<MBC> HOUSE OF BASTARDS 3-30-06 HOUR 2
Cygnia
people can be seen rushing to different terminals, embracing recently
arrived friends and relatives, and making their way to and from various
baggage claims. It is here that we find all three Grimsson siblings,
each one wearing a black leather biker jacket and carrying a green
military issue duffel bag slung over their right shoulder. The oldest
sibling, Chad, leads the way, dressed in a pair of ripped and faded
black jeans, a black "Carcass- Heartwork" tanktop, and black engineer
boots. The giant of the family completes his look as always with a
blonde goatee and a shaved and tattooed head. The middle sibling, Erik,
wears a pair of ripped and faded white jeans with skull designs printed
on them, a black Cocoa Puffs Cereal long sleeve t-shirt, and black Nike
amateur wrestling shoes. Erik finishes off wearing his long, blonde
hair down and straight. Nina, the youngest sibling, wears a black and
white camouflaged skirt, a pair of black fishnet stockings with the
left knee ripped out, a black "Obituary- Slowly We Rot" long sleeve
t-shirt, and a pair of black engineer boots. She completes her look
with her long, black hair worn down and straight. Finally, the three
make it outside to the street curb, waiting for a cab.]
Nina: Man, I can't believe it's back. It feels like forever since we've
been back here. I don't know about you two, but I can't wait to get
started. That, and to hang out with Kyle, Tes, Susan, and Tawni again.
It's going to rock.
Erik: Yeah, I can't wait either. And for the first time, we actually
get to work together. That's going to rule.
Chad: [Chuckles] Yeah, I'm looking forward to that match, too. Not to
mention, we get to face off against Trevor and Bobby again, so it's
going to be something we can really sink our teeth into.
Nina: Oh, it's going to be a blast. Kyle really outdid himself here.
He's also giving me something to work with since he made Myra Benedict
their partner. This is about the perfect match for us to be in.
Chad: Definitely. Something that will be one tough as hell test. But
one that I think the three of us are up to the task for.
[Chad stops and thinks a minute]
Chad: Although, now that I think about it, things between you and Myra
could always get out of hand.
Nina: Well, that's true. But that will all depend on her, not me. I'm
not going to go looking for that to happen, however, I will respond in
kind if she starts it.
[Erik nods his head in agreement]
Erik: We certainly didn't expect anything less from you. And if that
happens and things get crazy, we'll be alright. I'm sure Team Canada
wouldn't be too upset about that. Hell, they would probably enjoy it.
Chad: Chad, yeah, they would. But the one question I have is are you
sure that Team Canada won't try anything against you, Nina?
[Nina nods her add emphatically.]
Nina: Don't worry about that, Chad. I guarantee that they won't. Trevor
and Bobby have always been nice to me, and they like all of us. On top
of that, they know how I feel about wrestling the men, so they won't
try anything against me. Besides, Myra will probably want me all to
herself. Hell, she may want to even continue things with me after what
happened last time she and I were in the ring together.
Erik: Yeah, dude. I think she's right. Team Canada's always been
stand-up when they dealt with us, and I don't think that will change in
the match. I suppose it wouldn't hurt just to expect anything, though.
Chad: [Nodding] No, not a bad idea at all. Let's not forget, that's why
we've been doing as well as we have the last few years. So, let's not
change that up, alright?
[Erik and Nina turn to each other and nod their heads, showing Chad
that they are all on the same page.]
Nina: Chad, come on. As if there should have been any doubt.
Erik: Yeah, man. Don't worry, we'll be ready. Like you said, that's why
we've been kicking so much ass.
[At this moment, a cab pulls up to the curbin front of them, stopping.
The driver pops the trunk, and the three siblings begin loading their
bags in.]
Chad: Alright. Good enough for me then. Anyway, I'm hungry. Let's go
grab some burgers.
[Erik and Nina don't need to be told twice as all three hurry to pile
inside the taxi. As the cab pulls away and drives off, the camera fades
to logo...]
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M A R C H 3 0 , 2 0 0 6
R E U N I O N A R E N A
D A L L A S , T X
H O U R T W O
Skullhead: Welcome back everyone. Our next match is a six person
contest and like everyone before them, all six participants are eager
to hit a MBC ring again.
Pinhead: I wouldn't be surprised if things between Nina and Myra get
ugly fast. They have a long, long history. And Team Canada revel in
things getting ugly. For that matter, so do the Grimssons.
Slush: We need a good war to thin them all out.
Pinhead: Why wasn't there a war when you were conceived?
[The lights dim, and a spotlight shines on the entranceway from the
back. Music plays, and the crowd goes nuts.
Why? Because the music is "Peter Gun", by Henry Mancini. And that
brings out one...]
Skullhead: SIMON O'NEAL! The "Mighty Bastard" has come to the MBC.
Slush: Dallas, lock up your women!
Pinhead: Simon does have a reputation.
Slush: Huh? Oh no, I just think Dallas should lock up all of their
women. It'd improve the city.
[O'Neal saunters out, a grey fedora on his head, a goatee on his face,
black Ray-Bans across his eyes, and a smirk permanently stapled to his
mouth. But most importantly, on his chest... a striped shirt.
A referee's striped shirt.
O'Neal grins as he slips under the bottom rope, grabbing a cordless
microphone as he begins speaking.]
SO: I come back into wrestling, and the MBC starts up again. [He
smirks] Coincidence? I don't think so. And today is a beautiful day
to be a Bastard.
[The fans cheer- he's a bastard, but he's their bastard. And for once,
Simon's eating it up.]
SO: When we last left, the MBC was being run by the God-King. But
there's been a coup, chaos reigns and pours over Dallas, and it's time
for some law and order to take over. Specifically, MY law and order.
And just by coincidence, this shirt just HAPPENED to fit me. So,
tonight, the MBC is going to follow "Simon's Rules."
[Simon reaches into his jacket and pulls out SEVERAL sheets of paper.]
SO: Here we go. Rule number On...
[He's cut off as "Bleed for Me" by the Black Label Society kicks in
over the PA system. Once again the crowd goes nuts and from the back
comes the owner and president of the MBC, "The Doomsayer" Kyle Lee. He
makes his way down the aisle and rolls under the ring.]
Slush: About time he showed up!
Pinhead: Because he's the president?
Slush: No! Because he owes me money!
[Lee takes another wireless mic and smirks at O'Neal.]
Pinhead: He does?
Slush: I have him a quarter for a Dr. Pepper five years ago. And with
interest, he owes me... a lot. Yeah.
[Lee raises the microphone to speak once the crowd simmers down.]
KL: Used to be, I'd ask you and people like you in a situation like
this if you thought I was stupid. I was hoping that eventually somebody
would say no. But that never happened and I doubt it ever will. How
many times have we been through the referee thing Simon? Once was too
many and the second and third times? I don't know if I even had full
enough control to put an end to it.
SO: You don't, Kyle. Accept it and move on. Now, Rule Number One...
KL: We're not going to go down this road again Simon. When I rehired
you, it wasn't as a referee. In fact, all the referees from the old
days have been put in different positions. And I've brought on a new
batch of referees specifically trained and conditioned to know your
tricks and block your smooth talking jive. You may be back in the MBC,
but it's not as a ref. You're back as a wrestler.
[The fans go nuts with cheering. Simon goes nuts as well, but in a
different way.]
SO: You can't do this! I'm the Mighty Bastard! These are my
referees! I...
KL: Oh I'm not done. I'm a busy man and there are far more headaches to
deal with than just you. You may be the 800 pound hamster in the room
but it doesn't mean I have to always deal with you. In fact, the way I
see it, the only way to really deal with an O'Neal...
...is to get another O'Neal.
["Peter Gunn" plays again, and another smirking O'Neal steps out. He's
younger, thinner, and has a clean-shaven face. But the grey fedora,
black Ray-Bans, and smirk are the exact same as he saunters down to
ringside.]
Skullhead: Jimmy O'Neal! Kyle Lee hired Jimmy O'Neal to keep an eye
out on Simon?
Pinhead: Geez... he's grown a bit taller. I found out he turned 18
two weekends ago. Apparently, the hotel room repair bill was...
impressive.
[Jimmy enters the ring, and a third cordless microphone appears]
JO: Hiya, pops!
SO: What the hell? Kyle, you really ARE stupid! I mean, sure, Jimmy
and I had that whole 'Catholic School thing' issue...
JO: Catholic BOARDING school. ALL-MALE Catholic Boarding School.
With rules. And church every day. And did I forget to mention the
lack of girls?
SO: [raising his hands] Excellent points, and I apologize. But we
buried the hatchet! Remember Tiffany, Amber and Tiffany? The
Copacabana Room? All is forgiven.
[Jimmy smirks, and it's an eerie duplicate of his father]
JO: You're right, pops. I've forgiven you. It's all water under the
bridge.
[Simon smirks, and goes to give Jimmy a high-five. Jimmy starts to,
then...]
JO: But you should see the salary Mr. Lee here is paying me, pops!
It's fantastic! And all I have to do is keep you under control.
[Jimmy smirks, and Simon is left with an untouched high-five in the air
and a glare on his face.]
JO: Don't look at me like that, pop. Did I mention the ALL-MALE
Catholic Boarding School you dumped me at?
Skullhead: I don't think the O'Neal household will be a pleasant place
to be for a while.
[Lee catches Simon's glare by completing the high five with a smirk on
his face.]
KL: I know you two are going to have lots of fun. And it'll be good to
see you wrestling again Simon. I expect nothing but the best from a
three time former World Champion.
["Bleed for Me" begins to play again but Lee waits a moment before
leaving]
KL: Just remember one thing Simon. You may be the "Mighty Bastard" but
I am the "Original Bastard". Don't think I have tricks of my own.
[And with that Lee, heads out amidst the cheers of the rabid MBC crowd.
Simon heads over to Jimmy and starts talking. The microphone is away,
but some phrases are picked up...
"...we can run this fed."
"...you can't let Lee buy you off..."
"I'm your father, dammit!"
But are for naught as Jimmy shakes his head and steps through the
ropes. Simon's smirk has disappeared, replaced with a perturbed look
as Jimmy waves and heads off. A few moments later, Simon sighs and
walks out of the ring as well.]
Skullhead: Things have certainly gotten interesting in the last few
minutes. First the return of Simon O'Neal. And then the news that all
the refs are brand new.
Pinhead: We knew there were new faces in the striped shirts but nobody
was told that all the old referees were moved to new positions.
Skullhead: And now Simon's own son is supposed to keep him line.
Pinhead: It may fail but I'm sure there is a contingency plan for that.
Skullhead: As long as it keeps O'Neal out of the referee pool, that
will help maintain much more order.
Slush: Another. Damn. Family. What is the MBC cafeteria feeding these
wrestlers?
Tinkle: MEEP
Slush: What?
Tinkle: MEEP!
Slush: I can't...
Tinkle: MEEP!
Pinhead: Having trouble talking to Tinkle?
Slush: Of course not.
Tinkle: MEEP!
Slush: Damned rob...robust hamster. Yeah.
Skullhead: Uppity hamsters aside, the time has come for our next match.
Team Canada could easily be considered the most dominate tag team in
MBC history even surpassing their fellow former Hand of Doom members
Rook and Crimson. Put them together on a team with Myra Benedict and
you have yourself an explosive combination.
Pinhead: And possibly unstable. You never know how Benedict will get
along with others. However, she and Team Canada are facing off against
the Grimssons. We all know the history Benedict has had with Nina. So
getting along with Hextall and Jablonski may not even be an issue.
Slush: Families... families... everywhere... hockey hoser!
Skullhead: Let us not forget that the Grimssons are, after all, family.
So they have the benefit of knowing one another's moves, strength's and
weaknesses. That's a considerable advantage for them.
Tinkle: MEEP!
Pinhead: Did Tinkle cough up smoke?
Slush: No! Ignore him! Go to the match!
__ _______ _____________________________________________
/ |/ / __ )/ ____/
/ /|_/ / __ / / TEAM CANADA and MYRA BENEDICT
/ / / / /_/ / /___ versus
/_/ /_/_____/\____/ NINA, CHAD and ERIK GRIMSSON
|
|______________________________________Writer: J. J. Robertson
[The bell rings to start the match as both teams confer briefly among
each other. After a few seconds Erik Grimsson and Bob Jablonski remain
in for their teams. As they move to the center of the ring, both men
grow serious, watching the other. They begin circling, making a quarter
turn before Jablonski lunges for a lockup. Erik ducks under and turns,
lashing out with a kick. Jablonski is able to partially move, taking
the kick on the thigh. Erik is quick to capitalize, however, moving in
with rapid-fire punches that pepper his Canadian opponent. Forced to
back up under the assault, Jablonski backs up completely away from
Erik's advancing punches and goes to the ropes. Jablonski hits the
ropes and rebounds, tucking in and taking a pair of shots from Erik
before hitting him with a body check that sends the smaller Grimsson
stumbling. The Bone Breaker keeps moving, checking Erik again and
sending him to the mat, then trampling over him as he continues moving.
As soon as he reaches the other side of Erik, he stops, dropping onto
Grimsson with an elbow to the chest.]
[Jablonski pulls Erik up to his feet and tosses him into his team's
corner, then follows with a running elbow. Erik, however, ducks low,
catching Bob in the midsection with his shoulder. Snapping back up,
Erik fires off a stiff elbow that catches Trevor Hextall in the face,
knocking him off the apron. He turns to check on Myra, but she has
dropped off the apron edge. Erik turns back to Jablonski, who is
straightening back up. He goes for a kick, only to find Myra holding
his leg. Erik barely avoids a punch from Jablonski and tries to shake
off Myra, but Kari grabs his other leg, tripping him up and into
another punch from his opponent that rocks him back. Off balance, he's
easy pickings for Hextall to take over for Stevens, sending him
crashing to the mat, where Myra and Hextall drag him back, crotching
him on the ringpost. Before he can come to terms with the sudden pain,
Jablonski follows through with a kick to the face.]
[Jablonski tags in Hextall as he pulls the groaning Grimsson up to his
feet. He throws Erik into the corner and both Bob and Trevor close in,
working him over with heavy punches. From her position on the apron,
Myra gets involved, using the tag rope to try to choke Erik. This gets
the ref involved, pushing in past the Canadians to stop Myra. Kari hops
up on the apron and both women begin arguing with the Ref as Bob and
Trevor take Erik to a neutral corner. Bob goes to the middle rope and
pulls Erik up with him, then comes off with a Bodyslam which ends
abruptly across Trevor's knee. Bob rolls out of the ring as the ref
responds to the noise of the impact. He turns from the women to find
Trevor whipping Erik shoulder first into the corner post, then pulls
him back to grind his eyes against the middle rope. Trevor holds it
through most of the ref's count, then pulls him away, picking him up
and taking him back with a backdrop that leads into a pin.]
1
2
[Erik kicks out. Immediately, Trevor pulls up and fires off a punch to
his face. A second one has him slumped back down to the mat, but
instead of going for the pin, Trevor stands, and pulls Erik up with
him. He whips Grimsson into the ropes and goes for a clothesline on the
rebound. Erik, stumbling, JUST manages to get under the bigger
Canadian's arm and continues on to the far ropes, where he rebounds
again. As he comes back, Hextall goes for a kick, but Erik drops down
to his knees, sliding in to clip Hextall's leg with his shoulder and
drop him to the mat. The Canadian goes down, clutching his leg, but
shouting from his corner snaps him back into focus. He reaches out,
grabbing Erik, but the Grimsson brother is working on his own recovery.
He starts it off by kicking Trevor in the face, then swinging again and
catching him in the eye with his heel. Hextall releases Grimsson to
clutch at his face and allows Erik to scramble to his feet. Seeing that
Hextall is beginning to do the same, Erik jumps up and hits a dropkick
to the face that puts him back down. Rolling to his feet, Erik goes for
the ropes, hitting the second rope and springboarding into a backflip
that allows him to land a wicked fistdrop on the Canadian and cover for
the pin.]
1
2
[Kari Stevens shouting gets the ref's attention, showing Trevor's foot
on the bottom rope, stopping the count. Erik pops up and heads for the
corner, climbing to the top. As he gets there, Jablonski starts to come
at him from his corner. Erik turns to him, kicking at him and forcing
the man away. He sees Trevor climbing to his feet and starts to jump,
but at the last second is forced to abandon his full jump when he sees
Kari Stevens making a move from the floor. The end result is Erik and
Trevor cracking heads before falling to the mat.]
[Both men roll around in pain for a few seconds, before heading for
their respective corners. Erik makes it just ahead of his opponent and
blindly tags in his sister, Nina. Trevor, meanwhile, tags in Bob
Jablonski. Both eye each other from across the ring, Nina with her
expression set and determined, while Jablonski has a mild smile on his
face. After a moment, he reaches over and tags in Myra benedict and
steps out of the ring. Both women meet in the center of the ring,
jostling for position. Nina starts to get the upper hand with a
wristlock, but Myra moves with it and snaps off a kick aimed at Nina's
head. Nina releases the arm and goes low under the kick, striking out
with a legsweep. Myra jumps the sweep and comes down with a stomp, only
to find Nina has rolled away. Both women comes to their feet and
immediately move in to attack once more. this time, both women comes in
swinging at each other, taking, and delivering, rapid fire strikes.
Myra focuses her hits on Nina's head and face, while Nina does her best
to cave in Myra's ribs. They maintain their pace for nearly 20 seconds
before Myra lands a blow directly over one of Nina's eyes. With a
screech of pain, Nina catches Myra in the side with a double palm
strike. Their energy spend, both women fall back, clutching at the
damage the other has done to them.]
[The ref briefly check's Nina's eye before allowing things to continue.
Both women watch each other intently. Nina moves forward, either not
noticing, or not wanting to notice her brother Chad's attempt to tag
himself in. Myra, on the other hand, motions to her partners that she's
on top of things, then moves to meet Nina. This time, both women begin
to circle, looking for an opening. Twice Nina starts to move, only to
see that Myra is ready for her, and once Myra finds the same with Nina.
Finally, Nina makes a grab for Myra's arm, but immediately aborts for
the opposite leg, only to again change it into a short palm thrust
forward. Myra keeps up to speed with Nina, seemingly anticipating both
Feints and moving to block the palm thrust. The maneuver, however, puts
Nina in close with Myra, allowing Nina to headbutt her opponent,
stunning Myra. A second headbutt knocks her back and allows Nina to
grab Myra and take her down with a snap suplex to the mat. Nina
maintains a hold on her arm and turns, looking to trap it, but Myra
quickly lashes out, striking Nina in the face, just barely missing the
same eye. Nina refuses to release Myra's arm, but is forced to move
her head to protect from a second attack. this gives Myra the opening
she needs, allowing her to chop Nina across the throat. A second chop
frees Myra's arm, which comes up to grab Nina and help put her down on
the mat with a snapmare.]
[Myra stands, pulling Nina to her knees. From behind, Myra applies an
inverted facelock and stands on the back of Nina's legs, cranking back
to apply pressure Nina struggles, thrashing around in pain and manages
to lurch to the side, getting Myra off her legs and relieving some of
the pressure. Instead of releasing the facelock, Myra falls back to the
ropes with Nina and uses them for added support while she fires off a
quick trio of kicks to the small on Nina's back. When that appears to
take the fight out of Nina, Myra continues lifting her in the air,
pulling her up for a modified vertical suplex. Myra charges across the
ring as she starts to bring Nina down, but Nina manages to kick out of
it, Coming down with Myra's left arm trapped in a standing arm lock. As
Nina's feet touch the ground, she keeps moving, rearing back, using the
arm as a level for an overhead throw. Myra goes flying, landing in her
team's corner, clutching her arm. Jablonski reaches down and quickly
tags himself in and comes in the ring. Nina, seeing this, rolls to her
corner, finally tagging in the "Pit Monster" Chad Grimsson.]
[Chad comes in and immediately starts slugging it out with Jablonski.
While the Canadian gets in more hits, Chad's punches stagger him,
finally knocking him down to his knees. A kneelift from the big man
puts the Canadian down on the mat. For good measure, Chad stomps on him
several times before reaching down to pick him up. As he's lifting
Jablonski up, the former hockey goon comes alive, lashing out a hard
right at Chad, which the larger Grimsson blocks. A boot to the
midsection stops his offense and allows Chad the time to finish
bringing him up, and then hoisting him high overhead with an impressive
show of strength. Chad walks to the corner, releasing Jablonski with a
gorilla press slam that drops him across the top turnbuckle, then grabs
him and pulls him right back up again, this time taking Jablonski down
with a fall away slam. Chad starts to move in for the cover, but pulls
up before the ref even gets into position when he sees Trevor Hextall
coming in to make the save. Chad rises, meeting Hextall with a lunging
clothesline that floors the other Canadian. He pulls him up, whipping
him into the Grimsson's corner, where Erik is waiting with a knee to
the kidneys, but Chad pauses, misunderstanding the gestures of Nina
until it's too late. Myra catches him from behind with a forearm to the
groin.]
[As Chad drops to his knees in pain, Nina comes in, charging Myra. Both
women collide, again striking at one another. their momentum carries
them to the ropes and spills onto the outside. The ref goes to try to
pull the two women apart, leaving Kari Stevens free to sneak up on
Erik, cracking him across the kidneys with a hockey stick. He drops off
the apron in pain, clutching his back. With the ref occupied, Jablonski
takes advantage of the situation to choke Chad out on the ropes, while
Hextall finishes breaking the hockey stick over Erik's head, then
pulling him up to ram him into the ringpost. As he and Kari are
disposing of the smaller Grimsson, Chad manages to power out of the
rope choke and catch Jablonski, dropping him with a sit-down powerbomb
before slumping over, trying to get his breath.]
[Hextall slides into the ring as Stevens tosses in another pair of
Hockey sticks. Hextall pulls his partner up and away from Grimsson, but
when Chad starts to sit up, Hextall grabs one of the sticks and cracks
it across Chad's face, sending him back down again. Together, Team
Canada pull him up and whip him into the ropes, then catch him with the
double hockey stick clothesline as he rebounds. Jablonski drops to the
mat for a cover as Hextall rolls out of the ring and pulls the ref away
from Myra Benedict hitting the Traumatizer on Nina Grimsson. The ref
rolls into the ring to count the pin.]
1
2
3
RING ANNOUNCER: The winners of this match by pinfall... "POISON BLISS"
MYRA BENEDICT AND TEAM CANADA!
Skullhead: What a brutal contest!
Pinhead: And this isn't them going at it totally pissed at one another.
This would be... PG? They all save the Rated R for their enemies.
Slush: You're movie rating analogs are pitiful at best bald one.
Pinhead: What with the bald jokes? Seriously, I shave my head on
purpose.
Slush: Because with hair you look like Eraserhead.
Pinhead: That's about as much of a stretch as you've ever made.
Slush: I've got two years of catching up to do. Sometimes you flash the
gold to get the suckers in.
Pinhead: Right. Gold.
[The arena suddenly blacks out and for a moment we are left in
darkness.]
Pinhead: What on earth just happened?
Slush: Wouldn't surprise me if Lee screwed up on the light bill.
[The guitar laced "Advent One-Winged Angel" starts to play and gold
lighting floods the arena as fog emerges from the entrance portal. The
Bastardtron
flashes an image of a burning black rose on a cross.]
Slush: MY SON!!!
Skullhead: He's not your son. And I do believe we are about to be
joined by MBC World Heavyweight Champion One-Winged Angel.
[As if on cue a trap door opens from on-stage and 1WA rises up from
beneath the fog with his back to the audience. He wears a vest with a
artistically
crafted golden feathers fitted along his right shoulder and down the
back to for a wing. He also wears black pants with a burning black rose
outlined in gold along the left leg and a golden cross down his right.
The coveted MBC World Title belt graces his waist.]
Pinhead: The kid definitely has a flair for the dramatic.
["Supervixen" Ami Tran steps out of the entrance portal wearing a red
blouse and black denim suit and carries the Angel's trademark cane. 1WA
finally
turns to face the audience which erupts in cheers for the champion. He
smirks and proceeds down to the ring with his manager.]
Skullhead: Last time we saw One-Winged Angel, he had just survived a
brutal Ballbreaker Cage Match in which he finally overcame his longtime
mentor turned enemy Crimson to win the very MBC World Championship he's
wearing down the ring. I've talked to him earlier this week and Angel
made it clear he was very much looking forward to addressing a MBC
crowd as champion for the first time.
[Angel hops on the ring-apron to hold the ring-ropes for Tran before
climbing the corner from the outside to and raising the title belt to
the delight of the crowd. A golden waterfall adorns the ring behind him
and the Angel finally hops into the ring and the lights come up. 1WA
asks for a ring mic as the waterfall stops and his music fades away.]
1WA: Bastard Nation, STAAANND UUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!
[As if they hadn't already, the crowd rises and erupts again for the
MBC Champ.]
1WA: Damn it feels good to be home.
Pinhead: He can say that again.
1WA: We may have been gone for a moment, but as we always say, Bastards
never die! And now I finally get to live the dream as Top Bastard.
Slush: That's my boy.
Pinhead: Slush, he's not your son. You have nothing in common.
[He holds the belt in the air.]
1WA: I'd be a fool to forget the people who got me there, so to the MBC
fans, I say thank you.
[Huge "You're welcome" pop]
1WA: Thank you and [MEEP] you!
Slush: Nothing in common.
Skullhead: What's gotten into Angel?
[Aside from the round of boos in areas that can manage it, the arena
goes silent as those words shock the energy right out of the arena.
1WA: I'd be a damn fool to forget busting my ass show after show and
getting booed because I was smart enough to choose an Original 8 legend
to mentor
me. I'd be a fool to forget you cheering on Tragedy robbing me of my
first title shot against Justin Van Drake before taking the Joint Light
Heavyweight title to the UWF and hiding for half a year. I'd be a fool
to forget that when Kyle Lee ordered Paul Wong to powerbomb me off the
Bastardtron after losing the GMT, some of you were actually excited. To
forget it took me being hospitalized before you actually appreciated
what I did week in and week out. So believe me, you can kiss my ass
before I come out here and do [MEEP] else for any of you.
[A massive chorus of boos from the crowd.]
1WA: Don't get me wrong, I knew the power of having you on my side to
make sure I stayed in the limelight, but don't think for a moment I
forgot the
bull[MEEP] you put me through any more than I forgot Lee trying to end
me. Believe me, I promised myself back then that when this moment came
I'd get
my R. Kelly on and piss on all of you.
[More hostile boos.]
1WA: That's right. All the Free Lee crap. All the warring with the Hand
of Doom. All of that was to make sure you handed me this belt. Which
means I
pimped the system, I pimped Lee, and I pimped each and everyone one of
you. And THAT'S Amity mutha[MEEP]as!
["ANGEL SUCKS! ANGEL SUCKS! ANGEL SUCKS!"]
1WA: Do I really? Well, I guess I did suck you of all your pathetic
suburban wealth and gave it back to the streets!
[He and Tran laugh at the crowd which only provokes more boos.]
1WA: The Advent Angel is back. Now it's time for you to get on MY
level. HOLLA!
[1WA just drops the mic to the ground and "Advent One-Winged Angel"
kicks back up as the Amity duo makes there way backstage to a shower of
boos.]
Skullhead: Things have shifted big time.
Slush: Oh god... are you going to use a corporate word like paradigm?
Skullhead: No...
Slush: Good, because I don't need you to be talking about my son in
corporate terms. He is not the lackey of The Man.
Pinhead: Oh God.
Slush: My son is his own man.
Pinhead: He's not your son.
Slush: Of course he is. He hates you. That's a Slush family genetic
trait.
Pinhead: And it were true, it would be the ONLY thing.
Skullhead: If One-Winged Angel has truly turned his back on the fans,
it turns the tides a bit.
Slush: I know where you're going Skullhead. You're gonna be meta. Break
the fourth wall. But you're not funny. Only I can break the fourth
wall. And sometimes the Fraternity Boys. But it's like piercing the
space time continuum. If you do it too often... well stuff like black
holes and Ben Affleck happen.
Skullhead: Sure thing Slush. Let's just move on then. We'll gate
reaction to Angel as we go along.
VOX: "The world turns aside to let any man pass who knows where he is
going."
[ images of action in a wrestling ring fill the screen, with the
details blurred enough to conceal identity. The voice, soft-spoken yet
crisp, does not betray a clear answer to identity. The images are split
between sixteen mini-screens, four by four, and while the moves can be
defined, those performing them cannot.]
VOX: There is in all paths of life a beginning. Therein lays the end of
similarity. We all strive to find our place in this life, but with
varying degrees of intensity. Varying desires to excel...to achieve.
But what of achievement?
[the top left corner fades to black]
What achievement is enough? To graduate with honors? To wed and begin a
family? To find contentment in life and nothing more in the most meager
of manners?
[the lower right corner fades to black]
Such petty, small goals bearing so great a weight to some. Such praise
for that which is mediocre...or worse, banal.
[slowly, as the voice continues to speak, the other windows begin to
close, one by one]
The rebirth of the MBC shows how some dreams, some goals never truly
fade from the hearts of those who strive to meet them. There is a great
love for this place. A great zeal to achieve by those who fail to
distinguish themselves elsewhere.
The Mighty Bastard Coalition has drawn misfits vying for the attention
so long denied them because they lacked that which was found to bring
compensation-viewers, ratings, advertisers-and gave them the forum to
prove the world wrong.
And those who accepted the challenge in turn responded with nothing of
value. They allowed their own mediocrity to weigh them down in spite of
the opportunity to excel.
Oh, some have claimed their legacies here as legends. And those are the
rare few for whom Epictitus' words carry any value at all.
[As the voice speaks more slowly, the last two images on the screen sit
in the center. The action within is still blurred, the combatants still
hidden]
"The world turns aside to let any man pass who knows where he is
going."
I am bound for immortality. And have no doubt...I shall achieve it in
the MBC by any means necessary.
[the image on the left of the screen fades as a blurred figure in the
center of the remaining screen has his arm raised by a figure in
referee's garb. The image freezes on the screen for a moment before
fading back to ringside.]
Slush: Oh God! My brain... it's shutting down!
Pinhead: It's been turned on?
Slush: He quoted that dude Euthanasia! It hurts!
Pinhead: It was Epictitus.
Slush: Doesn't matter! Whoever that was has wounded me in the head!
Skullhead: All in all, not a bad thing. But hopefully we'll soon
discover who that was exactly.
Slush: Did you just crack a joke at my expense?
Pinhead: I believe he did.
Skullhead: While Slush's brain melts, let's go to this next segment.
[Fade to backstage... a woman in her mid-30s... a woman we recognize
from the last days of MBC's last run as Sarah Sharpe. She is dressed in
a black jacket over a white shirt, plus black pants and shoes.]
SS: Been a while since MBC was around, huh?
A lot has changed since that time... some of it here, some of it
elsewhere... yet some things remain the same.
[A nod.]
SS: Well, one thing hasn't changed... I'm still managing a certain tag
team here... you ought to remember who those men are.
But yet, there's something different...
[An off-camera voice.]
"We got ourselves a makeover!"
[And onto camera walks the man who said that... a very big man... a man
you know as "Doctor EMS" Eric Matthew Somers.]
EMS: Nah... the nickname is gone.
[Really?]
EMS: Really... and that is certainly what is different.
[Onto camera walks the man who is Somers' tag team partner, Dave
Cooper.]
DC: No particular reason... just figured change is good.
So no nicknames anymore... and no Public Safety anymore. Just call us
Rough N' Ready.
[Well, there you have it.]
EMS: But what hasn't changed is this...
[A sly grin.]
EMS: We still live for beating people up... just like we did before.
[Cooper nods.]
DC: And we can guarantee all the other tag teams in MBC are going to be
seeing plenty of us.
[Sarah folds her arms.]
SS: Like I said... a lot has changed, but some things remain the same.
[Fade out.]
Slush: If I had a choice, I'd rather die than go into that dude's
ambulance.
Pinhead: Like hell you'd die. You're a coward.
Slush: That's not the point. And we're speaking metaphysically.
Pinhead: Right. Do you know what that word means?
Slush: Of course I do. Ummm... do you?
Skullhead: It's all a moot point anyway. There won't be anymore
ambulances. Now they're simply called Rough N'Ready.
Slush: Which one wears the kilt and which one wears the top hat?
Pinhead: That's Guns N'Roses.
Slush: Never heard of them.
Skullhead: The time has come, ladies and gentlemen, for our main event.
Slush: I HATE TOM LANDIS!
Skullhead: Indeed. "Hellraiser" Tom Landis steps inside a steel cage to
challenge "The Shotgun" Stan Crawford for the SBC Championship.
Slush: Hopefully for the last time. Maybe Crawford will shotgun Landis'
face off. That would be keen. Back me up hamster.
Tinkle: ...
Slush: I said back me up!
Tinkle: MORP!
Pinhead: Morp?
Skullhead: Landis and Crawford have a long history here in the MBC.
Crawford has always been sort of a locker room leader. There came a
time when Landis resented that and well, the rest became bloody
history. In fact, they even traded off the SBC belt before. And now
Landis wants it back.
Slush: Oh god! OH GOD NO!
Pinhead: What?
Slush: Tom Landis got that chick pregnant!
Skullhead: Tara Marshall?
Slush; I HATE MRS. TOM LANDIS!
Pinhead: That would be her.
Slush: There's a baby Landis on the way! My worst nightmare has come to
pass! There is no God! THERE IS NO GOD!
Pinhead: I'm sure there is. He just doesn't like you. Or at least
you're lower on the ladder than let's say... oh... toe jam.
[The scene opens to Stan Crawford in a nice looking living room. He
sits on a leather couch, and there's a large plasma TV in the
background. There are various pictures of Crawford in action and with
other wrestlers scattered on a coffee table, and his Smash Bash Crucify
Title is mounted on the wall above the TV. Crawford looks slightly
older than the last time we saw him. His short dark hair is peppered
with a little gray, but he appears to be in good shape.]
Crawford: I haven't stepped foot in a wrestling ring since the MBC left
us almost 2 years ago. I just haven't felt the need to compete. I've
been everywhere, and I've done it all. But now the MBC is back, and
when I got a call inviting me back, there's no way in hell I could say
no. I've had the most fun in front of those fans, and I've had most of
my success here.
[He stands up and grabs the SBC title off of the wall.]
Crawford: Now I get to defend this title again. That'll be fun. I get
to face Tom Landis. That'll be even more fun. Remember the last time
we faced, Tom? I'm sure you do. If you don't, I've got it all cued up
for you.
[Stan picks up a remote control and flips on the TV. The screen shows
Crawford hitting Tom Landis in the head with a bottle. Landis goes
down, and Crawford executes his finisher, the .12 Gauge, twice. The
second time he hits the move it is on broken glass, and Tom Landis
starts to bleed.]
Crawford: Remember that, Tom? You had the advantage. You picked the
match, first blood, and you bled! Everything was in YOUR favor, but I
still came out on top. The odds were on your side, and you lost.
We're evenly matched this time. I know what I'm getting into. Do you
really think that the outcome is going to be different?
[The camera zooms in on Crawford's face.]
Crawford: I've come back because I like beating up guys like you, Tom.
Are you sure you want to come back? I'd understand if you just stayed
home.
[Fade...]
__ _______ _____________________________________________
/ |/ / __ )/ ____/ STEEL CAGE SMASH BASH CRUCIFY
/ /|_/ / __ / / CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE MATCH
/ / / / /_/ / /___ "THE SHOTGUN" STAN CRAWFORD [c] vs
/_/ /_/_____/\____/ "HELLRAISER" TOM LANDIS
|
|_______________________________________Writer: J.J. Robertson
[Once the cage is secured, the bell rings to start the match. Both men
move as soon as the sound rings out, launching themselves at the other.
They waste no time, simply laying into each other with heavy punches.
After a few seconds, it is clear that Crawford, the stronger of the
two, has an advantage and begins forcing Landis back. Landis counters
by ducking under a heavy swing from his opponent and coming up inside
his reach, delivering a knee to the midsection and a quick jab into the
stomach to follow it up. As Crawford doubles over, Landis moves
slightly to the side and lashes out with a pair of kicks to Crawford's
leg that takes him down to one knee. From there, the Hellraiser steps
back and measures Crawford for a big boot to the face, but Crawford
manages to reach up, grabbing the incoming boot and swinging Landis off
balance and away. Tom hits the ropes, barely avoiding snapping his head
into the cage, and rebounds, coming back at Crawford with a dropkick
that takes the Shotgun in the chest. The impact sends Crawford back,
but somehow he manages to grab Landis and turn with the impact,
swinging his opponent through the air. Crawford hits the ropes and
drives his shoulder and the side of his head into the cage. The impact
breaks his hold on Landis, but his goal is still accomplished when
Landis takes the same hit as Crawford, swinging between the middle and
top rope.]
[While Both men managed to grab the ropes to keep from completely
falling, Crawford finds himself in the better position and doesn't
hesitate to use it. A kick catches Landis in the midsection, halting
his attempt to make his feet. A second stomp nearly breaks his hold on
the ropes, and the third does. Once Landis is down on the mat, Stan
Crawford wastes no time laying in heavy kicks and stomps to his downed
opponent. Landis does his best to try to cover up, but with Crawford
kicking him into the cage, the results are mixed and finally give way
to the inevitable. When Landis stops struggling, Crawford kicks him
once more for good measure before pulling him back away from the cage
and drops a knee on his head for good measure. Finally satisfied,
Crawford pulls his opponent up and whips him over into the corner, then
follows with a clothesline. Instead of letting him fall, Crawford holds
him up and turns, planting Landis in the mat with a Powerslam and
covering for a pin.]
1
2
[Landis barely manages to kick out before the three. Crawford pulls up,
bringing Landis with him and shoots him into the ropes. He catches
Landis on the rebound and hoists him up in the air while charging for
the opposite side of the ring. As he runs, he holds Landis out, face
first, to use as a battering ram on the cage. Just before impact,
Landis lands behind Crawford and fires out, catching him in the back of
the head with a superkick that drives Crawford's face into the steel
cage, along with a spray of blood. As Crawford drops to the mat, Landis
drops on top of him, trying for a quick cover.]
1
2
[Crawford throws Landis off, breaking the count. As he tries to get up
and recover, Landis moves in quickly, snapping a chop across the
Champion's throat, then delivering an elbowstrike to the head. Turning,
Landis grabs Crawford's arm, using it to pull him closer to the cage.
He puts the elbow against a link in the cage and kicks the arm, further
driving the elbow into the cage. As Crawford struggles, Landis drags it
back and forth and kicks it again until he's opened up Crawford's arm
as well. Finally, Crawford gets hold of the back of Landis' tights and
yanks him back off his feet and down to the mat. Landis quickly kips up
to his feet and is waiting for Crawford when he makes it up as well,
delivering a stiff punch to the cut opened up on Crawford's face and a
kick to the midsection. Landis grabs a facelock and goes for a DDT.
Crawford blocks it, then overpowers Landis, standing with Landis on his
shoulder and falling back, dropping the Hellraiser into the side of the
cage and dragging him down along it until his neck catches on the top
rope. As soon as Crawford hits the mat, he's moving, rolling to his
knees and striking out, catching his opponent with a wicked elbow shot
that takes him in the kidneys. Crawford grabs his challenger by the
back of the head and slams him face-first into the cage twice, then
turns with him and launches him across the ring and into the far cage.
Landis reels back from the cage and topples to the mat, just in time
for Crawford to come in and connect with a running elbow drop, and hook
him for the cover.]
1
2
[Landis barely manages to kick out before the three count. Crawford
pulls him up to his feet, hitting him with some stiff forearm shots to
keep him
disoriented, then scoops him up and charges the corner, delivering a
backbreaker splash across the top turnbuckle. The Champion leaves his
opponent hanging upside down in the corner and delivers a couple of
knees to the face to keep him from leaving. Crawford goes to the far
corner and sets himself. he charges in and lashes out with a running
boot. At the last second, Landis pulls himself out of the way. Crawford
slams into the corner, his leg going through the ropes and hitting the
cage, slamming his knee into the links when his leg buckles, then
trapping him on the middle rope. His head slams into Landis' back,
knocking Landis face-first into the cage, then sliding down to the
apron.]
[Both men take several seconds getting themselves back together. Landis
drags himself out from the edge, pulling up on the ropes, while
Crawford clutches at his knee. Seeing Landis on the move, the Champion
starts to pull himself away from the ropes, but the Hellraiser lunges,
clipping his opponent's good leg out from under him and crotching
Crawford on the middle rope. In pain, Crawford teeters, falling over
and crashing to the mat. Landis finishes pulling himself up and turns
back to his opponent, stopping him from trying to rise with a series of
kicks to the head. Grabbing Crawford, Landis uses a monkey flip to
launch him over the ropes and into the cage.]
[As Crawford staggers back from the impact, Landis pops up and goes for
the ropes. He hooks the Champion and signals for the Diamond Dust as he
gets into position. Landis leaps, going for the finisher, but midway
through the leap, Crawford suddenly comes alive, throwing Landis off,
who lands hard on his back, then eats a fist from Crawford as he starts
to writhe up in pain. The punch puts him back down on the mat, But
Crawford pulls him up, cinching him around the waist. Crawford goes for
the 12 Gauge, only for Landis to latch onto the cage, stopping it.
Crawford releases Landis and snaps his head forward, headbutting Landis
in the back of the head and forcing his opponents face into the cage.
When Landis is struggles, Crawford grabs him by the back of the head,
slamming his face repeatedly into the cage until his arms drop. Not
finished yet, Crawford rehooks his challenger's waist, picking him up
and taking him back with the 12-Guage, forcing Landis to collide again
on the cage before going down to the mat. Crawford pulls Landis just
clear of the ropes and covers for the pin.]
1
2
3
RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match and STIIIIL Smash Bash Crucify
Champion... "THE SHOTGUN" STAN CRAWFORD!!!
Slush: Thank the Gods!
Pinhead: I thought you said there was no God.
Slush: God. Singular. I said thank the "gods" plural.
Pinhead: But if there is no god how can there be many gods?
Tinkle: MULP!
Slush: MULP? Uh oh...
Pinhead: Slush seriously, what's wrong with Tinkle.
[Tinkle starts to shake violently]
Slush: Damn it. He's overheating.
Pinhead: Hamsters don't do that when they overheat...
[And suddenly Tinkle explodes. But there is no gore...
...simply pieces of metal and circuits.]
Skullhead: Is there something you want to tell us Slush?
Slush: Fine. FINE! I admit it. I couldn't convince Tinkle to comeback
to the MBC.
Pinhead: Then we should have sent somebody else.
Skullhead: What is he doing now?
Slush: He's in some Vegas show living the good life.
Pinhead: And you replaced him with a robot?
Slush: I had to do something. People love the damn hamster!
Skullhead: And now their loving him in Vegas.
Slush: Screw this! He's not getting the good life! I'm getting Tinkle
back because I'll be damned if I'm the only miserable one here!
[And with that, Slush gets up and storms up the aisle to the back.]
Pinhead: Think we could replace Slush with a robot?
Skullhead: Why replace him?
Pinhead: Point.
Skullhead: That's it for us folks. We'll see you next time on the House
of Bastards!
[Fade to sweet merciful black.]