Battier
Glenn Tanner
Jason Williams' announcement last week that he will stay in
school, Shane Battier announced this morning that he will be
staying at Duke to play college basketball indefinitely.
Duke officials confirmed that the NCAA had given Battier
"Ambassador" status, thus allowing him to remain on the Blue
Devils' roster "as long as Coach K and Dick Vitale deem
appropriate."
"I wanted to do what's best for myself, Coach K's program,
and my teammates," Battier said in a statement. "Plus, why
would I want to go to the NBA? Duke players suck in the
pros."
A spokesperson for the NCAA also indicated that for the rest
of his NCAA career, which many expect could last for another
16-18 years, Mr. Battier would be equipped with a special
whistle during games so that he could call his own fouls.
"Our referees do their best to help Shane, but as anyone
could have seen from the Feb. 1 game with North Carolina,
they're going to occasionally inhibit his game. Since Shane
knows the game better than anyone, we feel it's best just to
let him be a "player-ref" so that college basketball can
more closely resemble Dick Vitale's vision of the game."
When reached for comment, representatives of several other
ACC institutions indicated that this development was
disappointing, but not altogether surprising. Reaction on
Duke's campus, however, was considerably more positive.
Chants of "Who's Your Daddy, Battier?" "Who's My Daddy,
Battier?" "Who's Everybody's Daddy, Battier?" rung out from
a group of East Campus students early Tuesday morning until
they apparently realized that none of them actually
understood what the chant meant.
Molly Hartsfield, a Duke junior from Camden, NJ, was quoted
as saying, "It's just a real tribute to Shane. He's so
committed to Duke, and so smart -- just look at him -- he
even wears his brain on the outside of his head."
Hartsfield then inexplicably raised her fist in a defiant
"Duke Power" salute, and stared at the Carolina Blue sky for
several minutes before making her way to class.
An excited Coach K had the following statement: "I've always
said this game is not about wins, it's about relationships.
I think this goes a long way toward showing Will Avery what
a moron he is, and what a genius I am. Shane represents
everything this program stands for, and he's welcome to stay
at Duke as long as he likes. After that, I don't give a @#$%
what he does. Who am I, Dean Smith?"
Bill Lang
Glenn Tanner <gt...@swt.edu> wrote in message
news:3ACCC1DA...@swt.edu...
> A spokesperson for the NCAA also indicated that for the rest
> of his NCAA career, which many expect could last for another
> 16-18 years, Mr. Battier would be equipped with a special
> whistle during games so that he could call his own fouls.
> "Our referees do their best to help Shane, but as anyone
> could have seen from the Feb. 1 game with North Carolina,
> they're going to occasionally inhibit his game. Since Shane
> knows the game better than anyone, we feel it's best just to
> let him be a "player-ref" so that college basketball can
> more closely resemble Dick Vitale's vision of the game."
This part was great. Hey he's a religion major. We can trust him.
mutt
jbird
This is award winning except it's about an irrelevant sport
Rock Walker
Why the HAYULL wasn't this crossposted?
--
@>---,---'-----
Rock Walker
http://www.geocities.com/jrstryker
"He who rides the tiger is afraid to dismount."
Charles Hoequist, Jr.
Glenn Tanner wrote:
[snipped to allow me to type without getting
laugh cramps]
It's taken me several minutes just to get this sentence
typed, I've been laughing so hard.
I forgive you for all those links.
Christ, I'm still laughing. I hereby nominate this
post for a RUTSie. Or maybe two.
-c.h.
and I don't even follow basketball
Lizabeth
"Charles Hoequist, Jr." <c...@cpk.auc.dk> wrote in message
news:3ACD684F...@cpk.auc.dk...
>
>
> Christ, I'm still laughing. I hereby nominate this
> post for a RUTSie. Or maybe two.
>
Seconded.
Glenn A Tanner
Charles Hoequist, Jr. <c...@cpk.auc.dk> wrote:
>
>
>Glenn Tanner wrote:
>[snipped to allow me to type without getting
> laugh cramps]
>
>It's taken me several minutes just to get this sentence
>typed, I've been laughing so hard.
>
>I forgive you for all those links.
>
>Christ, I'm still laughing. I hereby nominate this
>post for a RUTSie. Or maybe two.
Unfortunately, I didn't write it. See, I now drool.
GT
Michael Masin
--
Mike Masin
GO CANES