-= JOKES =-
Lars
Hey all! :)
I want to make a jokes page on my homepage. The only prob is that I
don't know many skydiving jokes.
Could you please help me out if you know any ?
Thanks in advance!
Blue Skies
Lars
Iconoclast at large
In article 19...@iu.hioslo.no, Lars <kva...@iu.hioslo.no> writes:
#>Hey all! :)
#>
#>I want to make a jokes page on my homepage. The only prob is that I
#>don't know many skydiving jokes.
#>
#>Could you please help me out if you know any ?
#>
#>Thanks in advance!
#>
#>Blue Skies
#>Lars
There are only 4 skydiving jokes (abbreviated versions):
1) Skydiver, in freefall having problems with his gear sees a
guy coming up toward him. Asks "Know anything
about parachutes?"....The guy coming up toward him
says "No, know anything about propane stoves?"
2) Guy just out of Airborne jump school telling his friend
about his experience. "We all stood up, buckled up,
shuffled toward the door, then the jumpmaster told
me to go. I said NO. He said if I didn't go he would
rape me." So his friend asks, "So, did you jump?"
The new guy says, "Yea, a little, at first."
3) First jump course...."Jump out of the plane, pull this
handle, if that doesn't work, pull this handle, then
land and a truck will be there to pick you up."
Guy jumps, pulls first handle, nothing....pulls
second handle....nothing.....says "And I bet the
truck won't be there to get me either."
4) How do blind people know when to open their chute....when
the leash on their seeing eye dog goes slack.
Rand
Joe Kaufman Jr.
Lars wrote:
>
> Hey all! :)
>
> I want to make a jokes page on my homepage. The only prob is that I
>
>
>
> Blue Skies
> Lars
A golfer goes WACK!(hits the ball),then says OH SHIT!, a skydiver says
OH Shit!, and then goes WACK!:}
Skykitten
>Lars wrote:
> Hey all! :)
>
> I want to make a jokes page on my homepage. The only prob is that I
> don't know many skydiving jokes.
>
> Could you please help me out if you know any ?
>
> Thanks in advance!
>
> Blue Skies
> Lars
What goes *THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP*?
A really baaaaaad four-way team.
So what goes *THUMP*?
A really Good four-way team. *groan*
Steve Welter
What's the difference between God & Skydivers??????
God does not think he is a SKYDIVER!!!!!!!!
John Harding
"Skykitten" <katf...@csra.net> wrote:
>What goes *THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP*?
>A really baaaaaad four-way team.
>So what goes *THUMP*?
>A really Good four-way team. *groan*
what goes THUMP, THUMP?
A Really good fourway and their camerman
Michael Badnarik
ra...@Eng.Sun.COM (Iconoclast at large) writes:
>There are only 4 skydiving jokes (abbreviated versions):
> 1) Skydiver, in freefall having problems with his gear sees a
[snip]
> 2) Guy just out of Airborne jump school telling his friend
[snip]
> 3) First jump course...."Jump out of the plane, pull this
[snip]
> 4) How do blind people know when to open their chute....when
Excellent! I knew all four IN ORDER!! <laughing> However, there *are* two
others:
5) Q: What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A: A golfer goes "WHACK! Oh, shit".
A skydiver goes "OH, SHIT! Whack!"
6) <this one works better aurally>
Q: What's the difference between a GOOD 4-way team and
a BAD 4-way team?
A: A GOOD 4-way team sounds like "whack_whack_whack_whack!"
A BAD 4-way team sounds like "whack <pause> whack_whack
<pause> whack"
(After a LONG pause, throw in another "whack" and annouce
that it was the video person.)
Admittedly, these are not all that funny, but it's a matter of self defense
when some whuffo comes up and says, "Have you heard the one about..."
Blue Skies and Witty Punch Lines!
Mike Badnarik D-13144
Michael Badnarik
From: "Joe Kaufman Jr." <sky...@ix.netcom.com>
>What's the difference between a bad hole golfing and a bad skydive?
>A golfer goes WACK!(hits the ball),then says OH SHIT!, a skydiver says
From: "Skykitten" <katf...@csra.net>
>What goes *THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP*?
>A really baaaaaad four-way team.
See! I *told* you!
I just wish I had finished reading the thread before chiming in. Luckily I
didn't *know* the "God doesn't think he's a skydiver" joke, or I'd have
insulted one *more* person.
I'll just sit here and be quiet, now.
TSW
Michael Badnarik wrote:
>
> 6) <this one works better aurally>
> Q: What's the difference between a GOOD 4-way team and
> a BAD 4-way team?
> A: A GOOD 4-way team sounds like "whack_whack_whack_whack!"
> A BAD 4-way team sounds like "whack <pause> whack_whack
> <pause> whack"
> (After a LONG pause, throw in another "whack" and annouce
> that it was the video person.)
>
>
Actually the bad 4-way team sounds like "Whack_ whack_whack_whack...."
the good 4 way team sounds like "Whack_ transition _ whack"...
bsbd,
tsw
Peter Vos
Steve Welter wrote:
>
> What's the difference between God & Skydivers??????
>
> God does not think he is a SKYDIVER!!!!!!!!
Why do women skydivers wear tampons ?
So they won't whistle on the way down.
scuse me girls !!
A newbie
JCQuist
An old skydiver died and went to heaven, where St. Peter asked if he had
any unfulfilled dreams that he would like to live out. Without having to
think, the skydiver said "Sure! I've always wanted to close 200th on a
200-way!" So St Peter arranged the dive, and the old man waited for his
slot to form. As it did, he moved in and was about to close, when this
guy with a long white beard dressed all in black swooped in a stole his
slot. He was furious and complained to St. Peter, who apologized, and
said "That was God. Sometimes he thinks he's Bill Dause..."
Apologies!
JCQ
dbakkers
Actually, a BAD 4 way will sound like Whack_whack_whack_whack... whereas
a GOOD 4 way will soud like !! WHACK !!
(ie all relative and the cameraperson chickening out)
David B
Doug Jones
Well, if we're gonna run this thread into the ground again, ;)
let me quote:
> From: bor...@ix.netcom.com(Boris Tyrol )
> Newsgroups: rec.skydiving
> Subject: Re: Whuffo jokes about skydivers
> Date: 13 Mar 1996 18:24:45 GMT
[snip]
> the way i heard it:
>
> the bad team goes in - whack whack whackwhack
>
> the good team goes in - whack 2 points whack 1 point whack whack
Amazing how this thread just keeps bouncing back...
--
Doug Jones (ran...@usa.net)
"The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow." -M. Twain
"I guess that explains why us comics are such screwed-up losers." -D. Jones
StratoStar
ran...@earth.usa.net (Doug Jones) wrote:
>Well, if we're gonna run this thread into the ground again, ;)
>let me quote:
>> From: bor...@ix.netcom.com(Boris Tyrol )
>> Newsgroups: rec.skydiving
>> Subject: Re: Whuffo jokes about skydivers
>> Date: 13 Mar 1996 18:24:45 GMT
> [snip]
>> the way i heard it:
>>
>> the bad team goes in - whack whack whackwhack
>>
>> the good team goes in - whack 2 points whack 1 point whack whack
>Amazing how this thread just keeps bouncing back...
Doug,
I didn't know that you went in for this kind of humour. Do you realise
the impact this kind of humour can have on some people?
Glenn....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skydiver: "Dear God, If you get me out of this one alive I promise I'll
never skydive again!"
God: "Yeah right!"
GlennC...@unn.unisys.com
The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of my employer
------------------------------------------------------------------------
MR. JAMES E. SMITH
Because it sacres the hell out of thier dogs!
JWJUMPS
Whats the difference between Broccoli and bugers?
You can't get children to eat Broccoli
JWJUMPS
A skydiver returned home late one evening. His wife was quite upset and
demanded to know why
he was so late. He explained what had happened to him on the way home from
the drop zone:
"I was driving home and saw a car stopped beside the highway. A woman was
out trying to
change a tire, so I stopped to help. Her spare tire wasn't in very good
shape, and I wanted to
make sure she got home OK, so I drove along behind her. Once we got to her
place, she invited
me in for a drink. One thing led to another, and before I really knew what
was happening we were
in her bed having sex. Finally I realized how late it was and I left,
jumped in the car and hurried
home. I'm sorry I'm so late."
"Don't lie to me, you [CDA-censored expletive]," his wife said. "You
stayed and made another
jump, didn't you?"
JWJUMPS
An atheist skydiver and a catholic priest are seated next to each
other on an airplane. A few hours into the flight, the pilot comes on the
intercom and informs the passengers that the plane is going down. As the
priest begins to pray, the atheist skydiver pulls his rig out of the
overhead and starts gearing up. As he heads for the door, the priest
looks up and notices the jumper crossing himself. "Perhaps you're not an
atheist after all, hm?" he says. "Oh, no, Padre," the atheist skydiver
replies, "I do that before every jump. It's 'goggles, altimeter, cutaway
handle, reserve handle.' See ya!"
Stratostar
"MR. JAMES E. SMITH" <"min...@uslink.net"@uslink.net> wrote:
[snip]
>Glenn; Do you know why blind people do not skydive?
>Because it sacres the hell out of thier dogs!
I see.
This is a dog thing is it!
Glenn.....
PS: The sound made by a bad 4 way blind sequential team: YELP! WACK!
YELP! YELP! WACK! YELP! WACK! WACK! ......... WACK! YELP! (the
cameraman was falling faster than his dog!)
John Wakelin
Lars <kva...@iu.hioslo.no> wrote:
>I want to make a jokes page on my homepage. The only prob is that I
>don't know many skydiving jokes.
>Could you please help me out if you know any ?
Q) What do you call a skydiver with no girlfriend?
A) Homeless
Have a great day,
Blue skies,
johnw
Michelle Hoyle
John Wakelin wrote:
>
> Lars <kva...@iu.hioslo.no> wrote:
>
> >I want to make a jokes page on my homepage. The only prob is that I
> >don't know many skydiving jokes.
>
> >Could you please help me out if you know any ?
Q = What do you call 20 lawyers in freefall?
A = Skeet!
Blue ones!
'Shell
Brian Mury
jo...@datametrics.com (John Wakelin) wrote:
> Q) What do you call a skydiver with no girlfriend?
> A) Homeless
I have no girlfriend, and I am *not* homeless!
I live with my parents...
--
Brian Mury <b.m...@ieee.org> http://www-engr.uvic.ca/~bmury
4th year Comp. Eng., University of Victoria, Victoria, B.C., Canada
PGP key: email with subject "REQUEST PGPKEY"; Whitewater Kayak/Skydive!
big...@bigben.icon.co.za
Q Why don't blind people skydive? (pc visionally challenged)
A Because it scares the shit out of their dogs.
I know it is old but I like it.
Blue Skies
Ben
John R. Wardlaw, DVM
A license plate I saw at the DZ this weekend..
ITLL CLR
The big joke promulgated by DZ managers
dawgdoc
Roy Callum
curs41 wrote:
>
> big...@BIGBEN.icon.co.za wrote in article
> <NEWTNews.841288...@BIGBEN.icon.co.za>...
> And i have a pic at home with a blind russian going down!!
>
> really cool stuff for these people!!!
>
> Martijn
> Netherlands
> Q. How does a blind skydiver know when to flare?
A. When his dog leash goes slack. :)
GeneD5446
did a tandem with a blind guy ---- he got a video :)
curs41
Stratostar
gene...@aol.com (GeneD5446) wrote:
>did a tandem with a blind guy ---- he got a video :)
Did you enjoy your tandem ride? Now that you have had a taste of the
sport, perhaps you should consider taking it up. I mean if a blind
guy can get his tandem rating, then ANYONE can do it. Right?
As ever,
Blue111111,UU
Glenn.......
Stratostar
gene...@aol.com (GeneD5446) wrote:
>did a tandem with a blind guy ---- he got a video :)
Funny story. I bet the blind guy didn't see the humour in it!
Glenn....
Zebby
GlennC...@unn.unisys.com (Stratostar) wrote:
>gene...@aol.com (GeneD5446) wrote:
>
>>did a tandem with a blind guy ---- he got a video :)
>
>sport, perhaps you should consider taking it up. I mean if a blind
>guy can get his tandem rating, then ANYONE can do it. Right?
>
video?
C-cool
Zebby.