Lyrics to "Halloween" by Heywood Banks

[Wack O Lantern]

Here's a wonderful song that bemoans what an increasingly anti-social
world is doing to Halloween. Please note that nasty things in candy is
just an urban myth-- but it still keeps kids from ToT'ing.

"Halloween" by Heywood Banks (as heard on Dr. Demento)

<organ intro>


Got a bag o' candy- collected Halloween
Biggest bag of candy I had ever seen
Had to have it X-rayed before I had a treat
To be sure a psycho hadn't but a razor in my sweets

Refrain:
Who hear the ghosts and the goblins cry
They get to wishin' for the days gone by
When the little kids were frightened, it is said
Only by the gouls who are dead


Trick or Teatin' at the mall scared the preppies at the GAP
Especially if your costume isn't politically correct
The mall can't give out candy 'cause of a lawsuit that they had
But here's a coupon for a futon in the bottom of your bag

Refrain

<boney xylophone, doorbell, scream>

Refrain

Mommy and daddy follow in the mini-van
Mace and a cellphone in their nervous hands
It's hard to spook the neighbors into givin' up some loot
When you're a ninja in down coat at 4 in the afternoon

Refrain

Refrain

Who hear the ghosts and the goblins cry
They get to wishin' for the days gone by
When the little kids are frightened it, is it saaaaaaid
Only by the ghouls who are dead
Only by the ghouls who are dead
Only by the ghouls who arrrrrrrrrre deeeeeeeeeeead.

<crone laughing>