[ILWA] - The trial of Champions

[rob]

The following is a transcript of the trial of champions held on Sunday
Night.

>[Louis Lee]: Here we are at the Coliseum and we've got quite a card on our
>hands. In the double main event - The Champion - The Southern Man will
>meet the big South African wrestler Travekker and also that 10 man Battle
>Royal featuring 6 newcomers to the ILWA for the Internet Allcomers belt.
>
>[Sven Milas]: That's right Louis, and let's not forget the third match of
>the night, a match of redemption - The reverend to battle against Slaughter
>in a ladder match. Quite frankly though I can't see the Reverend turning
>up after the hiding he got from Pain last week - I don't even think he'll
>be off life support yet!
>
>[Lee]: The condition of Johnny Maguiness certainly in some doubt after he
>received some rough treatment from Pain in last weeks special matcup - The
>fight for survival!
>Lets go down to Larry 'the lungs' Lewis who has one of the newcomers in the
>ring with him.
>
>{Camera pans down to ringside where Larry the Lungs is interviewing a mean
>looking man clad in Black and orange wrestling attire.}
>
>[Larry]: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ILWA Trial of Champions.
>Tonight we will find our Internet champion - and in his first match in the
>ILWA is Taz - searching for the title.
>
>[Taz]: Your damn right Larry. I'm here looking for the gold and nothin
>else - and I'm going to get it here tonight.
>
>[Larry]: How do you rate your chances here tonight?
>
>[Taz]: Chances? What chances - they might as well cancel the Battle Royal
>and give me the belt now! Anyone - and I mean anyone who gets in my way
>will feel the pain of the Tazmission.
>
>[Larry]: Wel....
>
>{Larry is cut off as Taz slaps on a rather wicked looking chokehold
>submission hold.}
>
>[Sven]: Haha - I like this guy already - lets go to some pre-recorded
>comments from the winner of last weeks Fight for survival - and one of the
>main contenders for the Internet title tonight - PAIN.
>
>{Camera shot changes to show Pain flexing his impressive biceps in a mirror.}
>
>[PAIN]: Last week I destroyed everybody in the Fight for survival, this
>week I'm taking on twice as many people - many unknowns - but that doesn't
>phase me. I am the Doctor of pain, I am the Fight for Survival champion
>and tonight... Tonight I am going to win the Trial of champions and be the
>new ILWA Internet champion.
>{Pain turns away for a moment as if the interview is finished then spins
>back to face the camera, an evil sneer on his face.}
>[PAIN]: And to you Reverend Johnny Maguiness - why don't you crawl on out
>of that hospital bed I put you in and challenge me for the title. Next
>week right here in ILWA I will fight you and you will feel the Pain!
>
>{Camera shot returns to ringside}
>
>[MIKE with the Mic]: Ladies and gentlemen there has been a change in our
>first registered fight of the evening. Due to cicumstances beyond our
>control Johnny Maguiness is unable to wrestle.
>
>{A HUBBUB goes around the crowd at the news.}
>
>[Sven]: I KNEW IT - I knew the reverend was scared of slaughter.
>
>[Mike]: However he has been replaced by a new wrestler here in the ILWA.
>{Another murmur goes around the crowd}
>[Mike]: Firstly, coming down to ringside - from the Battlefields of the
>middle east, SLAUGHTER!
>
>{Slaughter strolls to ringside decked out in full military Fatigue. The
>crowd boo him loudly and throw empty popcorn cups at him.}
>
>[MIKE]: And his opponent, in his first appearance in the ILWA, from parts
>Unknown - BLITZKRIEG.
>
>{The PA is filled with the sound of marching feet getting louder and
>louder, a planes engine can be heard followed by a blast of machine gun
>fire, still the feet march on - slowly turning into a drum beat. Suddenly
>the PA errupts into Rock music and Blitzkrieg runs out to ringside. He is
>a well built man with wild hair and Warpaint across his body.}
>
>[Lee]: The newcomer climbs straight into the ring and nails Slaughter from
>behind with a big clotheline. Slaughter goes to the floor. He's back to
>his feet straight away and hammered by a drop kick.
>
>[Sven]: Slaughter can't avoid a big splash by the newcomer Blitzkrieg.
>What is this? Slaughter is down, but Blitzkrieg keeps running round the
>ring.
>
>[Lee]: He hasn't stopped since he entered the ring, another big splash and
>Slaughter rolls outside the ring for some air...Oh my Word! Blitzkrieg
>just leapt the top rope and sent Slaughter into the crowd with a forearm.
>Blitzkrieg is back in the ring - Slaughter isn't moving.
>
>[Sven]: What is that maniac doing? He shaking the ropes and running round
>like an idiot. Why are the crowd cheering - they can't actually like this
>guy?
>
>[Lee]: Apparently they do - or they don't like slaughter, who crawls back
>into the ring on 7. Blitzkrieg nails him with another clothesline - this
>is wild. Slaughter lying in the near the ropes. Blitzkrieg running off
>the ropes, he leaps Slaughter and ...OH!
>
>[Sven]: That is a move that I have never seen in wrestling before in my life.
>
>[Lee]: Blitzkrieg leaped onto the top rope and used it to propell him back
>into a reverse flip onto Slaughter - we've got a cover, 1...2....3!
>Slaughter lost it.
>
>[Sven]: I'm amazed Louis.
>
>[Lee]: Certainly a very impressive entrance into the ILWA beating the top
>ranked Slaughter.
>
>[Sven]: No I'm amazed that for the whole five minutes he was out here the
>only time he stopped was to make the cover - any normal guy would have had
>a heart attack!
>
>{Camera fades out on Slaughter being helped from the ring. Scene reopens
>in the dressing rooms where Larry the Lungs has stopped the newcomer for
>an interview. Blitzkrieg still seems to be on a high, he looks at Larry
>and then explodes into speach}
>
>[Blitzkrieg]: When the armies of the invader carve a path through your
>land, and from the sky fly the legions of death raining down firey oblivion
>upon you - that is the Ultimate Blitzkrieg. You cannot run away - there is
>no corner that the armies will not find you - you cannot hide - there is no
>hole which the legion of death will not find you in. You cannot defend
>your gold against such an overwhelming force. Southern man - you have the
>gold and I am coming after you. Never let your defences down because once
>your borders are breached Blitzkrieg is unstopable!
>
>{Blitzkrieg runs off down the corridor and slams his changing room door
>shut behind him leaving Larry staring in silence. The camera shot returns
>to ringside}
>
>[Mike]: Ladies and gentlemen - the following contest is for the Legend of
>Legends Belt. Currently at ringside is the reigning champion, The Southern
>Man!
>
>{The crowd boos at the title holder as he sits in his corner, silently
>downing a can of beer}
>
>[Mike]: And his opponent - from Northern Transvaal South Africa - Travekker.
>
>{The crowd cheers as the South African walks down the isle. he is tall and
>rough cut - a typical Boer stereotype}
>
>[Louis]: The crowd love this man and have done so since his arrival in the
>second week of the ILWA. He is truelly the complete wrestler, and a man
>going somewhere in the ILWA.
>
>[Sven]: Well, he may wanna go places - but he's up against a man who is
>already there. Undefeated in the ILWA and the Champion - The Southern Man.
>
>The Southern Man Vs Travekker for the LoL Belt.
>
>The Southern man dominated the early part of the match effortlessly,
>continually scoop slamming the Travekker and then hurling him out of the
>ring. When it became apparent that he was not going to win by a countout
>he applied a variety of submission holds, meeting with equally little
>success. At the five minute mark the match turned dramatically. Southern
>man threw Travekker to the ropes but missed a clotheline, Travekker ran
>back and landed a flying forearm, knocking the Southern man to the canvass.
>Using an array of quick elbows and stomps Travekker managed to keep the
>champ on the mat. He then climbed the ropes and landed an elbow drop from
>the top. The southern man kicked out at two. As Travekker went to the top
>again the Southern man rose from the canvass and superplexed him off the
>top. We join the match at the twelve minute mark:
>
>[Louis]: Oh - I don't believe that he could get up after the elbow drop!
>
>[Sven]: Why not - you were at the fight for survival when he defended his
>title against Chi Tung, he did it then.
>
>[Louis]: Something of a trade mark of the Southern man is his endurance -
>AS IS THE SOUTHERN SLAM!
>
>[Sven]: Yip - just like last week - he suckered Travekker up the ropes and
>the nailed him with a southern slam. That's the match for sure.
>1....2.....No - what the? It's that maniac.
>
>[Louis]: Blitzkrieg has come down to ringside and nailed the Southern Man
>from behind. The bell rings, it'll be a Disqualification for sure.
>
>[Sven]: Blitzkrieg nailing the Champ with a series of Elbows, the champ
>drops to the canvass. He's near the ropes - No no no.
>
>[Louis]: Blitzkrieg leaps the Champ and lands on the top rope and nails
>the champ with that back flip knee drop.
>
>[Sven]: What the - whats he? He's just running off down the isle. This
>man is a lunatic!
>
>[Louis]: A lunatic he may be, but he just dealt to the Legend of Legends
>Title holder the Southern Man AND he defeated Slaughter earlier tonight.
>
>[Sven]: Yeah but he hit BOTH men from behind - How sporting is that?
>
>{Camera fades to backstage where Larry the Lungs is talking to a man
>wearing black tight with red lightning bolts blazing down the sides}
>
>[Larry]: A very special welcome to one of the SIX new competitors who get
>the chance to win the ILWA Internet allcomers belt in their first apearance
>in the ILWA. John 'Heartbreaker' Randalls.
>
>[Heartbreaker]:This is the Heartbreaker John Randalls here and I just want
>to let
>EVERYBODY in the ILWA that the Heartbreaker is here for the gold.
>Few can match my skill, speed, precision, and damned fine good looks
>so you can all battle for second place. When all is said and done in
>the battle royal, the Heartbreaker will be holding gold. And I'm not
>like that supposed Heartbreak Kid everyone talks about. You see, I
>don't have a clique, I just kick ass, and everyone loves it. I'm
>gonna go break some hearts now.
>
>[Hitman{Appearing from behind the camera}]: And I'm gonna do some sharp
>shooting down there tonight. You Heartbreaker better stay outta my way - I
>want the title and I won't let anything get in my way.
>
>{The Scene changes to ringside where Larry the Lungs is preparing to
>announce the main event.}
>
>[Larry]: Ladies and gentlemen it is now time for the evenings main event -
>The Battle Royal. Please welcome the wrestlers as they approach ringside.
>Our first competitor - From the far East Chi Tung!
>{Chi Tung walks down to ringside, the crowd cheering wildly as he throws a
>few practice kicks around.}
>
>[Larry]: Our second competitor, in his first appearance in the ILWA - John
>'Heartbreaker' Randalls.
>{Randalls runs to ringside with a few cheers but all and all an uncertain
>response}
>
>[Larry]: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome another newcomer to the ILWA
>- lead to the ring by The Godfather, weighing two hundred and fifty pounds
>- The HITMAN!
>{A Man clad all in black struts down to the ring. This guy is obviously
>MEAN and the crowd boos him loudly}
>
>[Larry]: Our next contestant weighing in at four hundred and twenty
>pounds, lead to the ring by his manager the Shaman, in his first appearance
>in the IWLA -MUMMA JUMBO!
>{An Elephant's cry can be heard over the PA - it is replied to by a Lions
>Roar and then the beating of African wardrums. The Shaman leads the
>massive Mumma down to ringside}
>
>[Larry]: Another newcomer to the ILWA please welcome BAD NEWS - BRIAN BUTHER.
>{He is bald with a gotee and strolls down to ringside - ready for action!}
>
>[Larry]: And now, the winner of last weeks Battle for survival - THE
>DOCTOR OF PAIN!
>{A Groan sounds over the PR followed by the sound of a whip cracking and
>more screams of agony. Pain enters the ring and stares down his opponents
>one by one.
>
>[Larry]: Let's welcome Eric 'Ring' Ropes!
>{He strools down the isle to uncertain reaction from the crowd}
>
>[Larry]: And now, weighing 235 pounds - THE KNIFE, HUGH HOGAN!
>{The crowd cheers as Hogan approaches the ring. He slips under the bottom
>rope and stands to face off, once again with PAIN.
>
>[Larry]: Our Ninth contestant, The former Legend of Legends Champion.....
>{The crowd goes nuts as Blade appears in the isle}
>[Larry]: Lance 'The Blade' Wright!
>{After a while the crowd settles down to a point where Larry can speak again}
>[Larry]: And the last competitor, a man I'll never interview again, let's
>wel....
>{Taz slips into the ring and nails Larry again then turns and lands a
>sucker punch on Eric 'Ring' Ropes. The bell rings and the match is
>underway}
>
>[Lee]: Here we go. We're underway and the wrestlers face off. Taz has
>already put that rather evil looking hold on another newcomer Eric 'the
>Ring' Ropes. Knife and Pain are punching it out in one corner while the
>hitman nailed Heartbreaker as soon as the bell went.
>
>[Sven]: Mumma Jumbo got a piece of bad news and is slumped in the corner
>being hacked on and Chi Tung and the former champion going at it in the
>center of the ring. Haha - great friends they turned out to be!
>
>[Lee]: Mumma Jumbo reverses the situation in the corner and nails Badnews
>with a bodysplash. Knife atomic drops Pain and pain goes down. Eric Ropes
>has broken Taz's hold and hit him with a headbutt, Taz looks a little
>dazed. Knife forearms Ropes in the back - this is hectic Sven!
>
>[Sven]: That's right, I'm getting tired just calling the match.
>Heartbreaker is in trouble as the Hitman sets him up for an assasination.
>Badnews whips Mumma Jumbo to the ropes. OHHHHH! The heartbreaker just got
>DDT'ed from the top then run over by BIG Mumma Jumbo. Hitman lands a drop
>kick and Jumbo is reeling. He comes right back at the Hitman and hits a
>big clothesline.
>
>[Lee]:Pain is Thumping on bad news now. He picks him up and POWERSLAMS him
>in center ring. Eric 'ring' Ropes is in trouble - He's standing dazed near
>the ropes. Knife bounces off the far ropes runs at him - it could be the
>jumping jack-knife. OHHHHHHHH!
>
>[Sven]: TAZ pulled the ropes - he pulled the ropes and they both went
>over. Hugh Hogan and Eric 'ring' Ropes are eliminated. That was a
>brilliant move Louis!
>
>[Lee]: Taz had been lying by the ropes and he took his chance when it
>came. Chi Tung has the former Champion in trouble. SMASHES him with an
>inverted Thrust kick - I think Blade is nearly out. Heartbreaker hits Pain
>with an elbow drop - how did he get up - he got DDT'ed from the top.
>That's impressive endurance!. Mumma Jumbo meets The badnews once again.
>Badnews with a head scissors - but he doesn't have the strength to take big
>Mumma Jumbo down. Mumma Jumbo comes right back at him again and applies a
>headlock. LOOK OUT! What happened there?
>
>[Sven]: It was TAZ again, Chi Tung had the hitman set up and ran against
>the ropes and Taz pulled the ropes again. Tung is gone! This Taz has a
>great future if he keeps pulling out moves like that!
>
>[Lee]: Pain, Badnews,Taz,Mumma Jumbo, The Heartbreaker, Blade and the
>Hitman remain in the ring. Chi Tung, Knife and Ropes have been eliminated!
>
>[Sven]: I gotta say that on early form Taz looks to be the man to beat out
>there. Look at that as he applies the Tazmission hold on the former
>champion Lance Wright.
>
>[Lee]: He certainly has looked sharp - but he's sure to cope a big fine
>for attacking the official twice.
>
>[Sven]: Lungs was calling the entries too slow anyway, Taz was just
>helping him out of the ring. Same way Badnews is helping the Hitman outta
>the ring now. hitman holding on desperately.
>
>[Lee]: And meanwhile pain and the newcomer Mumma Jumbo are going blow for
>blow in center ring. Pain whips big mumma Jumbo to the ropes and rocks him
>with a clothesline. Hitman is pearched on the top rope and Badnews is
>trying to push him to the outside. Wait a minute - OW!
>
>[Sven]: That was a classy move Louis. Hitman was trying desperately not
>to go out and Badnews reversed his momentum and nailed the Hitman with a
>DDT off the ropes.
>
>[Lee]: He executed it soo well, I think that could be his trademark move!
>Badnews is going to the top. Lance Wright drops to the canvass as Taz
>releases the Tazmission hold. Taz runs over to where Badnews is atop the
>ropes. Badnews realises his mistake and tries to jump down. I think Taz
>might get another one!
>
>[Sven]: He's nearly got Badnews outside. I like the way this guy thinks -
>he waits until he can gain an advantage and then he takes it. Meanwhile
>Pain and Heartbreaker are doubleteaming Big Mumma Jumbo in the corner.
>Mumma Jumbo is pushed up on the turnbuckle.
>
>[Lee]: Heartbreaker and Pain trying to eliminate the big man, Taz is still
>working on Badnews - he just can't quite get him out.
>
>[Sven]: Someone should throw Blade out - he hasn't moved since Taz
>released the tazmission hold. Hitman also looking groggy after being
>DDT'ed from the top. Badnews rakes Taz's eye and Taz backs away. Badnews
>untangling himself from the ropes and....Eliminated! Taz gets another one.
>He hit Badnews as he was most vulnerable sitting on top. NO - Taz is gone
>too, the hitman got him from behind!
>
>[Lee]: There goes your prediction Sven! Now we're down to five. Taz is
>trying to get back in the ring but the officials drag him from ringside.
>We've seen what effect that can have on a competition here in the ILWA.
>
>[Sven]: TAZ may be in the dressing room but Pain is still out there. He's
>trying desperately to move the immense bulk of Mumma Jumbo over the top
>rope. Heartbreaker is there helping him and the hitman comes over to join
>in. It's all against the big African at the moment. They know how hard
>he'll be to eliminate one on one.
>
>[Lee]: Certainly carries some weight, but he's holding on for dear life
>now as all the men in the ring try in vain to hurl him over the top!
>
>[Sven]: Blade is back on his feet, but he's reeling. I think he's looking
>around for Taz. Haha...loser. What's he think...Oh! That's just stupid!
>
>[Lee]:He puts the blade into Pain's back. Pain is in agony and Mumma Jumbo
>tumbles back into the ring.
>
>[Sven]: Why would he do that? He can't possible think if it comes down to
>him and Mumma he can hurl him over the top.
>
>[Lee]: Heartbreaker just nailed the hitman with a big sucker shot. Hitman
>is reeling. Heartbreaker climbs the ropes quickly and hits a big
>clothesline off the top.
>
>[Sven]: Pain has turned blade around and now holds blade in a chokehold.
>Blade in considerable trouble. There goes the half hour mark Louis - these
>guys have gotta be tired!
>
>[Lee]: Mumma Jumbo certainly looking the worse for wear. Heartbreaker is
>dragging the Hitman into the center of the ring. He's going for - yes, the
>figure four leg lock. Hitman is trapped. He's crying out in agony. WOW!
>
>[Sven]:Oh my word - he may never walk again!
>
>[Lee]: Mumma Jumbo climbed the ropes and landed a bodysplash from the top
>on the Heartbreaker. Sven, I think I heard ribs cracking from here.
>
>[Sven]: Certainly the pressure to the leglock went off straight away.
>Mumma Jumbo in the vicinity of four hundred pounds coming at you from the
>top rope.
>
>[Lee]: But he hurt himself too. Mumma Jumbo is rolling on the canvas,
>clutching his head. Hitman is pulling himself to the ropes and trying to
>stand, but his legs won't hold him!
>
>[Sven]: Pain is the only wrestler in there who looks fresh Louis. I knew
>it. I knew he would win this thing. Blade getting his head repeatedly
>rammed into the turnbuckle. He's offering no resistance as Pain HURLS HIM
>OVER THE ROPES!
>
>[Lee]: The former champion is gone! He's been eliminated by Pain who has
>now got to be the favourite to win this. With Mumma Jumbo in trouble with
>his skull, there's some blood there. Hitman is pulling himself to his feet
>and Heartbreaker STILL hasn't moved - I don't even think he's breathing.
>
>[Sven]: I tell you Pain is gonna do some hurting now. The Hitman fires a
>weak right hand and gets NAILED RIGHT OVER THE TOP. What a show of power
>from Pain. And now there's only three left in the ring.
>
>[Lee]: Just an indication of the Power which Pain possesses. He sent
>Hitman reeling in a back flip over the rope there. And now he's taking a
>little time out to pose. Mumma Jumbo starts to get to his feet but is
>savagely stomped into the canvass by pain.
>
>[Sven]: Oh yeah I like this. This man is truelly a worthy champion. Why
>don't they just give him the belt now?
>
>[Lee]:Still the problem remains as to how he's going to get Mumma Jumbo
>over the top rope.
>
>[Sven]: He's gonna hurt Jumbo so bad he'll jump out of the ring himself.
>Pain is trying to wake the Heartbreaker now, he want's help getting him
>over the top. Heartbreaker standing, albeit groggily. Now Mumma Jumbo is
>in trouble Louis!
>
>[Lee]: Pain lifting Mumma Jumbo up in the corner. There's trouble here.
>Pain has lmost got Jumbo out by himself - he's screaming to heartbreaker to
>help him, but the crowd has started chanting for Mumma. Heartbreaker still
>looking dazed, he moves over to help Pain....and he hits him. Pain falls
>to the floor and Mumma Jumbo escapes again.
>
>[Sven]:NO! I can't believe these guys are so stupid. Pain gets whipped to
>the ropes by heartbreaker, back body drop and Pain is starting to feel it.
>He fires the big right hand, Heartbreaker ducks under it and ATOMIC DROP!
>Oh no!
>
>[Lee]: Pain feeling it right now, Heartbreaker, starts to set up Pain for
>the figure four, looks at Mumma Jumbo remembering what happened last time.
>Changes the grip and....CATAPULTS Pain into the ringpost! Pain in trouble
>now as he gets powerslammed in center ring.
>
>[Sven]:Mumma Jumbo is walking again. You see. You see what that idiot
>Heartbreaker has done. He's gonna nail the heartbreaker from behind
>and....
>
>[Lee]: He didn't touch Heartbreaker, he walked past him and bodysplashed
>Pain. Heartbreaker picks Pain up and leans him against the ropes. Off the
>ropes and CLothesline and Pain is outta there. Now there's two.
>
>[Sven]: I can't believe that one of these newcomers is going to win a belt
>in thier first ILWA appearance. And I can't believe that Heart breaker
>eliminated Pain!
>
>[Lee]: Heartbreaker didn't miss a beat - he turned right around and
>dropped Mumma Jumbo with a big right hand. Now it's safe for him to try
>that figure four leg lock. He's setting up Jumbo and...no wait a minute
>here!
>
>[Sven]: Oh yes! Pain is back in the ring, he's nailing everyone with the
>ringside chair. Someone's gotta stop this.
>
>{A minor scene of chaos follows: Finally the bell rings as a troop of
>wrestlers tries to pry Pain of Heartbreaker.}
>
>[Larry 'the lungs']: Ladies and gentlemen your attention please. This
>match has been declared a two way tie. The Internet champion will be
>decided in a singles match between Mumma Jumbo and the Heartbreaker in two
>weeks time.
>
>{The crowd Boos and Hisses about not getting thier moneys worth as the
>camera dims to show the ILWA logo.}
>
>
>
>
>
>
Beginning May 1 - the new address will be ni...@multipro.com

Nick West
ni...@midtenn.net
Member of the National Wild Turkey Federation and Libertarian Party of Tennessee

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