seven old ladies
Bruce Reitman
I need to get the words to "Oh Dear What Can the Matter Be -- Seven Old
Ladies Got Stuck in the Lavatory" I only know one verse -- my four year
old loves it (bathroom humor age). Can anyone help?
If not the lyrics -- how about a CD which it's on?
Thanks (and don't get stuck!)
B Reitman
Old Pretender
On 10 Jan 1997 02:59:24 GMT, "Bruce Reitman" <san...@ziplink.net>
wrote:
>I need to get the words to "Oh Dear What Can the Matter Be -- Seven Old
>Ladies Got Stuck in the Lavatory" I only know one verse -- my four year
>old loves it (bathroom humor age). Can anyone help?
>
It's a little disheartening but I suppose not surprising that I
seem to be the one here who's able to remember lyrics too old to be
recalled by anyone else.
I'm not sure whether you'd consider the version I know suitable
for your four-year-old, but then maybe four's a lot more precocious
age than it used to be.
"Oh my, what a calamity!
Seven old ladies were locked in a lavat'ry.
They were there from Monday 'til Saturday.
Nobody knew they were there.
Now the first one's name was Isabel Porter.
She was the Deacon of Dorchester's daughter.
She went to relieve a slight pressure of water,
And nobody knew she was there.
The second one's name was Marjorie Bender.
She went in to fix her suspender.
It got caught in her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there.
[ Memory flags at this point. Someone else will have to
tell us about the remaining five.]
Seven old ladies called on the vicar.
They went together because it was quicker..."
[ And fading again into the sands of time.....]
Old Pretender
ew...@enter.net
LT Silverman
This was posted on this newgroup a while ago.
LTS
SEVEN OLD LADIES
[view or play tune]
SEVEN OLD LADIES
Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Seven old ladies got locked in the lavat'ry
They were there from Sunday 'till Saturday
Nobody knew they were there
The first to come in was the minister's daughter
(The first was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter)
She went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there
The next to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in
And nobody knew she was there
The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle;
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel,
And nobody knew she was there
The forth to come was old Mrs. Humphrey
She shifted and jiggled to get herself comfy
Then to her dismay, she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there
The fifth to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper
And nobody knew she was there
The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy;
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy,
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there
The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Bender;
She went there to repair a broken suspender.
(But how in the world she got a suspender)
It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender,
(Caught up in the site of the feminine gender)
And nobody knew she was there
( I 'aven't the slightest idea.)
The janitor came in the early morning.
He opened the door without any warning,
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
And nobody knew they were there.
alt:
(The __ old lady was Abigail Quimm
Who crossed her legs on a personal whim,
But her thigh got caught twixt the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there.)
RAREDANCE
Additional/alternative verses to 7 old ladies published in "The
EroticMuse" by Ed Cray, University of Illinois Press.
The second old lady was Abigail Splatter
She went there 'cause something was definitely the matter,
But when she got there, it was only her bladder,
and nobody knew....
The ____ old madined was Hildegard Foyle;
She hadn't been lving according to Hoyle,
She was relieved it was only a boil
And nobody......
Oscar Brand recorded a version of this on Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads,
vol 3, side 1 (Audio Fidelity 1824) years ago.
rich r
Douglas Isherwood
>I need to get the words to "Oh Dear What Can the Matter Be -- Seven Old
>Ladies Got Stuck in the Lavatory" I only know one verse -- my four year
>old loves it (bathroom humor age). Can anyone help?
>
>If not the lyrics -- how about a CD which it's on?
>
>Thanks (and don't get stuck!)
>B Reitman
From The Digital Tradition:
SEVEN OLD LADIES
(parenthetical additions by RG
@bawdy
filename[ SEVENOLD
play.exeÿODEARWHA
BR
Doug Isherwood
e-mail:dou...@interlog.com
Barrie McCombs
A great tune, but not very politically correct. I'll post my file of it
the next time I'm on line. I have the verses we used to sing at summer
camp plus accumulated verses from previous discussions on the net. I
think there are a total of 24 ladies in the file now.
- Barrie
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Barrie McCombs, MD, CCFP | Family Physician by day |
| bmcc...@acs.ucalgary.ca | Folk Musician during full moons |
| Calgary Folk Music URL: http://www.ucalgary.ca/~bmccombs/calfolk.html |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bob Norton
In article <19970110204...@ladder01.news.aol.com>, rare...@aol.com
says...
>
>
>Oscar Brand recorded a version of this on Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads,
>vol 3, side 1 (Audio Fidelity 1824) years ago.
>
Oscar Brand and FRIENDS, according to the cover. Pete Seeger, blacklisted at
the time, is all over this wonderful album. The high point has got to be Pete's
rendition of "Blinded By Turds". I have a tape copy, very old and fragile.
Someone should re-release the whole Bawdy Songs... ouvre on CD.
Barrie McCombs
In answer to the original post, here is what I've accumulated over the
years. Does anyone have the rhyme for the two partial verses down at the
end? I heard them on a ski bus trip years ago and only remembered half.
SEVEN OLD LADIES Time: 3/4 Tenor: D Bass: C
- Traditional: English Rugby song?
- Tune: Oh Dear, What Can the Matter Be
- Record: Oscar Brand, Bawdy Songs #3
CHORUS:
1 * * *
Oh dear, what can the matter be
2m * 57 *
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory
1 * * *
They were there from Sunday till Saturday
2m 57 1 *
And nobody knew they were there
1 * * *
The first was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
2m * 57 *
She went in to pass some su-perfluous water
1 * * *
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
2m 57 1 *
And nobody knew she was there
The next to come in was Abigail Humphrey
She sat on the seat and arranged herself comfy
When she tried to get up, she could not get her bum free ...
The third old lady was old Mrs. Bickle
She hurdled the door 'cause she hadn't a nickle
Caught her foot in the bowl, what a helluva pickle ...
The next to come in was Elizabeth Spender
Who was doing all right till a vagrant suspender
Got all tangled up in her feminine gender ...
The fifth old lady was Abigail Prim
She only sat down on a personal whim
But she somehow got pinched twixt the cup and the brim ...
The next to come in was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a Beethoven sonata ...
The last to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in ...
The janitor came in on Saturday morning
And opened the door without any warning
The seven old ladies came out a-swarming
At last somebody knew they were there
NOTES:
- L4: "seemed to care" for "knew they were there"
SYMBOLS:
- Asterisk (*) = new measure, play same chord
- Period (.) = 1/8 note rest at start of a measure
- Underline(_) = sustain note into next measure
CHORDS (Number System):
- The numbers are the notes of the diatonic scale (do-re-me-fa-so-la-ti-do)
- The system lets you play a song in any key, using the same chart
Common Keys: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Key of C C D E F G A B (no sharps)
Key of G G A B C D E F# (1 sharp)
Key of D D E F# G A B C# (2 sharps)
Key of A A B C# D E F# G# (3 sharps)
SEVEN OLD LADIES ADDITIONAL VERSES
- Variations and extras
The first one's name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to ..
The **** to come in was old Mrs Flynn
She prided herself on being so thin
But when she sat down, the poor dear fell in ...
The **** old lady was Emily Clancy
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
The **** to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper ...
The **** was the wife of a Deacon in Dover
And though she was known as a bit of a rover
She liked it so much, she thought she'd stay over ...
The **** old lady was extremely fertile
Her name was O'Conner, the boys called her Myrtle
She went there to repair a slight hole in her girdle ...
The **** old maiden was Hildegard Foyle
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil ...
The **** old lady was Eloise Geck
Who could not decide which hole to select
She got for her pains, a pipe organ effect ...
The **** old lady was Emily Clancy
She went there cause something tickled her fancy
But when she got there, it was ants in her pantsy ...
The *** old lady was Mrs. McBligh
Went in with a bottle to booze on the sly
She jumped on the seat and fell in with a cry ...
The **** to go in was old Mrs. Murray
She had to go in a hell of a hurry
But when she got there it was too late to worry ...
The **** to come in was old Mrs. Brewster
She could not see as well as she used ter
She sat on the handle and swore someone goosed her ...
The **** old lady was old Mrs. Hart
... fart
The **** old lady was old Mrs. Hemingway
... ???
Sort of like "Ninty-nine Bottles Of Beer", isn't it!
belvoir
Well, it IS in the Digital Tradition. Don't look for songs without it!
And, if you don't have a copy, you can visit us at:
www.deltablues.com
dick greenhaus
Bill
rno...@unm.edu (Bob Norton) wrote:
I have two, three, or more of Oscar Brand's, Bawdy albums. I bought
them years ago from some mail order record supplier. I am sure they
are still in good condition.
The notes on one jacket are a great defense of earthy songs. This
was years before the politically correct crap started hitting the
social fans.
Bye-bye,
Bill
In Sunny Southern California
au...@lafn.org
Cheryl/Bill Kinkaid
Another variation:
The *** old lady was old Ms. Schuster
She jumped from the seat, felt someone had goosed her
She said "it felt nice, but not like it used ter"
And nobody knew I was there
or something like that