dog code (humor)
Neefer Duir
This is a version 1.1b of Dog Code. I admit to plagerizing the Cat
Code, but why do it again, if someone else has already done it.
Variables
B+(+) means that you're normally B+ but occasionally B++
C>+ means you're currently C but hanker after more
?B means that you have no clue what the B category means for you
!W means that you'd rather not say
W@ would mean a certain level of fluidity, generally P but open to
change
Name: Your dog's name
Breed: Your dog's breed
If you don't know your dog's breed, guess or put don't know.
For dogs that are of mixed heritage, the following are
suggestions:
Cross, Mix, Best of all Breeds, or Mutt
Or list the breeds that you know: Lab/Aust Shep
Color:
B Black
C Chocolate
F Fawn
G Grey/Silver
L Liver
N Brown
O Orange
R Red
U Blue
T Tan
W White
Y Yellow (all shades, example lemon)
modifier
b brindle
o spotted
r roan patterns
p parti-colored
i piebald
f freckles
s speckles
t ticked
m mask
Colours can be combined in descending order of area (eg: B+T Black
and Tan) Modifiers can be applied to individual colours by
concatenation (eg: W+Go = white with grey patches/spots), or
groups of colours by use of parenthesis (eg: (B+N)b+W= Black
and Brown brindle w/white).
Eye Color
O brown
G gold
B black
L blue
H hazel
Y yellow
Odd colored eyes can be separated by '/', eg: L/G.
Colors can also be added for mixed colors, eg: O+B = brown-black
Coat:
c++ My hair is everywhere, and if you don't brush me for 20
mintues every day, my hair will be a matted mess.
c+ I shed quite a bit.
c I shed some, but doesn't every doggie?
c- I have short hair, so even though I do shed, it doesn't carpet
the floor.
c-- I do not shed.
c! I require grooming beyond brushing and bathing.
c* I admit to blowing my coat once a year.
Age
y.m e.g. 5=years, 1.2=1year 2 months, .6=6 months
Sex
X Female, spayed, no interest.
X+ Female, spayed, but still interested.
X++ Female, intact, but not particularly excitable.
X+++ I am a puppy factory.
Y Male, neutered, no interest.
Y+ Male, neutered, but still interested.
Y++ Male, intact, but not particularly excitable.
Y+++ I would go thru a burning building to get at a female in heat.
X+++> indicates that spaying shall occur shortly.
Size
L--- You could hold me in one hand (less than 5 pounds)
L-- You could hold me with one hand (less than 10 pounds)
L- Maybe you could hold me with one hand but two would be
better (less than 25 pounds)
L I'm a medium sized dog (less than 50 pounds)
L+ I'm a big dog (less than 75 pounds)
L++ I'm a large, big dog (less than 100 pounds)
L+++ I'm a gigantic dog (less than 150 pounds)
L++++ I'm larger than most hoomins.
Weight
W--- My hips are sticking out.
W-- My ribs are sticking out.
W- I'm a lean doggy.
W I weigh just right, and the TED said so.
W+ It's all muscle.
W++ I may be fluffy, but is that so bad?
W+++ TED said I had to give up all treats except orange ptuis.
Ears
E-- My ears are so small as to be almost invisible.
E- My ears are smaller than most.
E My ears are unremarkable
E+ My ears are larger than most.
E++ My ears are very large. Floppy only: hang below my head.
E+++ My ears are larger than my head.
Ef My ears are floppy
Ep My ears are pointy
Ep/f One ear is up and one is down.
Walks
w-- I'll just wait here for you
w- Well, if I must go with you, ...
w I like walks.
w+ I'm ready to go for a walk anytime.
w++ I'm running laps around the yard because I haven't been walked
in the last hour.
Temperment
T--- If you look at me, I will submissively urinate.
T-- If you approach me, I will cower and tremble
T- I'd rather you didn't touch me.
T Fine, touch me.
T+ Pet me, please.
T++ Pet me, kiss me, love me.
T+++ I love you, I love you, I love you!
Modifiers:
A aggressive and I really might bite because I don't like
people.
f I only act aggressive (lunging, barking, snapping), but I'm
doing it because I'm afraid.
D dominant. "Oh yeah! You come over here and make me sit!"
a I'm aloof.
Activity
A+++ All the photos of me are blurred.
A++ I am always getting into, under or on top of things and am
hardly ever still.
A+ If you don't play with me, I'll find a way to play by myself.
A It's easy to get me to play, but I like to sleep, too.
A- I work very hard at sleeping, but like to chase
the occasional toy.
A-- I may show signs of life in the presence of an excellent toy.
A--- They thought I was dead, until they got out a piggy ear.
Eating
e+++ Nothing even remotely edible is safe when I'm around.
e++ I'm always hungry. What are you having?
e+ I would rather eat than play with a toy.
e I enjoy good food, but sometimes the stuff I get isn't fit to
eat.
e- I'll wait until the others have eaten.
e-- I would rather play with a toy than eat.
e--- I refuse to eat.
Drool
d+++ I have texturized the walls with drool; no article of
clothing is safe.
d++ I can fling drool.
d+ Ok, so my lips are a little loose, big deal. I only dribble
water a little ways from the bowl.
d Sometimes, if I smell something really tasty, I might drool.
d- I have very tight lips.
Barking
B+++ I love to bark. I bark when I get up in the morning, I bark
all day, and I like to bark before I go to bed. Heck, I bark
in bed.
B++ If it moves, I will bark at it.
B+ If I smell a dog, I will bark.
B I bark to get my hoomin's attention, when I'm excited, and when
something dangerous or really weird is happening.
B- I bark if necessary.
B-- I bark only if it is a dire emergency.
B--- I do not bark.
B! I bark on command.
B? I can't bark.
Fetching
F-- Fetching is stoopid. If you had wanted that ball, you never
would have thrown it.
F- I'll chase it if you throw it, but I won't bring it back.
F I'll chase it if you throw it, and I might bring it back.
F+ I'll chase it, and bring it back.
F++ Throw it again, throw it again.
F! I'll chase it and bring it back, but you have to chase me to
get it our of my mouf.
Problem Solving, Curiosity, & some Eagerness To Please:
(From the infamous _Intelligence_of_Dogs_)
IQ+++ I'm so smart that if you don't keep me occupied, I will
destroy everything around me, escape the yard, and, in
general, be a problem dog.
IQ++ I learn a new command after 3 repitions, tops.
IQ+ It is easy to learn a new command.
IQ I'm trying!
IQ- Okay, so I forgot the command. It's not my fault that we
didn't practice.
IQ-- I have no curiosity about anything, and it is safe to leave
me with only a few toys because I would just as soon sleep
in the sun as anything else.
IQ--- Huh, what was that command again?
IQ! Even though I rated dumb in that stoopid book, I have
obedience titles.
IQ* I rated smart in that book, and I have obedience titles.
Cuddlyness:
C-- If you touch me, I'll try to bite you.
C- I'd rather not be petted, thank you.
C I like petting.
C+ Pet me some more!
C++ What do you mean I have to get out of you lap!
C++! It's not my fault that your lap isn't big enough for a 150
pound dog.
Nail Cutting:
t-- You're killing me! Your cutting off my toes! I'm dying!
t- No, please, anything but that.
t I'd rather lie with my feet tucked under me.
t+ I'll let you do it, but I won't forgive you for it for at least
10 minutes.
t++ Did you cut my nails? I hadn't noticed.
Herding
H++ If it doesn't get into line, I will nip it to keep it in line.
H+ I like to herd.
H I can learn to herd.
H? What's herding?
Agility
a+++ I can walk the teeter-totter!
a++ I can jump over it, climb on top of if, crawl through it, or
crawl under, and I have never pooped inside of a tunnel.
a+ I like to climb things, but I get stuck.
a I play wiff my hoomins on the kiddy structures at the park.
a- I couldn't climb a ladder if my life depended on it.
a-- I trip over my own feet.
a! I am afraid of the agility structures.
a? I don't understand what you want me to do.
Swimming:
s--- I'm afraid of/hate the water, and I'm not getting near it.
s-- I sink like a stone.
s- I like to splash around, but if the water gets too high on me,
I'm afraid of/hate it.
s I'll go in the water with my favorite hoomin.
s+ I'll happily chase a ball or dumbell into the water.
s++ I'll happily leap into the water on command.
s+++ I'll leap into the water on my own, and my hoomin has to come
in after me to get me out.
Big Heads:
BH+++ I have a large, blocky head with a blunt, thick nose.
BH++ I have a large head.
BH+ I have a blunt, thick nose.
BH My head is neither large or small, and my nose is neither
long and pointy or blunt and thick.
BH- I have a small head.
BH-- I have a pointy nose.
BH--- I have a small head and a pointy nose.
BH! I know what Shy Sara is speaking about when she mentions
"the unfortunate deformity".
BH* I am a member of Big Heads International.
Woof:
WOOF++++ I post a WOOF article to rec.pets.dogs.misc every day.
WOOF+++ I post regularly, and I read every WOOF post.
WOOF++ I post occasionally, and I read most WOOF posts.
WOOF+ I read some WOOF, and I've posted at least once.
WOOF I read the WOOFs.
WOOF- I do not read WOOF posts.
WOOF-- WOOFing is silly, and besides I don't have time for such
nonsense.
WOOF--- I hate WOOFing, and I have WOOF in my killfile.
WOOF---- I post antiWOOF articles because WOOFing annoys me, and I
don't have a real newsreader that has killfile abilities.
WOOF? WOOF? Huh?
Rainbow Bridge:
RB indicates the dogs resides at the Rainbow Bridge
--
Jennifer in California | Courage is not the absence of fear,
oa ktr ee@ wi pd . c o m | but rather the judgment that something
| else is more important than fear.
| -Ambrose Redmoon
Bullmarket
oak...@shell1.ncal.verio.com (Neefer Duir) wrote:
OK, lemme see if I got this right - Tessa would be.....
<BEGIN DOG CODE>
Tessa,French Bulldog,Fi+m,O,c+4,X+++,L-,W+,E+++,w--,T+++,
A--,e---,d-,B--,F--,IQ!,C++,t--,H?,a--,s-,BH*+++,WOOF++
</END DOG CODE>
Carol, and Tessa, who sez "We did not like zee questons about my agility
and herding skills - what do you think I am, a Border Collie?"
--
Reach Me At: Bullmarket AT frenchbulldog.org
Bullmarket Frenchies - http://frenchbulldog.org/bullmarket
French Bulldog Fun - http://www.frenchbulldog.org
Twzl & Sligo, Happy Together
Sligo/Golden/Y/O/c+/c*/3.11/Y++/L+/W-/E/Ef/w+++++++/T+++++++/D/A++/e--/d-
/B-/F+++/IQ+++/IQ*/C++!/t++/H?/a+++/s++/BH++/WOOF++
--
"I could save every dog in every shelter. But what good would that do?"
Michael Patton's answer to dog overpopulation
============================================================================
A.K. Masters, Frumious Bandersnatch
Lucy dog: http://adams.patriot.net/~arielle/lucy.html
Dogcode 1.1:
Lucy, Lab/Rottie mix, B, O, c+, ?<~7 (was a stray), X<+++, L++,
W+(++), E-f, w+, T++D, A, e++, d(+), B--!, F++, IQ+, C++!, t++,
H+, a--/?, s+++, BH+++, WOOF
I'd like to suggest some additions to the dog code:
b for willingness to take a BATH:
b--- no way are you getting me in that tub!
b-- this really isn't what I want to be doing. Can I get out now?
b- grumpy, but will let you finish
b oh, am I getting a bath?
b+ this isn't so bad/will get in tub willingly & won't jump out
b++ you can't be done already!
b+++ I want a bath NOW (even though I just had one & am clean)!
0b never had one
!b not about to have one
TV for interest in the television:
TV--- howls or leaves the room until you turn it off
TV-- really not happy - hides face under paws while TV is on
TV- would rather TV were not on, but doesn't act out
TV doesn't care either way or doesn't notice
TV+ takes TV as family time & wants to sit near you
TV++ likes to stare at the TV, but doesn't notice what's on
TV+++ so in-tune with the TV that knows when dogs are on-screen
& barks or dances when this happens
0TV dog has never been in a room with a TV that's on
!TV owner isn't about to get a TV to find out if the dog cares
R for going on car rides:
R--- have to drag the dog, kicking & howling, into the car,
no matter what the reason for the trip
R-- dog is hesitant to get in the car, and gets car-sick regularly
R- dog will get in the car, but gets car-sick periodically
R a car is just like a bed - a place for a nap
R+ car rides are fun. Just leave the window open.
R++ hey, this is neat. can we go today?
R+++ loves car rides, even when going to the vet
0R never been on a car ride
!R owner doesn't have a car or isn't about to take the dog in it
RS for how the dog feels about thunderstorms and/or lightning (including
heat lightning) - contrast with dog's feelings about swimming and baths!:
RS--- any hint of a storm, and dog is hiding, cowering, trembling
until long after the storm is gone; if outside when a storm
hits, dog will drag you back to the house; will not eat
or drink during a storm. Even heat lightning makes the
dog want to go inside.
RS-- if it's a loud or long storm, dog is extremely unhappy.
Will hide or cower (such as in the bathtub) if owners are
not around; otherwise, will stay with family (but won't
be happy); will NOT go outside during the storm, even if
dog has had a lot to eat and/or drink previously; tends
not to eat or drink during a storm - will only do so if
food/water is not near a window
RS- not happy about storms, but won't drag you back inside;
won't hide (unless it's really bad); will eat most of the
time. OR, doesn't mind rain but hates thunder & lightning
RS doesn't make a difference if it's storming
RS+ likes to go out in a storm, but comes in pretty quickly
RS++ begs to go out during a storm; will stay out for a while
RS+++ doesn't want to be inside for the whole time there's
thunder and/or lightning - no sense of self-preservation :->
0RS dog has never experienced a thunderstorm or lightning
!RS we live where thunder and/or lightning don't happen
SS for snow/snowstorms:
SS--- dog won't go outside in even a little bit of snow - have
to carry the dog out (if small enough) during the winter
to get business taken care of
SS-- dog shivers, quivers, and moans if there's more than an
ankle-deep (for the dog) amount of snow
SS- too cold/wet, but dog will go out. Happy to come back in
SS dog doesn't care either way
SS+ snow is good, but won't stay out in it long (either too cold
or too wet or too boring)
SS++ love the snow. Go out in it as often as allowed; like
to stay out for a while
SS+++ love the snow so much I'd prefer to live in it, even at
night. If/when I come back inside, I'm encrusted with
ice balls and want to go back out again soon.
Also, I think we need a mod on temperament. The one listed is great for
dog-person interaction, but another for dog-dog interaction would be good.
Say, Tp (for people) in place of the current T, and a new Td (for dogs)
and even a Tc (for cats), Ty for squirrels/rabbits/chipmunks/other small
ground animals that could be considered prey:
Td--- extremely dog-aggressive; never met a dog it liked
Td-- regularly dog-aggressive, but can be controlled/likes
some dogs
Td- would rather not be around other dogs, but won't challenge
or attack them
Td other dogs are fine on average. Likes some, dislikes
others. Doesn't tend to *play* with other dogs, though.
Td+ hi, who are you?
Td++ let's go play (even though we've never met before)
Td+++ wants to play with every dog in sight, even if they try
to attack
0Td never been around another dog to find out (aside from
littermates)
!Td no other dogs nearby with which to find out
the D (dominance) and a (aloofness) mods definitely apply here.
Tc--- growls and snarls at cats; tries to stalk and/or kill
them OR afraid of cats and urinates submissively
Tc-- hissing cats get growls and snarls in return; lots of
posturing OR afraid of cats & runs away
Tc- looks away if a cat is nearby; tries to be in another room
Tc cats, no cats, who cares?
Tc+ looks interesting...what's this?
Tc++ hey, a cat - wanna play? (jumps up & down, or sits/lies
down to watch them)
Tc+++ rolls over for cats, even if the cats are hostile.
0Tc never been around/met/seen a cat
!Tc won't ever be around a cat
Ty--- terrified of small ground animals, even at a distance
Ty-- if a squirrel crosses dog's path, dog cowers or panics
Ty- not happy if squirrels and rabbits, etc., are seen,
but holds its ground
Ty doesn't notice prey-type animals at all
Ty+ hmmm, that smells tasty
Ty++ would like to chase, but will stop on command (or a few
commands)
Ty+++ regularly chases and catches (and may kill) prey-type
animals, even when told not to
0Ty never seen anything that could be considered prey
!Ty no prey drive or interest in chase or hunting
whatsoever - won't chase anything, including
a ball or a stick
:-> Arielle
[Lucy would be b+, TV+, R+++, S--(---), SS++, Td(+)Da, Tc++, Ty+
in addition to her aforementioned stats]
--
Arielle K. Masters: ari...@bigfoot.com; http://adams.patriot.net/~arielle
Permission Denied Manager; Our Lady of Infinite Loops
Fluffy %:->Iooo>===|
Air+ I:->-80<==|
Lucy dog: http://adams.patriot.net/~arielle/lucy.html
Genealogy: http://adams.patriot.net/~arielle/air/geneal.html
Bad Movie Night: http://adams.patriot.net/~arielle/badmovie.html
The Cult of The Lamp: http://adams.patriot.net/~arielle/lamp.html
L. J. Swann
Ginger, Terrier/Cattle Dog, W+Bo+Nm, O, c+/c*, 2, X, L, W, E+/Ep, w++,
T+++f, A+++, e++, d-, B+++, F--, IQ+++, C++, t--, H++, a+++, s---, BH---,
WOOF +++, b--, TV+, R+++, RS-, SS+, Td+++, Tc++, Ty++
Shadow, Black Lab, B, O, c, 2, X, L++, W+, Ef, w++, T+++, D, A+++, e+++, d+,
B++, F-, IQ+++, C++!, t++, H+, a++, s+++, BH+++, WOOF+++, b---, TV+++, R+++,
RS+, SS+++, Td--, Tc---, Ty+++
Heidi, Hound Mix, B+Nm, O, c-, 7, X, L+, W+, E++, w+, T++, A, e++, d++, B,
F--, IQ++, C+, t+, H?, a-, s-, BH+++, WOOF+++, b-, TV, R-, RS---, SS++, Td+,
Tc+, Ty+
viffer
Ally
L. J. Swann
*panic* The key to it is the original post in this thread.
viffer wrote in message <362B86B5...@itis.com>...