IEA Roleplays for 3/12-3/19
Jay Flanders
(The camera turns on to show David Dumont standing in front of a podium,
and there are many reportrers sitting on chairs waiting for David to begin
speaking. Dumont waits a few more seconds for the commotion to die down
before he begins.)
David Dumont - Well I'd like to thank all of you for coming today. I'd
like to use this time to answer any questions that any of you may have for
me.
Reporter - So David, you've walked all over the competition here in the
IEA, so what is next for you?
David Dumont - Well I have yet to have anyone accept my open challenge so
that will still stand to this weekend in Glasgow. Anyone who wants a shot
at my title can step up and face me one-on-one.
Reporter - Did you have anyone particular in mind?
David Dumont - As I've already beaten the best of the best here, there is
not much left, but Ray Wright would be someone I'd like to face. Whether
he wants to face me is another story. But anybody can accept my challenge.
I like to keep in ring form and the only way to do that is to wrestle on a
regular basis.
Reporter - Don't you think you should take a week to rest after your last
couple of matches?
David Dumont - Of course not. I'm still in top form and I plan on staying
that way. I won't rest until I have the World title around my waist.
Reporter - What are you going to do to get that world title shot?
David Dumont - Absolutely nothing. I have this belt to keep me busy for
now. But my time will come. I have my whole career ahead of me right now
and I have plenty of time to chase that title. It'll only be a matter of
time before I win that title. But there is no rush now.
Reporter - Now that Super Bastard is back, what is going to happen between
the two of you?
David Dumont - Well right now he is of no concern to me. He can try to get
my attention all he wants, but it's not going to work. I'm not going
through all the bull like before. I have other things to worry about than
getting into a battle of insults.
Reporter - What if Super Bastard is the one to accept your open challenge?
David Dumont - Well then I'll wrestle him like anyone else. I'll go in
focused and I'll go out with the belt. I'm not going to back down from
anybody. But as I said, I'd really like to get a match with Ray Wright.
But I have a feeling that nobody will step up, just like last week.
Reporter - Who do you plan on facing at the Pay Per View?
David Dumont - I really don't know. As I said,. I've pretty much beaten
everyone in the IEA with any talent. All that is left is no talent chumps
like Southwest Strangla. But at this point, I don't think he'll ever make
his way to my level. But the same offer goes out to him as it has the
entire IEA. If he wants a lesson in what wrestling's all about, then he's
more than welcome to get in the ring with me and it'll probably be the only
title shot he'll ever get in his career.
Reporter - Those are some pretty harsh words you have for him, why are you
so critical of him?
David Dumont - Well it is quite obvious that he is a little full of himself
and he goes singing his own praises and all he does is challenge guys like
the Skater and Ray Rancid. So if he likes, he can have a real challenge
for a change and face someone who can issue a beating like I can. Well my
time is done here. I'd like to thank you all for coming, and I'll see you
all on Saturday in Glasgow.
(The reporters begin to file out and David Dumont takes a drink of his
water that is sitting on the podium. The screen fades to black.)
**********************************************************
Super Bastard:
*** The sound of a door slamming echoes as the camera fades in at Bastards
home in Detroit. Bastard is seen outside, hanging clothes up on a
clothesline. He's got a pair of plaid sweat pants, baggy around the legs,
and tighter than a whores leather outfit at the ankles, as well as an X-men
shirt that looks like it hasn't been worn since elementy school. Bastard is
whistling the baseline to "Butterfly" as Jill walks up him, laughing. ***
Jill: Bastard, what are you wearing?
Bastard: Clothes. Why?
Jill: Those are probably the ugliest pants that exsist.
Bastard: You know how they say sweat pants are comfortable?
Jill: Yeah.
Bastard: They is a lyin mother f---er.
Jill: (laughs a little) I thought you were gonna cut down on the
swearing...
Bastard: Out in the sticks, yeah. Here, if I do some shit like that, cops
a know somethin's up right away.
Jill: Right. I gotta ask. Why do you have that other place if you can
hide here?
Bastard: Cause in case I gotta run, I have some where to go.
Jill: So the police haven't come after you?
Bastard: No, but that ain't sayin they won't.
Jill: Still drinking pickle juice?
Bastard: I don't need to now, already cleaned out the tank.
Jill: Oh. So what is it you had to say?
Bastard: Well. Jayrok. Double-U-Tee-EF? What the f---? After I've come
after you twice, you still run and hide. You've had SO many chances to at
least admit you don't wanna fight me. But no. Instead, you don't say a
thing. Do you think if you keep acting like you can't hear me, you ain't
gonna have to face me?
Jill: Maybe he's to busy.
Bastard: To busy? To busy? To say just a simple sentence? "Bastard I
don't wanna fight you." That took what, a few seconds? Damn, kid. What's
it gonna take? Destruction Inc too. I try to get you two ta face me in a
handy cap match, and you still chicken out. I would never be afraid of a
handy cap match, two on one..... What do you have to lose? I just don't
get it. You guy's aren't gonna win the tag straps, we all know it.
Jill: Who do you think will?
Bastard: I will. But we'll talk about that some other time. I have a
proposition. Since Jayrok is a bitch, and Destruction Inc is a bitch, I'll
take both on in a handy cap match. I'll probably get my ass kicked, but if
it takes that much of a handy cap for you pussies to fight me, you should be
thrown out of the fed.
Jill: Sad to say it's true.
Bastard: And Jayrok, I don't even want you to put your cheesey title on the
line. I don't want that belt at all. In fact, If did win it, I'd vacate
it. We can even make it a grudge match so the loss won't count against your
record. BUT! Any way you look at it, I will kick your ass. If I have wait
it out until you face some loser that you'll beat in five seconds and come
out after it's over, I'll be there. If you ignore me again, that belt you
have, kiss it good bye, cause you'll never feel it again.
Jill: How's that? I thought you said you'd vacate it.
Bastard: I would. But any time he tried to win it back, I'd take out who
ever else was going up for it before the match, then I'd fight him. After I
break him, I vacate the title again. OR, if some one else already has it,
I'll come at the begining and take both men out, then drape the current
champion over Jayrok.
Jill: I think there'd be a DQ if that happened.
Bastard: Good. I'll run in, hit some one, don't matter who, then it'll be
DQ. Champions can't lose their belt on DQ.
Jill: What if it's a cage match?
Bastard: Damn, woman, why you gotta make this hard. A cage match....
I'd... Um... Take out who ever's got the key, get in the cage, kick some
ass, then finish it how ever the match is supposed to be won.
Jill: What do you mean?
Bastard: (the irritation shows in his voice as he grits his teeth while he
talks) If it were a first man out style.... I would
throw the champion out the ring.... If...
Jill: Oh, never mind. I know what you mean now.
Bastard: GOOD!
Jill: Anything else you wanna say?
Bastard: Yeah. I forgot something.
Jill: What?
Bastard: Even if those pussies only agree to all three of them against
me.... Remember, I'll have Ninja as a tag partner... I completely forgot
about that.
Jill: That's right, he did say he'd help you. But I have a question. What
is it seriously, that you don't like about Jayrok?
Bastard: Oh boy, where to start. First, I hate KMF. Since KMF and Jayrok
are one and the same, Jayrok gonna die. Get crippled, my bad, forgot about
that too. Another thing that really gets ticks me off... He spits the
weakest damn game I've ever heard in my life to you, get's no where, runs
his mouth to people like Ecrush... Even Ecrush is below him. Jayrok, as
much as I hate you, I do respect you. You can do better than give Ecrush
consecutive title shots. You already whipped his ass once. And why bother
talkin shit to him? All you gotta do with a fat ass like him is take
anything he says, and make him look like a bitch. Then he'll keep talk
shit, and you'll care less and less, eventually, kickin his ass a be like
speadin melted butter.
Jill: What do you mean by weak game?
Bastard: An example.... "You know what, Jill, I've taken more of an
interest in you lately..." Pathetic. I can tell he ain't just tryin to
hizit the skizazz, but sayin shit like that just shows a girl she can walk
all over you and still get what ever she want from ya. The whole "if he
harms a hair on your head" thing... Bullshit. You know the rules Rok, he a
be in some deep deep shit if he do anything like that. You sayin that shit
is an empty threat.
Jill: I can take care of myself any way.
Bastard: Sure sure... THREAT!!! I got it! The rules don't say we can't
threaten you... Maybe if I threaten to do something to you, Jayrok's pussy
whipped ass'll try somethin.
Jill: I think that's a bad idea.
Bastard: YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AGAIN AND I'LL HARM A HAIR ON YOUR
HEAD!!!!
Jill: Ewww... I'm scared now.
Bastard: I hope that worked.
Jill: I don't think it did.
Bastard: That's it. I said if told me what you think again..... I'd harm
a hair on your head... C'mere.
Jill: You gotta be kidding.
Bastard: Are you sticking up for such a pussy? Are those chump Whitey Ford
lines workin on you?
Jill: Oh God no, I just th...
Bastard: Watch it...
Jill: Ugh... Here.
*** Jill runs her hand through her hair and pulls out a single strand of
loose hair, then gives it to Bastard. He takes it and gives Jill a freaked
out look. ***
Bastard: That was f---ed up.
Jill: The lengths I go through for this federation....
*** Bastard wraps the hair around his two index fingers and yanks it apart.
He glares into the camera tryin to keep a straight face. ***
Bastard: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Lookey
what I done Jayrok... I f---ed up one a Jill's hairs... WHATCHA GONNA DO!?
*** Jill starts laughing to herself, that gets Bastard to laugh, Bastard's
f---ed up laugh makes Jill laugh harder, which gets Frank goin. Then
Bastard just stops all of a sudden. ***
Bastard: Shaint Dawg!!! What up kid? How was cell life? Shoulda played
it smart and ran like I did. Pussy pink piggies can't run that fast, and
they give up easy too. Then you wouldn't got ya dome rocked with a billy
club. Those things suck.
Jill: (stops laughing) What happened that night?
Bastard: You were there, you don't remember?
Jill: Vaguely.
Bastard: Then ask Saint. He knows...
Jill: (she looks at Bastards clothes and starts laughing again) You never
told me, what's with the fashion statement?
Bastard: It's laundry day. This is all I had. A t-shirt from sixth grade
and these pants my grandma bought me the Christmas before she died. These
clothes remind me...
Jill: What?
Bastard: Another reason Bastard no like Jayrok. WHAT'S WRONG WITH LIVING
ON A HILL IN THE WOODS!!! Rich prissy asshole. Just because mommy and
daddy don't support someone you go and dis on 'em. That should be the other
way around. It's the rich f---ers like you who give Thor and Gnome and that
German Skull guy reasons to hate the US. Reasons to look down on it. Proof
that they are better than us. My parents never paid for shit for me. Ocean
Wave got a new doll to play with once a year, Freddie, the one you hit with
a semi, got less than I did, and he's the oldest. Which reminds me of two
things. One, the three Euro trash ass licks I mentioned earlier... I wanna
fight all three of them. And the truck... Jayrok, I'm really gonna f---
you up.
Jill: He didn't hit your brother. That's rediculous.
Bastard: Only Sky got attention. He was pampered. Daddy's little girl
didn't even get the attention he did.
Jill: Daddy's little girl? I'm lost, who are you talking about?
Bastard: Ocean Wave. I bet that's even why he turned out gay. Cause my
parents spoiled him. Is that your excuse, Davey boy? Oops... Heh heh...
Meant to say Jayrok... Oh well. Since we're on the subject of Daredevil, I
gotta question for ya. Whatcha wanna do? You said you wanted to move on,
then ya said ya gonna make my life miserable... Just for the record... You
ain't makin nobodies nothin anything. Now, we gonna go about our lives, or
is there trouble on the way?
Jill: How come you don't fight him?
Bastard: Because all he do is piss me off. I'm sure it's the way with him
(he shrugs), whatchu think?
Jill: Probably.
Bastard: You owe me another hair. I don't wanna deal with it. It's just a
waste of time. But hey, what ever's clever.
Jill: You're a very disturbed individual.
Bastard: Okay. I got shit to do, and you do to. So we'll be parting now.
It was fun to talk to you again.
Jill: You to, even though you're a freak.
Bastard: And you're a.... Well, we'll discuss what you are some other
time.
Jill: Can't wait for that... See ya bastard.
*** Bastard has a puzzled look on his face as she leaves. Looks like he's
trying to figure something out. Just as the camera fades out, he yells out
"HEY!" ***
****************************************************************************
************
JayRok:
(Camera fades in to show JayRok talking with a few of the IEA officials.
He's wearing dark blue jeans, a white wife beater shirt, and an unbuttoned
hawaiian shirt. IEA reporter, Jill Franklin, walks up behind JayRok and taps
him on the shoulder.)
Jill : "Hey, can we talk?"
JayRok : "I'm kinda busy, could it possibly wait?"
Jill : "I have to get your response about a few things. We haven't had the
chance to have an actual interview lately."
JayRok : "Allright. Let's go."
(JayRok finishes talking with the officials and sits down at a table with
Jill.)
Jill : "You have defended the International Championship for the second time
now. What do you have to say?"
JayRok : "First of all, I would like to direct my attention towards the man
that calls himself, Super Bastard. Bastard you seem to enjoy running your
mouth so allow me to give you a little taste of your own medicine. Week by
week you talk about how I never answer your challenges or anything you even
say for that matter. Well, the truth is, I refuse to answer you. You think
you actually matter to me, not a chance. You think your opinion actually
matters to me, not a chance. You think you even belong in the IEA, not a
chance. The sad fact is, you think your some kind of hot shot, you think
your some kind of tough guy. Well, sorry pal, but your just not. Everyone
can say what they want to. Everyone can act like a big tough guy, until it
comes down to it, and I have to beat another poor dumb idiot who couldn't
keep his mouth shut. Let me be the first to tell you that if you don't keep
your mouth shut from now on, your going to be put in your place. A word to
the wise. Don't screw with the Wrecking Crew. De-construction is the worst
of it's kind and you really not ready for that type of pain."
Jill : "Speaking of the Wrecking Crew. You guys must face the tag team of
Inka Tupac and Kalipe Rosas. How do you feel about facing Inka Tupac once
again."
JayRok : "Here's the deal with all of that. Inka Tupac, we had a great
match, you fought till the very end, and I respect you for that. What I
don't respect you for is the mere fact you had to have Kalipe try and help
you win. What's the deal with that? It just goes to show that you couldn't
have beaten me alone, and you still couldn't beat me with the help of your
partner. Honestly, I can't wait until I get payback on you two sorry idiots.
Who were you trying to impress by doing that? Shows how cowardly you both
are. Your both going to receive a beating that your mother should have given
you a long, long time ago. COUNT ON IT!"
Jill : "How do you feel about Edgecrusher interferring during your title
match?"
JayRok : "It disgusts me that he had to go to such limits as that to get my
attention. I would have destroyed both Inka and Kalipe by myself but the
idiot himself has to come running down with a mask on as if it were
halloween. Edgecrusher, I hate you break it to you pal, but its March.
You'll be more than happy to know that you've finally caught my attention
and I'd be more than happy to hand you the ass whooping of a lifetime. I
doubt your ready for it, but the truth is, I really don't care anymore. You
sat back for weeks and ran your mouth, and I just shrugged it off as if I
didn't care. Now you've brought a whole new outlook into the situation. Not
only did you obliterate Inka and Kalipe, but you always took the liberty of
piledriving me when I was completely out of it. Extremely bad move by doing
that. Bad things happen to idiotic people, prepare for the worst smart ass,
because that's exactly what your going to get."
Jill : "Are you finished? Would you like to comment anymore?"
JayRok : "That's all I have to say about anything wrestling related. Thank
you."
Jill : "Thank you for your time, JayRok."
JayRok : "Can we talk about more important things now?"
Jill : "Such as....?"
JayRok : "What is going on between us?"
Jill : "What do you think is going on?"
(JayRok is shown leaning towards Jill as the camera fades to black.)
****************************************************************
Southwest Strangla:
***jill and frank get out of there news van like usual.***
jill: i hope strangla ain't in a bad mood, on account that david "daredevil"
dumont had been talkin so much shit about him.
frank: yeah i know, and he just got out of jail!!
jill: frank shut up ya sicko!
frank: what that's what happens!
jill: it's just sick.
***jill and frank knock and the door***
jill: hello, it's us!!
strangla: yeah, umm...come on in.?
***jill looks at frank***
jill: wow, he's energetic today.
frank: this doesn't sound good.
***jill: and frank walk in and see strangla sittin on his couch***
jill: hello.
***stranglaz sittin in his chair just doin nuttin***
strangla: yeah, uhhh....what the f*ck is daredevils problem? i wasn't
meaning to step on "mr. computer geek e-fed kings" feet or nuttin. i didn't
really know the ropes so i stuck with people that i though would help brake
me in slowly. i can see that you like pickin on newez so i guess it's ok.
jill: ummmm, wow thats a mouth fool.
***strangla stands and stares passing***
strangla: sorry mr. "daredevil" i didn't mean ta piss ya off, but! i will
accept your challenge. 'cause i know the only way to get respect is to beat
the liven shit out of the man not given it to ya!
jill: so your will face david "daredevil" dumont this saturday?
strangla: yes i will face him, and i guess i'm gonna be forced to kill him.
jill: well if that's it we'll just...
strangla: daredevil dude i don't know you and i don't care...you've forced
me to want to end your life and i don't give a f*ck anyway so why don't we
make this a no dq death match? just me and you beating the shit out of each
other till one just can't move any more!!!! you had the balls to challenge
me so have the balls to take my challenge!
jill: if your done we'll go now, frank kill the camera.
***camera fades to black***
************************************************************
Gnome:
**Frank, Jill and Alec are sitting at IEA headquaters. They are quitely
looking over a roster when they hear a thumping sound.**
Frank: What was that?
Alec: What was what?
**The sound gets louder**
Jill: That! Come on, we better go check it out...
**The three reporters run through the winding and twisting maze that is IEA
headquaters. When they finally make it to the end, they open up on the sight
of Gnome stamping on the French flag in a rage**
Frank: What the hell do you think you are doing?
**Gnome looks up**
Gnome: I am avenging my nations honour.
Jill: What?
Gnome: Well, I actually came in to see if my locker was still here after my
absense but then I saw this hanging off Thors locker and something came over
me...
Frank: Okay, well, we still plan to use it for Saturdays cage match so if
you don't mind...
Gnome: But I do. It has a tradition been that I fly this flag whenever I
enter the ring, wearing the French colours as my uniform. It has been a show
of respect. Now, however, you have let this two-bit street scum steal my
entry, I am forced to avenge myself.
Jill: Well, policy isn't exactly our field, you know.
Gnome: I know, but this makes me so... MAD!!! When our match comes around, I
will teach him to copy from his betters! There is no excuse.
Alec: Speaking of the cage match, are you sure your feeling brave after his
crushing defeat over German Skull?
Gnome: Please, I would pit my three-year old nephew against German Skull.
The man is a laughing stock. It in no way shows off anything about Thor
except his complete lack of mercy on weaklings. Well, he can expect the
favour to be returned this weakend. He is, how you say here in America,
going down. Nobody, and I mean nobody, attcaks French honour bar me. I am
the only evil, impolite Frenchmen in the IEA and after this, it will be back
that way. Any smartass comments he wants to make he can make from his ne
wvantage point in a wheelchair.
**The Gnome pulls out a spray can and writes a few words in French of Thors
locker - "To e' absurde, en freak". He hten storms out of he cell, throwing
back his hair**
*****************************************************************
Inka Tupac:
Tom Juarez Wrestling Gym in Mexico City
Inka is sitting near the entrance with Mexican Wrestling Legend Tomas
Juarez, The Silver Mask, and Kalipe. The walls of the gym are covered with
photos of wrestlers who had worked out in the gym.
Greg Helens approaches.
Greg: Hello Inka, you had a tough match against JayRok?
Inka and Kalipe look oddly at Greg
Greg: I mean nobody thouhgt that Edgecrusher will help JayRok retain the
title.
Inka: Look that Edge has got himself in a whole lot of trouble you know,
because I have put him right up my hit list, and Kalipe ... well I better
let him talk.
Kalipe: Look Edgie, I am not so kind as Inka, when you hit me with that
chair you, you, are dealing with me not with Inka, not stupid JayRok, ME!,
and you put a chair on my head, well I'll put the ceremonial mace in your
a(bleep)s, and it will be so up there that not even Dr. Kavorkian will get
it out.
Inka and Tom laugh.
Inka: By the way sorry (laughs) they kicked your butt out of CWF, you see
they only want tough competitors not puny little idiots like you.
Kalipe: In fact since you and JayRok loves Inka style so much, we are
sending you both video tapes of Inka's Greates matches, with an
instructions on how to use a VCR.
Greg: What about your tag team debut against wrecking crew?
Inka laughs
Inka: So JayRok doesn't get enough of me now he wants to get his ass kicked
too on a tag team match...
Kalipe: Poor Sledgehammer I think is going to be a two on one match, since
JayRok fights like valet..
Inka: Hey never underestimate your opponents Kalipe, you know better than
that, look Greg speaking seriously, this is the thing I want a belt around
my waist I don't care which one is it, my next match in IEA is to get the
chance at the Tag Team Titles, so that title is my concern right now, but
JayRok and Edgecrusher don't think I have forgotten about both of you...
Kalipe: Now get out your not invited to this conversation.
Greg leaves, the camera fades to black.
****************************************************************************
*****************
Ray Wright:
*In the bellows of IEA Headquarters*
Greg: Hey Ray, can I talk to you for a bit?
Ray Wright: Who the hell are you?
Greg: it's me Greg Helens.
Ray: I still don't know who the hell you are, so what the hell do u want?
Greg: I'm an interview...
Ray: WHAT do u WANT?
Greg: ummm, just wondering what your response is to Daredevils challenge to
you?
Ray: Phew, that guy wants of piece of me? Yeah I would take him on, if I
wasn't involved in this Tag deal right now. All I care about is kicking
the ass of Wrecking Crew or the Warriors. Just like the Hardcore Rip offs
got their behinds whooped last week so is the next tag team in the path of
Destruction Inc. DD, I'll take you on one day, and you'll never want to
face me again cuz I'll show you how to do it the WRIGHT WAY!.
Greg: Okay, so what about the Tag Tourney this weekend?
Ray: Oh if Wrecking Crew doesn't win, they should be thrown outta the IEA
for choking! The "Warriors" are the biggest jokes in the IEA. Inka Stinka
and his bum buddy can go back to Brazil or wherever the hell they are from.
JayRok, while your jerking around fighting jobbers, Pain and I are getting
ready to kick your and Sloan's asses. And Edgecrusher is gonna be getting
ready to take that title from ya. So just beware cuz the you three will be
feeling the Painful Way very soon!!
Greg: How about..
*Ray pushes Greg aside*
Ray: I need to go s**tface, meeting up with Pain and Edgecrusher. Next
time send Jill!
*Ray walks away*
****************************************************************
David "Daredevil" Dumont:
(The scene is set at the Highland Games in Scotland. David Dumont is
standing behind the ropes in the front row of the crowd. On the other side
of the ropes, two very large men are wrestling and David watches on with
anticipation. Jill Franklin is seen standing right beside him.)
Jill Franklin - So David, what brings you here today?
David Dumont - I thought I'd come and see how guys like Southwest Strangla
operate. Of course he isn't close to as tough as these guys, and he's
twice as stupid.
Jill Franklin - I assume you heard his challenge to you?
David Dumont - You better believe I did. All I know is he's got to come up
with something better than "Mr. Computer Geek." At least Super Bastard had
something that would actually hurt someone's feelings. I can honestly say
that was the dumbest insult that I have ever heard in my short wrestling
career. But enough about that.
Jill Franklin - So how do you rate Southwest Strangla as an opponent?
David Dumont - I believe I went over that in my press conference. But it
was nothing personal. I could just as easily named the Skater, Schieze, or
many other useless guys in the IEA, it's just he was the first to come to
mind. But at least he has the guts to commit career suicide. I didn't
think he was so brave, and I sure didn't think he was so stupid.
Jill Franklin - So are you accepting his challenge to you?
David Dumont - Well sort of. I am not really fond of the term "Death
Match" as it means I will have to kill that no-talent chump. I'd make it a
"Last Man Standing" match. This way I only have to knock him out to win.
I'd hate to have to go to jail for murder you know.
Jill Franklin - But you don't actually kill him.
David DUmont - But I'd beat him so badly that I'd be killing his career,
and I'm sure there are other guys here that need a punching bag.
Jill Franklin - You seem so much different now David. Why are you so
critical of Strangla?
David Dumont - It's quite simple. I was just looking for someone to keep
me in ring form and to take out a little built up aggression on, and he
volunteered. So Saturday, you'll see a way different David Dumont. One
who's going for blood. It'll be a nice change from the ordinary. I guess
in a way I'm taking a page out of Bastard's book. And Strangla will suffer
the consequences from it.
Jill Franklin - I wish you luck, but I gotta get going now.
David Dumont - See ya later.
(The screen fades to black as Jill leaves the scene.)
*****************************************************************
Southwest Strangla:
***jill and frank get out of there van this time back at the funhouse***
frank: huh, i wonder why he's back at this dump?
jill: maybe...maybe...i don't know it doesn't make sense to me either. but i
don't get payed to study his mind only ask him questions.
frank: true.
***jill and frank ring the buzzer outside the gate***
jill: hello, you asked us to come here.
strangla: yeah i know come on in.
***jill and frank walk threw the old amusement park***jill and frank then
enter the house***
jill: um...hello, how are you today?
strangla: shut the hell up! i didn't call you here for pleasure.
jill: god don't go crazy on u....
***jill slaps her hands to her mouth***
strangla: no i'm saving all my craziness for that piece of shit daredevil.
jill: sorry about that i forgot who i was speaking with.
strangla: it's all good...but back too the walking piece of shit david... i
know that you don't like ray, dave. in fact i know that you hate him, so
guess what? i say we turn the 3-way-dance of death back to a one on one, me
kick your ass, you enjoy it, match.
jill: that does sound more exiting. and i doubt ray will even get an
interview in any time soon to reserve his spot in this in-prop to title
match.
strangla: hay, i they don't pay you to state the obvious! so shut up.
jill: your mean today were out of here!!!
strangla: don't let the door hit you where the that evil, power hunger
jerk, split you.
***camera fades to black***
****************************************************************************
************************8
Southwest Strangla:
***jill and frank get out of their van this time at the crow bar in
chicago***
jill: what the hell are we doing seeing strangla in public?
frank: i don't know, but who cares i just hope this place had good a huge
bar...i'm getting drunk tonight!!!
jill: frank, remember what happened last time?
frank: no, do you?
jill: huh, good point.
***jill and frank approach the bouncer, he lets them in with no problem
after he sees the IEA reporter cards.***
jill: DAMN IT'S LOUD IN HERE!!!!
frank: WHAT I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! TOO MUCH NOISE!!!
jill: SHUT UP! HAY, I SEE STRANGLA AT THE BAR, LETS GO THAT WAY!!!
***jill and frank make there way threw the crowd***
jill: STRANGLA, STRANGLA!!!
strangla: OWWW, HAY, GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.!
jill: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN PUBLIC?!
strangla: HAY, EVERYONE NEEDS SOME NEND NOW AND THEN!!
***strangla takes another shot of tequila and a hit off his blunt***
jill: WHAT THE HELL IS NEND??!
strangla: SOMETHING WARM, SOFT, AND NATURALLY BLOND TONIGHT!!! BUT, ENOUGH
ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE...LETS GET TO BUTTPIRATE, OWW I MEAN DAREDEVIL...HAY
MAN SORRY I DIDN'T HURT YOUR FEELINGS LAST TIME. I'D RATHER HURT YOU THAN A
HUMANS WEAK FEELINGS. AND IF YOU THINK IT'S A HONOR FOR ME TO FACE YOU, F*CK
YOU, I COULD CARE LESS IF I WIN OR NOT. YOU SEE IF I WEAKEN YOU FOR SUPER
BASTARD OR ANYONE ELSE TO BEAT THEN MY JOBS DONE! I NEVER ASKED TO FACE YOU.
AND AS FAR AS CAREER SUICIDE...SHIT WHAT CAREER? I HAVE HAD ONE MATCH, OWW
SOME CAREER!!!
jill: SO YOUR NOT GOING IN THERE WANTING TO WIN?!
strangla: I'LL BE HAPPY IF I WIN, I'LL BE EVEN HAPPIER IF HE ENDS UP IN THE
HOSPITAL BY THE END OF THE NIGHT!
jill: SO THIS IS FOR BLOOD NOT A TITLE!
***stranglaz mind wonders as a blond in a miniskirt walks by***
strangla: HUH? WHAT...OWW...YEAH...BLOOD IS GOOD BUT...AH..AH...BLONDS ARE
BETTER!
***strangla takes another hit off his blunt***
strangla: ANYWAY, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE!!!
jill: WHY THE INTERVIEW AIN'T OVER WITH!!
strangla: WELL, BUTTDEVIL, IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOU CAN KNOCK ME
OUT WITHOUT THE HELP OF AT LEAST 3 OTHER DUDES YOUR SADLY MISTAKEN, AND ALSO
I HOPE YOUR KNEES ARE FEELING FINE, CUZ I KNOW IT'S HARD TO LAND A 450
CORKSCREW WITH ONLY ONE GOOD LEG! SO BITCH UNTIL WE MEET F*CK OFF!
jill: WAS THAT SO HARD?! STRANGLA WHERE'D HE GO?!!
frank: OWW, HE WENT AFTER THAT BLOND!!
jill: WELL CUT THE CAMERA, WHERE THREW!
***camera cuts out***
****************************************************************
Edgecrusher:
* The scene cuts into a shot of an old, cricketty, all-night diner situated
in deep Georgia. The proprieter is an old man in his 80's. He has few
customers.
But one customer stands out from the rest. A huge figure of a man is sat in
the far corner of the diner, tucking into a 6 lb fillet steak dinner. The
figure is Edgecrusher. He is approached by Jill. *
Jill: Hey EC. We've been looking for you, for the past three days. We would
like to get your comments on the situation with, Jayrok, Inka Tupac and
Kalipa Rosas.
* Edgecrusher sets his knife and fork down, takes a mouth full of water and
address the IEA crew. *
Edgecrusher: Sure. It would be my pleasure, to get my feelings off my chest.
Now everybody saw what went down last weekend. Yes, i made sure that Jayrok
retained the title, but thats because, i want HIM and that title at the next
PPV. So i figured, you know.......go f*ck up the other guys, get Jay the win
and he goes to the PPV the champ. But the next part is....... he won't be
leaving the PPV as the champ!
Jill: But what about Inka and Kalipa?
Edgecrusher: Oh dear. Now you two idiots make me laugh. Stupid god-damn
Tupac
and Calypso Rosie. You two make a nice couple.....hell i'll even send a
bouquet to your wedding......ha,ha,ha,ha.
But when it comes to wrestling and the IEA? Well, i think that everybody saw
me f*ck you two up. And i think i'm gonna do it again, so listen up.
This Saturday. 18th March in Glasgow.
Edgecrusher vs Inka Tupac & Kalipa Rosas........
You two got the nerve? I somehow doubt it. Do me a favour and face me
Saturday. I obliterated you both once and i'll do it all again. And
Inka.....!!!
You wanna go and call me fat? Well look at my frame friend and then call me
fat. I have trained for 12 years to look this good and i will take you apart
this Saturday.
* The scene cuts to a promo for this Saturday's card, in Glasgow, Scotland.
*
**************************************************************
Sarkkhan:
<the camera fades in to show Sarkkahn leaving IEA
>headquarters. As he heads towards the parking lot,
>Alec comes up from behind.>
>
>ALEC: Sarkkahn, can I get a quick interview?
>
>SARKKAHN: Yes, but make sure it's quick. I have an
>important meeting with a friend, and I don't want to
>be late.
>
>A: Well, I wanted to know how you feel about your
>match you had last Saturday against Destruction Inc.
>
>S: Well, I felt it was a really good match. Pain and
>Ray Wright certainly would make formidable Tag Team
>champions, and I would love for the chance to have a
>rematch with them.
>
>A: Oh, well that's ceratinly different from what I
>heard.
>
>S: Which was?
>
>A: I heard that you were pissed as hell that you lost
>the match.
>
>S: You need to get your facts straight before you
>shoot your mouth off. The only thing I was pissed
>about was EdgeCrusher interfering in the match. So,
>EC, you think you're a big man, do you? Sticking your
>nose where it doesn't belong? Well, I got news for
>you: you're no big man. You know and I know the the
>only way you could beat me and Cactus Funk would be to
>jump us from behind like you did. SO I got a little
>proposition for you. Why don't you take on the
>Hardcore Icons in a handicap match. That's right,
>little man. I hope you're man enough to accept the
>challenge. It'll prove once and for all how big of a
>punk you are.
>
><Sarkkahn gets into his Hummer and starts the engine.
>Alec knocks on the window and Sarkkahn rolls it down>
>
>A: Is there any truth to the rumor that you will be
>leaving the IEA to start your own wrestling
>federation?
>
>S: Think about it Alec. If I was leaving the IEA, why
>in the HELL would I extend the challenge to
>EdgeCursher? But I am starting my own wrestling
>federation. If any of the guys in the IEA wanna join,
>they should talk to Jay to find out how to get in
>touch with me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a
>meeting to go to.
>
><Sarkkahn peels out of the parking and heads west,
>merging with traffic>
>
>fade to black
**************************************************************************
Inka:
Toronto, Canada
Jill Franklin approaches Inka at the lobby of the Hospital where Kalipe is
staying.
Jill: Hello Inka we just got word of what happened at CWF Warfare card how
are you?
Inka: Well I am a hurt in the back but no biggy
Jill: And how is the other member of the Warriors Kalipe?
Inka: Oh he is still on observation but the doctor just told me that he
won't be able to fight for a week, so ...
Jill: So this means you'll not be able to fight the Wrecking Crew on
saturday?
Inka: Who said that, of course I'll fight them even if I have to go alone
I'll do it. My first idea is to call Cactus Funk to tag with me against The
Wrecking Crew if he doesn't want to any wrestler can join me, and if nobody
wants to tag with me I'll just have to fight by myself, because one thin is
true Inka never runs from a battle I can be badly hurt but I'll still will
be at that match fighting for my pride and Kalipe's.
Jill: Edgecrusher wants to fight with you too.
Inka: Yeah I know and believe after what he did to me on my title fight
he'll soon feel the Inka Dominator breaking his spine, but he'll just have
to wait for his turn first I got a fight to win against the Wrecking Crew
then I'll kick his ass all the way to the garbage. Finally I just want to
say that this saturday alone or not I'll get my hands on you JayRok and
I'll show you and all the Inka fans who the real champion is.
Inka turns and goes, thru the door to the waiting room.
Jill: Well Alec back to you.
The camera fades to black.
*************************************************************
Daredevil:
(The scene is set in the tiny hotel room of David Dumont. All that is in
the room is a bed and an end table with a lamp on it. David is sitting on
the edge of the bed reading a book when there is a knock at the door.)
David Dumont - It's open. Come right in.
(Greg Helens steps through the door and looks for a place to sit, but
doesn't find one so he remains standing.)
Greg Helens - Why such a tiny room? All the other guys have much bigger
rooms. The IEA pays for these you know.
David Dumont - I am quite aware of that, but the truth is I like small
rooms. Less distractions for me. I like to be able to lay back and know
that nothing else will interrupt the silence. It's very peaceful you know.
Greg Helens - I see. So how are you going into you title defence against
Southwest Strangla and Ray Rancid?
David Dumont - Well I am quite aware of both of their abilities. Rancid
has been a champion many times over, but his best days are behind him. And
Strangla still won't shut up about me. I think I may have angered him or
something. But as I said before, he shouldn't bite the hand that feeds
him. I'm going to have both him and Rancid laynig on the mat, with myself
perched voer them with the North Atlantic Belt high in the air, and then
they will know that they have learned what it is like to lose gracefully.
But there is more than just my title on the line. I have an example to
make out of those two. So Strangla and his third grade dropout English,
and keep it to himself because it won't do him any damn good when he steps
in the ring with me. He wants to see blood? Well he will see plenty of
it. Too bad it'll be his own, but he should be more careful what he wishes
for, because now he is going to get it.
Greg Helens - What are your plans for the Pay Per View next weekend? Is
there anyone in particular you'd like to face?
David Dumont - Not really. I'll face anyone. Actually, I was thinking of
vacating this title.
Greg Helens - Why would you want to do that?
David Dumont - Well it seems that nobody wants to face me for it. I
basically have to beg people to wrestle me. I honestly didn't think I was
that dangerous. So maybe if I go after another belt, I'll actually find
someone to wrestle for a change. But I'll wait and see what happens next
weekend. I'm sure the President can come up with some suitable competition
for me.
Greg Helens - Is there anything else you'd like to add?
David Dumont - Actually, there is. Strangla, you still have to come up
with something that will offend me. I really think preschool insults are a
little outdated, even for you. Perhaps you should give Super Bastard a
call. As much as I don't like him that much, at least he's got
originality, and I can at least repsect him for that. So until Saturday,
keep Stranglin' that Chicken.
Greg Helens - Well thanks for your time David.
David Dumont - My pleasure.
(Greg Helens leaves the room and David lays back and continues his book.
The screen fades to black.)
***************************************************************
Thor:
*Thor is getting ready to do a moringing show 'Good Morning Pittsburgh'. He
is talking to a producer*
Thor- So..when am I going on?
Producer- In 5...4...3...2...1!
*Thor is ushered on stage and greets the host*
Host- Hello!!This is Greg Jonas and I am here with my special guest from the
IEA, Thor!So, Thor where are you from?
Thor- Me? I am from Lourdes,France.And by the looks of your Wal-Mart suit it
seems you are from Skankville.
Greg- WHOA!Did not see that one comi-
Thor- Well, you should have!Man!Can someone get this poor man a shower?
Greg- Huh??Well..uh...
Thor- Spit it out...I know you can!
Greg- Thanks for the support...So, how do you feel about your cage match?
Thor- I fell scared
Greg- You scared??Why?
*Thor makes a grin and gets up*
Thor- Because I am afraid I might make that short freak and ruin any chance
of him having any kids!
Greg- Man you French are disgusting!
*Thor has a disgusted look on his face. He picks up the stool he was sitting
on*
Thor- Greg, you just made the biggest mistake of your life.I gonna make your
face uglier than Giant's!
*Thor swings the stool at Greg knocking him clear off his own chair and onto
the ground. Thor charges at the cameraman*
Thor- Look Gnome! You see how much blood is on him??That is nothing compared
to how bad you are gonna look!I am gonna knock the 'honour' right out of
your poor ass!
*Secuirty quickly grabs Thor and escorts him to the back*
***************************************************************
Pain:
We see Pain talking on the Phone as Jill approaches him..
Jill- Pain can we get a word with you?
Pain- can't you see I am on the Phone here!! What is so important that you
need me?
Jill- Well Rumor is there might be a new member of Destruction Inc. is there
any truth in that?
Pain- (Now with a weird look on his face) Where did you hear that?( He
whispers into Phone that he will call that person Back) Well to be Honest
Jill there just might be someone..
Jill- Might I ask who that could be?
Pain- If I wanted everyone to know I would just tell everyone! Right?
Jill- True, so who were you on the Phone with? Ray or Edgecrusher?
Pain- Nope
Jill- was it the new member?
Pain- you could say that! Bu enough about that!! This is just a warning to
Sharkken and Funk!! I see you guys have Challenged EC to a match this
weekend! Well I hope you enjoy getting your asses kicked, Cause our Boy wil
take you out and when that is over we will finish the job on you to Punks,
And I also want to say if Jayrok evens gets near the ring he will be on the
receiving end of the Painful Way cause we will be at ringside
****************************************************************************
*************
Gnome:
**The reporters are walking along a long driveway approaching the Gnomes
mansion. As they knock on the door they see the Gnome in the garden doing
one-armed chinups on a branch of an apple tree, grabbing an apple each time
he is up and dropping them into a basket when down. They walk up to him and
he notices them coming. He frowns**
Gnome - It is you then. I must ask you to deliver a statment for me. Please,
Frank, turn on the camera.
**Frank turns on the camera as the Gnome drops to the ground. Alec and Jill
step forward on either side, ready to ask any questions that they see fit**
Jill - We come live from the country mansion of the Gnome who is preparing
to give a statement. Gnome, what do you have to say?
Gnome - I come forward to officialy express my disgust over teh actions of
one sad little wrestler names Thor. However much he may wish to consider
himself the lord of Thunder and Lightening, the name doesn't fit. The real
Thor had honour. He was a true European, a true fighter and a true man. This
coming match, I will take it upon myself to prove just how much you lack
these qualities.
Alec - Gnome, you have quite a history here in the Federation. What do you
mean by he has no honour?
Gnome - I never give an opponent any edge in the ring, it is true. If they
are down, they are down. If I find a way to bring them down, I WILL bring
them down. I have limits, however, and even I am not corrupt enough nor
pathetic enough to stoop as low as Thor. I have never hit a man with a
crippling blow, giving him to chance to either defend or survive. I have
never, nor will ever, have such a poor grasp of the wrestling that I either
mistake my opponent for his sidekick or, if I do understand the way things
lie, then threaten the valet instead of his man. This mistake you made. For
this, and for your previous injudicious attack against me, I pronounce you
worthy of a lesson. I was going to hurt you and hurt you bad, Thor, and you
should quake. You should quake now more than before, you foul-mouthed
hooligan, for you have stooped to a level that only one wrestler before you
has stooped to, a level so low that it earned the man a beating that drove
him out of the Fed. In my time, I have never, ever, assulted or even
insulted unnecicarily a member of the staff that slave away to document our
exploits. By doing so, you have crossed the line so badly that you must now
pay in blood. Blood will have blood, to quote the Bard, and just as you
showed Gregs blood to me, this cage match, I swear by all I hold dear that I
will show you yours. You will cry for mercy, little one, I promise. So fear
the coming day, your reckoning is upon you. You shall regret the day you
were born as much as your nation does now. Feel lucky I don't hunt you down
now. Feel lucky for the time I grant you. You may feel proud to tower over
me by a whole two inches, but I promise you that when it comes to skill, I
have both experiance and brute strength. Dance around me all you wish, slap
me as badly as you can, even try your ploy with a chair again, I am ready
for it all. You will feel pain as I lay into you with the Oh, la, la...
your French. I'm sure you know what that means.
Alec - Wow! That sounds serious.
Gnome - That is all I have to say. Frank, turn off the camera and take
yourself an apple.
**Camera fades to black**
****************************************************************************
************
Cactus Funk:
*The camera shows Alec and Cactus outside a hotel door in New Orleans.
Cactus knocks and theres no answer so he just barges in there.
Cactus Funk: Hey Sarrkahn, where you at buddy?!!
*It turns out Cactus is more then a week late for the Mardi Gras party
Sarrkahn had. Alec knows this but does'nt bother to tell Cactus for fear
of his life.
CF: Where the hell is he?
A: Ummm, uhhh, maybe ummmm.
CF: You're a lot of help.
*Cactus finds a note from Sarrkhan that reads:
Hey Cactus,
Why did'nt you show?
I bought all this beer for nothing, well, not nothing but thats besides the
point. Did'nt Alec tell you the right date? Becuase I know I told him the
right info. Well, if you read this give me a ring some time you crazy
bastard.
~Sarrkahn
CF: You peice of shit!!!
* Cactus runs after Alec, they head towards the balcony, and Alec jumps
off!!! Cactus turns to the camera and starts his own interview.
CF: That Tag match I had last week was a big pile of pig shit!!! We had
that match won, but we won't lose again, oh no, we won't. You see, we've
got a secret weapon!!! But you don't deserve to know her name!!! But she is
our manager, and with her we will Mercyful Fate our way through the Tag
Team ranks and conquer every one in our paths. I have a challenge for
anyone for next weeks show in a parking lot brawl, no rules, no DQ. All
weapons go, the only way to win is to knock your opponent unconsious. And
I'm the mood for a fight. So grow some balls and accept my challenge!!!
*The camera fades. Side note: No Alecs were harmed in the making of this
interview.
***********************************************************
Southwest Strangla:
***jill and frank are standing outside of stranglaz hotel rome***
jill: i hope this goes smooth.
frank: it will, i have a feeling.
***jill knocks on the door***
***strangla opens door***
strangla: yeah, what do you want?
jill: we where wondering if you had any last words before your first title
match here in IEA?
strangla: yeah, I got 2 things to say. 1, daredevil sorry i can't insult you
i guess after being made fun of your whole life for being a male gymnist
you've become amune to being made fun of. 2, i don't give a f*ck what
happens tomorrow, cuz no matter what i will only come back sronger than
before. bu bye.
***strangla slams door in jills face***
jill: ok, thats a wrap,
***camera cuts out***
*****************************************************************
Thor:
*Thor is at a children's camp. He is giving a lecture*
Thor- So, my first topic is hygenie.Now, I have seen how some people neglect
hygenie. There is this one wrestler,'Lawn Gnome', he has not taken a shower
in months. Talk about a stench
*all of the Kids get an angry look on thier face*
Thor- Infact, I think that some of YOU people smeel!America's povery isn't
that bad is it?
*a counsler walks upto him and whispers into his ear*
Thor- Oh ok. Next topic...ABILTY!You all HAVE abilty, but, just like Lawn
Gnome, you do not use it.
*a kid rasies his hand.Thor points to him*
Kid- What do you mean?
Thor- Well...This Belgian freak thinks that his 'honour' is going to get him
a win.Well Pal..IT ISN'T!! You are a wannabe. You can rant and rave about
the 'orignal' Thor, but, I won't stoop to that level. Making fun of lawn
ornaments is just stupid.
Kid- How can you be so confident?
*Thor makes a grin and hesitates*
Thor- Well Kid....Have you seen any of his matches...He can only win if he
is in a gourp..or if that freak helps him.Well, I have to now..BYE KIDS!
*Thor walks off the stage*
****************************************************************************
**********
Inka Tupac:
Inka Tupac:
Alec Meyers is just outside the hospital, Inka comes ouy.
Alec: Hey Inka any news on Kalipe, will he in the match?
Inka: Well the doctors say he will not be at a wrestling match for a week
or so, and since no one has come forward to tag with me I guess it'll be me
against wresking crew.
Alec: You all alone?
Inka: Yes, I know it's gonna be tough and pretty dangerous but this is my
job, my career and my honour I will never fail my fans so on saturday I'll
be there to kick some wrecking crew ass. I have fighted in handicap matches
before, but I have to recognize that this one will be the toughest.
Alec: But you'll mind will be in other place? I mean with Kalipe...
Inka: Kalipe and I go way back, we've been great friends since kids, but as
soon as I get into the ring my mind is on the match as soon as I get off
the fight I am going to the hospital to check on him.
Inka turns around to sign some autographs.