[WWO] War of the Ages 3 PPV [3/4]
Someone Important
sits next opposite of Kimberly, and Kimberly leans back over toward him, her
hair dropping down on her shoulders.]
Cantrell: And I take it you win the bet with John here?
John: That's Keith.
Cantrell: Well, Keith...
Keith: Yes ma'am.... I guess I'm asking you...
Cantrell: Why don't we all go make our way over to see the next match?
[Kimberly then extends a hand out for both John and Keith and they both
oblige the WWO reporter, who quickly look over her shoulder.]
Cantrell: Take it away Mickey, I've got a double date to take care of.
[She smiles before turning back around to walk with Keith and Johnny, and the
scene cuts back over to the pub where Mackey Jay is standing, again
surrounded by a group of people, all drinking beer. They all begin to bellow
as Jay begins to talk ]
JAY: Well the chorus of boos was nothing short of *astounding* when Johnny
Detson stole the title away from Al Perez, believe me, there aren't really
any happy campers around here at Scrooge's Bar and Grill, people were
really rooting for the Latin Lightning. [as he turns to face a man in a
Budweiser T-shirt, who has to weigh at least 250 pounds, the group begins a
"LIGHT-NING, LIGHT-NING" chant ] Isn't that right sir? What do you think?
BUD MAN: [ Yells into the mic] HELL NO! DETSON SUCKS! HE'S GAY!
JAY: [ chuckles nervously ] Thank you si...
[ As Mackey tries to pull away, the Bud Man tears the microphone right out
of his hands ]
BUD MAN: [ continues to yell as he points a finger at the camera ] JOHNNY
DETSON SHOULD GET HIS BALLS CUT OFF! IT'S NOT HE LIKE HE USES THEM! HE
SUCKS! HE'S GAY! HE'S GAYER THAN THIS GUY OVER HERE!
[ He points away from the camera to another large brute of a man, drinking
beer directly out of a pitcher. The man is so huge he basically has no
neck. He turns around as he feels the Bud Man poke him as he speaks. The
man with no-neck doesn't seem very happy as his mouth crinkles into a scowl ]
NO-NECK MAN: Who you callin' gay, chump?
BUD MAN: I'M CALLIN' YOU OUT, YOU DETSON-LOVING QUEER!
[ The No-Neck Man lunges for Bud Man, as Bud Man swings at him. They both
tumble to the floor as the surrounding guys cheer the fight on. Bouncers
pour in to separate both men from each other. Mackey carefully, yet
quickly, grabs the microphone from the floor ]
JAY: Now over here...
[ The camera quickly follows Mackey Jay who is fleeing the scene over to
another side of the bar where a group of people are gathered under an
Australian flag which has been tacked to the wall for the occasion Jay
eyes the location of the brawl quickly, seeming relieved. As the camera
comes onto the group of people, they start to cheer ]
JAY: ... we have a group of supporters who are deftly behind Roundhouse in
his endeavour against Tyrone Hayes in just a few moments.
[ They begin to chant "U-NIT, U-NIT" as Mackey walks over to one of the men
at the table who has his hair tied back into a ponytail ]
JAY: So I guess there's no doubt in your mind that Roundhouse isn't going
to be able to pull this one off, right?
PONYTAIL MAN: No doubt about it, Roundhouse is the Big Unit, he's gonna
Southern Cross Tyrone Hayes all over the ring, splatter his guts all over
the place, it's going to be messy, messy, messy!
JAY: And actually, speaking of support, here are Roundhouse's fellow
Australians and WWO World Tag Team Champions, Search and Destroy, who left
just a short while ago..
[ A pair of fans walk into view next to Mackey Jay, one on either side
of him as the Roundhouse fans go ballistic in the background, and begin
chanting "S-AND-D, S-AND-D" ]
JAY: And just like Roundhouse, they're having a good time, chatting it up
with these great fans here at Scrooge's Bar and Grill, as they prepare for
their gruelling 4-way tag team match tonight. We can only wish them the
very best of luck. And now we go back to the Georgia Dome with more from
Mickey Ralph and Sam Bradley.
[ The image fades back to the arena as the fans smiles widely, and then
gives the big 'thumbs up. ]
[The camera changes back to the ring where Johnny Calhoun is standing
with the microphone in hand.]
Calhoun: Ladies and gentlemen this match is scheduled for one fall with no
time limit. And this is the final "GRUDGE MATCH"!!
[The crowd erupts in cheers for the announcement of the big grudge match.]
MR: And we're about to get the grand finale to the triad of matches!
SB: Except that we don't get the priviledge of seeing Lex in action..
MR: Well, Lex's got no one to blame but himself. This was supposed to be
a huge tag match, but obviously, with Sapphire's departure, it's not going to
happen that way.
SB: And we're blaming Lex? Why the hell aren't we blaming Sapphire for
chickening out?
MR: How about let's not worry about the blame, and worry about the match,
shall we?
[The crowd goes wild as Mine by the Hoodoo Gurus starts to play over the
intercom system.]
SB: Oh sure, the moment I catch you on something, you want to change
the subject. Just like you Mickey.
MR: It's called following the Sam Bradley process of being wishy-washy.
Calhoun: Introducing first....coming to the ring first he weighs in at 400
pounds and stands
at 7 feet tall.
[From the entranceway steps the Big Unit, as the song suddenly changes
from "Mine" to "Gimme' Head" by the Radiators, as Roundhouse stands on
the entrance way, and as he does so, the fireworks go off around him in
bright blue and white colors.]
Calhoun: From Sydney, Australia, THIS IS ROUNDHOUSE!!
[As the fireworks come to a conclusion, the music changes once again, this
time to Rod Stewart's "Do You Think I'm Sexy", as Roundhouse makes his
way toward the ring.]
MR: And Roundhouse looking ready for the first of his two appearances
tonight!
SB: And after Hayes is done with him, there will be nothing left for Iron to
worry about. Because he won't be able to make it to the ring for the main
event officiating.
MR: Well, he'll have a few minutes to collect himself, and if he can come
out on top of Hayes with a huge win, Iron's going to be in twice the trouble
in
the main event.
SB: He's already there. He's got two Hall of Famers to deal with.
MR: Well, Hayes will have one of his own to deal with here.
SB: This is great now that you think about it. Roundhouse goes down to
Hayes. Sebastian and Hudson for the US belt... and You know I can't lose
there.
MR: As you've already said...
SB: Then Uncivil Disobedience takes the tag titles off of Search and
Destroy, and finally, Iron proves to Thrasher the Hall of Fame are has-beens.
MR: And Iron's not getting there?
[The music then changes once again, this time to "You Just Like Me 'Cause
I'm Good in Bed" by Skyhooks, as Roundhouse makes his way up into the
ring, and the Australian motions for the microphone, as he puts the bag
down at his side.]
Roundhouse: Tonight the time for games is over [from a bag he starts
producing a myriad of items] No more shears [Roundhouse tosses a pair of
shears aside]! No more enemas [Roundhouse throws the last of his enema
bags aside]! No more sheep [he discards a blow up sheep]! No more of this
bullshit! Tonight I'm just gonna out and out break Hayes in two for the
final time!
[The Roundhouse Medley final song continues to play through the PA
system,
and he tosses the bag off to the side, and begins to remove his kilt from
around his waist]
SB: This isn't a strip show dammit!
MR: I think it might be just that!
SB: Damn it..we've got some standards to uphold!!
[The crowd erupts as Roundhouse pulls the kilt off from around his waist,
and holds
it up in the air.]
Roundhouse: Finally, no more Hayes Hair Sporrans either [looks around] AH
STUFF IT!! The sporran stays!
SB: Hallelujah!! I can take these sunshades off!
MR: Too bad, Sam... you missed on heck of a show.
[The rowdy Atlanta crowd is still animated from the previous matches on
the card. Roundhouse is waiting for his longtime nemesis to emerge
from the back. Instead of "Sweet Home Alabama" playing, the world is
greeted by the Jimi Hendrix masterpiece: "Purple Haze". The crowd erupts
into a mixture of jeers and cheers as Todd "The Rod" Johnstone emerges
first. The manager of miscreants is dressed in a burnt umber sports coat,
dirt brown pants, an olive green shirt, a pair of brown loafers, and his
snazzy
brown belt from Sears. He has a microphone in hand and looks quite upset.
He makes a motion to the sound man to stop the audio, and makes his
pudgy body go towards the ring.]
Todd "The Rod" Johnstone: Once again, it's that time of year.
Occasionally, the world gets sick and tired of having to deal with dung
heaps as large, and as smelly, as Davey over there.
[Todd makes an obscene gesture to the Australian and stops just before the
ring. Roundhouse dares Johnstone to come into the ring, only to be met by
a large phlegm projectile eminating from the mouth of Johnstone.]
Todd "The Rod" Johnstone: As much as I'd love to beat the living sheep out
of you Davey, I think it's time to introduce *cough for effect*: the
_MAN_...
[Strobe lights begin to flash on and off and the large screen of the
Georgia Dome beginst to display Tyrone Hayes moments.]
Todd "The Rod" Johnstone: ...the _MIRTH_
[From high on the rafters several loud popping noises are heard.
Streaming down are doctored photos of Roundhouse enjoying a visit to the
zoo, smearing a sheep in Vegemite, and Fat Chinese Roundhouse sititng
on
children eating their lunches... among other things. The boo's are hitting
new highs as the anticipation for Hayes grows.]
SB: Ha! The games continue!
MR: At least for Hayes. Roundhouse is ready for business and nothing but
in the ring!
Todd "The Rod" Johnstone: and the _LITIGATION_! Hailing from
Tuscaloosa, Alabama, but known the world over for his antics. Coming in a
sleek, svelt, and stylish 287 and a Quarter pounds, and standing at a Purple
Aussie Beating height of 6 feet, 7 inches, he is the REAL Big Unit. Please
shut your overused crap traps and bow down to TYRONE "PURPLE"
HAYESSSSSSSSSSS!
[Instead of "Purple Haze, the fickle Tyrone has chosen "Shut Up * Brains
Out" by the Blood Hound Gang and you can almost make it out over the
crowd. Hayes is decked out in a purple robe with silver trim, purple and
black tights, and a cricket helmetcomplete with face mask. His robe is
undone and you can catch a glimpse of his t-shirt reading: "Roundhouse:
Two Legged Beasts Need Not Apply". Of course, the verbal barrage known
as Tyrone has a microphone in his hands as well. He slicks his hair back
and smiles as he is about to speak. Just as he is about to open his mouth,
he stops, admiring his new theme music.]
#I hate a lot of whites and I hate a lot of blacks#
#I hate poopin' in public places but we all hate that#
#I hate lesbian feminists cause they're all so damn ugly#
#I hate Spin Magazine cause they never ever plug me#
#I hate Regis and I hate Kathie Lee#
#I hate every single movie by that midget Spike Lee#
#I hate people that think that I care what they think#
#I hate people that think that their ass don't stink#
#I hate Jon Bon Jovi but I hate his music more#
#I hate killing people cause I hate to keep score#
#I hate you but you hate yourself too#
#I hate to be honest but I'd hate to be you#
#And I don't give a damn if you don't like me#
#Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me#
[Tyrone chuckles a tad, and Todd comes over and the two share a laugh,
and point at Roundhouse and laugh even more. Finally regaining his
composure, Tyrone wipes a tear from his right eye and now starts to speak
as the music dies down again.]
Tyrone "Purple" Hayes: Well if it isn't the sure fire cure for insomnia
staring me straight in the face. Roundy, roundy, roundy. What am I going
to do with you? You just continue to steal things from me to make up for
the fact that you are about as creative and interesting as one of those
Latin Lightning porno tapes that "Anchorboy" Tracy Hudson can't stop
stroking to.
[Tyrone chuckles at his own joke and wanders towards the ring, pointing
and laughing at a few fans along the way. The boo's are subsiding as
people's vocal chords are getting tired.]
Tyrone "Purple" Hayes: So it's all come down to this. I: the Man, the
Mirth, the Litigation against versus You: the defiler of sheep, the
fornicator of fright, the molester of men, the dimwit of disgust, the
idiot of indecency, the bully of buggery, and a Eunuch too boot. Well
_DAVEY_, it's time to put you in your place once and for all. I know, I
carried you to this height, and after I put an end to your reign of animal
anal pain, you'll be back on a tug boat to Sydney with all your fruit
Sydney Siders, crying your little eyes out and trying to pry my size 15
boots from your backside... with a little help from your old announcer
buddy Craigy Eldred. Two no talent hacks jealous of a real journalist like
Toddykins, and a real wrestler like moi. If your boy-o Eldred hadn't
gotten his panties in a bind when Toddy outed him all the way back in
Toledo, you never would have amounted to anything. So shut your yap, zip
your pants, and assume the position. It's time to beat y'all back to the
Hell you came from Davey.
[Tyrone tosses the microphone aside and removes his robe, and charges
into
the ring at Roundhouse.]
MR: And there they go right at it!!
SB: Let him have it Tyrone!
MR: And Hayes walking right into a pounding stomp from the big unit!! And
if there's a sign that this one is for all the marbles, that's it! No
waiting for
the bell. No waiting for some extra last minute theatrics.
SB: And no time waiting for Sheepboy to screw up.
MR: And Hayes wasting no time getting back out of the ring. I think he just
realized going after the big man head on isn't the best way to lengthen a
career. And Hayes back to the floor and Johnstone right there to keep the
Alabama wrestler calmed down..
SB: He's just telling him that when the opening is there, Johnstone will get
his cheap shots in.
MR: That should come as no surprise to those of us who know Todd, and
Hayes back up on the ring apron now. And ordering the official to back the
big unit away from the ropes.
SB: Take lessons, Roundy. Because I'm going to make sure that you're
going to do it right!
MR: Tyrone finally climbing back into the ring, and again, Roundhouse
moving right in on the man.
SB: Just impatient to get his ass kicked isn't he?
MR: Or do a little tail kicking of his own. Tyrone finally getting enough
space to get into the ring..and up to his feet...and the two men staring at
one
another across the ring.
SB: Was that a quiver of fear in the lip of Roundy?
MR: I think it was more of anticipation. He's ready for this match to
finally
get underway. Circling around the squared circle..and into the tie up! And
Roundhouse quickly using the power advantage!
SB: Hit and run, Ty!
MR: Tryone shoved down to the ground by Roundhouse...and now back up
to his feet, and Roundhouse not even bothering to wait! Moving right back
in on Hayes. Back to the ropes with the Alabama native...and firing Hayes
across the ring... Hiptoss!!
SB: Tight pull!
MR: Hayes launched up and over in a big hiptoss!! And Roundhouse
setting himself up.. Hayes back to his feet...Clothesline!! NO!! Hayes
dropping out of the way and a double leg takedown!
SB: The mastermind is back. You want serious Davey boy? Then serious is
what you get!
MR: And Hayes quickly over into a sit down side headlock! But the Big Unit
pushing himself back up to his feet, but Hayes keeping the headlock locked
on!
SB: Put him back down Ty!
MR: Roundhouse with a hard forearm to the ribs!! And another! But Tyrone
grinding down on the side headlock and Roundhouse can't shake him
loose!
SB: That's my Ty!
MR: And Johnstone obviously satisfied on the ring floor at the moment.
Roundhouse again with the forearm..but Hayes quickly spinning around..
and into a hammerlock!
SB: Just when you think you've got him locked down, he changes the rules!
MR: Hayes driving down with a shot to the back! And another! And
Roundhouse feeling that one, back up to a vertical stance... and Tyrone not
giving Roundhouse a chance to get out of it as he locks in that hammerlock
tighter!
SB: The master of all wrestling techniques..
MR: Roundhouse trying to find a part of Hayes to get a hold of, but Tyrone
keeping himself right out of the reach of the big man! And Roundhouse
forced to go to the ropes for the break!
SB: Just can't handle true wrestlers, can you Roundboy?
MR: The official ordering the break of the hammerlock, and look at Hayes
trying to tell the man that he's not about to break the hold!
SB: Arm first, hold second.
MR: Crisper with the count on Hayes, and finally Tyrone breaking the
hammerlock, and backing away from the big unit, and a few words from the
official... And Johnstone with a quick jab to the midsection of Roundhouse!
SB: Just when you think it's safe to get back in the water.
MR: And Roundhouse with a stare down at Johnstone! And that may not
have been the safest choice for the manager!
SB: Todd knows the risk. He's a master of taking it as far as he can.
MR: And he may have set the tone for thigns tonight...and Roundhouse with
a warning to the manager...and that's more than Tyrone is going to need!! A
quick kick to the back of the leg!! And another one!! Turning the big man
around!!
SB: Never turn your back on the "Purple Wonder of the World"...
MR: Or on the man behind the purple. Tyrone quickly grabbing the arm of
Roundhouse and winding the man up. Whip across... into a short
clothesline!!! And Roundhouse staggered by that blow!
SB: And who else could take the big man down that easily?
MR: Except he's not down..
SB: There he goes!!
MR: Hayes with the side russian legsweep!! And Roundhouse dropped to
the mat! And the cover by Hayes!! ONE!! T... Kickout by Roundhouse!!
SB: Let them have it Todd!
MR: Todd pounding on the ring apron...and Hayes back up to his feet...and
down with the standing elbow drop, and right back to the side headlock!!
SB: Wear him down Ty!
MR: And that's looking to be Hayes gameplan here at the moment. But it's
going to take a bit more than that to keep the big man down to the canvas!
SB: He's doing a damn good job at the moment.
MR: He gets some good credit there. And Roundhouse pushing back up
to his feet once again...and Hayes keeping the side headlock locked on
though...and Roundhouse with a forearm smash! Roundhouse looking for
some space between the two men..but Hayes not giving him the separation
he needs!
SB: Controlling the tempo and the momentum and the position. That's why
this man is destined for greatness!!
MR: Hayes around..and into the front facelock, and driving Roundhouse
down to the canvas again!!!
SB: I love it! The big man can't handle the most basic of wrestling
tactics!
MR: Tyrone holding the man down on the canvas! And Roundhouse needs
to find some way to get Tyrone out of the game plan!
SB: Which is being executed to perfection! Perfect Purple Hayes!
MR: Tyrone keeping that front facelock in place...and Roundhouse back up
to his knees and a body punch from the big man... and another!
Roundhouse firing away with the punches to the midsection of Tyrone!!
SB: Closed fists. has to deal with true wrestling, and he resorts to brutal
blows.
MR: And Roundhouse getting the separation! Roundhouse back to the
ropes!! And Tyrone down to the mat! Roundhouse over the top!!
Roundhouse back off the ropes again...And Tyrone with the leapfrog...NO!!
Roundhouse just catching Tryone in mid air!! Powerslam!!
SB: Lucky catch.
MR: And not so lucky for Tyrone!! And the crowd popping for Roundhouse
hugely here! Roundhouse up off of Hayes and just like that, he slowed
down the Purple wonder!
SB: You can't keep the big man down all the time. Just long enough to
score the three count.
MR: Roundhouse back up to his feet, and pulling Tyrone up to his feet, and
driving the man back to the corner of the ring! And the big foot right to
the
throat!
SB: See what I mean? No chance whatsoever for Hayes to get a fair
match!
MR: You have to fight fire with fire. And Roundhouse has been humiliated
to just a touch too much to let it go easy. It's time for Roundhouse to
extract
some revense.
SB: Oh sure, so you're condoning the cheap antics?
MR: Of course not, Sam. But it's going to happen. And Roundhouse just
grinding away with the choke hold..and the official finally in there to break
it
up!!
SB: Sure, now that the damage has been done.
MR: Roundhouse pulling Tyrone back out to the center of the ring...and into
a front facelock by the big man! Suplex!! And he delivers! A seven foot
drop from the suplex!!
SB: Get out of there Tyrone! It's time to make a hasty retreat!
MR: Tyrone trying to crawl his way ou of the ring, but Roundhouse not
giving him any place to go!
SB: And again the cheap grabs.
MR Roundhouse with a handful of hair. That's about all he could grab
before Tyrone was out of his reach.. and keeping the Purple One from
getting out of the squared circle.
SB: He just knows he can't deal with Tyrone on a fair ground!
MR: I think that's what he wants to make sure he has. Roundhouse
picking Tyrone up! Bodyslam!! And the cover! ONE!! Kickout!
SB: What's the matter big guy? That purple still sapping your strength?
MR: Roundhouse back up and Tyrone in tow... And Roundhouse driving
Tyrone to the ropes!! And using the ropes as a choker again! And he's got
Tyrone trapped there!
SB: And if he thinks he can get away with it, imagine what he's going to let
Trashy do!
MR: Can we worry about this match, right now, Sam?
SB: We could, but why should we? Roundhouse pounds on Tyrone, he
screws up. Tyrone drops a little purple power, and gets the cover.
MR: Right now, it looks like Tyrone could be using that power.
SB; He needs someone who will make Blubberbuns follow the rules!
MR: Roundhouse finally breaking the chokehold...but right back to it!
Roundhouse just choking away on Hayes....and the official right there to try
to break things up! But he's not having too much luck.
SB: It would help if 'house didn't try to threaten him! Just hit him,
Roundboy and take the DQ!
MR: Hayes with a quick elbow to try to break the chokehold! And another!
And the big man breaking the chokehold...but quickly turning Tyrone around
forearm smash! And another!! Roundhouse winding Tryone up and Hayes
sent across the ring... .Hiptoss!! And Roundhouse measuring Hayes up..
SB: Just get through the ropes Ty!!
MR: He's getting out of the ring! But not he expected!! Roundhouse with
the big clothesline!! And out to the floor! Tyrone just launched like a
rocket
over the top rope and crashing hard!!
SB: Get over there Todd! Keep that big lug in the ring!
MR: I don't know what you're expecting Johnstone to do..
SB: Manager things.
MR: That narrows it down.
SB: Just shut up Mickey. Todd knows what he needs to do.
MR: And Crisper right there to make sure that Roundhouse stays in the
ring.. and the crowd letting the official know what they want.
SB: Well, tough, they don't get any blood! Especially not the purple
blood.
MR: Johnstone helping Hayes back up to his feet, and right now, it may be
Tyrone the one who is out like a light, and counting the sheep! Johnstone
quickly pulling Hayes away from the ring.
SB: What's the matter Roundboy? Out of reach?
MR: Roundhouse motioning for Hayes to get back in the squared circle,
and Tyrone trying to wave it off!
SB: Let him get those sheep pictures out of his head first. One
Roundhouse is more than enough to deal with at a time.
MR: Roundhouse pushing past Crisper...and Hayes just grabbing the leg of
the big man!!! Down to the mat!! And Hayes pulling Roundhouse to the
edge of the apron.. down with the leg ! Hayes grinding the leg down!! And
Crisper right there to try to get Hayes to break the hold!
SB: What? He slipped. Hayes is just helping him go where he was going
to originally go.
MR: Somehow I don't think this is what Roundhouse had planned in mind.
SB: Now how would you know that Mickey?
MR: Hayes slamming the leg into the ring apron!
SB: You're one of those damn psychic hotline people, aren't you? You're
the one who told me to invest in the Yugo!
MR: The Yugo?
SB: That's what they said. I told them I needed to do something with my
money.
MR: And you probably did. Flushed it right down the toilet.
SB: Just like Roundhouse is going right now!
MR: Roundhouse quickly pulling himself back into the ring, and Tyrone
rolling in after him!
SB: Time to see the power of Purple in full force!
MR: Hayes back up to his feet... ack a hard kick to the shin!! And
Roundhouse down to one knee!! And Tryone milking it for what he can!
SB: That's what you call a true showman!
MR: Tyrone with a little dancing for the fans... and the crowd not too
thrilled
by the taunt....
SB: See, this is the problem with the south. No taste in dramatic
performance.
MR: And Hayes with a little more dancing..and Roundhouse back up to his
feet...and a thumb to the eye by Hayes!
SB: Two for two!
MR: And Hayes with a little more showboating...and back to the
ropes....clothesline!! And he nails it!!
SB: Tim-baa-er!
MR: Roundhouse down to the floor!! And the cover by Hayes!! ONE!!
TW...Kickout by the big man!! And what a kickout!
SB: Only because Hayes isn't finished with the Purple Power flash!
MR: Hayes back up, and a quick glance over to Johnstone... Roundhouse
getting back up to his feet..and met immediately by Hayes!! Hayes with a
grasp on the tights..and through the ropes!
SB: Let's see what you think about it now, 'housers!
MR: And Hayes immediately going to an argument with the official....and
Johnstone making his way around the ring floor... . And driviing the stick
into the midsection of the big man! And again!!
SB: Take lessons, House. Because this is the only way that you're going to
be able to make sure Thrasher wins the title tonight!
MR: And you'll be complaining at every moment if Roundhouse goes to the
shortcuts.
SB: Damn right. If Thrasher can't win the title on his own, then give it to
someone who can.
MR: Hayes still yelling at the official..and what the... Johnstone pulling
his
belt off!
SB: Roundhouse's one chance to get his hands on a real belt.
MR: And Johnstone just whipping Roundhouse across the back with that
belt!
SB: The power of Sears.
MR: Johnstone just firing away with that belt to the back of the
Australian!!
And Roundhouse almost helpless here at the moment!!
SB: Almost? Almost? I mean he's getting whipped by an old man!
MR: With the assist by Hayes. But the big man getting back up to his feet!!
And Johnstone better get out of there! And the Big Unit up!! And just
facing off at Johnstone..No!! Hayes off the ring apron with a double
axehandle to the back of the top of the head!
SB: That's what happens when you take your attention from the important
part of the match.
MR: And the belt-whipping by Johnstone wasn't? Hayes pulling
Roundhouse back up... and into the ring with the man! Hayes up on the
ring apron...and going to the top of the turnbuckle!!
SB: Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the Master of Purple
Power!
MR: Roundhouse up to his feet...flying leg lariat!! And Hayes connects!!
And Roundhouse laid out again! The cover by Hayes!! ONE!! TWO!!
THRE....Kickout!!
SB: The master of all types of wrestling showing why he's the best!
MR: And Tyrone back to the ropes... elbow drop connects! And the cover
again by Hayes!! ONE!! TWO!! TH...Kickout!! And Hayes just can't keep
the big man down!
SB: He's down at the moment though isn't he?
MR: Hayes back up to his feet, and the Australian still down on the mat.
Hayes turning the big man over..and driving him face first into the mat!!
SB: And nowhere for the Sheep Lovers of Australia spokesman to go!
MR: Hayes just rubbing the face of Roundhouse into the mat!
SB: Well, it's not the sheep pastures, but what can you do, but give him the
next best thing.
MR: And the crowd trying to get behind the Big Unit. And Johnstone not
taking too kindly to it!
SB: Just ignore them Todd! They're just getting you worked up! It's not
good for the stress level.
MR: And doing a good job of increasing that stress. And Tyrone back to the
side headlock... but Roundhouse trying to get up to his feet yet again!
SB: Cheap shot him Tyrone!
MR: Roundhouse getting up to his feet...and a quick shove off of Tyrone!!
And Tyrone to the ropes.. Shoulder block!! And down goes the Australian!
Tyrone back to the ropes again...Roundhouse down to the mat! And Tyrone
up and over..and back into the center....boot to the face!!
SB: Lucky shot! Nothing more!!
MR: And Tyrone caught that one flush to the chin!! And Roundhouse
backing the man to the ropes..and over to the corner!! Whip across the
ring!! And charging behind him!! Big avalanche!!!
SB: Foul! Off the ropes!
MR: A huge avalanche, and Tyrone wobbling from that one!! And
Roundhouse winding him up again! And across the ring!! And charging in
again!! Another corner avalanche!! And the pick up by the big man...
SB: Put him down!! Put him down!!
MR: Roundhouse may be doing just that! Fallaway Slam!! And he just
launched Tyrone with one move!! And Tyrone quickly going out to the ring
floor again!!!
SB: Smart man! Can't pin him on the ring floor.
MR: But Tyrone is hurt from that one! He got launched two-thirds of the
way across the ring..and grabbing at his back! And Roundhouse right out to
the floor behind him!
SB: Run Tyrone! You don't want him going with you!
MR: Not as though he's got much choice here! Roundhouse down to the
floor, and grabbing Tyrone! Head first...look out!!
SB: Not over here....dammit!!
MR: And Roundhouse slamming Tyrone face first into the table! Clear the
airfield!
SB: Get it back in the ring you nut!
MR: Nut..that's a professional label? Roundhouse holding on to
Tyrone..and .. DEAR LORD!! Just driving Tyrone back first into the ring
steps!! And they just got launched!
SB: In the ring dammit!! In the ring!!
MR: Roundhouse pulling Hayes back out again!! And he's got him set
up!!
SB: He's trying to kill the man! He's ..
MR: Roundhouse hooking Hayes up... Powerbom...DEAR GOD!!!! He just
dropped Hayes head first on the ring apron!
SB: Damn it!! How is he going to be able to walk after that!
MR: Roundhouse doesn't care!! This is payback! And it may cost Tyrone
his career and possibly his life!! Roundhouse tossing Hayes back into the
ring..and Johnstone from behind!!
SB: There you go!! This is what you call payback!
MR: Johnstone with that belt..and around the throat of the big Unit!
SB: Who cares! Tyrone's hurt!! Let's get some help out here for Tyrone!
MR: And Johnstone trying to choke the life out of Roundhouse!
SB: Kill him Todd! He's got to pay for the attempted murder!
MR: Roundhouse with the elbow to the face of Johnstone! And the official
still checking on Hayes!!
SB: Damn right!! Tyrone wins by murder attempt!
MR: Roundhouse with another elbow!! And Johnstone's reeling!
Roundhouse picking the man up!!
SB: Damn it!! He's not a wrestler Roundhouse!!
MR: But he's trying to get involved in the match!! And Roundhouse carrying
Johnstone...look out!!
SB: They better catch him!
MR: Roundhouse just tossing Johnstone into the first few rows of the
crowd!!! And the Big Unit back in control now!! And Roundhouse with a
few words for the manager!
SB: We don't speak Australian, you bloody wanker!
MR: Roundhouse rolling back into the ring, and Tyrone still down on the
canvas! He is hurt!! Tyrone is in pain!! And the cover by Roundhouse!!
This one is over!! TWO!! THREEEEENO!!! NO!!!! How did Hayes even
move to get out of that one!
SB: He's alive!!! He's alive!!
MR: Thank you Dr. Frankenstein. But Roundhouse up to his feet... and
pulling Hayes up! And turning the man over! Reverse Neckbreaker!!!
SB: Damn it!! He wants to make sure he can't walk can he!
MR: He may be planning on taking out Hayes once and for all! But he's
not going for the cover!! Roundhouse up to his feet, and pointing to the
corner!!! And they know what's coming up!
SB: Damn it!! He wants to break him!
MR: In as many pieces as possible!! Roundhouse over to the corner!! And
Johnstone's not going to be much help here!! The big man up the ropes!
Money Shot!!! The big man off the top rope!!
SB: Just move! Move Ty!!
MR: I don't think he can!! And Roundhouse connects!! Roundhouse
nailed it!!! And the cover!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THRE...No!!!! NO!!! Johnstone
just pulled the official off the count!!
SB: HALLELUJAH!!! The man who can't be any help did it again!!
MR: And Johnstone holding the official out on the ring floor!! And
Roundhouse holding the cover down! But there's no official there!!
SB: That's what you call a genius of a manager.
MR: Roundhouse back up to his feet! And he's grabbing Johnstone!!
Roundhouse grabbing the manager again!! And the soupbone ready!
Special Delivery!! Johnstone just decked again!
SB: He can't do that!!
MR: And you're going to tell him otherwise? Besides Johnstone stuck
himself in where he didn't belong... Crisper pulling himself back into the
ring! And trying to get Roundhouse back to the match!
SB: Oh sure, now that he's killed Tyrone.
MR: Well, we've got a case of "Dead Man Walking" then, because Hayes is
getting back up to his feet...
SB: True resiliency!
MR: Roundhouse back around...and Tyrone there... Pickup!! Inverted
atomic drop!! And he caught the big man with it!!
SB: That's the power of purple for you! Keeps a licking and keeps on
ticking!
MR: That's Timex, Sam.
SB: This is better than those cheap baubles! This is Tyrone Hayes!
MR: Roundhouse back to the ropes... And shoulder to shoulder!! And both
men rocked!! Both men rebounding again... Double clothesline!! And both
men down to the canvas!! And Tyrone grabbing at his neck once again,
Roundhouse down on the mat motionless!
SB: Just pull yourself over Tyrone!
MR: I don't even think he can move at the moment! Tyrone in pain!
Roundhouse is just about out! And the official with the count on both men!
SB: This is Crisper... think I'll have time to grab a coke or something.
MR: Stay put Sam!
SB: Dammit.. I've got to prepare myself now. I'm not going to miss the
greatest United States Title match in our history!
MR: Okay, Tony.
SB: Tony? Who the hell is tony?
MR: Hayes finally rolling himself toward the ropes, and Roundhouse still
showing no signs of life here at the moment.
SB: Ha! You tried to kill Tyrone! An eye for an eye!
MR: Bradley finally finding religion, I believe here.
SB: Praise the lord! Tyrone Hayes has been resurrected!!
MR: And Johnstone pointing Hayes back to the downed Australian! And
Hayes shaking his head at his manager... And Hayes motioning to the
crowd!
SB: He just wants his respect..
MR: Hayes cupping his ear...
SB: Just to make sure they know who to cheer for.
MR: I think it's more because he can't hear any cheers. Right now, no one
responding with anything but boos..
SB: Music to the ears.
MR: Tyrone back to the ropes...and racing back to the center of the ring!!
And stopping...
SB: See what he did to his neck?
MR: Hayes grabbing at his neck and wincing in pain... standing legdrop!
Hayes just connecting with the leg drop! And quickly over for the cover!!
ONE!! TWO!! THRENO!!!!
SB: Impossible!!
MR: Maybe improbable, but not impossible! Roundhouse somehow
getting the shoulder up! And Hayes just staring in disbelief at the
official!
SB: He wants someone to get his neck brace.
MR: Hayes right back to the neck and holding on... he is seriously hurt!
SB: Damn it Roundhouse, you just were waiting for this!
MR: And Hayes up to his feet... and Roundhouse pulled up to his feet...And
if Hayes is going to end it, he needs to do it now! Back to the ropes with
the big man and across the ring! Boot to the midsection!! NO!!
Roundhouse caught it!! Short clothesline!! NO!!
SB: Thank god!!
MR: Hayes ducking under the clothesline!! And back around..spinning
savate kick!! And he caught Roundhouse right to the side of the face with
it!!
And Roundhouse sent over to the ropes and the corner again!
SB: Get in there, Tyrone! You've got him reeled!
MR: Hayes moving back in...and firing the man across the ring!!
Roundhouse sent hard to the corner! And Tyrone again showing the signs
of the powerbomb..and Roundhouse charging back out!! Clothesline!
SB: Dammit!! He's injured it already! He doesn't need to take the head off!
MR: Hayes literally 360'd on that one!! Hayes nearly decapitated! And
right back to protecting himself once again!! And Roundhouse has his
opening! This could do it!!
SB: Come on Tyrone!! Dig deep!
MR: Roundhouse signalling to the crowd!! And listen to the pop!!! That's
the sign for the Southern Cross!!
SB: Come on Tyrone!! Get back up!! Get out of there!!
MR: The cheerleader mode back on for Sam. Except I don't think Tyrone
can move to even get out of the ring!! Roundhouse pulling the man back up
to his feet...and into the full nelson... Southern... Tyrone with a
desperation
escape!!
SB: Hey, Sheeperman wanted to go south, so that's what Hayes did!
MR: Hayes just stomping on the foot of the Big Unit!! And... a swift kick!!
And Hayes grabbing Round....Diamond Cutter!! NO!! Roundhouse driving
Hayes to the ropes!! Off the ropes.... And Roundhouse with the
backdrop...NO!!
SB: Out of nowhere, the great one pulls it off!
MR: Hayes stopping himself, and just hooking the head of Roundhouse up,
and into a DDT!!! That could do it!!
SB; Could! That does do it!
MR: But Hayes not going for the cover!!
SB: Come on Tyrone!! You've won the war!!
MR: Tyrone pulling Roundhouse up to his feet!! And he's turning the big
man around... He's goin... Full Nelson!! he's going for his own Slam!!!!
NO!! Roundhouse driving backwards to the corner!! And Tyrone squashed
by the big man! This war's not over with just yet Sam!
SB: He's got nothing but blanks left!
MR: Roundhouse with the big elbow!! And turning himself around... Right
hand to the face! And again!! Roundhouse winding the arm up and
driving... HOLY!! Roundhouse just launching Tyrone into the corner, and the
Alabamian up and over the turnbuckle!!
SB: He jumped over...
MR: Good form, but I don't think the landing will get him any medals then.
And Johnstone up on the ring apron now!! Johnstone back up on the ring
apron!! And Roundhouse going after the manager!! Johnstone down to the
floor, and the big man going affter him!
SB: And who said that Todd can't shake a move here or there!
MR: Johnstone around the ring!! And Roundhouse in pursuit!! There goes
the cane!! Johnstone tossing the cane down to the floor and rolling in the
ring! And Johnstone's probably never moved so fast in his life!
SB: Sure, you don't know what the big man's going to do to you if he
catches you. I mean this is one man who doesn't worry about the "family"
programming.
MR: As if Hayes and Johnstone do? Johnstone rolling into the ring! And
the Big Unit climbing up after him!! And Roundhouse caught him!!! I guess
that old age got to him!!
SB: Come on Roundhouse! He's not a target!!
MR: The crowd thinks so!
SB: What do they know?
MR: They know Todd's about get his dues!! Roundhouse picking
Johnstone up off his feet!! And Hayes is up on the top rope!! Roundhouse
throwing Johnstone out of the ring!! And the big man doesn't see Hayes!
Back around...
SB: What was that? Did I just hear a neck snap!!
MR: Tyrone off the top rope and he just caught Roundhouse with the flying
inverted bulldog!!! And he planted it!! Tyrone on top for the cover!!
ONE!!!
TWO!! THREE!!! That's it!!
SB: Yes!! Yes!! The war is Tyrone's!!
MR: But at a huge cost!! Tyrone with the win with a new move in the
arsenal! But he scored it!! And Tyrone quickly rolling himself out of the
ring!!
SB: But he's rolling out as a winner!
Calhoun: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, TYRONE
"PURPLE" HAYES!!
[The crowd boos as the camera focuses on Tyrone who gets up to his feet,
and immediately grabs at his hurt neck, and Johnstone holds the hand of
Tryone up quickly, to a chorus of boos.]
SB: Now that's a man who knows how to fight through the pain to win!
MR: You can't take anything away from Hayes, that's for sure...but you've
got to give credit to Roundhouse as well.
SB: The hell I do. He lost... that's your headline. Roundhouse isn't as
good as Hayes.
MR: Both men just laid into one another with everything they had, and a
little
bit more, and it was just enough for Tyrone to walk out with the win.
SB: And to give Roundy the loss.
MR: But again, both men get the credit they're do. An incredible match
between two incredible contenders...
SB: But only one is better than the other, and in this case, it's Tyrone and
not Roundy!
MR: And we're just getting started in finding out who the better men in the
World Wrestling Organization are. We've got a United States tournament
match coming up.
SB: And this is great. I either get Detson-Hayes-Sebastian or Detson-
Hayes-Hudson one rightafter another.
MR: So you get the trifecta?
SB: And I get a huge pay off! Boots is going to have to pay out the wazoo
for me!
MR: Well, we saw what got us to this point. Brian J. Blottie came out
earlier in the evening, and cost Dumars his matchup, and then Dumars
responding with an elimination of his own, as Dumars' interference takes
Blottie out.
SB: As if it would have made any difference to start with?
MR: It may have, but it doesn't matter now. Blottie and Dumars are going
to have to settle their score at some point in the future... but they give us
our
finals. Tracy Hudson and Mike Sebastian. One of them is to be crowned as
our United States champion!
SB: And it's a great day for that title belt.
[The camera changes to the back once again, and seen roaming the hallways
once again, is the ever-growingly familiar penguin, and he pats a small kid
on the head, who walks past, and then quickly ducks his head into another one
of the WWO locker rooms.]
MR: Johnny Calhoun's back in the ring... Let's get up to the ring announcer,
and get this US tournament underway!!
Calhoun: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one
fall, and it is for the World Wrestling Organization's UNITED STATES
CHAMPIONSHIP!!
[The crowd erupts in a huge chorus of cheers, for the announcement of the
title match.]
MR: And here we go folks! This is what we've all been waiting for!! The
United States Championship!
SB: And I thought Blottie was our masked man?
MR: So did Sebastian apparently, but obviously that has been disproven here
tonight.
SB: Well, whoever he is, had best just take care of his own business and let
Sebastian worry about this title match.
MR: If he's so worried about the title match, why did he even show up at the
IP
match?
SB: Always looking for the next step up.
[Suddenly the music of "Deep Six" by Big Black begins to play over the
intercom
system, and the crowd instantly begins letting out a huge chorus of boos.]
MR: And the first of two of the most disliked men in the World Wrestling
Organization set to make his appearance.
SB: It's great! I can't lose either way!
Calhoun: Introducing first, he weighs in at 223 pounds, and hails from
Portland
Oregon...
[The video wall lights up with the usual array of Hudson shots as seen
earlier
in the evening, however, this time, the photos of Hudson are redrawn, this
time
with a copy of the United States Championship title wrapped around his
waist.]
MR: A little confident, isn't he?
SB: You need all the confidence you can get when going up against one of the
greatest technical athletes of our time.
Calhoun: Here is "THE PRODIGY" TRACY HUDSON!!!
[The crowd boos pick up a little bit, as Hudson makes his way out from under
the
archway, and stops to face the camera, and begins to pose for the viewers.]
SB: Show them that marvelous United States Championship physique Tracy! And
who says clean-cut living is the guaranteed road to success.
MR: A lot of people, but obviously that's not the philosophy that the
"Prodigy"
carries.
SB: And he's a prodigy.
[Hudson motions to his waist, as if to wearing a title around around his
waist,
before pointing and making his way down toward the squared circle, the camera
following him with every step.]
MR: Here's half our group....now one more to go, and we will have a new
United
States Champion in our midst!!!
SB: And it will be Tracy Hudson..
[An array of distorted guitar riffs are heard as the arena cuts to
sheer darkness once more. Gold and green strobe lights are sen at the
entryway once again, and that same raspy voice is heard over the
loudspeaker.]
SB: It will be Mike Sebastian!!
MR: You're just not able to pick one are you.
SB: I don't care!! It's a happy day in Mudville, cause mighty Casey has hit
a
homerun!
Calhoun: And his opponent... from Palm Springs, California, weighing in at
227
pounds...
# Tailored suits, chauffered cars #
# Fine hotels and big cigars #
# Up for grabs, up for a price #
# Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night #
# The claim is on you #
# The sights are on me #
# So what do you do #
# That's guaranteed #
# Hey little girl, you want it all #
# The furs, the diamonds, the painting on the wall #
[It is clearly "Money Talks" by the legendary rock band, AC/DC. As
the riffs and chords continue from the axe of Angus Young, the chorus
begins.]
Calhoun: This is "MONEY DRIVEN" MIKE SEBASTIAN!!!
# Come on, come on, love me for the money #
# Come on, come on, listen to the money talk #
# Come on, come on, love me for the money #
# Come on, come on, listen to the money talk #
[Out steps the former Television champion, as the video wall comes to
life:]
\\ _ _ ___ _ _ ____ __ __
| \ / | / _ \ | \ | | __|\ \/ /
| \/ |/ / \ \| \| | _| \ /
| |\/| |\ \_/ /| |\ | |__ / /
|_| |_|_\___/_|_| \_|____|/_/_
| \| _ \| | \ / | __| \ | |
| |\ \ /| |\ \/ /| _|| \| |
| |/ / |\ \| | \ / | |__| |\ |
|___/|_| \_\_| \/ |____|_| \_| //
--MIKE SEBASTIAN--
MR: And here we go!! Hudson and Sebastian. The United States Championship
is
on the line!!
[Placing his hands upon his hips, the green and gold flashing lights
beam off both sides of his body. And for once, the man actually has a
smile upon his face as he seemingly enjoys the sound of his latest
entrance tune. Sebastian is clad in his wrestling garb -- a pair of
green wrestling trunks. However, this is no ordinary pair of tights.
Across the man's pelvis is a giant picture of the World Wrestling
Organization United States title. His arrogant grin remains constant
as he saunters towards the ring. While down the aisleway, he spits his
chewing gum out in front of him, and slaps it to his left, into the
crowd.]
# Money talks, B.S. walks #
# Money talks, come on, come on #
[Reaching the ring steps, Sebastian immediately halts, and eyes a very
impatient and overzealous Tracy Hudson. Mike is soon handed a
microphone, and speaks while glaring at his opponent for the finals of
the United States tournament.]
MS: Easy, tiger.
[Mike holds a hand up, as if that were to calm down "The Prodigy".]
MS: I know you want that piece of tin sitting right over there on that
there table, and something tells me you might just be able to get
it... if you play your cards right.
See, I didn't even want in this damn tournament in the first place.
Yeah, I know I came out raising hell about being put in the
brackets, but I only wanted to be a part of this to prove to the
whole damn world that I'm more than a good wrestler... but that I'm
better than all three guys in this pathetic tournament.
One round down with one to go now. We've weeded out those that
were unfit to survive and now we've got the cream of the crop. Me
and you, Hudson.
And in just a second, it's only gonna be one of us.
[Hudson remains impatient as Sebastian continues.]
MS: Like I said, I did this tournament thing to prove a point.
[Sebastian stares right into the face of Tracy Hudson, who hops up upon
the first set of turnbuckles, as if he were attempting to grab at
Sebastian's golden blonde hair.]
MS: ... And I've done that.
Hudson, I could walk into that ring right here and now and have
your shoulders pinned to the mat faster than you can say, "Damn,
not again." I've beaten you once, and I could easily do it again,
whether you choose to admit it or not. The fact is, I've proven
my point, and there's nothing left for me here. My work is done.
Thus, the United States championship is yours, Tracy. Take it.
[Hudson steps back off the ring ropes with a puzzled look upon his face.
Not knowing what to do, he remains in place.]
MR: What the... Sebastian is handing the title over?
SB: Hudson's getting what he wanted!!
MS: Yes, you heard me right. The belt is all yours, Hudson.
Congratulations.
[He says this with a bit of sarcasm in his voice, but a ring attendant
enters the ring and hands Tracy his newly won title belt.]
MS: Because you see, everyone and their brother knows I could have just
walked out of that ring with the U.S. strap... _if I wanted to_.
But I thought the entire point of this tournament was to bring the
United States championship back to the forefront. But I've already
played that game. I've already become the best Television champion
of all-time. I _made_ that damn belt all over again. I don't need
to do the same for some cursed belt such as this one.
Instead, there is another title that needs my help.
[A grin crosses Sebastian's face, as he looks about the arena now,
instead of at Hudson.]
MS: People have been saying the the International People's championship
has definitely lost its [quotation marks with his fingers] "heat"
in the past couple of months, and that it's basically as dead as a
doornail. I'm here to change that.
So Al Perez, you complain about not having the competiton? You
whine about not having anyone credible to defend against? Hey, I
was a CWC'er too, you know, and since fighting all of them seems to
be your thing, then why don't you try 'ol Money Bags on for size,
champ?
Because I assure you, you may have defeated each and every man from
that 'lil federation in the past, but there's one man you won't be
able to say the same for. And you're looking at him.
[Mike jets at thumb towards his chest.]
MS: Al Perez, you want some _heat_?
[He nods.]
MS: I'm coming, then... for you.
[Sebastian slings the microphone over Hudson and into the ring where it
makes a loud thud over the loudspeaker, when suddenly, the speakers flare to
life.]
VOICE OVER: Sebastian... you don't have to wait for Perez to get burnt!
[The crowd erupts in pops as Sebastian suddenly spins around to see the
masked
man standing on the aisle entrance way, with a microphone in his hand.]
SB: NOT AGAIN!!!
MR: Uhh... okay, what the hell!!!
VOICE OVER: And before you ask... Sebastian. Mr. Blottie's nowhere
around...
so this time... this time it's the real thing!
SB: WHAAAAA?????
MR: The crowd erupting!! And we're about to ...
SB: It's not Blottie? SO WHO THE HELL IS THIS!!!
MR: We're about to find out!!
VOICE OVER: Forget Perez, Sebastian... because you've got one more surprise
coming your way.
MR: Holy...that's... that's Tyrone Hayes' outfit!!
SB: Tyrone?? WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!!
[The masked man suddenly reaches up and pulls off the mask, to reveal himself
as
"The Purple Power" Tyrone Hayes, drawing an enormous pop from the crowd.]
MR: And Lex is right behind him!!! What the!!!
SB: What are they doing??? What the hell are they doing!!
MR: And Sebastian has absolutely nowhere to go!!
SB: This ... what the hell is going ... what the fu...they can't do this!!
Not
Hayes!! Not Lex!!!
Tyrone "Purple" Hayes: Well if it ain't little "Whiner Drivel" Mikey
Sebastian. My God, Tyrone is the hood man! Whoa. Something that only
mean old Dick Mason could envy. Why Tyrone, why? I know that's what all
you little Purple Patrollers out there are wondering.
SB: What are you doing Tyrone?? What the hell are you doing?
[Hayes paces back and forth a bit, obviously not even close to being
inhibited by Sebastian's presence.]
Tyrone "Purple" Hayes: You see people, I'm a "team" player. While I pack
those trailer trash seats in house like roaches infest Roundhouse's
underwear, I feel I'm a tad underappericated. It didn't bother me
much... until Ole Mikey here decided to claim he was too good for his TV
belt. I can understand that though. Then, of course, the ever
appreciative Sebastian decides that he is too damn good for the US belt.
Well, since the Underground Kingpin generally killed the thing off, it
can be considered a valid point. But then, then...
[Hayes stops for a moment and chuckles to himself. He then smirks and
shakes his head.]
Tyrone "Purple" Hayes: Then you had to jockey for a shot at the
International People's belt. Well _THAT_ my sad little fiend, is
something that just don't sit right with old Tyrone. So I said to
myself: "Ty, what can you do to make Mikey's life miserble, short of
actually having to talk with the sack of dog crap". And lo and behold,
inspiration hits me, along with several copyright infringements that we
won't discuss now. So get this through your ego encased skull of yours:
WAIT YOUR TURN BOY! You've had your time with gold, and to be honest, it
was way too long. Now it's my time. Time for someone truly entertaining,
as well as educational, to get his chance. That's all I really got to
say, so Lexy, say a few words to the soon to be Deceased and Bruise
Riddled Mike Sebastian.
[Tyrone flips the microphone to his compatriot and urges the crowd to
boo more, but surprisingly the crowd ERUPTS in nothing but pops for the
"Purple
Magic".]
Latex Lex: Hey Slick Mick, where did you get off making Mayo Manwhiches
with Bed Notcher Timmy Beck? That was supposed to be a private thing
tween you me, Tony Falcon and that excitable Parking attendant that
night at the Hilton in St. Petersburg. Is nothing sacred to a cheap
whore like you?
MR: And Sebastian's got absolutely nowhere to go!! Sebastian rolling
himself
into the ring!! And look at Tyrone! He's just standing there!! Sebastian
wants
out of the arena, and you can't blame him!!
SB: Just leave Mike!! Go through the crowd! Just go fast!!
MR: Sebastian back around..and what.. Tracy is capitalizing!! Hudson with
the
boot to the midsection!!! And Sebastian bent over!! And Hayes climbing up on
the ring apron!!
SB: This cannot ..not to Sebastian!!
MR: Hudson picking Sebastian up!!! PRODIGY DRIVER!! HE just planted
Sebastian
with the suplex tombstone!! And Hudson with the quick cover!! I don't
believe
this!!
ONE!!!!
TWO!!!!
THREEE!!!!
SB: What the.. this was a whole setup?
MR: It looks like it!! And Lex .. lex is grabbing the United States
championship title!! And.. I guess... I guess we've got a new champion!
SB: What do you mean? This wasn't a match!! Sebastian gave it over to
Hudson!
MR: I dont' think that was going to do it! You heard Hayes. Sebastian
challenging for a belt he wants... and Tyrone taking exception!! And Hudson
motioning to Hayes...he wants the mask!! He wants that mystery mask!
SB: It's not so mystery anymore.
Calhoun: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, and your NEW WORLD
WRESTLING ORGANIZATION UNITED STATES CHAMPION, "THE PRODIGY" TRACY HUDSON!!!
[The crowd gives a mixed pop, in part due to the startling revelation of
Hayes.]
MR: And Hudson putting the mask on!! Hudson's putting the mask on...and
he's
one of them? And now down in the face of Sebastian!! This is more ... I
mean
Sebastian's not the greatest guy to know... but come on!
SB: Come on is right!! They can't do this!! I mean he just gave you the
title
Tracy!!
MR: And Hayes with his hoganesque routine! And Lex putting the title
around
the waist of Hudson... folks, I don't know what to tell you! And now the
champ
getting picked up by Hayes and held in the air!
SB: This is ...uhmm...i don't know what the hell this is! Confusing!
MR: We've got a celebration in the ring...
[The camera shot then changes back to the back of the arena once again, where
the penguin is seen coming out of a door, and he adjusts the head on his
costume, before making his way down the hallway.]
JAY: Thank you guys... well, you can imagine the deception here at
Scrooge's Bar and Grill here in downtown Hot-Lanta when Tyrone Hayes beat
Roundhouse, apparently still drowning out the fact that Tracy Hudson is the
new United States champion, but fortunately, nothing was broken, so we have
to be thankful for that.
[ Motions over to the man with the Scrooge's shirt, as a Tyrone chant has
started
to pick up in the crowd.]
JAY: But more than a few people happy about Sebastian getting his come-
uppanace.
Voice in the crowd; DAMN RIGHT!!! You don't buy your way to greatness!
JAY: I'm joined here by the owner Scrooge's, Don Melville, thanks for
having us here with you tonight.
MELVILLE: Our pleasure.
JAY: Don, I hear you're a big WWO fan, aren't you?
MELVILLE: The biggest. I love the WWO.
JAY: Who are your favourite WWO wrestlers?
MELVILLE: Uh... I like Mike Sebastian a lot... and Tyrone Hayes. Tyrone
Hayes is cool in my book.
JAY: Ah, a man who likes his cheaters! Now Don, I hear you set-up a
betting pool here tonight, but a rather peculiar one is that right?
MELVILLE: [ points to the chalkboard, proudly ] Yes, it's the 'Mason
Whooping Betting Pool'.
JAY: Tell us about it.
MELVILLE: Well basically, over the past few weeks, we set up a betting pool
where people could throw in five dollars to bet on where and how or with
what Mason would be hit during tonight's main event. Whenever Mason gets
hit on a specific area in a certain way or with a certain object, all those
who betted there split money.
JAY: Interesting. Looking up at the board, I can see that 'kicked in the
crotch' is at 2:1, 'bitch slapped by Melissa' has 3:1 odds, 'chair shot to
head' is at even odds... and 'gutted with tuna skinner' is at 8:1! There's
many, many more of them up there, including 'stuck by lightning' which is
at 250:1... so there's a lot of people hoping that Mason gets the tar beat
out of him tonight.
MELVILLE: Yes we're fully expecting it.
JAY: Don Melville, thank you very much for taking the time to chat with us
as we now send you to the Hard Rock Cafe where the lovely Kimberly Cantrell
is standing by.
[The camera shot changes over to Kimberly Cantrell in the Hard Rock Cafe, and
she is standing in front of a dart board, where every number on the dart
board has been replaced either by the name of Iron or Mason, as well as a
various body part.]
Kimberly: Thanks once again, Mackey. And it seems like our the gang here at
the Hard Rock are trying to do you one better.
Kimberly: As you guys can see behind me, they've designed what they call the
Atlanta Voo-doo board, and we've got someone here who is going to explain it
for us.
[An older gentleman in about his late 30's with a grey beard and fairly short
hair steps into the shot.]
Kimberly: And you are Dave, right?
Dave: That's me...
Kimberly: And you guys designed this special labelling system for tonight.
Dave: That we did.
Kimberly: Would you like to explain how it works?
Dave: Well, it's for local charity. What we do, is we charge you one dollar
per throw. And as you can see all the board spaces have been labelled.
We've got..
[He points to one of the labels on the board.]
Dave: Iron's head....
[He points to another label.]
Dave: Mason's knee...
[He then points to a third spot.]
Dave: Iron and Mason's balls...
Kimberly: Not pulling any punches here are we?
Dave: We were going to label Mason's head, but nobody figured it'd do any
good.
Kimberly: And how does this work..
Dave: Well, we've got a guy who works over at the Georgia dome...and he's
there tonight.... so we've been keeping a running total for every time a
various body organ is hit on the board.
Dave: Then here in about three minutes, we're supposed to pass on the big
winner to Michael over in the dome, and he's going to tell Melissa or
Thrasher, if he can get back there, that if they connect with the right
organ, then everything in the collection plate...
[The camera slides around to show an old fishtank filled with various one
dollar bills.]
Dave: Goes to the charity of the bar's choice.
[The camera then slides back to Kimberly Cantrell.]
Cantrell: It looks like a lot is riding on Melissa and Thrasher have a lot
of people looking forward to this, and with that guys, we send it back to you
there in the studio.
[The camera shot changes to the ring where Johnny Calhoun is standing.]
MR: A lot of money riding on tonight's main event!
SB: And they're giving it to charity!
MR: What's the matter Sam?
SB: That money should be going to a worthwhile cause!
MR: Such as...
SB: The Sam Bradley Fund! For overworked underpaid wrestling anouncres.
Calhoun: The following contest is for the WORLD WRESTLING ORGANIZATION WORLD
TAG TEAM TITLES!!!
[The crowd erupts in a huge explosion for the title match announcement.]
Calhoun: This match is a four corner elimination match! The only way to be
eliminated is to have one member of the team pinned, until only one team
remains in the ring!
SB: And that's going to be Uncivil Disobedience!
MR: That remains to be seen.
Calhoun: Introducing the first team...
["Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana fills the arena, as does a crowd
pop. As the percussion in the song picks up, red and blue fireworks
erupt from either side of the entrance, and out step "Iceman" Michael Ice and
"Red Hot" Alex Perkins, collectively known as Fire and Ice.]
Calhoun: Hailing from Detroit, Michigan and San Diego California, at a total
combined weight of 540 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, "RED HOT" ALEX PERKINS,
"ICEMAN" MICHAEL ICE...
[ The duo make their way to the ring, with severe looks of focus and
dedication on their faces. Ice wears a rather large brace on his knee, but
other than that,
both wrestlers are wearing their regular wrestling attire. Ice and
Perkins slide into the ring under the bottom ropes and raise their arms
high into the air, as red and blue fireworks erupt from the entranceway
and the ringposts. Ice grabs a microphone from the ring attendant, and
pauses for the monster crowd reaction to die down.]
MI: Ladies and gentlemen... _FIRE AND ICE ARE IN DA HOUSE!!!_
[POP!]
MI: You see, we did exactly what we said we were going to do. We went
out there, night in and night out, and by God, we earned this spot in
this match.
[Pop!]
AP: Yeah, and you really earned this spot, Michael.
MI: Thanks for reminding me. Actually, the knee isn't hurting too bad
right now. It's right at about 95%. But, ladies and gents, a focused
Michael Ice at 95% is better than most wrestlers at 100%. And with my
long-time partner Alex standing behind me, we've got as good a chance
as any at winning this thing.
MI: Search and Destroy. You two are the champs. And until you two are
eliminated, you will remain the champs. However, we hold no alliances
with you. We don't trust you, and we don't really much like you either.
But, we expect a good, clean, hard fought match.
MI: Armed Forces. You two are good old American boys, like we once were.
However, all good things must come to an end. If we were to trust any
team in this match, it would be you two. However, expect no mercy, and
neither will we. We want you two to fight with everything you've got.
MI: And finally... Uncivil Disobedience. Guys, live in the present. Yes,
You dominated us in the past. However, now, it's our turn for revenge. And
guys, we _will_ get out revenge. As Mike Sebastian would say...
... You can take _that_ to the bank.
AP: Now, guys, let's get this shindig started, eh?
[Pop! Ice throws the mic out of the ring.]
Calhoun: And the second team in this tag team encounter... hails from
Omaha--
[A deafening crowd pop drowns out the ring announcer's voice. "The
Marine's Hymn" begins to play but is also difficult to hear over the
Noise of the crowd. The curtain flies open to reveal four men, one in an
Army fatigue, one in a Navy sailor's uniform, one in Air Force flight gear
And one dressed as a Marine march out side by side, each holding a United
States flag his each respective military branch's emblem on it. The
Men march to the end of the aisle before sprinting in circles around the
ring, holding their flags high. The Armed Forces, NavCom and DefCon, emerge
from the curtain in their usual attire. The cheering continues.]
Calhoun: From Omaha, Nebraska... ladies and gentlemen, at a combined
weight of six-hundred and nine pounds...
[NavCom and DefCon come down the aisle high-fiving all sorts of fans.
NavCom removes his hat and heaves it far into the sea of fans. When the
Forces arrive at ringside, they begin to search around underneath the apron.]
Calhoun: ...the United States military's representatives to
Professional wrestling, the defenders of the free world, and tonight's second
challenger, NavCom... DefCon... THE ARRRRRRRRMED FORCES!
[The crowd sings along with Calhoun's call of the "Armed Forces" as Nav
and Def pull two boxes out from underneath the apron and open the first
one up. It reveals two baseball gloves and a ball. The crowd laughs
as
the two life-long friends play catch at ringside right in front of the
announcer's table. The flag bearers stand in the on the apron next to
each turnbuckle.]
MR: And, apparently, the Forces trying to get loose here in the
bullpen?
SB: Damn fools is what we're dealing with here. I hope the ref
confiscates those as foreign objects.
[The Forces stop playing catch and hand the baseball gloves to two
young children at ringside. NavCom throws the ball as far as he can into the
nosebleed section of the arena as DefCon gets the other box. He picks
it up and the Forces walk together to the announcer's table. NavCom grabs
the ring microphone. The crowd draws silent as DefCon walks up to
tower over the seated Sam Bradley.]
NC: Y'know, everyone knows that it's no secret that Sam here doesn't care
much for us. So we thought that we'd try to, uh... use the powers of
persuasion to bring him around.
[The crowd cheers as Bradley cowers away by slumping in his chair.]
NC: We don't think that Sam really cares much for our country, so we're going
to give him three good reasons to. Def?
[DefCon reaches into the box and pulls out a pie. Bradley begins to shake
his head as if to beg off. Big pop!]
NC: It's time you see the light, Sammy.
[DefCon pulls the pie back as Bradley ducks and puts his hands up to protect
himself from the pie in the face. While Bradley closes his eyes, DefCon
unwraps the tin foil on top of the pie pan.]
NC: Baseball, the Armed Forces, and...
[DefCon sets the pan down and pulls out two forks and some paper plates
and sets them on the table.]
NC: ...and apple pie. What could be more American? Enjoy, Mick and
Sam.
[Bradley looks visibly embarrassed as DefCon pats him on top of the
head. The crowd laughs excitedly and then cheers. The Forces head to the
ring and salute their four flag bearers who, in unison, slam the flagsticks
into slots on the corners of the turnbuckle poles. Each flag hangs
limp as the Forces stand in the center of the ring as the lights go off and
patriotically-colored fireworks explode near the ceiling above them!
Huge crowd pop!]
MR: [between bites of apple pie] The Forces have got Atlanta rockin'
Here tonight!
SB: This pie tastes like somebody [BEEP] in it.
MR: That's your second slice in the last three minutes!
[Maintenance men come to remove the flags from the ringposts, but the
flag bearers quickly step in front and explain that they'll handle it. They
grab their flags and march in time out of the arena.]
[ "Da Punk" by Daft Punk begins to play and out walks UCD. Rax and
Firm are in their usual attire, and they walk down to the ring with
smiles on their faces.]
Calhoun: Ladies and gentlemen, now coming down the aisle at a total
combined weight of five hundred pounds!!!! Hailing from Downtown
Canada and Washington D.C., RAX JUSTICE and THE FIRM, together they are the
team of UNCIVIL DISOBEDIENCE!!!
[The entire crowd begins to boo with the announcement of UCD.
Justice and Firm get to the ring where they begins a sparring session
with one another in preparation for the fight. The two then get into
the ring where they immediately get into a shouting match with Fire and
Ice. ]
MR: And the fireworks starting early here tonight!!
[The sound of air raid sirens fill the arena as the Lancaster Bomber
steps out onto the ramp much to the delight of the packed house in Columbus.
The two time former WIF Heavyweight Champion is dressed in jeans with a
Hall of Fame polo shirt on in his hand is a wireless microphone]
Bomber: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the
final team in the Search & Destroy Invitational 4 Corners Tag Team
Title Match!! Coming to you all the way from Sydney, Australia at a combined
weight of 605 pounds, the World's Greatest Tag Team of all Time, the
Dazzling Duo from Down Under .... ladies and gentlemen, here are your
World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, SEARCH & DESTROY!!!
[The crowd go wild as out from under the entrance step the two
Australians accompanied by the Hoodoo Gurus 'Mine'. Search & Destroy dressed
in
Their old style trunks of jet black with flashes of brilliant blue red,
yellow, green and red. The two men have matching face paint of the same
design.
They stand with their arms raised to acknowledge the crowd, each hold
One of the straps above their heads. As 'Mine' plays the voice of Mohammed
Ali can be heard with his 'I Am the Greatest' catch phrase in the back
ground]
Search: HELLO COLUMBUS!! [huge crowd pop] We'd like to welcome you all
To the first ever Search & Destroy Invitational 4 Corners Tag Team Title
Match. We're gonna make damn sure that this sick old beast known as the
WWO Tag Team Division has some new life breathed in it tonight.
Destroy: We've lined up the three teams that are currently displaying
The best form and we're going to beat each and every one of them to regain
Our title and make sure that this division does in fact become the envy of
each and every federation around the world.
SB: You lined them up? I think you've got to give credit to Vince!
MR: Are they admitting that they're responsible for the hooded individual?
Search: Now the time for talk is over, its now SEARCH & DESTROY TIME!!!!!!!!
[the crowd pop again as the two men make their way towards the ring]
MR: All right!!! We've got all four teams in the ring ready to go!
SB: I still can't believe the US government only has enough money for
one apple pie.
MR: Sam stop licking the pie dish! Okay it looks as though this match
has broke into little faction, as Fire and Ice and UCD glare each other
down and Search and Destroy share some words for each member of the
Armed Forces.
SB: Well if routing for the Aussie's is what it's going to take to get
rid of the Village People then I'm all for it.
MR: You'd never root for Search and Destroy.
SB: Only until I get this damn song out of my head. They've stuck it
there...
MR: Cordon is now ordering F&I and UCD out of the ring as it looks
like Search and NavCom will start things off.
SB: Yeah and Firm still mocking Ice about that dumb knee. They're not
even in the match and UCD all ready has the psychological edge.
MR: Search and Navcom circling around the ring sizing each other up.
SB: More like running scared from each other.
MR: Okay they look ready to go at it. Both men go in for a lockup
and... they just stop.
SB: See neither man wants to get invovled in any sort of contact.
MR: You may be right, it might be a good strategy from the teams to
stay as rested as possible. Search with a smile across his face and
now Search tags in Perkins and NavCom with a slap to the face of Firm
tagging in him as well.
SB: Just like those cowards to run scared!
MR: And the Fire and Ice and Uncivil Disobedience team can't believe this!
SB: Believe it! They're cowards at heart.
MR: And Firm complaining to the official, and he's saying it's a tag!
SB: It was not... it was a slap to the face! There's a difference.
MR: Well now we have Perkins and Firm in the ring and we know that
these two will have no problems getting into it.
SB: Just like the past, it will be all UCD.
MR: Firm and Alex exchanging words now. Firm with a slap to the face!
They lockup, side headlock by Alex. Firm whips him into the ropes,
SHOULDER BLOCK by Alex. Firm back up and off the ropes, Alex with a
drop toe hold on him followed by a ankle lock.
SB: Okay guys just calm down, just remember what got you here.
MR: That would be cheating.
SB: Yeah, hey wait a minute!
MR: Alex releases the hold now and begins to kick Firm in the back.
Now he picks him up and whips him into the S & D corner. Alex follows
with a lariat and then slaps the hand of Destroy.
SB: The poor baby still won't go in the ring.
MR: Well Destroy wasn't looking to get in the ring, but Alex with the
tag and now a reluctant S & D member in the contest. Destroy planting
Firm with lefts and rights in the ring. Now he hooks the man up and a
hip toss out of the corner. He goes over to tag DefCon in now and
DefCon accepts the tag. Destroy send Firm into the ropes and a DOUBLE
BACK BODY DROP!
SB: Hey, its supposed to be every team for themselves, not four on
two!
MR: It looks like we have an Aussie American Connection here! I'll
scratch your back you scratch mine.
SB: Who'd what to touch those dingos backs, plus they're not playing
by the rules they're supposed to hate each other.
MR: Whatever the case may be Firm is reeling from that move. Now Def
has him up and slams him back down to the mat. Def off the ropes and
down with an elbow drop. Cover by Def, ONE, TW kickout by Firm. Def
pulls the man up by his hair, goes over and gets the tag from Search.
SB: More cheating.
MR: I fails to see how this is cheating. Def now sends Firm into the
AF corner, then he takes Search and whips him into the corner...BIG
SPLASH by Search. Justice in the ring now sent down by DefCon. The
alliance seems to have control here.
SB: Yeah while Fire and Ice sit and do nothing.
MR: Well they don't have to do anything until they are called upon.
Now Search with Firm, he picks the man up and drops his throat off the
top rope. He kicks Firm a couple of times before picking the man up
and whipping him into the ropes. Back Body Drop coming up...NO...Firm
with a kick to the head! And Search goes down.
SB: Now is the opportunity boys, you got to take it.
MR: Firm goes over and tags in Destroy?
SB: No Firm wrong way!
MR: Obviously the UCD gang didn't read the rules of the match. And
now look at Firm he's ordering Destroy into the ring. Destroy just
stands there with a huge grin on his face shaking his head. Search now
creeping behind Firm.
SB: Behind you!
MR: Search with a roll up! ONE, TWO, THR...NO that was close! Search
picks the man up...INSIDE CRADLE by Firm! ONE, kickout. Search
immediately to his feet. Thumb to the eyes by Firm, and Firm gets the
tag made to Ice.
SB: Vacation's over guys.
MR: Ice hops into the ring and starts trading off punches with Search.
Ice with a kick to the stomach, grabs Search and whips him into the
ropes Ice comes charging in Lariat misses Search off the ropes again.
Search with a lariat and Ice ducks, Ice with a kick to the midsection
and a DDT!! Ice with a cover ONE, TWO, save by DefCon.
SB: Now they're protecting each other.
MR: Ice not to happy with that. He picks up Search and leds him into
Fire and Ice territory. Search with no where to go now is getting
pummeled by lefts and right from Ice.
SB: Beginning of the end for the champs.
MR: That's what we may be seeing here folks. Ice now with a tag to
Alex. Both men now whip Search into the ropes. Both men with a kick
to the midsection into a DOUBLE SNAP SUPLEX! Perkins with the pin, Ice
over to hold off the Armed Forces! ONE, TWO, save by Destroy.
SB: They're coming from all directions!
MR: That's a good strategy, they'll see who the best man is at the end
of the match when it's mono a mono. Ice over and belts Destroy both
men over the top rope. Perkins in a heated conversation with the ref
about the interference. Search showing signs of life now crawling to
the UCD corner. Justice extending his hand and....
SB: Yes! Make him suffer.
MR: Search was just about to tag in and both UCD members jumped off
the apron avoiding the tag! Perkins now pulls over Search to the
center of the ring. Alex grabs the man by the throat and picks the man
up. Now Alex has the arm of Search and wrenches it into an armbar.
Search in tremendous pain.
SB: Well they thought they'd just waltz right in here and win this
match. Looks like they'll have to put some more work into it.
MR: Alex now pulling down hard on that arm. Goes over now and tags in
Ice. Ice now on the second turnbuckle down on the arm. Search drops
to the canvas. Ice picks the man, bear hug into a BELLY TO BELLY
SUPLEX! Now Search desperately needs a tag.
SB: This one's all but over for the champs who'd have thought the
champs would be the first to go.
MR: Ice again picks Search off the ground electing not to cover him.
Ice hoists Search up and plants him with a Tombstone piledriver! Ice
with the cover ONE, TWO, THREE!!!
SB: Yes!! The champs are gone!!
MR: NO NO!!! Search with a shoulder up!! Ice covers the man again,
ONE, TWO, save by NavCom. Ice is beside himself. Now the ref trying
to get the Naval officer back to his corner.
SB: And Ice better watch his back!
MR: Indeed, Justice from behind! He clips Ice from behind on that bad
knee. Ice drops down in pain. Perkins now in the ring and he's cut
off by the official. Justice now drags Search to his corner and tags
himself in!
SB: Genius pure genius!!!
MR: Justice now continuing the assault on the knee, viciously
stomping on Ice's knee! Justice off the ropes drops his knee down on
that bad knee. Justice picks up the leg and begins to kick away at the
back of the knee.
SB: C'mon guys break it in two!
MR: Justice trying to do just that! He picks Ice up, KNEEBREAKER!
Ice just writhing in pain! Now Justice trying to take that brace off!
SB: It's just a strap here and a clip there, Rax!
MR: I can't believe you're encouraging this Sam?!
SB: Well its simple really I once wore a brace similiar to that one I
thought Raxx could use some pointers....
MR: Now Justice has the brace off, and he's using it as a weapon
beating Ice with his own brace. Cordon quickly over though to grab it
away from him. Rax then grabs Ice and throws him over the top rope to
the floor.
SB: It will only get worse over there.
MR: Rax now has Perkins trying to get in the ring, the offical is
distracted. Firm has got a chair!!!! And Firm with a viscious shot
down on the knee of Ice. Firm now rolls Ice into the ring, and Rax
back on the assault. Rax grabs Ice's legs and a FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK.
ICE NOW SCREAMING IN PAIN!
SB: He broke his leg I heard a crack. C'mon Iceman give it up!
MR: Ice's leg isn't broken but it might become a strong possibility if
this hold is on any longer. Ice is refusing to give up though.
SB: You have no chance Ice give it up. They dominated you before and
they will always continue to dominate you.
MR: Ice's shoulders are on the mat. ONE, TWO, shoulder up! Ice
trying to reach the ropes. Shoulder's down again. ONE, TWO shoulder
up! Ice now sitting up, now Ice with a shot to the head of Rax.
SB: Don't lose him guys!
MR: Another shot by Ice. And another that one broke the hold. And
another shot puts Rax flat to the canvas. Ice trying to get himself up
by use of the ropes while Rax gets up. Rax charging and Ice ducks
bringing the ropes with him. Rax all the way to the floor. Ice is
almost out of it he dives and slaps Destroy on the boot before falling
to the floor himself. The ref's going to allow that to be a tag! Ice
is down and he looks hurt!
SB: How can the ref call that a tag, he's discriminating this match
against UCD!!!
MR: Perkins now around to check out Ice. Ice is in tremendous pain!
Perkins now helping Ice up, and now he's helping to the back. I guess
Fice and Ice are done for tonight.
SB: What an idiot Perkins wasting an opportunity for greatness just
for the sake of his partner.
MR: Whatever the case is, we are down to just three teams left in the
match!
SB: Now that Snowman and Firefly chickened out.
MR: I guess Ice wasn't accurate when he said his knee was close to
100%. Anyhow Destroy has waited for Rax to get back in the ring. The
two lockup now and Justice is pushed to the ground. Justice back up
with a right hand! BLOCKED by Destroy! Another right hand is also
blocked by Destroy! Destroy now with a right of his own followed by a
big HEADBUTT! Down goes Rax! Destroy tags in to NavCom and the
freshly rested Armed Forces and S & D looking to take advantage.
SB: And cheat UCD out of the titles!
MR: Nav waiting for Rax to stand up, dropkick right to the face of
Rax, and here comes Firm and he gets a dropkick as well. DefCon now in
the ring working on Firm with his partner and now S & D in there as
well working over Rax. Both members of UCD now in opposite corners
double Irish Whip and both men smack right into one another!
SB: Illegal teamwork by the Aussie's and the glory boys putting UCD in
serious trouble.
MR: It appears you're right Sam. Firm rolls out of the ring, and all
the other members leave too. Its now NavCom and Rax again. Nav with
an uppercut now a European one, Rax in the corner. Nav up and monkey
flips Rax to the center of the ring. Nav over and tags in DefCon. Def
whips Rax into the ropes and picks the man up in a Military Press and
slams the man down onto the canvas. Def off the ropes now and down
with the legdrop. The crowd is going nuts!!!
SB: C' mon guys if anyone can fend off a four on two attack its you.
MR: It might be too late, DefCon pointing to the ceiling, he tags
Search. Search climbs to the top. Def grabs Rax and powerbombs him
into the mat!!! And Search with a TOP ROPE SPLASH!!!! Its the Storm
over Normandy!!
SB: More like Aussie Over Normandy, there trading each others moves
now!
MR: Search with the cover here comes Firm! DefCon send Firm and
himself over the top! ONE, TWO, THREE!!!
SB: No, its not fair, its just not fair!
Calhoun: UNCIVIL DISOBEDIENCE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
MR: Well we've got a Aussie American Finals! Def and Firm still
battling on the outside. Search raises his hands over the fallen Rax
Justice and.... wait a minute!
SB: What's he doing back?
MR: Alex Perkins racing down to the ring area! He slides into the
ring, Search's back is turned he doesn't see him. Perkins grabs
Search's neck, inverted DDT. That's the FIRECRACKER. The Firecracker
on Search, Perkins covers, Destroy trying to get in the ring is being
held by Rax. ONE, TWO, THREE!!!
SB: NEW CHAMPS!!!! NEW CHAMPS!!!!
MR: Not quite yet...
SB: Try again, Mickey!
Calhoun: SEARCH AND DESTROY HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!
MR: The Armed Forces and Search and destroy are besides themselves.
They're in disbelief!!
SB: They're not the only ones!
MR: UCD leaving the area now just laughing at S & D. NavCom now
starts pounding away on Perkins as S & D leave the area as well in
pursuit of UCD.
SB: Now if Perkins can just get the upset over the Armed Forces.
MR: When did you become a Fire and Ice fan?
SB: I'm not, I'm just anti-Armed Forces. I mean that pie was probably
poisoned!
MR: Nav continuing to pound away on Perkins. Now he whips him into
the ropes, Back Body Drop. No Perkins saw it and kicked him in the
face and now Perkins...Oh my God!
SB: OUCH!
MR: Perkins with a flush kick square in the groin! No accident on
that one folks. Cordon in his face but Alex pushes him away and begins
choking Nav.
SB: Although, if Alex keeps this up I might take a liking to them.
The Armed Forces were so eagering to throw the ball around here before
the match. Well what's a baseball game without a few batted...
MR: Don't finish that thought. Alex still choking Nav, now he breaks
the hold. Alex now drags the man to the ropes and starts using that as
a choking device. The crowd not appreciative of this at all as they start
to boo Perkins' actions.
SB: And Alex telling them where to go! This is great.
MR: Alex now whipping Nav into the ropes and a big boot right to the
face. Perkins doing it on his own is taking all the short cuts, DefCon
meanwhiles waits for the tag.
SB: And none is forthcoming, anytime soon.
MR: It appears not. Alex now pounding away at NavCom he puts him
between his legs for a powerbomb. No NavCom flipped over Perkins and
dives in FOR A TAG TO DEFCON!!! This place is going nuts!!!
SB: Show them what you've got Alex!
MR: Perkins backing away from DefCon. Def goes in, kick by Perkins
and a shot to the head. Def with one of his own! Now the two are
trading shots! Perkins gets the advantage whips the man into the
corner NO reversed, REVERSED AGAIN, REVERSED FOR A THIRD TIME, and
DefCon sends Perkins flying right into the official. Cordon is down
Perkins right back into DefCon. DefCon grabs Perkins, and THE ICBM
Powerbomb!!! Its over!!! THE COVER!!!
SB: No ref to count. No win for you guys.
MR: Cordon is still down, DefCon still with the pin! Ten, eleven,
twelve. Def has about four pins by now!
SB: Yeah with no ref to count them!
MR: DefCon now picks up Perkins, and slams him into the mat!
SB: And here comes trouble again!
MR: You're right Sam. Here comes that masked man with chair in hand
again down to ringside. The man who originally crippled Michael Ice.
SB: Now he's going for the other man.
MR: Nobody knows he's at ringside. The ref starting to get to his
feet. DefCon now whips Perkins into the ropes!! The masked individual
in the ring! Lariat missed by DefCon. The masked man swings at
Perkins!! PERKINS DUCKS!!! PERKINS DUCKED AND DEFCON GOT HIT SQUARE
IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THAT SHOT!!! the man bails NavCom going
after him. Perkins falls on DefCon, Cordon crawling over!!
ONE..........TWO....... THREE!!!!!!
[Bell sounds]
Calhoun: Ladies and Gentlemen THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH AND NEW WORLD
HEAVYWEIGHT TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. FIRE AND ICEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SB: Yes, yes, yes, yes, the Forces didn't prevail.
MR: Folks we've got new champs. Perkins with both belts in hand.
NavCom still chasing that masked man. Now the masked man in the ring
running past Perkins, NavCom still in pursuit, and.... PERKINS JUST
NAILED NAVCOM WITH THE BELT!!! Perkins saving the man that crippled
his partner! Perkins just looks at the man and now the two of them are
beating on the Armed Forces TOGETHER!!!
SB: I'm confused!
[ Out of the back comes UCD, as the crowd begins to boo the cheap shot by
Perkins and the mystery man. ]
MR: Well these guys can't be too happy with the Fire and Ice victory!
SB: Maybe Perkins will have his first title defense?
MR: UCD in the ring yelling at the masked man.
SB: I think they're telling him to stop hiding behind the mask.
MR: And what's he doing? He's pulling off the mask and it's oh my....
SB: Now I'm really confused!
MR: ITS MICHAEL ICE!! ICE WAS NEVER INJURED ITS ALL A FACADE!!!
SB: If the masked guy injured Ice then how is he Ice?
MR: UCD just smiling at the new champs and now all four pounding away
at the Armed Forces!!
SB: Okay Fire and Ice with UCD, maybe I should quit while I'm ahead!
MR: Here comes Search and Destroy out of the back folks we have a
brawl on our hands. It looks like the Allied Forces vs a newly formed
UCD!
SB: Okay Fire and Ice hate UCD but now they're together! Bennington
was UCD and he hated Ice but now Ice is with UCD. Is Ice now with
Bennington too?
MR: Sam, you should have quit while you were ahead! Security now in
the ring pulling the groups away from each other. Ice grabs his belt
and points to it mocking S & D and the Armed Forces as Fire and Ice and
UCD leave the ring area together.
SB: The Ultimate Swerve of _all_ swerves!! I love it!! Search and Destroy
thought they all but handed the belts over to the numnutz!!!
MR: That's the Nimitz.
SB: Like I said, the numnutz.
[ The scene cuts back over to the pub where Mackey Jay is standing in the
middle of the room, which is filled with jeers and boos, a few bowls of
popcorn flying overhead. People are mostly seated, some wave and goof off
for the camera, some just pass by casually ]
JAY: Well folks, this wholly Australian partisan crowd is not having a good
night, as the Hall of Famers are 0 for 2, with Search and Destroy losing
the belts to Fire and Ice in a very controversial fashion, but
nevertheless, the spirits are very high here in anticipation for the big
main event which is just around the corner...
[ Jay turns around to look at the crowd ]
JAY: How many of you think the Ultimate Thrasher is going to win?
[ The bar crowd screams out their approval in unison, showing their support
for the World Champion ]
JAY: And how many think Iron is going to pull this one off?
<continued in part 4>
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Tommy Boy: I've got a plan!
Richard: YIKES!!!
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