From the Land of Fire I Come (was Re: MADHUSHALA [\]...)
U.V Ravindra
Some excerpts from Harivansh Rai Bachchan's "MADHUSHALA" were posted
on RMIM recently. As I have said earlier, HMV's MADHUSHALA album
combines some more poems of Harivansh Rai's, recited by his son,
Amitabh. I am posting one of those poems here. The poem is titled
"Agni Desh Se Aata HooN MaiN!"
Enjoy!
Ravindra.
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agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
jhulas gayaa tan, jhulas gayaa man,
jhulas gayaa kavi komal jeevan,
kintu agni-veena par apne dagdh kanTh se gaata hooN maiN!
agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
svarn shuddh kar laaya jag meiN,
use lutaata aaya mag meiN,
deenoN kaa maiN vesh kiye, par deen nahiN hooN daata hooN maiN!
agni desh se aata hoon main!
tum ne apne kar phailaaye,
lekin der baD.i kar aaye,
kanchan to luT chukaa pathik, ab looTo raaKH luTaata hooN maiN!
agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
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My familiarity with this and other poems of Harivansh Rai's dates back
to 1989. I had noted these verses down in a small book which I used
to keep for such purposes then. I opened this book last evening, and
read through the collection of Bachchan's poems that I had. The
result was some *inspiration* to write something in Bachchan's style.
Here are three verses which resulted from the visit by this
Bachchan(al)ian Muse: I wrote them as extensions to the above poem.
agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
supt bhoomi hai, supt gagan hai,
supt jagat ka har kan-kan hai,
nir-nimeSh netroN se jag par pralay-agni barsaata hooN maiN!
agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
TooT chuki thee saari aasha,
jeevan ne woh phenka paasaa,
mrityu-trishool hriday meiN lekar phir bhi jeeta jaata hooN maiN!
agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
har pal, har kShan dukh hi paayaa,
KHud par ashru bahaataa aayaa,
aaNsoo sookh chuke haiN, ab aaNkhoN se rakt bahaataa hooN maiN!
agni desh se aata hooN maiN!
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Will some RMIM guru *pleeeease* post a critique on these verses?
Thanks for your time,
Ravindra.
Sivakumar Ravada
I think the last line aaNsoo sookh chuke haiN, could be modified to fit
the meter, as well as the way the previous "last lines" have their two
halves (NOT just by meter, but by phrase as well; I KNOW Guri will NOT
agree :-))))
aaNsoo sookh chuke aaNkhoN meN, ab to rakt bahaataa hooN maiN
Also, in second "pad", would you rather say,
"TooT chuki HAI saaree aashaa" since that is the CURRENT state AFTER the
paasaa of jeevan.
just thots,
-- ShashiKant Joshi urf Pintu Diwana