sports bytes 19 pt. 1
Gary Gambino Sr.
sports bytes: for the fans, by the fans
issue no. 19 5-15-97
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table of contents--part one
---------------------------
game dude by gary gambino sr., editor-in-chief
electronbag by the readers of sports bytes
from the dugout by dylan sides, mlb columnist
borderlines by vern faulkner, senior columnist
**********
game dude
by gary gambino sr.
mailto:gdga...@homer.louisville.edu
"I command this family, right or wrong!"
We have a couple of "housekeeping" items here at SB Central as the
NBA and NHL playoffs enter gut-check territory. First, Dane S. Muramoto will
be our NHL columnist in the absence of Stephen Hunt. Exactly how long that
absence will be is unknown, because he hasn't checked in for a couple of
weeks, but Dane has been on these pages before and will give SB the benefit
of his hockey expertise. Next, Gary Simon, a Manhattan lawyer, will be our
Sports Law columnist, the product of a totally accidental meeting between he
and your beloved Grand Poobah on one of the Usenet newsgroups, where he
decried the faulty logic and conspiracy theories of certain Usenetters,
presumably those who don't subscribe to SPORTS BYTES. We had been
corresponding frequently for several days when I hit on him to be the 11th
member [12, if you count Stephen] member of our team. Lawyer jokes are
hereby encouraged by the Poobah. Show me whatcha got...
Living in a hockey-challenged area as I do, I hadn't heard anything
about the NHL's infamous "Crease Rule." After Game 4 of the Flyers-Sabres
series, won in overtime 5-4 by Buffalo, I knew it all too well. And as far
as what Vern Faulkner wrote in his BORDERLINES column last week, you go, V.
The rule smells. The NHL has turned the fastest, most beautiful sport in the
world into an interminable series of delays in which the game officials spend
more time in front of the video replay monitor than they do officiating the
game. What is this, "Beavis and Butt-head" on ice?
"Whoa! That LeClair dude was in the crease!"
"No way, Butt-head...his skate was on the line."
"Beavis, you dillweed, they took the goal away from the Flyers!"
"FLYER! FLYER! FLYER!"
"Settle down, Beavis. These games sure are long. Why can't they
just kick each other's a**es instead? That would RULE! This league is
complicated."
"That sucks!"
I feel exactly the same way about this insipid, picayune,
over-enforced exercise in anal retentiveness. Yes, I understand the
reasoning behind this thing, but as Vern said, enough is enough.
[Vern said the Crease Rule controversy has been done to death in the
media and on the Internet. Now Gambz has spoken.]
It has been several months since Anfernee "Whiny Boy" Hardaway has
been instrumental in the firing of an Orlando Magic coach. What is this
world coming to? Meanwhile, the individual TRULY responsible for Orlando's
early exit from the NBA Second Season is chillin' in Tinseltown, making bad
movies and trying to find a cure for Taco Neck Syndrome.
And in Chi-town, Jason Vicich has FINALLY convinced me that NBA officials are
giving Dennis Rodman the shaft. I have seen goodnight kisses with more force
than the push on Dikembe Mutombo that got the Worm tossed Tuesday night.
Where have you gone, Dr. Dave Walker? Seeya next week -- Melissa's
making fried chicken and collard greens tonight...
**********
electronbag
by the readers of sports bytes
edited by gambz and morris
This week, we finish up a little on the whole Fuzzy Zoeller/Kmart
boycott boondoggle, along with some other good stuff. Enjoy!
From Hjalmar Gerber, a Canadian who as you read this is witnessing the
possible downfall of American civilization vis-a-vis political correctness:
>>:The problem is that at the current rate that words are becoming
>>:"coloured" (pun intended), the super-sensitive, navel-gazing U.S.
>>:population will soon have to remain mute lest they offend a fellow
>>:citizen and risk eternal damnation.
Bill O'Bryan, with his take on Fuzzygate:
People weighing in on the Fuzzy gaffe have moved me to comment. I
believe that KMart made their decision based on more than Fuzzy's comment.
When was the last time Fuzzy won a major? Has he been a marketing coup for
KMart? I think not. I bet KMart was happy that the out-clause in the contract
gave them an opportunity to dump Fuzzy and spend their money on someone else.
You can be sure that KMart would have remained silent if Tiger had been
their spokesman in a similar gaffe. Witness Nike's reaction to Tiger's GQ
comments on lesbians and african-american body parts.
Frank Sereno:
Hi Gary,
I have to agree with your stance. Fuzzy is only human and he said
something stupid trying to be funny. All of us have done that and
probably been guilty of much worse. He didn't deserve to be canned for
that and KMart's reaction was way too severe. Obviously, KMart had a
few days to make the decision on Fuzzy and they did not make the wisest
or most considerate one. The other thing is that they are not removing
the Fuzzy Zoeller merchandise from the stores, but they will continue to
sell it until it is gone. They won't be putting it on close-out,
discount or on sale. Because of this new KMart policy, the Fuzzy
equipment may actually sell better because it might be considered to be
collectible. It will not hurt KMart in any manner to disassociate
itself from the normally very personable and affable Fuzzy Zoeller.
[Greed is good...]
On your commentary, I think you gave a pass to Tiger Woods on his
handling of the situation. Tiger could have done a lot more to ease the
tensions regarding the situation because he did leave Fuzzy hanging,
twisting in the breeze for a couple days. Fuzzy did cancel out of the
next golf tourney because he was waiting to hear from Tiger Woods. All
in all, it was a screw up all the way around. And all because someone
made a poor joke about collard greens and chicken.
Kate Piskura, with her thoughts on one of her [former] heroes, Rick "God"
Pitino:
well, yeah, Pitino isn't exactly one who sticks to his word or signature.
some how he does have great commitment and work ethic at what he is doing at
the moment. he might not have the character, but he does have the ability to
rebuild the Celtics. ADs sign all of these coaches to long term cantracts,
knowing most of them will bail out before the contracts expire. weren't
people in Kentucky expecting this at some point?
[See above comment. And as I wrote last week, they were expecting
Vaseline, which they did not get.]
That's all for this week. Keep writing!
[Word from Da Poobah: Effective next issue, we will print e-mail
addresses of all Electronbag participants. Please let us know if you do not
wish your e-address to be published. We would like to make SB an even more
interactive forum than before. And interactive is good.]
**********
from the dugout
by dylan sides
mailto:ds2...@swt.edu
http://www.swt.edu/~ds25310
There has been some noise within the ranks of baseball that it is
about time to realign the divisions once the two new expansion teams, the
Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the American League and the Arizona Diamondbacks
in the National League, begin competition next year. Tampa Bay will play
its first year in the AL West and Arizona will be in the NL West, giving
each division 5 teams. That's all fun and good, but doesn't work
goegraphically. You will have, once both teams start play next season, a
team in Florida, on the east coast, playing in a West division with four
teams on the west coast. Not fair for anyone.
This is why I have come up with three different plans for
realignment. Under any one of these plans, no team will have to switch
leagues, unlike a plan proposed last year that would have the Houston
astros switching to the American League. That would touch a raw nerve with
me and should to anyone who knows Houston Astro history. When Houston came
into baseball in 1962, they were first going to create a third league
which failed; then, baseball wanted Houston in the American League. They
wouldn't take 'em. Now that Houston has been somewhat succesful, they will
welcome my boys? Nuh uh. No way.
So these are the three plans. Sit back, read and enjoy. And if any
baseball bigwigs are reading this, take notice please. This does make some
form of sense.
Plan #1: Two leagues, American and National, three divisions in
each league consisting of 5 teams each. Division names associated with
teams' location.
Season: 161 games
96 in division-24 vs each team
40 league-4 each team
25 interleague-5 each team
National League American League
--------------------- --------------------
North North
New York Mets Boston Red Sox
Montreal Expos Detroit Tigers
Philadelphia Phillies Cleveland Indians
Pittsburgh Pirates New York Yankees
Cincinnati Reds Toronto Blue Jays
--------------------- --------------------
South South
Atlanta Braves Chicago White Sox
Florida Marlins Tampa Bay Devilrays
Houston Astros Kansas City Royals
St. Louis Cardinals Texas Rangers
Chicago Cubs Baltimore Orioles
--------------------- ---------------------
West West
Los Angeles Dodgers Seattle Mariners
San Francisco Giants Oakland Athletics
San Diego Padres Anaheim Angles
Arizona Diamondbacks Milwaukee Brewers
Colorado Rockies Minnesota Twins
Playoffs: Division winners seeded 1-3 by record. 1 wild card team with
best record.
This plan creates close rivalries with Pittsburgh/Philadelphia in
Pennsylvania, the entire NL South is close to each other. High seed plays
low seed.
Plan #2-Two Leagues America and National, four divisions in each
league, 4 teams in three divisions and 3 teams in one.
Season: 164 games
140 league eaqually weighted-10 each team
24 non-league
8 vs Pacific/Southeast
6 vs others
Division names associated with teams' locations
National League American League
--------------------- -------------------
West South
Los Angesles Dodgers Tampa Bay Devilrays
San Francisco Giants Texas Rangers
San Diego Padres Baltimore Orioles
Arizona Diamondbacks Cleveland Indians
--------------------- -------------------
Northeast Central
New York Mets Chicago White Sox
Montreal Expos Kansas City Royals
Philadelphia Phillies Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates Minnesota Twins
--------------------- -------------------
Midwest East
Houston Astros Boston Red Sox
St. Louis Cardinals New York Yankees
Chicago Cubs Detroit Tigers
Colorado Rockies Toronto Blue Jays
--------------------- -------------------
Southeast Pacific
Florida Marlins Seattle Mariners
Atlanta Braves Oakland Athletics
Cincinnati Reds Anaheim Angels
Playoffs: 4 division winners.
This makes the season mean much more than it does now. It could go
with the 4 division winners and four wild card teams, but that would make
it look a lot like basketball. Higher seed plays lower seed.
Plan #3 Two Leagues, National and American, two divisions in each
league.
Season: 162 games
East
90 division-6 teams played 13 times, 1 team 12 times
42 games vs West each 6 times
Interleague- all 15 teams 2 two games series' --once in each others'
home park
West
90 division-all teams in division 15 times
48 games vs East-play all 8 teams 6 times
Interleague same as for East division
National League American League
--------------------- -------------------
East East
New York Mets Tampa Bay Devilrays
Montreal Expos Baltimore Orioles
Atlanta Braves New York Yankees
Florida Marlins Boston Red Sox
Philadelphia Phillies Cleveland Indians
Pittsburgh Pirates Chicago White Sox
Chicago Cubs Detroit Tigers
Cincinnati Reds Toronto Blue Jays
--------------------- -------------------
West West
Los Angeles Dodgers Seattle Mariners
San Francisco Giants Oakland Athletics
San Diego Padres Anaheim Angels
Arizona Diamondbacks Texas Rangers
Colorado Rockies Kansas City Royals
Houston Astros Milwaukee Brewers
St. Louis Cardinals Minnesota Twins
---------------------- -------------------
Playoffs: Top two in each division qualify, divison winners seeded
1-2 1 plays 4, 2 plays 3
**********
borderlines - dedicated to the volunteers of sport
vern faulkner
mailto:vern@widow..spydernet.com
Before we get underway this week, there was a strange occurance:
specifically, I got an e-mail from one of my two readers:
From: Michael Hagesfeld
Just one quick comment about The Holy Month: hockey fans
certainly aren't fasting. Almost the opposite, Stanleymania must
be accompanied by chips, pizza, and Molson or Labatt's. Just my
two and a half cents... ---Mike
(Clearly a Canadian poster, judging by the preference in brands of
beer.. which expains why only 2.5 cents: the government has taxed the
other 1.5 - VF)
***********
Last Sunday was, for me, a day when I let my eyes go square.
Despite having only one real sports channel on cable, I nonetheless spent
more than a few hours watching the one-eyed oracle. The following is a
vague diary of one day's television life of a bed-ridden sports nut.
05:10
After editing chapter seven of a manuscript, I turn on the
television to watch the Grand Prix of Monaco. I have been a bit of a
Formula 1 fan for many years. Given that, I am wondering why of the
twenty-plus cars in the race, only the two Williams vehicles (including
Jaqcques Villeneuve) and one other are on slick tires in the middle of an
impending monsoon. The gaffe ends up with both racers falling back,
effectively handing the race to Michael Shumacher.
The story of the event, however, was in the appearance of a white
vehicle crossing the finishing line in second place.
Anyone remember Jackie Stewart? This year, the former world
champion (and three-time winner at Monaco) put together a new racing team.
Powered by Ford, and sponsored to a great deal by Ford as well, the
Stewart racing team had run into all of the problems of a brand new racing
team at the top level of racing; in fact, they hadn't actually finished a
race in the season, the highest placing being that of tenth when one
vehicle blew up before it could cross the line.
The Stewart team placed a special emphasis on Monaco, and it paid
off. Reubens Barichello drove in some 60 seconds after Shumacher to claim
second place - the first finish, and the first points for the Stewart team
this year.
07:45
World Cup finals, game one: Sweden versus Canada. In order to
write my impression of this game, I could probably save some time and
re-examine some clippings of material I wrote for a local hockey team. The
story is the same - plenty of talent, plenty of potential, but the
Canadians are defeated by a team that has a greater cohesion.
Despite absolutely horrid officiating, the game is well handled by
an American referee. Swedish coach Kent Forsberg - who has a repuation of
shooting his mouth off with inflammatory comments was upset that a
non-European was chosen to officiate the game - and no wonder. With the
officiating of Europeans, the Canadians have been given the short end of a
rather dirty stick. In the mid-week game against the Czech republic, the
Czech team speared, slashed, tripped, gooned, and in more cases than I
recall, crosschecked Canadian players in the teeth.
Stupid as it may have been, it was not entirely without cause that
the Canadians turned around and iniatated a brawl, working under the NHL
credo of "if the ref ain't gonna do anything, I will." The result left a
black mark on the Canadian presence, and resulted in very negative
opinion. Apparently, according to a survey conducted by a Swedish
newspaper, 82% of respondents felt that the Canadians should be banned.
Those on the other side of the issue felt that if the IIHF (International
Ice Hockey Federation) could put competent officials on-ice, the sort of
illegal play that resulted in the game getting out of hand would actually
get called.
Meanwhile, back to game one of the best-of-three final, Canadian
discipline breaks down at the end of the contest, preventing them a
reasonable chance at going into overtime. Swedes win 3-2, and deserved to
do so on the basis of better play and better teamwork..
10:30
The CART Race at Rio.
A summary of this race reads like a perfect reason why CART, not
Formula 1, should consider grooved tires for safety. In typical CART
fashion, the race was ground to a pretty boring pace because of the one
thing that CART does above all else: run under a full-course yellow.
After watching the race _start_ under yellow, and then have two or
more of the things, I switch my attention to the NHL Playoffs.
11:15
Why hasn't CBC clued into the fact that having a score in the
upper screen is handy for channel-surfers?
1:30
TSN is now showing a game at the Memorial Cup - the championship
for the best major junior team in North America. Effectively a Canadian
tournament because of how few US teams actually *have* major junior teams,
I watch the contest idly develop into a one-sided rout (last time I looked
it was 8-0 in the third....) I give up, and rest my eyes.
4:00
My day is winding down as I catch the Junior "A" finals. The
Surrey Eagles, a team in the league that I covered this year, are the
favourites going into the tourney, and are basically expected to treat the
host team, the Summerside Capitals, as a road bump to the Royal Bank
(formerly the Centennial) Cup.
The road bump bites back on a five-minute power-play, scoring
twice to even the game at 3-3 going into the third. Exceptional work is
done by Summerside to neutralize the dreaded KGB line: Kuss, Gomez, Bowers
- probably the nastiest single line in the BCHL since the days of Hull
with anyone, or Kariya with anyone.
Final score - Roadbump 4, Eagles 3, in a classic story of the
underdog coming out on top despite all odds.
7:00
Maybe my day can handle just *one* more hour of hockey. I catch
the end of Colorado/Edmonton, which I've watched during intermissions of
the game above. Detroit, of course, should consider trembling in their
boots now, as the Wings were kept in very close check by a one-line team.
***********
DRECK THAT DIDN'T GO ELSEWHERE
Now 10 for 12 in playoff predictions, my only failure was with the
Wings. I'd chosen Anaheim in seven - which looks stupid until you realize
that the Ducks could have won any of the three overtime games between the
two. Colorado in 5, maybe 6. Guts say 6, brain says 5: going with brain.
In the other series, Philly in 6, as I change my mind about the strength
of the Rangers - my early choice for Eastern Champion.
We'll close with the following comment raided without permission
from the internet, a classic perspective on what people think about the
hockey teams from the Czech republic.
- Well, actually their soccer-squad isn't quite that bad. I think they
spent more time on their feet last summer in Euro'96 than the
hockey-team did yesterday ...