National Archives introduces 'harmful language alert' for records, including
Engrossed Declaration of Independence
Constitution of the United States
Bill of Rights
To: "Poisoning Pigeons In The Park" [Tom Lehrer, 1959]
Tom Lehrer - Poisoning Pigeons In The Park
Poisoning Pigeons in the Park (Originally Performed by Tom Lehrer) (Karaoke)
NARA's site: the archival site,
Now adapted to human fright.
Isn't it thoughtful of them to highlight users' plight?
How woke! PC--at a stroke!
But how could our forbears have lionized,
These Founders and Framers so compromised?
In the nation's archive where old records survive,
There are triggering documents on view.
There are frightening sights like the first Bill of Rights,
In the triggering documents on view.
A warning regarding their language is ominous,
We flinch and we cringe 'cause of triggers' sheer common-ness.
What won't they contrive to make us scared alive,
By these triggering documents on view?
Our own Constitution,
Contains an allusion,
To old persecution.
It's in there.
This hateful conclusion,
Becomes an intrusion,
That gives us a scare.
For a document, once it gets bigger,
Is sure to be hiding a trigger.
So, if you have thin skin,
You had best not log in,
To these triggering documents on view.
A "When in the course...",
Might turn into the source,
Of a terribly temperamental stew.
Before we got woke, we might once have been curious,
But now we know better: these docs are injurious.
Our pulse will be racing,
Whenever we're facing,
These hideous parchments,
(In zoomed-in enlargements),
Of triggering documents on view.