Lawyer hunting in TX

0 views
Skip to first unread message

SKYDIVE

unread,
Mar 28, 1993, 2:45:40 PM3/28/93
to sky...@romulus.ehs.uiuc.edu
Reply-to: Bill....@p0.f853.n102.z1.fidonet.org (Bill Caefer)
Fido-To: all

Just thought you all might be interested in this:


A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING
AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS

We, the public, believe that grave necessity requires the
following emergency measures be immediately enacted by our
legislature.

372.01. Any person with a valid Texas state rodent or armadillo
hunting license may also legally hunt and harvest practicing
attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial)
purposes.
372.02. Taking of attorneys using United States currency as bait
is expressly prohibited. Traps, deadfalls and strong spring
jawed devices are permitted however.
372.03. The willful killing of practicing attorneys with a motor
vehicle is prohibited unless such vehicle is an ambulance
being driven in reverse. Note that if this method is used
the bag limit (Sec 372.10) may be inadvertently exceeded.
No penalty shall be levied for a single incident. If an
attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle following
too closely behind an ambulance, the attorney shall be
removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed
immediately to the nearest car wash to remove snake-oil
residue which can cause permanent stains.
372.04. It is unlawful to chase, herd, muster or harvest attorneys
from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
372.05. It is unlawful to shout "WHIPLASH," "AMBULANCE," OR
"FREE SCOTCH" in the vicinity of an attorney if the call is
being made for the sole purpose of luring and entrapping
said attorney.
372.06. It is unlawful to hunt attorneys during daylight hours within
one hundred (100) meters of a BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche
dealership excepting Wednesdays (or any day containing the
letter "Y").
372.07. It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200)
meters of court rooms, law libraries, country clubs, tow
truck or ambulance dispatch yards, any facility in the
business of manufacturing or repairing aircraft, Naval
aviator reunions, hospital emergency rooms or other known
attorney feeding places.
372.08. If an attorney gains elected office, it is not necessary to
have a license to hunt, trap, or possess same. Sections
372.01 through 372.07 are also waived for this provision.
372.09. It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a
reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor, tax
accountant or FAA employee for the purpose of hunting
attorneys.
371.10. Standard Daily Bag Limits:
Yellow bellied sidewinders 2
Two Faced tortfeesors 2
Specialty Divorce Litigators 762
Horn rimmed contingency thugs no limit, $1,000 bounty
government Attorneys:
IRS no limit
FAA no limit, $2,000 cash bounty


From the Pacific Flyer. Wide distribution approved.


--- Maximus 2.01wb
--- eecp 1.45 LM2

* Origin: <X> Infinity Ltd. HST/DS (1:102/853)
--
SKYDIVE - via FidoNet node 1:233/13 (ehsnet.fidonet.org)

Bob Bonitz

unread,
Apr 1, 1993, 12:16:40 PM4/1/93
to
In article <512.2B...@ehsnet.fidonet.org> ehsnet!f15.n233.z1.fidonet.org!SKYDIVE (SKYDIVE) writes:
>Reply-to: Bill....@p0.f853.n102.z1.fidonet.org (Bill Caefer)
>Fido-To: all
>
>Just thought you all might be interested in this:
>
>
> A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING
> AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS
>
> We, the public, believe that grave necessity requires the
>following emergency measures be immediately enacted by our
>legislature.
> .... stuff deleted ....

There they go again. More regulation. Declare open season and be done
with it! :-)

Mark Smith

unread,
Apr 1, 1993, 4:27:06 PM4/1/93
to
SKYDIVE (ehsnet!f15.n233.z1.fidonet.org!SKYDIVE) wrote:
:
: Just thought you all might be interested in this:

:
:
: A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING
: AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS
:
: We, the public, believe that grave necessity requires the
: following emergency measures be immediately enacted by our
: legislature.
:
: 372.01. Any person with a valid Texas state rodent or armadillo
: hunting license may also legally hunt and harvest practicing
: attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial)
: purposes.

Not *exactly* r.s stuff, but here it is anyway:

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road
and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the snake.

BTW... I don't mean to insult any snake lovers out there ;^) Some
of my best friends are lawyers (I do live in DC afterall--the land
of lawyers).
--
/_\ Virtual Mark Smith USPA D-13761
/-~_ \ Technologies ma...@vti.com
/ ~-_\ Incorporated 703-430-9247, FAX 703-450-4560
/_____________\ 46030 Manekin Plaza, Suite 160, Dulles, VA 20166

Why do blondes stick their heads out of the window? --to refuel.

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages