[WWO]-UNFINISHED BUSINESS *RECAP*
OutsidrGal
Hi there.... I'm Joe and once again, this is the Recap. Since I can't wait
until Primetime to do the recap, I'm recapping the PPV. First, though, here's
the LETTER OF THE WEEK:
Dear Joe,
I am a female fan of yours and I made a list of the different types of
guys out there. Here goes:
Frat Boys Who Recap Wrestling Shows: PROS: These guys are the
Biz-omb!!!!!! If you find a guy that does this, throw him on the floor and lay
him right there. If you find a guy like this, completely forget about any other
guy out there and go for this type.
CONS: There are none.
-From A Female F...@nobodywrotethis.com
C'mon people, if you don't start writing to me and telling me how I'm
doing, I'm gonna put stuff like what you just read out every time. If you think
I suck, let me know. If you think that I'm the greatest thing since Hugh Hefner
looked at a chick and went "Hmmmmmm.....", let me know.
My rant for the week is the joke that the music industry insists on doing
every year called "The Grammys". First of all, I could barely see the thing
due to the fact that Rosie O' Donnell's head took up half of the stage. Why the
HELL would they pick her to host this thing? Like I need more reasons to hate
Rosie O'Donnell..... I hate Rosie O'Donnell, I hate her stupid little show, and
I hate the fact that she's gaining so much attention! twenty-sandwich-a-day
eating heffer. The only people that like her are lonely housewives and people
who are going to be lonely housewives some day. If any guys out there are fans
of hers, then you should be kicked in the nuts. Period.
Next, I want to know... WHY THE F**K IS THE MUSIC INDUSTRY LINING UP TO
KISS MADONNA'S ASS?????? I don't care about Lords, or whatever her kid's name
is, her whole British accent thing is a joke, and if I see her wear that
Klingon Mistress outfit where she shows off her F'K'N thirty inch pythons
again, I'm gonna walk to Sing-Sing prison, and let her stalker go. Madonna's
like what, forty by now? And she's still running around trying to sing and
dance like she's twenty? Madonna, take a long hard look at Cher..... see how
stupid she looks, with her little dance wannabe comeback? That's you. If you
have any sense of self preservation, you will stop right now.
Next..... how the F**K did Will Smith win the Best Rap category?????
First of all, I'm not "gettin' Jiggy With It", Miami's too F'K'N hot, and his
little song to his kid was cute, but BEST RAP????? First of all, the fact that
the best rappers in the world, THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE, weren't even nominated
is just sad. I didn't want that punk Jay-Z to win either. His little Hard Knock
Life video was BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING! I'm not saying anything about DMX because
he scares me, and he's got too many gangstas in that "Rough Riders" video. As
it stands right now, I wouldn't go into Brooklyn if they paid me.
And last but not least, if I have to hear that STUPID Titanic song ONE
MORE TIME, I'm gonna find Celine Dion and slap a figure four leglock on her.
First of all, Titanic SUCKED!!!!!! If you cried during that movie, you're
either a girl or a pussy. Second, Leonardo DiCaprio's a FAG!!!! Third, I'm so
sick and tired of hearing about how her 108 year old husband started hitting on
her when she was like 4. Umm... excuse me Mr. Frenchman.... there's a little
something called statuatory rape that you can go to jail for. Why don't you put
your little "lollipop" back in your pants and leave the kid alone!!!!!
Other than that, I was cool with most of the show.
See, now I'm angry. That's it..... everyone's getting flamed tonight.
WWO UNFINISHED BUSINESS PPV (or "Okay... who DIDN"T bleed tonight?")
- The pre-show had a Billy Kane segment where he was with two geishas. I
hate this guy. He gets laid WAY more than he should, and his accent almost has
a life of it's own. I hope he catches crabs or something.
- When the show finally started, we saw clips of action accompanied by a
tune from Faith No More.
- WHAT THE MONKEY??????? "Faith No More"????? Okay, whoever picked that
song, listen to me..... they were cool back in the eighties. Now, they've sort
of got that whole bloated Elvis thing happening to them. Let's try to keep
these soundtracks post-Nirvana, okay?
- Amanda was wearing one of those tight Japanese dresses that showed off
every nook and cranny of her body.
- That's it... I'm petitonong for Primetime or a PPV to come to
California. I'm going to get a seat right behind her announcing booth, and when
the time is right, I'm gonna feel her up like a mutha&*%*&.
- Amanda then said that she's broke because her boobs didn't come cheap. I
was personally proud of her because she knew that she had to "enhance" herself.
Now if only other chicks in the WWO would learn a little something from her
*cough, cough*EnvyVanessa*cough,cough*.
- FIRST BLOOD MATCH
- Westside Walavan came down to the ring to fight Brian Bradley. Westside
has been getting the hell kicked out of him ever since the AICW, so let's see
if the trend continues.....
- At one point, the timekeeper was thrown out of his chair. Why do these
guys keep picking on the timekeeper? When the timekeeper finally gets sick of
all this crap and empties out an AK-47 on you all, don't say that Big Poppa Joe
didn't warn you...
- Bradley won with the "Brain Freeze". Westside, knowing that there are no
more good California rappers, now wants to be called "Eastside Ernest". His
push starts next Primetime.
- Vanessa Bellui'mtheugliestbroadinthewwo then had a segment where she
challenged Envy.
- She also smoked through the ENTIRE segment.
- I'm about to conjure up something extremely scary..... picture Vanessa,
with that face, sounding like she has this wicked hairball in her throat that
she can't cough up. It could drive little children to nightmares. I'd
personally piss my pants. That is why I'm asking.... no, I'm BEGGING for
Vanessa to quit smoking. THINK OF THE CHILDREN, WOMAN, THINK OF THE
CHILDREN!!!!!!!!
- Next up was the "Young Gunz Battle Royal". Five bucks says that Chandler
Stone thought up that name.
- Basically what happened was that the jobbers ran around and fought each
other while the guys that actually had a shot at this thing pretended to hurt
each other. I SWEAR I saw Alex Star in the corner giggling.
- In the end, it was Rumplestiltskin vs. Scorpion. Rumplestiltskin thought
that Scorpion reminded him of the girl that dumped him the night before prom
night, while Scorpion still had a sore bum from that "executive" meeting with
Chandler Stone.
- Rumpo won it. Scorpion had to go to the back to get a second dose of luv
from Stone. I chugged a beer.
- Next up was some fun with John Jacobs.
- He interviewed Erin. Erin kept trying to get away, but John kept
grabbing her. (personally, I think the man is INCREDIBLY horny. He was aiming
for something else. heh heh heh....)
- Erin had a bruise on her arm that Ike Draven gave her. Apparently, she
forgot to put gravy on the mashed potatoes and Draven had to teach her never to
forget that again. Yeah......
- Ike Draven then showed up and stared long and hard at Erin. He said
"Things is goin' REAL well between me and Tina. You mind yo' bizness, fool."
- When I run out of footage from the old Ike Turner interviews, it's gonna
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkk.
- Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to address you tonight as Joe. The
sweet, sensitive guy behind the asshole that runs this recap. Erin, I'm
speaking to you. Now Erin.... you need a man with a..... slow hand. Erin....
you need a man that will cater to your every thought and whim. Erin, you need a
man that will care for you and stop chokeslaming you off of the top of the
house. Erin, that man is me. Erin, I would learn the words to that Backstreet
Boys song for you. I would copy love poems out of books and then present it to
you as if I had wriiten them for you. I would watch Titanic with you and even
try to cry instead of laughing hysterically at that movie with you. You don't
need Draven. I am here for you.
Yours forever,
Joseph A Antonelli
- The rest of you guys didn't see that...... I'm basically just trying to
get laid, that's all. :)
- Double Down came out and pretty much forgot all of his lines. He
stumbled through some interview where he didn't want to wrestle tonight because
Amanda was sick of him falling asleep halfway through their little "sessions".
- Billy Kane is going to do the match tonight. I for one HOPE THAT TODD
PHELPS KICKS HIS UNION JACK WAVING ASS ALL OVER TOKYO!!!!!
- Sabbath came out next with Sayaka. Sayaka was working on a bag of potato
chips.
- Benji Tomato came out to defend the TV belt. The Japanese people, glad
that one of their own was out, cheered for him. I'll admit, it made me smile.
Benji was totally SHOCKED that people were actually cheering for him.
- Benji beat the PISS out of Sabbath during the opening minutes of this
match. Sayaka could care less as she was too busy eating a twenty pack of
Chicken McNuggets.
- Sabbath came back at some point. Sayaka had moved on to some fries.
- Benji kicked out of the "Coffin Breaker". Sayaka had some twinkies in a
vicious headlock.
- Benji won with the "Dragon Slayer". Sayaka was already in the back
polishing off the table of doughnuts.
- After that, that huge Japanese guy that is pissed off at Benji came out
and bitch slapped Benji Tomato twenty-five different ways. Draven was in the
back taking notes just in case Erin spends too much time on the phone. He's got
her in check.... Oh yes.....
- Scaffold match time with Billy Kane and Todd Phelps.
- Billy lost after Double Down threw Todd off of the scaffold. Ummm.....
shouldn't that have been a thrown out match? Oh well... at least Billy Kane
lost....Kinda..... sorta....... aw, I hate that douchebag.
- After the match, Billy and Double Down left for the back. Billy's accent
however, sprouted arms and legs and slapped a figure four on Todd.
- Lance Marshall had an interview where he said "I did not have sexual
relations with that woman."
- After that, he said that because he believed in himself, that he would
kick the hell out of the Knick Man tonight.
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-
- You know what, HE'S RIGHT!!!!!!! I believe in myself too!!!!!!! I'm
gonna go downtown and become a porn star!!!!!!! Next time you all see me, I'm
gonna have Jenna Jameson tied in knots!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
- Aw fahgettaboutit..... I'm not wearing pants and I'm not about to put
any on. F-You, Lance.
- Scotty Davis fought Gregory Brians. "Homes" came out with Scotty.
- Okay, I'm begging.... any of you guys back there with a "gangsta" image,
can you please, just for me, slap the PISS outta this "Homes" guy. Vanilla Ice
had more credibility.
- Oh yeah, Greg won.
- After the match, Draven came down. He said to Scotty "Boy, you just like
yo' momma. Now either you git in line, or I'm a gonna have to teach you a
couple a things. Yeah..... *sniff, sniff* YEAH..........
- Ashley Stevens came out and said that she was framed from last week
where Lance and Alanna had that taped piece on her. She said that her whole
dialogue came from a B-movie that she did.
- I saw that movie, and all I have to say is: whoever's banging Ashley is
a LUCKY man. If she's anywhere near as good as what I saw in that movie, then I
REALLY have to get a piece of that.
- Ladie's match....
- Destiny came out...... excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom...
-
-
- Okay, I'm all better now. Chanel came out. My nether regions quickly
retracted into each other.
- I'm saying ot right now... If Chanel should happen to do something
where.... "stuff" should happen to pop out, I will mark out for Chanel as if
she was a real woman. This I swear.....
- How the F**K did Destiny have a kid? Usually pregnant women, after
having a kid, look ..... "Sensuous". (heh heh heh)
- Actually, I'm sorry about that last statement. I'm not going to erase
it, but I'm truly, TRULY sorry.
- BTW, Destiny won but somebody forgot to tell Chanel, so Chanell kept on
kicking the HELL out of Destiny. Ike Draven was in the back thinking to himself
"Now that guy KNOW how to whoop some ASS!!!!! I gotta see him about some
lessons"
- Alanna made the save. Alanna, another "athletically enhanced" woman,
told Chanel that "she's had alls she can stands, and she can't stands no more."
- Tag Team time!!!!! The Hillbillies came out with those evil, EVIL
incarnations, the Teletubbies.
- Illegal Tactics came out with... uhhhh.... no one.
- Hillbillies won after Tinky Winky bent LSD over and anally raped him.
Bastard....
- Dan Howard vs. Gabe Cross for the Lightweight Belt.
- Envy kissed Gabe again. I wonder, if I tell Envy that I'm her cousin,
will she mount me?
- Gabe Cross won. Call me a mark, but I actually like the guy. It's cool
that people with actual PERSONALITIES win belts in this fed.
- Eric Draven fought Danny Boy Lewis.
- Eric said to Dan before the match "Boy, I done gave you everything. Them
feet and bones, that pumpin' heart, and just gonna turn on me like this? Well,
I had to teach yo momma, and now, I'm a fixin' to teach you".
- Danny Boy said to Draven: "Pa, I done watched you beat momma over and
over again. This ain't right, paw...THIS AIN'T RIGHT!!!!!!"
- If I keep renting "What's Love Got To Do With It" from Blockbuster
Video, they're going to get suspicious.
- BTW, any of you out there think that Eric's banging Erin? And if so,
what kind of sex are they having?????
- Draven at one point, squirted Danny with some stuff from his pants.
-
-
- Ladies and gentlemen.... sometimes, it's hard to do this recap.
Sometimes I just run out of material. Other times, the material is right there.
This is one of those times. Draven whipped it out and caught Danny with some
stuff. That's classic stuff there, folks. I want to thank the kind people at
the WWO for helping me out.
- At one point, the fight went into the crowds where Ike and Danny fought
and a bunch of Japanese people ran Godzilla-stylez.
- Ike-Zilla. heh, heh, heh....
- BWAAAAAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!
- Okay, it wasn't that funny, but Ike-Zilla... *giggle*
- Erin had Destiny in a DDT position but wouldn't hit the move. Ike Draven
looked at her and said "Tinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!"
- Danny Boy won the match. Erin went to the back for her complementary
bitch slap. (Remember, Erin.... I'm here for you. Run to Joe....)
- Next up was the World Title match. Lance marshall came out. On his way
to the ring, he saw some kids playing with a fork near an electrical outlet.
Lance quickly ran over there and removed the kids from the outlet, warning them
about the dangers of electricity. "Now we know", said the kids. "And knowing is
half the battle", said Lance. G.I.JOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
- Knick Man came out and kicked the kids right into the socket. The kids
died instantly. Bastard.
- Lance won with a Rocker Dropper. He would celebrate with Alanna by
having sex, but since his nutsack is too small, and since she's no longer
interested in sex at all (because that's what steroids do to chicks), he just
walked home. Poor guy...
- After that, Double Down came out anf beat the hell out of the Knick Man
for losing the match. Illegal Tactics tried to make the save but the USG beat
them up instead.
- On the way to the back, the United States Gangstas saw the France
Gangstas and tried to fight them, but the France Gangstas gave up as soon as
the USG looked at them. Pussies...
- WAR GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Okay, the whole fracas with this match was just who the mystery man was.
He came out wearing black while everyone else wore white.
- Team Majors came out. Majors jumped off of the cage and broke his head.
They called the doctor and the doctor said, "That what you get for jumping off
the cage".
- I am so ashamed of that last line, you don't know....
- John Jacobs' car took a lot of damage. Sudden Justice pinned it. I guess
it hasn't resigned its contract. Let that be a lesson to you all.
- This prison riot/wrestling match came to a halt when the mystery guy
unmasked himself. It was none other than....
-
-
-
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- CHRIS BOWENSTERN!!!!!
- Complete with potbelly and flabby arms. Welcome back, Chris. :)
- One thing led to another, and Team Majors won. If you thought that
Stone's team had any shot at al of winning this, then leave now. You can't read
this column anymore.
- I'm waiting for all of those assholes to leave.....
- Okay, they're gone. So, it looks like Majors is gonna face Marshall at
"the Big Show". Marshall, get a good feel for that belt now, because I predict
that Majors shall pimp-slap you.
- All in all, EXCELLENT show. It was worth the wait. The WWO really has
it's act together as a whole and if they continue like this, Things are going
to look good.
CLOSER TIME!!!!!
- I originally had another closer that I wanted to do, but it's not
finished. You'll get it next recap. Instead, I'm going to talk about what went
on in my life this past week.
- MONDAY: I had to go to school. The Deltas were having a sorority war with
the Sigmas and I saw free boobage. After that, I went to work where I
mistreated and abused everyone that came into my store. After that, I went home
and played "Silent Hill". (Which makes Resident Evil look like a PUSSY game.)
- TUESDAY: I went to the beach to see if Baywatch got any new lifeguards.
You guys might not know this, but the real Baywatch chicks look NOTHING like
the ones on TV. Can you say "cellulite"?
- WEDNESDAY: I was in school, but I fell asleep in all of my classes. I
woke up when the GORGEOUS chick in front of me tapped me awake. I had to meet
my girlfriend later on, but all I could think about was the chick in front of
me. Does that count as cheating?
- THURSDAY: Fraternity meeting. I think that I was the only sober one
there. I think that someone rigged my Coke because after I finished drinking
it, I loved everybody. I hugged people that I don't even know. Thank God
Chandler Stone wasn't around.....
- FRIDAY: I had to help my girlfriend babysit some brats. If it was up to
me, I tranquilize thise brats and spend the entire night playing house. (heh
heh heh)
- SATURDAY: I watched the PPV.
- SUNDAY: I recapped the PPV.
- I guess that's it for this week. Once again, keep those letters
coming. I need a hug, so if any of you out there are over 18 and want to send a
hug, please do. NOT YOU, CHANDLER!!!!!!!
This is Joe.
<3-Erinana (Erin) Elizabeth Binkley-<3
-Owner of the WWO
-Handler of "Erotic" Erin McCoys, "The Natural Born Killer" Alexander Patrick,
and Ashley Stevens
The Erin McCoys Web Page!-http://members.aol.com/ErinMcCoys/EroticErin.html