HUMOR: Dog Code
Neefer Duir
I admit it. I have no life. But why should there be a Cat Code and no
Dog Code.
You can see samples of the dog code at Sara's
(http://www.aimnet.com/~oaktree/sara.shtml) and at Henrey's
(http://www.aimnet.com/~oaktree/henrey.shtml) pages. The code is at
ftp://ftp.aimnet.com/pub/users/oaktree/dogs/dog.code
This is a beta version undergoing testing.
This is a version 1b of Dog Code. I admit to plagerizing the Cat Code,
but why do it again, if someone else has already done it.
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Name: Your dog's name
Breed:
The AKC categories were convient. If you don't like it, don't use my
version of the dog code. To use the breed qualifier, indicate the class
the breed falls under (or should fall under, IYHO, if AKC recognized it)
followed by a dash and the initials of the breed. If more than one
breed in that category has the same initials, use the first letter(s) of
the breed name; see the Sporting category for an example of this.
Example: W-M for working-mastiff.
S Sporting
special cases: ClS = Clumber Spaniel
CoS = Cocker Spaniel
H Hound
W Working
T Terrier
t Toy
N Non-sporting
h Herding
M Miscellaneous
n Not recognized by AKC
X Cross or Mix (see also B)
B Best of all Breeds (aka mutt) (see also X)
You can also indicate the breed heritage if you know it.
Example: X(S-LR/h-GSD) for a lab-german shepherd
B(S-AS/?) for a australian sheperd and unknown mix.
Color:
F Fawn/Tan
N Brown
B Black
R Red
W White
C Chocolate
L Liver
G Grey/Silver
O Orange
Y Yellow (all shades, example lemon)
U Blue
modifier
b brindle
o spotted
r roan patterns
p parti-colored
i piebald
f freckles
s speckles
t ticked
m mask
Eye Color
O brown
G gold
B black
L blue
H hazel
Y yellow
Odd colored eyes can be separated by '/', eg: L/G.
Colors can also be added for mixed colors, eg: O+B = brown-black
Coat:
c++ My hair is everywhere, and if you don't brush me for 20
mintues every day, my hair will be a matted mess.
c+ I shed quite a bit.
c I shed some, but doesn't every doggie?
c- I have short hair, so even though I do shed, it doesn't carpet
the floor.
c-- I do not shed.
c! I require grooming beyond brushing and bathing.
c* I admit to blowing my coat once a year.
Age
y.m e.g. 5=years, 1.2=1year 2 months, .6=6 months
Sex
X Female, spayed, no interest.
X+ Female, spayed, but still interested.
X++ Female, intact, but not particularly excitable.
X+++ I am a puppy factory.
Y Male, neutered, no interest.
Y+ Male, neutered, but still interested.
Y++ Male, intact, but not particularly excitable.
Y+++ I would go through a burning building to get at a female in heat.
X+++> indicates that spaying shall occur shortly.
Size
L--- You could hold me in one hand (less than 5 pounds)
L-- You could hold me with one hand (less than 10 pounds)
L- Maybe you could hold me with one hand but two would be
better (less than 25 pounds)
L I'm a medium sized dog (less than 50 pounds)
L+ I'm a big dog (less than 75 pounds)
L+ I'm a large, big dog (less than 100 pounds)
L++ I'm a gigantic dog (less than 150 pounds)
L+++ I'm larger than most hoomins.
Weight
W--- My hips are sticking out.
W-- My ribs are sticking out.
W- I'm a lean doggy.
W I weigh just right, and the TED said so.
W+ It's all muscle.
W++ I may be fluffy, but is that so bad?
W+++ TED said I had to give up all treats except orange ptuis.
Ears
E- My ears are floppy
E I can't decide
E+ My ears are pointy
E+/- One ear is up and one is down.
Walks
w-- I'll just wait here for you
w- Well, if I must go with you, ...
w I like walks.
w+ I'm ready to go for a walk anytime.
w++ I'm running laps around the yard because I haven't been walked
in the last hour.
Temperment
T--- If you look at me, I will submissively urinate.
T-- If you approach me, I will cower and tremble
T- I'd rather you didn't touch me.
T Fine, touch me.
T+ Pet me, please.
T++ Pet me, kiss me, love me.
T+++ I love you, I love you, I love you!
Modifiers:
A aggressive and I really might bite because I don't like
people.
f I only act aggressive (lunging, barking, snapping), but I'm
doing it because I'm afraid.
D dominant. "Oh yeah! You come over here and make me sit!"
a I'm aloof.
Activity
A+++ All the photos of me are blurred.
A++ I am always getting into, under or on top of things and am
hardly ever still.
A+ If you don't play with me, I'll find a way to play by myself.
A It's easy to get me to play, but I like to sleep, too.
A- I work very hard at sleeping, but like to chase
the occasional toy.
A-- I may show signs of life in the presence of an excellent toy.
A--- They thought I was dead, until they got out a piggy ear.
Eating
E+++ Nothing even remotely edible is safe when I'm around.
E++ I'm always hungry. What are you having?
E+ I would rather eat than play with a toy.
E I enjoy good food, but sometimes the stuff I get isn't fit to
eat.
E- I'll wait until the others have eaten.
E-- I would rather play with a toy than eat.
E--- I refuse to eat.
Drool
d+++ I have texturized the walls with drool; no article of clothing is
safe.
d++ I can fling drool.
d+ Ok, so my lips are a little loose, big deal. I only dribble
water a little ways from the bowl.
d Sometimes, if I smell something really tasty, I might drool.
d- I have very tight lips.
Barking
B+++ I love to bark. I bark when I get up in the morning, I bark all
day, and I like to bark before I go to bed. Heck, I bark in bed.
B++ If it moves, I will bark at it.
B+ If I smell a dog, I will bark.
B I bark to get my hoomin's attention, when I'm excited, and when
something dangerous or really weird is happening.
B- I bark if necessary.
B-- I bark only if it is a dire emergency.
B--- I do not bark.
B! I bark on command.
B? I can't bark.
Fetching
F-- Fetching is stoopid. If you had wanted that ball, you never
would have thrown it.
F- I'll chase it if you throw it, but I won't bring it back.
F I'll chase it if you throw it, and I might bring it back.
F+ I'll chase it, and bring it back.
F++ Throw it again, throw it again.
F! I'll chase it and bring it back, but you have to chase me to
get it our of my mouf.
Problem Solving, Curiosity, & some Eagerness To Please:
(From the infamous _Intelligence_of_Dogs_)
IQ+++ I'm so smart that if you don't keep me occupied, I will
destroy everything around me, escape the yard, and, in general,
be a problem dog.
IQ++ I learn a new command after 3 repitions, tops.
IQ+ It is easy to learn a new command.
IQ I'm trying!
IQ- Okay, so I forgot the command. It's not my fault that we
didn't practice.
IQ-- I have no curiosity about anything, and it is safe to leave
me with only a few toys because I would just as soon sleep in the
sun as anything else.
IQ--- Huh, what was that command again?
IQ! Even though I rated dumb in that stoopid book, I have obedience
titles.
IQ* I rated smart in that book, and I have obedience titles.
Cuddlyness:
C-- If you touch me, I'll try to bite you.
C- I'd rather not be petted, thank you.
C I like petting.
C+ Pet me some more!
C++ What do you mean I have to get out of you lap!
C++! It's not my fault that your lap isn't big enough for a 150
pound dog.
Nail Cutting:
T-- You're killing me! Your cutting off my toes! I'm dying!
T- No, please, anything but that.
T I'd rather lie with my feet tucked under me.
T+ I'll let you do it, but I won't forgive you for it for at least
10 minutes.
T++ Did you cut my nails? I hadn't noticed.
Herding
H++ If it doesn't get into line, I will nip it to keep it in line.
H+ I like to herd.
H I can learn to herd.
H? What's herding?
Agility
a+++ I can walk the teeter-totter!
a++ I can jump over it, climb on top of if, crawl through it, or
crawl under, and I have never pooped inside of a tunnel.
a+ I like to climb things, but I get stuck.
a I play wiff my hoomins on the kiddy structures at the park.
a- I couldn't climb a ladder if my life depended on it.
!a I afraid of the agility structures.
a? I don't understand what you want me to do.
Swimming:
s--- I'm afraid of the water, and I'm not getting near it.
s-- I sink like a stone.
s- I like to splash around, but if the water gets too high on me,
I'm afraid of it.
s I'll go in the water with my favorite hoomin.
s+ I'll happily chase a ball or dumbell into the water.
s++ I'll happily leap into the water on command.
s+++ I'll leap into the water on my own, and my hoomin has to come
in after me to get me out.
Big Heads:
BH+++ I have a large, blocky head with a blunt, thick nose.
BH++ I have a large head.
BH+ I have a blunt, thick nose.
BH My head is neither large or small, and my nose is neither
long and pointy or blunt and thick.
BH- I have a small head.
BH-- I have a pointy nose.
BH--- I have a small head and a pointy nose.
BH! I know what Shy Sara is speaking about when she mentions
"the unfortunate deformity".
BH* I am a member of Big Heads International.
Woof:
WOOF++++ I post a WOOF article to rec.pets.dogs.misc every day.
WOOF+++ I post regularly, and I read every WOOF post.
WOOF++ I post occasionally, and I read most WOOF posts.
WOOF+ I read some WOOF, and I've posted at least once.
WOOF I read the WOOFs.
WOOF- I do not read WOOF posts.
WOOF-- WOOFing is silly, and besides I don't have time for such
nonsense.
WOOF--- I hate WOOFing, and I have WOOF in my killfile.
WOOF---- I post antiWOOF articles because WOOFing annoys me, and I
don't have a real newsreader that has killfile abilities.
WOOF? WOOF? Huh?
--
Jennifer in California | Do I contradict myself?
oa ktr ee@ ai mn et. c o m | Very well then I contradict myself
http://www.aimnet.com/~oaktree/ | Walt Whitman (1819-1892), "Song of Myself"
**I may have antispammed my posts, so effortless replys are not possible.**
Susan Mudgett aka little gator
Ok, this is SaranWrap Sara with soem usggestions.
: Color:
: F Fawn/Tan
: N Brown
: B Black
: R Red
: W White
: C Chocolate
: L Liver
: G Grey/Silver
: O Orange
: Y Yellow (all shades, example lemon)
: U Blue
: modifier
: b brindle
: o spotted
: r roan patterns
: p parti-colored
: i piebald
: f freckles
: s speckles
: t ticked
: m mask
You don't list anything for the black&tan pattern of Rotties and
Gordon Setters and (ahem) Black and Tan Coonhounds. I know it would
take forever to put in all the specialist names for every breeds
different colors but there are so many doggies with these markings it
would be nice to have a name for it.
I suggest B&T for Black and Tan. Some doggies have these marking with
a different color than black, so a blue Dobie could be U&T and a red
Dobie could be R&T.
Test: waht about a fawn Dobie?
This would mean the classic Rott-markings, not just any dog that's
part tan and part black. The classic markings are a black dog with
tan markings on our legs, feet, chest, butt, muzzle, and tan spots
over their eyes, and black pencil marks on our toes. Mom says we look
like a tan dog wearing a Batman mask and raggedy black long johns.
It would be nice to see a ccategory about how smart we really are, not
just how good at obeying we are.
Could we have ear size, and not just floppitude?
SaranWrap Sara H(B&TC)
B&T Oc-8XL+W+E-w+T++AE++d+B++F--IQ+C++T-H?a?s-BH*WOOF++