OK, two more...

[Frank Church]

A recently divorced man was enjoying his first vacation after going through
a nasty divorce. Walking in the sand on an island beach, he came upon an
old lamp partially buried in the sand.

He picked up the lamp and when he rubbed the sand off of it, a beautiful
genie appeared.

Genie: "I am the Spirit of the Lamp, and will grant you three wishes."

Man: " Well, after going through a divorce where my ex-wife took me to the
cleaners, I could use 10 million dollars."

Genie: "Since I am a woman and sympathize with your ex-wife - whatever you
receive, your ex-wife will get twice as much."

The man reluctantly agreed, and before his eyes appeared 10 million
dollars. At the same moment, his ex-wife was sitting at her kitchen table,
and 20 million dollars appeared in front of her.

Man: "My next wish is for a new Ferrari."

A shiny red Ferrari appeared on the sand next to him, and two new Ferraris
appeared in his ex-wife's driveway. The thought of his ex-wife getting
double his wishes was almost too much to bear as he pondered his next wish.

Genie: "You still have one wish left."

The man thought for a while.

Man: " I want you to beat me half to death."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT

> On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates
> and suitcases.
>
> On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things..
>
> On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
> dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background
> music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of
> spring-water.
>
> When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a
> few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the
> curtain rods.
>
> She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
>
> On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and
> at first all was bliss.
>
> Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
>
> They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.
>
> Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
>
> Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
> set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a
> few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
> carpeting. Nothing worked!
>
> People stopped coming over to visit.
> Repairmen refused to work in the house.
> The maid quit.
>
> Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had
> to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half
> - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.
>
> Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
> their calls.
>
> Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a
> huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
>
> Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told
> her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that
> she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her
> divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.
>
> Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed
> on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ...
> but only if she would sign the papers that very day.
>
> She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed
> paperwork.
>
> A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched
> the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ....
>
> .. and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!
>
> I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Frank Sr.