Guitarit/musician jokes needed

michael gillette

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Mar 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/16/96

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I am preparing a book of jokes for and about musicians. I need funny
stories,gags, one liners,about, limericks, musicians, music stores,
music students,funnyexperiences playing ie:worst gig anything funny or
ironic aboutgroups ( including symphonies ), bands, or combos of any kind.

Thanks

Thomas F Brown

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Mar 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/16/96

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Check the usenet archives. Periodically someone makes a request for
music jokes on one of the music newsgroups. Responses are inevitably
cross-posted all over usenet, and the same old tired jokes are posted
again and again until the thread finally dies a year later.

Lawson G. Stone

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Mar 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/16/96

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michael gillette wrote:
>
> I am preparing a book of jokes for and about musicians. I need funny
> stories,gags, one liners,about, limericks, musicians, music stores,
> music students,funnyexperiences playing ie:worst gig anything funny or
> ironic aboutgroups ( including symphonies ), bands, or combos of any kind.
>

> Thanks

What's the difference between a guitar player and a mutual fund?
Eventually the fund will mature and make money.

What do you do when a guitar player knocks on your door? Give him the
money and take the pizza.

What do you call a guitar player who has broken up with his
girlfriend? Homeless

What do you call an accordion player with a page? An optimist.

What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion? Nobdody cries
when you chop up a clarinet!

Hope these are duplicates. I can't wait to see your book.

Gary Persons

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Mar 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/17/96

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>> I am preparing a book of jokes for and about musicians. I need funny
stories,gags, one liners,about, limericks, musicians, music stores,
music students,funnyexperiences playing ie:worst gig anything funny or
ironic aboutgroups ( including symphonies ), bands, or combos of any
kind.

Thanks <<

I have been collecting musician jokes for years and have several pages
(32 rings a bell) in "score order" - i.e., Piccolo on top, Vocal on the
bottom.

Lemme' know how to send it to you - a 32 page E-mail?

Jim Pulling

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Mar 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/17/96

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tomb...@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (Thomas F Brown) wrote:

>In article <4ies2a$d...@aphex.direct.ca> mgil...@direct.ca (michael gillette) writes:

>>I am preparing a book of jokes for and about musicians. I need funny
>>stories,gags, one liners,about, limericks, musicians, music stores,
>>music students,funnyexperiences playing ie:worst gig anything funny or
>>ironic aboutgroups ( including symphonies ), bands, or combos of any kind.

>Check the usenet archives. Periodically someone makes a request for

>music jokes on one of the music newsgroups. Responses are inevitably
>cross-posted all over usenet, and the same old tired

^^^^^

> jokes are posted
>again and again until the thread finally dies a year later.

^^^^^^
I suppose that like tyres you can get re-threads

Regards

Jim Pulling
(PS That one's probably not worth circulating!!)

Glenn Yoon

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Mar 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/17/96

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In article <4ies2a$d...@aphex.direct.ca>, mgil...@direct.ca says...

>
>I am preparing a book of jokes for and about musicians. I need funny
>stories,gags, one liners,about, limericks, musicians, music stores,
>music students,funnyexperiences playing ie:worst gig anything funny
or
>ironic aboutgroups ( including symphonies ), bands, or combos of any
kind.
>

>Thanks

This one always makes me laugh:

A scientist goes into the jungle to study a tribe of natives. He is
received warmly and offered shelter and food for his visit. The first
night he is awakened by the sound of drumming coming from the
distance. In the morning he asks the chief about it. The chief of the
tribe says, "When drums play, very good. When drums stop, very bad."
The scientist nods his head, not really understanding what the chief
meant.

The second night, the drums play again. In the morning, the scientist
asks the chief about it again. All the chief says is, "When drums
play, very good. When drums stop, very bad." The scientist is still
baffled, but to be polite, he says nothing.

The third night of his visit, the drums play again. In the morning,
the scientist again asks the chief what it was all about. The chief
says,"When drums play, very good. When drums stop, very bad." The
scientist, who by now is very curious asks why. The chief goes,
"Because when drums stop, bass solo begin!"

Well, I like it.

Jim Kroger

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Mar 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/17/96

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A bartender told me this last night at Chadney's in Burbank:

Father: "Son, what are you going to do when you grow up?"

Son: "I'm going to be a guitar player."

Father: "Son, you can't do both."

Jim

Jim Kroger

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Mar 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/19/96

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In article <314ca...@news.globalnet.co.uk>, jim_p...@globalnet.co.uk
(Jim Pulling) wrote:

>>> you can get re-threads

I'm a frayed knot.

Jim

John Muth

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Mar 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/21/96

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Q: What do you call a musician who has broken up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Yeah

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Mar 25, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/25/96

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Q: What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A: Eventually a mutual fund will mature and start making money.

Mondo Mando

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Mar 26, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/26/96

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What does a musician sound like at a paying gig?
"Hey, you want fries with that?"

How do you get an electric bass player to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, five, one, five....

What's the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson?
You can tune the Harley-Davidson.

Hope none of y'all take offense...:-)