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Over the Cliff Pay Per View
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H2O
Jan 27, 2013, 8:22:54 PM1/27/13
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(The camera fades into Madison Square Garden. The camera pans through the crowd. The stadium is sold out and the crowd looks excited. Fans are holding signs including “Save me Marvel,” “Occupier occupied my heart,” “The South Will Rise again,” “Prepare to be Eradicated,” and “Revert me Abu.” Fireworks go off as the show officially kicks off.)
Kent Neuman: Welcome to the Over The Cliff Pay Per View
We have an incredible show for you tonight. The Guardians make their return to the site of their Colossal 2008 triumph, a Midnight Massacre Cage match, and the Pay Per View debut of a lot of promising young stars.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The Guardians may have had this place on their feet back in 2010, but that was 3 years ago and they both face tough competition here tonight. History might not repeat itself. And it looks like we're going to get thing started in a hurry. We're getting word that there is some sort of a commotion going on in the backstage area.
Segment 1: The Occupier dishes out some pain
[The camera goes backstage where The Occupier has just found out that the vendors in the back are selling merchandise bearing his likeness. He is wearing a Guy Fawkes mask that obscures his face and makes him look very frightening. The Occupier is holding a T-shirt and is shouting at a Vendor.)
The Occupier: How dare you sell this cr@p made in China with my face on it?
(The vendor looks like he has no idea what to say.)
Vendor: Uh, I dunno man. I'm just trying to make a buck. I've got a family to feed.
The Occupier: Do you know if this stuff was made by slave or child labor? I'll bet you didn't think of those families, did you?
(The Vendor shrugs his shoulders and gulps. He clearly has no idea what to say. He's just terrified of the masked man standing in front of him.)
Vendor: Yes?
(The Occupier's eyes are visible through his mask and he looks very angry. He reaches over the booth and grabs the vendor. He pulls the man over the booth and slams him on the floor. The vendor tries to get back up and The Occupier hits him with a hard clothesline.)
Occupier: Here, let me show you what some free trade, sustainably developed boots look like.
(Occupier kicks the vendor in the face. Occupier picks the Vendor up and hits him with a hard uppercut.)
The Occupier: This is totally unacceptable. The capitalist scum aren't going to make money by taking advantage of my hard work.
(The Occupier climbs into the stand and starts to destroy the merchandise. All of a sudden James Renolds runs onto camera and hits Occupier with a huge spear. Blade grabs an Occupier action figure and slams it into Occupier's head 5 times.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: What a cheap shot by James. He just broke the occupier in half.
Kent Neuman: It looked pretty damn amazing to me.
(Blade picks up a picture of Occupier in a glass frame and slams it down over Occupier's head. James gets to his feet and grabs a T-shirt with Occupier's face on it. He then proceeds to choke Occupier with it.)
Kent Neuman: He's choking the Occupier with his own T-Shirt. If Occupier didn't like that merchandise before I'll bet he hates it even more now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I guess these two just couldn't wait for their match.
Kent Neuman: They've been ready to go all week and things are just boiling over.
(Occupier escapes from the choke by hitting a jaw buster. Occupier pulls James up and hits him with an inverted DDT. Occupier grabs James and irish whips him into a stand selling pretzels across the hallway. Occupier follows James in and hits him with a lariat. Both men tumble over the stand and send pretzels flying. Occupier grabs James and hits him with a big spine buster on the floor. Occupier grabs a pan of burning hot butter and throws it in James's face.)
Kent Neuman: Oh god. Jame's just got burned pretty badly I think some of that burning hot butter just got into his eyes.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The Occupier wins by any means necessary. And if you're blind you're pretty easy to beat. I'll bet the cow that gave the milk for that better was never asked for consent before being milked. Occupier was just trying to make things right.
(Occupier hits Blade with a piedriver onto the floor. Occupier pulls out a chain and uses it to lock James in a cross face chicken wing and has it locked in very tightly. A bunch of of officials run out and are eventually able to pull the two men apart.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Blade is busted open and looks like he might be about to pass out from the pain.
Kent Neuman: Its going to take half of our staff to keep these guys apart until their match.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If Blade is even able to make it to the match. He was in a devastating chicken wing using a chain for a long time there.
Kent Neuman: The stakes here so high tonight that I'm sure Blade will make it to his match even if he has to crawl out lead by a seeing eye dog. No one is going to go down without a fight here tonight.
Match 1
Brad Soapoperman vs. Drama
Kent Neuman: This is a special unannounced bonus match. Because we love our fans. Both of these wrestlers are already in the ring and the action is about to get underway.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I am contractually obligated to tell you that there is a lot of history behind this match. Apparently Drama had an affair with Soapoperman's wife who was actually a clone of Drama's sister. But it turned out that it was all actually an hallucination brought on by some bad mushrooms.
Kent Neuman: Ugh. Can this be over yet?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'm afraid the soap opera mess has only just begun.
(The fans have started to chant “boring” and many of them have even started to turn their backs on the ring.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Yeah, the fans really seem to hate this.
Kent Neuman: Supposedly we were trying to reach out to a new demographic or something.
(The fans have started to throw their garbage into the ring. A chant of “Soap Opera Sh*!” has started up.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This is a disaster.
Kent Neuman: At least they aren't throwing things.
(The fans start to throw their trash into the ring.)
Kent Neuman: It looks like I spoke to soon.
(Metallica's “Seek and Destroy” blasts over the PA and the fans immediately explode into applause. Some fans do chant 'failure,” but those chants are dramatically overwhelmed by chants of “Welcome Back!” The lights in the arena briefly go out and lasers ominously shine on Drama and Brad's chests.)
Kent Neuman: THE GAURADIANS ARE BACK!!!
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Even I'm relieved to see those two at this point.
Kent Neuman: Those two have some great history in this place. They tore the roof off this building back at Collassal-kade 2008.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I know, I was sitting right here next to you calling their match that night.
Kent Neuman: Brad and Drama look like they're about to pass out.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The two scrubs in the ring wouldn't even fare as well as the Evil Geniuses did 5 years ago.
Kent Neuman: One of the most decorated tag teams in wrestling history has just walked and they've made it well known over the years that they don't like this stuff anymore than our fans.
(H2O and Marvel appear at the top of one of the entrances to the crowd seating sections of the arena. They make their way through the crowd as Seek and Destroy continues to blast through the speakers. Chants of “PREPARE TO BE ERADICATED” start to ring out.)
Kent Neuman: Brad and Drama might want to get to running right about now.
(H2O and Marvel get into the ring as the two wrestlers in the ring don't run away.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Too late now.
Brad: Oh come on man. Please just let me leave. I didn't mean to offend you. Please don't hurt me. I'm just out here because this guy slept with . . .
(Brad is drowned out by boos. The boos are actually so loud that Brad can't be heard even over the microphone. He starts to shout but the only thing that can be head are a few random words like “clones.”)
Drama: They told me if I came out they'd let me eat chicken. I'm hungry. So very hungry.
Brad: I'm scared.
Drama: I think I peed.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He thinks he peed? He doesn't know?
Kent Neuman: This is embarrassing.
(Brad charges at H2O and H2O catches him with a right hand. Brad stumbles over toward Marvel who catches him with a right hand of his own. Brad stumbles back toward H2O and H2O nails him with another big punch. Brad is out on his feet.)
Kent Neuman: They're just playing pinball with Brad right now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: So much for that new demographic of ours.
Kent Neuman: Screw them. The Guardians are making a statement. Tonight is about wrestling, not melodrama.
(The Guardians nail Brad with a
TOTAL ERADICATION
([Marvel hits Brad with a high kick from in front and H2O sweeps Brad's legs out from behind.]
Fans: You've still got it!!
Kent Neuman: I think Drama just realized its a good idea to run.
(Drama tries to run from H2O but he isn't careful to look where he's going and he runs right into Marvel. Drama bounces back and Marvel drops him with a hard forearm shot. Marvel lifts Drama up and the Guardians nail him with a suplex into a cutter [3D] known as an
EE DROP
Fans: Thank you Guardians!!!
(H2O grabs a mike.)
H2O: Enough of this bull [bleep]. Not here, not tonight. Tonight I make my return to the wrestling ring and no one is going to have to suffer through soap opera [bleep] like this. TONIGHT I SHOW THE WORLD THAT I AM NOT A FAILURE. Rebel, tonight you're going to get into the ring with the Masked Marvel. The most dangerous big man in the industry. He's going to save you, if you're luck you might even survive the process.
(H2O hands Marvel the microphone.)
Marvel: Abu Khalif, if you're a smart man you've already ran away. I'm a scientist and I know plenty of smart men, you sir are not a smart man. But I can offer you some consolation. No, no, you're not going to be able to eat at the free buffet after the show. You'll be lucky be conscious by next Tuesday. But when you do wake up give me a call and I might be able to help with some of the mental and emotional trauma you suffer in the ring. The good news is that the first minute of your first session is free and every minute thereafter will only cost you a low, low price of $9.99. H2O is actually going to do you a favor by traumatizing you so that you can enjoy mental healthcare at a reasonable rate.
H2O, Marvel, and the Fans: PREPARE TO BE ERADCIATED.
[Marvel grabs Drama and puts him on is shoulders. H2O climbs to the top rope and hits Drama with a LAZER BEAM (inverted bulldog) off Marvel's shoulders.]
Kent Neuman: The Guardians totally dismantled those two. We might have just seen a preview of whats in store for The Rebel and Abu Khalif.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'm sure the Rebel and Abu are going to be much tougher than those two clowns were.
Match 2
Occupier v. James “Blade Tip” Reynolds
In a Two Out of Three Falls Match
Ring Announcer: Coming down the aisle first the Occupier.
[“Killing in the Name” by Rages Against the Machine plays over the PA as the Occupier walks out from the back. He is wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and carrying a chain. The Majority of the fans boo while a vocal minority cheer.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier must be feeling pretty confident right now. He did a real number on Bade Tip in the back a few minutes ago. Blade is burned, half blind, and was nearly knocked out just a few minutes out.
Kent Neuman: I just got a message from the doctors in the back and they say that Blade is going to come out here and fight against their advice.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I can't say I blame him. Once that adrenaline starts flowing it's hard to back down, especially when the entire world is watching.
Ring Announcer: And now coming down the aisle James “Blade Tip” Renolds.
[“Anchors Away” Rock Remix blasts over the PA and Blade Tip walks out of the back. Blade looks unsteady on his feet but he walks out, never taking his eyes off Occupier. His face is clearly burned and he's blinking a lot. The crowd cheers like crazy, encouraging James.]
Kent Neuman: James is showing a lot of courage right here and the fans appreciate it.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He's taking a big risk with his career right now. It might turn out to be a big mistake.
Kent Neuman: That's how big this show is tonight. Everyone is going to do whatever it takes to look good in front of the world. This is the biggest opportunity that many of these guys have ever had.
[As soon as Blade steps through the ropes Occupier hits him with a high knee. Blade goes down and Occupier jumps into the air and drops a knee on Blade's shoulder. Occupier pulls Blade up by the hair takes him down with a snap mare. Occupier follows up with a few quick kicks to the side of Blade's head.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This is great. Blade shouldn't have been out there and Occupier is going to make him pay.
[Occupier scratches the burned part of Blade's face and Blade screams in pain.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier is going for the kill right now. This man is vicious and seemingly have no empathy at all for Blade.
[Occupier lifts Blade up and hits him with a power slam. Occupier pinches a nerve in Blade's neck and holds the move for a few seconds. Blade looks like he is in a lot of pain. Occupier climbs to the middle rope and drops an elbow onto Blade.]
Kent Neuman: It's been all Occupier so sure but you can never count Blade out.
[Occupier scratches Blade's back leaving large red streaks as he goes. Occupier lifts Blade onto the top turnbuckle and goes for a superpex. Blade grabs the top rope blocking the move.]
Kent Neuman: Blade still has something left in the tank.
[Occupier starts to punch Blade to try and get him to drop the rope. Blade fires back with a headbutt, and then a second and then a third.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier looks wobbly on that top rope.
[Blade pushes Occupier off the top rope. But Occupier lands on is feet. He jumps onto the middle rope perpendicular to the turnbuckle and springboards off. He grabs Blade's hair and drives him off the top rope with a huge super-bulldog.]
Kent Neuman: That was a brave attempt by James but he's already taken quite a beating tonight.
[Occupier covers Blade for the
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 ½ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Amazing. I don't know how he managed to kick out of that.
[Occupier puts on hand on top of Blade's head and the other under his chin and then wrenches his neck sideaways.]
Kent Neuman: Blade's neck was hurt pretty badly earlier in the night and now Occupier is exacerbating that injury.
[Occupier hits Blade with a swinging neck breaker.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier keeps working on that neck. This is good strategy by the occupier.
[Occupier wraps Blade in the ropes and goes for his Wall Street finisher. James manages to get out of the ropes just in time and to dodge the move. Occupier runs just past Blade who catches him with a big neck-breaker of his own.]
Kent Neuman: Lets see if Blade can make something of this opportunity.
[Blade waits for Occupier to get up and then explodes out of a three point stance hitting Occupier with a big clothesline that sends Occupier flipping into the air. Occupier gets to his feet and Blade hits him with three big chops. The third chop takes Occupier off his feet. Occupier tries to get up but Blade stops him with a big kick to the head. Blade whips Occupier into the ropes and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Occupier whips Blade into the turnbuckle, climbs onto the middle turnbuckle and hits him with 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 punches in the head.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The fans are lucky he stopped at 9 because I don't know if they knew the next number.
[Blade hits Occupier with a scoop slam. Occupier tries to crawl away from Blade to get a moment to clear his head. Blade cuts him off by grabbing his leg. Blade lifts Occuier's leg into the air and slams it down nee first into the ground. Blade hits occupier with a big straight jacket suplex that sends him flying across the ring.]
Kent Neuman: It's amazing that Blade was able to hit that move after all the damage his neck as taken.
[Blade locks Occupier in an abdominal stretch. He holds the move for about 15 seconds before Occupier manages to grab the rope. Blade grabs Occupier and sets him up for a Death Valley Driver. But occupier manages to slide off his back and roll him up for a pin.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier grabs Blades pants for leverage.
[The ref counts
1!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The first fall goes to the Occupier.
Kent Neuman: He just stole that fall. He was holding Blade's pants, that's totally illegal.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's not cheating if the ref doesn't see it. And Occupier is an expert in making sure the ref doesn't see it.
Kent Neuman: 20,000 fans in the arena were able to see it. Maybe we should hire some more observant refs.
[The wrestlers to their respective corners and the bell rings for fall 2 to begin.]
Kent Neuman: Now this is where things start to get interesting. Remember, in this fall Blade cannot get disqualified.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And Occupier cannot win by pinfall.
[Occupier and Blade lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Occupier gets a quick advantage by poking Blade in the eye.]
Kent Neuman: This round isn't no DQ for Occupier.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I told you, Occupier is a master of getting away with that sort of thing.
Kent Neuman: Occupier is targeting Blade's vulnerabilities.
[Occupier lifts Blade up and drops him throat first on the top rope. Blade bounces off clutching his throat and Occupier clips his knee from behind.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier is showing that he belongs in the big leagues.
[Occupier whips Blade into the ropes and jumps for a drop kick. Blade hooks the top rope and Occupier comes down hard. Blade jump into the air and crashes down fist first into Occupiers face. Blade grabs occupier and throws him over the top rope. Occupier lands on the floor hard.]
Kent Neuman: Things are about to get serious. Blade's taken a beating so far but it looks like he's about to get his revenge.
[Blade rolls under the bottom rope and irish whips Occupier into the steel ring stairs. Blade grabs a folding chair from the crowd. He waits until Occupier gets up and then
~CRACK~
~CRACK~
~CRACK~
nails him with the steal chair three times.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Look at Blade taking shortcuts.
Kent Neuman: That's not a shortcut. That's totally legal in this match.
[Blade lays Occupier on top of the chair and then climbs onto the ring apron. Blade runs across the ring apron and drops a flying elbow onto Occuper who is laying on top fo that chair.]
Kent Neuman: High risk, high reward there for Blade.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Look at that chair. Its totally bent out of shape.
Kent Neuman: Occupier may have internal injuries or a broken rib.
[Blade grabs a camera cord laying on the floor and uses it to start choking Occupier. Blade holds the choke for a few seconds and then grab the actual video camera. Occupier struggles to get to his feet and then Blade nails him with the camera.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Some South American country just lost their video feed because Blade is selfish.
Kent Neuman: He just gave us one hell of a show. Besides, Occupier ruined a whole stand of pretzels before. Marvel might have cried.
[Blade rolls Occupier into the ring and goes for the cover. But he only gets a two count. Blade grabs occupier and locks him in a full nelson. He keeps the hold for a short time and then steps in front of Occupier and drives him into the mat with a modified inverted Russian legsweep.]
Kent Neuman: Blade showing off his technical wrestling skills there.
[Blade whips Occupier into the ropes and takes him down with a diving shoulder. Blade picks occupier up and hits him with a second shoulder tackle. Occupier rolls under the bottom rope and retreats to the outside of the ring.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier needs a time out.
[Blade runs into the ropes and nails Occupier with a baseball side.]
Kent Neuman: He just totally wiped Occupier out right there.
[Blade hits occupier with an atomic drop. Occupier is propelled over the guardrail and into the stands. The fans throws the Occupier back to Blade who hits him with a hard right hand.]
Kent Neuman: It seems the fans don't like the Occupier and more than Blade does.
[Blade sets Occupier up for a belly to back suplex. Occupier counters the move by slamming the back of his head into Blade's face. Blade releases the hold and The Occupier hits him with a drop toe hold that sends Blade's head face first into the guardrail. Blade is busted open.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Smart thinking by the Occupier right there.
[Occupier rolls Blade under the bottom rope. Blade is halfway in the ring and halfway out of the ring. Occupier gets on to the ring apron and drops a leg drop on Blade's neck.]
Kent Neuman: That ring apron has no give whatsoever. Occupier just cut Blade in half.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And he further injured that already injured neck.
[Occupier gets into the ring with Blade and wedges him upside down against the turnbuckle, locking in a tree of woe. Occupier then climbs onto the rope and stands on top of Blade's groin. Occupier uses the top rope to springboard into the air and come straight back down hard.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Wow, that's a vicious move. Blade has to be hurt bad.
[Occupier turns his back to the ref and grabs his chain from ringside.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier has that chain and the ref doesn't see it. This could be bad.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This could be great.
[Occupier wraps the chain around his first and waits for Blade to get back up. Occupier swings at Blade but Blade ducks. Blade kicks Occupier in the stomach and hits him with a front face DDT. Blade grabs Occupier's chain.]
Kent Neuman: Now Blade has that chain.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Why isn't the referee doing something? That's a dangerous weapon.
Kent Neuman: And I'm sure Blade is going to make very dangerous use of it.
[Blade uses the chain to whip Occupier's back. He whips Occupier 5 times.]
Kent Neuman: Look at the size of those welts on Occupier's back.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Someone call Human Rights Watch or Amnesty International. This is an outrage.
[Blade waits for Occupier to get to his feet. He wraps the chain around one hand and then holds to taught in the other. Occupier gets to his feet and Blade charges across the ring using the chain to clothesline Occupier.]
Kent Neuman: I'll bet Occupier regrets trying to us that chain right about now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He might regret ever becoming wrestler right now.
[Blade uses the chain to lock Occupier in a Dragon Sleeper. Occupier taps out almost immediately.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Very smart move by Occupier there. He didn't want to get hurt in that Dragon Sleeper. If he couldn't escape quickly it was very smart for him to quit so that he wouldn't get hurt too badly for fall 3.
[The wrestlers go to their corners for fall 3.]
Kent Neuman: This one is for all the marbles.
[Blade manages to keep his advantage and explodes out out a three point stance hitting Occupier with a lariat. Blade lifts occupier up and hits him with a fisherman suplex in an attempt for a quick pit. The ref counts
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KICK OUT.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier still has a lot left.
[Blade grabs occupier for a Belly to Back Suplex. He drills him with the first suplex but manages to keep his hands locked and rolls through setting up and then hitting a second Belly to Back Suplex. He repeats the move a third time. This time he holds on for a bridge getting a
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 ¾ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Smart for Occupier to take every second he had their to rest up before kicking out.
Kent Neuman: I don't think he could have kicked out earlier. Those were some high impact suplexs.
[Blade hits Occupier with a fireman's carry take down. Blade climbs to the middle rope and dives off with a knee drop but Occupier had managed to get out of the way.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The momentum in this match can change just that quickly.
[Occupier locks Blade in an STF submission hold.]
Kent Neuman: Blade is right in the middle of the ring. He's in a lot of pain here.
[Blade starts to crawl toward the ropes dragging the Occupier him with. Blade gets very close to the ropes.]
Kent Neuman: It looks like Blade might get out of this. He's just a few inches away from the ropes.
[Occupier drags Blade back to the middle of the ring and locks him back in that STF.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Great thinking by Occupier there. The longer he's in this hold the less likely it is that Blade will be able to fight back.
[Blade manages to roll over, neutralizing the hold. Blade and Occupier start to exchange punches until Blade starts to get the upper hand. Blade whips Occupier into the ropes and then hits him with a perfectly aimed heart punch.]
Kent Neuman: That move can easily break a rib.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Or kill a man.
[Blade waits for occupier to get up and then rams his head battering ram style into Occupier's solarplexis. Blade hits Occupier with a T-Bone Suplex. Occupier gets back to his feet quickly but he's clearly out on his feet. He stumbles around as if he doesn't know where he's standing. Blade nails Occupier with a Code Breaker. Blade hooks the leg and goes for a cover
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 1/2 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Kent Neuman: I really thought that Blade had him there.
[Blade whips Occupier into the turnbuckles chest first. Occupier hits the turnbuckles hard. But he bounces off backwards. The back of Occupier's head hits Blade's face stunning him. While Blade is stunned the Occupier removes the top turnbuckle cover, exposing the solid steel buckle underneath.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier is playing possum. He's going to try and trick Blade into that metal buckle.
[Blade gets back to his feet and charges at Occupier. The Occupier moves out of the way at the last second in an attempt to get Blade to hit that buckle. Blade is able to grab the ropes and stop his momentum. Occupier is caught off guard and Blade hits him with a big headbutt. Blade grabs occupier and propels him into the air. The Occupier comes down face first on the exposed steal. The Occupier is knocked unconscious.]
Kent Neuman: Wow, its elementary right now. Occupier is unconscious.
[Blade stands over Occupier and flexes his arm showing off his anchor tattoo. Blade runs into the ropes and comes back at the Occupier. He jumps over Occupier and hits the ropes on the far side. Blade runs back over to Occupier and flex's his muscle for another second before dropping an elbow right into the Occupier's heart. The crowd erupts as Blade hits
The Drop Anchor!!!!
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That certainly is a frenetic move.
Kent Neuman: And it just might be enough to put Occupier away.
[Blade covers Occupier for a
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
AND YOU WINNER: JAMES “BLADE” RENOLDS.
Kent Neuman: What a match.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I”m not sure we've seen the last of these two.
Match 3
Marvel vs. Rebel
In a Last man Standing Match
Ring Announcer: coming down the aisle first
REBEL
(“Sweet Home Alabama plays over the PA and the Rebel walks out from the back. The fans immediately start to boo. Rebel is dragging a monkey on a leash behind him as we walks out.)
Kent Neuman: These fans don't like Rebel one bit.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: What the hell is he doing dragging a monkey down the aisle?
Kent Neuman: Only time will tell of course. But I suspect that he's up to no good.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I think its going to be great.
(Rebel is swinging a confederate flag on a pole as he walks down the aisle.)
Kent Neuman: That flag is offensive to all sorts of people.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He's working the crowd masterfully. He feeds off their hatred.
Kent Neuman: Then he must be getting fat right about now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: You mean like Marvel?
Kent Neuman: Touche.
(Rebel makes it about halfway down the ring and all of a sudden the music changes to “Marching through Georgia.” Rebel is immediately infuriated. He starts to scream “Shut that [bleep] off. Shut that [bleep] off right now.”)
Kent Neuman: Wow. Marvel is playing head games with Rebel, and they're seemingly very effective.
(The fans start to sing along and Rebel screams at them to shut up. This just makes the fans sing louder.)
Kent Neuman: I guess the sound guys didn't listen to Rebel because “Marching Through Georgia” is still playing.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel's in the big leagues now, Marvel plays for keeps. I think Rebel's going to use a lot of this frustration to his advantage when Marvel get out here.
(Rebel tries to keep is composure. He walks down into the ring, but it's hard for him to hide his anger. His fists are clenched and his face is beet red. He ties the monkey up outside of the ring and then climbs into the ring. He swings the Confederate flag a few times and then puts it in the corner and grabs a microphone)
Kent Neuman: Rebel is super ready for Marvel to get out here.
Rebel: SHUT THAT SH*! OFF RIGHT NOW.
(The music finally stops. Rebel is clearly still furious.)
Rebel: Marvel you @$$H0!3. I brought that monkey to the ring with me so that I can humiliate you in front of your family. But after that little stunt you pulled I'm going to kill you in front of your family.
Ring Announcer: And now making his way down the aisle Marvel.
(Pompeii by E.S. Posthumous explodes ove the loud speakers. The fans explode in a huge mixed reaction but there are clearly more cheers than jeers.)
Kent Neuman: H2O and Marvel have always been popular here in NY. They have their detractors of course but fans here in the Garden appreciate wrestling and the Guardians have always stood for wrestling.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: A lot of these fans actually believe in Marvel and his quest to save the Wrestling World. Personally I think he's just as insane as H2O.
Kent Neuman: Gloriously so.
(Despite Marvel's theme playing Marvel doesn't come out.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Whats going on? Did Marvel chicken out? Or maybe he's just embarrassed to get beat in front of a relative.
Kent Neuman: I doubt it. I think he's just playing more mind games.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Pretty smart for a gorilla.
(Rebel is starting too look noticeably impatient in the ring. He starts to scream at the ring announcer and the referee but both of them indicate that they don't know whats going on. The song gets to the part where it gets very quiet and then a voice says “Kill them all.” As soon the speaker says those words Marvel runs out from the back and down to the ring at full speed.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Look at the big man go.
Kent Neuman: Marvel and the Rebel exchanged some harsh words and now, after the mind games, both men look ready to fight.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Did you notice what Marvel is carrying?
Kent Neuman: I did. It's that sledge hammer of his. Its GODZILLA.
(Marvel gets into the ring and swings his sledgehammer right at Rebel's head. Rebel wisely ducks out of the way and rolls under the bottom rope. Marvel swings the sledgehammer over his head a few times and the crowd loves it.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Brains over brawn there. Marvel is putting on a show but Rebel escaped unharmed.
Kent Neuman: Oh I think Marvel showed plenty of brains there, psyching out Rebel.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The bell hasn't even rung yet and already Marvel is swinging that sledgehammer like a madman. Someone has got to stop these Guardians before they kill someone.
Kent Neuman: This is going to be one hell of a fight.
(The bell finally rings and the match is officially underway. Marvel starts to climb over the top rope to follow Rebel out of the ring. As he's climbing over the ropes the Rebel quickly climbs onto the apron and nails him with a flurry of left and right hands. Rebel pulls the top rope up propelling Marvel back into the ring.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel left himself open for just a second there and Rebel took advantage.
(Marvel staggers back into the center of the ring and Rebel follows him in. Rebel runs into the ropes on one side of the ring and hits Marvel with a clothesline. Rebel runs into the ropes on the far side of the ring and his Marvel with another clothesline. Marvel staggers but doesn't go down. Rebel quickly follows up by hitting Marvel with a flurry of forearms and punches.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'll bet Marvel didn't expect this type of offense this quickly. Maybe he's regretting antagonizing Marvel with Sherman's Marching Through Georgia right about now.
(Rebel kicks Marvel in the back of the leg taking him down to one knee. Rebel runs into the ropes and when he comes off he uses Marvel's bent knee as a springboard from which to dive a knee into his face, hitting a Shinning Wizard. Marvel finally falls onto the mat.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And the big man goes down hard.
Kent Neuman: Its all Rebel in the early parts of this match.
(Rebel lifts Marvel and and attempts to hit him with a Russian Leg Sweep. Marvel blocks the move and counters with an Irish whip. As Rebel comes back toward Marvel, Marvel hits him with a spinning sidewalk slam. Rebel gets back to his feet quickly but is caught by a big boot to the face from Marvel.)
Kent Neuman: Once the big man gets some momentum going its hard to slow him down.
(Marvel whips Rebel into the corner and then follows him in with a big jumping splash.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He just took a page out of his stablemates repertoire. That looked a lot like a Tsunami.
Kent Neuman: Only this time there were 100 plus extra pounds coming down on that splash.
(Marvel grabs Rebel as it to do a vertical suplex and then drills him with a brain buster. Marvel locks Rebel in a Cobra Clutch.)
Kent Neuman: He's got that move cinched in really tightly.
(Marvel powers Rebel into the air without letting go of the Cobra clutch. He swings him around and shakes him up a bit before hitting him with a Cobra Clutch Slam.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel is firmly in control right now.
Kent Neuman: A man of his size and athleticism can really do a lot of damage.
(Marvel lefts the Rebel onto his shoulders for a torture rack but then a few seconds later spins him around and hits a sit down power bomb.)
Kent Neuman: That's an Argentinean Powerbomb,
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That hurts like hell, that's what that should be called.
(Rebel gets up and Marvel takes him down with a quick right hand. Rebel gets up again and Marvel drops him with an elbow to the top of the head. Rebel pops up one more time and Marvel takes him down with a big boot to the face.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel is like a big freight train. Once he builds up a little momentum it's impossible to slow him down.
(Marvel goes over continue his assault on the Rebel but Rebel catches him with a violent low blow.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's going to slow you down no matter how big you are.
(Marvel is down on his knees and is clearly on pain. Rebel climbs to the top turnbuckle behind Marvel and jumps off, driving Marvel face first into the mat with a bulldog. Rebel walks over to Marvel and kicks him in the face. Rebel jumps onto the air and lands with both feet on top of Marvel's head. Rebel steps on Marvel's ear.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel's a shark and he smells blood in the water.
(Rebel lays down near the prone Marvel and starts to scream in his face. Rebel takes a bite out of Marvel's masked face and then spits a piece of mask on to the mat.)
Kent Neuman: Ok, that was disgusting.
(Rebel pulls Marvel onto the apron so that Marvel's head and shoulders are hanging outside of the ring. Rebel rolls out of the ring and grabs Marvel's head. Rebel slams Marvel's head into the side of the ring 1-2-3-4-5-6 times.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel knows how to use every part of the ring to his advantage.
(Rebel walks over and grabs the flag pole he brought out with him. He slams the pole into Marvel's prone body 1-2-3-4-5 times.)
Kent Neuman: Wow, the crowd really does not like this. They're booing incessantly.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Its a last man standing match this is all perfectly legal.
(Rebel uses the flag pole to get Marvel into a modified camel clutch. Marvel is clearly in a lot of pain.)
Kent Neuman: You can't win this match by submission.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: But you can use a submission move to hurt a guy so badly that he can't, or doesn't want to get up.
Kent Neuman: Marvel would never quit.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If he's in this hold much longer he won't have any choice.
(Rebel breaks the holds and then starts to stomp on Marvel a few times. After a few seconds Rebel yells at the ref to start counting Marvel down. The ref barely makes it to 4 before Marvel is back to one knee.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's going to take a lot more than that to keep Marvel down.
(Rebel starts to throw lefts and rights at Marvel as Marvel tries to get back to his feet. Marvel responds with a few punches of his own that stagger Rebel.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel does not want to be exchanging punches with Marvel.
(Marvel makes his way back to his feet and his now clearly getting the better of the exchange. Marvel rocks Rebel with a big headbutt. Marvel takes a step back and hits Rebel with a second massive headbutt that takes him off his feet.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel looks like he doesn't know where he is right now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He might think he's having tea with Jefferson Davis.
(Marvel wraps Rebel up on the ropes and then grab the Confederate flagpole.)
Kent Neuman: I don't know what Marvel has planned but I think he has bad intentions.
(Marvel slams the pole into the mat over and over again until it's bent out of shape. Rebel is screaming at Marvel that he's desecrating the flag.)
Kent Neuman: More mind games from Marvel.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And Rebel doesn't like it one bit.
(Marvel rips the flag off the pole and pretends to blow his nose in the flag. Marvel throws the flag into the crowd. The flag is quickly torn to pieces by the fans. Marvel then takes the pole and slams it down on Rebel's head.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel seems to have a little cut over his eyes.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This could get ugly very quickly.
(Marvel grabs Rebel by the throat and lifts him in the air. Marvel holds Rebel up, choking him for a few seconds, before driving him into the mat with a two handed choke-slam. Marvel pulls Rebel to his feet and then lifts him over his head and presses him over his head. Instead of dropping him to the mat Marvel walks over to the ropes.)
Kent Neuman: Amazing power. Marvel's lifting him like he doesn't weigh anything.
(Marvel presses Rebel over his head for good measure and then throws him over the top rope. Rebel crashes down on the concrete floor below. The fans start to chant “The South won't rise!! The South Won't Rise!!”)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Ouch.
Kent Neuman: Yeah, and we don't have any pretty blue mats covering that concrete, this is a wrestling arena not Disney Land.
(Marvel walks on the apron, measures Rebel and then jumps off dropping a leg drop onto Rebel.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Can you imagine all of that weight coming crashing down on you?
Kent Neuman: I'd rather not.
(Marvel walks over to the monkey chained up at ringside and unleashes it. The monkey immediately runs into the crowd and disappears.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Someone call animal control, that thing might have fleas or, you know, ebola.
(Marvel grabs the chain that formerly bound the money and uses it to choke Rebel.)
Kent Neuman: I guess Marvel doesn't appreciate cruelty to animals.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: You mean his family.
(Marvel lifts Rebel up and carries him over to the ring post. Marvel gets Rebel in a bear hug with Rebel's back pressed up against the pole. Marvel has his arms wrapped around Rebel and the Pole and he's able to lean all of his weight on Rebel crushing him against the pole while also squeezing him with the bear hug.)
Kent Neuman: We're seeming some really creative offense from Marvel. There aren't many men in wrestling big enough to perform a move like that.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: How do you prepare for a match with a wrestler like Marvel? There's no way to get ready for a move like this.
(Marvel sits Rebel up against the steel ring stairs and then starts to punch and kick him against the steel stairs. Marvel reaches over into the crowd and grabs a steel chair.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This cannot be good.
(Marvel winds up and nails Rebel with the chair crushing him against the ring stairs. The fans starts to chant “Thank you Marvel!!”)
Kent Neuman: It looks like Rebel really managed to get under the fans skin these last few weeks.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And look at Marvel, he looks thrilled. He clearly missed this.
(Marvel runs to the opposite side of the ring and then charges back at Rebel trying to use his weight to crush Rebel against the stairs. But Rebel manages to slip out of the way at the last second and Marvel hits the stairs hard. The top stairs top over and both men are down.)
Kent Neuman: It looks like a car wreak out there.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well, the Rebel barely managed to get out of the way of a moving train.
(Rebel grabs the chair that Marvel had just hit him with and he uses the rounded part on the top of the chair to choke Marvel. Rebel helps Marvel to his feet and then hits him with a jaw buster using the chair. Rebel puts the folding chair on top of Marvel's ankle and then jumps on it with both feet.)
Kent Neuman: That's very smart strategy there. If Marvel can't stand then he cannot stand to meet a ten count.
(Rebel locks Marvel is a claw hold. He releases the hold after a few moments and kicks Marvel in the kidneys. Rebel grabs a glass beer bottle out of a fans hand. Rebel waits for Marvel to get up and then
Crack
breaks the beer bottle over his head.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel's in real trouble now.
(Rebel notices a fan in the front row screaming for Marvel to get up and keep fighting.)
Kent Neuman: Wait thats not ordinary fan. That's Josh. He was once Marvel's little brother in a strange mentorship program sponsored by the CCW.
{Rebel pie faces Josh, pushing him down to the floor.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel's not going to like that one bit.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's not like he's in a position to do anything about it.
(Rebel tries to piledrive Marvel head first into the concrete floor. Rebel tries to lift Marvel up but Marvel fights his way out and flips Rebel over with an overhead toss .)
Kent Neuman: Rebel just landed hard on that concrete.
(Marvel goes over to Rebel but Rebel kicks the ankle he was just focusing on and Marvel is stunned. Rebel follows up with a quick jaw buster followed by a flurry of quick chops.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel is out of it right now.
(Rebel takes a few steps back and spears Marvel right into the guardrail. Marvel hits the rail hard. Rebel pulls Marvel over to the Yemeni announcers table.)
Kent Neuman: Why do we even have a Yemeni announcers table? Is anyone in Yemen even watching us?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Shut up, that's why.
(Rebel lays Marvel down on top of the Yemeni announce table. He then climbs onto the barrier separating the fans from the ringside area and jumps off diving his elbow into Marvel's chest. The table doesn't break.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I guess we have really sturdy tables.
Kent Neuman: Well yeah, we expect people to do this kind of stuff on top of them.
(Rebel reaches under the ring and grabs a ladder. He climbs to the top of the ladder and jumps into the air, landing with both of his boots on Marvel. This time the two of them do go crashing through the table.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I guess they're not that sturdy.
Kent Neuman: We'll they aren't invulnerable.
The ref starts to count.
1!!!
2!!!
3!!!!
4!!!!
5!!!!!
6!!!!
7!!!
NO MARVEL GETS TO HIS KNEES.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel has taken a lot of damage so far.
(Rebel charges at Marvel, but Marvel manages to catch him and drop him with a spinning side slam. Marvel grabs Rebel and slams him face first into the guardrail. That little cut above Rebel's eye is now bleeding fairly heavily. Marvel grabs Rebel by the hair and drags him over to Josh who slaps him in the face.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Hey no fair, it's two on one.
Kent Neuman: Give me a break. He's just giving that young man a chance to get some payback. Maybe he won't sue us now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If anyone is going to sue us its going to be someone who got Ebola from that monkey Marvel released.
(Marvel and Josh exchange a hi-five. Marvel picks Rebel up as if to do a power slam and then just throws him part of the way up the entrance ramp.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel just threw Rebel like a dart.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And Rebel landed back first on that metal ramp.
(Marvel lifts Rebel into the air and drops him face first onto the guardrail.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel's lucky he didn't lose a tooth there.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Or break his jaw.
(Marvel lets Rebel get to his feet and then rocks him with a European uppercut forcing him further up the ramp. Rebel barely have a chance to catch his breath before Marvel catches him with a lariat depositing him at the top of the ramp. Marvel lifts Rebel up and gets him into position for a Marvel Drop off the ramp onto the floor below.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That would be a 20 foot drop.
Kent Neuman: That would be barbaric.
(Rebel starts to punch Marvel in the face in an attempt to block the move.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel is fighting for dear life.
Kent Neuman: He just might escape.
[All of a sudden Abu Khalif runs out at Marvel.]
Kent Neuman: What the hell is he doing here?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Its a preemptive attack. He knows Marvel would come out here and attack him later so he's just taking the fight to him first.
[Marvel stops Abu in his tracks with a big right hand.]
Kent Neuman: This is awesome. Marvel is holding Rebel with one hand and fighting off Abu with the other.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I have to admit, that's one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
[Rebel goes back to punching Marvel in the face. He manages to poke Marvel in the eye. Abu takes a few steps back and kicks Marvel in the head. Marvel falls off the ramp and takes Rebel with him. Both men fall all the way down to the floor below. They land with an audible thud. Neither man moves at all.]
Fans: HOLY SH*! HOLY SH*! HOLY SH*!
Kent Neuman: They're both dead. After that barbaric match both men fell 20 feet.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: A brilliant move by Abu, evening up the odds for his match later tonight.
Kent Neuman: And proving that he is a very dangerous, and ruthless, man in the process.
[The ref makes his way down to the lower floor and starts to count
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Marvel starts to stir a little bit.]
8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Rebel tries to roll over.]
9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's it, its over.
THIS MATCH IS A DRAW.
Kent Neuman: An amazing match by both men there. We were robbed of an ending by Abu Khalif but that doesn't take anything away from the amazing effort we saw from both of these men.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: EMTs are coming out to check on both men.
Kent Neuman: I'm not sure that either man is going to be able to make it into the back under his own power.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu Khalif has to be considered the guy in the driver's seat right about now.
Match 3: H2O vs. Abu Khalif
Midnight Massacre Cage Match
[A small video plays showing highlights from some past Midnight Massacre cages matches. Many of the clips feature H2O and his then nemesis Scar facing off the the last 90s. Both men look bloody and beaten. Other clips feature the infamous Midnight Masscare match between Avi Ericson and Shane Ambross. The culmination fo that match was Avi Ericson hitting Ambross with a crucifix powerbomb off the ladder on the top of the cage, through the trapdoor and into the ring well over 30 feet below.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That really ominous looking cage has just been dropped around the ringside area. Michael Buffer is getting into the ring.
Kent Neuman: I've seen every Midnight Massacre cage match ever contested and these things never fail to amaze. Don't forget, in order to win this match a wrestler needs to climb up the wall of the cage, climb across the ceiling of the cage, climb through the trap down in the top of the cage, climb into the top of the cage, and then climb the ladder on the top of the cage and grab the Freedom's glory title.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's that easy, huh?
Kent Neuman: It's one of the most difficult tasks imaginable.
Michael Buffer: Ladies and Gentleman. Its time for the Main Event of the evening. First let me introduce to you a man who will make you pray for mercy. A man on a mission to bring glory to Allah and His Prophet Muhammad while “Converting the infidel scum.”
ABU KHALIF
[“Your Fallacy” by Infidel starts to play over the PA. Abu Khalif walks out of the back to massive boos.]
Kent Neuman:The fans are really giving Abu a ton of heat. They remember 9/11 and can't stand Abu.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Thats just because they don't know whats best for them. After Abu destroy's H2O they'll understand the glory of Abu.
[Abu walk down the aisle swinging a star and crescent flag and followed bis his burka clad wife Sultana.]
Kent Neuman: The fans hate Sultana even more than they hate Abu.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: They're just jealous.
Kent Neuman: I can't imagine that anyone is jealous of Abu right now.
Michael Buffer: And now introducing one of the biggest legends in the history of the wrestling world. A man who has been called by many names, The Beating Heart of the CCW; Mr Sunday Morning, and many more. He is a member of both the IWA and the SWA halls of fame. He has won countless titles in countless federations on several different continents over the course of an illustrious two decade long career. He is
H2O
All of a sudden the lights in the arena go out. Blue lasers shine on the Abu from behind the curtain. "Sympathy for the Devil blasts over the PA" The crowd reacts instantly. The reaction is very mixed, half the people are screaming "Fail-ure" or other taunts but the other half seems are chanting things like “not-a-failure” and “prepare to be eradicated.” The big screen on the top of the entrance ramp snaps to life.]
~H2O and Scar falling off the top of a 30 foot steel cage in their epic Midnight Massacare Match~
~H2O slamming Dane onto a hot Bar B Q scorching his back~
"Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
And I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game"
~H2O hitting Kris Klepan over the head with a chair covered in barbed wire~
~H2O piledrivering Mr. Odd onto C4 explosives causing a huge explosion~
[H2O walks out from the back sparking an even louder mixed reaction. H2O is wearing plain blue pants and no shirt. H2O has a look of determination in his eyes. Every move he makes is deliberate and shows his focus. H2O pulls out a bottle of EE Sports Drink. He takes a gulp from the bottle and then tosses it into the crowd. There is a small fight for the bottle and the fan who eventually gets his hands on it celebrates boisterously.]
~H2O bulldoging Jimmy Doolan onto a bed of nails~
~H2O slapping a beaten bloody Anthony Kutler in the face over and over again~
"I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general’s rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queen
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made"
~H2O hitting Chris Page with a clothesline that causes both men to go flying off the top of the big television on top of the enterance ramp and sending them both crashing down onto an assortment of ghastly weapons on the floor below
~H2O hitting Stefan Waters with the Lazer Beam
[H2O takes a few steps off the top of the enterance ramp and then gestures to the crowd. H2O stands still and closes his eyes for a few seconds to soak up the crowds reaction. H2O's eyes suddenly snap open and he stares straight ahead. His eyes burn with a fire seldom seen in any wrestler in this day and age.]
~H2O rams David Throne's head into the ring post~
~H2O grabbing Big Balla by his hair and violently throwing him face first into the side of an EE Vindication cage~
"I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game"
~H2O swinging a wooden stick down across Kris Klepan's throat~
~H2O locking a bloody Ashe Corona in the Zion Kneebar submission hold~
"Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me lucifer
’cause I’m in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste"
~H2O and the Body Guard hitting a 3D on Randal Brock.~
~H2O superplexing Outlaw of a ladder.~
[H2O climbs into the ring. He takes a few steps around the cage, The ref looks at H2O with a look that speaks off both admiration and fear. He seems unsure if he is safe in the ring with H2O who has been known to snap at any second but he also greatly admires the legend standing before him.]
~H2O throwing Jon Talon out of a swinging cage and through a dozen stacked tables~
~H2O driving a car through the entrance of a PtW arena~
"Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, what’s my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what’s my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
What’s me name
Tell me, baby, what’s my name
Tell me, sweetie, what’s my name
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah"
~H2O holding the SWA World Heavywieght Title over his head~
[H2O is barely able to control his emotions. He is so ready to get into the heat of battle that it is obvious in his every step. He is virtually jumping out of his skin.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well now that that's over we can finally get underway.
Kent Neuman: That entrance gives me goosebumps no matter how many times I see it.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well if Abu has his way this might be the last time you get goosebumps.
Kent Neuman: H2O's been coming out here for 20 years, I don't think we're going to seem him pack up and go home anytime soon.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This is a match that changed careers.
Kent Neuman: The officials are welding the door shut.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If we just locked the door someone might be able to break in. So in a Midnight Massacre match the cage door is welded shut, permanently.
Kent Neuman: In cases anyone doesn't get the point, this is serious stuff.
[H2O starts off the match by hitting Abu with an armbar take down, followed by another, followed by a third. Abu gets back to his feet and takes H2O down with a fireman's carry, and then another, and then a third.]
Kent Neuman: We're watching some good technical wrestling here to start the match.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Not exactly what you'd expect from this type of match.
Kent Neuman: Both men are just feeling each other out right now. Neither of these men have ever been in the ring with the other. I think things are going to heat up very soon.
[Abu gets H2O into a reverse chin lock.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu is trying to wear H2O's neck down for that Camel Clutch he calls the Jihad.
[H2O struggles to his feet. H2O and Abu lock up in a collar and elbow tie up and H2O is able to use his size advantage to push Abu down to the floor. Abu gets to his feet and H2O catches him with a European Uppercut. Abu fires back with an uppercut of his own. H2O and Abu start to exchange punches. H2O appears to be getting the advantage until Abu hits H2O with a thrust to the throat.]
Kent Neuman: Smart move there by Abu.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If you can't breathe you can't fight.
[Abu hits H2O with a northern lights suplex. He then runs into the ropes and jumps into the air driving a knee into H2O's side. Abu rolls out of the ring and grabs a stop sign which he lays on the mat. Abu locks H2O in a half crab on top of that stop sign.]
Kent Neuman: That has to be very uncomfortable. Not only is H2O's leg getting pulled out of it's socket, but he's laying on top of a hard sign.
[H2O starts to get to his knees and Abu releases the hold. Both men get to their feet. H2O catches Abu with a flying forearm from out of nowhere. H2O then quickly whips Abu into the corner and follows him in with a huge Tsunami (Splash in the corner.) H2O lets Abu stumble forward from the turnbuckle and hits him with an Undertoe (rolling cutter).H2O waits for Abu to get to his feet and then nais him with a huge spine buster onto the stop sign that Abu used before. Abu is dazed and H2O follows up with a Hydro Driver [running piledriver.] The fans break out into a chant of “YOU'VE STILL GOT IT.”]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu needed a breather so he just rolled out of the ring.
Kent Neuman: If he didn't get out of there H2O was going to kill him. He really needed to break the momentum.
[Abu grabs some foreign object that is laying on the outside of the ring. The ringside area has been filled with weapons for this match. H2O walks through the ropes to press the attack but Abu surprises him. Abu gets a running start, leaps into the air and slams a cheese grater into H2O's face.]
Kent Neuman: That'll slow your momentum down really fast.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: H2O's scratched up pretty badly and we're just getting underway here.
[H2O grabs H2O and hits him with a rocker droper face first onto the cheese grater.]
Kent Neuman: That cheese grater is totally bent out of shape.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And its got more than a little bit of H2O's skin in it.
[Abu picks H2O up and hits him with a drop toe hold that drops him face first into the edge of the ring. Abu grabs a wooden board with some nails hammered into it off the floor. He then lifts H2O up and delay suplex's him so that H2O's back falls onto the nails. H2O spasms in pain. Abu grabs H2O's legs and hits him with a slingshot suplex into the cage.]
Kent Neuman: H2O did not get his hands up at all there. He just went head first right into that steel cage.
[Abu grabs H2O and irish whips him shoulder first into the ringstairs. Abu places H2O's hand on the stairs and then stomps on it.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Maybe H2O took Abu a little bit lightly this week and now he's paying for it right here.
[Abu throws H2O back into the ring and grabs another of the many weapons laying in the cage. This time he grabs a bottle of shampoo. Abu stands over H2O and squeezes out the shampoo into H2O's eyes.]
Kent Neuman: That monster. The bottle says not to get it in your eyes.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Yeah, I'm betting thats not, the “no more tears” variety.
[Abu grabs a chair and sets it up in the center of the ring. Abu pulls H2O up and hits him with a snapemare onto the chair. Abu sits H2O down on the chair and then climbs the top rope. Abu goes out of the ring and grabs a bunch of other chairs. He lays them down just past where H2O is sitting. Abu climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a missile drop kick onto H2O, who is sitting in that chair. H2O flies out of his chair and lands in the pile of other chairs.]
Kent Neuman: The fans are just stunned right now. Abu is looking mighty impressive.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Of course he is, he has god on his side.
Kent Neuman: H2O is laying in the middle of all of those chairs and he
[Abu rolls out of the ring and starts to climb the wall of the cage.]
Kent Neuman: It looks like Abu is going to try to get out of here and to grab that Freedom's Glory title quickly.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And if you think H2O is hurting right now, just imagine what he's going to feel like if he looses that belt.
Kent Neuman: He'll be devastated.
[Abu gets part of the way up the wall of the cage. But by the point H2O has managed to climb to the nearest turnbuckle.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Oh no. H2O is in leaping distance and Abu doesn't know he's there.
Kent Neuman: Its going to take a lot more than that to keep H2O down.
[H2O jumps off and hits Abu from behind with a Hydro Splash [Frog splash]
against the cage. Both men fall to the floor.]
Fans: Holy SH*! HOLY SH*! HOLY SH*!
Kent Neuman: I can't believe that didn't break the cage.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond:It may have broken Abu.
[H2O pulls Abu onto the ring apron, he lifts Abu up as if to do a powerbomb and then runs right into the guardrail. Abu's neck and the back of his head collide with the ringpost. H2O manages to hold onto Abu and then he jumps off the ring apron to the arena floor hitting Abu with a sitdown power bomb onto the concrete.]
Kent Neuman: And that's why H2O is the most dangerous man in this industry.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He's always thinking of new ways to hurt people.
[H2O rolls Abu back into the ring and grabs a table. H2O sets up the table so
that its laying against the turnbuckles in the far corner of the ring. H2O picks up Abu and nails him with a Waterfall [Crucifix Powerbomb] through the table and into the turnbuckles. Abu crumples up in the splinters of the broken tables.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: No one has been in more Midnight Massacre Cage matches than H2O and it shows.
[H2O rolls out of the ring and gets another table with he lays across the top turnbuckle creating a platform. H2O puts Abu on the table/platform he just made and hits him with an Hydrolysis (Superplex.)]
Kent Neuman: H2O can come at you in so many different ways. That's what makes it to hard to prepare for a match with him.
[H2O rolls out of the ring and gets a spool of barbed wire.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Things might get very, very bad for Abu right about now.
[H2O sets Abu up for Hydro Spike onto the barbed wire. Abu manages to reverse the move into an overheard toss. Abu lifts H2O up and hits him with an abdominal stretch slam right onto the barbed wire.]
Kent Neuman: H2O brought that barbed wire in the ring and now I'll bet he's regretting it.
[Abu grabs a chair and takes H2O onto the platform/table that H2O made a few moments ago. Abu hits H2O with a DOUBBLE ATOMIC ARABIAN FACE BUSTER RIGHT ONTO THE BARBED WIRE.]
FANS: THIS IS AWESMOME!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!
Kent Neuman: I think the fans just said all there is to say.
[Abu locks H2O in his Jihad Camel Clutch right on top of that barbed wire. H2O is screaming in pain. Abu really has the hold locked in tight. He's screaming at H2O to “revert.”]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: H2O has to be in unimaginable pain right now.
HSN And he can't even tap out or sumbit.
Kent Neuman:He's not going to tap out, and he sure as hell isn't going to convert to Islam.
[After nearly a minute Abu gets off H2O. He walks over to the cage wall but notices that H2O is starting to get to his feet.]
Kent Neuman: Abu looks frustrated.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: You just can't kill H2O.
[Abu reaches under the ring and finds a board that has explosives attached to it.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu has an evil look on his face. He just might kill H2O.
[Abu rolls back into the ring and throws H2O unto the ring apron. Abu sets H2O up for a powerslam off the ring apron onto the explosives. H2O manages to grab the top rope and pushes Abu onto the ring post. Abu falls to the floor and H2O follows him down. H2O grabs Abu and slams him head first into the steel cage. He then uses the cage to grate Abu's face. Abu is still standing against the cage and H2O takes a few steps back before running into the cage and nailing him with a TSUNAMI into the cage.]
Kent Neuman: We've seen that move before. Our cages here are sturdy, that cage didn't budge at all despite all of that weight crashing into it.
[H2O lifts Abu up as if to do a powerslam but runs him face first into the cage.
H2O doesn't let go off Abu, he takes a few steps back and repeats the move a second, and a third time. H2O tries to set Abu up for a scoop slam onto the explosives but Abu slips out and hits H2O with a drop toe hold into the cage. Abu picks H2O up and hits him with a German Suplex so that the back of H2O's head hits the cage.]
Kent Neuman: This might be the most violent Midnight Massacre cage yet.
[Abu gets to his feet and sets H2O up for a powerbomb. H2O slips out of the power bomb hitting Abu with a front face buster. H2O sets Abu up for a High Tide [over the shoulder back-to-belly piledriver aka Kryptonite Krunch] right into the explosives.
~Kaboom~
The explosives go off]
Kent Neuman: NO [BLEEP]ING WAY.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'm speechless.
Kent Neuman: The crowd is stunned into silence. We need to get some EMTs in there to check on Abu. He just landed head first on thoses explosives.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The cage is welded shut, remember.
Kent Neuman: I can't believe that the government allows these matches to happen.
[H2O starts to climb the cage. Sultana starts to climb the cage on the outside. H2O has taken quite a beating and Sultana gets to the top of the cage way before H2O. H2O makes it to the ceiling of the cage and starts to climb toward the center of the cage were that trap door is located. Sultana gets onto the top of the trapdoor. H2O tries to open the door but Sulatna is sitting on top of it.]
Kent Neuman: H2O is hanging off that cage with one hand and trying to open it with the other. That's pretty hard to do with a woman sitting on top of it.
[Sultana pulls a lock out of the folds of her Burka and locks the trapdoor.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Wow. Sultana and Abu outsmarted H2O. He's trapped in that cage. He has no way out.
[H2O starts to hit the trapdoor as hard as he can with one hand. The door shakes but the lock holds. Sultana climbs down the cage on the outside. Abu has grabbed something from under the ring and is attaching it to the cage. H2O hits the trapdoor over and over again and eventually the lock snaps. The trap door flies open.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's amazing. I didn't think H2O had it in him. But he just broke that lock with one hand while hanging over the ring.
Kent Neuman: All H2O has to do is climb through that trap door and then he basically has this match won.
[Abu reveals that he has hooked a car battery up to the cage.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That battery is huge. It has to be for a hammer, or a tank or something.
[He flips the battery on and electrifies the cage. H2O tries to hold on but he can only manage to do so for a few seconds before falling from the ceiling of the cage into the middle of he ring.]
Fans: THAT WAS SICK!!! THAT WAS SICK!!!
Kent Neuman: Wow. H2O is laying in the middle of the ring and he isn't moving.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well he's been beaten, cut, electrified and dropped off the top of the cage.
[Abu starts to climb the walls of the cage. He makes all the way to the top of the cage. H2O still isn't moving. The fans are starting to chant “fail-ure.” Abu climbs across the ceiling of the cage and through the trapdoor.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: H2O still isn't moving.
Kent Neuman: And when he watches this tape he is not going to be very happy to hear what the fans are calling him.
[All of a sudden a cherry picker drives out from the back with the Masked Marvel in the basket. The entire truck rumbles down the aisle.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: What the heck is Marvel doing out here? Marvel isn't supposed to be out here.
[Marvel is all bandaged up and looks like he doesn't quite know where he is. There is a bandage on his head and he is leaning against the side of the basket.]
Kent Neuman: That Freedom's Glory belt is on the line and there's no way Marvel is going to let H2O down. If he was conscious he'd be out here.
[The camera pans over to Marvel's surrogate little bother Josh who is cheering like crazy. Abu quickly sets up the ladder and tries to scramble up to grab the belt before Marvel gets there.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu is a few feet from winning this match.
Kent Neuman: All he has to do is grab that Freedom's glory title and he will be
the new Freedom's Glory Champion.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And put a dagger in H2O's heart.
[But he doesn't make it in time. Marvel tips over the ladder and Abu falls from the top of the ladder onto the top of the cage.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu was just a few seconds too slow.
[Marvel walks over to Abu and looks like he's about to throw him off the top of the cage. Abu stops his progress and hits Marvel with a flurry of punches.]
Kent Neuman: Abu and Marvel are exchanging blows on the top of the cage.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And somehow H2O has woken up. H2O is crawling over to the cages and starting to climb.
[Abu flips Marvel over with a hurricanrana. Abu grabs the ladder and slams it down onto Marvel. Abu takes a few steps back and hits a leg drop on top of the ladder, on top of Marvel. Abu pulls Marvel up and Marvel hits him with an overhead toss. Marvel lays the ladder on top of Abu.Marvel stands over Abu, jumps into the air and comes crashing down on top of the ladder, driving it into Abu's chest.]
Kent Neuman: This has somehow turned into a handicapped match.
[Sultana has climbed back to the top of the cage and she jumps onto Marvel's back. Marvel spins around to try and dislodge her but Abu nails him with a big low blow.]
Kent Neuman: H2O has made it to the roof of the cage and I don't think that Abu sees him.
[Abu turns around and H2O nails him with an
ALL WASHED UP
(Standing side kick.)]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Out of nowhere. H2O just hit that from out of nowhere.
[Sultana shrieks and charges at H2O. H2O grabs Sultana and he and Marvel nail her with an
EE DROP
(3D)]
Kent Neuman: There are bodies everywhere. Did you see Sultana bounce off that cage?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I can't believe they did that to a woman.
Kent Neuman: Really?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Not really. I've seen them do much worse over the years. But it sounded good in my head.
[H2O picks up the ladder and Marvel climbs half way up the ladder. H2O grabs Abu and the Guardians nail him with a
SPIKE HYDRO DRIVER!!!!!!!!!!
(Double Under-hook Suplex) on the top of the cage.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: My goodness. This is complete and utter carnage.
[Abu and Sultana are laying unconscious on the top of the cage. H2O climbs to the top of the ladder and grabs his Freedom's Glory title.]
Kent Neuman: H2O's done it. He's won and retained his Freedom's Glory title.
Michael Buffer: AND YOUR WINNER AND STILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL FREEDOM'S GLORY CHAMPION
H2O
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: But what a war.
Kent Neuman: Every Midnight Massacre Cage match I've ever seen has been a war and this one didn't disappoint.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's all the time we have for tonight.
Kent Neuman: I hope everyone enjoyed the show.
[H2O lifts the title over his head while still standing on the top of the ladder on the top of the cage. The fans chant “not-a-failure” as the camera fades out.]
Kent Neuman: Welcome to the Over The Cliff Pay Per View
We have an incredible show for you tonight. The Guardians make their return to the site of their Colossal 2008 triumph, a Midnight Massacre Cage match, and the Pay Per View debut of a lot of promising young stars.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The Guardians may have had this place on their feet back in 2010, but that was 3 years ago and they both face tough competition here tonight. History might not repeat itself. And it looks like we're going to get thing started in a hurry. We're getting word that there is some sort of a commotion going on in the backstage area.
Segment 1: The Occupier dishes out some pain
[The camera goes backstage where The Occupier has just found out that the vendors in the back are selling merchandise bearing his likeness. He is wearing a Guy Fawkes mask that obscures his face and makes him look very frightening. The Occupier is holding a T-shirt and is shouting at a Vendor.)
The Occupier: How dare you sell this cr@p made in China with my face on it?
(The vendor looks like he has no idea what to say.)
Vendor: Uh, I dunno man. I'm just trying to make a buck. I've got a family to feed.
The Occupier: Do you know if this stuff was made by slave or child labor? I'll bet you didn't think of those families, did you?
(The Vendor shrugs his shoulders and gulps. He clearly has no idea what to say. He's just terrified of the masked man standing in front of him.)
Vendor: Yes?
(The Occupier's eyes are visible through his mask and he looks very angry. He reaches over the booth and grabs the vendor. He pulls the man over the booth and slams him on the floor. The vendor tries to get back up and The Occupier hits him with a hard clothesline.)
Occupier: Here, let me show you what some free trade, sustainably developed boots look like.
(Occupier kicks the vendor in the face. Occupier picks the Vendor up and hits him with a hard uppercut.)
The Occupier: This is totally unacceptable. The capitalist scum aren't going to make money by taking advantage of my hard work.
(The Occupier climbs into the stand and starts to destroy the merchandise. All of a sudden James Renolds runs onto camera and hits Occupier with a huge spear. Blade grabs an Occupier action figure and slams it into Occupier's head 5 times.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: What a cheap shot by James. He just broke the occupier in half.
Kent Neuman: It looked pretty damn amazing to me.
(Blade picks up a picture of Occupier in a glass frame and slams it down over Occupier's head. James gets to his feet and grabs a T-shirt with Occupier's face on it. He then proceeds to choke Occupier with it.)
Kent Neuman: He's choking the Occupier with his own T-Shirt. If Occupier didn't like that merchandise before I'll bet he hates it even more now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I guess these two just couldn't wait for their match.
Kent Neuman: They've been ready to go all week and things are just boiling over.
(Occupier escapes from the choke by hitting a jaw buster. Occupier pulls James up and hits him with an inverted DDT. Occupier grabs James and irish whips him into a stand selling pretzels across the hallway. Occupier follows James in and hits him with a lariat. Both men tumble over the stand and send pretzels flying. Occupier grabs James and hits him with a big spine buster on the floor. Occupier grabs a pan of burning hot butter and throws it in James's face.)
Kent Neuman: Oh god. Jame's just got burned pretty badly I think some of that burning hot butter just got into his eyes.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The Occupier wins by any means necessary. And if you're blind you're pretty easy to beat. I'll bet the cow that gave the milk for that better was never asked for consent before being milked. Occupier was just trying to make things right.
(Occupier hits Blade with a piedriver onto the floor. Occupier pulls out a chain and uses it to lock James in a cross face chicken wing and has it locked in very tightly. A bunch of of officials run out and are eventually able to pull the two men apart.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Blade is busted open and looks like he might be about to pass out from the pain.
Kent Neuman: Its going to take half of our staff to keep these guys apart until their match.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If Blade is even able to make it to the match. He was in a devastating chicken wing using a chain for a long time there.
Kent Neuman: The stakes here so high tonight that I'm sure Blade will make it to his match even if he has to crawl out lead by a seeing eye dog. No one is going to go down without a fight here tonight.
Match 1
Brad Soapoperman vs. Drama
Kent Neuman: This is a special unannounced bonus match. Because we love our fans. Both of these wrestlers are already in the ring and the action is about to get underway.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I am contractually obligated to tell you that there is a lot of history behind this match. Apparently Drama had an affair with Soapoperman's wife who was actually a clone of Drama's sister. But it turned out that it was all actually an hallucination brought on by some bad mushrooms.
Kent Neuman: Ugh. Can this be over yet?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'm afraid the soap opera mess has only just begun.
(The fans have started to chant “boring” and many of them have even started to turn their backs on the ring.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Yeah, the fans really seem to hate this.
Kent Neuman: Supposedly we were trying to reach out to a new demographic or something.
(The fans have started to throw their garbage into the ring. A chant of “Soap Opera Sh*!” has started up.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This is a disaster.
Kent Neuman: At least they aren't throwing things.
(The fans start to throw their trash into the ring.)
Kent Neuman: It looks like I spoke to soon.
(Metallica's “Seek and Destroy” blasts over the PA and the fans immediately explode into applause. Some fans do chant 'failure,” but those chants are dramatically overwhelmed by chants of “Welcome Back!” The lights in the arena briefly go out and lasers ominously shine on Drama and Brad's chests.)
Kent Neuman: THE GAURADIANS ARE BACK!!!
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Even I'm relieved to see those two at this point.
Kent Neuman: Those two have some great history in this place. They tore the roof off this building back at Collassal-kade 2008.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I know, I was sitting right here next to you calling their match that night.
Kent Neuman: Brad and Drama look like they're about to pass out.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The two scrubs in the ring wouldn't even fare as well as the Evil Geniuses did 5 years ago.
Kent Neuman: One of the most decorated tag teams in wrestling history has just walked and they've made it well known over the years that they don't like this stuff anymore than our fans.
(H2O and Marvel appear at the top of one of the entrances to the crowd seating sections of the arena. They make their way through the crowd as Seek and Destroy continues to blast through the speakers. Chants of “PREPARE TO BE ERADICATED” start to ring out.)
Kent Neuman: Brad and Drama might want to get to running right about now.
(H2O and Marvel get into the ring as the two wrestlers in the ring don't run away.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Too late now.
Brad: Oh come on man. Please just let me leave. I didn't mean to offend you. Please don't hurt me. I'm just out here because this guy slept with . . .
(Brad is drowned out by boos. The boos are actually so loud that Brad can't be heard even over the microphone. He starts to shout but the only thing that can be head are a few random words like “clones.”)
Drama: They told me if I came out they'd let me eat chicken. I'm hungry. So very hungry.
Brad: I'm scared.
Drama: I think I peed.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He thinks he peed? He doesn't know?
Kent Neuman: This is embarrassing.
(Brad charges at H2O and H2O catches him with a right hand. Brad stumbles over toward Marvel who catches him with a right hand of his own. Brad stumbles back toward H2O and H2O nails him with another big punch. Brad is out on his feet.)
Kent Neuman: They're just playing pinball with Brad right now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: So much for that new demographic of ours.
Kent Neuman: Screw them. The Guardians are making a statement. Tonight is about wrestling, not melodrama.
(The Guardians nail Brad with a
TOTAL ERADICATION
([Marvel hits Brad with a high kick from in front and H2O sweeps Brad's legs out from behind.]
Fans: You've still got it!!
Kent Neuman: I think Drama just realized its a good idea to run.
(Drama tries to run from H2O but he isn't careful to look where he's going and he runs right into Marvel. Drama bounces back and Marvel drops him with a hard forearm shot. Marvel lifts Drama up and the Guardians nail him with a suplex into a cutter [3D] known as an
EE DROP
Fans: Thank you Guardians!!!
(H2O grabs a mike.)
H2O: Enough of this bull [bleep]. Not here, not tonight. Tonight I make my return to the wrestling ring and no one is going to have to suffer through soap opera [bleep] like this. TONIGHT I SHOW THE WORLD THAT I AM NOT A FAILURE. Rebel, tonight you're going to get into the ring with the Masked Marvel. The most dangerous big man in the industry. He's going to save you, if you're luck you might even survive the process.
(H2O hands Marvel the microphone.)
Marvel: Abu Khalif, if you're a smart man you've already ran away. I'm a scientist and I know plenty of smart men, you sir are not a smart man. But I can offer you some consolation. No, no, you're not going to be able to eat at the free buffet after the show. You'll be lucky be conscious by next Tuesday. But when you do wake up give me a call and I might be able to help with some of the mental and emotional trauma you suffer in the ring. The good news is that the first minute of your first session is free and every minute thereafter will only cost you a low, low price of $9.99. H2O is actually going to do you a favor by traumatizing you so that you can enjoy mental healthcare at a reasonable rate.
H2O, Marvel, and the Fans: PREPARE TO BE ERADCIATED.
[Marvel grabs Drama and puts him on is shoulders. H2O climbs to the top rope and hits Drama with a LAZER BEAM (inverted bulldog) off Marvel's shoulders.]
Kent Neuman: The Guardians totally dismantled those two. We might have just seen a preview of whats in store for The Rebel and Abu Khalif.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'm sure the Rebel and Abu are going to be much tougher than those two clowns were.
Match 2
Occupier v. James “Blade Tip” Reynolds
In a Two Out of Three Falls Match
Ring Announcer: Coming down the aisle first the Occupier.
[“Killing in the Name” by Rages Against the Machine plays over the PA as the Occupier walks out from the back. He is wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and carrying a chain. The Majority of the fans boo while a vocal minority cheer.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier must be feeling pretty confident right now. He did a real number on Bade Tip in the back a few minutes ago. Blade is burned, half blind, and was nearly knocked out just a few minutes out.
Kent Neuman: I just got a message from the doctors in the back and they say that Blade is going to come out here and fight against their advice.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I can't say I blame him. Once that adrenaline starts flowing it's hard to back down, especially when the entire world is watching.
Ring Announcer: And now coming down the aisle James “Blade Tip” Renolds.
[“Anchors Away” Rock Remix blasts over the PA and Blade Tip walks out of the back. Blade looks unsteady on his feet but he walks out, never taking his eyes off Occupier. His face is clearly burned and he's blinking a lot. The crowd cheers like crazy, encouraging James.]
Kent Neuman: James is showing a lot of courage right here and the fans appreciate it.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He's taking a big risk with his career right now. It might turn out to be a big mistake.
Kent Neuman: That's how big this show is tonight. Everyone is going to do whatever it takes to look good in front of the world. This is the biggest opportunity that many of these guys have ever had.
[As soon as Blade steps through the ropes Occupier hits him with a high knee. Blade goes down and Occupier jumps into the air and drops a knee on Blade's shoulder. Occupier pulls Blade up by the hair takes him down with a snap mare. Occupier follows up with a few quick kicks to the side of Blade's head.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This is great. Blade shouldn't have been out there and Occupier is going to make him pay.
[Occupier scratches the burned part of Blade's face and Blade screams in pain.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier is going for the kill right now. This man is vicious and seemingly have no empathy at all for Blade.
[Occupier lifts Blade up and hits him with a power slam. Occupier pinches a nerve in Blade's neck and holds the move for a few seconds. Blade looks like he is in a lot of pain. Occupier climbs to the middle rope and drops an elbow onto Blade.]
Kent Neuman: It's been all Occupier so sure but you can never count Blade out.
[Occupier scratches Blade's back leaving large red streaks as he goes. Occupier lifts Blade onto the top turnbuckle and goes for a superpex. Blade grabs the top rope blocking the move.]
Kent Neuman: Blade still has something left in the tank.
[Occupier starts to punch Blade to try and get him to drop the rope. Blade fires back with a headbutt, and then a second and then a third.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier looks wobbly on that top rope.
[Blade pushes Occupier off the top rope. But Occupier lands on is feet. He jumps onto the middle rope perpendicular to the turnbuckle and springboards off. He grabs Blade's hair and drives him off the top rope with a huge super-bulldog.]
Kent Neuman: That was a brave attempt by James but he's already taken quite a beating tonight.
[Occupier covers Blade for the
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 ½ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Amazing. I don't know how he managed to kick out of that.
[Occupier puts on hand on top of Blade's head and the other under his chin and then wrenches his neck sideaways.]
Kent Neuman: Blade's neck was hurt pretty badly earlier in the night and now Occupier is exacerbating that injury.
[Occupier hits Blade with a swinging neck breaker.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier keeps working on that neck. This is good strategy by the occupier.
[Occupier wraps Blade in the ropes and goes for his Wall Street finisher. James manages to get out of the ropes just in time and to dodge the move. Occupier runs just past Blade who catches him with a big neck-breaker of his own.]
Kent Neuman: Lets see if Blade can make something of this opportunity.
[Blade waits for Occupier to get up and then explodes out of a three point stance hitting Occupier with a big clothesline that sends Occupier flipping into the air. Occupier gets to his feet and Blade hits him with three big chops. The third chop takes Occupier off his feet. Occupier tries to get up but Blade stops him with a big kick to the head. Blade whips Occupier into the ropes and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Occupier whips Blade into the turnbuckle, climbs onto the middle turnbuckle and hits him with 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 punches in the head.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The fans are lucky he stopped at 9 because I don't know if they knew the next number.
[Blade hits Occupier with a scoop slam. Occupier tries to crawl away from Blade to get a moment to clear his head. Blade cuts him off by grabbing his leg. Blade lifts Occuier's leg into the air and slams it down nee first into the ground. Blade hits occupier with a big straight jacket suplex that sends him flying across the ring.]
Kent Neuman: It's amazing that Blade was able to hit that move after all the damage his neck as taken.
[Blade locks Occupier in an abdominal stretch. He holds the move for about 15 seconds before Occupier manages to grab the rope. Blade grabs Occupier and sets him up for a Death Valley Driver. But occupier manages to slide off his back and roll him up for a pin.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier grabs Blades pants for leverage.
[The ref counts
1!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The first fall goes to the Occupier.
Kent Neuman: He just stole that fall. He was holding Blade's pants, that's totally illegal.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's not cheating if the ref doesn't see it. And Occupier is an expert in making sure the ref doesn't see it.
Kent Neuman: 20,000 fans in the arena were able to see it. Maybe we should hire some more observant refs.
[The wrestlers to their respective corners and the bell rings for fall 2 to begin.]
Kent Neuman: Now this is where things start to get interesting. Remember, in this fall Blade cannot get disqualified.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And Occupier cannot win by pinfall.
[Occupier and Blade lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. Occupier gets a quick advantage by poking Blade in the eye.]
Kent Neuman: This round isn't no DQ for Occupier.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I told you, Occupier is a master of getting away with that sort of thing.
Kent Neuman: Occupier is targeting Blade's vulnerabilities.
[Occupier lifts Blade up and drops him throat first on the top rope. Blade bounces off clutching his throat and Occupier clips his knee from behind.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier is showing that he belongs in the big leagues.
[Occupier whips Blade into the ropes and jumps for a drop kick. Blade hooks the top rope and Occupier comes down hard. Blade jump into the air and crashes down fist first into Occupiers face. Blade grabs occupier and throws him over the top rope. Occupier lands on the floor hard.]
Kent Neuman: Things are about to get serious. Blade's taken a beating so far but it looks like he's about to get his revenge.
[Blade rolls under the bottom rope and irish whips Occupier into the steel ring stairs. Blade grabs a folding chair from the crowd. He waits until Occupier gets up and then
~CRACK~
~CRACK~
~CRACK~
nails him with the steal chair three times.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Look at Blade taking shortcuts.
Kent Neuman: That's not a shortcut. That's totally legal in this match.
[Blade lays Occupier on top of the chair and then climbs onto the ring apron. Blade runs across the ring apron and drops a flying elbow onto Occuper who is laying on top fo that chair.]
Kent Neuman: High risk, high reward there for Blade.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Look at that chair. Its totally bent out of shape.
Kent Neuman: Occupier may have internal injuries or a broken rib.
[Blade grabs a camera cord laying on the floor and uses it to start choking Occupier. Blade holds the choke for a few seconds and then grab the actual video camera. Occupier struggles to get to his feet and then Blade nails him with the camera.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Some South American country just lost their video feed because Blade is selfish.
Kent Neuman: He just gave us one hell of a show. Besides, Occupier ruined a whole stand of pretzels before. Marvel might have cried.
[Blade rolls Occupier into the ring and goes for the cover. But he only gets a two count. Blade grabs occupier and locks him in a full nelson. He keeps the hold for a short time and then steps in front of Occupier and drives him into the mat with a modified inverted Russian legsweep.]
Kent Neuman: Blade showing off his technical wrestling skills there.
[Blade whips Occupier into the ropes and takes him down with a diving shoulder. Blade picks occupier up and hits him with a second shoulder tackle. Occupier rolls under the bottom rope and retreats to the outside of the ring.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier needs a time out.
[Blade runs into the ropes and nails Occupier with a baseball side.]
Kent Neuman: He just totally wiped Occupier out right there.
[Blade hits occupier with an atomic drop. Occupier is propelled over the guardrail and into the stands. The fans throws the Occupier back to Blade who hits him with a hard right hand.]
Kent Neuman: It seems the fans don't like the Occupier and more than Blade does.
[Blade sets Occupier up for a belly to back suplex. Occupier counters the move by slamming the back of his head into Blade's face. Blade releases the hold and The Occupier hits him with a drop toe hold that sends Blade's head face first into the guardrail. Blade is busted open.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Smart thinking by the Occupier right there.
[Occupier rolls Blade under the bottom rope. Blade is halfway in the ring and halfway out of the ring. Occupier gets on to the ring apron and drops a leg drop on Blade's neck.]
Kent Neuman: That ring apron has no give whatsoever. Occupier just cut Blade in half.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And he further injured that already injured neck.
[Occupier gets into the ring with Blade and wedges him upside down against the turnbuckle, locking in a tree of woe. Occupier then climbs onto the rope and stands on top of Blade's groin. Occupier uses the top rope to springboard into the air and come straight back down hard.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Wow, that's a vicious move. Blade has to be hurt bad.
[Occupier turns his back to the ref and grabs his chain from ringside.]
Kent Neuman: Occupier has that chain and the ref doesn't see it. This could be bad.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This could be great.
[Occupier wraps the chain around his first and waits for Blade to get back up. Occupier swings at Blade but Blade ducks. Blade kicks Occupier in the stomach and hits him with a front face DDT. Blade grabs Occupier's chain.]
Kent Neuman: Now Blade has that chain.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Why isn't the referee doing something? That's a dangerous weapon.
Kent Neuman: And I'm sure Blade is going to make very dangerous use of it.
[Blade uses the chain to whip Occupier's back. He whips Occupier 5 times.]
Kent Neuman: Look at the size of those welts on Occupier's back.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Someone call Human Rights Watch or Amnesty International. This is an outrage.
[Blade waits for Occupier to get to his feet. He wraps the chain around one hand and then holds to taught in the other. Occupier gets to his feet and Blade charges across the ring using the chain to clothesline Occupier.]
Kent Neuman: I'll bet Occupier regrets trying to us that chain right about now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He might regret ever becoming wrestler right now.
[Blade uses the chain to lock Occupier in a Dragon Sleeper. Occupier taps out almost immediately.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Very smart move by Occupier there. He didn't want to get hurt in that Dragon Sleeper. If he couldn't escape quickly it was very smart for him to quit so that he wouldn't get hurt too badly for fall 3.
[The wrestlers go to their corners for fall 3.]
Kent Neuman: This one is for all the marbles.
[Blade manages to keep his advantage and explodes out out a three point stance hitting Occupier with a lariat. Blade lifts occupier up and hits him with a fisherman suplex in an attempt for a quick pit. The ref counts
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KICK OUT.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier still has a lot left.
[Blade grabs occupier for a Belly to Back Suplex. He drills him with the first suplex but manages to keep his hands locked and rolls through setting up and then hitting a second Belly to Back Suplex. He repeats the move a third time. This time he holds on for a bridge getting a
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 ¾ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Smart for Occupier to take every second he had their to rest up before kicking out.
Kent Neuman: I don't think he could have kicked out earlier. Those were some high impact suplexs.
[Blade hits Occupier with a fireman's carry take down. Blade climbs to the middle rope and dives off with a knee drop but Occupier had managed to get out of the way.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The momentum in this match can change just that quickly.
[Occupier locks Blade in an STF submission hold.]
Kent Neuman: Blade is right in the middle of the ring. He's in a lot of pain here.
[Blade starts to crawl toward the ropes dragging the Occupier him with. Blade gets very close to the ropes.]
Kent Neuman: It looks like Blade might get out of this. He's just a few inches away from the ropes.
[Occupier drags Blade back to the middle of the ring and locks him back in that STF.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Great thinking by Occupier there. The longer he's in this hold the less likely it is that Blade will be able to fight back.
[Blade manages to roll over, neutralizing the hold. Blade and Occupier start to exchange punches until Blade starts to get the upper hand. Blade whips Occupier into the ropes and then hits him with a perfectly aimed heart punch.]
Kent Neuman: That move can easily break a rib.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Or kill a man.
[Blade waits for occupier to get up and then rams his head battering ram style into Occupier's solarplexis. Blade hits Occupier with a T-Bone Suplex. Occupier gets back to his feet quickly but he's clearly out on his feet. He stumbles around as if he doesn't know where he's standing. Blade nails Occupier with a Code Breaker. Blade hooks the leg and goes for a cover
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 1/2 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Kent Neuman: I really thought that Blade had him there.
[Blade whips Occupier into the turnbuckles chest first. Occupier hits the turnbuckles hard. But he bounces off backwards. The back of Occupier's head hits Blade's face stunning him. While Blade is stunned the Occupier removes the top turnbuckle cover, exposing the solid steel buckle underneath.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Occupier is playing possum. He's going to try and trick Blade into that metal buckle.
[Blade gets back to his feet and charges at Occupier. The Occupier moves out of the way at the last second in an attempt to get Blade to hit that buckle. Blade is able to grab the ropes and stop his momentum. Occupier is caught off guard and Blade hits him with a big headbutt. Blade grabs occupier and propels him into the air. The Occupier comes down face first on the exposed steal. The Occupier is knocked unconscious.]
Kent Neuman: Wow, its elementary right now. Occupier is unconscious.
[Blade stands over Occupier and flexes his arm showing off his anchor tattoo. Blade runs into the ropes and comes back at the Occupier. He jumps over Occupier and hits the ropes on the far side. Blade runs back over to Occupier and flex's his muscle for another second before dropping an elbow right into the Occupier's heart. The crowd erupts as Blade hits
The Drop Anchor!!!!
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That certainly is a frenetic move.
Kent Neuman: And it just might be enough to put Occupier away.
[Blade covers Occupier for a
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
AND YOU WINNER: JAMES “BLADE” RENOLDS.
Kent Neuman: What a match.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I”m not sure we've seen the last of these two.
Match 3
Marvel vs. Rebel
In a Last man Standing Match
Ring Announcer: coming down the aisle first
REBEL
(“Sweet Home Alabama plays over the PA and the Rebel walks out from the back. The fans immediately start to boo. Rebel is dragging a monkey on a leash behind him as we walks out.)
Kent Neuman: These fans don't like Rebel one bit.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: What the hell is he doing dragging a monkey down the aisle?
Kent Neuman: Only time will tell of course. But I suspect that he's up to no good.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I think its going to be great.
(Rebel is swinging a confederate flag on a pole as he walks down the aisle.)
Kent Neuman: That flag is offensive to all sorts of people.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He's working the crowd masterfully. He feeds off their hatred.
Kent Neuman: Then he must be getting fat right about now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: You mean like Marvel?
Kent Neuman: Touche.
(Rebel makes it about halfway down the ring and all of a sudden the music changes to “Marching through Georgia.” Rebel is immediately infuriated. He starts to scream “Shut that [bleep] off. Shut that [bleep] off right now.”)
Kent Neuman: Wow. Marvel is playing head games with Rebel, and they're seemingly very effective.
(The fans start to sing along and Rebel screams at them to shut up. This just makes the fans sing louder.)
Kent Neuman: I guess the sound guys didn't listen to Rebel because “Marching Through Georgia” is still playing.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel's in the big leagues now, Marvel plays for keeps. I think Rebel's going to use a lot of this frustration to his advantage when Marvel get out here.
(Rebel tries to keep is composure. He walks down into the ring, but it's hard for him to hide his anger. His fists are clenched and his face is beet red. He ties the monkey up outside of the ring and then climbs into the ring. He swings the Confederate flag a few times and then puts it in the corner and grabs a microphone)
Kent Neuman: Rebel is super ready for Marvel to get out here.
Rebel: SHUT THAT SH*! OFF RIGHT NOW.
(The music finally stops. Rebel is clearly still furious.)
Rebel: Marvel you @$$H0!3. I brought that monkey to the ring with me so that I can humiliate you in front of your family. But after that little stunt you pulled I'm going to kill you in front of your family.
Ring Announcer: And now making his way down the aisle Marvel.
(Pompeii by E.S. Posthumous explodes ove the loud speakers. The fans explode in a huge mixed reaction but there are clearly more cheers than jeers.)
Kent Neuman: H2O and Marvel have always been popular here in NY. They have their detractors of course but fans here in the Garden appreciate wrestling and the Guardians have always stood for wrestling.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: A lot of these fans actually believe in Marvel and his quest to save the Wrestling World. Personally I think he's just as insane as H2O.
Kent Neuman: Gloriously so.
(Despite Marvel's theme playing Marvel doesn't come out.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Whats going on? Did Marvel chicken out? Or maybe he's just embarrassed to get beat in front of a relative.
Kent Neuman: I doubt it. I think he's just playing more mind games.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Pretty smart for a gorilla.
(Rebel is starting too look noticeably impatient in the ring. He starts to scream at the ring announcer and the referee but both of them indicate that they don't know whats going on. The song gets to the part where it gets very quiet and then a voice says “Kill them all.” As soon the speaker says those words Marvel runs out from the back and down to the ring at full speed.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Look at the big man go.
Kent Neuman: Marvel and the Rebel exchanged some harsh words and now, after the mind games, both men look ready to fight.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Did you notice what Marvel is carrying?
Kent Neuman: I did. It's that sledge hammer of his. Its GODZILLA.
(Marvel gets into the ring and swings his sledgehammer right at Rebel's head. Rebel wisely ducks out of the way and rolls under the bottom rope. Marvel swings the sledgehammer over his head a few times and the crowd loves it.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Brains over brawn there. Marvel is putting on a show but Rebel escaped unharmed.
Kent Neuman: Oh I think Marvel showed plenty of brains there, psyching out Rebel.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The bell hasn't even rung yet and already Marvel is swinging that sledgehammer like a madman. Someone has got to stop these Guardians before they kill someone.
Kent Neuman: This is going to be one hell of a fight.
(The bell finally rings and the match is officially underway. Marvel starts to climb over the top rope to follow Rebel out of the ring. As he's climbing over the ropes the Rebel quickly climbs onto the apron and nails him with a flurry of left and right hands. Rebel pulls the top rope up propelling Marvel back into the ring.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel left himself open for just a second there and Rebel took advantage.
(Marvel staggers back into the center of the ring and Rebel follows him in. Rebel runs into the ropes on one side of the ring and hits Marvel with a clothesline. Rebel runs into the ropes on the far side of the ring and his Marvel with another clothesline. Marvel staggers but doesn't go down. Rebel quickly follows up by hitting Marvel with a flurry of forearms and punches.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'll bet Marvel didn't expect this type of offense this quickly. Maybe he's regretting antagonizing Marvel with Sherman's Marching Through Georgia right about now.
(Rebel kicks Marvel in the back of the leg taking him down to one knee. Rebel runs into the ropes and when he comes off he uses Marvel's bent knee as a springboard from which to dive a knee into his face, hitting a Shinning Wizard. Marvel finally falls onto the mat.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And the big man goes down hard.
Kent Neuman: Its all Rebel in the early parts of this match.
(Rebel lifts Marvel and and attempts to hit him with a Russian Leg Sweep. Marvel blocks the move and counters with an Irish whip. As Rebel comes back toward Marvel, Marvel hits him with a spinning sidewalk slam. Rebel gets back to his feet quickly but is caught by a big boot to the face from Marvel.)
Kent Neuman: Once the big man gets some momentum going its hard to slow him down.
(Marvel whips Rebel into the corner and then follows him in with a big jumping splash.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He just took a page out of his stablemates repertoire. That looked a lot like a Tsunami.
Kent Neuman: Only this time there were 100 plus extra pounds coming down on that splash.
(Marvel grabs Rebel as it to do a vertical suplex and then drills him with a brain buster. Marvel locks Rebel in a Cobra Clutch.)
Kent Neuman: He's got that move cinched in really tightly.
(Marvel powers Rebel into the air without letting go of the Cobra clutch. He swings him around and shakes him up a bit before hitting him with a Cobra Clutch Slam.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel is firmly in control right now.
Kent Neuman: A man of his size and athleticism can really do a lot of damage.
(Marvel lefts the Rebel onto his shoulders for a torture rack but then a few seconds later spins him around and hits a sit down power bomb.)
Kent Neuman: That's an Argentinean Powerbomb,
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That hurts like hell, that's what that should be called.
(Rebel gets up and Marvel takes him down with a quick right hand. Rebel gets up again and Marvel drops him with an elbow to the top of the head. Rebel pops up one more time and Marvel takes him down with a big boot to the face.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel is like a big freight train. Once he builds up a little momentum it's impossible to slow him down.
(Marvel goes over continue his assault on the Rebel but Rebel catches him with a violent low blow.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's going to slow you down no matter how big you are.
(Marvel is down on his knees and is clearly on pain. Rebel climbs to the top turnbuckle behind Marvel and jumps off, driving Marvel face first into the mat with a bulldog. Rebel walks over to Marvel and kicks him in the face. Rebel jumps onto the air and lands with both feet on top of Marvel's head. Rebel steps on Marvel's ear.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel's a shark and he smells blood in the water.
(Rebel lays down near the prone Marvel and starts to scream in his face. Rebel takes a bite out of Marvel's masked face and then spits a piece of mask on to the mat.)
Kent Neuman: Ok, that was disgusting.
(Rebel pulls Marvel onto the apron so that Marvel's head and shoulders are hanging outside of the ring. Rebel rolls out of the ring and grabs Marvel's head. Rebel slams Marvel's head into the side of the ring 1-2-3-4-5-6 times.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel knows how to use every part of the ring to his advantage.
(Rebel walks over and grabs the flag pole he brought out with him. He slams the pole into Marvel's prone body 1-2-3-4-5 times.)
Kent Neuman: Wow, the crowd really does not like this. They're booing incessantly.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Its a last man standing match this is all perfectly legal.
(Rebel uses the flag pole to get Marvel into a modified camel clutch. Marvel is clearly in a lot of pain.)
Kent Neuman: You can't win this match by submission.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: But you can use a submission move to hurt a guy so badly that he can't, or doesn't want to get up.
Kent Neuman: Marvel would never quit.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If he's in this hold much longer he won't have any choice.
(Rebel breaks the holds and then starts to stomp on Marvel a few times. After a few seconds Rebel yells at the ref to start counting Marvel down. The ref barely makes it to 4 before Marvel is back to one knee.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's going to take a lot more than that to keep Marvel down.
(Rebel starts to throw lefts and rights at Marvel as Marvel tries to get back to his feet. Marvel responds with a few punches of his own that stagger Rebel.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel does not want to be exchanging punches with Marvel.
(Marvel makes his way back to his feet and his now clearly getting the better of the exchange. Marvel rocks Rebel with a big headbutt. Marvel takes a step back and hits Rebel with a second massive headbutt that takes him off his feet.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel looks like he doesn't know where he is right now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He might think he's having tea with Jefferson Davis.
(Marvel wraps Rebel up on the ropes and then grab the Confederate flagpole.)
Kent Neuman: I don't know what Marvel has planned but I think he has bad intentions.
(Marvel slams the pole into the mat over and over again until it's bent out of shape. Rebel is screaming at Marvel that he's desecrating the flag.)
Kent Neuman: More mind games from Marvel.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And Rebel doesn't like it one bit.
(Marvel rips the flag off the pole and pretends to blow his nose in the flag. Marvel throws the flag into the crowd. The flag is quickly torn to pieces by the fans. Marvel then takes the pole and slams it down on Rebel's head.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel seems to have a little cut over his eyes.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This could get ugly very quickly.
(Marvel grabs Rebel by the throat and lifts him in the air. Marvel holds Rebel up, choking him for a few seconds, before driving him into the mat with a two handed choke-slam. Marvel pulls Rebel to his feet and then lifts him over his head and presses him over his head. Instead of dropping him to the mat Marvel walks over to the ropes.)
Kent Neuman: Amazing power. Marvel's lifting him like he doesn't weigh anything.
(Marvel presses Rebel over his head for good measure and then throws him over the top rope. Rebel crashes down on the concrete floor below. The fans start to chant “The South won't rise!! The South Won't Rise!!”)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Ouch.
Kent Neuman: Yeah, and we don't have any pretty blue mats covering that concrete, this is a wrestling arena not Disney Land.
(Marvel walks on the apron, measures Rebel and then jumps off dropping a leg drop onto Rebel.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Can you imagine all of that weight coming crashing down on you?
Kent Neuman: I'd rather not.
(Marvel walks over to the monkey chained up at ringside and unleashes it. The monkey immediately runs into the crowd and disappears.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Someone call animal control, that thing might have fleas or, you know, ebola.
(Marvel grabs the chain that formerly bound the money and uses it to choke Rebel.)
Kent Neuman: I guess Marvel doesn't appreciate cruelty to animals.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: You mean his family.
(Marvel lifts Rebel up and carries him over to the ring post. Marvel gets Rebel in a bear hug with Rebel's back pressed up against the pole. Marvel has his arms wrapped around Rebel and the Pole and he's able to lean all of his weight on Rebel crushing him against the pole while also squeezing him with the bear hug.)
Kent Neuman: We're seeming some really creative offense from Marvel. There aren't many men in wrestling big enough to perform a move like that.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: How do you prepare for a match with a wrestler like Marvel? There's no way to get ready for a move like this.
(Marvel sits Rebel up against the steel ring stairs and then starts to punch and kick him against the steel stairs. Marvel reaches over into the crowd and grabs a steel chair.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This cannot be good.
(Marvel winds up and nails Rebel with the chair crushing him against the ring stairs. The fans starts to chant “Thank you Marvel!!”)
Kent Neuman: It looks like Rebel really managed to get under the fans skin these last few weeks.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And look at Marvel, he looks thrilled. He clearly missed this.
(Marvel runs to the opposite side of the ring and then charges back at Rebel trying to use his weight to crush Rebel against the stairs. But Rebel manages to slip out of the way at the last second and Marvel hits the stairs hard. The top stairs top over and both men are down.)
Kent Neuman: It looks like a car wreak out there.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well, the Rebel barely managed to get out of the way of a moving train.
(Rebel grabs the chair that Marvel had just hit him with and he uses the rounded part on the top of the chair to choke Marvel. Rebel helps Marvel to his feet and then hits him with a jaw buster using the chair. Rebel puts the folding chair on top of Marvel's ankle and then jumps on it with both feet.)
Kent Neuman: That's very smart strategy there. If Marvel can't stand then he cannot stand to meet a ten count.
(Rebel locks Marvel is a claw hold. He releases the hold after a few moments and kicks Marvel in the kidneys. Rebel grabs a glass beer bottle out of a fans hand. Rebel waits for Marvel to get up and then
Crack
breaks the beer bottle over his head.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel's in real trouble now.
(Rebel notices a fan in the front row screaming for Marvel to get up and keep fighting.)
Kent Neuman: Wait thats not ordinary fan. That's Josh. He was once Marvel's little brother in a strange mentorship program sponsored by the CCW.
{Rebel pie faces Josh, pushing him down to the floor.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel's not going to like that one bit.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's not like he's in a position to do anything about it.
(Rebel tries to piledrive Marvel head first into the concrete floor. Rebel tries to lift Marvel up but Marvel fights his way out and flips Rebel over with an overhead toss .)
Kent Neuman: Rebel just landed hard on that concrete.
(Marvel goes over to Rebel but Rebel kicks the ankle he was just focusing on and Marvel is stunned. Rebel follows up with a quick jaw buster followed by a flurry of quick chops.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Marvel is out of it right now.
(Rebel takes a few steps back and spears Marvel right into the guardrail. Marvel hits the rail hard. Rebel pulls Marvel over to the Yemeni announcers table.)
Kent Neuman: Why do we even have a Yemeni announcers table? Is anyone in Yemen even watching us?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Shut up, that's why.
(Rebel lays Marvel down on top of the Yemeni announce table. He then climbs onto the barrier separating the fans from the ringside area and jumps off diving his elbow into Marvel's chest. The table doesn't break.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I guess we have really sturdy tables.
Kent Neuman: Well yeah, we expect people to do this kind of stuff on top of them.
(Rebel reaches under the ring and grabs a ladder. He climbs to the top of the ladder and jumps into the air, landing with both of his boots on Marvel. This time the two of them do go crashing through the table.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I guess they're not that sturdy.
Kent Neuman: We'll they aren't invulnerable.
The ref starts to count.
1!!!
2!!!
3!!!!
4!!!!
5!!!!!
6!!!!
7!!!
NO MARVEL GETS TO HIS KNEES.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel has taken a lot of damage so far.
(Rebel charges at Marvel, but Marvel manages to catch him and drop him with a spinning side slam. Marvel grabs Rebel and slams him face first into the guardrail. That little cut above Rebel's eye is now bleeding fairly heavily. Marvel grabs Rebel by the hair and drags him over to Josh who slaps him in the face.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Hey no fair, it's two on one.
Kent Neuman: Give me a break. He's just giving that young man a chance to get some payback. Maybe he won't sue us now.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If anyone is going to sue us its going to be someone who got Ebola from that monkey Marvel released.
(Marvel and Josh exchange a hi-five. Marvel picks Rebel up as if to do a power slam and then just throws him part of the way up the entrance ramp.)
Kent Neuman: Marvel just threw Rebel like a dart.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And Rebel landed back first on that metal ramp.
(Marvel lifts Rebel into the air and drops him face first onto the guardrail.)
Kent Neuman: Rebel's lucky he didn't lose a tooth there.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Or break his jaw.
(Marvel lets Rebel get to his feet and then rocks him with a European uppercut forcing him further up the ramp. Rebel barely have a chance to catch his breath before Marvel catches him with a lariat depositing him at the top of the ramp. Marvel lifts Rebel up and gets him into position for a Marvel Drop off the ramp onto the floor below.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That would be a 20 foot drop.
Kent Neuman: That would be barbaric.
(Rebel starts to punch Marvel in the face in an attempt to block the move.)
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Rebel is fighting for dear life.
Kent Neuman: He just might escape.
[All of a sudden Abu Khalif runs out at Marvel.]
Kent Neuman: What the hell is he doing here?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Its a preemptive attack. He knows Marvel would come out here and attack him later so he's just taking the fight to him first.
[Marvel stops Abu in his tracks with a big right hand.]
Kent Neuman: This is awesome. Marvel is holding Rebel with one hand and fighting off Abu with the other.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I have to admit, that's one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
[Rebel goes back to punching Marvel in the face. He manages to poke Marvel in the eye. Abu takes a few steps back and kicks Marvel in the head. Marvel falls off the ramp and takes Rebel with him. Both men fall all the way down to the floor below. They land with an audible thud. Neither man moves at all.]
Fans: HOLY SH*! HOLY SH*! HOLY SH*!
Kent Neuman: They're both dead. After that barbaric match both men fell 20 feet.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: A brilliant move by Abu, evening up the odds for his match later tonight.
Kent Neuman: And proving that he is a very dangerous, and ruthless, man in the process.
[The ref makes his way down to the lower floor and starts to count
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Marvel starts to stir a little bit.]
8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Rebel tries to roll over.]
9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's it, its over.
THIS MATCH IS A DRAW.
Kent Neuman: An amazing match by both men there. We were robbed of an ending by Abu Khalif but that doesn't take anything away from the amazing effort we saw from both of these men.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: EMTs are coming out to check on both men.
Kent Neuman: I'm not sure that either man is going to be able to make it into the back under his own power.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu Khalif has to be considered the guy in the driver's seat right about now.
Match 3: H2O vs. Abu Khalif
Midnight Massacre Cage Match
[A small video plays showing highlights from some past Midnight Massacre cages matches. Many of the clips feature H2O and his then nemesis Scar facing off the the last 90s. Both men look bloody and beaten. Other clips feature the infamous Midnight Masscare match between Avi Ericson and Shane Ambross. The culmination fo that match was Avi Ericson hitting Ambross with a crucifix powerbomb off the ladder on the top of the cage, through the trapdoor and into the ring well over 30 feet below.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That really ominous looking cage has just been dropped around the ringside area. Michael Buffer is getting into the ring.
Kent Neuman: I've seen every Midnight Massacre cage match ever contested and these things never fail to amaze. Don't forget, in order to win this match a wrestler needs to climb up the wall of the cage, climb across the ceiling of the cage, climb through the trap down in the top of the cage, climb into the top of the cage, and then climb the ladder on the top of the cage and grab the Freedom's glory title.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: It's that easy, huh?
Kent Neuman: It's one of the most difficult tasks imaginable.
Michael Buffer: Ladies and Gentleman. Its time for the Main Event of the evening. First let me introduce to you a man who will make you pray for mercy. A man on a mission to bring glory to Allah and His Prophet Muhammad while “Converting the infidel scum.”
ABU KHALIF
[“Your Fallacy” by Infidel starts to play over the PA. Abu Khalif walks out of the back to massive boos.]
Kent Neuman:The fans are really giving Abu a ton of heat. They remember 9/11 and can't stand Abu.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Thats just because they don't know whats best for them. After Abu destroy's H2O they'll understand the glory of Abu.
[Abu walk down the aisle swinging a star and crescent flag and followed bis his burka clad wife Sultana.]
Kent Neuman: The fans hate Sultana even more than they hate Abu.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: They're just jealous.
Kent Neuman: I can't imagine that anyone is jealous of Abu right now.
Michael Buffer: And now introducing one of the biggest legends in the history of the wrestling world. A man who has been called by many names, The Beating Heart of the CCW; Mr Sunday Morning, and many more. He is a member of both the IWA and the SWA halls of fame. He has won countless titles in countless federations on several different continents over the course of an illustrious two decade long career. He is
H2O
All of a sudden the lights in the arena go out. Blue lasers shine on the Abu from behind the curtain. "Sympathy for the Devil blasts over the PA" The crowd reacts instantly. The reaction is very mixed, half the people are screaming "Fail-ure" or other taunts but the other half seems are chanting things like “not-a-failure” and “prepare to be eradicated.” The big screen on the top of the entrance ramp snaps to life.]
~H2O and Scar falling off the top of a 30 foot steel cage in their epic Midnight Massacare Match~
~H2O slamming Dane onto a hot Bar B Q scorching his back~
"Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
And I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game"
~H2O hitting Kris Klepan over the head with a chair covered in barbed wire~
~H2O piledrivering Mr. Odd onto C4 explosives causing a huge explosion~
[H2O walks out from the back sparking an even louder mixed reaction. H2O is wearing plain blue pants and no shirt. H2O has a look of determination in his eyes. Every move he makes is deliberate and shows his focus. H2O pulls out a bottle of EE Sports Drink. He takes a gulp from the bottle and then tosses it into the crowd. There is a small fight for the bottle and the fan who eventually gets his hands on it celebrates boisterously.]
~H2O bulldoging Jimmy Doolan onto a bed of nails~
~H2O slapping a beaten bloody Anthony Kutler in the face over and over again~
"I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general’s rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queen
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made"
~H2O hitting Chris Page with a clothesline that causes both men to go flying off the top of the big television on top of the enterance ramp and sending them both crashing down onto an assortment of ghastly weapons on the floor below
~H2O hitting Stefan Waters with the Lazer Beam
[H2O takes a few steps off the top of the enterance ramp and then gestures to the crowd. H2O stands still and closes his eyes for a few seconds to soak up the crowds reaction. H2O's eyes suddenly snap open and he stares straight ahead. His eyes burn with a fire seldom seen in any wrestler in this day and age.]
~H2O rams David Throne's head into the ring post~
~H2O grabbing Big Balla by his hair and violently throwing him face first into the side of an EE Vindication cage~
"I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game"
~H2O swinging a wooden stick down across Kris Klepan's throat~
~H2O locking a bloody Ashe Corona in the Zion Kneebar submission hold~
"Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me lucifer
’cause I’m in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste"
~H2O and the Body Guard hitting a 3D on Randal Brock.~
~H2O superplexing Outlaw of a ladder.~
[H2O climbs into the ring. He takes a few steps around the cage, The ref looks at H2O with a look that speaks off both admiration and fear. He seems unsure if he is safe in the ring with H2O who has been known to snap at any second but he also greatly admires the legend standing before him.]
~H2O throwing Jon Talon out of a swinging cage and through a dozen stacked tables~
~H2O driving a car through the entrance of a PtW arena~
"Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, what’s my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what’s my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
What’s me name
Tell me, baby, what’s my name
Tell me, sweetie, what’s my name
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah"
~H2O holding the SWA World Heavywieght Title over his head~
[H2O is barely able to control his emotions. He is so ready to get into the heat of battle that it is obvious in his every step. He is virtually jumping out of his skin.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well now that that's over we can finally get underway.
Kent Neuman: That entrance gives me goosebumps no matter how many times I see it.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well if Abu has his way this might be the last time you get goosebumps.
Kent Neuman: H2O's been coming out here for 20 years, I don't think we're going to seem him pack up and go home anytime soon.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: This is a match that changed careers.
Kent Neuman: The officials are welding the door shut.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If we just locked the door someone might be able to break in. So in a Midnight Massacre match the cage door is welded shut, permanently.
Kent Neuman: In cases anyone doesn't get the point, this is serious stuff.
[H2O starts off the match by hitting Abu with an armbar take down, followed by another, followed by a third. Abu gets back to his feet and takes H2O down with a fireman's carry, and then another, and then a third.]
Kent Neuman: We're watching some good technical wrestling here to start the match.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Not exactly what you'd expect from this type of match.
Kent Neuman: Both men are just feeling each other out right now. Neither of these men have ever been in the ring with the other. I think things are going to heat up very soon.
[Abu gets H2O into a reverse chin lock.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu is trying to wear H2O's neck down for that Camel Clutch he calls the Jihad.
[H2O struggles to his feet. H2O and Abu lock up in a collar and elbow tie up and H2O is able to use his size advantage to push Abu down to the floor. Abu gets to his feet and H2O catches him with a European Uppercut. Abu fires back with an uppercut of his own. H2O and Abu start to exchange punches. H2O appears to be getting the advantage until Abu hits H2O with a thrust to the throat.]
Kent Neuman: Smart move there by Abu.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: If you can't breathe you can't fight.
[Abu hits H2O with a northern lights suplex. He then runs into the ropes and jumps into the air driving a knee into H2O's side. Abu rolls out of the ring and grabs a stop sign which he lays on the mat. Abu locks H2O in a half crab on top of that stop sign.]
Kent Neuman: That has to be very uncomfortable. Not only is H2O's leg getting pulled out of it's socket, but he's laying on top of a hard sign.
[H2O starts to get to his knees and Abu releases the hold. Both men get to their feet. H2O catches Abu with a flying forearm from out of nowhere. H2O then quickly whips Abu into the corner and follows him in with a huge Tsunami (Splash in the corner.) H2O lets Abu stumble forward from the turnbuckle and hits him with an Undertoe (rolling cutter).H2O waits for Abu to get to his feet and then nais him with a huge spine buster onto the stop sign that Abu used before. Abu is dazed and H2O follows up with a Hydro Driver [running piledriver.] The fans break out into a chant of “YOU'VE STILL GOT IT.”]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu needed a breather so he just rolled out of the ring.
Kent Neuman: If he didn't get out of there H2O was going to kill him. He really needed to break the momentum.
[Abu grabs some foreign object that is laying on the outside of the ring. The ringside area has been filled with weapons for this match. H2O walks through the ropes to press the attack but Abu surprises him. Abu gets a running start, leaps into the air and slams a cheese grater into H2O's face.]
Kent Neuman: That'll slow your momentum down really fast.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: H2O's scratched up pretty badly and we're just getting underway here.
[H2O grabs H2O and hits him with a rocker droper face first onto the cheese grater.]
Kent Neuman: That cheese grater is totally bent out of shape.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And its got more than a little bit of H2O's skin in it.
[Abu picks H2O up and hits him with a drop toe hold that drops him face first into the edge of the ring. Abu grabs a wooden board with some nails hammered into it off the floor. He then lifts H2O up and delay suplex's him so that H2O's back falls onto the nails. H2O spasms in pain. Abu grabs H2O's legs and hits him with a slingshot suplex into the cage.]
Kent Neuman: H2O did not get his hands up at all there. He just went head first right into that steel cage.
[Abu grabs H2O and irish whips him shoulder first into the ringstairs. Abu places H2O's hand on the stairs and then stomps on it.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Maybe H2O took Abu a little bit lightly this week and now he's paying for it right here.
[Abu throws H2O back into the ring and grabs another of the many weapons laying in the cage. This time he grabs a bottle of shampoo. Abu stands over H2O and squeezes out the shampoo into H2O's eyes.]
Kent Neuman: That monster. The bottle says not to get it in your eyes.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Yeah, I'm betting thats not, the “no more tears” variety.
[Abu grabs a chair and sets it up in the center of the ring. Abu pulls H2O up and hits him with a snapemare onto the chair. Abu sits H2O down on the chair and then climbs the top rope. Abu goes out of the ring and grabs a bunch of other chairs. He lays them down just past where H2O is sitting. Abu climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a missile drop kick onto H2O, who is sitting in that chair. H2O flies out of his chair and lands in the pile of other chairs.]
Kent Neuman: The fans are just stunned right now. Abu is looking mighty impressive.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Of course he is, he has god on his side.
Kent Neuman: H2O is laying in the middle of all of those chairs and he
[Abu rolls out of the ring and starts to climb the wall of the cage.]
Kent Neuman: It looks like Abu is going to try to get out of here and to grab that Freedom's Glory title quickly.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And if you think H2O is hurting right now, just imagine what he's going to feel like if he looses that belt.
Kent Neuman: He'll be devastated.
[Abu gets part of the way up the wall of the cage. But by the point H2O has managed to climb to the nearest turnbuckle.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Oh no. H2O is in leaping distance and Abu doesn't know he's there.
Kent Neuman: Its going to take a lot more than that to keep H2O down.
[H2O jumps off and hits Abu from behind with a Hydro Splash [Frog splash]
against the cage. Both men fall to the floor.]
Fans: Holy SH*! HOLY SH*! HOLY SH*!
Kent Neuman: I can't believe that didn't break the cage.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond:It may have broken Abu.
[H2O pulls Abu onto the ring apron, he lifts Abu up as if to do a powerbomb and then runs right into the guardrail. Abu's neck and the back of his head collide with the ringpost. H2O manages to hold onto Abu and then he jumps off the ring apron to the arena floor hitting Abu with a sitdown power bomb onto the concrete.]
Kent Neuman: And that's why H2O is the most dangerous man in this industry.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: He's always thinking of new ways to hurt people.
[H2O rolls Abu back into the ring and grabs a table. H2O sets up the table so
that its laying against the turnbuckles in the far corner of the ring. H2O picks up Abu and nails him with a Waterfall [Crucifix Powerbomb] through the table and into the turnbuckles. Abu crumples up in the splinters of the broken tables.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: No one has been in more Midnight Massacre Cage matches than H2O and it shows.
[H2O rolls out of the ring and gets another table with he lays across the top turnbuckle creating a platform. H2O puts Abu on the table/platform he just made and hits him with an Hydrolysis (Superplex.)]
Kent Neuman: H2O can come at you in so many different ways. That's what makes it to hard to prepare for a match with him.
[H2O rolls out of the ring and gets a spool of barbed wire.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Things might get very, very bad for Abu right about now.
[H2O sets Abu up for Hydro Spike onto the barbed wire. Abu manages to reverse the move into an overheard toss. Abu lifts H2O up and hits him with an abdominal stretch slam right onto the barbed wire.]
Kent Neuman: H2O brought that barbed wire in the ring and now I'll bet he's regretting it.
[Abu grabs a chair and takes H2O onto the platform/table that H2O made a few moments ago. Abu hits H2O with a DOUBBLE ATOMIC ARABIAN FACE BUSTER RIGHT ONTO THE BARBED WIRE.]
FANS: THIS IS AWESMOME!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!
Kent Neuman: I think the fans just said all there is to say.
[Abu locks H2O in his Jihad Camel Clutch right on top of that barbed wire. H2O is screaming in pain. Abu really has the hold locked in tight. He's screaming at H2O to “revert.”]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: H2O has to be in unimaginable pain right now.
HSN And he can't even tap out or sumbit.
Kent Neuman:He's not going to tap out, and he sure as hell isn't going to convert to Islam.
[After nearly a minute Abu gets off H2O. He walks over to the cage wall but notices that H2O is starting to get to his feet.]
Kent Neuman: Abu looks frustrated.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: You just can't kill H2O.
[Abu reaches under the ring and finds a board that has explosives attached to it.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu has an evil look on his face. He just might kill H2O.
[Abu rolls back into the ring and throws H2O unto the ring apron. Abu sets H2O up for a powerslam off the ring apron onto the explosives. H2O manages to grab the top rope and pushes Abu onto the ring post. Abu falls to the floor and H2O follows him down. H2O grabs Abu and slams him head first into the steel cage. He then uses the cage to grate Abu's face. Abu is still standing against the cage and H2O takes a few steps back before running into the cage and nailing him with a TSUNAMI into the cage.]
Kent Neuman: We've seen that move before. Our cages here are sturdy, that cage didn't budge at all despite all of that weight crashing into it.
[H2O lifts Abu up as if to do a powerslam but runs him face first into the cage.
H2O doesn't let go off Abu, he takes a few steps back and repeats the move a second, and a third time. H2O tries to set Abu up for a scoop slam onto the explosives but Abu slips out and hits H2O with a drop toe hold into the cage. Abu picks H2O up and hits him with a German Suplex so that the back of H2O's head hits the cage.]
Kent Neuman: This might be the most violent Midnight Massacre cage yet.
[Abu gets to his feet and sets H2O up for a powerbomb. H2O slips out of the power bomb hitting Abu with a front face buster. H2O sets Abu up for a High Tide [over the shoulder back-to-belly piledriver aka Kryptonite Krunch] right into the explosives.
~Kaboom~
The explosives go off]
Kent Neuman: NO [BLEEP]ING WAY.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I'm speechless.
Kent Neuman: The crowd is stunned into silence. We need to get some EMTs in there to check on Abu. He just landed head first on thoses explosives.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: The cage is welded shut, remember.
Kent Neuman: I can't believe that the government allows these matches to happen.
[H2O starts to climb the cage. Sultana starts to climb the cage on the outside. H2O has taken quite a beating and Sultana gets to the top of the cage way before H2O. H2O makes it to the ceiling of the cage and starts to climb toward the center of the cage were that trap door is located. Sultana gets onto the top of the trapdoor. H2O tries to open the door but Sulatna is sitting on top of it.]
Kent Neuman: H2O is hanging off that cage with one hand and trying to open it with the other. That's pretty hard to do with a woman sitting on top of it.
[Sultana pulls a lock out of the folds of her Burka and locks the trapdoor.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Wow. Sultana and Abu outsmarted H2O. He's trapped in that cage. He has no way out.
[H2O starts to hit the trapdoor as hard as he can with one hand. The door shakes but the lock holds. Sultana climbs down the cage on the outside. Abu has grabbed something from under the ring and is attaching it to the cage. H2O hits the trapdoor over and over again and eventually the lock snaps. The trap door flies open.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's amazing. I didn't think H2O had it in him. But he just broke that lock with one hand while hanging over the ring.
Kent Neuman: All H2O has to do is climb through that trap door and then he basically has this match won.
[Abu reveals that he has hooked a car battery up to the cage.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That battery is huge. It has to be for a hammer, or a tank or something.
[He flips the battery on and electrifies the cage. H2O tries to hold on but he can only manage to do so for a few seconds before falling from the ceiling of the cage into the middle of he ring.]
Fans: THAT WAS SICK!!! THAT WAS SICK!!!
Kent Neuman: Wow. H2O is laying in the middle of the ring and he isn't moving.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Well he's been beaten, cut, electrified and dropped off the top of the cage.
[Abu starts to climb the walls of the cage. He makes all the way to the top of the cage. H2O still isn't moving. The fans are starting to chant “fail-ure.” Abu climbs across the ceiling of the cage and through the trapdoor.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: H2O still isn't moving.
Kent Neuman: And when he watches this tape he is not going to be very happy to hear what the fans are calling him.
[All of a sudden a cherry picker drives out from the back with the Masked Marvel in the basket. The entire truck rumbles down the aisle.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: What the heck is Marvel doing out here? Marvel isn't supposed to be out here.
[Marvel is all bandaged up and looks like he doesn't quite know where he is. There is a bandage on his head and he is leaning against the side of the basket.]
Kent Neuman: That Freedom's Glory belt is on the line and there's no way Marvel is going to let H2O down. If he was conscious he'd be out here.
[The camera pans over to Marvel's surrogate little bother Josh who is cheering like crazy. Abu quickly sets up the ladder and tries to scramble up to grab the belt before Marvel gets there.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu is a few feet from winning this match.
Kent Neuman: All he has to do is grab that Freedom's glory title and he will be
the new Freedom's Glory Champion.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And put a dagger in H2O's heart.
[But he doesn't make it in time. Marvel tips over the ladder and Abu falls from the top of the ladder onto the top of the cage.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Abu was just a few seconds too slow.
[Marvel walks over to Abu and looks like he's about to throw him off the top of the cage. Abu stops his progress and hits Marvel with a flurry of punches.]
Kent Neuman: Abu and Marvel are exchanging blows on the top of the cage.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: And somehow H2O has woken up. H2O is crawling over to the cages and starting to climb.
[Abu flips Marvel over with a hurricanrana. Abu grabs the ladder and slams it down onto Marvel. Abu takes a few steps back and hits a leg drop on top of the ladder, on top of Marvel. Abu pulls Marvel up and Marvel hits him with an overhead toss. Marvel lays the ladder on top of Abu.Marvel stands over Abu, jumps into the air and comes crashing down on top of the ladder, driving it into Abu's chest.]
Kent Neuman: This has somehow turned into a handicapped match.
[Sultana has climbed back to the top of the cage and she jumps onto Marvel's back. Marvel spins around to try and dislodge her but Abu nails him with a big low blow.]
Kent Neuman: H2O has made it to the roof of the cage and I don't think that Abu sees him.
[Abu turns around and H2O nails him with an
ALL WASHED UP
(Standing side kick.)]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Out of nowhere. H2O just hit that from out of nowhere.
[Sultana shrieks and charges at H2O. H2O grabs Sultana and he and Marvel nail her with an
EE DROP
(3D)]
Kent Neuman: There are bodies everywhere. Did you see Sultana bounce off that cage?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: I can't believe they did that to a woman.
Kent Neuman: Really?
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: Not really. I've seen them do much worse over the years. But it sounded good in my head.
[H2O picks up the ladder and Marvel climbs half way up the ladder. H2O grabs Abu and the Guardians nail him with a
SPIKE HYDRO DRIVER!!!!!!!!!!
(Double Under-hook Suplex) on the top of the cage.]
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: My goodness. This is complete and utter carnage.
[Abu and Sultana are laying unconscious on the top of the cage. H2O climbs to the top of the ladder and grabs his Freedom's Glory title.]
Kent Neuman: H2O's done it. He's won and retained his Freedom's Glory title.
Michael Buffer: AND YOUR WINNER AND STILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL FREEDOM'S GLORY CHAMPION
H2O
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: But what a war.
Kent Neuman: Every Midnight Massacre Cage match I've ever seen has been a war and this one didn't disappoint.
“Hotshot” Sean Diamond: That's all the time we have for tonight.
Kent Neuman: I hope everyone enjoyed the show.
[H2O lifts the title over his head while still standing on the top of the ladder on the top of the cage. The fans chant “not-a-failure” as the camera fades out.]
DeadHead4Obama
Jan 28, 2013, 3:15:05 PM1/28/13
to
OLD SCHOOL EW!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
H2O
Jan 30, 2013, 9:58:15 PM1/30/13
to
On Monday, January 28, 2013 3:15:05 PM UTC-5, DeadHead4Obama wrote:
> OLD SCHOOL EW!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
If you're interested I'm planning on doing 3 shows like this a year. A really scaled down version of an e-fed. Just three PPVs a year and no other shows.
Basically I'll announce a card and then give people 2 1/2 weeks or so to rp and then I"ll write up the results. This show just came out so the next show will likely be in March/April. If you're interested shoot me an e-mail at eear...@aol.com
> OLD SCHOOL EW!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
If you're interested I'm planning on doing 3 shows like this a year. A really scaled down version of an e-fed. Just three PPVs a year and no other shows.
Basically I'll announce a card and then give people 2 1/2 weeks or so to rp and then I"ll write up the results. This show just came out so the next show will likely be in March/April. If you're interested shoot me an e-mail at eear...@aol.com
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