY TKO - TOM ERIKSON!
After the fight Erikson is joined in the post-match interview by Mark
Coleman; at the time, Coleman was the defending 2-time UFC champ, and so
he quickly went into his usual spiel about the greatness of wrestlers
and how freestyle wrestlers have proven to be the best fighters in the
world, yadda yadda yadda. Soon after, Coleman would lose to a
*kickboxer* with no groundfighting experience, Maurice Smith, and then
get knocked out by Shamrock rookie Pete Williams. Having seen these
fights makes Coleman's boasting much more tolerable.
The MAAAAAAIN EVENT! Folks, we got a LEGEND in the ring tonight!
GOKAR CHIVICHYAN (5'10 185, Sambo, submissions) v Mr. Maeda (6'2 240
Judo, Muay- Thai)
Mr. Maeda is announced as being a Japanese judo champion and an
international Muay-Thai champion, claiming a MMA record of 200-0. Yeah
right. The REAL boss of the ring here is Gokar, the closest thing
America has to its own Gracie. Besides, how can you NOT like a guy with
a name like 賎okar'? "Beware, puny mortal! You cannot resist the power
of GOKAR!" Gokar is an Armenian fighter who gained an enormous
reputation in both grappling/judo/sambo tournaments and in the
underground fighting world as a submissions grappler without peer.
Although I've only seen him fight twice, he's been brilliant both times,
and I've yet to hear anybody disparage his reputation or knock his claim
of being undefeated over 15 years. Gokar fights so rarely these days,
preferring to devote most of him time to training and teaching grappling
at Gene LeBell's dojo, that this is a unique opportunity for fight
fans. Maeda, er, 閃ister' Maeda, is 240lbs of totally ripped-to-shreds
muscle, and claims before the fight to be too quick for a grappler to
defeat. This seems to be a trend in these fights tonight. Gokar rushes
in and clinches, quickly gets hand control over the larger Maeda, and
skillfully drags the rube over his hip and to the ground. After a
moment of silent laughter, Gokar whirls from the side mount into the
full mount, and around into a cross-armbreaker. Maeda locks his mighty
muscled arms together to prevent Goakr from locking out his arm, but
Gokar's wirely 5'9 180lb frame has too much power for Maeda to resist.
In a flash, his arm is being wrenched hideously against the elbow and
Gene LeBell is engaging in some sort of primal autoerotic howling in
full public view. This match took all of 40 seconds.
WINNER BY SUBMISSION, GOKAR CHIVICYAN!
And there ya go! 6 fights, total in-ring time of under 10 minutes, and
more than half of that was in the first fight. Gene LeBell staggered
back to his dojo, and the various fighters continued their careers with
varying degrees of success. The WFF folded before it even got off the
ground, Gokar went back to teaching (this was, I believe, his last
public match), and the referee David Hales faded into well-deserved
obscurity until today, when we kind souls at Death Valley Driver- Foghat
finally gave him a single relevant hit on a search engine somewhere.
So ya'll come on back next time for another heapin' helpin' of homestyle
shootostyle ass- whoopin' goodness! Remember at DVD-Foghat, "Takin Care
of Business" ain't just the chorus from the greatest song ever to be
written in 4/4 time, its our way of life!
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
lr...@mailexcite.com
> the 閃elissa' email virus has capsized the University of Tennessee's
> mail server, and ambushed my account. As of today, I do not know if I
> will be able to recover my undeleted email, which includes all of the
> submissions from the last DVD-Foghat MMA Trivia contest. The answer to,
> "Who was the largest man to ever compete in MMA" was, of course, the
> bulbous Emmanuel Yarborough, the 660 lb sumo from UFC3. Until such time
> as I can resolve this mishap, the trivia contest is suspended, because
> unlike some OTHER DVD pretenders out there, we here at DVD- Foghat
> believe that "Taking Care of Business" means more than just tipping the
> pizza delivery boy.
NO TRIVIA CONTEST!?!?!?!? I am PISSED. Important life lesson here: never
trust anyone (or anything) named Melissa.
> WORLD FIGHTING FEDERATION
ene LeBell, or 遷udo Gene', carried the banner of submissions grappling
> in America back when 喪eal tough guys' duked it out like 僧en', rather
> than roll on the ground like a bunch of sissies. Judo Gene taught
> American armed forced, palled around with Bruce Lee, and even had time
> to write 禅he Professional Wrestling Submissions Bible', a book of
> actually shoot-style pro- wrestling submissions holds, including the
> Boston Crab, chicken-wing crossface, and notorious figure-four leglock!
This is some funny shit. I must stress both "funny" and "shit", as a) LeBelle
has quite the psychotic sense of humor, and b) (possibly related to a)) trying
these holds in an actual fight will probably get you killed. Maimed at least.
] 遷udo Gene' occupies the 喪esident legend'
> position in American groundfighting pantheon today, and runs a school
> which has attracted some of the best-known students in fighting. The
> World Fighting Federation was an ill-fated attempt by LeBell to market
> mixed-martial-arts (MMA) competition after the financial successes of
> the early UFCs. The event took place in a boxing ring and featured an
> enormous amount of in-ring talent, but sadly, at no time do TWO talented
> fighters occupy the SAME ring. The event flopped as a PPV when several
> cable companies pulled out in the final weeks.
The "plan" was to have an on-going, multi-show tournament to determine a WFF
champ. The "big names" (a term I use oh-so-loosely) were promised easy 1st
round fights. Your major stumbling block, of course, would be that about 4
people paid to see this show.
> KARO DAUTYAN (5'10 180lb, Sambo, judo) v MATT GLAVINE (5'9 175)
Dang. Not even a "big name".
> Referee Dave 閃y eyes atrophied from growing up in a cave' Hales stops
> the fight and awards it to Matt Glavine! Did Karo tap? No? Did
> he....ah hell, who cares, this fight sucked.
Fight called due to boredom? It's a thought. Would've saved me a ton of time
at UFC 9.
> JOE 賎hetto Man' CHARLES (6'1 255 Judo/JJ) v DAN BOBISH (6'1 290
> shootfighting)
Bobish is actually a wrestler, whatever they say. NCAA Div III champ, IIRC.
> You GOTTA love Joe Charles! In the early days of the UFC, Charles
> delivered some of the most surreal moments in the history of American
> MMA! He gave his first UFC interview wearing a gold turban, flowing
> robes, and curly-toed Iron Sheik-style boots, and then demonstrated a
> mystical technique that apparently involved juggling ONE cannon ball. I
> CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! Then Dan Severn kicked his heiney and he went
Which pales in comparison to the MONKEY ROLL OF PAIN AND AGONY~! he debuted v
Oleg Taktarov at WVC I. Joe's the man, bay-by.
> on to lose a pathetic grappling farce against Vitor Belfort in Japan. I
The word you're looking for is "work", Mike. Memo to Vitor - next time, bring
in one of the RINGS guys, who at least might carry your carcass to something
halfway interesting. Or not so obvious.
esticles, or looseness of his blue gi pants. Bobish opens the fight
> with a ponderous jab, which Charles ducks in the single greatest burst
> of speed in his torpid life! He actually takes Bobish down and ends up
> in the FULL MOUNT! Charles just about shits himself - he's seen other
You're making that up. He didn't. He couldn't. Joe Charles got mount?
> guys in this position before, quick, think! Uh, armlo- no, um, er I
> could pun...no...uh.....Too late, Ghetto Man! Bobish rolls on his
> stomach and literally walks himself to his feet, where they stand and
> grapple, Greco-Roman style. Bobish rolls over Charles and ends up in
> the half-guard. He plants a beefy forearm into Charles' throat,
> wrestling-style, and grinds him down for a while. A few headbutts and
> Charles is bleeding from the nose and mouth. Gene LeBell, who is
> commentating for the matches, says that "headbutts and referees should
> be outlawed".
That Gene-O. What a kidder.
Seriously, I've heard him do commentary twice (Extrem Fighting 4 and Oleg's
instructional bullshit tape) and he's sounded drunk, clueless, or both both
times.
Then he goes back to drinking lukewarm 閃ister Beer' and
> the fight continues. More headbutts from Bobish, the finally a facing
> neck crank/sleeper that causes The Ghetto Man to tap out. And tap out.
> AND TAP OUT! AND TAP OUT! AND THE REFEREE IS JUST SITTING THERE!!!!!
Making up for the last one, maybe? One too-soon stop plus one too-late stopo
equals two okay stops? I'm just throwing out ideas here.
> Winner, DAN BOBISH!
Bobish is a stud. Someone should bring him in again.
> STEVE SEDDON (5'10 220 Muay-Thai) v HUGO DURATE (6'2 240 Luta Livre)
>
> Hugo Duarte is a freakin' stud of a fighter from Brazil. He's fought
> the best in the biz, and is fearless and confident to the extreme.
He's a worthless overhyped piece of shit clueless putz power fighter, you
mean. He's fought three guys worth a damn, to my knowledge, and lost to 'em
all. (Tank Abbott, Rickson Gracie [twice, and RG barely qualifies], and Mark
Kerr, if you're curious)
> 銑uta Livre' means 素ree fighting' in Portuguese; the Spanish equivalent
> would be 銑ucha Libre', but unless you can call Durate caving in a
> chump's face with his forehead a 奏ope' the two styles have little in
> common. Seddon looks suspiciously similar to Rob Van Dam, but sports an
On that note, is it just me, or do Konnan and Conan (Silveria) look a lot
aliek?
> OLEG TAKTAROV (6' 220 Sambo) v CHUCK KIM (5'8 180 wrestling, karate)
>
> You all remember Oleg, of course, from his storied history in the UFC.
Good Oleg "block with his face" Taktarov. You gotta love anyone willing to
bleed that much for your entertainment. What with Severn, Shammy, Frye, and
all the other UFC champs going the worker's route, I'm surprised Oleg didn't
end up in ECW or FMW or something...
> Oleg won UFC 6 by outlasting Tank Abbott in Abbott's MMA debut, and went
> on to have a lengthy draw with Ken Shamrock at UFC7. Oleg's historical
> problem has been that he loves to stand and box (a fact he re-enforces
> during his prefight interview where he claims to work almost exclusively
> on striking in his current training, as John Snowden correctly said in a
> response to an earlier DVDVR review of mine), leading to spectacular
Hey, that was me! I've been screwed! I qu-.
Wait a minute. Never mind.
> knockouts at the hands of stronger fighters like Gary Goodridge in
> Japan. But on the ground, Oleg is elite. He's got sambo moves I've
> never seen before, and pulled off an absolutely picture-perfect
> Tartarkin roll (Goldberg's rolling kneelock thingy) into a kneebar to
> defeat Dave Bennetau in the UFC. Chuck Kim is, uh, Chuck Kim, so there
> you go. Chuck shoots for a double-leg, Oleg neatly sprawls, grabs a
Oleg sprawled? Really?
> guillotine choke, and obstructs Kim's breathing until he taps. Yep,
> thats it. The announcers amazingly claim that the match lasted an
> entire 22 seconds, which I find hard to believe. This match is so short
> is should be used as a measuring stick for premature ejaculation. Hey
> Chuck Kim! That ain't egg on your face!
Eeww!!!!
> Gene LeBell claims that he threatened to cut off Oleg's vodka supply if
> he didn't dispense of Kim quickly. He's so tickled by that remark that
> he runs over to ringside where Oleg is being interviewed, and barges in
> to repeat the 阻oke' again on-camera! Oleg stands next to Frank
> Shamrock (with his old nose) and Gene LeBell, and talks about his movie
> career.
Has anyone seen this so-called movie? I'm just looking for evidence it
exists.
> TOM ERIKSON (6'4 290 Freestyle wrestling) v DAVIN WRIGHT (6' 340
> 羨merican Freeform')
This should be brief. I'm getting round one MARS flashbacks already...
Davin Wright is a big fat
> butterball with a bogus martial art. The announcers mention that his
> job is "collecting money"; so you've got one of the most feared fighters
> in the world on your card, and you match him up with some local-yokel
> thug? Some amateur legbreaker goon? Have another shot of Schnapps,
Actually, I like it. He'll either be good, or you're (literally) fighting
crime. Works for me.
> Judo Gene, I'm buying. Wright has the balls to say that he doesn't
> think Erikson will be able to take him down. So Erikson shoots after 5
LeBell must be sharing that bottle. Drink up, David, it'll kill the pain.
> seconds and easily takes Wright down with a single-leg before clubbing
> his skull with some thunderous punches. Rather than go for a choke as
Well, that would necessitate *knowing* a choke, which I don't believe Tom
does. Crippler crossface-thingy? You bet. Choke? Not so much.
> After the fight Erikson is joined in the post-match interview by Mark
> Coleman; at the time, Coleman was the defending 2-time UFC champ, and so
> he quickly went into his usual spiel about the greatness of wrestlers
> and how freestyle wrestlers have proven to be the best fighters in the
> world, yadda yadda yadda. Soon after, Coleman would lose to a
> *kickboxer* with no groundfighting experience, Maurice Smith, and then
Not to burst your Coleman-bashing bubble (which I'm all for), but Mo'd been
working with the Lion's Den and Tsyoshi Kohsaka on groundwork for nearly a
year at that point.
> get knocked out by Shamrock rookie Pete Williams. Having seen these
And while that was Pete's first UFC fight (and a big jump up in competition)
he'd fought in at least one (maybe more; I'll have to check) Super Brawl in
Hawaii. Beat Joe Charles and some fat boy.
> The MAAAAAAIN EVENT! Folks, we got a LEGEND in the ring tonight!
>
> GOKAR CHIVICHYAN (5'10 185, Sambo, submissions) v Mr. Maeda (6'2 240
> Judo, Muay- Thai)
>
> Mr. Maeda is announced as being a Japanese judo champion and an
> international Muay-Thai champion, claiming a MMA record of 200-0. Yeah
> right. The REAL boss of the ring here is Gokar, the closest thing
> America has to its own Gracie. Besides, how can you NOT like a guy with
> a name like 賎okar'? "Beware, puny mortal! You cannot resist the power
> of GOKAR!" Gokar is an Armenian fighter who gained an enormous
> reputation in both grappling/judo/sambo tournaments and in the
> underground fighting world as a submissions grappler without peer.
> Although I've only seen him fight twice, he's been brilliant both times,
> and I've yet to hear anybody disparage his reputation or knock his claim
> of being undefeated over 15 years. Gokar fights so rarely these days,
I *can* tell you that no one's been able to subsantiate his World judo and
sambo championship claims. I'm not saying he's lost, just that he hasn't won
the items he claims.
Which isn't to say he's not a wicked, evil man.
> preferring to devote most of him time to training and teaching grappling
> at Gene LeBell's dojo, that this is a unique opportunity for fight
> fans. Maeda, er, 閃ister' Maeda, is 240lbs of totally ripped-to-shreds
> muscle, and claims before the fight to be too quick for a grappler to
> defeat. This seems to be a trend in these fights tonight. Gokar rushes
What trend is that? Idiocy?
> in and clinches, quickly gets hand control over the larger Maeda, and
> skillfully drags the rube over his hip and to the ground. After a
> moment of silent laughter, Gokar whirls from the side mount into the
> full mount, and around into a cross-armbreaker. Maeda locks his mighty
> muscled arms together to prevent Goakr from locking out his arm, but
> Gokar's wirely 5'9 180lb frame has too much power for Maeda to resist.
> In a flash, his arm is being wrenched hideously against the elbow and
> Gene LeBell is engaging in some sort of primal autoerotic howling in
> full public view. This match took all of 40 seconds.
I've heard this fight was worked. Your opinion, Mike?
> WINNER BY SUBMISSION, GOKAR CHIVICYAN!
> So ya'll come on back next time for another heapin' helpin' of homestyle
> shootostyle ass- whoopin' goodness! Remember at DVD-Foghat, "Takin Care
> of Business" ain't just the chorus from the greatest song ever to be
> written in 4/4 time, its our way of life!
Lee Casebolt
mnai...@utmem1.utmem.edu
lr...@mailexcite.com wrote:
> In article <7dtg23$vnj$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>,
> psch...@american.edu wrote:
> >
> > Mike Naimark's World o Shootin'
> > (Naimark)
> I need to mention that
> > the 閃elissa' email virus has capsized the University of Tennessee's
> > mail server, and ambushed my account. As of today, I do not know if I
> > will be able to recover my undeleted email, which includes all of the
> > submissions from the last DVD-Foghat MMA Trivia contest. The answer to,
> > "Who was the largest man to ever compete in MMA" was, of course, the
> > bulbous Emmanuel Yarborough, the 660 lb sumo from UFC3. Until such time
> > as I can resolve this mishap, the trivia contest is suspended, because
> > unlike some OTHER DVD pretenders out there, we here at DVD- Foghat
> > believe that "Taking Care of Business" means more than just tipping the
> > pizza delivery boy.
>
> NO TRIVIA CONTEST!?!?!?!? I am PISSED. Important life lesson here: never
> trust anyone (or anything) named Melissa.
Well of course YOU'D be pissed, Lee. You're the guy with the right answer to
every freakin' question. Next time I'm gonna ask if Gary Goodridge crushed
'The Pedros' left or right testicle in Brazil, just so I can have the mental
image of you zoomed in on the freeze-frame!
> > WORLD FIGHTING FEDERATION
> ene LeBell, or 遷udo Gene', carried the banner of submissions grappling
> > in America back when 喪eal tough guys' duked it out like 僧en', rather
> > than roll on the ground like a bunch of sissies. Judo Gene taught
> > American armed forced, palled around with Bruce Lee, and even had time
> > to write 禅he Professional Wrestling Submissions Bible', a book of
> > actually shoot-style pro- wrestling submissions holds, including the
> > Boston Crab, chicken-wing crossface, and notorious figure-four leglock!
>
> This is some funny shit. I must stress both "funny" and "shit", as a) LeBelle
> has quite the psychotic sense of humor, and b) (possibly related to a)) trying
> these holds in an actual fight will probably get you killed. Maimed at least.
Some of the holds are quite legit, even if they aren't the single-most
efficacious submissions holds in the world. He's also got a guillotine
choke, a couple of neck cranks, and an ankle pick hiddden away between the
Cobra Clutches and spinning toeholds. The goofy facial expressions don't
exactly aid the appearance of legitimacy, though. "GRRRRR!!!!"
> ] 遷udo Gene' occupies the 喪esident legend'
> > position in American groundfighting pantheon today, and runs a school
> > which has attracted some of the best-known students in fighting. The
> > World Fighting Federation was an ill-fated attempt by LeBell to market
> > mixed-martial-arts (MMA) competition after the financial successes of
> > the early UFCs. The event took place in a boxing ring and featured an
> > enormous amount of in-ring talent, but sadly, at no time do TWO talented
> > fighters occupy the SAME ring. The event flopped as a PPV when several
> > cable companies pulled out in the final weeks.
>
> The "plan" was to have an on-going, multi-show tournament to determine a WFF
> champ. The "big names" (a term I use oh-so-loosely) were promised easy 1st
> round fights. Your major stumbling block, of course, would be that about 4
> people paid to see this show.
Judo Gene, meet Jack Shit; I hear you two have the same amount of business
acumen....Frank Shamrock was apparently scheduled to make him American MMA
debut at the NEXT WFF show, probably against some chump in a wheelchair.
> > KARO DAUTYAN (5'10 180lb, Sambo, judo) v MATT GLAVINE (5'9 175)
>
> Dang. Not even a "big name".
I think Karo must have been Gokar's pool boy.
> > Referee Dave 閃y eyes atrophied from growing up in a cave' Hales stops
> > the fight and awards it to Matt Glavine! Did Karo tap? No? Did
> > he....ah hell, who cares, this fight sucked.
>
> Fight called due to boredom? It's a thought. Would've saved me a ton of time
> at UFC 9.
UFC9 wasn't THAT bad if you remember to STOP THE DAMN TAPE before Shamrock
and Severn lumber through their horrendous bore-fest (didja read my review of
that match in ana earlier DVDVR? I think its #82). Don Frye v Amaury
Bitteti was a gleefully brutal drubbing, one of my favorite matches from all
the UFCs. And what kind of fan are ya if you didn't love 390lb Koji Kitao
getting wacked by 180lb mumblemouth Mark Hall?
> > JOE 賎hetto Man' CHARLES (6'1 255 Judo/JJ) v DAN BOBISH (6'1 290
> > shootfighting)
>
> Bobish is actually a wrestler, whatever they say. NCAA Div III champ, IIRC.
3 time All-American, so I guess he's one behind Dr Death. I like Bobish, even
though he gets gassed way too quickly to beat a skilled grappler.
> > You GOTTA love Joe Charles! In the early days of the UFC, Charles
> > delivered some of the most surreal moments in the history of American
> > MMA! He gave his first UFC interview wearing a gold turban, flowing
> > robes, and curly-toed Iron Sheik-style boots, and then demonstrated a
> > mystical technique that apparently involved juggling ONE cannon ball. I
> > CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! Then Dan Severn kicked his heiney and he went
>
> Which pales in comparison to the MONKEY ROLL OF PAIN AND AGONY~! he debuted v
> Oleg Taktarov at WVC I. Joe's the man, bay-by.
I'm just a sucker for a wacky fashion statement, I guess. He sorta had the
'Godfather' gimmick without the hoes, but WITH a gold turban!
> > on to lose a pathetic grappling farce against Vitor Belfort in Japan. I
>
> The word you're looking for is "work", Mike. Memo to Vitor - next time, bring
> in one of the RINGS guys, who at least might carry your carcass to something
> halfway interesting. Or not so obvious.
I may be in a minority on this, but I don't think it was a 'work' as much as
a pre-existing agreement between the two fighters not to strike. Remember
the Jason Farin v Guy Metzger fight, where both guys agreed beforehand not to
pull each others long, flowing, girlish hair? Vitor ain't no elite-level BJJ
guy, but I've seen him mop-up a few blue belt in sport BJJ, and I don't doubt
that he could outwork Joe Charles on the mat. Looked like an 'exhibition'
more than anything.
> esticles, or looseness of his blue gi pants. Bobish opens the fight
> > with a ponderous jab, which Charles ducks in the single greatest burst
> > of speed in his torpid life! He actually takes Bobish down and ends up
> > in the FULL MOUNT! Charles just about shits himself - he's seen other
>
> You're making that up. He didn't. He couldn't. Joe Charles got mount?
You don't beleive it either, eh?
> > guys in this position before, quick, think! Uh, armlo- no, um, er I
> > could pun...no...uh.....Too late, Ghetto Man! Bobish rolls on his
> > stomach and literally walks himself to his feet, where they stand and
> > grapple, Greco-Roman style. Bobish rolls over Charles and ends up in
> > the half-guard. He plants a beefy forearm into Charles' throat,
> > wrestling-style, and grinds him down for a while. A few headbutts and
> > Charles is bleeding from the nose and mouth. Gene LeBell, who is
> > commentating for the matches, says that "headbutts and referees should
> > be outlawed".
>
> That Gene-O. What a kidder.
He's got to lay off the 'Nyquiladas', though.
> Seriously, I've heard him do commentary twice (Extrem Fighting 4 and Oleg's
> instructional bullshit tape) and he's sounded drunk, clueless, or both both
> times.
The 'other' announcer at WFF made certain to point out that Gene was drinking
only water that night. Me thinks he doth protestith too much....
> Then he goes back to drinking lukewarm 閃ister Beer' and
> > the fight continues. More headbutts from Bobish, the finally a facing
> > neck crank/sleeper that causes The Ghetto Man to tap out. And tap out.
> > AND TAP OUT! AND TAP OUT! AND THE REFEREE IS JUST SITTING THERE!!!!!
>
> Making up for the last one, maybe? One too-soon stop plus one too-late stopo
> equals two okay stops? I'm just throwing out ideas here.
Serves them right for having some TKD chump as a MMA ref. TKD, AKA 'The
Useless Art'.
> > Winner, DAN BOBISH!
>
> Bobish is a stud. Someone should bring him in again.
I'd like to see a rematch against Carlao Barreto. Dunno why, just do.
> > STEVE SEDDON (5'10 220 Muay-Thai) v HUGO DURATE (6'2 240 Luta Livre)
> >
> > Hugo Duarte is a freakin' stud of a fighter from Brazil. He's fought
> > the best in the biz, and is fearless and confident to the extreme.
>
> He's a worthless overhyped piece of shit clueless putz power fighter, you
> mean. He's fought three guys worth a damn, to my knowledge, and lost to 'em
> all. (Tank Abbott, Rickson Gracie [twice, and RG barely qualifies], and Mark
> Kerr, if you're curious)
As far as Rickson goes, while I don't agree with his recent choices of
opponents, he is still, based on reputation alone, 'The Man', and to quote
The Great One, "To be The Man, you've got to beat The Man". Brazil has had
MMA longer than anywhere else, and he's been very successful there, so I
can't be so dismissive of his abilities, even if I think he's ducking some
top fighters to protect his ego and mystique. Besides, how can you doubt
that if it were Rickson in the early UFCs instead of Royce, then Rickson
would be a 3-or-4 time undefeated defending UFc champ?
As for Hugo, well, I like him. Nyah.
> > 銑uta Livre' means 素ree fighting' in Portuguese; the Spanish equivalent
> > would be 銑ucha Libre', but unless you can call Durate caving in a
> > chump's face with his forehead a 奏ope' the two styles have little in
> > common. Seddon looks suspiciously similar to Rob Van Dam, but sports an
>
> On that note, is it just me, or do Konnan and Conan (Silveria) look a lot
> aliek?
Conan Silviera worked out of a BJJ gym on South Beach in Miami (just a
stone's throw from the Carlyle and the best Jamaican beef patties in the damn
city), and before I even knew who he was, I'd seen him around the area; you
don't forget tattoos like that! He does sorta look like Konan, and I'm just
as apathetic about him.
> > OLEG TAKTAROV (6' 220 Sambo) v CHUCK KIM (5'8 180 wrestling, karate)
> >
> > You all remember Oleg, of course, from his storied history in the UFC.
>
> Good Oleg "block with his face" Taktarov. You gotta love anyone willing to
> bleed that much for your entertainment. What with Severn, Shammy, Frye, and
> all the other UFC champs going the worker's route, I'm surprised Oleg didn't
> end up in ECW or FMW or something...
He waited too long. If he went in a couple of years ago as a recent UFC
champ, it might mean something to the fans. But his sambo technique is too
cerebral for American fans who don't even pop for the cross-armbreaker.
> > Oleg won UFC 6 by outlasting Tank Abbott in Abbott's MMA debut, and went
> > on to have a lengthy draw with Ken Shamrock at UFC7. Oleg's historical
> > problem has been that he loves to stand and box (a fact he re-enforces
> > during his prefight interview where he claims to work almost exclusively
> > on striking in his current training, as John Snowden correctly said in a
> > response to an earlier DVDVR review of mine), leading to spectacular
>
> Hey, that was me! I've been screwed! I qu-.
If I got you confused with John, I apologize. I'll go watch my 'Best of Paul
Varelans' tape as pennance.
> > knockouts at the hands of stronger fighters like Gary Goodridge in
> > Japan. But on the ground, Oleg is elite. He's got sambo moves I've
> > never seen before, and pulled off an absolutely picture-perfect
> > Tartarkin roll (Goldberg's rolling kneelock thingy) into a kneebar to
> > defeat Dave Bennetau in the UFC. Chuck Kim is, uh, Chuck Kim, so there
> > you go. Chuck shoots for a double-leg, Oleg neatly sprawls, grabs a
>
> Oleg sprawled? Really?
Remember Taktarov v Macias at UFC6? Carbon copy.
> > guillotine choke, and obstructs Kim's breathing until he taps. Yep,
> > thats it. The announcers amazingly claim that the match lasted an
> > entire 22 seconds, which I find hard to believe. This match is so short
> > is should be used as a measuring stick for premature ejaculation. Hey
> > Chuck Kim! That ain't egg on your face!
>
> Eeww!!!!
Hey, I never said what it WAS, only what it WASN'T. Get your filthy mind out
of the gutter, perv-boy. You've been watching too much RAW.
> > Gene LeBell claims that he threatened to cut off Oleg's vodka supply if
> > he didn't dispense of Kim quickly. He's so tickled by that remark that
> > he runs over to ringside where Oleg is being interviewed, and barges in
> > to repeat the 阻oke' again on-camera! Oleg stands next to Frank
> > Shamrock (with his old nose) and Gene LeBell, and talks about his movie
> > career.
>
> Has anyone seen this so-called movie? I'm just looking for evidence it
> exists.
I saw a review of it on the alt.ufc or rec.martial-arts newsgroup about 2
years ago. Oleg kills some guys with neck cranks.
> > TOM ERIKSON (6'4 290 Freestyle wrestling) v DAVIN WRIGHT (6' 340
> > 羨merican Freeform')
>
> This should be brief. I'm getting round one MARS flashbacks already...
Thanks to ME! (Insert Barry Horowitz segment)
> Davin Wright is a big fat
> > butterball with a bogus martial art. The announcers mention that his
> > job is "collecting money"; so you've got one of the most feared fighters
> > in the world on your card, and you match him up with some local-yokel
> > thug? Some amateur legbreaker goon? Have another shot of Schnapps,
>
> Actually, I like it. He'll either be good, or you're (literally) fighting
> crime. Works for me.
I always enjoy seeing local thugs like this against top-flight MMAers.
They've beaten up everyone they've ever fought, and figure a guy like Erikson
is just like the stooge who tries to ditch his bookie without paying up.
Remember that great Rameriez v Frye fight at UFC8? In an interview before
the fight that was posted on the UFC webpage, Rameriez claimed to have been
undefeated his entire life, and that he was only grotesquely obese because
his wife was a good cook!
> > seconds and easily takes Wright down with a single-leg before clubbing
> > his skull with some thunderous punches. Rather than go for a choke as
>
> Well, that would necessitate *knowing* a choke, which I don't believe Tom
> does. Crippler crossface-thingy? You bet. Choke? Not so much.
Well, he looked like he was considering it for a second.
> > After the fight Erikson is joined in the post-match interview by Mark
> > Coleman; at the time, Coleman was the defending 2-time UFC champ, and so
> > he quickly went into his usual spiel about the greatness of wrestlers
> > and how freestyle wrestlers have proven to be the best fighters in the
> > world, yadda yadda yadda. Soon after, Coleman would lose to a
> > *kickboxer* with no groundfighting experience, Maurice Smith, and then
>
> Not to burst your Coleman-bashing bubble (which I'm all for), but Mo'd been
> working with the Lion's Den and Tsyoshi Kohsaka on groundwork for nearly a
> year at that point.
Yeah, but he was still a *kickboxer*. Smith knew just enough on the ground
to thwart Coleman's one-dimentional attack, and if one year of training is
all you need to negate the entire game of a top-level freestyle wrestler,
then maybe wrestling isn't so great after all. You think if Coleman trained
at kickboxing for a year, he'd hang with Mo?
> > get knocked out by Shamrock rookie Pete Williams. Having seen these
>
> And while that was Pete's first UFC fight (and a big jump up in competition)
> he'd fought in at least one (maybe more; I'll have to check) Super Brawl in
> Hawaii. Beat Joe Charles and some fat boy.
Yeah, but I didn't say it was Williams debut. He was still a rookie, just
like Tito Ortiz was still a rookie when he beat Jerry Bohlander.
> > The MAAAAAAIN EVENT! Folks, we got a LEGEND in the ring tonight!
> >
> > GOKAR CHIVICHYAN (5'10 185, Sambo, submissions) v Mr. Maeda (6'2 240
> > Judo, Muay- Thai)
> >
> > Mr. Maeda is announced as being a Japanese judo champion and an
> > international Muay-Thai champion, claiming a MMA record of 200-0. Yeah
> > right. The REAL boss of the ring here is Gokar, the closest thing
> > America has to its own Gracie. Besides, how can you NOT like a guy with
> > a name like 賎okar'? "Beware, puny mortal! You cannot resist the power
> > of GOKAR!" Gokar is an Armenian fighter who gained an enormous
> > reputation in both grappling/judo/sambo tournaments and in the
> > underground fighting world as a submissions grappler without peer.
> > Although I've only seen him fight twice, he's been brilliant both times,
> > and I've yet to hear anybody disparage his reputation or knock his claim
> > of being undefeated over 15 years. Gokar fights so rarely these days,
>
> I *can* tell you that no one's been able to subsantiate his World judo and
> sambo championship claims. I'm not saying he's lost, just that he hasn't won
> the items he claims.
Well it seemed like everything the announcers said about the fighters at WFF
was bogus anyhow (such as crediting the submissionless Bobish as a
shootfighter). Since I can't speak with full authority on the matter of Gokar
historical record, I'll just defer to Oleg Taktarov, who was quoted once as
saying that Gokar was the best he'd ever sparred with on the ground and
tapped him repeatedly.
> > in and clinches, quickly gets hand control over the larger Maeda, and
> > skillfully drags the rube over his hip and to the ground. After a
> > moment of silent laughter, Gokar whirls from the side mount into the
> > full mount, and around into a cross-armbreaker. Maeda locks his mighty
> > muscled arms together to prevent Goakr from locking out his arm, but
> > Gokar's wirely 5'9 180lb frame has too much power for Maeda to resist.
> > In a flash, his arm is being wrenched hideously against the elbow and
> > Gene LeBell is engaging in some sort of primal autoerotic howling in
> > full public view. This match took all of 40 seconds.
>
> I've heard this fight was worked. Your opinion, Mike?
Ya know, the fights on this tape were such mismatches and blowouts that I
can't blame anybody for thinking they were worked. I generally shy away from
making those kind of claims without either egregiously bogus events (like the
Bart Valle v Ken Shamrock joke in Japan) or admissions from insiders (like
the Macias v Taktarov match). I wouldn't fault anybody for thinking that a
guy who looked like Maeda shouldn't have fallen so quickly to a much smaller
man, but in the world of MMA, these things do happen.
Mike
Kristina L. Kendall + Jonathan Snowden
>and even had time
> > > to write 禅he Professional Wrestling Submissions Bible', a book of
> > > actually shoot-style pro- wrestling submissions holds, including the
> > > Boston Crab, chicken-wing crossface, and notorious figure-four leglock!
> >
> > This is some funny shit. I must stress both "funny" and "shit", as a) LeBelle
> > has quite the psychotic sense of humor, and b) (possibly related to a)) trying
> > these holds in an actual fight will probably get you killed. Maimed at least.
>
> Some of the holds are quite legit, even if they aren't the single-most
> efficacious submissions holds in the world. He's also got a guillotine
> choke, a couple of neck cranks, and an ankle pick hiddden away between the
> Cobra Clutches and spinning toeholds. The goofy facial expressions don't
> exactly aid the appearance of legitimacy, though. "GRRRRR!!!!"
Gene has recently done one better. There are ads in the latest martial
arts magazines for his new Encyclopedia of Submission Holds. I'm
assuming this is something different than what you are referring to?
Perhaps the "shoot" version of the afforementioned?
> And what kind of fan are ya if you didn't love 390lb Koji Kitao
> getting wacked by 180lb mumblemouth Mark Hall?
I'm no Kitao fan, but I think he was in control of the fight when a
fluke shot broke his nose.
> > > JOE 賎hetto Man' CHARLES (6'1 255 Judo/JJ) v DAN BOBISH (6'1 290
> > > shootfighting)
> >
> > Bobish is actually a wrestler, whatever they say. NCAA Div III champ, IIRC.
>
> 3 time All-American, so I guess he's one behind Dr Death.
Well Doc WAS a Division I champion. Quite a step up in competition.
Those close to the amateur scene at the time have suggested to me that
if he hadn't been playing football and trained full-time in wrestling,
he would have been an Olympic Gold medalist. As it was, he was NCAA
runner-up and defeated Dan Severn.
> > > on striking in his current training, as John Snowden correctly said in a
> > > response to an earlier DVDVR review of mine), leading to spectacular
> >
> > Hey, that was me! I've been screwed! I qu-.
>
> If I got you confused with John, I apologize. I'll go watch my 'Best of Paul
> Varelans' tape as pennance.
Don't worry Mike. You've just been confused due to the sheer amount of
brillaint material I've provided over the years. I didn't say
this....but I DAMN SURE COULD HAVE!!! ;)
> This match is so short
> > > is should be used as a measuring stick for premature ejaculation. Hey
> > > Chuck Kim! That ain't egg on your face!
> >
> > Eeww!!!!
>
> Hey, I never said what it WAS, only what it WASN'T. Get your filthy mind out
> of the gutter, perv-boy. You've been watching too much RAW.
Remember Lee's "Eeww!!!" Carbon copy.
> I generally shy away from
> making those kind of claims without either egregiously bogus events (like the
> Bart Valle v Ken Shamrock joke in Japan)
Mike, that was a "shootstyle" match. I don't think anyone would
seriously contend that UWFi and PWF-Gumi is anything but worked. Yet
Shamrock-haters will cite this fight as a loss in his MMA career. Too
funny.
> Mike
JO(no H)N Snowden
J.S.
lr...@mailexcite.com
mnai...@utmem1.utmem.edu wrote:
> > NO TRIVIA CONTEST!?!?!?!? I am PISSED. Important life lesson here: never
> > trust anyone (or anything) named Melissa.
>
> Well of course YOU'D be pissed, Lee. You're the guy with the right answer to
> every freakin' question. Next time I'm gonna ask if Gary Goodridge crushed
> 'The Pedros' left or right testicle in Brazil, just so I can have the mental
> image of you zoomed in on the freeze-frame!
Actually, I don't have that one. Yet. Can I help it if I'm a
violence-obsessed tape whore? It's my upbringing. Growing up in a broken
home. Yeah, that's it. >
> Some of the holds are quite legit, even if they aren't the single-most
> efficacious submissions holds in the world. He's also got a guillotine
> choke, a couple of neck cranks, and an ankle pick hiddden away between the
> Cobra Clutches and spinning toeholds. The goofy facial expressions don't
> exactly aid the appearance of legitimacy, though. "GRRRRR!!!!"
Actually, it's not even the holds that are so bad. It's the set-ups for
them. Or rather, the lack of them. You *can* submit someone with a Boston
Crab if you know how. But Gene won't (or can't) show you.
> > > KARO DAUTYAN (5'10 180lb, Sambo, judo) v MATT GLAVINE (5'9 175)
> >
> > Dang. Not even a "big name".
>
> I think Karo must have been Gokar's pool boy.
That would explain it.
> UFC9 wasn't THAT bad if you remember to STOP THE DAMN TAPE before Shamrock
> and Severn lumber through their horrendous bore-fest (didja read my review of
> that match in ana earlier DVDVR? I think its #82). Don Frye v Amaury
I'll look it up. And the card wasn't so bad (Frye/Bittetti won 1996 Fight of
the Year in a poll I ran back then). But this was the first PPV I ever
bought. I sat through the Severn/Shamrock Squaredance LIVE. With three other
people in the room who were only borderline fans. This was not fun.
> Bitteti was a gleefully brutal drubbing, one of my favorite matches from all
> the UFCs. And what kind of fan are ya if you didn't love 390lb Koji Kitao
> getting wacked by 180lb mumblemouth Mark Hall?
I had to watch that damn thing twelve times to figure out what happened, too.
> > Bobish is actually a wrestler, whatever they say. NCAA Div III champ, IIRC.
>
> 3 time All-American, so I guess he's one behind Dr Death. I like Bobish, even
> though he gets gassed way too quickly to beat a skilled grappler.
Hey, you try carrying around 300 pounds for twenty minutes. :)
> I'm just a sucker for a wacky fashion statement, I guess. He sorta had the
> 'Godfather' gimmick without the hoes, but WITH a gold turban!
I was waiting for someone to make a wish. Who's his cornerman - Aladdin?
> I may be in a minority on this, but I don't think it was a 'work' as much as
> a pre-existing agreement between the two fighters not to strike. Remember
> the Jason Farin v Guy Metzger fight, where both guys agreed beforehand not to
> pull each others long, flowing, girlish hair? Vitor ain't no elite-level BJJ
> guy, but I've seen him mop-up a few blue belt in sport BJJ, and I don't doubt
> that he could outwork Joe Charles on the mat. Looked like an 'exhibition'
> more than anything.
You're in the minority. Everyone else I know with your opinion is Brazilian.
I'm not saying he *couldn't* submit Joe. I'm saying he *did* talk him into
doing the job. Joe's no JJ Machado, but I can't believe he's dumb enough to
stick that arm up like he's a slot machine.
That said, it's probably a **1/2 to *** shoot-style match.
> > You're making that up. He didn't. He couldn't. Joe Charles got mount?
>
> You don't beleive it either, eh?
You have to admit, it's low on precedent.
> > Making up for the last one, maybe? One too-soon stop plus one too-late
stopo
> > equals two okay stops? I'm just throwing out ideas here.
>
> Serves them right for having some TKD chump as a MMA ref. TKD, AKA 'The
> Useless Art'.
That's not strictly true. TKD was my first martial art, and the instructor I
had was an evil, dangerous bastard. But then, he was the only openly gay
person in a small Midwest town, so he had a fair amount of "practical
experience".
That small defense raised, I saw "Pro TKD" on ESPN2 a couple months ago. You
wanna talk godawful? Amazing how they can be so active and accomplish so
little.
> I'd like to see a rematch against Carlao Barreto. Dunno why, just do.
Sure. I'd like to see the first one, too.
Hey, I don't have *everything*. Yet.
> > He's a worthless overhyped piece of shit clueless putz power fighter, you
> > mean. He's fought three guys worth a damn, to my knowledge, and lost to 'em
> > all. (Tank Abbott, Rickson Gracie [twice, and RG barely qualifies], and Mark
> > Kerr, if you're curious)
>
> As far as Rickson goes, while I don't agree with his recent choices of
> opponents, he is still, based on reputation alone, 'The Man', and to quote
> The Great One, "To be The Man, you've got to beat The Man". Brazil has had
> MMA longer than anywhere else, and he's been very successful there, so I
> can't be so dismissive of his abilities, even if I think he's ducking some
> top fighters to protect his ego and mystique. Besides, how can you doubt
> that if it were Rickson in the early UFCs instead of Royce, then Rickson
> would be a 3-or-4 time undefeated defending UFc champ?
I agree, he would be, for whatever that proves. But the man himself has
fought no one of consequence. No one. Ruas, Shamrock, Kerr, Rutten,
Coleman... He even ducked MATT HUME! To fight a pro wrestler with no shoot
experience.
This wouldn't bother me if he didn't regularly refer to other, active fighters
as unskilled brawlers unworthy to face his awesome self. Fuck Rickson.
> As for Hugo, well, I like him. Nyah.
Fair enough. Watching Tank slap the crap out of him was my personal UFC
highlight of '98, but that's me.
Sorry. Hugo and Rickson bring out the asshole in me.
> He waited too long. If he went in a couple of years ago as a recent UFC
> champ, it might mean something to the fans. But his sambo technique is too
> cerebral for American fans who don't even pop for the cross-armbreaker.
It works for Goldberg, but then Oleg doesn't have quite the physique for that
role, does he?
> > Hey, that was me! I've been screwed! I qu-.
>
> If I got you confused with John, I apologize. I'll go watch my 'Best of Paul
> Varelans' tape as pennance.
'S alright. You don't need to go *that* far.
(Best of Varelans? <shudder>)
> > Oleg sprawled? Really?
>
> Remember Taktarov v Macias at UFC6? Carbon copy.
Defensive skills from Oleg always surprise me.
> > Has anyone seen this so-called movie? I'm just looking for evidence it
> > exists.
>
> I saw a review of it on the alt.ufc or rec.martial-arts newsgroup about 2
> years ago. Oleg kills some guys with neck cranks.
So, no, in other words. (What, I'm supposed to trust Usenet?)
> Thanks to ME! (Insert Barry Horowitz segment)
<pat> <pat> <pat>
> I always enjoy seeing local thugs like this against top-flight MMAers.
Actually, there're a couple guys from high school I'd like to ship to
Evansville, IN (Home of Hook 'n Shoot! Reviews coming.)
> > Well, that would necessitate *knowing* a choke, which I don't believe Tom
> > does. Crippler crossface-thingy? You bet. Choke? Not so much.
>
> Well, he looked like he was considering it for a second.
That was the "now, I know that little Brazilian guy...what's his name?...Horse
Gravy...he'd do something here...what was it?" look, I think.
> > Not to burst your Coleman-bashing bubble (which I'm all for), but Mo'd been
> > working with the Lion's Den and Tsyoshi Kohsaka on groundwork for nearly a
> > year at that point.
>
> Yeah, but he was still a *kickboxer*. Smith knew just enough on the ground
> to thwart Coleman's one-dimentional attack, and if one year of training is
> all you need to negate the entire game of a top-level freestyle wrestler,
> then maybe wrestling isn't so great after all. You think if Coleman
trained
> at kickboxing for a year, he'd hang with Mo?
Well, no, but he wouldn't have to - just learn enough to survive long enough
to take him down. That's all Smith did - focus on defense, learn how to
survive. And he's got a GREAT guard now. Coleman's pretty limited
offensively, and (at the time) stubborn about cross-training. Easy to
counter if you're smart. And Mo's one of the smartest.
> Yeah, but I didn't say it was Williams debut. He was still a rookie, just
> like Tito Ortiz was still a rookie when he beat Jerry Bohlander.
OK, I can buy that.
> Well it seemed like everything the announcers said about the fighters at WFF
> was bogus anyhow (such as crediting the submissionless Bobish as a
> shootfighter). Since I can't speak with full authority on the matter of Gokar
> historical record, I'll just defer to Oleg Taktarov, who was quoted once as
> saying that Gokar was the best he'd ever sparred with on the ground and
> tapped him repeatedly.
I'll buy that. Gokor's pretty universally respected as a submissions expert.
> Ya know, the fights on this tape were such mismatches and blowouts that I
> can't blame anybody for thinking they were worked. I generally shy away from
> making those kind of claims without either egregiously bogus events (like the
> Bart Valle v Ken Shamrock joke in Japan) or admissions from insiders (like
> the Macias v Taktarov match). I wouldn't fault anybody for thinking that a
> guy who looked like Maeda shouldn't have fallen so quickly to a much smaller
> man, but in the world of MMA, these things do happen.
Sounds good. Thanks.
Lee Casebolt