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good news? bad news? huh?
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Rachel
Jun 3, 2016, 5:43:38 PM6/3/16
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i'm in the kitchen, hobbling around on my crutches with my bum knee and swollen ankle, getting my amy's enchilada, minus the corn, which actually, i find tasty mixed in with the beans, not bad..., but i'm trying to diet. anyway, so i sort tripped a tiny bit, with my croc (you're really not supposed to wear those kind of shoes with crutches, but i need the protection, and they're slip ons), anyway, and she goes what happened, so i'm mumbling about it, then go, just off the top of my head, i have to be careful, so i don't stumble and fall.......... then started grinning to myself like a chesire cat! and i'm like, how twisted (no pun intended) is that? i'm fucking around in the kitchen when i should be resting, cuz i don't trust my mom to properly heat up my lunch, (and btw, i'm just done icing both injuries, and i'm not moving come rain or come rain until i have to (excuse me) ahem...use the facilities...)
anyway, i'm like, tee hee hee stumble and fall, stumble and fall, she doesn't even know, sneaky!!!!!! (i didn't say it on purpose). (ps yes, i remember its origins, i learned in july '94!)
ps my mom is phony biatch! (but i love her)
anyway, i'm like, tee hee hee stumble and fall, stumble and fall, she doesn't even know, sneaky!!!!!! (i didn't say it on purpose). (ps yes, i remember its origins, i learned in july '94!)
ps my mom is phony biatch! (but i love her)
Rachel
Jun 5, 2016, 8:59:35 PM6/5/16
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i was hobbling (not a joke, it's so severe... :-/// i'm so dead. i'm trapped in a bed, for all intents and purposes, thank g-d i can make it to the loo... if my mom weren't here, omg, i would...probably have to hire somebody, g-d only knows how i'd find someone...my life is so precarious...living on the edge of good luck...somebody save me......not a joke) anyway, and i thought my mom had made something, i said what did you make? and she goes, nothing, i go, oh, i thought i smelled something cooking, lol, and was grumbling to myself, about it happening again...
Rachel
Jun 5, 2016, 10:19:37 PM6/5/16
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Rachel
Jun 5, 2016, 10:27:21 PM6/5/16
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Rachel
Jun 5, 2016, 11:09:06 PM6/5/16
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Rachel
Jun 5, 2016, 11:14:35 PM6/5/16
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Rachel
Jun 5, 2016, 11:49:31 PM6/5/16
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Rachel
Jun 6, 2016, 1:22:08 AM6/6/16
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Rachel
Jun 6, 2016, 3:10:09 PM6/6/16
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a full-grown adult woman, to her 79-year old mother in the other room, "mom? could you help me brush my teeth, please?"
but i mean, she's here, it's just food and sundries...(ice, teeth, etc...i've got my meds on the bed in that day of the week thing, two, one for day, one for night, the day one has one extra, the ear vitamins, for lunch time, anything to keep it as simple as possible)
i feel so pathetic and helpless. :-(((
Rachel
Jun 29, 2016, 8:49:03 PM6/29/16
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what should i have for dinner?
i was gonna have an amy's enchilada, but i think i should go for the quinoa duo with vegetable melange from trader joe's.
is that enough?
i'm trying to so hard to diet.
oh yeah, and my fish oil. i forgot that at lunch.
is anybody else eating dinner tonight? what are you eating? :-)
i was gonna have an amy's enchilada, but i think i should go for the quinoa duo with vegetable melange from trader joe's.
is that enough?
i'm trying to so hard to diet.
oh yeah, and my fish oil. i forgot that at lunch.
is anybody else eating dinner tonight? what are you eating? :-)
Rachel
Jun 30, 2016, 5:09:21 PM6/30/16
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hi everybody... :-)????????????????
well, anyway, so we're waiting on surgery. it's a moderate tear, of the lowest degree. (not a flap, more like a sandwich, so we wait...). i'm not even taking advil. (or aleve, or tramadol). using a walker.
physical therapy.
already got wheels in motion to arrange transportation (lol!) covered by my state insurance! :-D it was so easy, i am so impressed with the lack of red tape i can't believe it. well, let's just see if it all unfolds as easily as everyone is saying. (the van company, the insurance company...we're waiting for a fax from doctor, etc...(making appointments, then arranging rides.))
ps they have a 90 degree pool. it's right up on sunset, practically in my block... but what am i going to wear? :-////////// i have shorts and t-shirts....but not a lot this size, and i'm going 3X a week. i can't keep washing it, etc....and my bras are new and nice, to fit, i don't want them to get chlorine. can i possibly consider going into the pool braless, with my russian/national geographic pendulous breasts?!?!!?!? i just don't want to lose my bra. i suppose i could order another one, if it's still there (online)...these sizes are hard to find...and not always in stock...
and it's going to be so hard dressing and undressing (with wet sticky clothes...)(and carrying a change) but for that pool....and paul swears by it (pool therapy). (he's sorta been checking in, what with brent taking care of me, etc...to see how things are going, since it's interesting to him.)
well, anyway, so we're waiting on surgery. it's a moderate tear, of the lowest degree. (not a flap, more like a sandwich, so we wait...). i'm not even taking advil. (or aleve, or tramadol). using a walker.
physical therapy.
already got wheels in motion to arrange transportation (lol!) covered by my state insurance! :-D it was so easy, i am so impressed with the lack of red tape i can't believe it. well, let's just see if it all unfolds as easily as everyone is saying. (the van company, the insurance company...we're waiting for a fax from doctor, etc...(making appointments, then arranging rides.))
ps they have a 90 degree pool. it's right up on sunset, practically in my block... but what am i going to wear? :-////////// i have shorts and t-shirts....but not a lot this size, and i'm going 3X a week. i can't keep washing it, etc....and my bras are new and nice, to fit, i don't want them to get chlorine. can i possibly consider going into the pool braless, with my russian/national geographic pendulous breasts?!?!!?!? i just don't want to lose my bra. i suppose i could order another one, if it's still there (online)...these sizes are hard to find...and not always in stock...
and it's going to be so hard dressing and undressing (with wet sticky clothes...)(and carrying a change) but for that pool....and paul swears by it (pool therapy). (he's sorta been checking in, what with brent taking care of me, etc...to see how things are going, since it's interesting to him.)
DianeE
Jun 30, 2016, 8:37:01 PM6/30/16
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"Rachel" <rach...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:43702505-629b-412e...@googlegroups.com...
So you're saying you don't have a bathing suit? They must be on sale now
since we're more than halfway through the season.
DianeE
Rachel
Jun 30, 2016, 9:52:49 PM6/30/16
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******
omg, i just saw a commercial for psychiatric abuse number to call.....i've never seen that before.
this has nothing to do with $$$. i have $$$. i wouldn't even know what to do with it. i'm not using what i have.
ps i'm sick. :-((( my HJMS/D my ankles have been swollen all day, and i am so nauseous, even sitting up to digest, and i have lots of popping and cracking. :-/////
ohhhh, i don't like living alone. :-(((((((((((((((((((((((( i have no one warm to comfort me. :-((((((((((((((
Rachel
Jun 30, 2016, 10:02:02 PM6/30/16
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bob doesn't care about me.
he is such a loser. :-(((
Rachel
Jun 30, 2016, 10:05:46 PM6/30/16
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i even went to an ear doctor semi-recently (5 or so years) for unexplained dizziness, that came and went.
right now, i feel so sick. i want to throw up. it's an awful feeling. i took dramamine.
this is so scary and depressing.
DianeE
Jul 1, 2016, 7:50:46 AM7/1/16
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news:97fa5583-1d0e-47d4...@googlegroups.com...
I thought your mother was staying with you.
I give up. I can't keep up with your posts. I guess everyone else here
knows you for a long time and understands what's going on in your life, but
I don't seem to be able to. My bad.
Take care, Diane
>
> ohhhh, i don't like living alone. :-(((((((((((((((((((((((( i have no one
> warm to comfort me. :-((((((((((((((
------------
> ohhhh, i don't like living alone. :-(((((((((((((((((((((((( i have no one
> warm to comfort me. :-((((((((((((((
I thought your mother was staying with you.
I give up. I can't keep up with your posts. I guess everyone else here
knows you for a long time and understands what's going on in your life, but
I don't seem to be able to. My bad.
Take care, Diane
Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 8:40:14 AM7/1/16
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she went home, back to NYC.
Willie
Jul 1, 2016, 11:09:03 AM7/1/16
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If you want to read something really upsetting, check this out:
http://carbon-sense.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/hertzberg.pdf
A high school classmate of mine, who is a leading denier of anthropomorphic climate change, suggested I read that piece. If it's too long, the gist of it is that (Hertzberg claims) "In comparison to water in all of its forms, the effect of the carbon dioxide increase over the last century on the temperature of the earth is about as significant as a few farts in a hurricane!"
Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 12:57:29 PM7/1/16
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i have hyperjoint mobility disease, and practically every single symptom you can have.
you'll have to excuse me, i'm really sick right now. i don't feel like talking.
my mom is in ny.
Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 2:50:03 PM7/1/16
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it's really scary going through this, all alone, in an empty house....
brent is around every now and then helping, but then he's gone, and everything dies...the unbearable weight of solitude.
Willie
Jul 1, 2016, 2:59:17 PM7/1/16
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On Friday, July 1, 2016 at 12:57:29 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:
> my mom is in ny.
That's what I thought. She must be pretty fit to fly to L.A. so often at 79 (hmm, I'm not that far behind her). Plus, of course, she's gotta love her daughter. I just saw my own doctor, primarily because I'm having trouble getting to sleep, and he told me, among other things, to stay off the computer at night. I said, "What about TV?" and he said, that's not as bad, since you're not right up against it and interacting with it.
> my mom is in ny.
No need to respond.
Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 3:25:53 PM7/1/16
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i just ate a few scoops of yogurt. so far so good. (on dramamine)
this morning, i had half a cup of coffee and some water (and all my NECESSARY meds and vitamins) and i was so sick, i head a headache, was dizzy, and so nauseous i was rocking violently back and forth, yelling.
i just pray this is temporary, maybe from eating in bed for 3 weeks....(knee elevation).
i'm going to see how it goes this weekend. if this keeps happening, next week i'll go the GI.
(ha ha ha)
it's really bad. just as bad as the knee. which is doing a little better, but i don't want to tempt fate. it got better twice, i walked on it, it went out and i couldn't walk at all, so this time, i'm gonna keep using the walker, even though it SEEMS like i could drag it around on it like quasimodo, the iamb.
man that xanax really helped.
so one thing i read, chose your bites and sips carefully. so no more coffee for me. only pure nutrition. i'm not gonna try it today, but i hope i can keep doing my spirulina. i don't wanna throw up. :-(((
like i said years ago, doing it to yourself is one thing...but having that sick feeling inside you, nausea, is just sick/awful/pure misery.
i think this happened by my HJMD, but i also saw something about BULIMIA, but i'm really thinking, this has to do with eating lying in bed for 3 weeks....
everybody keep your fingers crossed for me. i'm taking dramamine and diurex for my ankles. they seem to be working....
and i have to sit on couch all day, and eat my last meal at say, 4 pm, so i can stay vertical for 4-5 hours before lying down.
so many rules....so maybe clouds bound by laws...so much agony and heartache... :-((((
it never ends. i always keep saying to myself, whatever it is, when this is over, it will all be good, hurray, and then, like clockwork, it ends, and then something else bad happens. am i all wrong?
Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 5:11:25 PM7/1/16
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she was driving me crazy. all these things got messed up, that i have to fix.
at the time i was like, that's it, she' never coming back, i'll go there if i have to!!! messing up my magnets, all my pens and pencils...
and she didn't clean while she was here. it was so gross. a million times worse than how i keep the kitchen..
and she couldn't even follow the simple rules for the three sponges, each in a special spot. one for the chopping board, that only uses palmolive. one for dishes, also just for dishes, and the one balanced in the middle, for clorox spray, to scrub out the sink and wipe down counters.
it was SO GROSS. i went over there, the sink was BROWN, and the sponges were all BROWN, and FULL OF DISGUSTING DIRTY LIQUID.
i can't take it. and she put coffee grounds down the garbage disposal, etc.. etc... etc..
Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 5:13:18 PM7/1/16
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Rachel
Jul 1, 2016, 5:40:13 PM7/1/16
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Rachel
Jul 4, 2016, 3:14:19 PM7/4/16
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we used up the hamburgers while mom was here (i had one, she had one, i think that's it)
i noticed yummy has grass-fed beef, and i could order it, but i just placed an order, and also, it's higher fat (which might be delicious...)
i think i'm stuck with a corn dog, unless i place an order....
i noticed yummy has grass-fed beef, and i could order it, but i just placed an order, and also, it's higher fat (which might be delicious...)
i think i'm stuck with a corn dog, unless i place an order....
Rachel
Jul 4, 2016, 8:01:55 PM7/4/16
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so i think i'm having frank and beans for dinner for july 4th! (corn dog, plus lentils)
frank and beans! frank and beans!
Rachel
Jul 11, 2016, 5:06:27 PM7/11/16
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well, since nothing is happening...
i'll tell you what i am eating today...:
breakfast
orange
oatmeal (low sugar, maple and brown sugar) with milk and stevia and a dab of butter
coffee (decaf, due to stressful problem at home. :-(( )(throughout the day)
lunch
spirulina
a big tomato
snack
half medium/small avocado
dinner
some pizza rolls and a soda (treat tonight) i haven't decided how many. there are about 10 left in the bag. (i can't remember if i had them, or my mom) i'm thinking i'll have 6, and hopefully go to bed hungry.
i'm saving the pastrami for tomorrow.
i know i haven't been getting my fresh leafy greens, it's just the preparation, i've been trying to stay off my leg....when i order from yummy next time, i'm ordering romaine, for salmon salads...
i'll tell you what i am eating today...:
breakfast
orange
oatmeal (low sugar, maple and brown sugar) with milk and stevia and a dab of butter
coffee (decaf, due to stressful problem at home. :-(( )(throughout the day)
lunch
spirulina
a big tomato
snack
half medium/small avocado
dinner
some pizza rolls and a soda (treat tonight) i haven't decided how many. there are about 10 left in the bag. (i can't remember if i had them, or my mom) i'm thinking i'll have 6, and hopefully go to bed hungry.
i'm saving the pastrami for tomorrow.
i know i haven't been getting my fresh leafy greens, it's just the preparation, i've been trying to stay off my leg....when i order from yummy next time, i'm ordering romaine, for salmon salads...
Rachel
Jul 12, 2016, 2:57:54 PM7/12/16
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bad news: the zevia black cherry is really bad. (yummy)
good news: the hansen's diet black cherry is really good. (gelson's or maybe whole foods)
good news: the zevia ginger root beer is really good. (yummy)
good news: the hansen's diet black cherry is really good. (gelson's or maybe whole foods)
good news: the zevia ginger root beer is really good. (yummy)
Rachel
Jul 13, 2016, 8:11:26 PM7/13/16
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i'm having the pastrami for dinner tonight.
i'm so depressed.
i almost don't care.
i mean, i'm hungry, and it will be good (even delicious) but i don't care. :-(((
today was weird. :-(((
is my boo boo ever coming back? :-(((
can i ever have my boo boo? :-(((
am i bad? :-(((
am i good enough? :-(((
does he really like me? :-(((
does he even wanna be with me? :-(((
oh well. :-(((
i'm so depressed.
i almost don't care.
i mean, i'm hungry, and it will be good (even delicious) but i don't care. :-(((
today was weird. :-(((
is my boo boo ever coming back? :-(((
can i ever have my boo boo? :-(((
am i bad? :-(((
am i good enough? :-(((
does he really like me? :-(((
does he even wanna be with me? :-(((
oh well. :-(((
Rachel
Jul 13, 2016, 8:24:28 PM7/13/16
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sigh...
Rachel
Jul 13, 2016, 8:56:56 PM7/13/16
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i've barely eaten since yesterday morning, very sparsely, and now, I just bit into this huge monstrous pastrami sandwich, drowning in sauerkraut (also jewish) and thousand island (not jewish, i'm mixing...) (there's a funny joke about that, what did g-d mean when he said not to boil a kid in its (his/her?) mother's milk, anyway...)
so i took this big messy bite, all my mass of paper towels waiting in the wings, and i had this flash...
i felt like Bush in that movie W.... did you see it? Josh Broliin I think it is, plays Bush.
Who plays Bush in Heaven? :-)? :-////////?
so i took this big messy bite, all my mass of paper towels waiting in the wings, and i had this flash...
i felt like Bush in that movie W.... did you see it? Josh Broliin I think it is, plays Bush.
Who plays Bush in Heaven? :-)? :-////////?
Just Kidding
Jul 13, 2016, 11:14:44 PM7/13/16
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On Wed, 13 Jul 2016 17:56:54 -0700 (PDT), Rachel <rach...@gmail.com>
wrote:
There are no Bushes in heaven.
wrote:
BobbyM
Jul 13, 2016, 11:22:05 PM7/13/16
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Rachel
Jul 13, 2016, 11:28:56 PM7/13/16
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Just Kidding
Jul 14, 2016, 12:05:11 AM7/14/16
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Rachel
Jul 14, 2016, 12:07:06 AM7/14/16
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Just Kidding
Jul 14, 2016, 12:38:57 AM7/14/16
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On Wed, 13 Jul 2016 21:07:04 -0700 (PDT), Rachel
I have no idea.
Rachel
Jul 14, 2016, 12:40:50 AM7/14/16
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Rachel
Aug 15, 2016, 9:45:20 PM8/15/16
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well, they have that brand turkey sausage at ralph's in west hollywood.
why is everything i like disappearing?
seriously...
you wouldn't BELIEVE how many of my favorites or even just things i choose disappear.
:-((((
why is everything i like disappearing?
seriously...
you wouldn't BELIEVE how many of my favorites or even just things i choose disappear.
:-((((
Rachel
Aug 27, 2016, 6:49:01 PM8/27/16
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i'm sorry. :-(((
i just can't care about creed's son like i care about rocky. :-((((
but i wish he wasn't so self-pitying.
it doesn't seem warranted. i don't believe it. inside, i think he knows he's a beautiful person.
why does he act like he feels so sorry for himself? :-////
it seems like a lie to me, like in, what was that....the razor thing.....the deniro movie too......grudge match!
i just can't care about creed's son like i care about rocky. :-((((
but i wish he wasn't so self-pitying.
it doesn't seem warranted. i don't believe it. inside, i think he knows he's a beautiful person.
why does he act like he feels so sorry for himself? :-////
it seems like a lie to me, like in, what was that....the razor thing.....the deniro movie too......grudge match!
Rachel
Aug 27, 2016, 7:04:59 PM8/27/16
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Rachel
Aug 27, 2016, 7:10:31 PM8/27/16
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Stephan Pickering
Aug 28, 2016, 4:18:44 PM8/28/16
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On Saturday, August 27, 2016 at 4:10:31 PM UTC-7, Rachel wrote:
> i shrunk from a most respectable 5' 7 1/2" to 5' 6 1/4", and i don't even know if it's over (!!!!!!!!), i fucking hate myself, and want to blow my g-ddamn brains out!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shalom & Boker tov...which 'Rachel' are you? Most of you are male cross-dressers, none of you are transgender, nor do I believe you are biologically female. You are not a Yehu'di, even you are like me, who is Yehu'dit, from Horrorwood.
> i shrunk from a most respectable 5' 7 1/2" to 5' 6 1/4", and i don't even know if it's over (!!!!!!!!), i fucking hate myself, and want to blow my g-ddamn brains out!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STEPHAN PICKERING / חפץ ח"ם בן אברהם
Torah אלילה Yehu'di Apikores / Philologia Kabbalistica Speculativa Researcher
לחיות זמן רב ולשגשג
THE KABBALAH FRACTALS PROJECT
Rachel
Aug 28, 2016, 4:23:17 PM8/28/16
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i don't really know what you mean. it doesn't make grammatical sense to me. i'm assuming horrorwood is some kind reference to the Shoah, but other than that, i don't follow your words, meaning, sentence....
M. Rick
Aug 29, 2016, 1:04:43 AM8/29/16
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On Sunday, August 28, 2016 at 1:23:17 PM UTC-7, Rachel wrote:
> i'm assuming horrorwood is some kind reference to the Shoah, but other than that, i don't follow your words, meaning, sentence....
I think it's a pun (and a lousy one) on Hollywood.
> i'm assuming horrorwood is some kind reference to the Shoah, but other than that, i don't follow your words, meaning, sentence....
Stephan Pickering
Aug 29, 2016, 11:53:07 AM8/29/16
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On Sunday, August 28, 2016 at 10:04:43 PM UTC-7, M. Rick wrote:
.
>
> I think it's a pun (and a lousy one) on Hollywood...
.
>
Shalom & Boker tov...the alt-right crucifictonal chronic liar re/surfaces, with his Yehu'di hatreds and illiteracy. Actually, it's not a 'pun' at all. A second correction: the troll is using 'I think' incorrectly. When he opens his mouth, it is predictable cross-contamination. To use a 1970 statement by Samuel Beckett, every word arising from this troll remains an unnecessary stain on silence and no-thing-ness.
Rachel
Sep 3, 2016, 8:07:07 PM9/3/16
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i had a hamburger.
sweet potato fries are in the oven.
hurray for me.
sweet potato fries are in the oven.
hurray for me.
Rachel
Sep 3, 2016, 8:20:39 PM9/3/16
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actually, i just started the sweet potato fries. they are damn good, but...
i don't care.
i miss bob SO_BAD. what should i do? i'm SO_UNHAPPY.
Rachel
Sep 3, 2016, 8:26:28 PM9/3/16
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just fucking (omg, i'm going to burst out crying, my eyes got wet and everything, and my chest almost exploded (safely)), go back to the house, even have my dear "friend" brent drive me, and ask,
"hi, is robert kirby here?"
"hi, mr. kirby? i don't know if you remember me? it's rachel ben-levi....
do you think it would be possible to meet the great Bob Dylan before he dies? (omg i'm crying, almost, again)(rereading whole thing, crying at the end again, almost, eyes got wetter)
fuck me forever. :-(((((((((((((((((((((((((
Rachel
Sep 3, 2016, 8:29:15 PM9/3/16
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Rachel
Sep 4, 2016, 4:42:18 PM9/4/16
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i'm gonna have a V-8. (spicy!)
get it?
get it?
1941052...@gmail.com
Sep 5, 2016, 1:53:51 PM9/5/16
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Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 2:29:07 PM9/5/16
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On Monday, September 5, 2016 at 10:53:51 AM UTC-7, 1941052...@gmail.com wrote:
> http://stephanpickering.yolasite.com/Archives.php
>
> > V-8. (spicy!)
sugar and spice and everything nice? ;-)
(jk, obviously lol)(and not lol :-( )
> http://stephanpickering.yolasite.com/Archives.php
>
> > V-8. (spicy!)
sugar and spice and everything nice? ;-)
(jk, obviously lol)(and not lol :-( )
Just Walkin'
Sep 5, 2016, 2:43:26 PM9/5/16
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On Sunday, September 4, 2016 at 3:42:18 PM UTC-5, Rachel wrote:
> i'm gonna have a V-8. (spicy!)
>
> get it?
Back in '79 or '80, I *almost* ended up with a famous female blues player for the evening that took a shine to me backstage after a concert, but begged-off to go home with the nurse pal from Yale New Haven I came with. When she ditched me for a former ex at the Dirty Angels gig we stopped at afterwards, I thought, "Jeez, I could have had a B. Raitt."
> i'm gonna have a V-8. (spicy!)
>
> get it?
Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 7:46:23 PM9/5/16
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I want to meet you.
Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 7:50:32 PM9/5/16
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On Monday, September 5, 2016 at 4:46:23 PM UTC-7, Rachel wrote:
> I want to meet you.
I am really really really really really really REALLY unhappy.
> I want to meet you.
Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 7:57:26 PM9/5/16
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I AM SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW.
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKED UP.
THANK YOU FOR RUINING MY LIFE, ADOLF HITLER. (THAT'S PROBABLY A SYNECDOCHE).
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKED UP.
THANK YOU FOR RUINING MY LIFE, ADOLF HITLER. (THAT'S PROBABLY A SYNECDOCHE).
Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 7:59:15 PM9/5/16
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I KNOW YOU'RE NEVER COMING BACK, BOB DYLAN.
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE BEFORE I GET A CHANCE TO MEET YOU.
MY WHOLE LIFE WAS A COMPLETE WASTE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUCKED UP AND UNHAPPY I AM.
ALL I WANT IS TO MEET BOB DYLAN.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE BEFORE I GET A CHANCE TO MEET YOU.
MY WHOLE LIFE WAS A COMPLETE WASTE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUCKED UP AND UNHAPPY I AM.
ALL I WANT IS TO MEET BOB DYLAN.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 8:12:58 PM9/5/16
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AND I KNOW THAT'S NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GOING TO HAPPEN, FOR A BAZILLION YEARS IF THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GET THERE, JUST BECAUSE G-D IS AN ASSHOLE, THERE IS NO G-D, THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, I AM SO STUPID, WHY WOULD I GET TO BE WITH BOB DYLAN IN PERSON, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I AM SO FUCKING FUCKED UP THIS WHOLE WORLD IS DISGUSTING I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK, BOB DYLAN IS GOING TO DIE BEFORE I GET TO MEET HIM AND BE WITH HIM EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF EVERY FUCKING DAY FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, I NEED HELP, I NEED HELP, I NEED HELP, I NEED HELP, I CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T DO THIS, I AM NOT PERFECT, I AM NOT PERFECT, I AM NOT PERFECT, I AM NOT PERFECT, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WILL LIKE BOB DYLAN WHY DO I WANT TO MEET HIM I'M AN IDIOT I'M AN IDIOT I'M AN IDIOT IS BOB DYLAN MAKING FUN OF ME, DOES HE THINK IT'S FUNNY THAT HE SMOKES, IS HE TEASING ME, IS THIS ALL A BIG FUCKING JOKE TO HIM, WHY WON'T HE COME BACK, WHY DOES HE MAKE ME HAVE TO *ASK* ROBERT KIRBY, ROBERT KIRBY LOOKED AT ME SO *STERNLY* AND AFTER INVITING ME BACK THEN HE PULLED A MEAN *IGNORANT VIDEO* ON ME, AND IT WAS TOO HARD, AND LAST TIME HE SAID PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET IN TO MEET BOB DYLAN BEFORE HE *DIES* I WAS *CRYING* IN THE CAR WITH BRENT TODAY, IT'S NOT GOING TO COME *TRUE* IT'S NOT GOING TO COME *TRUE* HE WON'T GET BACK IN TIME, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD
MY PSYCHOANALYST COMPLETELY FUCKED WITH MY HEAD TODAY, IT'S SICK IT'S SO SICK EVERYBODY IS A LIAR, EVERYBODY IS A LIAR, G-D IS SICK, G-D IS SO SICK, G-D IS SO SICK, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT THE MESSIAH, I AM NOT THE MESSIAH, I AM NOT THE MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I WILL NOT SAVE YOU, I WILL NOT SAVE YOU, I CAN NOT SAVE YOU, I CAN NOT SAVE YOU, I WILL NOT SAVE YOU, FUCK YOU , FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, OMG, I AM SO FUCKED UP, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM SO SCARED, I AM SO SCARED, I NEED MORE XANAX, I AM SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW, I AM SO FUCKED UP
GO FUCK YOURSELF RACHEL, YOU ARE SO RETARDED, ALL YOU WANT IS TO BE WITH BOB DYLAN EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY AND EVERY NIGHT AND EVERY WEEK AND EVERY MONTH AND EVERY YEAR.....UNTIL HE DIES, THEN YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD, ALL YOU WANT IS BOB DYLAN, ALL YOU WANT IS BOB DYLAN YOU DON'T CARE YOU DON'T CARE YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT, IT'S ALL A FUCKING DRUG FANTASY, YOU DON'T WANT TO SUFFER ANYMORE YOU DON'T WANT TO SUFFER ANYMORE YOU NEVER WANT TO SUFFER AGAIN, YOU ARE SO SICK OF SUFFERING, YOU ARE SO FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF PAIN AND SUFFERING, YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED HELP, YOU DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND NO ONE WILL HELP YOU, NO ONE WILL COME LIVE WITH YOU ALL YOU HAVE IS BRENT, THIS ISN'T FAIR, YOU WORKED AND SUFFERED FOR 22 YEARS FOR BOB DYLAN AND YOU ARE FUCKING *DYING* WITH PAIN AND SUFFERING, BOB DYLAN IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO EVER LIVED YOU MADE A MISTAKE, YOU MADE THE BIGGEST FUCKING MISTAKE OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE, YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN THIS WORLD IS ALL WRONG, FUCK THE WORK, WHAT ABOUT ME, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I CAN'T STAND ANOTHER SECOND OF THIS I NEED MORE XANAX, NOBODY WILL HELP ME NOBODY WILL COMFORT ME NOBODY WILL HELP ME NOBODY CAN HELP ME NOBODY CAN HELP ME BRENT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO ROBERT KIRBY WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IN WE WANTED TO HELP BOB DYLAN SO HE WOULD STOP SMOKING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I NEED MORE XANAX.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WILL LIKE BOB DYLAN WHY DO I WANT TO MEET HIM I'M AN IDIOT I'M AN IDIOT I'M AN IDIOT IS BOB DYLAN MAKING FUN OF ME, DOES HE THINK IT'S FUNNY THAT HE SMOKES, IS HE TEASING ME, IS THIS ALL A BIG FUCKING JOKE TO HIM, WHY WON'T HE COME BACK, WHY DOES HE MAKE ME HAVE TO *ASK* ROBERT KIRBY, ROBERT KIRBY LOOKED AT ME SO *STERNLY* AND AFTER INVITING ME BACK THEN HE PULLED A MEAN *IGNORANT VIDEO* ON ME, AND IT WAS TOO HARD, AND LAST TIME HE SAID PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET IN TO MEET BOB DYLAN BEFORE HE *DIES* I WAS *CRYING* IN THE CAR WITH BRENT TODAY, IT'S NOT GOING TO COME *TRUE* IT'S NOT GOING TO COME *TRUE* HE WON'T GET BACK IN TIME, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, G-D IS NOT NICE, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD I AM NOT GOOD
MY PSYCHOANALYST COMPLETELY FUCKED WITH MY HEAD TODAY, IT'S SICK IT'S SO SICK EVERYBODY IS A LIAR, EVERYBODY IS A LIAR, G-D IS SICK, G-D IS SO SICK, G-D IS SO SICK, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT G-D, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT THE MESSIAH, I AM NOT THE MESSIAH, I AM NOT THE MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I AM NOT YOUR MESSIAH, I WILL NOT SAVE YOU, I WILL NOT SAVE YOU, I CAN NOT SAVE YOU, I CAN NOT SAVE YOU, I WILL NOT SAVE YOU, FUCK YOU , FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, OMG, I AM SO FUCKED UP, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM SO SCARED, I AM SO SCARED, I NEED MORE XANAX, I AM SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW, I AM SO FUCKED UP
GO FUCK YOURSELF RACHEL, YOU ARE SO RETARDED, ALL YOU WANT IS TO BE WITH BOB DYLAN EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY AND EVERY NIGHT AND EVERY WEEK AND EVERY MONTH AND EVERY YEAR.....UNTIL HE DIES, THEN YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD, ALL YOU WANT IS BOB DYLAN, ALL YOU WANT IS BOB DYLAN YOU DON'T CARE YOU DON'T CARE YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT, IT'S ALL A FUCKING DRUG FANTASY, YOU DON'T WANT TO SUFFER ANYMORE YOU DON'T WANT TO SUFFER ANYMORE YOU NEVER WANT TO SUFFER AGAIN, YOU ARE SO SICK OF SUFFERING, YOU ARE SO FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF PAIN AND SUFFERING, YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED HELP, YOU NEED HELP, YOU DESPERATELY NEED HELP AND NO ONE WILL HELP YOU, NO ONE WILL COME LIVE WITH YOU ALL YOU HAVE IS BRENT, THIS ISN'T FAIR, YOU WORKED AND SUFFERED FOR 22 YEARS FOR BOB DYLAN AND YOU ARE FUCKING *DYING* WITH PAIN AND SUFFERING, BOB DYLAN IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO EVER LIVED YOU MADE A MISTAKE, YOU MADE THE BIGGEST FUCKING MISTAKE OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE, YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN THIS WORLD IS ALL WRONG, FUCK THE WORK, WHAT ABOUT ME, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I CAN'T STAND ANOTHER SECOND OF THIS I NEED MORE XANAX, NOBODY WILL HELP ME NOBODY WILL COMFORT ME NOBODY WILL HELP ME NOBODY CAN HELP ME NOBODY CAN HELP ME BRENT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO ROBERT KIRBY WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IN WE WANTED TO HELP BOB DYLAN SO HE WOULD STOP SMOKING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I NEED MORE XANAX.
marcus
Sep 5, 2016, 8:57:30 PM9/5/16
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Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 9:02:23 PM9/5/16
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Rachel
Sep 5, 2016, 9:07:10 PM9/5/16
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bob, are you as fucked up as i am? :-(
zippl...@gmail.com
Sep 6, 2016, 11:21:48 AM9/6/16
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On Friday, June 3, 2016 at 4:43:38 PM UTC-5, Rachel wrote:
> i'm in the kitchen, hobbling around on my crutches with my bum knee and swollen ankle, getting my amy's enchilada,
How did you end up on crutches? For the past 4 years, every time i would get on my exercise
bike and one of my feet would swell up. Like you I have a bum knee that won't bend. I'm not
good on crutches at all.
>>minus the corn,<<
Your knee has corn in it?
which actually, i find tasty mixed in with the beans, not bad..., but i'm trying to diet. anyway, so i sort tripped a tiny bit, with my croc (you're really not supposed to wear those kind of shoes with crutches, but i need the protection, and they're slip ons), anyway, and she goes what happened, so i'm mumbling about it, then go, just off the top of my head, i have to be careful, so i don't stumble and fall.......... then started grinning to myself like a chesire cat! and i'm like, how twisted (no pun intended) is that? i'm fucking around in the kitchen when i should be resting, cuz i don't trust my mom to properly heat up my lunch, (and btw, i'm just done icing both injuries, and i'm not moving come rain or come rain until i have to (excuse me) ahem...use the facilities...)<<
It's a major event to get to the facilities with/without crutches. Oh the pain and dragging
around your body weight.
> anyway, i'm like, tee hee hee stumble and fall, stumble and fall, she doesn't even know, sneaky!!!!!! (i didn't say it on purpose). (ps yes, i remember its origins, i learned in july '94!)
>
> ps my mom is phony biatch! (but i love her)
We all do.
> i'm in the kitchen, hobbling around on my crutches with my bum knee and swollen ankle, getting my amy's enchilada,
How did you end up on crutches? For the past 4 years, every time i would get on my exercise
bike and one of my feet would swell up. Like you I have a bum knee that won't bend. I'm not
good on crutches at all.
>>minus the corn,<<
Your knee has corn in it?
which actually, i find tasty mixed in with the beans, not bad..., but i'm trying to diet. anyway, so i sort tripped a tiny bit, with my croc (you're really not supposed to wear those kind of shoes with crutches, but i need the protection, and they're slip ons), anyway, and she goes what happened, so i'm mumbling about it, then go, just off the top of my head, i have to be careful, so i don't stumble and fall.......... then started grinning to myself like a chesire cat! and i'm like, how twisted (no pun intended) is that? i'm fucking around in the kitchen when i should be resting, cuz i don't trust my mom to properly heat up my lunch, (and btw, i'm just done icing both injuries, and i'm not moving come rain or come rain until i have to (excuse me) ahem...use the facilities...)<<
It's a major event to get to the facilities with/without crutches. Oh the pain and dragging
around your body weight.
> anyway, i'm like, tee hee hee stumble and fall, stumble and fall, she doesn't even know, sneaky!!!!!! (i didn't say it on purpose). (ps yes, i remember its origins, i learned in july '94!)
>
> ps my mom is phony biatch! (but i love her)
We all do.
Dresden Houndiearfums
Sep 6, 2016, 11:33:04 AM9/6/16
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Did you come here to spam the group?
zippl...@gmail.com
Sep 6, 2016, 12:03:54 PM9/6/16
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chris
Sep 6, 2016, 2:25:32 PM9/6/16
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On Tuesday, September 6, 2016 at 11:33:04 AM UTC-4, Dresden Houndiearfums wrote:
>
> How is any of your response related to Dylan?
>
> Did you come here to spam the group?
how about yourself, all i've seen is accusatory spam under your 'name'
>
> How is any of your response related to Dylan?
>
> Did you come here to spam the group?
Rachel
Sep 6, 2016, 2:53:05 PM9/6/16
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zippl...@gmail.com
Sep 6, 2016, 3:03:53 PM9/6/16
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women in some dating sites. The management won't even get back to me about
my pre-paid Visa card of 50 dollars. Don't know if I ever want to get married though.
Never been married.
Rachel
Sep 6, 2016, 11:48:26 PM9/6/16
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i didn't wanna say, and spoil the surprise for bob, but i started making a rigatoni, and the realized, omg, i'm out of milk!!!!!! the thing is, the weren't coming out great. they were too runny....
anyway, i was desperate, i had already started cooking the pasta, and i thought about it, so i tried sour cream, but it was so thick, so i added a little plain kefir, too.
so it was like a thick paste....
O M G.
it was sooooooooooooooooooooo good.
best one i ever had.
i hope one day i get to make one for bob. :-((((((((((((((((((((((((( before he dies. :-((((((((((((((((((((((((( any day now. :-(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
anyway, i was desperate, i had already started cooking the pasta, and i thought about it, so i tried sour cream, but it was so thick, so i added a little plain kefir, too.
so it was like a thick paste....
O M G.
it was sooooooooooooooooooooo good.
best one i ever had.
i hope one day i get to make one for bob. :-((((((((((((((((((((((((( before he dies. :-((((((((((((((((((((((((( any day now. :-(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
zippl...@gmail.com
Sep 7, 2016, 4:14:24 PM9/7/16
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Stephan Pickering
Sep 9, 2016, 1:13:10 AM9/9/16
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Now...we are drawing closer, behind these meaningless simulacra all of you are erecting (your pseudo-sexualised babbles can be dismissed for lack of coherence), to the three of you. Unless, one of you has stepped back, added another masque made from perforated rubbers. It could be, too, that there is now one of you, in sequence; or, that there is only one of you left. Of course, there is no rational explanation for who you are because, in the beginning, it was not rational. Nor, is what all of you are attempting to manufacture original, or even interesting. Like Lacan, you have been a fraud (albeit rather boring, at that). Over 60 years ago, EC Comics did a much more revolutionary effort to manipulate post-Sho'ah energy vampyrs than what you are capable of.
Now, I await to see where you take your stupidities in your next installment in Cyberia.
Rachel
Sep 9, 2016, 11:23:48 PM9/9/16
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i'm worried about bob. :-((( is he okayyyyyyy? :-///////////////// (random pressure on keyboard)
Rachel
Sep 16, 2016, 5:00:26 PM9/16/16
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so...............
like i went in for a cleaning, and a number of days later, i was flossing, and this damn cap all the way in the back (lower left) popped off.
okay, no biggie. go back in, glue it back on. but i have to wait. friday to tuesday (labor day). so he says, keep it real clean, and i'm like, on no!!, you know me, brush and floss, then go to bed, then later can't sleep, go eat, fall asleep with food all over my mouth. :-((( he's like, do your best.
so i go in. he's like, uh oh, there's a little bit of decay. we're gonna have to make a new cap. i'm like, this isn't fair. :-(((( but then we look into it. (he's very very nice, we are good friends, hug, everything, he's wonderful. good people.)
so turns out, the whole thing was a blessing in disguise!!!!!!!!! there was a tiny little hole that had been made from food/bacteria at the bottom of the cap, and bacteria creeped up in there and decayed the tooth a tiny bit right above it, so we caught it before any great damage was done, it's a good solid tooth under there. and even though it was really all my fault...he's giving me a little break on it. :-/// :-D????? plus, i get to get a new cap that totally meets the gum line, as of course, as we age, they tend to slowly recede. :-///
so what the fuck does this have to do with anything?
so as usual, he makes me a temporary.
then a few days later, i get this call from sandy, the receptionist. "you have to come back, the impression didn't take." i'm like aw fuck (literally, "oh no! :-(")(it's SUCH a pain in the *ss!)(she's like, i knew you'd say that! :-) ). but then, my temporary pops off in between then and my appointment, so i would have had to go back anyway. also, it's always nice to see dr. k.. so now especially that it's all cleaned up, no decay, i really try hard to keep it super clean. plus, btw, he said, it wouldn't happen that fast, just do your best.
so i go in, everything's fine, he takes a new impression, and puts back on my temporary.
so i'm like, should i not floss it? for 3 weeks???????????? he's like, pull out the floss on the bottom, string it through, don't pop it up. i'm like, but i use the flossies. so they get me these special picks, to stick between the tooth, and the sensitive temporary.
they send me home with a pile of them, and the special instructions.
when i first got back, i said to myself, don't forget the temporary! then i started, in my usual place, upper right, worked my way all the way over, hum dee dum, then cut back down and across to the lower right, and worked my way over again, and then *plumb forgot*, and started treating that temporary as a real tooth! i stuck the flossie in there, started to floss, then started to pull it out, pop it out, with pressure, and then remembered!!!!!! omg, what am i DOING???? so i stopped, with flossie still stuck between my teeth (one tooth, one temporary), went to the kitchen to retrieve the scisssors, went back to the mirror so i could see what i was doing, and cut the string, then gently pulled it out sideways.
so all is good now, i've just got this really finicky temporary all the way in the back of the lower left corner of my mouth, and i have to be really careful, and not lose it. i have to remind myself, while i floss, don't forget the temporary, don't forget the temporary, over and over until i get there, and then i remember. i have to be very careful, and give it a special treatment, saving for last.
so that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.
hope nobody finds this too offensive. :)?
like i went in for a cleaning, and a number of days later, i was flossing, and this damn cap all the way in the back (lower left) popped off.
okay, no biggie. go back in, glue it back on. but i have to wait. friday to tuesday (labor day). so he says, keep it real clean, and i'm like, on no!!, you know me, brush and floss, then go to bed, then later can't sleep, go eat, fall asleep with food all over my mouth. :-((( he's like, do your best.
so i go in. he's like, uh oh, there's a little bit of decay. we're gonna have to make a new cap. i'm like, this isn't fair. :-(((( but then we look into it. (he's very very nice, we are good friends, hug, everything, he's wonderful. good people.)
so turns out, the whole thing was a blessing in disguise!!!!!!!!! there was a tiny little hole that had been made from food/bacteria at the bottom of the cap, and bacteria creeped up in there and decayed the tooth a tiny bit right above it, so we caught it before any great damage was done, it's a good solid tooth under there. and even though it was really all my fault...he's giving me a little break on it. :-/// :-D????? plus, i get to get a new cap that totally meets the gum line, as of course, as we age, they tend to slowly recede. :-///
so what the fuck does this have to do with anything?
so as usual, he makes me a temporary.
then a few days later, i get this call from sandy, the receptionist. "you have to come back, the impression didn't take." i'm like aw fuck (literally, "oh no! :-(")(it's SUCH a pain in the *ss!)(she's like, i knew you'd say that! :-) ). but then, my temporary pops off in between then and my appointment, so i would have had to go back anyway. also, it's always nice to see dr. k.. so now especially that it's all cleaned up, no decay, i really try hard to keep it super clean. plus, btw, he said, it wouldn't happen that fast, just do your best.
so i go in, everything's fine, he takes a new impression, and puts back on my temporary.
so i'm like, should i not floss it? for 3 weeks???????????? he's like, pull out the floss on the bottom, string it through, don't pop it up. i'm like, but i use the flossies. so they get me these special picks, to stick between the tooth, and the sensitive temporary.
they send me home with a pile of them, and the special instructions.
when i first got back, i said to myself, don't forget the temporary! then i started, in my usual place, upper right, worked my way all the way over, hum dee dum, then cut back down and across to the lower right, and worked my way over again, and then *plumb forgot*, and started treating that temporary as a real tooth! i stuck the flossie in there, started to floss, then started to pull it out, pop it out, with pressure, and then remembered!!!!!! omg, what am i DOING???? so i stopped, with flossie still stuck between my teeth (one tooth, one temporary), went to the kitchen to retrieve the scisssors, went back to the mirror so i could see what i was doing, and cut the string, then gently pulled it out sideways.
so all is good now, i've just got this really finicky temporary all the way in the back of the lower left corner of my mouth, and i have to be really careful, and not lose it. i have to remind myself, while i floss, don't forget the temporary, don't forget the temporary, over and over until i get there, and then i remember. i have to be very careful, and give it a special treatment, saving for last.
so that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.
hope nobody finds this too offensive. :)?
Rachel
Sep 23, 2016, 11:00:04 PM9/23/16
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i have to go to cvs for my xanax, and also to pick out a dessert. (from either there or 7-11)
Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 12:24:04 AM9/24/16
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On Friday, September 23, 2016 at 8:00:04 PM UTC-7, Rachel wrote:
> i have to go to cvs for my xanax, and also to pick out a dessert. (from either there or 7-11)
it's too long to tell you my whole life story. i'm tired. :-( i could use a decent tub. :-( oh well, lying down is good enough. rest my shoulders and upper back.
> i have to go to cvs for my xanax, and also to pick out a dessert. (from either there or 7-11)
i celebrated (dessert) with king's hawaiian sweet rolls with butter, (the small pack) (well, actually it's four, that was one too many. oh well.) to celebrate our american president! :-) not a secret muslim, or african (kenyan?), or whatever they said. phew. that's a relief. :-)
and a pack of ho ho's for a delicious treat! take a load off and live a little, if you know what i mean! but just a little... :-/// my big thing now is endorphins are needed, i don't care as much right now about being super thin. just not fucking throwing up. (gettin' dangerous...vomiting fire...even a little is too much, and you never know, it's weird. i got it tested once a long time ago, when it happened, and a whole stream came out, but they looked inside, and said, well, whatever it was, has healed. but i just don't like it. whatever is going on, it ain't good. :-/// i don't fucking wanna risk a bad stomach that i have to LIVE WITH, digestion problems, god only knows. no way. not worth it. for me.... :-//// and i would hope anybody... really, isn't good health the most important thing? (i feel like a hypocrite)
Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 12:27:57 AM9/24/16
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omg, i'm so stuffed. :-((( (FOUR ROLLS WITH SLABS OF BUTTER) (i haven't been eating much so it's okay, i'm just so full.)
Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 12:33:23 PM9/24/16
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like a half an hour ago (as i start to write this) i was sitting on the couch having my coffee, day dreaming....
i imagined i was giving a lecture to a group of interested parties... on a little bit of my background, and how diseased i was in my literally delusional thinking (and i don't mean about how great it is to be thin), and how to get over/let go/wean yourself off bulimia. all the little *tiny tricks* i learned, that make it bearable. i mean, things that were REALLY surprising to me. i'm not saying i've succeeded yet 100% in eliminating it, but now that the pressure is off, is much easier. i even pretended i was talking to people who would not stand for weight gain as a way of dealing, as well. i still have seriously learned a lot of ways to wean yourself off, things that *REALLY surprised me*, things that i used to think, in my neurosis, that simply weren't true, and really worked, and were *not* hard, it just took a lot of trial and error to learn, omg, this really does work...and i can stand it. although i can remember being told some of these same things by someone else once in an eating disorders program, but i just refused to believe her. but i was just hoping that maybe i would be a more compelling and believable messenger. :-)
anyway
like i said, just fantasising there... ... not really 100% sure ...
Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 12:38:59 PM9/24/16
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Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 12:49:00 PM9/24/16
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i had a friend who would use exercise, but it wasn't to the point of being a disease. she was fit as a fiddle (an athlete), and would just casually eat a whole entire pizza one night, and then go running the next day, no big deal. or like, once i picked her up (in my beloved rachelmobile), after crew at penn, and she stopped at CINNABON, and got one of those monster cinnamon rolls with icing as a snack.
i mean, what a great way to live. like dearly departed hi in the poetry group. goes running every day, and eats whatever the fuck he wants. but if you hate running, i mean, there's lots of ways to get a lot of exercise, and it's so fun, and makes you feel SO GOOD. ugh. HELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!! (talking to myself? :-((( )
Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 1:08:18 PM9/24/16
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On Saturday, September 24, 2016 at 9:33:23 AM UTC-7, Rachel wrote:
> although i can remember being told some of these same things by someone else once in an eating disorders program, but i just refused to believe her.
because i'm the most fucking pig-headed, stubborn, stiff-necked, obtuse, hard-headed, one-eyed, walled, fucked-up, neurotic, demented, paranoid, tortured person on earth. but it's not without its....rewards. :-/ oh well. :-( hey guess what? I'M IN LOVE WITH BOB (F. :-( ) DYLAN!!!!!!!
:-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Just Walkin'
Sep 24, 2016, 1:28:23 PM9/24/16
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On Saturday, September 24, 2016 at 11:33:23 AM UTC-5, Rachel wrote:
>
> i imagined i was giving a lecture to a group of interested parties... on a little bit of my background, and how diseased i was in my literally delusional thinking (and i don't mean about how great it is to be thin), and how to get over/let go/wean yourself off bulimia. all the little *tiny tricks* i learned, that make it bearable. i mean, things that were REALLY surprising to me. i'm not saying i've succeeded yet 100% in eliminating it, but now that the pressure is off, is much easier. i even pretended i was talking to people who would not stand for weight gain as a way of dealing, as well. i still have seriously learned a lot of ways to wean yourself off, things that *REALLY surprised me*, things that i used to think, in my neurosis, that simply weren't true, and really worked, and were *not* hard, it just took a lot of trial and error to learn, omg, this really does work...and i can stand it. although i can remember being told some of these same things by someone else once in an eating disorders program, but i just refused to believe her. but i was just hoping that maybe i would be a more compelling and believable messenger. :-)
>
> anyway
>
> like i said, just fantasising there... ... not really 100% sure ...
So, how's your hyponatremia? Found the cause yet?
>
> i imagined i was giving a lecture to a group of interested parties... on a little bit of my background, and how diseased i was in my literally delusional thinking (and i don't mean about how great it is to be thin), and how to get over/let go/wean yourself off bulimia. all the little *tiny tricks* i learned, that make it bearable. i mean, things that were REALLY surprising to me. i'm not saying i've succeeded yet 100% in eliminating it, but now that the pressure is off, is much easier. i even pretended i was talking to people who would not stand for weight gain as a way of dealing, as well. i still have seriously learned a lot of ways to wean yourself off, things that *REALLY surprised me*, things that i used to think, in my neurosis, that simply weren't true, and really worked, and were *not* hard, it just took a lot of trial and error to learn, omg, this really does work...and i can stand it. although i can remember being told some of these same things by someone else once in an eating disorders program, but i just refused to believe her. but i was just hoping that maybe i would be a more compelling and believable messenger. :-)
>
> anyway
>
> like i said, just fantasising there... ... not really 100% sure ...
Rachel
Sep 24, 2016, 3:25:38 PM9/24/16
to
americans are like that. they latch on to a good thing, and go all crazy, to the maxx.................
like they'll say, and did, "eggs are good for you!!!!!" so people load up and eat 30 eggs a week.
so then they say, "egg yolks are bad for you!!!!!!," and people completely stop eating whole eggs and eat only the the whites for protein, or then not even at all.
the thing is, if you don't have a cholesterol problem, egg yolks are really good for you, IN MODERATION. they are loaded with nutrients and vitamins and minerals (according to my trainer)(who also recommended a juicer, but keith gubitz set me straight on that, and hooked me up with the vita-mixx brand blender). but no more than 7 a week. (unless you have a high cholesterol problem.)
re: hyponatremia: no, i seem to be fine, thanks for asking? :-)?. i've been in for a couple blood tests (or probably even a few more) in the past few years, and he has never called me back and ordered me to go to the hospital.
btw, i would have been a really terrible and unLucky (screwed and injured/damaged/to' up from da flo' up! ;-) ) heroin addict. (not that i wasn't insanely reckless, unlike some people <3 ) :-/// (me: tiny tiny tiny veins, need *butterfly* needles for blood tests) (unless i went *chasing* an absurdly honeyed mellifluous nebulous spine-chilling dragon(*%*)........ ;-) )
Rachel
Nov 2, 2016, 7:57:34 PM11/2/16
to
i miss battered halibut. i haven't had it in so long. i'm going to make it for dinner tonight.
where have you been all my life???? (lol, JUST_KIDDING. :-///)
hey, guess what? i've also been too lazy/slow/i don't know the words, to go to whole foods yet, i have/had other lists for other places, so at tj's, i got THEIR tartar sauce, i couldn't wait. (for whole foods). and i also thought, well, why not, give it a try, you never know...? ??? (but i can already tell you, i like/am impressed/believe in more, the package at whole foods...hmm....? ???)
where have you been all my life???? (lol, JUST_KIDDING. :-///)
hey, guess what? i've also been too lazy/slow/i don't know the words, to go to whole foods yet, i have/had other lists for other places, so at tj's, i got THEIR tartar sauce, i couldn't wait. (for whole foods). and i also thought, well, why not, give it a try, you never know...? ??? (but i can already tell you, i like/am impressed/believe in more, the package at whole foods...hmm....? ???)
Rachel
Nov 2, 2016, 8:33:46 PM11/2/16
to
of course, when i am old, and lose more taste buds, i might like this better. oh wait, what about all that stuff you get like heartburn or worse...
ugh, who knows?
not me! (seriously, i don't. :-( )
Rachel
Nov 5, 2016, 3:42:11 PM11/5/16
to
i just went for a walk, heading out from my corner, and on the first street i crossed, there, something i've never seen before, SPLAT!, flat as a pancake in the middle of the street, was a rat.
now you know.
now you know.
Just Kidding
Nov 5, 2016, 4:17:18 PM11/5/16
to
On Sat, 5 Nov 2016 12:42:09 -0700 (PDT), Rachel <rach...@gmail.com>
wrote:
>i just went for a walk, heading out from my corner, and on the first street i crossed, there, something i've never seen before, SPLAT!, flat as a pancake in the middle of the street, was a rat.
>
>now you know.
>
So you never saw a rat before? Or just one that was flat as a pancake?
Or just one that was flat as a pancake in the middle of the street?
Inquiring minds need to know.
wrote:
>i just went for a walk, heading out from my corner, and on the first street i crossed, there, something i've never seen before, SPLAT!, flat as a pancake in the middle of the street, was a rat.
>
>now you know.
>
Or just one that was flat as a pancake in the middle of the street?
Inquiring minds need to know.
Rachel
Nov 5, 2016, 4:27:36 PM11/5/16
to
i even wondered to myself...i wonder if it's the same rat....? (hopefully, lol)
zippl...@gmail.com
Nov 5, 2016, 5:01:11 PM11/5/16
to
Rachel, they say cats are part of the rat family. Well, we have 2 cats and never allow them to go outside because of
our area. We also have a dog that of course go outside to do it's job. Well anyway, nobody was home but me yesterday,
and as I took the dog off her leash, I was day dreaming just for a few seconds. The next thing I knew was that our male
cat took off to the right and and the dog took off to the left. I spent about 30 minutes just trying to capture the cat, but
to him, it was all a game. I'd get 6 feet away from the cat to capture him, and he was running around like a wild animal
and enjoying every minute of it. After 30 minutes of this cat and mouse game, I got him, and locked him in the bedroom
with the other cat. It took another 30 minutes to drive down the street, and with some help, we captured the dog. What
a day. I don't want to see any flat animals. No thanks.
our area. We also have a dog that of course go outside to do it's job. Well anyway, nobody was home but me yesterday,
and as I took the dog off her leash, I was day dreaming just for a few seconds. The next thing I knew was that our male
cat took off to the right and and the dog took off to the left. I spent about 30 minutes just trying to capture the cat, but
to him, it was all a game. I'd get 6 feet away from the cat to capture him, and he was running around like a wild animal
and enjoying every minute of it. After 30 minutes of this cat and mouse game, I got him, and locked him in the bedroom
with the other cat. It took another 30 minutes to drive down the street, and with some help, we captured the dog. What
a day. I don't want to see any flat animals. No thanks.
Rachel
Nov 5, 2016, 6:01:30 PM11/5/16
to
Rachel
Nov 5, 2016, 7:09:37 PM11/5/16
to
i've never seen a flat rat before.
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