Favorite "Golf-isms"?
Duffer3
While playing a round with an older gentleman, I pulled
up on a put and hit it far too soft. He said
"Son, I'd let you hit me in the nuts that hard".
After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard),
I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
What are your favorites?
- Kerry Parker
"Work flows towards the competent
until they are submerged."
Ken Greenwood
>>
>> I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>>
>> What are your favorites?
>>
Our favorite when a member of our group leaves a putt well short is:
"does your husband play too?"
Ken
ch...@ix.netcom.com
Played with a Cuban guy who, upon seeing my putt come up short of the
hole by an inch, said, "That's a Cuban putt. One more revolution and
it would have been great."
Also, a friend of mine used to say to his buddies (ribbing was
generally allowed and encouraged in these circles) when they were
having trouble with their swings. "Here, let me take a look at your
swing." They'd swing. "Oh, okay, I see what the problem is. You're
not, well, you see, you're just not......."
Long pause.
"...good."
duf...@aol.com (Duffer3) wrote:
>While playing a round with an older gentleman, I pulled
>up on a put and hit it far too soft. He said
>"Son, I'd let you hit me in the nuts that hard".
>After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard),
>I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>What are your favorites?
>- Kerry Parker
TomTerranova
On May 08, 1996 16:01:48 in article <Favorite "Golf-isms"?>,
'duf...@aol.com (Duffer3)' wrote:
>While playing a round with an older gentleman, I pulled up on a put and
hit it
>far too soft. He said "Son, I'd let you hit me in the nuts that hard".
>
>After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard), I started thinking
about
>other "Golf-isms".
>
>What are your favorites?
screen. My offering, (certainly not as funny)...
Playing in Myrtle, Oyster Bay I believe, a twosome comes up behind us on a
Par 3. We wave them up, first guy puts his drive 15 feet from the pin.
Guy walks onto green and proceeds to sink the birdie putt. He then looks
up sheepishly, and in a *real* Deep Southern accent says, "Even a blind
squirrel will find an acorn every now and again". This was the first time
any of us in the group had heard that expression, and were quite amused.
OK, it wasn't an offering to hit anyone in the nuts, but it's the best I've
got.
Tom Terranova
John Pflum, Jr
Duffer3 wrote:
>
> After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard),
> I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>
> What are your favorites?
>
short -- but are in no wya implying that women are weak ;-)
--
John Pflum, Jr
Pflum, Klausmeier & Gehrum Consultants, Inc
7125 Reading Road
Cincinnati, Ohio 45237
Voice: 513/631-2690
Fax: 513/631-2752
Email: pkg...@pkgconsult.com
CompuServe: 7137,3331
R Niles
>I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>What are your favorites?
"Luck is the residue of skill."
Bob Niles
sch...@in.net
"John Pflum, Jr" <pkg...@one.net> wrote:
>Duffer3 wrote:
>>
>> After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard),
>> I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>>
>> What are your favorites?
>>
>We have always called guys "Alice" and "Betty" when they leave a putt
>short -- but are in no wya implying that women are weak ;-)
Excuuuuse me (you knew this was coming, didn't you?), but the "Alice"
to whom you refer is a guy and the spelling is "Alyss."
And I am in no way implying that men are weak ;-)
Squeaks
John A Satriano
Ken Greenwood wrote:
>
> On Wed, 08 May 1996 22:11:50 -0400, John A Satriano
> <john...@comcat.com> wrote:
>
> >>
> >>
> >> What are your favorites?
> >>
>
>
> "does your husband play too?"
>
> Ken
One day I hit a well short one and my buddy says :"Does your wife play too?"
After a several second pause we started rolling on the green while he scratched
his head....
--
John A Satriano
Member: Bogey Golfers of America
------ Visit our Web Site -------
Art Bryant
On short putts, "Alice or Sally."
On good long drives, "That dog will hunt."
Jack Friesner II
One that I like, but don't remember where I've heard it, is when I pop up
a drive I say, "Fore, God".
Jack
cgdick
> >After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard), I started thinking
> about
> >other "Golf-isms".
> >
> >What are your favorites?
"The only part of my game I can count on is the three-putting."
and,
"My golf pro is recommending I try another club,- one about 5 miles down
the road!"
My favorites.
Colin
Dave Tutelman
In article <4n0emj$9...@su3.in.net>, <sch...@in.net> wrote:
>"John Pflum, Jr" <pkg...@one.net> wrote:
>
>>We have always called guys "Alice" and "Betty" when they leave a putt
>>short -- but are in no wya implying that women are weak ;-)
>
>Excuuuuse me (you knew this was coming, didn't you?), but the "Alice"
>to whom you refer is a guy and the spelling is "Alyss."
Actually it's Alliss -- as in Peter Alliss, the ex-pro and current
color commentator for ABC. "Hit it, Alliss," was what he is reputed to
have said loudly to himself after leaving an important putt short. (For
a victory in a major or Ryder Cup, don't remember which.) OTOH, this
lesson (that people remember what you say in public long after the context
has passed) has probably stood him in good stead, now that he makes
his living sharing a booth with Musberger. :-)}
This comes up once or twice a year on RSG.
>And I am in no way implying that men are weak ;-)
Admirable restraint, Squeaks.
Seriously, disclaimer or not, what else could he have been implying?
(BTW, John, I'm open to any logical and likely explanation what you might
have been saying, other than women are weak.)
Cheers!
Dave
Kyle Williams
My personal Favs:
1. After duffing on the first tee. " Man, this is a tough golf course"
2. After shanking into another fairway " I don't think I would play
this hole quite like that"
3. " Oh golly I'm hot today"
4. Ball slicing in mid-air; you yell " Now hook!"
5. After a big fat divot " Hey you may want to take that filet home
and fry it up"
K
Earl/Linda
Denis Barsalo wrote:
>
> Not necessarily my favorites but what the hell...
>
> You had the line, but couldn't make the sale! (After a putt left short.)
>
> Too much tool for the job! (After flying the green with an approach.)
>
> Score card shows how many, not how! (After a "lucky" par or bird.)
>
> Denis
Hi Denis,
Here's a couple I've heard.
"Is my friend in the bunker or is the b**ch on the green."
"There's no pictures on the scorecard, thank heavens."
Linda
--
\\\||//
0 0
****************************** M * 0 * M *******************************
* Earl/Linda V GOLF: *
* Nova Scotia,Canada A leisurely walk in the woods *
* ear...@atcon.com Spoiled by a little white ball *
************************************************************************
Skip .
After struggling thru the inevitable "blow-up hole" one makes a 20 footer:
"Now that's called whipped cream on shit"
Similar to the blind squirrel/acorn:
"Even a broken clock is right twice a day"
Chris P
The three worst words in golf......"You're still up"
a poorly struck ball that ends up in good position is SBG (Shi$@y but good)
Maria L. Evans
Ok, Squeaks said I was a woossie-woos if I didn't post this, so here goes....
Was playing in a local scramble where if you were smart enough to put
someone with two X chromosomes on your team who could keep you in play, you
got some good distance on the teeboxes. Ended up cranking a drive when we
needed it on a long par 5. The group we were paired up with didn't
think we could hear them but the wind was blowing in our direction.
One says to the other, "Man, if my wife could drive like that, I'd give
her the best five minutes of my life EVERY NIGHT!"
Had to smack the butts of the guys in my group when they started
discussing the possibility of rental...(!#!)
--
Maria L. Evans ap...@freenet.carleton.ca
"Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the gallon."
--Casey Stengel, when asked why he didn't fight with the N.Y. sportswriters
Stacey & Chris Barrie
I go for the cheap sexual innuendo when a putt comes up short..."You
have to get it up to get it in!"
Another of my faves is for really fat shots..."Play the divot, it went
further..."
All in jest, of (golf) course,
Chris
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Barrie Family "I haven't a particle of confidence
Chris, Stacey, in a man who has no redeeming
AdvoCat, and CatAlina petty vices." Mark Twain
srba...@ucdavis.edu
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron Williams
In article <4n1dk4$9...@hptemp1.cc.umr.edu>, frie...@rocket.cc.umr.edu
(Jack Friesner II) wrote:
A putt that lips out has "Liprosy".
And isn't it spelled Allis? At least that's what I remember from the
Nelson tournament today.
Ron
--
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
I might be slow but I'm inefficient
New Web site moving right along:
http://www.bway.net/~golf
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
Dennis De camp
EVERY SHOT MAKES SOMEBODY HAPPY
Alessandro Massironi
Once I had a very low drive, and it went rolling for about 200 meters;
it was straight, but anyway
I was not so satisfied with it. In Italy we call it "rattone" (big
mouse), but I was playing with a german
guy who said:" Come on, we are not going to hunt rabbits!!".
bye
Alessandro
alex...@galactica.it
Jopped
My personal favorite is:
A player goes through their pre-shot routine, concentrating on the shot.
Addresses the ball, takes a good swing and one of the million things that
can go wrong, does, sending the ball short of its target.
The foursome is silent, and the inevitable advice: "You know what your
problem is?"
Not waiting for an answer, "you're standing too close to the ball..."
"...after you hit it."
Dave Keith
In article <4n1dk4$9...@hptemp1.cc.umr.edu>, frie...@rocket.cc.umr.edu says...
>
>
>
>One that I like, but don't remember where I've heard it, is when I pop up
>a drive I say, "Fore, God".
>
>Jack
Hey Jack, those are elephants assh&*^s. They're high and they stink.
dave
Loudon R. Briggs
>From: d...@pegasus.bl-els.att.com (Dave Tutelman) (responded)
>Newsgroups: rec.sport.golf
>Subject: Re: Favorite "Golf-isms"?
>Date: 11 May 1996 13:53:09 GMT
>In article <4n0emj$9...@su3.in.net>, <sch...@in.net> wrote:
>>"John Pflum, Jr" <pkg...@one.net> wrote:
>>
>>>We have always called guys "Alice" and "Betty" when they leave a putt
>
>>>short -- (snip)
>>
>>Excuuuuse me (you knew this was coming, didn't you?), but the "Alice"
>>to whom you refer is a guy and the spelling is "Alyss."
>
>Actually it's Alliss -- as in Peter Alliss, the ex-pro and current
>color commentator for ABC. (snip)
>his living sharing a booth with Musberger.
Now there is something to look forward to every week!!
>Cheers!
>Dave
>
Not exactly a Golf-ism but one of my favorite quotes came from Jimmy
Demaret regarding Ben Hogan's reputation for lack of conversation during a
match. Paraphrasing... "Ben speaks to me at least once on every green...
he tells me, 'you're away.' "
---
þ WinQwk 2.0 #0 þ Unregistered Evaluation Copy
Mark Satterfield
"Everytime you look up during your swing, you always see
a bad shot"
RBS shot: Rotten But Satisfactory (RBS) shot.
Richard Hedges
When I first started playing golf, my best friend, a scratch golfer gave
me a ball mark repair tool. After explaining how to use it, he said
"This can be your lucky ball mark tool: You'll be lucky if you ever need
to use it."
Robert J. Dietrich
Don't know what a 'golf-ism' is but the best line I ever heard was back in
my caddy days. One member of the foursome hits a skull that bounces through
a trap up onto the green 5 feet from the hole. The wiseguy in the group says,
'I bet that's like having sex with a prostitute. You ain't proud of it, but
you're satisfied with the results.'
Bob Dietrich
Colin King
The old standby "98% of putts that come up short, don't go in", is one of my
favourites.
Once, when I was expecting a fade away from trouble and didn't get it I
mistakenly said " the g**$#mned ball went exactly where I hit it!" Since then,
my buddies always use an accent and tell me "ahh, yes grasshopper, the ball
always goes where you hit it".
Some references to putts coming up short (that of course I would never use as I
am not a sexist) are: "didja get your putter caught up in your skirt?", and
"hit it with your purse next time"
Colin.
John A Satriano
Standing on an island green: "It breaks toward the water".
When an opponent has a 4 foot birdie putt to win the hole: "Get it close!"
John Gilligan
One day I hit a very low drive that ran about 3 feet off the ground the
whole way. I wasn't too happy with it (since I normally hit them
relatively high).
One of the guys I was with, said
"Don't worry. That's gonna run like a two year old's nose."
I laughed all the 280 yards to the ball...
John Gilligan
gill...@earth.cnct.com
Jeff Rogers
My personal favorite cracked me up when a stranger used it this spring
on my regular golf partner... My buddy took a massive swing from the
fairway, but his ball never got more than a foot off the ground-- you
know the type, bouncing for all they are worth toward the green--
The stranger in our foursome looked at the ball and said, "Run,
Forrest, Run!!" It works well with a south Georgia accent...
BTW, thanks for the "Cuban putt" reference earlier. Killed 'em on
Saturday.
Jeff Rogers
http://www.mindspring.com/~jwrogers/
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Bertil Engelholm
When a guy fires his provisional or second tee shot straight down
the fairway you can say : You ought to be a tennis player.
--
Bertil Engelholm
Dave Tutelman
In article <3197fb4f....@news.mindspring.com>,
Jeff Rogers <jwro...@mindspring.com> wrote:
>... My buddy took a massive swing from the
>fairway, but his ball never got more than a foot off the ground-- you
>know the type, bouncing for all they are worth toward the green--
>The stranger in our foursome looked at the ball and said, "Run,
>Forrest, Run!!" It works well with a south Georgia accent...
Under similar circumstances:
"Run like you stole something!"
Since my newsposter won't let me send this until I type more new stuff than
I quote, may as well add one from last week. In my pickup foursome was
a minister. On the second hole, he hit into a grove, and kicked hard off
a tree back to the middle of the fairway. He looked at us and said,
"Clean living." For the rest of the round, every lucky bounce was met
with "Clean living."
Cheers!
Dave
cgdick
On Mon, 13 May 1996, Colin King wrote:
> Once, when I was expecting a fade away from trouble and didn't get it I
> mistakenly said " the g**$#mned ball went exactly where I hit it!" Since then,
"There is no way you can defend against a ball perfectly struck that goes
exactly where you aimed it."
"Golfer who looks up will not like what he sees."
"He who tries to kill ball more likely to shoot self in foot."
"Narrow fairways, bad lies, treacherous roghs and bunkers, too far par
4's,..., God, I love this game!"
Colin
Frank Gordon
Self deprecating "golf-ism" seen on a T-shirt:
"To play like I do you've got to have a lot of balls"
Frank Gordon
Matt W. Rodenkirch
This 'ism' is for when you see someone taking too much
time reading a putt from 12 diff angles...
"the greens NOT for sale...it's for putting on"
--
|~~__ /
| ~~__ /
| __~~ Matt W. Rodenkirch
|~~ Customer Application Engineer
| SDRC /
| 2000/ Eastman Drive
| /\ Milford, OH 45150
| / \ /
/|\o / \ /
\_/ \/ \/
Henrik Ebbesen
When hitting a big tee-shot that serenely hooks toward the OB you plead:
Come back, honey. I didn+t mean it!
Henrik
Scott C. Walker
My favorite which I just heard is to be said after someone misses what
looked to be an easy putt:
"Attention! Will Dr. Heimlich please report to the green"
--
Scott
Jeff Cohen
A quip:
Player #1 - "I hate my putter"
Player #2 - "Why don't you just buy another club?"
Player #1 - "Oh, there's nothing wrong with the club!"
My guiding swingthought:
"The more you think, the more you stink"
Jeff Rogers
How about this:
My game's been so bad lately I had to have my ball-retreiver
re-gripped.
Wayne Harrison
cgdick <cgd...@freenet.calgary.ab.ca> wrote:
>On Mon, 13 May 1996, Colin King wrote:
>> Once, when I was expecting a fade away from trouble and didn't get it I
>> mistakenly said " the g**$#mned ball went exactly where I hit it!" Since then,
>"There is no way you can defend against a ball perfectly struck that goes
>exactly where you aimed it."
> i can't believe that no one has posted this carolina favorite, when describing
the consistently inept efforts of someone in the foursome: "he can't
play dead".
a. wayne harrison
cgdick
On Mon, 13 May 1996, Denis Barsalo wrote:
> I only have two problems with my game. Distance and Direction.
There's only two hard parts to this game. Hit the ball right, and put it
in the hole.
Colin
Kevin Alexander
: On Wed, 08 May 1996 22:11:50 -0400, John A Satriano
: <john...@comcat.com> wrote:
: >>
: >> I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
: >>
: >> What are your favorites?
: >>
I think a good one is "Don't let your mouth ruin a good shot". Meaning,
although you may not always think you've hit the best shot, results
are what counts -- and if you slander your shot before you see the result
it's hard to feel good about it even if the results were favorable.
kevin/ke...@ods.com
Jeremy Bray
My favorite diagnosis of swing problems is "You're standing too close to
the ball AFTER you hit it."
In article <4mrf53$s...@dfw-ixnews4.ix.netcom.com>, ch...@ix.netcom.com
says...
>
>Played with a Cuban guy who, upon seeing my putt come up short of the
>hole by an inch, said, "That's a Cuban putt. One more revolution and
>it would have been great."
>
>Also, a friend of mine used to say to his buddies (ribbing was
>generally allowed and encouraged in these circles) when they were
>having trouble with their swings. "Here, let me take a look at your
>swing." They'd swing. "Oh, okay, I see what the problem is. You're
>not, well, you see, you're just not......."
>
>Long pause.
>
>"...good."
>
>duf...@aol.com (Duffer3) wrote:
>
>
>>While playing a round with an older gentleman, I pulled
>>up on a put and hit it far too soft. He said
>>"Son, I'd let you hit me in the nuts that hard".
>
>>After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard),
>>I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>
>>What are your favorites?
>
>
>
>
>
>>- Kerry Parker
>
>>"Work flows towards the competent
>>until they are submerged."
>
>
>
Bob Reynolds
>: On Wed, 08 May 1996 22:11:50 -0400, John A Satriano
>: <john...@comcat.com> wrote:
>
>: >>
>: >> I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
>: >>
>: >> What are your favorites?
>: >>
Don't forget the classic line offered to to your opponent while he ponders his
lie behind a big tree... "Shall I fetch the chain saw?"
--
Bob Reynolds
Dwight Williamson
** Reply to note from cgdick <cgd...@FREENET.CALGARY.AB.CA> 05/15/96 06:15am
-0600
My ball goes to the right quite often, guess I should be pretty good? :-)
>
> Colin
Dwight Williamson
*****************************************************
** Go to other people's funerals, otherwise **
** they might not come to yours. **
** Yogi Berra **
*****************************************************
All expressed opinions are mine and should not be otherwise construed.
DARREN MARCY
The standard for any sport, but really applies to golf, "I'd rather
be lucky than good," after your tee-shot that is forty yards off line
on a par three hits a three and bounces onto the green. <G>
Darren
-------------------------------------------------------------
| Darren W. Marcy mar...@peanut.enmu.edu |
| 505-356-2697 America Online - DW Marcy |
-------------------------------------------------------------
My apologies for my inability to type. I probably need the ball to
hit a tree rather than a three to bounce toward the green. Geez.
Danny Geyser
As the other guy starts to address his ball, ask him "By the way, do
you inhale or exhale during your swing?"
--
"Love those bikini-waxed greens"
-Danny da...@sgs.es.hac.com
[all opinions expressed are my own]
Paal Naess
go...@bway.net (Ron Williams) wrote:
>A putt that lips out has "Liprosy".
Or it didn't have tickets, or it wasn't invited.
Paal
ch...@ix.netcom.com
How about:
Player 1: What's your handicap?
Player 2: My handicap? The fact that I can't play golf!
Keith Sparacin
I hit a ball real thin. It was rolling on the ground and hit a bird.
The bird wobbled like it was drunk and then died. I got both a birdie
and a bogey on that hole.
That kind of shot is sometimes called a "worm-burner". The next time I
hit a low shot, another player asked where did it go? And of course I
had to say it was a "birdie-killer". Everyone knew what I meant.
Keith
John D. Miller
I had heard it as:
"Does your HUSBAND play , too?"
Regards,
Jack Miller
john...@comcat.com (John A Satriano) wrote:
QUOTE:
Ken Greenwood wrote:
>
> On Wed, 08 May 1996 22:11:50 -0400, John A Satriano
> <john...@comcat.com> wrote:
>
> >>
> >> I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
> >>
> >> What are your favorites?
> >>
>
> Our favorite when a member of our group leaves a putt well short is:
>
> "does your husband play too?"
>
> Ken
One day I hit a well short one and my buddy says :"Does your wife play too?"
After a several second pause we started rolling on the green while he scratched
his head....
UNQUOTE
Mark S. Swiencki
One I've used for years on a skulled shot that runs up on the
green a "chop & run"
The good thing about golf is the last shot allways goes in.
--
Ski.
-------------------------------------------------------
Mark S. Swiencki - Systems Analyst
Section of General Internal Medicine
M. D. Anderson Cancer Center
s...@utmdacc.mda.uth.tmc.edu
-------------------------------------------------------
Tim MacEachern
duf...@aol.com (Duffer3) wrote:
>What are your favorites?
All right, I tried to resist...
My golf is like being at a maternity hospital. All day it's PUSH, PUSH,
PUSH...
After hitting a tree, I usually ask the most likely fellow competitor if
he has any bark remover left...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim MacEachern |Tim_Mac...@atl.sofkin.ca, Software Specialist.
Software Kinetics Ltd.|Single father of four-year-old Laura, still I
Dartmouth, Nova Scotia|play golf, piano, bridge, read, run ...
Canada |Meet us at http://ccn.cs.dal.ca/~ae721/Profile.html
Terry Pierce
You've got a great short game...off the tee.
--
=====================================================================
TERRY PIERCE || pie...@admin.son.uab.edu
UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA || tpi...@wwisp.com
SCHOOL OF NURSING || all opinions are mine alone
=====================================================================
John A Satriano
Bob Reynolds wrote:
>
> Don't forget the classic line offered to to your opponent while he ponders his
> lie behind a big tree... "Shall I fetch the chain saw?"
>
Or: You'll need the tree iron for this one...
--
John A Satriano
Member: Bogey Golfers of America
------ Visit our Web Site -------
Danny Geyser
John D. Miller (jmi...@telenet.com) wrote:
: I had heard it as:
: "Does your HUSBAND play , too?"
Not enough coffee this morning, Jack? Wake up!
That was precicely the point. The guy told the joke "backwards" and
didn't realize it. The rest of the group thought this was funny.
Apparently it got funnier when he failed to understand why they were
laughing and just "scratched his head".
John D. Miller
ap...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Maria L. Evans) wrote:
QUOTE:
Ok, Squeaks said I was a woossie-woos if I didn't post this, so here goes....
Was playing in a local scramble where if you were smart enough to put
someone with two X chromosomes on your team who could keep you in play, you
got some good distance on the teeboxes. Ended up cranking a drive when we
needed it on a long par 5. The group we were paired up with didn't
think we could hear them but the wind was blowing in our direction.
One says to the other, "Man, if my wife could drive like that, I'd give
her the best five minutes of my life EVERY NIGHT!"
^^^
Had to smack the butts of the guys in my group when they started
discussing the possibility of rental...(!#!)
UNQUOTE
MAria,
Now if the 'man' had offered thusly:
"I'd give her the best five minutes of HER life EVERY NIGHT..."
would you have entertained offers ??? ;-) for the humor impaired!
Five minutes? Ha. The same guy probably takes five hours on the golf course
and can only give his wife five minutes! What a loser!
Regards,
Jack Miller
Danny Geyser
: "Does your HUSBAND play , too?"
: Regards,
: Jack Miller
Nick.T...@vai-tor.ccmail.valmet.com
I think this came from a baseball movie, but I like to use it
when coming up to a long, wide open fairway to psyche myself up.
I walk over to my golf bag, with confidence I firmly grab my driver
and in a slight southern drawl, at least what passes for one from
a Canuck, I proclaim:
"It's time to let the big dawg eat!"
I won't say what the dawg usually ends up eating :-)
Nick Tristani
Robert Jessie
"If that had been straight...".
BJ
--
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* http://www.dca.net/golf/ Robert Jessie *
* National Assoc. of Left-Handed Golfers 1-800-884-NALG *
******************************************************************
Joren Reyes
ch...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
ch...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
>How about:
Player 2 Can also say....MY SWING!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joren Reyes mail: jre...@ix.netcom.com
GOLF IS LIKE TAXES...........
........you drive hard to make the green - then end up in the hole.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Kleist
In article <319344...@one.net>, pkg...@one.net wrote:
> Duffer3 wrote:
> >
> > After regaining my compuser (from laughing so hard),
> > I started thinking about other "Golf-isms".
> >
> > What are your favorites?
> >
> We have always called guys "Alice" and "Betty" when they leave a putt
> short -- but are in no wya implying that women are weak ;-)
Isn't "Alice" spelled "Alliss" after Peter Alliss?
Don Kleist kle...@gdls.com
"Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess."
ch...@ix.netcom.com
My pro sometimes says, "Swing like that and you'll be playing "Army
Golf." LEFT, right, LEFT, right..." (indicating the alternate sides
of the fairway... )
Dwight Williamson
John Daly wannabe steps and proceeds to barely hit the top of the
ball and dribbles it a few feet off the tee box:
Grip it and top it!
Mark S. Swiencki
In article <4nfqjr$p...@dfw-ixnews8.ix.netcom.com>,
jre...@ix.netcom.com says...
>
>ch...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
>
>
>ch...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
>
>>How about:
>
>>Player 1: What's your handicap?
>
>>Player 2: My handicap? The fact that I can't play golf!
>
>Player 2 Can also say....MY SWING!!!
Or I have a full time job.
John D. Miller
d...@pegasus.bl-els.att.com (Dave Tutelman) wrote:
QUOTE
In article <3197fb4f....@news.mindspring.com>,
Jeff Rogers <jwro...@mindspring.com> wrote:
>... My buddy took a massive swing from the
>fairway, but his ball never got more than a foot off the ground-- you
>know the type, bouncing for all they are worth toward the green--
>The stranger in our foursome looked at the ball and said, "Run,
>Forrest, Run!!" It works well with a south Georgia accent...
Under similar circumstances:
"Run like you stole something!"
UNQUOTE
Or like my dad, a retired Philly policeman says:
"Run Like The Cops Are Chasing You"!
He ought to know!
Regards,
Jack "QUOTEUNQUOTE" SAVES BANDWIDTH!!" Miller
Wayne Rhodes
A poster to rsg (who I haven't seen in a while?) used to use this in his
signature:
"Drive for show. Putt for dough. Shank for comic relief."
Wayne Rhodes fd...@clark.net gtx...@prodigy.com
I hope we all shoot our age someday,
even if it takes 120 years to do it......
Alan D. Smith
Our group was waiting to tee off before four young, 'macho' guys
who were obviously into the seriously competitive aspects of the
game. The first guy hits a drive a good 280-300 yards; very
impressive. Next guy up virtually hits the other guy's ball and
goes another 10-15 yar
ds.
Next guy up hits it, I swear, all of 6 feet. He is very, very,
VERY disgusted and turns to the guy standing near his bag and
says, "throw me another #$%&$#%% ball!."
The guy looks at him and in a dead-calm voice, "Why, sure, no
sense in your walking all that way...."
I thought I was going to pee my pants.
AS
Paul Petropoulos
When a put stops an inch or two short of the cup, it's known as a "South
American putt. All it needs is one more revolution." Also, "Elvis has
left the building" after launching one OB.
--
===============================
* Paul Petropoulos *
* Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada *
* petr...@cyberspc.mb.ca *
* petr...@rpm2.aes.mb.doe.ca *
===============================
Joren Reyes
GTX...@prodigy.com (Wayne Rhodes) wrote:
>"Drive for show. Putt for dough. Shank for comic relief."
Also,
Drive for show, putt like S___T!!!!
cgdick
One of those bad days, reply to a "How was it?".
"The only good ball I hit all day was when I stepped on a rake."
Under consoling remarks, "It's a hard game."
Colin
Bob & Gail Kaku
A South African friend of mine made this observation about Americans:
"You Americans like to talk about golf at work, and you like to talk
about work on the golf course"
--
Bob and Gail Kaku, San Jose, California USA
bgk...@rahul.net
~~~ Home Page - http://www.rahul.net/bgkaku ~~~
<<<---Cruising in the Diamond Lane of the Information Superhighway--->>>
Patrick Salmon
For the putt that rolls (not!) across the particularly bumpy green:
"Looked good in the air!"
Patrick Salmon, FTP-NEA, Tallahassee, FL. (PSa...@ftp.nea.org).
Tel: (904)222-7769, Fax: (904)222-1840. CI$:100315,1232
Childish Logic: "That dead caterpillar's gone. It must have turned into a
dead butterfly". Kiera Salmon, age 5.
Disclaimer Applies.
John D. Miller
da...@sgs.es.hac.com (Danny Geyser) wrote:
QUOTE
John D. Miller (jmi...@telenet.com) wrote:
: I had heard it as:
: "Does your HUSBAND play , too?"
Not enough coffee this morning, Jack? Wake up!
That was precicely the point. The guy told the joke "backwards" and
didn't realize it. The rest of the group thought this was funny.
Apparently it got funnier when he failed to understand why they were
laughing and just "scratched his head".
UNQUOTE
Braindead as charged. i plead guilty and throw myself on the mercy of the
rsg court. Of course considering my previous convictions, I would say
the chair is a fair sentence.
Let this be a warning to all other men out there whose wives are trying
to switch tem to decaf!
Regards,
Jack
Ralph D Whaley Jr
After watching a fellow player miss 3 sand shots in a row, I like to quip:
"You better use the HAND wedge!"
Ralph Whaley
DENNIS CONROY
A Golf-ism I coined many years ago that I use frequently is:
" It's not the putter, it's the putter."
Bill Marin
When you leave a club next to the green at the previous green, that is
known as "clubandonment"
LeapTeak
Got this one in a recent round playing with a stranger after we both
smoked our drives off the tee. As we walked to our balls it became clear
that mine went about 15 yards farther partner said
"Damn backspin gets me every time"
Trouble was he was serious
Jeff Perryman
My friend Tony, he of the "blacksmith's touch", on his approach shot:
"I'm just a pitch and a putt, and a putt, and a putt...."
Jeff Perryman
As yet un-delurked
Ken Greenwood
A sage man once was heard to say when fellows were berating or tossing
their clubs:
"It's not the arrows - it's the archer"
gunga lagunga
Ken
p9...@unb.ca
How about these little sayings:
When you walk down the fairway and you pull up beside you opponents ball,
say: "Who's using the Cheapy!!!"
or...
"Thats a great shot.......for you"
or...
next time you hit a shank say:
That was deliberate...only real professionals can hit a shank when they want
to.
or...
"Who couldn't hit a ball out of sight in a fog"
or...
"have you ever thought about getting into real-estate?...you take so much land
with your divots you could sell it!"
or...
IF I had of...........
or...
Man...i only hit two good balls for the day...and I stood on a rake to do that!
or...
"Your putting reminds of a swordfight"
or...
when someone leaves a putt short, say: "Where's you skirt"
or...
if you hit it thin and it runs along the ground..call it a "Worm Raper!"
or...
If you overshoot a green and you expect your ball to spin, say:
"C'mon Titleist...do your stuff"
or...
If you partner is having a bad day, say:
"I know of one award you will win today...the NAGA award:
Not A Golfers Asshole!
Cheers,
Adrian.
SDGOLF
Whenever somebody misses the green with their approach shot (or tee shot
on a par 3), someone in the group will always say, "A chip and a putt".
TGYU1025
A retired couple contemplating life without each other, asked if the
husband would let a new lady friend (after her demise) use her set of golf
clubs. The husband replied "Oh no! She's left-handed!
Dave Tutelman
Speaking of favorite golf-isms, today I received in the mail a book, a
collection of "the best quotes about golf", selected by Bruce Lansky.
It's called "Golf: It's Just A Game", and consists of about 100 pages
of golf-isms. (Meadowbrook Press, ISBN 0-88166-248-8)
I know it did involve a selection process, because I helped them in the
selection -- as did a bunch of other RSGers. I'm sure you'll see a bunch
of familiar names in the "reading panel for the project".
Not getting any money out of this, so it's not a commercial announcement.
(Just got a comp of the book.)
Cheers!
Dave
cello
If someone hits a badly-aimed but lucky shot that goes through the
branches of a tree, you can say: "I read somewhere that trees are 90%
air..."
Ciao.
Marcello.
Thomas P. Barreca
And if the ball hits a branch or leaves, you can say, "so is a screen
door"!
Tom B.
Dave Richards
> If someone hits a badly-aimed but lucky shot that goes through the
> branches of a tree, you can say: "I read somewhere that trees are 90%
> air..."
>
> Ciao.
> Marcello.
So is a screen door.
Matthew Mitchell
The guys who joined up with me today (don't get me going about the foursome
with the three-hour front nine holding back the whole [blasphemy] course,
or the management who wouldn't do anything about it) had an interesting
one.
One of them topped his drive, rolling it just right of the red. His
partner said: "Now you gotta walk with your d*** hanging out."
Dave Tutelman
In article <mbtdzr-0106...@cs4-10.mil.ptd.net>,
Dave Richards <mbt...@postoffice.ptd.net> wrote:
>In article <31B0C4...@netbusiness.it>, cello <ce...@netbusiness.it> wrote:
>> If someone hits a badly-aimed but lucky shot that goes through the
>> branches of a tree, you can say: "I read somewhere that trees are 90%
>> air..."
>
The latest theory on this, which has been advanced by Fred Stluka (you
subscribed yet, Fred?) is that you must say it AFTER the shot has been
struck but BEFORE it hits the tree, or it won't work. He demonstrated
this technique to good effect this weekend.
;->
Cheers!
Dave
A.G. von Luternow
On Mon, 03 Jun 1996 08:51:54 -0500, mmit...@libertynet.org (Matthew
Mitchell) wrote:
-snip-
>
>One of them topped his drive, rolling it just right of the red. His
>partner said: "Now you gotta walk with your d*** hanging out."
>
hit his tee shot past the ladies' tee, he is supposed to finish
playing the hole with his penis exposed. In the interest of civility,
we simple track "d.o."s on the scorecard and for each d.o. a player
has at the end of the round, that player has to buy a round for the
foursome.
Don Kleist
> If someone hits a badly-aimed but lucky shot that goes through the
> branches of a tree, you can say: "I read somewhere that trees are 90%
> air..."
>
> Ciao.
> Marcello.
So is a screen door!
Don Kleist kle...@gdls.com
"Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess."
James M Hoskins
I heard this one right after I'd left a 12 foot
eagle putt on line, but 2 inches short of the cup:
"100% of all eagle putts left short don't go in
the hole."
Mark Frampton
> >One of them topped his drive, rolling it just right of the red. His
I had a worm burner drive that ended up about 150yds out. My partner
looked up and said, "Nice putt". I wanted to do a stomping on him. :-)
Mario Mirabile
>cello <ce...@netbusiness.it> wrote:
>If someone hits a badly-aimed but lucky shot that goes through the
>branches of a tree, you can say: "I read somewhere that trees are 90%
>air..."
The usual consequence of this is that, on average, a ball will make it 90%
of the way through the branches of a tree before it hits something 8-) . I can
personally vouch for the accuracy of this claim, and have found that it hold
true for many different species of tree.
===================================
Mario Mirabile Melbourne, Australia
mar...@connexus.apana.org.au
===================================
acss...@acs.eku.edu
> The guys who joined up with me today (don't get me going about the foursome
> with the three-hour front nine holding back the whole [blasphemy] course,
> or the management who wouldn't do anything about it) had an interesting
> one.
>
> One of them topped his drive, rolling it just right of the red. His
> partner said: "Now you gotta walk with your d*** hanging out."
^^^^
should be... finish this hole...
Dudley Cornman
Systems Programmer
Academic Computing Services - EKU
ACSS...@ACS.EKU.EDU
********************************************************************
*** When it comes to boats... ***
*** I'd rather have a new boat than a used boat... ***
*** I'd rather have a Baja than a Bayliner... ***
*** I'd rather have a used Bayliner than no boat at all... ***
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