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Conjuring John Keith Taylor
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agavi...@gmail.com
Oct 20, 2014, 7:36:11 PM10/20/14
to
I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE!!!
Fellow Volunteer Fans,
To me, the Tennessee-Alabama game is the HIGHEST of my HIGH HOLY
DAYS. It is bigger than my birthday, the 4th of July, or all of the
Federal Holidays that I get all combined. It is the one day of the
year that I literally think about every single day the other 364. Not
a single solitary day goes by that I don't somehow, someway think
about the Tennessee-Alabama game. I live in north Alabama, so I see a
lot of BAMA paraphernalia.
Every time I see an Alabama Bumper sticker I think about THE GAME.
Every time I see someone wearing an Alabama sweatshirt or T-shirt, I
think about THE GAME. Every time I see the color red, I think about
THE GAME. I hate the color red. Red is the one color that refuse to
wear. My wife will pick out a shirt or a pair of shorts in a store
that she thinks will look good on me. If it is crimson or red I will
refuse to buy it. My wife bought a new car. A red one. It is a cool
car, but I hate the color. Every time I see it, I think about THE
GAME. If I pull up to a traffic light and the signal is red, I think
about THE GAME. What makes it worse is there is usually some "bubba"
in front of me with a BAMA bumper sticker. If I'm lucky enough to be
first at the light, then the idiot on the other side of the
intersection will have a BAMA license plate on their front bumper.
GOD, I HATE BAMA! Every single night when you watch the sports news
in
the Huntsville-Decatur area, there is going to be something said
about
the Crimson Tide and I will think about THE GAME. Every time I see a
Birmingham Paper and I see Paul Finebaum or Bill Lumpkin's columns,
you can bet that somehow they are going to work in at least one
sentence about the Crimson Tide. It makes no difference that they
might be writing a column about equestrian or water polo. There is a
restaurant up the road from where I work where I often have lunch.
They have a picture of Paul "Bear" Bryant on the wall behind the cash
register. I see that DAMN PICTURE, and I immediately think about THE
GAME.
For me, BAMA not Florida, is Tennessee's nemesis. I HATE BAMA's
GUTS. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE with every word I speak, every
blink of my eyes, every thought that I have, every breath I take, and
every beat of my heart. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE. I literally
cannot stand the sight of 'em. When I first moved to north Alabama
and
was single, I glued an Alabama decal to the bottom of my commode. It
was a "natural law" on Saturday afternoon that you would sit around
the apartment all day watching college football and drinking beer. It
was a rule that you had to yell, "P*** ON ALABAMA" every time you
went
to the bathroom. (no, I didn't have a wife or kids at that time) It
was even better when I had to sit down. :-)
I HATE BAMA because most of their fans are a bunch of dumb a**,
cousin dating, illiterate, rednecks who couldn't find Tuscalosa on a
map of the State of Alabama if the Southeastern Conference
Championship depended on it. Shucks, half of 'em probably can't find
the State of Alabama on a map of the United States. They are so dumb
that they proudly wear flip-flops and overalls out on the town to
Walmart on a Saturday night because they can't tie their own shoes or
zip up their pants. However, they proudly fly those BAMA flags from
the window of their new 1996 Red Chevrolet or Dodge pick-up trucks
with their BAMA bumper stickers on the rear bumper. The truck
probably
cost 3 times their annual income, but is worth 5 times more than the
1970's model house trailer that they proudly park it in front of next
to a brand new satellite dish so they can watch their "beloved"
CRIMSON TIDE play and fail to cover the spread against the likes of
Bowling Green, Southern Miss, Tulane, etc., etc. on Pay-Per-View.
Every once in a while, BAMA plays a really, REALLY, BIG GAME against
seasoned, SEC opponents like Kentucky or Vanderbilt. Isn't it strange
that one of BAMA's permanent SEC Eastern Division Opponents is
Vanderbilt? What is sad is the idiot BAMA FANS who actually will
engage you in a conversation about how the "Green Wave" or
"Vanderbilt" could actually give BAMA a tough game. Then, after BAMA
only beats one of these "bunnies" by one or two touchdowns, they get
mad because BAMA didn't climb 6 places in the A.P. Top 25 Poll. Then,
I HATE BAMA because I got to listen to these same BAMA FANS explain
why the reason that BAMA didn't cover the spread against Vandy,
Tulane, or Brownie Troop 247 is BECAUSE (Are y'all ready for this?),
"Stallings didn't want Tennessee and Auburn to really see what BAMA
has for a team. They are just sandbagging until later in the season
when they bring out the big guns." UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I HATE BAMA because of those two dip**** fans who go to games with a
roll of toilet paper stuck on a box of Tide washing powder held with
plungers. I don't think I've ever watched a BAMA game that those two
idiots somehow don't wind up on television.
I HATE BAMA because David Palmer got not one, but TWO DUI's and the
BAMA GRAD JUDGE gave him "youthful offender status" so he could play
football for the Crimson Tide when they won the '92 national
championship. If that had been you or I, we'd still be in jail.
I HATE BAMA because they are a bunch of ARROGANT WHINERS. Last
year when BAMA lost to Arkansas, they got upset because of a blown
call by the officials. This happens all the time in football and is
simply part of the game. Sometimes the breaks go your way, and
sometimes they go the other way. BUT NOT FOR BAMA, THEY GOT THE WHOLE
ENTIRE SEC OFFICIATING CREW SUSPENDED FOR A WEEKEND BECAUSE THEY HAD
THE AUDACITY TO BLOW A CALL THAT WOULD HAVE GONE IN BAMA's FAVOR.
I HATE BAMA because they play over half their HOME games in Legion
Field, but argued that it was a NEUTRAL SITE when it came time to
play
Auburn. I always felt sorry for Auburn fans for having to put up with
that crap.
I HATE BAMA because they still talk about Paul Bear Bryant in the
present tense. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the late
Paul Bryant, but I am sick and tired of some dip**** redneck Bama Fan
who, while pumping gas at the gas station, sees my "GO BIG ORANGE"
license plate on the front of my car and starts telling me what THE
BEAR would have done if he had been coaching the VOLS against
Florida.
I already know what the f*%$@#g BEAR would have been doing. HE WOULD
HAVE BEEN MOLDING BECAUSE HE IS DEAD.
Bama Fans are almost as bad as Elvis fans when it comes to this. I
say
"almost" because, to my knowledge, Bama fans don't dress up like the
Bear and hold a candlelight vigil at his graveside the way fans of
the
King do in Memphis every year. Q: How many Bama fans does it take to
change a light bulb? A: 75,001 - one to change the bulb and 75,000 to
sit in Bryant-Denny Stadium and talk about how good the old bulb was.
Several years ago, I was listening to the Rush Limbaugh radio show
and
a lady called him from somewhere in Alabama. When Rush introduced her
and said the name of the town, and state she was from she started
talking about being raised in Alabama, and emphasized the fact that
it
was the same state that Bear Bryant was from. I'm driving along and
wondering, "Does this lady actually believe that there is anyone with
any intelligence whatsoever who doesn't know where THE BEAR is from?"
Then I realized the point. She was honestly believed that she was
supposed to be special and privileged because she happened to live in
the same State as the late Bear. She didn't have anything to
contribute to Rush's Show, she apparently just wanted to make that
point. He rather quickly got rid of her. I was so white knuckled from
gripping the steering wheel and cursing The Crimson Tide and her
arrogance that I almost had to pull over.
I HATE BAMA JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE BAMA. BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I HATE
BAMA
BECAUSE TENNESSEE LOST TO THEM 9 TIMES IN A ROW FROM 1986 UNTIL 1995.
IT LITERALLY COST ME THE BEST YEARS OF MY COLLEGE FOOTBALL VIEWING
LIFE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE 6-9 LOSS TO BAMA IN KNOXVILLE IN 1990.
THAT WAS THE LONGEST DRIVE FROM KNOXVILLE BACK TO MEMPHIS OF MY LIFE.
I DEMAND SATISFACTION. I WANT TO KILL 'EM. I'M STILL A LITTLE UPSET
THAT WE ONLY SCORED 41 POINTS AGAINST THEM LAST YEAR. I WANT MORE. I
WANT TO BEAT THEM SO BAD THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO SUIT UP AGAIN THE
REST OF THE YEAR. I WANT TUSCALOSA ERADICATED FROM THE FACE OF THE
EARTH. I DON'T HAVE TO AVOID THE RUSH, I HATE BAMA 12 MONTHS, 52
WEEKS, 365 DAYS, 8,760 HOURS, A YEAR!!!!! I HATE THEIR GUTS. IF THE
UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA WERE AN ACTUAL PERSON, I WOULDN'T ******** TO
SAVE HIS LIFE IF HIS GUTS WERE ON FIRE. A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO THERE
WAS A JOKE ABOUT A BAMA FAN'S STUPID DOG. WELL I DON'T CARE ABOUT
SOME
MANGY, FLEA AND TICK INFESTED BAMA FAN'S DOG, BUT MY DOG HATES BAMA
TOO!
I HATE BAMA because my wife is a BAMA FAN and she wears those stupid
s#^t clothes with that dang elephant on them around the house which
irritates me and really makes me think of THE GAME. But I got EVEN
with her. I converted her 8 year old son, (my stepson) to the "Path
of
ALL THAT IS ORANGE AND WHITE AND RIGHTEOUS" and now it is all he
thinks about. He wants to buy everything orange that he sees. If we
pass a construction zone going down the highway, he says, "Cool, that
guy had on an orange 'Tennessee vest'!". My wife says we're sick, and
I just don't have the heart or see the need just yet to correct my
stepson. During the taping of our wedding reception last month, my
brother happened to be standing next to the guy holding the video
camera. Todd started whistling "Rocky Top" probably without even
thinking about it. The camera picked up the sound and recorded it
perfectly. So now, every time my wife watches our wedding video,guess
what she gets to here. Of course, my stepson and I usually 'high
five'each other and start singing. I LOVE IT!
BTW, 41 points is not going to be enough points to make me happy
this year! If anyone comes across 3 tickets together, I'd love to
take
my wife and 8 year old step son to the game in Knoxville to watch the
VOLS BEAT THE EVER LIVING ELEPHANT SNOT OUT OF THOSE GOD FORSAKEN,
ARROGANT, WHINING, SPOILED ROTTEN, CRIMSON BUTTHEADS.
Fellow Volunteer Fans,
To me, the Tennessee-Alabama game is the HIGHEST of my HIGH HOLY
DAYS. It is bigger than my birthday, the 4th of July, or all of the
Federal Holidays that I get all combined. It is the one day of the
year that I literally think about every single day the other 364. Not
a single solitary day goes by that I don't somehow, someway think
about the Tennessee-Alabama game. I live in north Alabama, so I see a
lot of BAMA paraphernalia.
Every time I see an Alabama Bumper sticker I think about THE GAME.
Every time I see someone wearing an Alabama sweatshirt or T-shirt, I
think about THE GAME. Every time I see the color red, I think about
THE GAME. I hate the color red. Red is the one color that refuse to
wear. My wife will pick out a shirt or a pair of shorts in a store
that she thinks will look good on me. If it is crimson or red I will
refuse to buy it. My wife bought a new car. A red one. It is a cool
car, but I hate the color. Every time I see it, I think about THE
GAME. If I pull up to a traffic light and the signal is red, I think
about THE GAME. What makes it worse is there is usually some "bubba"
in front of me with a BAMA bumper sticker. If I'm lucky enough to be
first at the light, then the idiot on the other side of the
intersection will have a BAMA license plate on their front bumper.
GOD, I HATE BAMA! Every single night when you watch the sports news
in
the Huntsville-Decatur area, there is going to be something said
about
the Crimson Tide and I will think about THE GAME. Every time I see a
Birmingham Paper and I see Paul Finebaum or Bill Lumpkin's columns,
you can bet that somehow they are going to work in at least one
sentence about the Crimson Tide. It makes no difference that they
might be writing a column about equestrian or water polo. There is a
restaurant up the road from where I work where I often have lunch.
They have a picture of Paul "Bear" Bryant on the wall behind the cash
register. I see that DAMN PICTURE, and I immediately think about THE
GAME.
For me, BAMA not Florida, is Tennessee's nemesis. I HATE BAMA's
GUTS. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE with every word I speak, every
blink of my eyes, every thought that I have, every breath I take, and
every beat of my heart. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE. I literally
cannot stand the sight of 'em. When I first moved to north Alabama
and
was single, I glued an Alabama decal to the bottom of my commode. It
was a "natural law" on Saturday afternoon that you would sit around
the apartment all day watching college football and drinking beer. It
was a rule that you had to yell, "P*** ON ALABAMA" every time you
went
to the bathroom. (no, I didn't have a wife or kids at that time) It
was even better when I had to sit down. :-)
I HATE BAMA because most of their fans are a bunch of dumb a**,
cousin dating, illiterate, rednecks who couldn't find Tuscalosa on a
map of the State of Alabama if the Southeastern Conference
Championship depended on it. Shucks, half of 'em probably can't find
the State of Alabama on a map of the United States. They are so dumb
that they proudly wear flip-flops and overalls out on the town to
Walmart on a Saturday night because they can't tie their own shoes or
zip up their pants. However, they proudly fly those BAMA flags from
the window of their new 1996 Red Chevrolet or Dodge pick-up trucks
with their BAMA bumper stickers on the rear bumper. The truck
probably
cost 3 times their annual income, but is worth 5 times more than the
1970's model house trailer that they proudly park it in front of next
to a brand new satellite dish so they can watch their "beloved"
CRIMSON TIDE play and fail to cover the spread against the likes of
Bowling Green, Southern Miss, Tulane, etc., etc. on Pay-Per-View.
Every once in a while, BAMA plays a really, REALLY, BIG GAME against
seasoned, SEC opponents like Kentucky or Vanderbilt. Isn't it strange
that one of BAMA's permanent SEC Eastern Division Opponents is
Vanderbilt? What is sad is the idiot BAMA FANS who actually will
engage you in a conversation about how the "Green Wave" or
"Vanderbilt" could actually give BAMA a tough game. Then, after BAMA
only beats one of these "bunnies" by one or two touchdowns, they get
mad because BAMA didn't climb 6 places in the A.P. Top 25 Poll. Then,
I HATE BAMA because I got to listen to these same BAMA FANS explain
why the reason that BAMA didn't cover the spread against Vandy,
Tulane, or Brownie Troop 247 is BECAUSE (Are y'all ready for this?),
"Stallings didn't want Tennessee and Auburn to really see what BAMA
has for a team. They are just sandbagging until later in the season
when they bring out the big guns." UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I HATE BAMA because of those two dip**** fans who go to games with a
roll of toilet paper stuck on a box of Tide washing powder held with
plungers. I don't think I've ever watched a BAMA game that those two
idiots somehow don't wind up on television.
I HATE BAMA because David Palmer got not one, but TWO DUI's and the
BAMA GRAD JUDGE gave him "youthful offender status" so he could play
football for the Crimson Tide when they won the '92 national
championship. If that had been you or I, we'd still be in jail.
I HATE BAMA because they are a bunch of ARROGANT WHINERS. Last
year when BAMA lost to Arkansas, they got upset because of a blown
call by the officials. This happens all the time in football and is
simply part of the game. Sometimes the breaks go your way, and
sometimes they go the other way. BUT NOT FOR BAMA, THEY GOT THE WHOLE
ENTIRE SEC OFFICIATING CREW SUSPENDED FOR A WEEKEND BECAUSE THEY HAD
THE AUDACITY TO BLOW A CALL THAT WOULD HAVE GONE IN BAMA's FAVOR.
I HATE BAMA because they play over half their HOME games in Legion
Field, but argued that it was a NEUTRAL SITE when it came time to
play
Auburn. I always felt sorry for Auburn fans for having to put up with
that crap.
I HATE BAMA because they still talk about Paul Bear Bryant in the
present tense. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the late
Paul Bryant, but I am sick and tired of some dip**** redneck Bama Fan
who, while pumping gas at the gas station, sees my "GO BIG ORANGE"
license plate on the front of my car and starts telling me what THE
BEAR would have done if he had been coaching the VOLS against
Florida.
I already know what the f*%$@#g BEAR would have been doing. HE WOULD
HAVE BEEN MOLDING BECAUSE HE IS DEAD.
Bama Fans are almost as bad as Elvis fans when it comes to this. I
say
"almost" because, to my knowledge, Bama fans don't dress up like the
Bear and hold a candlelight vigil at his graveside the way fans of
the
King do in Memphis every year. Q: How many Bama fans does it take to
change a light bulb? A: 75,001 - one to change the bulb and 75,000 to
sit in Bryant-Denny Stadium and talk about how good the old bulb was.
Several years ago, I was listening to the Rush Limbaugh radio show
and
a lady called him from somewhere in Alabama. When Rush introduced her
and said the name of the town, and state she was from she started
talking about being raised in Alabama, and emphasized the fact that
it
was the same state that Bear Bryant was from. I'm driving along and
wondering, "Does this lady actually believe that there is anyone with
any intelligence whatsoever who doesn't know where THE BEAR is from?"
Then I realized the point. She was honestly believed that she was
supposed to be special and privileged because she happened to live in
the same State as the late Bear. She didn't have anything to
contribute to Rush's Show, she apparently just wanted to make that
point. He rather quickly got rid of her. I was so white knuckled from
gripping the steering wheel and cursing The Crimson Tide and her
arrogance that I almost had to pull over.
I HATE BAMA JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE BAMA. BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I HATE
BAMA
BECAUSE TENNESSEE LOST TO THEM 9 TIMES IN A ROW FROM 1986 UNTIL 1995.
IT LITERALLY COST ME THE BEST YEARS OF MY COLLEGE FOOTBALL VIEWING
LIFE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE 6-9 LOSS TO BAMA IN KNOXVILLE IN 1990.
THAT WAS THE LONGEST DRIVE FROM KNOXVILLE BACK TO MEMPHIS OF MY LIFE.
I DEMAND SATISFACTION. I WANT TO KILL 'EM. I'M STILL A LITTLE UPSET
THAT WE ONLY SCORED 41 POINTS AGAINST THEM LAST YEAR. I WANT MORE. I
WANT TO BEAT THEM SO BAD THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO SUIT UP AGAIN THE
REST OF THE YEAR. I WANT TUSCALOSA ERADICATED FROM THE FACE OF THE
EARTH. I DON'T HAVE TO AVOID THE RUSH, I HATE BAMA 12 MONTHS, 52
WEEKS, 365 DAYS, 8,760 HOURS, A YEAR!!!!! I HATE THEIR GUTS. IF THE
UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA WERE AN ACTUAL PERSON, I WOULDN'T ******** TO
SAVE HIS LIFE IF HIS GUTS WERE ON FIRE. A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO THERE
WAS A JOKE ABOUT A BAMA FAN'S STUPID DOG. WELL I DON'T CARE ABOUT
SOME
MANGY, FLEA AND TICK INFESTED BAMA FAN'S DOG, BUT MY DOG HATES BAMA
TOO!
I HATE BAMA because my wife is a BAMA FAN and she wears those stupid
s#^t clothes with that dang elephant on them around the house which
irritates me and really makes me think of THE GAME. But I got EVEN
with her. I converted her 8 year old son, (my stepson) to the "Path
of
ALL THAT IS ORANGE AND WHITE AND RIGHTEOUS" and now it is all he
thinks about. He wants to buy everything orange that he sees. If we
pass a construction zone going down the highway, he says, "Cool, that
guy had on an orange 'Tennessee vest'!". My wife says we're sick, and
I just don't have the heart or see the need just yet to correct my
stepson. During the taping of our wedding reception last month, my
brother happened to be standing next to the guy holding the video
camera. Todd started whistling "Rocky Top" probably without even
thinking about it. The camera picked up the sound and recorded it
perfectly. So now, every time my wife watches our wedding video,guess
what she gets to here. Of course, my stepson and I usually 'high
five'each other and start singing. I LOVE IT!
BTW, 41 points is not going to be enough points to make me happy
this year! If anyone comes across 3 tickets together, I'd love to
take
my wife and 8 year old step son to the game in Knoxville to watch the
VOLS BEAT THE EVER LIVING ELEPHANT SNOT OUT OF THOSE GOD FORSAKEN,
ARROGANT, WHINING, SPOILED ROTTEN, CRIMSON BUTTHEADS.
Michael Press
Oct 21, 2014, 1:25:11 AM10/21/14
to
Can you spell C-A-T-H_E_X_I-S?
--
Michael Press
--
Michael Press
JGibson
Oct 21, 2014, 10:51:54 AM10/21/14
to
On Monday, October 20, 2014 7:36:11 PM UTC-4, the_andr...@yahoo.com wrote:
>
> BTW, 41 points is not going to be enough points to make me happy
>
> this year! If anyone comes across 3 tickets together, I'd love to
>
> take
>
> my wife and 8 year old step son to the game in Knoxville to watch the
>
> VOLS BEAT THE EVER LIVING ELEPHANT SNOT OUT OF THOSE GOD FORSAKEN,
>
> ARROGANT, WHINING, SPOILED ROTTEN, CRIMSON BUTTHEADS.
So how old is the 8 year old now?
>
> BTW, 41 points is not going to be enough points to make me happy
>
> this year! If anyone comes across 3 tickets together, I'd love to
>
> take
>
> my wife and 8 year old step son to the game in Knoxville to watch the
>
> VOLS BEAT THE EVER LIVING ELEPHANT SNOT OUT OF THOSE GOD FORSAKEN,
>
> ARROGANT, WHINING, SPOILED ROTTEN, CRIMSON BUTTHEADS.
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