[WWO] Source 03/18/01
Someone Important
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PRESENTS...
THE SOURCE
VOLUME 3, ISSUE 6
MARCH 18, 2001
In This Issue:
The Source of Anxiety..........................................Mike Horan
Rumors.........................................................Rumor Will
Showcase Review..............................................Gary Hammond
The WWO's Hot Five/The Year's Hot Ten...................Kimberly Campbell
Stringing 'Em Up, Volume 5............."The Problem Child" Chris Stringer
An Opinion To Be Heard.......................................James Knight
Showcase Preview.............................................Gary Hammond
WWO Scouting Report..................................Dr. Mal Practice, MD
This Week In WWO History.....................................Gary Hammond
The Source of Relief...........................................Mike Horan
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE SOURCE OF ANXIETY
by Mike Horan
Hello and welcome to another edition of The Source. And a happy St.
Patrick's weekend to you...even if you're not Irish, this Irishman gives you
permission to get bombed on Guinness or Harp or Killarney's :)
Another solid edition of Showcase....maybe it was lacking in the ***** match
department, but it did what weekly cards are supposed to...build heat for
the PPVs. I'm really glad the tournaments are finally kicking into high
gear...filler matches suck!
Thanks to Dale Willits, Josh Yetman, Jeremy Steigerwald and Tommy Poe for
sending articles this week. Mark Stone and Dave Olvera didn't, but what the
hell, those two lunkheads deserve a break ever so often too. :)
And on with the show....
---------------------------------------------
RUMORS
by Rumor Will
-The WWO may be taking on a small regional federation as a minor league. The
kicker? This fed is connected with none other than WWO founder Matt Pearson
-"Smooth as Silk" Miguel Quesada and Tigress are having a torrid love
affair, irritaing Cristine, Apex and Dark Soul to no end, as well as most
people with two eyes.
-The bounty on Johnny Detson was placed by Eric Stryker....who else has that
kind of money?
-President Stone was unhappy with Stonebreaker forcing him to overturn his
decision to remove UCD from the tag team tournament. Could we be seeing a
change in commissioners?
-Mickey Ralph will not be hosting ReWind this week, due to his attending a
gay wedding in Florida.
-Cherry Bomb's first Playboy pictoral will hit the stands in May, with more
WWO divas to follow
-Look for the Washington PPV to be given a subtitle of "Dirty Politics"
-Ultimate Thrasher's epic concert tour will begin in Des Moines, Iowa and
conclude two nights later in Davenport
-Union Jack is not English, but rather a former Swedish Bikini Team member
with a haircut
-The FDA raided the Kevorkian Institute due to a potential lawsuit against
Dr. Ow
-Andrew "Flash" Tucker's accent isn't due to place of birth, but a birth
defect only just revealed
-Sean Eden will run a gauntlet against Ric Studd, Andros and Colossus....and
will lose them all.
-Rumors of Dark Soul changing his name to Quesada Lite are unfounded
-Glen Peeps may become a full-time wrestler for a future tag team
-Holy Roller's boycott has proceeded moderately well, with Proctor & Gamble
joining...but P&G backed off following a talk with WWO offices
-The WWO may be starting its own baseball league next winter
-- Operation Scorched Earth is reportedly looking to expand by at least
one member, maybe two. Chris Stringer may have more to say about this on
Live Mike.
-- Chris Stringer is said to be enthralled with the seeding that
potentially has him meeting up with Apex in the WWO World Title Tournament.
-- A Major Damage/Behemoth/Dark Soul feud may happen due to the events of
last week's Showcase in Buffalo.
---------------------------------------------
SHOWCASE REVIEW
by Gary Hammond
-Some people just don't know how to make signs. I mean, what the fuck is
"APEX + TOP OF THE WWO" supposed to mean? And does it really take a
Mensa-level IQ to spell "chaotic" right?
-We're LIVE from the City of Big Chokers, Buffalo NY. Your hosts are Sam and
Mick.
-U-T-D! OY! OY! IT'S U-T-D! OY!....okay, enough with the jokes, UTD is down
here, and Detson demands to know the status of the World title
tournament....and cue the enterance of Stone. He says there'll be a six-man
match to determine the #1 seed tonight, and UTD will be represented....but
by Thrasher, not Detson, since Detson is already scheduled to fight Eden.
Detson will get the #2 seed IF (snicker) he beats Eden. Detson is pissed at
the idea of Thrasher being above him, and out comes Tyrone. He invites
himself into the six-man match, and Stone responds by putting Nate Knowitall
in as well, god knows why....and partners him up with Lexy! Ooh, good one.
Tyrone is just as pissed as Detson now. Apex is then added to the
Lex/Knowitall team, and he comes out and does his usual funny spiel, hoping
he can talk to Lexy about their son. Out comes Stringer, who demands to be
in the match since Apex is there...and we've got Thrasher/Tyrone/Stringer
vs. Apex/Lex/Knowitall set up. Works fine for me.
-Brief Andrew Tucker locker room promo, then....
-Cruiserweight title tournament match-Andrew "Flash" Tucker vs. Chris
Johnson: Calhoun announces this as a "Cruiserweight title match". Uh, I
don't think we've quite reached the finals yet. Johnson brings the UKELELE
OF DOOM~! and sings "We are the Champions", drawing big heel heat. Oops, so
much for him as the next top-tier face. Johnson misses an Idiot Charge
right away, and Tucker goes to town with punches, a spinning heel kick, a
chop and an excellent flying hurricanrana. Johnson bails, and Tucker goes
for a tope and misses....but skins the cat back into the ring without
Johnson noticing, then hits a plancha. That....was.....cool. Johnson hits a
low blow on the outside, though, and back in the ring takes control with a
rolling necksnap, then slaps on the Canadian Crab. Uh....a little early in
the match for this, don't you think?
-Tucker finally makes the ropes, as CJ taunts the crowd just to timewarp us
back to 1998. Russian Legsweep, elbowdrop, cover gets two. CJ argues the
count letting Tucker recover, and slugfest ensues. Sam yells "YOU'RE GAY,
MICKEY!" for the first time tonight. Whip to the corner from Johnson, but
Tucker hits a handspring elbow off the top and CJ bleeds hardway from the
mouth, then bails again. Tucker follows him out and press-slams him on the
railing, then Tornado DDTs him on the floor. Back in the ring, cover gets 2
1/2, but Tucker then gets caught in a flying bodypress and powerslammed.
What's with all the power moves? Johnson prepares to go for the Future is
Here, but enter Thrasher. He taunts Johnson, allowing Tucker to recover, and
CJ turns around into the Chronic Jumble Jaw, finis. Well, that was about
half as long as I'd hoped. Rating: **
-Thrasher attacks Johnson after the match. CJ fights back (and Thrasher
actually sells his punches) but Detson then comes down to make it
two-on-one. Johnson eats the Power Chord Slam and Tyrone comes down to make
it three-on-one....but instead attacks Thrasher, then slugs it out with
Detson before Thrash pulls Detson out of the ring. HUGE face pop for that,
as the crowd forgets CJ's heelish behavior during the match. I guess CAT and
UTD are going to war now. Again, fine by me.
-Enter the Romanis, they con a Vegas Connection mark and his woman out of
their seats. On behalf of VC marks everywhere, I protest.
-"Loverboy" Joshua Lachance (w/Lilith) vs. Major Damage (w/General Mayhem,
Private Peeps and Special Weapon Bomb): Okay, so what's the official
military term for "squash"? Lachance attacks before the bell, but Damage
no-sells and goes to work with various elbows, punches and kicks, then
clotheslines him over and out. Lachance reenters and ducks a clothesline
before coming back with a dropkick, but Damage again no-sells and hits a
clothesline, then a takeover suplex. Sam rips off my "Lachance=Nochance"
line, as Damage applies a cross armbar submission. Lachance makes the ropes,
but Damage doesn't let go until the full five-count. More punches and
forearms, and Lachance gets clotheslined to the floor once again. Cherry
distracts the ref while Peeps and Mayhem put the boots to Lachance. I really
wish they'd just keep the cameras on Cherry, it's not like Lachance is going
to do anything. Peeps menaces Lilith, and gets ballshotted for it. You know,
Peeps should wrestle, he could actually teach a lot of WWOers a thing or two
about selling and taking bumps. Back into the ring, Damage hits a running
fist to the face and covers, but Lachance kicks out at two to prolong the
carnage. Throatslam suplex, that should do it....nope, Lachance kicks out at
2 1/2. Damage goes up high, but winds up missing, uh....a diving headbutt (I
think). Great, more filler.
-LaChance hits a dropkick, a flying double axehandle and a series of
punches, and Damage sells them in a "Oops, I believe you may have hit me"
manner that almost makes Behemoth look like Chris Johnson. Almost. Damage
finally decides he's had enough of this crap, and chokes LaChance out before
hitting a couple of elbows, and then a SWEET spinebuster from the top.
Lachance is dead, but somehow kicks out yet again at 2 4/5. General Mayhem
yells at Damage, letting Lachance hit a low blow which he actually sells,
then the Love Tap which sends Damage to the outside, but he lands on his
feet. LaChance hits a flying bodypress to the outside, but Mayhem uses the
FLAGPOLE OF DOOM~! on him, and back in the ring Damage hits a backbreaker,
then sends Lachance FLYING with a wheelbarrow suplex. Cherry jumps on the
apron to try and let Mayhem give Damage the flagpole, but Lilith intercepts
and hits Damage in the leg before Damage can grab it away from her.....but
Lachance clips his knee, then hits the Coup de pied en reverse lateraux.
Lachance hits the Lovebird Splash and goes for the pin, but Cordon is
distracted by a shoving match between the two sluts on the floor. When he
makes the count, Damage kicks out with _authority_ at one. Lachance argues
with Cordon, then turns around right into the Dead Zone,and taps out in
about half a second. Cherry Bomb hits Lilith with the flagpole after the
match and Damage keeps the hold applied for about a minute after the bell,
just for fun. Not bad, but not great. Rating: **
-Nate Knowitall does an odd promo with Mackey Jay, who informs him that he's
in the six-man match.
-Falls Count Anywhere-Uncivil Disobedience vs. Kai-Lin Collective: UCD gets
on the stick before the match, and Rax does a hilarious ranting promo in
which he slips "my big fucking gun" past the censors. They emphasize how
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDMUTHACCCCCFOOOOIKIOOOOOOOOONGRRRRRRRRR
RREEEEEE Kai-Lin is, to a face pop. Sam yells "YOU'RE GAY, MICKEY!" for the
second time. Spectre and Rax start off, and Rax tries to sucker him by
making Sicoli check him, only to get caught and choked, which Rax breaks
with a kick to the cock-n-balls. Tag to Firm, kicks and chops, running elbow
in the corner, tag to Rax, double suplex. Rax spits in Annubis' face, but
gets thrown to the floor. Spectre pulls him back up to the ring apron, but
Rax snaps his neck on the top rope, then slingshots back into the ring with
a cool crossbody for one. A slap from Rax, then UCD does a hilarious little
"I feeeear the dark! Ooooh!" skit in the corner. Turnbuckle smash from Rax,
but Spectre no-sells, and smashes Rax into the buckle twice before throwing
him out to the floor right in front of the Romanis, who douse him with pop
(NOT soda, damn it). Anubis beats up Rax a little more on the outside,
dropping him on the railing. Rax gets thrown back into the ring (yeah, this
stipulation really had a point), and Spectre covers for two. Tag to Anubis,
double shoulderblock, then a backbreaker from Anubis. Cover gets two before
Firm makes the save. Anubis hits an overhead suplex, then a powerslam and
the INFURIATING ENEMY PUMMEL~! Tag to Spectre, and Kai-Lin masterfully hits
the Perdition, which Rax masterfully sells. Cover gets two.
-Rax bails, and Spectre tries to follow, but Sicoli stops him. What, is the
stipulation "FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE, AS LONG AS IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
FUCKING RING!" or something? Anubis attacks Rax on the floor, but Rax
reverses a whip and Firm clotheslines him out there. Rax and Anubis are both
down, and Spectre attacks Firm on the outside, but gets backdropped into the
crowd. Spectre lands on his feet, but then takes a reverse neckbreaker right
on top of the guardrail. Now, THAT'S more like it. Anubis and Rax fight on
the outside, and Rax breaks the IRONING BOARD OF APOCALYPSE~! over Anubis'
head. Firm hits Spectre with the other half of the ironing board, and Final
Justice comes down to the ring, God knows why. Rax swings a chair at Anubis,
but it gets kicked back into his face. Firm DDT's Anubis on the floor. Rax
hits a backbreaker on Spectre, followed by an Alabama Jam from Rax off the
ring apron. Cover from Rax gets two, but Anubis makes the save, then
clotheslines both UCD'ers. Firm gets thrown back into the ring, and Spectre
beats up Rax for awhile on the floor while Anubis hits a back suplex on
Firm. Cover gets two, as Rax reverses a whip on Spectre to turn the tide.
Rax goes back in the ring and hits a standing dropkick, but Anubis no-sells,
and tells him to do another one. Oooh. He does, but Firm clips his legs out
from under him, and UCD then hits a spiked piledriver. Cover by Firm gets 2
1/2, so Rax tries the cover and gets two, then Firm tries it again for two.
Spectre jumps on the ring apron and Rax charges him, but gets backdropped to
the floor in a cool bump. Anubis reverses a gutwrench suplex, and Spectre
then hits a guillotine legdrop on Firm. Rax gets pulled back into the ring,
and nailed with an earringer into a reverse DDT. Damn, that was a cool move.
Cover gets 2 4/5. Anubis goes for a backdrop, only to get caught by Firm,
who then ducks a clothesline by Spectre, but Anubis fires Firm right into
Rax and they bang heads, then Anubis hits a T-Bone suplex for 2 5/6 before
Rax makes the save. Crowd is super-hot, and rightly so.....that was one of
the coolest sequences I've ever seen on free TV. Rax explodes on Anubis with
rights and lefts, and Firm slugs it out with Spectre before UCD hits a
double-whip which gets reversed, but Rax leaps over Firm and hits a Thesz
press on Spectre as Firm clotheslines Anubis. Final Justice suddenly decides
to act, as Valerie distracts the ref while Barney swings a chair at Firm,
but hits Annubis by mistake. Hall doesn't even get to swing his chair, as
Rax catches him with a boot to the midsection, than DDTs him into the chair.
Firm tosses Barney over the top, and UCD hit both Kai-Lin guys with double
chair shots. Anubis gets tossed out of the ring, and goes after Barney and
Hall while UCD hits the Easy Rider on Spectre for the win. Spectre gets hit
with two more chairshots for good measure, and it takes pretty much the
entire Buffalo Bills roster to keep Kai-Lin and Final Justice from going to
war right then and there. That match for the most part ruled, but the
falls-count-anywhere stipulation was made totally irrelevant and unnecessary
apparently just to transfer Kai-Lin's heat onto Final Justice. Which IMO is
a shame.....Kai-Lin make the perfect foils for UCD's myriad pranks, and this
match showed these two teams work well together in the ring. But then, what
do I know. Rating: ***1/2
-Out come the Brothers Grief, who are, needless to say, pissed about how UCD
ran Sparkling Dan over last week (the fact that UCD did that and is still
getting buckets of face heat speaks volumes about both how over UCD is and
how sick the fan base is of Roundhouse and his lackeys, under any
name....the Aussies are in need of a heel turn, but then I've been screaming
for Roundhouse to turn heel for about two years now) Cue the enterance of
Stonebreaker, who informs UCD that they're out of the tag tournament for
their actions, which pisses them off only slightly....and can only get back
in the tournament by beating the Griefs next week. Again, fine by me.
-"The Superior Punching Bag" Sean Eden vs. "Blockbuster" Johnny Detson: Eden
gets no pop, and the crowd almost lynches Detson on his way to the ring.
That's about right. Detson starts with punches, kicks and a bodyslam. Side
suplex gets two before Detson pulls him up just to be a prick. "YOU'RE GAY
MICKEY!" makes its third appearance. Detson slaps him around a little, but
Eden ducks a lariat, then hits a high cross body. Detson gets up first and
hits a double axehandle, then a reverse DDT for two. Director's Cut, flying
elbow, and that should be it....but Eden kicks out at 2 1/2. WHY does the
WWO CONSTANTLY needlessly prolong squash matches like this? Eden has about
as much heat right now as a street in Downtown Canada, he doesn't deserve to
be in the ring for more than a couple minutes. Detson with a cross-corner
whip, and Eden 360s over the top and out to the floor. Detson rams him into
the ringpost a couple of times, then fires him back into the ring and waits
for him to get up before hitting the Grand Finale for the win. Well, maybe I
shouldn't have bitched, I just feared Eden was going to actually get a run
of offense in or something. Total squash here, but deservedly so. Rating:
1/2*
-Big pyro explosion, some guy is shown brooding in the rafters, and then a
ton of "Wanted" posters are shown, with Detson's face on them. I hope and
pray this is the return of Mastermind and not the return of Lancaster
Bomber.
-New Generation (w/Lexus Anderson) vs. Status Quo: Why the hell haven't New
Gen done any promos yet? Are they busy planning with Roberts and Cameron to
form the "Gimmickless Bland White Guys" stable or something? Anyway, no real
need for blow-by-blow here, as the only entertaining thing about this match
is The MAN, who takes forever walking to the ring, then steals a drink from
a fan, then a copy of the Source (hey, he has good reading taste). He yells
at Tom to "BOOTSTRAP IT, BOY!" as he basically takes a shitkicking from New
Gen. They finish him off with the double DDT. Next. Rating: 1/2*
-Behemoth (w/Dr. Jarod Stykes) vs. Dark Soul (w/Candy Malone and John
Collins): Candy....hominahominahomina. Please, let her wear that outfit
forever. Unless she just decides to wear nothing at all. Behemoth has some
sort of flashback at the beginning and just stares at Candy. You can't blame
him for doing that, but it lets DS clip his knee, then DDT him. Elbowdrop,
cover gets one. Headlock, Behemoth pushes off, but DS ducks a clothesline,
then hits a dropkick. WRISTLOCK OF IMPENDING ANNIHILATION~! from Darky, then
a Russian legsweep. Cross-corner whip and Dark Soul Idiot Charges, but gets
clotheslined. Oops. Behemoth chokes him out, then hits a reverse
shoulderbreaker and some stomps. Right hand and big boot from 'moth, cover
gets two. Gorilla press, and Behemoth launches DS halfway to Montreal,
almost literally. Well, actually he just threw him halfway up the aisle.
-Behemoth rolls out and smashes him into the post, then the railing, and DS
juices. Back in the ring, Behemoth throws him around and then hits forearm
smashes in the corner. One-handed chokeslam, and that should be it, but Dark
Soul isn't a cruiserweight, so he gets a foot on the ropes at 2 1/2. The
fact that Dark Soul is OVER as a face might have something to do with that
too, ya think? DS leapfrogs over a backdrop attempt, but gets caught in a
bodypress and gets hit with a fallaway drop slam. He again gets a foot on
the ropes at 2 4/5 though. Collins and Stykes almost fight outside the ring
(hey, it'd probably be a better match than Erickson-Janssen), distracting
Crisper sufficiently for Stykes to slip Behemoth a chair....but DS
intercepts it. He swings, but Behemoth shatters the chair with his fist.
That was, uh, unexpected. Behemoth is distracted enough that Dark Soul is
able to hit some kicks to the legs, then a neckbreaker. Asai moonsault
attempt, but DS lands on the knees of Behemoth. Behemoth goes for the Double
Helix, but DS is able to take him over with a Thesz press. Drop toehold,
then a Texas Cloverleaf from Dark Soul. Geez, this match is boring me.
Behemoth finally makes the ropes, and DS hits more kicks to the leg, then a
kata hajime. Yeah, Behemoth is really gonna pass out or submit. Legsweep
faceslam and DS goes for a figure four, but Behemoth's overwhelming leg
strength pushes him off to the corner. Behemoth charges him, and then bends
Darky's back over before flipping over him to the arena floor. Mick
patronizingly calls it a backdrop for Dark Soul. DS hits the obligatory
spinning heel kick to the floor, and back in the ring Darky hits a
double-arm DDT, then covers for 2 1/2. DS slaps on the Soul Lock, since the
Soul Seeker doesn't work very well on a 400-pounder. Behemoth fights towards
the ropes, but Luke Morningstar attacks Dark Soul, giving him the DQ win.
Stykes doesn't appreciate it, and Behemoth sees Morningstar's military
fatigues and attacks him. Morningstar gets destroyed, but winds up outside
the ring with Behemoth as the rest of Operation Scorched Earth comes down.
Bad news for Dark Soul, I'd say. Major Damage puts DS in the Dead Zone, but
the Quesadas race down to the ring to make the save. Miguel destroys
Stringer, as Dark chases General Damage back to the dressing room. Stringer
bails, with the Quesadas in pursuit, Behemoth LAUNCHES Peeps onto
Morningstar, and Behemoth and General Damage have a faceoff. Damned if the
crowd isn't standing on their seats. Match kind of sucked due to the
incompatible styles, but wasn't nauseatingly bad or anything, and the
booking was good....Behemoth still hasn't come CLOSE to losing cleanly.
Rating: **
-Main Event, #1 World Title seed match: "20 Bux" Nate Knowitall, Apex
(w/Zombie Corners and Apex Jr.) and Latex Lex vs. Tyrone "Purple" Hayes
(w/Todd Johnstone), Ultimate Thrasher (w/Sweet Melissa), and "The Problem
Child" Chris Stringer: Yeah yeah, don't get excited, this will probably be
an overbooked mess. So who will turn on who first? Apex tells Mick to watch
Apex Jr. If I were Apex, I'd be worried about Mick molesting him....but
then, I'm not Apex. Various shoving matches to start, and eventually
Thrasher clotheslines Lex out of the ring, and Knowitall attacks Lex on the
floor, while Apex turns around from a fight with Stringer into a Thrasher
clothesline. Corner whip, but Thrasher Idiot Charges and eats boot from
Apex. Snap suplex from Apex, headlock, tag to Knowitall. Corner whip by
Knowitall, but he eats elbow from Thrasher. Lex is down on the floor, and
Apex goes to help him up to show him his "son". Thrasher pounds on Knowitall
for a bit, then hits a kneedrop. Cover gets one. Tag to Stringer, who hits a
dropkick as Lexy does his best to ignore Apex. Tyrone gets off the ring
apron, and Melissa slaps him to a big pop. I guess having a nice pair of
tits gives you priority as far as face heat goes. Todd tries to go after
Melissa, but Tyrone stops him as Stringer hits a swinging neckbreaker and
covers for one.
-Stringer goes for a scoop slam, but Knowitall reverses into a small package
for two. Knowitall ducks a clothesline, then hits a back kick, then a face
slam. Okay, I give up, what's the joke with Sam calling Knowitall "Joesy"?
Tag to Apex...here we go. He tees off with right hands on Stringer, and hits
a clothesline which Stringer beautifully oversells with a 360. Apex covers,
but Lexy pulls him off at two. Apex and Lex argue, allowing Stringer to hit
an armdrag, then an armwringer, but Apex rakes the eyes, then hits a
cross-corner whip, then a big back heel kick. Apex tries to tag Lex in, but
Knowitall shoves him to the floor, so Apex just tags Nate in instead.
Stringer hits an armdrag and tags Thrasher, but Knowitall ducks a double
clothesline and then hits a double crossbody on both guys. Knowitall whips
Stringer into Thrasher, knocking him out to the floor, then hits a
spinebuster on Stringer as the crowd goes mild. Thrasher finally attacks
Tyrone on the outside, and Stringer tries to separate them...and Apex hits a
somersault splash on all three guys. Wow, that rocked. Apex fires Thrasher
back into the ring, and Operation Scorched Earth attacks Apex on the
outside. Knowitall goes for a bulldog on Thrasher, but Thrasher pushes him
off to the corner, and on the rebound hits the Power Chord Slam. Knowitall
is down and out, but Cordon is preoccupied breaking up the fight on the
floor. CUE THE OVERBOOKING, as Tyrone goes to save Apex and Detson comes
down to the ring, pulling Thrasher off the pin on Knowitall. Major Damage
kayoes Cordon, and Tyrone snake-eyeses Peeps on the ringsteps to a big-ass
pop. Detson orders Thrasher out of the ring, and Miguel Quesada and Dark
Soul come racing to the ring, going after Damage, Mayhem and Morningstar.
Detson and Thrasher throw Stringer into the ring, I guess that was a tag.
Todd tries to hit up Melissa and Cherry Bomb......and they turn around and
double-punch him as the crowd goes APESHIT. Vegas Connection runs down to
the ring and attacks Dark Soul and Quesada. Okay, this is a TOTAL
clusterfuck. Knowitall hits Stringer with a German suplex, but Lex hits his
partner with a flying elbowsmash. Lex tosses Knowitall out of the ring,
Tyrone tosses Stringer out as the war on the floor continues. Apex and
Stringer find each other again, which only helps CaT as Tyrone hits the
FINGERPOKE OF DOOM~! on Lex and covers for the win, making him #1 seed.
Knowitall attacks Lex after the match, and Tyrone can't make the save
because Behemoth chokeslams him off the stage. Lexy and Johnstone
double-team Knowitall, and Lexy slaps on the Oral Lex as Melissa smiles at
Behemoth....and out comes Holy Roller. "The crowd goes wild", is putting it
mildly, as Lexy and Johnstone quickly bail. Match was nonsense, but who the
hell cares when heat was added to so many different angles? I mark for big
brawls like that. Rating: 1/4*
OVERALL:
Weeeeeeeelllllll...
It might be the worst Showcase we've had, wrestling-wise, since the WWO
reopened, but the crowd heat was excellent and I'm sure the ratings were
high. Showcase exists to BUILD angles for PPV, and that's what was done
here. So I'll keep the bitching to a minimum. So should you.
Thumbs up.
---------------------------------------------
"WWO's Hot Five & WWO Hot Ten (as of today)"
commentary, opinions and editing: Kimberly Campbell
Let me start of by thanking those few of you who sent votes in. The rest of
you... trip over something and hurt yourselves. This has been our lowest
turn out week, and I'm not sure our budgeting will continue if we keep this
low level of interest. So vote!
This week's Hot Five:
Honorable Mention: Apex Jr. (3), Major Damage (3)
Number 5: Behemoth
Points: 4
Why him?:...really starting to make his presence felt....and who else have
you seen throw Tyrone Hayes around like a rag doll...possibility of a mildly
interesting feud with Major Damage
Number 4: Operation Scorched Earth
Points: 7
Why them?:...If our military was really this good, we wouldn't have Saddam
to worry about any more...looking to have the upper hand on Dark Soul & Las
Quesadas
Number 3: Holy Roller
Points: 9
Why him?...The anticipation has finally paid off...he scared the S out of
the S&M lover Latex Lex...after weeks of doing those long ass ads on
Showcase, he deserves my vote
Number 2: Uncivil Disobedience
Points: 14
Why them?:...They just rule...reminded everyone why they are...the top tag
team in WWO history...pretty much control the middle of the pack in the tag
team seeds...they are HARDCORE! or something...
Number 1: Tyrone Hayes
Points: 19
Why him?:...Swerved everyone once again to maintain the #1 seed...Who needs
a non-aggression pact?...And suckering everyone in the Contender match...
classic Tyrone antics...he's the next champ-Thrasher, Detson, Apex, and the
others might as well as stay at home
That's that. No big surprises in the list this week. Well, the biggest
surprise was the lack of votes. I plead with you people, vote next week.
Things in the WWO are starting to heat up, and I know that the majority of
you aren't mindless/opinionless fools. Vote!
I had a bit of extra time on my hands, because, well, because I didn't have
to tabulate that many votes. So here's the WWO Hot 10, year to date:
Number 10: Dark Soul
Points: 12
What has he done?: Lost a hard fought match against Chris Stringer. Or,
maybe I should say got robbed of a hard fought win against Chris Stringer.
Introduced the hottest new valet in the WWO, which probably helped out his
entire bid for fame. Week in and week out saves the Quesadas' butts and
seems to be looking towards a couple of interesting feuds.
Number 9: Candy Malone
Points: 14
What has she done?: She's the new sex symbol of the WWO _and_ she isn't a
complete ditz. She's also given Dark Soul the added fan base he needed to
gain a higher status in the WWO. Look for the trio of Dark Soul, Candy
Malone, and John Collins to put out a good showing in the World Title
Tournament and possibly take the gold in the IP Tournament.
Number 7: Chris Johnson
Points: 16
What has he done?: After a slow start, he screwed up and whacked Ultimate
Thrasher. Now he's teaming up with Tyrone Hayes in the main event. Rumour
has it that his record will be done before Thrasher's, adding to their bad
blood.
Number 7: Apex
Points: 16
What has he done?: As soon as the WWO re-opened, he was immediately involved
in a heated feud with Chris Stringer. This resulted in a big tag team main
event pitting him and his brother against Stringer and the now departed
Starr. Parading around with his "son", Apex Jr., Apex will probably venture
to the semi-finals of the World Title Tournament and proceed to fall short,
probably stumbling into another heated and interesting feud.
Number 5: Uncivil Disobedience
Points: 24
What have they done?: Well, they started off a bit slow, then came back with
a vengeance. They disposed of the Kai'Lin Collective in a falls count
anywhere match and it would seem that they will do the same to the Grief
Brothers shortly. It's a hard call to say whether or not they'll be able to
topple PAIN for the Tag Titles, but they'll be right there.
Number 5: Johnny Detson
Points: 24
What has he done?: He's enlisted the aid of Ultimate Thrasher (who just
missed this list) and seems to be on a bulldozer course for the World Title.
Will he get there before Tyrone? Who knows, but we can rest assured that it
won't be pretty. Will he the title before Thrasher wakes up? Let's hope not,
that would be a hilarious moment to catch on tape.
Number 4: Miguel Quesada
Points: 28
What has he done?: He's finally got himself out of the low to mid card range
with his loose alliance with his brother and his feud with Chris Stringer.
It should also be noted that Miguel managed a win over Stringer, albeit in a
questionable fashion. Stringer and Miguel should meet again in the
CruiserWeight Finals in what it likely to be another four star match.
Number 3: PAIN
Points: 32
What have they done?: They are the number one contenders for the WWO Tag
Titles, and they have made the Romanis, the Griefs, and even UCD look like
non-factors so far. And they sell lots of books, you should buy one, who
would've thought that smashing your hand with a hammer would be an effective
way of temporarily relieving tooth pain?
Number 2: Chris Stringer
Points: 52
What has he done?: He's gotten under the skin of the WWO's crowd favorite -
Apex - and his brother. He beat Dark Soul in a shady match and looks like
he'll go on to win the CruiserWeight Title, barring another upset by Miguel.
Undoubtedly the best of the "new" WWO'ers.
Number 1: Tyrone Hayes
Points: 67
What has he done?: A better question might be, what hasn't he done? He
teamed with Big Dave Grief, he's the number one contender for the World
Title, and he really pisses Johnny Detson off. Tyrone seems to be a kinder
man, pulling Peeps off Apex, stopping Todd from slapping women around, and
as previously stated, helping his former enemy, Dave Grief out. Tyrone
should have no problems making it to the finals of the WWO World Title
Tournament.
Wow, the year end WWO Hot List will be fun to put together. But, instead of
worrying about that, let me worry about next week's Hot Five. Send votes to
dwil...@prodigy.net Please? I'll dress like Candy and interview your
favorite wrestler in a provocative situation if you do. Ok, that was a lie.
But, seriously, vote.
---------------------------------------------
STRINGING 'EM UP
Volume 5
"The Problem Child" Chris Stringer
Instead of my usual rant against lazy wrestlers, old wrestlers, and
wrestlers that just plain suck, I'm going to bring you Part 327 of my
ongoing dissertation on why anything made in America sucks. Don't worry,
this will all tie in to why you didn't see your favorite wrestler on Rewind
this week.
Okay, Friday night, the entourage and I (sans the General and Major) took
in some good old fashioned NCAA basketball action at a local sports bar,
can't remember the name. Also that evening, being the night owl I am, we
scheduled an 11 p.m. shoot for our Rewind promo, something along the lines
of "Operation Scorched Earth is in the Hiz-ouse, you're all in deep shit,
blah blah blah." You know, standard stuff.
So, by 10 p.m., I was in a pretty foul mood, not because the company wasn't
great, or because the beer sucked (thought I'd never find a bar that serves
Bass in upstate New York), but because I had Iona to win straight up over
Ole Miss, and the cheap whores fumble the ball away with a chance to
tie. So I'm down $100 (to Glen Peeps, of all people), which Cherry will
try to convince you is a fairly common occurance.
So Cherry pays the bar tab, we walk out of the bar, and we go to start
Cherry's "vintage" (as she calls it) 1986 Buick Park Avenue. Now, both
rear doors on the car are permanently stuck in the locked position, so Glen
and Luke climb over the front seat to sit in the back, I get in the
passenger's side, and Cherry takes the wheel. She goes to start the car,
and...
Nothing.
No sound, not even turning over. We've got an interview shoot about 25
minutes away in just under an hour, and the damn pig won't turn over. So I
suggest calling a cab. Cherry says, "No, we just need a jump, it'll be
fine." Of course, Cherry finds it real easy to find guys to give her a
jump, so 5 minutes later, we're on our way....
And the battery dies again. At this point, I'm only slightly calmer than a
Serbian rioter in Belgrade. Finally, I'm able to convince Cherry to call
AAA on the cell phone. We tell the interview people we're going to be
about a half-hour late, and I _told_ Cherry to buy German when she bought
her last car! Didn't I, Cherry? DIDN'T I???
So, 45 minutes later, AAA gets there. The guy is supposed to tow the car
to a shop that's about 5 minutes away, then give us a lift to the
shoot. Plenty of time. So, it takes him about 10 minutes to hook up the
car to the tow crane because of all the goddamn snow (and in a side note --
is God _permanently_ pissed at Buffalo or something? Is Buffalo Sodom in a
parallel universe?). Finally, we're on our way, with just enough time to
complete this whole circuit of a trip...
... and the tower DROPS THE FUCKING CAR!!! I mean, how the hell do you
_drop_ a car once you get everything locked in on one of those
things??? I'm cursing a blue streak, Cherry's hysterical, Glen's so
distraught he's doing his Jerry Lewis impression (which he should charge
people to see), and Luke's just standing there like always. Promo
cancelled, we ended up getting to the hotel at 1 a.m., and the car's shot.
So, long story short, buy German, and never bet on team from the MAAC with
two A's.
The Problem Child
---------------------------------------------
An Opinion to be Heard
by James Knight < tp...@peoplepc.com >
Remember me? I introduced Dark Soul and John Collins to Ms. Malone. And
yeah...I think her breasts are just as positively fantastic as any other man
not named John Collins or Dan Grief.
Yeah, so, here I go with a little bit of my own take on WWO's events,
positive and negative. This week, due to the countless NCAA Tournament
predictions, I thought I would do my own, without fancy graphics. I'll
focus, however, on the Tag Team scene..
FIRST ROUND
#14 Status Quo vs. #3 Amazing Romanis
Opinion: Neither team is that entertaining to me, but Amazing Romanis do
have a bigger push going for them. I mean, jeez, how can a team lose to New
Generation like Status Quo did? Amazing Romanis are just scary and say
weird things that I can not find in my trusty Webster's Dictionary.
Winner: Romanis...on push alone
#13 Fruits and Nuts vs. #4 The Vegas Connection
The Vegas Connection could be a sleeper team, or at the least, a right
place, right time team. Their first round opponents are there for ridicule.
Don't expect a match that lasts more than five minutes here...thankfully.
Winner: The Vegas Connection...by the Gods of lounge singing that blessed
them.
#12 New Generation vs. #5 UCD
UCD is underranked and will have little problem here. Their only fault
comes in that they can only piss people off so long before a team decides to
get back at them. New Generation is overranked, if that's possible.
Frankly, Fruits and Nuts would be a better team here.
Winner: UCD...well, duh?
#9 Kai'Lin Collective vs. #6 Roberts and Cameron
As the rankings grow closer together, so does a match's ability to impress.
This, however, is not that match. Kai'Lin Collective are too deep to grow a
fanbase and Roberts and Cameron have kind of old badass feel which could
work...but they'll need some serious tinkering first. I would like an
upset, but this just isn't it.
Winner: Roberts and Cameron...with their double-team Viagra-sponsored
finisher
#8 Miguel Quesada and Dark Soul vs. #7 Final Justice
This has the makings for the biggest intrigue of the first round matches, if
only for Miguel and Dark's working together. Final Justice has said that
they would turn things around and they'll need to. For all of the
frustration that the pairing of Miguel and Dark may bring each other, their
talent is top-notch in the rising superstars of WWO. They'll need to work
on teamwork, but expect a win, unless Final Justice really does turn things
around with much success.
Winner: Dark Soul and Miguel Quesada...with the obligatory Stringer/Damage
run-in after the pin.
SECOND ROUND
Here we are in the second round, where more entertainment is almost
guaranteed and better wrestling with it.
#8 Dark Soul and Miguel Quesada vs. #2 The Grief Brothers
Opinion: There's a lot of interest here. Dark Soul had mini-feuds with
both Grief brothers in the former WWO and continues to bad mouth Dave Grief
whenever he feels the need to rehash someone else other than Tigress. Dan
Grief has a crush on any semi-face wrestlers in the WWO, and Candy and
Christine could cause Dave Grief much distraction. On the other hand, it's
blood vs. forced together pair.
Winner: The Grief Brothers...by a hair.
#5 UCD vs #4 Vegas Connection
Opinion: I actually think this match will surprise a lot of people in terms
of entertainment. UCD is almost primed for a trip to the final four of tag
teams, but Vegas Connection is trying to force themselves into the level.
UCD has the edge, though.
Winner: UCD...with a CHAIRSHOT OF DOOM~! being the main enemy of the Vegas
Connection
#3 Amazing Romanis vs. #6 Roberts and Cameron
Opinion: I see an actually decent match here. One thing both teams can
share in common is the ability to put a decent wrestling match on, even in
Roberts and Cameron have lost a couple of steps between them. Romanis,
however, will have great trouble with Roberts and Cameron's size and
experience.
Winner: Roberts and Cameron...in the biggest upset thus far.
SEMIS
#6 Roberts and Cameron vs. #1 P.A.I.N.
Opinion: Does anyone actually consider this tournament anything more than a
formality in getting the belts on PAIN? Roberts and Cameron should give
them great stuff to mock, but in the end, PAIN without trouble.
Winner: PAIN...and new medical theories everywhere rejoice.
#5 UCD vs. #2 The Griefs
Opinion: This may end up being the best matchup in the whole tournament.
Only Dan Grief hasn't carved out a significant niche in the WWO before. If
UCD remains properly motivated, they could be the most dangerous team in
WWO. The Griefs have been consistent and impressive.
Winner: UCD pulls one out of their sleeves that'll have the Griefs primed
for revenge.
FINALS
#1 P.A.I.N. vs. #5 UCD
Opinion: As a beginning journalist, I should be on nobody's side, but
frankly, I think no team will bring PAIN down. However, UCD will be
anything by a pushover. They have the talent, the experience, and the
swagger. They know what has to be done and are looking to go down as the
best tag team ever in WWO.
Winner: P.A.I.N...It's just their moment in the sun.
After the finals, I expect UCD and the Griefs to be right there looking for
a title run. The Amazing Romanis and the Vegas Connection are not ready.
Roberts and Cameron will have to go through a mid-life crisis before they
totally get on track. Final Justice and New Generation maybe never ready
for the WWO limelight. As for the rest of the tag roster...Kai'Lin
Collective could be like Chris Johnson...could ride to the top of the roster
within a few weeks...but they have to be totally motivated. Dark
Soul/Miguel/Apex will be nothing more than an occasional paring.
The tag division right now has at least three main eventers, but as in the
singles competition, lacks legitimate faces after the main face tandem of
The Griefs, so expect the WWO Development Department I formally worked at
before getting transferred (those bastards) to work on bringing another team
in.
Until then, this tournament has the makings of some seriously good action,
but PAIN is easily the best team out there. A team to feud with them would
be nice because The Griefs and UCD could be a great feud if worked right.
So, that's it for my first article. Send all the hate mail you want. My
secretary loves it.
---------------------------------------------
SHOWCASE PREVIEW
by Gary Hammond
TT 1 TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 (12 vs. 3)
Status Quo vs. Amazing Romanis
Uncle Tom and The MAN are the next great force in the WWO tag team division,
BUT something just doesn't click between them right now. A little chemistry
goes a long way guys. The Romanis will win this one fairly easily.
Winners: The Amazing Romanis
Trio 2 Major Damage/Lord Keeblor/Dark Soul vs. Andrew "Flash"
Tucker/Behemoth/Steven Erickson
Why has Keeblor been in two out of the three trio matches to this point?? Oh
well, who cares. Dark Soul/Tucker balance out (yes, Tucker is improving), as
do Damage/Behemoth (can't wait for another faceoff between those two), so
that leaves Keeblor and Erickson. Keeblor doesn't blow donkeys nearly as
much as Erickson does, so his team will get the win unless Damage or Dark
Soul takes each other out. Like it matters, it'll just be another
battleground for Operation Scorched Earth and the Quesadas. I will NOT pick
Erickson under any circumstances.
Winners: Major Damage/Dark Soul/Lord Keeblor
TT 3 TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 (11 vs. 4)
Fruits and Nuts vs Vegas Connection
I love the Vegas Connection, they may be the most underrated guys on the
entire roster right now. The easiest squash on the card, by a long shot.
Winners: Vegas Connection
4 "Loverboy" Joshua Lachance vs "The Millionaire Marvel" Eric Stryker
There IS talent lurking somewhere within Stryker, but he hasn't really found
the guy to properly motivate him yet. Lachance was hopelessly overmatched
against Major Damage last week, but he did hang in there against the big man
for a bit. I actually am looking for a mild upset here, with Lachance
pulling out the win.
WINNER: "Loverboy" Joshua Lachance
C 5 CRUISERWEIGHT TOURNAMENT MATCH
"The Superior Talent" Sean Eden vs "The Problem Child" Chris Stringer
I said VC-Fruits and Nuts was the biggest squash on the card. Is it too late
for me to retract that? Like I even need to elaborate here.
WINNER: "The Problem Child" Chris Stringer
6 UCD vs The Griefs
I hope the Griefs are exposed here as the overrated frauds they truly are,
and UCD finally emerges from years in the shadow of Roundhouse and his
lackeys. Then again, I also hope the Blackhawks make the playoffs this
spring and win the Stanley Cup, doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen. But
all signs point to UCD winning here, probably even cleanly.
Winners: Uncivil Disobedience
7) Chris Johnson/ Tyrone "Purple" Hayes vs. UTD
UTD is seemingly a close-knit group. Tyrone and Johnson...well, they don't
even want to team up with one another. Or so it seems, maybe Tyrone just has
another trap set up for UTD. We'll have to watch and see, but I'll
definitely go with Thrasher and Detson for now. Why the hell wouldn't Tyrone
team up with Lexy here?
WINNERS: Ultimate Thrasher and "Blockbuster" Johnny Detson
This card looks pretty yucko, but the good ol' double-dubya has surprised us
all before.....maybe they can do it again. Just watch and see.
---------------------------------------------
WWO SCOUTING REPORT
-by Dr. Mal Practice MD
Greetings once again to all my devoted Practisites!
Numerous apologies for missing a week. You see, there was a critical
medical industry convention being held at Panama Beach, and Dr. Ow and I
simply had to attend, to show off our tans... WHOOPS, I mean,
awe-inspiring breakthroughs. Yes, we had numerous one-on-one meetings
with bikini-clad co-eds... WHOOPS, I mean, important officials. And once
again no progress because the mandate from the people is not strong
enough. We need your money... er, support!
But enough about me. Please write to the Source and tell them what YOU
think about me.
This week's Scouting Report will cover a random selection from the Singles
Division. And the lucky soul is.... Dark Soul. (does that make him a
Dark Lucky Soul? Hmmm)
BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION
Name: Dark Soul
From: claimed as Amherst, Virginia... possibly Miami, Florida?
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 252 lbs.
SCOUTING REPORT
STRENGTHS
- Candy Malone. The brain is the most essential human organ, and thus,
Ms. Malone is essential to Dark Soul's wrestling career. Think about it.
Before the close, Dark Soul was a generic wrestler with generic interviews
and generic matches. Now, he's a generic wrestler with generic
interviews, generic matches, and a hot babe. The difference it has made
is astounding. Why, I even heard crowd reaction at the last Dark Soul
match! (considering that his opponent was Behemoth, that's an
accomplishment)
- Because he's so generic, he rarely needs to worry about being attacked
in the locker room. After all, who can pick this guy out from a crowd?
When in the arena, if the fight goes into the crowd, he's virtually
unstoppable, as his opponent will look into the sea of nameless faceless
people and not know who to hit.
- As he's a Quesada, he can count on at least eighty-seven run-ins on his
behalf per match, as his family gets involved. Furthermore, he can use
the dastardly tactic of switching out with almost any of them, and noone
will notice. He's been known to employ this tactic with his brother
Apex's cousin Zombie Corners... noone can tell the difference between them
except Apex (who actually can notice either one of them, a phenomenal
feat)
WEAKNESSES
- As with many wrestlers, their strengths are their weaknesses. In Dark
Soul's case, he's a Quesada. This means he has to share the family brain
cell with all 1,853,625 of his brothers (all of whom live in Miami-Dade
county and failed to successfully vote). Without Candy to think for him,
he'll lack any impetus whatsoever. Not to mention crowd reaction, heat,
interest, marketability, and everything else Candy brings him.
- Speaking of things Candy brings him, one of these days, his sexual
frustration will drive him off the deep end and we'll have TWO Latex Lexes
running around (although they'll be distinguishable by talent level).
Hmmmmmmm... come to think of it, maybe Lex isn't Apex Jrs' father after
all. You know what they say about inbreeding... your kid'll have the IQ
of a pillow...
As an aside, I would like to mention that Dr. Ow and myself have developed
revolutionary cures for infant-development disorders such as the one Apex
Jr is undergoing, and as a WWO top-carder, Apex may even be able to afford
them (if he gets rid of that quack Dr. Shilosawhatshisnameavich). Just
send a check and we'll get started right away.
Oh, forgot about Dark Soul. Well, like THAT'S new...
- Injury-prone. Yes, like most half-wits, Dark Soul gets himself hurt
frequently, and refuses to see qualified medical professionals such as Dr.
Ow and myself. In no time, he'll be a generic cripple in a generic
wheelchair giving generic bitter shoot interviews about the sport which
robbed him of his generic ambulatory skills. This can be fixed, but only
if he's willing to get out the checkbook.
GAME PLAN: HOW TO BEAT DARK SOUL
Preparatory work for your match against Dark Soul should include the
following: first, get a photograph of him and glue it to the back of your
hand. This will help you know which generic person you're facing. Be
sure it's a photograph of him and not another generic wrestler such as
Sean Eden. Next, take plenty of Vivarin. You'll need to stay awake in
case he cuts a prematch interview. Staring at Candy's breasts may help
here if you're fresh out of Vivarin (you'll probably end up doing that
anyway). Finally, be sure to adopt a mantra... "I WILL TAKE HIM
SERIOUSLY. I WILL TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY." One you can repeat this four
times without giggling, you're ready.
Once in the ring, be sure to avoid his generic offense. Using generic
defensive counters will work, but will probably kill the crowd (I'm
serious, if they have to watch that crap, and know that there's a Chris
Johnson match coming up on the card, we'll see mass suicides). So, use
exciting, Practisesque wrestling to carry him to at least a *.5 match, and
you'll have earned the respect of the entire locker room, and the grateful
promoters will probably book you in Main Events. How do you think his
brother Miguel ended up in such a high-profile role?
OVERALL THREAT RATING: If you're the guy in charge of finding advertisers
for Showcase, he's the biggest threat this side of Dave Grief. Then
again, nthing FITS on the other side of Dave Grief. If you're a
wrestler... mild challenge.
Well, that's it for this week. Expect another brilliant, insightful
Scouting Report next week.
The Doctor Is Out!
---------------------------------------------
THIS WEEK IN WWO HISTORY
by Gary Hammond
March 17, 1998-Superstar Showcase in the thriving metropolis of
Fayetteville, NC saw Robert d'Artois and Night Stalker battle to a
double-DQ, Wolvenstene and Tybalt defeat CJ Gesner and "Prime Time" Phill
Massacre by countout in a Road to the Title lethal-lottery match, Darkness
defeat Sephiroth in the latter's only WWO appearance, Ixion and Zac
Schneider defeat Pinman in a handicap Road to the Title match when American
Eagle no-showed, The Jungle Kats defeat Total Package, Wuzho/Masked Bulldog
defeat Bellamy and Chris Phillips in a Road to the Title match, Warren Hayes
interview Tyrant on the very first "Ratings Box", Andros and James Wallace
defeat Turbine and "Tiny" Mark Merliss in a Road to the Title match,
Underground Kingpin defeat Burning Blaze Collins, and Ultimate Thrasher and
Priam defeat Stunning Stu Stevenson and Terrible Travis Lee in yet another
Road to the Title match.
March 18, 1999-Superstar Showcase in Munich, Germany saw Lord Alexander
Bennington defeat Belial but then get attacked by Michael Ice, Steve Dumars
and "The God Damn Show" Tim Beck defeat CJ Gesner and Vanilla Stalka in a
Road to the Title match, "Blockbuster" Johnny Detson defeat Tyrant by
submission, Marcus "Thunder" Thorn defeat Michael Ice by countout,
"Blackjack" Bobby Rojo defeat Lord Keeblor, "Prodigy" Tracy Hudson defeat
Apex and then hit him with a number of chair shots, leading to their famous
rematch at Battle of the Titans VI, Patrick Shade and "White Hot" Darren
Morgan defeat Fury and Colossus in a Road to the Title match, and Uncivil
Disobedience defeat Ultimate Thrasher and "Solid Rock" Rusty Bowman in the
main event.
March 17, 2000-Superstar Showcase in Sydney, Australia saw Warren Hayes
select Marc Denis and Jimmy Lemon as the next winner of the "Ratings
Raffle", "Rocket Man" James Girard defeat "Shocker" Brian Anthony, Epic Eric
Travers defeat Tigress, Tyrone "Purple" Hayes defeat Nevermind by
disqualification, Thunderstorm successfully defend their World tag team
titles against Best Of The Best, Ultimate Thrasher con Union Jack into
joining the Society of Notoriety only to then have him recieve a
seven-on-one beatdown from the stable (the repercussions of this are still
felt today), "Money Driven" Mike Sebastian get injured in another by the
Society, effectively ending his WWO career, Les Canadians defeat Armed
Forces, and "Mr. Ratings" Warren Hayes defend the World title against
"Smooth as Silk" Miguel Quesada by submission.
---------------------------------------------
THE SOURCE OF RELIEF
by Mike Horan
And so we come to the end of another issue. I apologize for this being kind
of breif, but I just didn't have it in me to finish another historical
feature this week. So if you don't like it, well....please don't say so.
Until next week, peace.
888 888 888 888 .d88888b.
888 o 888 888 o 888 d88P" "Y88b
888 d8b 888 888 d8b 888 888 888
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888d88888b888 888d88888b888 888 888
88888P Y88888 88888P Y88888 888 888
8888P Y8888 8888P Y8888 Y88b" "d88P
888P P888 888P Y888 "Y88888P"
(c) 2001 World Wrestling Organization Productions
Those who made history, are about to redefine it.
--
********************************
Tommy Boy: I've got a plan!
Richard: YIKES!!!
********************************
Jase7779
>defect only just revealed
Oh. I just chalked it up as being kicked in the throat when he tried to violate
the family mule.
Jase
* HEY! It made sense at the time. :)
Jase7779
That's a pretty good mag/update.
Jase
* As serious as Lance Storm.
avw...@yahoo.com
http://www.efeduniverse.com/avw/
Jason Russell
Jase7779 wrote:
Boy, you're about as funny as Frankie and his finhers.
And also.. I wanted to point something out regarding something that's been dead
for awhile (And I'm not trying to start it all up again, mind you), but just wanted
to say... During that whole application fiasco, you claimed you'd never heard of
N.E.W. Yet, you had been on the mailing list for weeks.
D'oh.
- Jase
* Vice President of Funk
--
This message was brought to you by the letters:
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/ __ \__ _______________ / / /
/ /_/ / / / / ___/ ___/ _ \/ / /
/ _, _/ /_/ (__ |__ ) __/ / /
/_/ |_|\__,_/____/____/\___/_/_/
[ Handler of: ]
[ Andrew "Flash" Tucker (WWO) ]
[ "The Human Aphrodisiac" |
| Bradley Rose (???) ]
[ ½ of Strictly Business (????) ]
[ Partner: Duane Sammons ]
[ N.E.W. Committee Member ]
[ Co-Winner of the Joe Malloy |
| Lifetime Achievement Award ]
[ Christina Aguilera mark :) ]
[ IRC: Y2Jase ]
[ AIM: SiXxTyNyNe ]
[ ICQ: 14311648 ]
[http://andrewtucker.hypermart.net]
[ http://efeduniverse.com/new/ ]
------------------
<DevonCase> A few days ago Bod's handler was in #UWF and he believed me when I told
him I had a new character in RAW ...
<DevonCase> Chief Wahoo McDaniel.
<DevonCase> I sent him a rp.
<Ghetto_Piccolo> !!
<DevonCase> Here it is ...
<DevonCase> [Fade in. Fire blazes from a man made pit as Chief Wahoo McDaniel hops
around the fire jubilantly ... much like a retard at the circus.
McDaniel eyes the camera and fires a spear towards it, missing narrowly ... as he
tip toes through the fire ... letting out a few
expletives on the way ... shit, fuck ... flaming douche bag ... that sorta thing.]
<DevonCase> CWM: You ... how ... crazy crackah cornbread ... take a' mah land ... I
stab'a you with a fucking arrow you slimey wetback
... [could it be two racial slurs in one sentence?!] ... Chief Wahoo like white
folk much as he like pig's feet and porkrinds ... they nasty.
<DevonCase> [Fade out.]
------------------
<Tay-Bo> Sebastian.
<Tay-Bo> BOOOOO!
<Tay-Bo> :)
* Y2Jase took it off.
<Y2Jase> You guys abused your priviledge!
<Tay-Bo> It was all Steve
<Tay-Bo> :)
<UKCWForever> There's a barber shop just outside Milton Keynes that apparently has
topless women doing the hair cutting.
<Tay-Bo> he went crazy
<Tay-Bo> what about blow me?
<Tay-Bo> EEP! DOESN'T WORK EITHER!
<Tay-Bo> :)
<UKCWForever> No, I think they stop at blow drying ;)
Jase7779
>N.E.W. Yet, you had been on the mailing list for weeks.
Uh...no. I asked to be added to the list, well after you and your cronies
suggested NEW was ripped.
Jase
* Get ya facts straight.
avw...@yahoo.com
http://www.efeduniverse.com/avw/
DR
>Now to a serious post.
>
>
>That's a pretty good mag/update.
Your dumb.
dr
Jase7779
>
When have I ever claimed otherwise?
Jase
* U Roolz dude!
avw...@yahoo.com
http://www.efeduniverse.com/avw/
DR
>
That's what I said the first time!
Jesus! Your an idot.
dr.
Jason Russell
Jase7779 wrote:
You've been receiving N.E.W. mail since December 10, 2000. The argument
on RSP-WF began January 8, 2001.
- Jase
* Just got his facts straight.
Jason Russell
kayfabe...@cotse.com wrote:
> >>That's a pretty good mag/update.
> >>
> >Your dumb.
>
> *You're* (note the correct spelling, assface) dumber.
Don't get Dan on a grammar trip. He'll rip you all a new one (Other
than the King of Grammar himself, Martin Goodson.)
- Jase
* Eye no mi gramer
Jase7779
>on RSP-WF began January 8, 2001.
>
Hmmmmm. No, I haven't. I think I'd know if I had been receiving NEW mail or not
for the past 5 months.
Jase
* Hasn't. Period. Drive-thru.
avw...@yahoo.com
http://www.efeduniverse.com/avw/
Jason Russell
Jase7779 wrote:
Well, there must be some OTHER Jase...@aol.com.
[Sigh]
Some e-mail addresses (All but Flounder's) have been changed to protect their
innocence.
Subject:
[N.E.W.] Weekly Update
Date:
Wed, 13 Dec 2000 20:54:01 -0800
From:
Jason Russell <FLa...@pacbell.net>
To:
Christian Ledford <Penm...@aol.com>, Joe Birmingham <Roman...@aol.com>,
Steve Mills <MastahS...@aol.com>,
Carlos Rivera <Syxx...@aol.com>
BCC:
Damian Bruno <------------->, Duane Sammons <--------->, Ben Rosenblatt
<------>,
Bren McMenamins <--------->, John Lewis <---------->, James Pillow
<-------->,
Danny Wilson <--------->, Chad Stubbs <--------->, Josh Tinsley
<--------->,
Tommy Truffer <--------->, Adam Moss <------->, Waz Maha <---------t>,
Brian White <--------->, Carl Grant <>, Doug <>,
Jason Wnuk <>, Roger DeFurio <>, JR Hollis <m>,
Brandon Oliver <>, Joey Ray <, Rob Riemensnyder <>,
Justin Kaiser <>, Ian Fielding <>, Bart Weddington <t>,
Aaron Kozak <>, Drew Snyder <>, Matt Strapac <>,
Cagney Guttilla <>, Dan Rushing <>, Mike Beeby <>,
Dave Mancini <d>, Brian Blottie <>, Juvy <m>,
"ewres...@nintakhan.com" <>, Mike Emery <>, Scott Stein <>,
Taylor Oliver <>, CJ Moss <>, Chris Buse <>,
Dustin Carwile <>, Ben Regan <>, Jason Darin <>,
Jake Devine <>, Brendan Horton <>, Higor Rosa <>,
Casey Evans <>, Ameet Nagpal <>, Scott Blair <v>, Zach Hyatt <m>,
Reid Cooper <>, Carlos Rivera <>, Josh Cidadao <>,
"bayoub...@netzero.net" <>, Mike Gilliland <>, Ryan Z <>,
RJ Woods <>, Wade Neely < >, Pato Deegan < >,
Oliver Bateman < >, John Armstrong < >, Brett Kotecki < >,
njhooligan < >, Ray Thomas <I >, Justin Russell < >, Dustin Neal < >,
Jeff Stein < >, Phil Ashton < >, Greg Roberts < >,
Steve Owens < >, Mario Escobedo < >, Nick Lopiccolo < >,
Nick Lopiccolo < >, Morten Wyngarde < >, Adam Scroggy < >,
Dave Garcia < >, Mike Weisman < >, Matt Fennell < >,
Dave Aiello < >, Jon Ash < >, Jason <Jase...@aol.com>, Pat Pennington < >
[Shrug.]
:)
- Jase
*Exhibit A
Jase7779
Well, one _MUST_ remember, that my cousin used my AOL addy & account up until
about a month ago. Cause Nick Lopic colo (sp?) reported him (Heh. It was kinda
funny. Sucked. But was funny.) Maybe he got on your mailing list, cause I know
he was getting AIM names from feds, and attempting to recruit em.
However, I repeat. _I_ wasn't on the list. For all I know, you edited that in
there manually...but I sure as hell haven't "read" or "gotten" NEW mail for the
past 5 months, and I know that for a fact.
Jase
* Will no longer defend himself on this issue. It's O-V-E-R.
avw...@yahoo.com
http://www.efeduniverse.com/avw/