Van Gogh's Ear - lyric, critique please

Jared del Rosso

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Mar 26, 2002, 4:35:07 PM3/26/02

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This is the first time I've tried writing a lyric with this sorta
structure...so I was wondering if I could get some critiques on it...

Thanks
Jared

Van Gogh's Ear
I keep Van Gogh's ear under my bed
Yeah I got Van Gogh's ear under my bed
I keep the things he carried locked in my head

Well, sometimes the night it collapses and swirls
Yeah, I see the night round me collapse and swirl
Every single time I think bout the girl

Well, she left here sometime around early fall
Yeah, she left me cold sometime 'round early fall
Well I been pretending she never left me at all

Yeah, lately I only got my hands to talk to
Don't say much, but they listen real good
This loneliness ain't as bad as it seems
I don't mind her leaving, I wish she'd stay outta my dreams

And Van Gogh's hiding out beneath my bed
I think Van Gogh's hiding out beneath my bed
Every once in a while I see him peak out his head.

Well, I'd paint him a picture if I had some paint
Yeah, I'd paint a self-portrait if I knew how to paint
Vince would take it, he'd love it, he'd say that it's great

Well, Van Gogh's with the blackbirds in the wheat fields
Yeah, I'm looking at the blackbirds in the fields
I might go out and join Vince, just to see if he's real.

In a cloud he could paint the curves of her back
There's nothing I need, just things that I lack
Well the wind's gotten rough, it blew poor Vincent away
Guess I'll be staying inside for another day.

With Van Gogh's ear under my bed
Yeah, I got Van Gogh's ear under my bed
And I keep the things he carried locked in my head.

Johnny Lee Wilson

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Mar 27, 2002, 1:33:07 AM3/27/02

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"Jared del Rosso" <delr...@brandeis.edu> wrote in message news:<a7qpj1$sk0$1...@new-news.cc.brandeis.edu>...

> This is the first time I've tried writing a lyric with this sorta
> structure...so I was wondering if I could get some critiques on it...
>
> Thanks
> Jared
>

I like it.

MarkC

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Mar 27, 2002, 2:12:15 AM3/27/02

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This is the first time I've tried writing a lyric with this sorta
structure...so I was wondering if I could get some critiques on it...

Not Bad!

BTW, Michael Franks wrote a great song called Vincent's Ear. Check it
out if you haven't heard it yet.
Mark

Jared del Rosso

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Mar 27, 2002, 1:16:08 PM3/27/02

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"MarkC" <markc...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:15048-3CA...@storefull-2394.public.lawson.webtv.net...

Thanks...

I check into that Michael Franks song...

Thanks again
Jared

mark-h

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Mar 27, 2002, 3:20:30 PM3/27/02

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its a blues structure...
the 3 line verses fit the standard 12 bar blues format, and the 4 line
sections fit the memphis/motown bridge/b section format....pretty cool
jared!

mark-h

Jared del Rosso

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Mar 27, 2002, 5:21:44 PM3/27/02

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Thanks...

good to know I used the structure somewhat correctly...

Jared

"mark-h" <bob...@cox.net> wrote in message
news:iQpo8.1412$0b.2...@news1.west.cox.net...

gregory karl

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Mar 27, 2002, 5:33:31 PM3/27/02

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i thought the same thing whle i was reading. this would be a great blues
song if you codensed the # of verses

Jared del Rosso

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Mar 27, 2002, 6:01:35 PM3/27/02

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"gregory karl" <Gregor...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:21528-3CA...@storefull-2272.public.lawson.webtv.net...

> i thought the same thing whle i was reading. this would be a great blues
> song if you codensed the # of verses
>

Hmm...that's what I heard elsewhere too. Reducing is always so tricky :-),
usually I've got to put something down and away for a month or so before I
realize what I can cut...cuz otherwise I get stuck in the mindset that what
I wrote is what HAS to be wrote. But when a good rewrite happens, it helps
so much...

I'm thinking I can cut verse 3 in the first half and verse 2 of the
second...and then change the second repetition of "Van Gogh's under my
bed..." back to "Van Gogh's ear" so I don't have Van Gogh going from beneath
the bed to the wheat field with no explanation...Dunno if I'll stick with
this rewrite in particular, since I just did it up in two minutes, but I
think it may work...and there's no point in having two extra verses that
don't add all that much to the lyrics...extranous and unnecessary

Thanks for the replies...
Jared

I keep Van Gogh's ear under my bed
Yeah I got Van Gogh's ear under my bed
I keep the things he carried locked in my head
Well, sometimes the night it collapses and swirls
Yeah, I see the night round me collapse and swirl
Every single time I think bout the girl

Since she left, I got only my hands to talk to

Don't say much, but they listen real good

Well, this loneliness ain't as bad as it seems
Don't mind that she left, I wish she'd stay outta my dreams

I keep Van Gogh's ear under my bed

Yeah, I got Van Gogh's ear under my bed

I keep the things he carried locked in my head

Well, Van Gogh's with the blackbirds in the wheat fields
Yeah, I'm looking at the blackbirds in the wheat fields

I might go out and join Vince, just to see if he's real.

In a cloud he's painting the curves of her back

MrNeeley1

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Apr 1, 2002, 2:48:45 AM4/1/02

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What were the things that he carried?