<MBC> HOUSE OF BASTARDS 3-30-06 HOUR 1
Cygnia
voice... a deep voice that would shake the souls of those who have
souls. But this only leads to the debate if bastards even have a
soul... but I digress...]
VOICE OVER: In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...
[This darkness then turns to the vastness of space, filled with stars,
nebulas, planets, all that space junk The Man wants you to believe is
out there.]
...sometime later...
[And then the camera turns to the Planet Earth, the giant blue ball
of... heh... blue ball...]
...someone... somewhere... created the MBC.
[Fast forward to the last MBC broadcast where it was proven that
Bastardism mixed together with democracy just doesn't work. It was
SplatterNad 2004 in fact. Becky Carlisle-Skullhead came to the ring and
announced to the world, or at the very least, the pay per view
audience, the results of the MBC Election...]
BCS: And finally, with 33.3% of the vote and the new President of the
MBC...
Skullhead: Oh God no!
BCS: Vengeance.
[And we see the sheer terror on the faces of the people. Men, women,
and children, allweeping openly as Vengeance came to the ring
victorious. With his God Queen at his side... well... roll that
footage...
Becky, because she is sane, steps back and slides out of the ring, and
finally Dr. Vengeance turns to regard his subjects. The crowd reaction
is mixed and powerful -- lots of boos, but lots of cheering, as well.
They *did* vote for this guy, after all.]
DV: Slaves! Servants! Bastards! A new era of pain and misery has
arrived!
[Mixed-like-crazy pop.]
DV: For scores with Holly Hotbody ago, this humble young Dr. Vengeance
had a dream. Dr. Vengeance had a dream, a dream to tell you that you
have nothing to fear but fear itself...
...and of course, nothing to fear but Dr. Vengeance holding the
presidency. Screwed that one up, didn't you!
[This image of Vengeance reveling in his victory slows to a crawl and
fades to black and white. We fast forward a few weeks in that glorious
year of 2004 because since then God created TIVO. And it was good.
Our introduction finds us within the Congressional Chambers of our
(beloved/much maligned/other) United States Government. Sitting like
ducks in a row is the Congressional Rightness And Morality Panel.
That's C.R.A.M.P. for those of you at home who are keeping score.
Sitting before them, wearing a Pope Hat and full assortment of shining
medieval armor is the one and only High Pope of Hate Vengeance.]
Vengeance: Be fast mortals. The President must cut the ribbon at the
opening of the new Starbucks. It is through nonfat no foam mocaachino's
that I shall spread my message of hate.
Senator #1: Mister Vengeance...
Vengeance: Put the flask down Kennedy! I am the Pope! Refer to me by my
proper title!
Senator #1: I'm not Senator Kennedy.
Vengeance: All you senator monkeys look the same! Get on with your
questioning! I demand it!
Senator #2: How do you answer the calls for MBC programming to be
pulled from broadcast television?
Vengeance: Heathens! The MBC is a bastion of all that is good and
hateful now that I have taken over. Pull it if you dare!
Senator #3: You don't think any of the content on your shows is
objectionable in any way?
Vengeance: Americans love to hate. Americans love Vengeance! Soon
Canada and Mexico will fall in line! And then... GREENLAND!
Senator #1: You have quite the record Mr. Vengeance. It says here you
once declared war on Finland?
Vengeance: The Fins are taking over our hockey and our culture. How can
anyone be so blind not to see this fact?
Senator #3: Mr. Vengeance, I've watched your shtick for quite a while
and I am personally offended at its nature. As of yet you have given us
nothing to show that the MBC has any redeeming qualities.
Vengeance: Redeeming qualities? You want redeeming qualities?
[Vengeance stands, knocking over the table. His armor shines gloriously
in the reflected camera light.]
Vengeance: I'll give you something redeeming.
[A normal person in this spot would choose this time to give a stirring
speech, discussing the value of satire in this great country of ours. A
normal leader would go on to speak about the value of laughter in a
country that has so little to laugh about in an age of terrorism and
natural disasters that cause more destruction than ever before. Free
speech. Freedom of expression. Ideals that this country was founded on.
But this is vengeance.
Instead of a stirring speech...
Senators #1, #2, #3 and everyone else: MY DEAR GOD! HOW DARE YOU!
[...his cod piece falls off. And what's beneath... well it's a wardrobe
malfunction. It's pixilated and... well... you get the idea.]
Vengeance: Here is your redeeming quality!
[Somewhere a woman faints as Vengeance places his hands on his hips and
shows his malfunction off.]
Senator #1: Your behavior is reprehensible Mister Vengeance! I have no
choice but to ban you from television indefinitely. And seeing as how
you represent the MBC, the MBC is also banned from American television
until further notice.
[Vengeance keeps smiling and showing "it" off. The gavel of the senator
slams down three times and we fade to black. Darkness again. And then
the magical text appears...]
TWO YEARS LATER
["Shake Your Blood" by Probot with Lemmy Kilmister quickly begins to
play as the opening credits kick into motion. We're treated to various
images of the MBC's last pay per view, SplatterNad 2004. Taylor
MacKenzie hitting a Basic Instinct on Tara Marshall... Taylor then
kissing Slush out of utter frustration...]
#Looking for relief in your miserable life.#
#You need some rock 'n' roll, and you better get it right.#
#Got to roll them bones, do everything they say.#
#If your cool, then you're the fool, make it work, every day.#
[Tragedy and "The Atomic Son" Sean Malcomb getting into a backstage
confrontation... Malcomb getting the DQ win over the Harlequin
leader... Stephanie Harper ripping the "Danny Has Two Moms" T-shirt
from Kari Stevens back... Kari trying to throw powder into Stephanie's
face but the Somers Twins blowing it into hers instead...]
#Rock out - Do it quick.#
#My, my, my, let it rip.#
#Rock out - Feeling good.#
#Break your heart.#
#Shake your blood.#
[Ryu Osawa getting the pin on Lt. Daniel "Lethal" Lawson... and then
the two turning on PETA protestors... Fury and the Sons of Cacophony
finding each other in the parking garage for their street fight...
Rage's head getting shoved through a glass window... Nina Grimsson and
Myra Benedict throwing each other into ropes of barbed wire... the
crowd giving both women a standing ovation as they leave...]
#Band up on the stage.#
#Crowd is going wild.#
#I love to see the women, babe.#
#I ain't in denial.#
[Lolita Love squaring off with Amazing Grace... Leanna Love pinning
Holly Hotbody to win the Psycho Driver Tag team titles... Felicity
Malone looking across the ring to both her sister Rose and her mentor
Crimson... Felicity turning on Crimson, punching him right in the
face... Felicity and Tesla St. James brawling in the middle of the
ring... the two women shaking hands afterwards... "Tornado" Tara Smith
looking into her hometown crowd as she walks the aisle... and her
victory to regain the MBC Women's Championship...]
#Make you crazy too.#
#Make you shove it out.#
#Lookin' good, get some wood.#
#You knew you should, you knew you could.#
[Stan Crawford and "Hellraiser" Tom Landis punching away at one
another... smashing through tables... Crawford cracking Landis over the
head to draw blood and win back his Smash Bash Crucify Championship...
Team Canada awaiting their opponents... "Dr, EMS" Eric Matthew Somers
bringing out "Sheriff" David Cooper... the two teams squaring off
outside the ring... Vengeance being announced as the newly elected
president...]
#Rock out - do it now.#
#My, my, my, show me how.#
#Rock out - make it good.#
#Break your heart.#
#Shake your blood.#
[And finally, we see images from the Ballbreaker Cage Match... Crimson
and One-Winged Angel brawling on top of the cage... both men falling
through the top... Angel hanging upside down by one foot... Crimson
using him like a human piñata... 1WA then coming off the top
turnbuckle... and One-Winged Angel holding his newly won World
Championship above his head. The image lingers before it gives way to
the guitar solo and logo...]
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M A R C H 3 0 , 2 0 0 6
R E U N I O N A R E N A
D A L L A S , T X
H O U R O N E
[The logo fades as the music continues on triumphantly. It has been a
while. Almost two years now. That logo is back and better than ever.
Well maybe not better. It's the same damn one, just cut and pasted. But
you missed it. And subconsciously you know it's the same but the media
has hyped it to be better. Yeah. That's it. Anyways, enough of my
prattling. I don't think anybody reads this section anyways. At least
till we get to the crowd and the stupid fan signs. Oh right. There are
people in the arena.]
Skullhead: Welcome everyone to the long awaited return of the Mighty
Bastard Championship!
[As that trusty ol' voice welcomes you back to the madness, let's take
a look at the crowd. We don't have the MBC Arena anymore but Reunion,
old as it may be, is one hell of a place for a wrestling show. All the
people are on their feet yelling and screaming and believe it or not,
it's because they want to be here. Scary I know.]
Pinhead: Funny, I don't remember the narrator being so arrogant and
bitter.
[Up yours Pinhead. Anyways, the cameras scan the crowd, mostly focusing
on those fine, fine Dallas ladies in their prime years. We get a view
of the usual sorts of signs: "Welcome Back!", "Brokeback Bastard", and
my personal favorite "Why wasn't my Tinkle plush under warranty?"]
Slush: You know, that's not a bad question.
[Our cameras turn to ringside to see a team that should have been
locked away never to return. But nobody wanted to get near them. Can't
blame them really. At right, our play by play and lucky bastard who
gets to nail that piece of a wife of his, Skullhead. At center, still
bald and still the author of an unauthorized autobiography, Pinhead. At
left, wearing a top hat, scarf and a suit so loud it would make Ray
Charles gouge out his eyes, Slush. And at the center of it all, in his
cage looking... lethargic.. is the national sensation with the burning
urination, Tinkle.]
Pinhead: Seriously bitter man.
Skullhead: It's good to be back in the great state of Texas and it's
even better to be back behind this desk.
Slush: I can think of better things to be doing.
Skullhead: Well for the most part. Exceptions to every rule after all.
Pinhead: And Slush seems to be in every one of them. My personal
favorite being how evolution is a good thing.
Slush: Don't hate me because I'm... well just don't hate me. I'm
sensitive.
Pinhead: Right, I didn't believe it two years ago and I don't believe
it now.
Tinkle: MEEP!
Pinhead: Does Tinkle sound off tonight?
Slush: Umm no. He simply has a cold. Yeah. That's it. A cold.
Skullhead: We have a spectacular card lined up for you tonight folks.
The MBC has pulled out all the stops to make sure that our latest run
of programming exceeds all that have come before.
Pinhead: Then why is Slush here?
Slush: Because of the Slushies.
Pinhead: The what?
Slush: The Slushies. Like Trekkies but for me.
Pinhead: Oh God in heaven.
Skullhead: Starting off tonight's show will be a tag team contest
featuring the bruising Schram Brothers facing off against the cult
favorite Dead Pezzy.
Pinhead: I heard that Dead Boy Jones found religion in the off time.
Slush: Not the right one if he's not a Slushie.
Skullhead: Our women's division starts back with a bang as we have two
great matches in the first hour. Amazing Grace makes her MBC return
against Taylor MacKenzie.
Slush: Why must you continue to mock my boy Taylor? Sure he's rather
shapely but that's no reason to call him a woman.
Pinhead: Taylor IS a woman.
Slush: No, Taylor is not. And... why oh why didn't he return my phone
calls?
Pinhead: Because its gets increasingly creepier every time you leave a
voicemail?
Tinkle: MEEP!
Slush: And in a non-title match, the reigning MBC Women's Champion
"Tornado" Tara Smith faces Holly Hotbody. And from what I understand,
Holly is NOT pleased that Vengeance has been banned by the MBC.
Pinhead: Of course not. Vengeance was her ticket to power. I'm sure
things would be different if it was her wardrobe that malfunctioned
instead of his.
Tinkle: MEEP!
Pinhead: He sounds almost... machine like.
Slush: Don't make fun of the hamster just because he's sick. You
heartless bastard!
Skullhead: In mixed six person tag team action...
Slush: That sounds kinky.
Skullhead: Team Bastard Champions Team Canada come together with
"Poison Bliss" Myra Benedict to face the familiar trio of Nina, Chad
and Erik Grimsson. The ring has been reinforced and possible weapons
removed from ringside. Ladies and gentlemen, if there was ever a match
that could get ugly, it would be this one.
Slush: You know.. they're Canadian. And for that I would make jokes
about Rush. But I know my man MacKenzie likes Rush. I could not insult
Getty Lee because that would be like insulting Taylor.
Pinhead: I would have hoped that two years away you would realize that
Taylor is a woman and you are not gay.
Slush: I'm here and queer Pinhead. Get used to it.
[Somewhere the censors are scrambling asking if he can get away with
that.]
Skullhead: And in the main event, one of the all time greats in MBC
history and reigning Smash Bash Crucify Champion "The Shotgun" Stan
Crawford steps into a steel cage to defend his title against...
Slush: I HATE TOM LANDIS!
Skullhead: ...former SBC and MBC World Champion "Hellraiser" Tom
Landis.
Slush: Wow that felt so good to say again. Somebody get me a cigarette.
Pinhead: It's amazing how fast you threw that out there.
Slush: When you're good, you're good.
Skullhead: All this and more as the MBC returns to the House of
Bastards.
[The cameras pan across the Reunion Arena, showing fans cheering and
waving signs in a packed house. The pan slows, focusing in on a
suspiciously empty bank of seats in the middle tier of seating. There
are two rows of three seats that are roped off and have security
standing around, making sure no one gets into them. A spotlight focuses
on the area, and the nearby fans go wild, cheering that they are on
camera. After a few seconds of this, the sounds familiar sounds of Roy
Buchanon's guitar, blasting out 'Sneaking Godzilla Through the Alley"
come across the speakers. the two guards, already looking well out of
their element, look around at the fans, but fail to miss the Schram
brothers coming up to the walkway behind them. Jeff is leading and he
bulls into one of the guards, pushing him down the stairs and over the
railing into the crowd below, who quickly bodysurf the man out of their
way. Meanwhile, Winston Schram follows, with a keg on each arm. The
first of these he hefts at the second guard. The guard grabs it out of
reflex and staggers back, heading toward the railing. Jeff stops him
and relieves him of the keg, then uses it to finish nudging him over
the edge, to follow his partner. The brothers slam the kegs down in the
seats and while Jeff rips away the roping around their seats, Winston
begins spraying beer around in the general direction of the cups of the
nearby audience. Finally, Jeff produces a Microphone and climbs up on
the other keg.}
JS: FRIENDS! ENEMIES! BASTARDS!
[The crowd roars back and Jeff holds the mic out to them.]
JS: Like the place we've made our home, we're back! And oh GOD does it
feel good!
[Again the crowd cheers. this time, the brothers use the opportunity to
switch jobs. Jeff begins pouring beer for the people on the lower
level, while Winston takes the mic.]
WS: You see these seats? [He gestures around him.] This is our place.
This is our party. Every event, every show, every get together, you'll
find us here. Everyone is welcome to come drop in on the party. There's
always more good times to be had up here.
[To emphasize this, he gestures back where the brothers emerged from.
As he does, Jimmy and Robyn Schram appear pulling a handcart that has a
third key and giant bags of bar snacks. Robyn, seeing herself on
camera, stops to wave and smile. This means Jimmy is in the lead when
the crowd notices him and surges, mobbing him for the free food and
beer. Jimmy is quickly lost in the mob.]
WS: And this is also where anyone who wants to pick a fight with us can
come find us. Team Canada, the Sons, the Love Sisters...we don't care.
A fight's a fight. Just as good a time to be had as this party. But
don't ya'll think we're just hanging out doing our impression of the
Frat boys out here. This is for fun. You get in our sights, and it'll
end in that ring. [He points across the crowd to the ring] and you'll
find that since we were all last here, Jeff and I have just kept
getting better and better.
[A scream of help pulls Winston's attention. he hands the mic to his
brother and goes to pull Jimmy out of the mob while Jeff takes over.]
JS: It's never changed for Win and I. We're here to fight. We'll fight
anybody, any time, in any way you want. We've only ever been concerned
with belts because it means everybody's gunning for you. Well, if
that's what it takes, I guess we'll have to go after Team Canada. So,
you hockey goons, we're letting you know, sooner or later, it's going
to be you and us in that ring. Bet on it. But tonight, here in a few
minutes, we're gonna kill Dead Pezzy.
[Winston drops a dazed Jimmy in a chair and Robyn presses a bear into
his hand. Winston grabs the mic from his brother .]
WS: In fact, let's do that now. Get them out here!
[He drops the mic and both men go down over the railing and head for
the ring as their music cuts in.]
__ _______ _____________________________________________
/ |/ / __ )/ ____/
/ /|_/ / __ / /
/ / / / /_/ / /___ THE SCHRAM BROTHERS versus DEAD PEZZY
/_/ /_/_____/\____/
|
|__________________________________________Writer: Kyle B. Lee
Dead Pezzy was already in the ring by the time the Schrams had made
their declaration within the crowd. They didn't seem too pleased to be
teaming again but thems the tricks. Jeff and Winston rolled into the
ring, but the referee tried to shop them from flat out charging at
Smith and Jones. Try being the operative word as you can see that
Winston was quite large and the referee was quite small. Winston pushed
past the zebra shirt and leveled Dead Boy Jones with a lariat. Jeff
muscled past the referee as well and dropkicked Johnny Smith outside
the ring. Jeff followed outside and pulled Johnny to his feet. Johnny
fired back but was knocked into the dasher boards by Jeffrey. The
referee moved to the outside to regain some order and eventually
managed to get Jeff back to his corner, and as soon as he got back up,
"Pezzy" Johnny Smith went to his. Meanwhile back in the ring, Winston
was tossing Dead Boy like a bag of potatoes. Winston sent him from
ringpost to ringpost as Dead Boy could gain no momentum at all. Winston
pulled Jones to the center of the ring and whipped him to the ropes.
Winston doubled over and it was just enough for Dead Boy to leapfrog
over. Instead of rebounding, Jones went to his corner and tagged Johnny
in. As you can imagine, Johnny wasn't too happy. Before he could tell
his partner how he felt, the freshly tagged in Jeffrey Schram came in
and surprised him with a Tornado DDT. Jeffrey covered and got to the
count of two before the referee noticed that Smith had his foot on the
rope.
It didn't matter much to Jeffery though. He yanked Johnny up and sent
him to the ropes. On the return, Jeffrey executed a hurricanrana but
Smith rolled through it and managed to get Jeff into a pinning
position. Jeffrey kicked out at one and a half and was quick to get
right back on offense. Johnny was dazed but the occasional spark would
allow him to land a few good shots. After some back and forth action,
Johnny whipped Jeff to the ropes. Jeff came running back and slid
between Smith's legs. As Smith turned to face Jeff, Winston came up
behind him and locked Smith into the beginnings of a release German
suplex. Jeff knocked Dead Boy off the apron with a knee to the stomach
and climbed to the top turnbuckle. In the blink of the eye, the Schrams
hit their patented Caber Toss and with no one to make the save, Jeff
covered to get the easy three count.
RING ANNOUNCER: The winners of this match by pinfall, THE SCHRAM
BROTHERS!
Skullhead: Another impressive victory for Winston and Jeffrey.
Slush: Please, I could sneeze on Dead Pezzy and you'd call it an
impressive victory.
Skullhead: Given how long it's been since they were in a MBC ring, it's
certainly a positive that they're rolling so well right out of the
gate.
Slush: Right. You'd be impressed by something shiny on the floor.
Pinhead: You're projecting your faults onto others against, Slush.
Slush: You can take that and... OOH! SOMETHING SHINY ON THE FLOOR!
Pinhead: Victory is mine.
[Fade backstage. MBC Women's champion "Tornado" Tara Smith is walking
backstage with a cup of water in her hand. The Tornadic One is dressed
in a silver sports bra, silver hotpants and white wrestling boots with
silver kicking pads. The MBC Women's championship belt is fastened
around her waist.]
Male voice: Hey fatty! Lose some of that thigh cheese!
[Tara turns around in anger to confront the taunter, but the expression
on her face changes from a sneer to a smile when she sees who he is.
She embraces a handsome, well built young man.]
TTS: Bradley! How are you doing?
Bradley: I'm feeling great! I'm looking forward to seeing my sister in
action in the ring.
TTS: It's good to see you. My little brother, grown into such a
handsome young man. [Grins] I'd better keep you away from the women's
locker room.
Bradley: Someone else is here to see you, Tara. I've brought the baby
of the family with me.
[A beautiful teenage girl, barely seventeen, steps out from behind her
older brother. Her hair is red and long, just like her sister's.]
Girl: Hello Tara.
TTS: Katie! How have you been?
Katie: Things are going well. I've been training at Chris Myer's school
and should be making my pro debut soon.
[Tara's expression changes to a more somber one.]
TTS: Are you sure this is what you want to do. You should be thinking
about college at your age.
Katie: [sighs] I know you would prefer I do that, but this is my life
to live. I know you enjoyed your college days, but this is what I want
to do. I want to be a wrestler, just like you. I don't need several
years of college to tell me that. Besides, if I decide that I want to
go to college, it will still be there.
TTS: I understand. If this is what you want, I'll support your
decision.
Katie: [beaming] Thank you Tara!
TTS: Brad, what about you?
Bradley: I'm still thinking about it, but I also have football to think
about. I'll be coming off my redshirt year and I'll be competing for a
starting spot. Being a wrestler does appeal to me, but I want to pursue
my dream of one day playing pro football.
TTS: [smiling] Good luck to you.
Bradley: Hey, you're the one with the match tonight. You need luck more
than we do.
Katie: That's true! We want you to take care of that idiot Holly
Hotbody.
TTS: Holly and I are not friends, but we're not really enemies either.
Katie: But she's a friend of Amazing Grace.
TTS: You have a point. Gracie and I have been at each other's throats
for years. That, and she decided to ally herself with Vengeance. I'm
glad that guy is gone.
Bradley: Best of luck, Tara.
TTS: Thank you. Don't leave the arena without seeing me again. I want
to take both of you to dinner. How does a Brazilian steakhouse sound?
Katie: Outstanding!
Bradley: We'll be happy to join you!
TTS: Excellent! I'll go take care of Holly and then we can be off to
dinner. Now, I have a match to wrestle.
[Tara turns and walks away from her younger siblings as the camera
fades.]
Slush: What is it with wrestlers! They breed like rabbits!
Pinhead: It's perfectly normal for somebody to have siblings Slush.
Slush: No! There used to be only the one Smith. Now that are three. Did
somebody get them wet? Feed them after midnight? We already have the
Grimsson's and the Marshall's. I mean really. Who's next? The
Benedicts?
Pinhead: Actually...
Slush: Somebody needs to give these wrestlers some sex education.
Skullhead: And who would that be? You?
Slush: I don't see why not.
Pinhead: I can tell you exactly why not. You can't even tell the
difference between men and women.
Slush: Not this Taylor is a woman thing again.
Pinhead: Well she is!
Slush: I'm surprised Taylor doesn't sue your ass for discrimination.
Just because Taylor has sultry lips and legs to die for doesn't mean he
is a she. Did Eddie Murphy teach us nothing from his trannie hunting
escapades?
Pinhead: Apparently not.
Tinkle: MEeP!
Skullhead: I'm surprised Taylor doesn't sue ANY of us. And before she
does, let's hear from her now.
[Fade in backstage, where one nervous Billy "Scud" McKenzie stands
by...]
VO: ...mrowr...grrr...
[...and is watched by two pairs of glaring green eyes. No wonder
Scud's nervous. Of course, this is Scud we're talking about.
Breathing makes him
nervous.]
BM: Um, Taylor? Your pets aren't gonna DO anything dangerous...right?
VO: [calmly] They're just getting used to things again, Scud. They
haven't seen you in a while! Just don't make any sudden moves...
BM: Umm...
[Easier said than done. Then again, having two wildcats sniffing at
your legs isn't what you'd call a regular occurrence. Unless, of
course, you're
a certain person.]
VO: Machu, Picchu...give Scud some room to move, OK?
[Said person being everyone's favorite tomboy Taylor MacKenzie (respect
the "A" dammit!). Dressed in a Two Lumps "House of Russian Blues"
t-shirt, Taylor motions for her faithful ocelot and jaguarundi to back
away from the hapless MBC reporter as she pulls herself up from what
appears to be a covered cage. Now, can you remember which pet was
which? There'll be a quiz later on.]
>From cage: MEOW~!!
[Billy jumps a little suddenly. And even the two cats' eyes seem wide
as their ears both perk up at attention from the yowl.]
BSM: Uhhh, yeah... Taylor, I have to say, welcome back to MBC! How
have things been?
Taylor: Well, I appreciated the break. I relaxed, did some
traveling--
>From cage: MEOW~!!
Taylor: --got a new pet. Of course, I don't think Orinoco's ready to
come out yet.
BSM: Ah... [A gulp and a small audible sigh of relief.] Camera shy,
huh?
[The cage rattles loudly.]
>From cage: MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW~!!!!!!!
Taylor: [matter-of-factly] Oh no, TOTAL attention whore. And he's
been bugging me for donuts all day!
[She sighs a little, look of amusement on her face. Machu and Picchu
nuzzle their mistress' legs, as if to say "Aren't we cute too, Mommy?
We're being quiet and good!" To which Taylor begins to scratch behind
their ears, eliciting twin purrs of contentment.]
Taylor: Still, those who constantly beg for attention may make the
mistake of actually getting it. Case in point, Amazing Grace tonight.
[Taylor frowns] I've seen her work in UWF. I don't know what kind of
chip she's carrying on her shoulder, but if she brings it back to MBC
and tries to start anything, I'm MORE than willing to finish it!
BSM: Um, yeah... Speaking of begging for attention, does Slush still
think--?
[Taylor just grimaces.]
BSM: Eep! My sympathies.
Taylor: I thought he'd finally wise up during the hiatus! Or at least
get over it. Instead, I'm now stuck with twenty copies of "Will and
Grace" DVDs! [she shudders.] I may have to resort to stronger methods.
BSM: Restraining order?
Taylor: Kerosene.
[Fade back to the Unholy Three]
Slush: When did we take Scud back?
Pinhead: Before you actually.
Slush: Lies! It's all about me! No one comes before Slush!
Pinhead: Except for everybody.
Skullhead: Well our second match of the evening pits Taylor MacKenzie
against Amazing Grace. These two never have had much of a history with
one another but you never know what may kick that off.
Pinhead: And both women want to get to a good start here. Especially on
the first show. However, I think Grace will take it to a more extreme
level.
Skullhead: Let's hear from Amazing Grace.
[Fade to backstage: We find one of MBC's well known, although not well
liked, competitors, leaning against the wall and drinking from a bottle
of water.
Said competitor is Amazing Grace. She is already dressed in her
wrestling attire. As the camera zooms in on her, she just rolls her
eyes after finishing off a sip of water.]
Grace: So... the MBC returns again. I wonder whose bank account Lee
raided this time around.
[A chuckle.]
Grace: Oh, come on, you know that would fit in with Lee's motif. Maybe
he found there were still funds in that old referee's account that
people didn't know about.
[A shrug.]
Grace: Anyway, the MBC is back and they put me against Taylor
MacKenzie.
[A nod.]
Grace: How unfortunate for the one who the stray cats love to follow...
for she is about to face the better wrestler.
[Another chuckle.]
Grace: For those who doubt I can back that up...
[And here's the cocky grin.]
Grace: I'll just find a way to do that.
[Fade out.]
__ _______ _____________________________________________
/ |/ / __ )/ ____/
/ /|_/ / __ / /
/ / / / /_/ / /___ AMAZING GRACE versus TAYLOR MACKENZIE
/_/ /_/_____/\____/
|
|_________________________________________Writer: Bob Northrip
[As the bell rings, the two ladies lock up. Taylor pushes Gracie toward
the ropes and hits Gracie with several blows to the face, but Gracie
responds by giving Taylor a knee to the gut. Taylor doubles over and
Gracie whips Taylor into the ropes and hits her with a nice
dropkick.Gracie walks over and grabs Taylor by her hair and drags her
to her feet. She then nails Taylor with a DDT and drops a knee to
Taylor's throat. Gracie picks Taylor up and gives her a German Suplex
into a pin. Gracie only gets a one count. Gracie pulls Taylor up to her
feet and attempts to whip her into the ropes. Taylor reverses it and
hits Gracie with an armdrag takedown. Taylor keeps hold of the arm,
putting Gracie into an armbar and drives a knee into Gracie's back, but
Gracie is able to reach the ropes.
Taylor grabs Gracie's hair and drags her to her feet. As Taylor draws
back for a punch, Gracie nails her with a knee to the gut. As Taylor
doubles over, Gracie takes her down with a swinging neckbreaker. Gracie
starts choking out Taylor, releasing her just before the ref gets to
five. Gracie grabs
Taylor's head and runs to the ropes, leaping over to the floor, snaping
Taylor's neck accross the rope.Gracie slides back in the ring and
covers Taylor, but she kicks out at two. Amazing Grace grabs Taylor
and locks her in an abdominal.
As Taylor screams in pain, Gracie grabs the top rope for leverage,
releasing the rope just before the ref reaches five. Gracie goes for a
hurricanrana but Taylor reverses it into a powerbomb. The two lock up
in a test of strength, and Taylor drives Gracie to her knees. feet.
Taylor whips Gracie into the ropes, but after Gracierebounds off the
ropes, she catches Taylor with a flying dropkick.Taylor gets up and
goes to the corner. Just before Gracie can spring, Taylor nails her
with the Savage Grace and gets the three count.
RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match... TAYLOR MACKENZIE!
Slush: That's my man!
Pinhead: Really. Is that why Taylor is trying to get away from you as
quick as possible?
Skullhead: Strong with for MacKenzie and Grace is sure to be soar.
Pinhead: But she's far to talented and intellegent to let that get to
her.
Slush: Oh that's right. You had a thing for Gracie now didn't you.
Pinhead: Don't start with me Slush.
Slush: Why? I always heard you...
Pinhead: Stop right there! I know what you're going to say. I've read
the script ahead of time and I won't allow this joke!
Slush: Oh come on! I take this kind of crap all the time!
Pinhead: Because you're supposed to.
Tinkle: MEEP!
Slush: He does not have a point Judas of Hamsterot!
[The scene fades backstage to the dressing rooms, as the words "Earlier
Today" flash across the screen. This one belongs to a face quite
familiar to the MBC faithful: Holly Hotbody. We find the buxom, young
lass sitting at her mirrored vanity, clad in a low-cut, skintight,
black dress and heels. Her auburn hair falls down her back in waves. On
the counter are a number of cosmetics products and an open bottle of
champagne.
There's a forlorn look on her face, tears in her eyes and her cheeks
smeared with streaks of mascara, Holly clutching something close to her
chest. As the camera zooms in, we realize that it's a picture frame.
And as we move in even closer, we can finally make out the person on
the picture...Vengeance!?!]
HH: [whispering] Do you see, my God-King? Do you see what they have
done?
[She lets out a wistful sigh, wipes her eyes, and places the picture
frame delicately on the vanity, Vengeance's mug fully facing her,
before grabbing the bottle, taking a huge swig, and setting it aside.]
HH: It should have been us, darling. Me and you, ruling the MBC as king
and queen. Yet, we were robbed of our opportunity by very jealous, very
evil people. They couldn't stand to see us happy, so they worked to
destroy it all.
Now, when we finally have a chance to make things right, finally have
the chance to right the most terrible of wrongs, what happens? We're
denied again. This time, by that damned Kyle Lee!
[She sniffles and her look becomes one of pure anger.]
HH: He helps to bring the MBC back and does he even dare to acknowledge
the role that _I_....
[She pauses and flashes a weak smile towards Vengeance's picture before
hiccupping.]
HH: And you too, of course, darling.
[She composes herself and gets angry again, taking another gulp of
champagne.]
HH: Play in this organization!
[She suddenly stands to her feet and begins to pace, folding her arms
across her chest.]
HH: I'm the MBC's one and only "First Lady", damnit! Does he not
realize the lengths I went to get that position? The things I was asked
to say....to witness...to do...
[Her voice trails off and she shudders.]
HH: I should have some freakin' power around here already! I mean, it
would only be fair. But does Lee see it that way? Noooooooooooooooo!
He's so busy, taking back what technically shouldn't even be his! I
swear, it makes me so angry that I could...could...
[She suddenly stops and turns to face the camera, a sly grin slowly
moving across her face.]
HH: Get even.
[She returns to her seat and traces a finger gingerly along Vengeance's
picture.]
HH: That is one of the most important things I've learned from you,
after all. So, I'll play Lee's little game, be his happy, lowly, little
"wrestler".
[She shudders at the word.]
HH: But, all the while, I will do all that I can to destroy all that he
and the MBC hold dear, starting with his precious Tara Smith.
[The grin returns, broader than ever as a giggle escapes her lips. She
grabs the bottle of champagne and holds it aloft.]
HH: To evil!
[Holly winks at the picture before taking another, long drink and then
cackling wildly, the scene thankfully fading to black.]
Pinhead: She certainly is... ambitious.
Tinkle: MEEP!
Slush: You're running low on power.
Pinhead: What was that?
Slush: Nothing. Nothing.
Skullhead: Now keep in mind, our next match is a non-title contest. But
that doesn't mean that Holly Hotbody will hold back on any of her
tricks.
Pinhead: Nor will Tara Smith hold back. She's never held back.
Skullhead: Two distinctive styles here and two strong willed women.
Just about par for the course for the MBC's women's division.
# What you gonna do with all that junk #
# All that junk inside that trunk? #
# I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, #
# Get you love drunk off my hump. #
[That's right. It's _that_ song. "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. And
if the fans weren't booing enough already, they certainly are at the
sight of the woman that the song heralds, namely Holly Hotbody. The
young woman steps from behind the curtains, a grin on her face. She's
clad in a red, sports bra, that barely contains her ample chest, and
matching hot pants. On the back of the hot pants, the words "Caution:
Highly Flammable" are written. She completes the look with red boots,
her auburn hair falling down her back.]
[The vixen proceeds to perform a ghetto-fied bootyshake that draws a
couple of catcalls, mixing with those boos, before walking down the
aisle, completely ignoring the outstretched hands of the fans. She
enters the ring and immediately calls for a microphone, which she is
handed by an attendant.]
HH: I'm sure that most of you think I have a couple of words for the
woman I'm about to face in a few minutes, Tara Smith, and....
[Holly pauses and sneers as the crowd cheers at the mention of the
women's champion.]
HH: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you all just love St. Tara of the Holy
Rattler. But I don't give a damn about her. Tonight, just like every
other night, it's _all_ _about_ _me_.
[Boos.]
HH: Namely, how I was cheated out of my position as the MBC's First
Lady! [she scowls.] I'm sure you all remember the election. An election
that Vengeance and I won fairly, mind you, but that everyone else would
like to sweep under the rug.
[She rolls her eyes.]
HH: Well, regardless of what anyone would like to say, I am still the
MBC's First Lady. Like it or not, I earned that title the hard way and
the only way that I would ever everrrrrrrrrrrrr give it up would be
over my cold, dead body!
[More boos as Holly smirks.]
HH: But enough about my rightful title because there's another issue
that needs discussing, right about now. Tonight, I want to introduce
two special people. In fact, I think my opponent is _quite_ familiar
with both. Every regime needs a cabinet and I'd like to now bring out
mine. Drum roll, please.
[On cue, there's a drum roll and Holly gestures towards the entrance
ramp. All eyes turn to the ramp as the curtains slowly part, revealing
two female figures. The first is tall and willowy, with legs that seem
to go on for days. She has long, black hair and violet eyes. The second
woman is slightly shorter but sleek and curvaceous with an ample chest
that would rival Holly's. She also has long, blonde hair and green
eyes. Both are clad in black, pin-stripped blazers, under which they
wear matching hot pants, and black, spike heels. The duo surveys the
crowd with haughty smirks.]
HH: It is my pleasure to introduce the Secretary of
Accessorizing..."The Goddess" Nina Larue...
[The raven-haired woman steps forward, hands on her hips.]
HH: And the Secretary of Fashion... Tiffany Lane...
[The blonde gives a flip of her hair.]
HH: The Babe Squad!
["My Humps" begins again as the two women sashay to ringside, greeted
by a mix of booing and lusty appreciation from some of the male fans.
Tiffany and Nina make a show of entering the ring and immediately walk
over to Holly, offering each other high-fives. With a grin, Holly again
turns her attention to the ramp.]
HH: Now, Tara, you little has-been, get out here, so I can give you a
proper MBC welcome!
__ _______ _____________________________________________
/ |/ / __ )/ ____/
/ /|_/ / __ / /
/ / / / /_/ / /___ "TORNADO" TARA SMITH vs HOLLY HOTBODY
/_/ /_/_____/\____/
|
|____________________________________________Writer: Andre Dec
[Tara Smith's entrance music starts up and out comes the champion. Her
eyes are deadset on Holly but she is well aware of the newcomers at
ringside. She slides into the ring and quickly hands off her title belt
to the ref. From the moment the bell rings, it's clear that Tara Smith
is not interested in wasting any words with her opponent. A jiggle from
Holly to get the crowd pumping is met by a very solid right cross that
nearly knocks the girl off her feet. Tara does not give Holly a chance
to recover, grabbing Holly's shoulders and driving a series of hard
knees into the off-balance vixen's chest.]
Slush: They call that a kiss from Pele in South America.
Pinhead: Like HELL they do.
Slush: Well they should.. back in my straight days, I could watch those
two soccer balls get juggled all night.
Pinhead: You're not supposed to TOUCH the soccer ball when it's in
play.
Slush: What if I was the goalie? Bastard Youth Soccer, here I come!
Pinhead: (sighs]
[Tara presses the advantage with a fierce blow to the midsection that
doubles Holly over, a palm blow sapping any resistance she has left.
Tara grabs the busty brawler's head and tucks it under her arm, the
crowd going nuts as she pulls Holly over in a DDT that makes the babe
squad at ringside cringe. Tara rolls to her feet, sprinting for the
ropes to hit an asai moonsault, but hits nothing but mat as Holly is
pulled out of the ring by her confederates in arms.]
Slush: Ah, yes, the Greco-Roman roll out of the ring.
[Tiffany and Nina look over their leader as Tara slowly starts to rise
in the ring. Holly turns to face them, giving them both a clap on the
arms as she smiles and catches her breath. That is, until Tara grabs
her by the hair over the top rope and starts to pull her back into the
ring. As Holly finds herself being guided onto the ring apron, she
responds with an age old classic, jabbing her opponent in the eyes.
Holly climbs back into the ring and quickly goes to work on Tara,
locking on a front facelock to pull her away from the ropes. As she
gets her closer to the middle of the ring, Holly fires a knee into
Tara's chest and adjusts for a vertical suplex. Lifting Tara up, she
leaves her feet herself as she falls back, adding weight to the impact.
A reverse somersault into a pin only garners a one count, and Holly
pouts at the referee as she slowly stands up. Bouncing off the ropes as
Tara slowly rises, Holly greets her with a front face slam that sends
her right back down again. The crowd jeers as she takes time to pose
for the cameras and bask in the spotlight.
Holly takes a moment to walk directly across the chest of Tara,
planting her heel in her opponent's breastbone as she walks over her,
drawing loud jeers from the crowd and a reprimand from the referee. As
he argues with her over it, Nina and Tiffany grab the arms of Tara
Smith and pull her toward the ring apron. With her head hanging over
the edge, Nina spins and lands a picture perfect axe kick that pulls
Smith out of the ring. When the referee turns, the two valets are a
safe distance, and Tiffany protests (with subtle cleavage to assist)
that Tara rolled out of the ring for a breather on her own. Before the
referee can argue the point further, Holly grabs the top rope, pulls
back, and slingshots herself over with a somersault legdrop that falls
across Tara's chest, and the women's champion calls out in pain]
Pinhead: It's like a three on one in there and Tara Smith is totally
without friends at ringside.
Slush: And for a three on one like this, you usually need a major
credit card or a bankroll of ones to-
Pinhead: Please. Don't finish that thought. I'm begging you,
just...call the match.
[Tara is rolled into the ring by her opponent and hefted to her feet,
only for Holly to be met by an elbow to the midsection, then another.
Tara attempts to whip Holly to the ropes, but is reversed. She leaps
onto the middle rope, however, and springs back to catch Holly around
the neck with her legs, snapping her over in a hurricanrana! Huge crowd
pop!]
Skullhead: Tara getting her momentum back in a big way!
[Locking on the Code Black on her opponent, Tara not only gets a
breather, but is able to put Holly in a very dangerous position. Nina
LaRue recognizes this and hops up on the apron, but is blocked by the
referee as she tries to duck between the ropes. An argument breaks out,
and Tara breaks the hold to address the situation. Nina and Tara get
into a shouting match, and as Nina pulls back to swing at Tara, the
referee steps between and orders Nina off the apron or to the back
As he does, Nina continues to shout at Tara. Holly slowly rises to her
feet, and falls back on her butt. As she does, she jiggles more than a
little...almost popping out. As she stretches back on the mat "in
agony" the referee's attention is...well, it is a hell of an image in
the ring.]
Slush: A shot from her coming magazine spread!
[Tara rests her hands on her hips and shakes her head as the referee's
attention is divided, unaware that Tiffany has taken the women's title
from the timekeeper's table and stepped into the ring. As Tara turns,
Tiffany charges, slamming the belt into Tara's head and rolling out of
the ring as Holly grabs the referee by the head, pulling him closer to
show a "bruise" on her chest in a...convenient distraction that
prevents him from turning to see Tiffany leave the ring. As Tara hangs
on the top rope, dazed and in far from the most coherent state, Holly
rises and grabs her head, hitting the Hotspot Stunner on the women's
champ and getting the pin for the victory]
RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall, HOLLY HOTBODY
Skullhead: That was a travesty of an ending. These referees look new
but come on, that was one of the easiest tricks in the books.
Pinhead: Hence why it's in Holly's book.
Slush: Where is this book? Are there pictures? I could make a fortune.
Tinkle: MAAP!
Slush: Ever since the TMK went... <a collective sigh is let out by the
males of America>... straight, income on related merchandise has
plummeted.
Pinhead: Fortunately for Tara Smith, this was a non-title affair.
However, the loss still stings.
Skullhead: But not as much as the knowledge that even more of her
enemies have come to the MBC.
Pinhead: She's one of the premier women's wrestlers here, if not in the
entire industry. Having people come after you is to be expected.
Skullhead: True enough, but I doubt if Hotbody and the Bod Squad have
just a title win on their minds.
Slush: I wonder if Holly would let me manage her career. I could be
rich!
Pinhead; I don't think she needs any more leeches.
Tinkle: MOOO!
Pinhead: What the hell is up with Tinkle tonight?
Slush: Ignore him bald one! You cannot comprehend the transcendence of
the Dali Hamster!
Pinhead: Umm... what?
Skullhead: That's all we have for the first action packed hour of the
House of Bastards. We'll be back with more great action. But first
let's go to this segment.
[Fade backstage, specifically to the catered buffet spread provided to
MBC's wrestlers. Going through the buffet line are Trevor "The Hammer"
Hextall and Bob "Bone Breaker" Jablonski of Team Canada.]
Hextall: [scooping up a burrito and putting it on his plate] Ya sure
she's gonna be here?
Jablonski: [scooping several servings of Spanish rice next to his
tacos] Hey, the broad's gotta eat.
Hextall: True, but there's always the chance we've missed her.
[Just then, a woman's voice chimes in.]
V: Or maybe she's right behind you.
[The shot pans off to the right just a bit, where a young woman sits
alone at a table a mere foot away.
"Poison Bliss" Myra Benedict.
Still dressed in her casual clothes, a plate of chicken and potatoes
sits on the table in front of the young woman.]
Hextall: [smiling] There ya are! We were wonderin' if ya were
interested in talkin' about tonight's match.
PBMB: Were you? How thoughtful.
[Smirking fiendishly, she takes a bite of chicken; then gestures to the
other empty chairs around the table.]
PBMB: Then by all means, join me.
PBMB: Were you? How thoughtful.
[Smirking fiendishly, she takes a bite of chicken; then gestures to the
other empty chairs around the table.]
PBMB: Then by all means, join me.
[Trevor and Bob each grab two bottles of beer, put them on their trays
and take seats at Myra's table]
Jablonski: So what's on yer mind?
[Myra chuckles icily.]
PBMB: The pleasure of getting one more shot at the Mockingbird. And
watching as the [motions toward Bob and Trevor] two of you brutalize
her brothers.
Hextall: [Grinning] We're just lookin' forward ta a lot of fun tonight.
Nothin's more fun then goin ta the ring and beatin' the snot outta yer
opponents. Granted, the Sons are are boys, but it ain't like we're
gonna take it easy on them.
Jablonski: Yeah. That'd be an insult. Besides, they ain't gonna take it
easy on us. This is gonna be a fight from start ta finish. [grins] What
could be more fun than that?
[Myra nods, pleased at what she's just heard.]
PBMB: Oh I could come up with a few things. Beating the three of them
is a very good start though. But...
[Her voice darkens.]
PBMB: You don't mind if I have a little... _fun_ with the Mockingbird,
do you?
Hextall: [smiling] Oh, I'm sure she'd be disappointed if ya didn't.
[A slight laugh from Myra.]
PBMB: Sounds about right.
[Suddenly "The Lioness" Kari Stevens walks up to the table. She beams
as she sees Team Canada.]
Kari: There you guys are! I've been looking all over for you. Ready for
the big match?
Hextall: [grinning at Kari] Absolutely! The Grimssons are gonna get a
beatin' they'll never forget!
[Unnoticed by her partners for the night, Myra glares icy daggers up at
the Team Canada manager.]
PBMB: I see the cat had a fun time dragging you back in here, Kari.
[Her voice is just _dripping_ with contempt. Kari gives Myra a
condescending look.]
Kari: Oh, I see my boys found their partner for the evening. Try not to
get in the way too much.
[Myra scowls.]
PBMB: "In the way"?
[A chuckle.]
PBMB: How little you truly know and understand. But no surprise,
really. If only _you'd_ get out of their way, then you would see the
full extent of their potential realized.
[Trevor Hextall looks at Myra]
Hextall: Potential? Hell Bobby and I are both pushin' 35. Besides, Kari
is one of the reasons we're still successful after all these years.
Grapes was a great manager and a great coach, but he was slippin' and
he knew it. That's why he retired and sold our contracts ta Kari.
[Jablonski takes a break from stuffing his face with Mexican food]
Jablonski: What he said.
[Myra turns her gaze from Kari to the Team Canada members.]
PBMB: Successful how, by winning countless championships? [shakes her
head] Belts are worthless, nothing more than mere leather and gold.
[Her voice darkens.]
PBMB: True success... true _potential_, lies in embracing absolute
freedom.
Hextall: Well if this absolute freedom thing works for ya, more power
to ya. We're in this for the money.
Jablonski: And winnin' all those championships makes us a lot of money.
The competition? Sure that's fun and all, but we aren't in this
business just for fun.
PBMB: Tell me this then. What good's the money... when you're dead?
[...]
PBMB: Hmmm?
Jablonski: No good, but it comes in handy when yer alive.
[Myra nods.]
PBMB: I suppose it does. But with absolute freedom...
You don't _need_ money.
[Cue fiendish smirk again.]
PBMB: Need or want something?
_Take_ it.
[Kari looks at both Trevor and Bob's plates]
Kari: Well I see you boys have finished your meals. Good, because it's
time to go and get ready for the match tonight.
Jablonski: Yeah, it's about time.
[Team Canada gets up and follows Kari toward the locker room area.]
Kari: [Whispering] Well she's a bit . . . different.
[Fade to black...]