I need help, I've got the Tombstone Blues
The Hysterical Bride
1941-2061
G-d Bless Bob Dylan and His Rudeness
Rock Star, Jesus Freak, God of Rock and Roll
Artist, Poet, Singer, Songwriter, Novelist, Painter,
Father, Husband, Adulterer, Junkie, Whoremonger
Etc....
(p.s. if this doesn't come out right, it's not my fault)
The Hysterical Bride
Dear Mr. Dylan,
Something just occured to me.
Seriously here.
Very seriously.
Does this hurt your feelings?
Because I just saw it that way, and I was surprised.
Don't you understand that I worship you, and you are my hero?
I love you, and everything about you, including if you are married and
are totally just using me.
If you aren't even singing about me, than I prefer to remain deluded.
I feel REALLY bad if you hate me. :(
But it was so surprising to me, to read this in a way, as if you, that
hurt my feelings.
You're not reading it correctly.
You are supposed to smile and laugh.
You are the coolest person in the whole world, and I like making fun
of you, and myself as well.
Isn't that ok?
Well, I hope we can reach an understanding.
I hope we can communicate.
I would like to communicate intimately with you.
I would like to communicate with you in the most intimate way
possible.
I want your baby.
Sadly, I am not good enough.
(to be a mother)
Ok, forget it.
Never mind.
Go marry someone else.
F*ck me,
Rachel :(
The Hysterical Bride
Nice to meet you, Mr. Bob Dylan!
Nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Bob Dylan!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/86/Sperm-egg.jpg
The Hysterical Bride
>
> - Show quoted text -
http://www.geetarz.org/reviews/misc/dylan-1984-07-07-wembley-dvd-2.jpg
The Hysterical Bride
>
> http://www.geetarz.org/reviews/misc/dylan-1984-07-07-wembley-dvd-2.jpg
THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH I AM EVER GOING TO SEE BOB DYLAN AGAIN
BECAUSE HE IS TOO AMAZING.
HE DOESN'T EVEN READ THIS.
HE IS HAPPILY MARRIED TO HIS BRAND NEW WIFE, AND HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND
ON THE SIDE, SO FORGET IT, I WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED TO MARRY HIM ANYWAY,
HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL, HE IS A CHEATER.
(and so am I, sort of, but at least it wasn't in the context of a
marriage)
That was the one thing I believed in as a little girl, that I swore I
would never do, and that is get divorced, and I guess I'm going to
live up to that, because I am never getting married, because I don't
deserve it, I cheated on my boyfriend in Israel, and I wanted to marry
him, later, and he broke my heart, and he did it on purpose, because
it was a total mind game, our relationship, and a power trip, and
ultimately, he won.
He broke my heart.
And my mind.
Now I am married in my mind to Bob Dylan, but I am crazy, and in
reality, I am an aging thirty something bipolar Jewish woman who wants
no funeral, who wants to be cremated, who wants her ashes scattered on
the moon at the foot of the American flag.
Don't ask me why, I don't really know, I just thought of it, and it
seems like a good idea.
The Hysterical Bride
>
> Well, I hope we can reach an understanding.
>
> I hope we can communicate.
>
> I would like to communicate intimately with you.
>
> I would like to communicate with you in the most intimate way
> possible.
>
> I want your baby.
>
BUT IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO TELL ANYONE THAT I LIKE YOU AND WANT
YOUR BABY, YOU ARE *SORELY* MISTAKEN.
I AM SO ASHAMED YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
THIS IS COMPLETELY RETARDED.
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.
I DON'T WANT YOUR BABY, I DON'T WANT *ANYTHING*, I WISH I WERE DEAD.
The Hysterical Bride
Rock a bye Bob Dylan....
Forget that.
I was totally confused.
I thought you were my baby.
I don't want you to be my baby.
I have no idea what I want.
You are the great Bob Dylan.
Fuck you. :)
The Hysterical Bride
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> - Show quoted text -
Oops.
Not kidding around.
I want to stop cursing.
I think that will help me be a better person.
I think it will help me think nicer things.
What I mean is, maybe if I stop the cursing, something beautiful will
take its place.
This is hopeless, isn't it.
I really wanna marry Bob Dylan, that's all I know.
Children?
Are you insane?
I can't have kids.
No way.
The Hysterical Bride
He doesn't read this.
What am I going to do?
PRETEND.
I AM JUST GOING TO FRICKEN PRETEND, because this is totally wrong.
How do you fall in love with someone?
You can't just go up to someone and say, I want your baby.
I don't want his baby without him.
I want the whole thing.
I don't know how to get it.
I am never going to get it. :(
That's so sad. :(
Good-bye. :(
The Hysterical Bride
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> - Show quoted text -
You should see all the stuff I deleted. I kept wanting to curse, too.
(That's what I thought he wanted when he knocked on the guitar, to get
married and have children, and I went psycho, and I literally became
the hysterical bride.)
You know what I mean by I want the whole thing.
What it boils down to is, I want Bob Dylan to come to me.
I want him to come back to me.
And I could throw my arms around him (not at first), but THEN I will
have the whole thing.
That's what I want.
To wrap myself around Bob Dylan. lol, that reminded me of something.
LOL!
Yes, I love him so much I want him inside me.
I want inside me, I want him outside me, I want him all around me.
I guess I was just imagining things.
There is no Bob Dylan. :(
Bob Dylan is in another world.
I can not repeat the past.
I am not going back to him.
I don't WANT to go back to him.
I don't think he really wants to come back to me, then, either.
I mean, if I don't want it, how can I imagine that he wants it?
G-d Bless his rudeness.
Thanks for nothing, Mr. Dylan.
I don't believe you.
You don't read this.
I'm just faking it, just like you are, in your songs.
The Hysterical Bride
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> - Show quoted text -
Y'all wanna know something I have thought about a million times
before? (brw, i just took a hot shower, i have no need for jacuzzis.)
Well, anyway, I just want to meet him, JUST TO SEE IF HE IS A REAL
PERSON. (based on the notion that I am shchizophrenic like John Nash
in a Beautiful Mind)
Seriously, I don't really know.
But I don't REALLY want to do that, because I don't want to go back to
him.
IT'S TOO HUMILIATING.
HE IS THE GREATEST ARTIST ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
It's too humiliating.
There is no way to connect with him.
It's pointless.
I mean, yeah, maybe it would happen, same as if, I could go to a
concert, and he'd sure look like he was there, I would think I am
seeing him, I am in the worst catch-22 ever. (never read that book.)
I am so afraid I am going to live out his songs.
I want this to be real.
I want him to read this, and call me.
But then I think, this is such a WASTE of his TIME.
He doesn't need me.
(And I don't see why he would want me, either)