50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA
Christ Almighty
The BEAST - Buffalo's Best Fiend........www.buffalobeast.com
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The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004
50. Ann Coulter
Crimes: Coulter plummets down the list as she slips into irrelevance. As her
columns degenerate further into absurd, incoherent attacks against her own
personal paranoid fantasy of fanged, drooling, Saddam-loving liberals who hate
America and childish France-bashing, we find our outrage slowly giving way to a
baffled "I can’t believe I used to go out with you" feeling. Her arguments are
ridiculous, her vitriol forced, her hatchet face even harder to look at. Still,
she insulted a one-armed war veteran, called reports of the hundreds of tons of
missing munitions in Iraq false, claimed Wesley Clark was pro-infanticide, and
blamed Abu Ghraib on the presence of women in the armed forces (they’re not all
like you, Ann) and on and on. It’s just not worth debunking someone who has no
credibility in the first place.
Smoking Gun: Has credibility in the minds of more people than we can stomach
acknowledging.
Punishment: Skull crushed with rock.
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49. Clay Aiken
Crimes: Rode to stardom on a racist backlash after his failure to win "American
Idol." Brings false hope to pre-teens that they will meet a nice clean boy who
won’t take advantage of them. Befouls airwaves with his vile dreck, which makes
us long for the days of Sean Cassidy.
Smoking Gun: Was one of two people on this list to do a duet with the rolling
corpse of Bing Crosby for a Christmas special. Put himself in the role of David
Bowie.
Punishment: Hydrochloric acid martini.
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48. Scott McClellan
Crimes: Completely hollow. Able to regurgitate any message programmed into him
without regard to its validity or internal logic. A human void, capable of
sapping the virtue away from the most idealistic reporter within three jokey,
familiar, stonewalling press conferences.
Smoking Gun: Hasn’t killed himself.
Punishment: Locked in a room for eternity with a camera that sprays spitting
cobra venom in his eyes every time he speaks.
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47. 50 Cent
Crimes: Sole credential for being a rapper, aside from his affiliation with Dr.
Dre, is having been shot several times. Spent his first record company advance
on crack to sell. Can barely talk, let alone rap. Represents the worst aspect of
urban culture, its tendency to collapse in on itself in an orgy of mobsterism
and self-destructive spending. Obnoxious tendency to pull out large wads of cash
and wave them around in people’s faces (not a figure of speech).
Smoking Gun: Ugliest rapper to make it since Biggie.
Punishment: Getting his ass kicked by Will Smith.
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46. Colin Quinn
Crimes: Least funny SNL alum since Joe Piscopo (at least Tim Meadows can speak
English). Blamed cancellation of his awful show on reverse racism, ignoring his
pathetic ratings, stumbling speech and the fact that his entire C-list entourage
couldn’t beat Pamela Anderson at Trivial Pursuit.
Smoking Gun: Pontificated at length on the nature of comedy in Seinfeld’s
yawn-fest Comedian.
Punishment: Stash of white supremacist literature and nun-porn discovered in
high profile cocaine bust.
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45. John McCain:
Crimes: Survived years of torture in Vietnam only to become a bend over buddy
for a sheltered rich dunce. McCain could have bolstered his largely unearned air
of credibility this year had he stood against Bush, but instead chose to show us
all that that no principle is too fundamental to humanity to be overlooked in
the name of party loyalty. We can only hope that they’ve got something on him,
something big.
Smoking Gun: Returned to criticizing Bush as soon as it didn’t matter anymore.
Punishment: Vice President under Rumsfeld.
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44. Ellen Degeneres
Crimes: Turns out to be the most boring comedian, gay or straight, since...ever.
Her Seinfeld on Quaaludes routine isn’t just tedious; it’s harrowing...watching
her belabor a gag that wasn’t funny in the first place about opening a jar of
pickles for minutes is enough to make anybody groan. Her cookie cutter talk show
succeeds for the simple reason that, beyond the gay thing, viewers know that
Ellen will always be nice and won’t let any negative information invade their
fragile minds. If Degeneres were a straight man, she’d be getting booed off the
stage at a tiny club in Scranton right about now.
Smoking Gun: Tolerated Anne Heche.
Punishment: Ten years as writer for "Mad TV."
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43. Tony Blankley
Crimes: Editorial page editor for the Washington Times, the Reverend Sun Myung
Moon’s religiofascist newsletter and the Bush Administration’s favorite morning
read. Thinks the UN Oil for Food scandal warrants more attention than a White
House full of war criminals. Had the gall to attack George Soros because "[h]e
said that he has no moral responsibility for the consequences of his financial
actions," when that is clearly a moral loophole embraced by all free market
zealots such as Blankley, and went on to attack him for being "a self-admitted
atheist" and "a Jew who figured out a way to survive the Holocaust." Refers to
Donald Rumsfeld as "brilliant." His paper has lost a billion dollars and sells
one paper for every seven Washington Posts, but is in no jeopardy because of
lavish funding as the psy-ops arm of Moon’s Unification Church.
Smoking Gun: Ended his final column of the year like this: "Americans are
standing upright, their strong arms uplifted against the barbarians." A
shameless, taint-licking propagandist.
Punishment: Very slowly lowered into meat grinder.
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42. Jenna Jameson
Crimes: The first best-selling author who could be sodomized with a well-thrown
baseball since Truman Capote. Her newfound mainstream legitimacy as an icon of
America’s freakish love for porn is directly related to her former incarnation
as the best blowjob of the ‘90s.
Smoking Gun: Now only does scenes with boring phony-lesbos...and her husband.
Real hot.
Punishment: The inevitable attention-vacuum which will envelop her the second
any part of her body begins to sag perceptibly.
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41. Everyone who got together to watch the final episode of "Friends"
Crimes: Allowing a trivial sitcom about living in New York, made for people
who’ve never been anywhere near New York, to become a focal point in their
shallow, meaningless lives. Watching TV together is not a bonding experience; it
is a distancing experience, a way in which people can cohabit a room without
actually having to engage each other or connect personally. Whoever’s ultimately
responsible for the "watch ‘Friends’ or the terrorists win" meme should have a
special room reserved for him in the bad section of hell.
Smoking Gun: You probably liked the whole Niles and Daphne thing on "Frazier,"
too.
Punishment: A full year of plodding BBC Documentaries.
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40. Laura Bush
Crimes: Oh the first lady, what an inspiration she must be to android
researchers everywhere. Smile, nod, smile, (look interested) nod, put on $50,000
dress, suck off the president and there you have a typical day for the first
lady. Corporate yes-wives like her will hasten the coming of mandated burkas for
American women. Actually looks related to George, which might explain their
mongoloid children.
Smoking Gun: She married George Bush.
Punishment: Chugging a gallon of stem cells on Fear Factor.
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39. Tom Cruise
Crimes: Inexplicable stardom. In a just world, Brendan Fraser would get an Oscar
before this carbon copy of every other rich asshole cokehead with a fast car.
Consistently influential in casting women in his movie for the sole purpose of
nailing them. Extremely convincing when he plays an ambitious, superficial
prick.
Smoking Gun: Always plays an ambitious, superficial prick.
Punishment: Caught in the act with Vin Diesel.
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38. Toby Keith
Crimes: The worst kind of proud-to-be-brainwashed dolt, one who feels he should
express himself. The fact that this ambulatory hamburger’s opinions were ever
given public forum is an indictment of our entire civilization and all human
history leading up to this point.
Smoking Gun: Plays country music.
Punishment: Impaled on improperly installed American flag attached to
tractor-trailer, dragged for 12 hours, eaten by wolves.
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37. Halle Berry
Crimes: Chooses projects on the basis of how opportunistic they are in
exploiting her body. Followed her sweaty fuckfest in Tomorrow Never Dies with
the worthless atrocity Catwoman. Her tearful 2002 Oscar acceptance speech for
Monster’s Ball (which also included a fevered humping scene) put her in
competition with Barbara Streisand for the title of most self-important woman in
Hollywood.
Smoking Gun: Every role she takes will be hailed as another milestone in civil
rights history by virtue of her barely discernible smattering of African DNA,
when in reality her success only underscores our nation’s incapacity to accept a
truly black actress.
Punishment: Reduced to skin care infomercial endorsement.
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36. Stephen Moore
Crimes: President of voodoo economics PAC the Club for Growth and frequent
Republican whipping boy on HBO’s "Real Time with Bill Maher," Moore actually
snivels visibly. Follows every evil statement with a pussified "just kidding"
sort of laugh and shriveling "please don’t hurt me" body language. May be the
least original thinker of all supply side policy drones.
Smoking Gun: Missing out on the heart and soul of what’s fun about being
Republican, freedom from self-consciousness and doubt.
Punishment: Smacked to death by Richard Belzer.
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35. Matt Sharp
Crimes: Creator of VH1’s celebration of undeserved wealth and morbid excess,
"The Fabulous Life," the bastard ghetto child of "Lifestyles of the Rich And
Famous," complete with Robin Leach-impersonating voiceovers. His morally
bankrupt show serves as a who’s-who of prime targets for public execution,
entertaining bloated, brand-conscious meatbags with the details of how sinfully
rich celebrities squander their undeserved fortunes. Sharp knows his audience;
you can tell by the hilarious elementary mathematical breakdowns he offers his
viewers at the end of the show when he reveals how much money his subject is
actually worth (Britney could buy 50,000 rare Gorilla-foot handbags and still
have enough left over to occupy Syria!). The celebratory, awed tone with which
his show informs us that Lil’ Kim has crushed $100 bills put into her nail
polish, or that you could feed your family for a year on what J-Lo spends to get
her eyebrows done, makes us wish we could burn such criminals with our minds.
Smoking Gun: Your girlfriend loves this show.
Punishment: Pureed and made into face cream for Lindsay Lohan.
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34. Clarence Thomas
Crimes: On the wrong side of every Supreme Court decision since he got the job
carrying Scalia’s golf clubs.
Smoking Gun: Angry black man routine during Anita Hill hearings was the most
forced overacting this side of Keanu Reeves’ tantrum in Johnny Mnemonic.
Punishment: Led out of the Court in chains after inadvertently casting the
deciding vote to reinstitute slavery.
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32. Lynndie England
Crimes: The ultimate "ugly American," England represents everything people hate
about us----ignorance, perversion, racism, and denial. The most authentic
trailer trash to enter the public spotlight since Anna Nicole, complete with
illegitimate baby by an abusive ex-boyfriend and experience in the meat
processing industry. Described by her no doubt horrific mother as having been
"in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Smoking Gun: The pictures, duh.
Punishment: Gang-raped and devoured alive by all of the hysterical Republican
pundits who defended her.
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31. Al From
Crimes: Founder and CEO of the detestable Democratic Leadership Council, the
lead organization for the "if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em" wing of the
Democratic Party. From’s appeasement strategies have lead directly to tragic
losses in the last three elections. Responsible for the inability of serious
people to fully respect the Democratic Party.
Smoking Gun: Said Dean couldn’t win; backed Joe Lieberman.
Punishment: President Nader.
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30. Jim Lehrer
Crimes: The nauseating host of the "liberal" PBS program "The News Hour" never
hesitates to show his fealty to our business and government overlords. When
independent journalist Christian Parenti appeared on "News Hour" upon his return
from Iraq, he had the temerity to link the instability in Iraq to America’s
failure to implement even half-hearted reconstruction. "There still isn't
adequate electricity...there wasn't adequate water. Where is all the money
that’s going to Halliburton and Bechtel to rebuild this country, where is it
ending up? And I think that is one of the most important, fundamental causes of
instability, the corruption around the contracting with these Bush-connected
firms in Iraq". Two days later, the spineless Leher apologized to his viewers
for Parenti’s informed, reasonable opinion, telling us the "discussion about
Iraq ended up not being as balanced as is our standard practice. While
unintentional, it was indeed our mistake and we regret it." Balanced. There’s
that word again. Leher has never apologized for any of the lunatic horseshit
coming out of administration apologists on a daily basis.
Smoking Gun: His services as the sycophantic moderator of presidential debates
in 2000 and 2004 wherein he may as well have been blowing kisses at the
candidates, serve to legitimize the weak, non-combative debate format the two
parties cooked up.
Punishment: Embedded with the 3rd Marine Battalion in Fallujah, where
liberal-hating grunts will use him as sniper bait.
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29. Michael Savage
Crimes: Will say anything to get attention, and then say the opposite for the
same reason. Thinks revealing his inner xenophobe makes him some kind of rock
star. Learned everything he knows about world politics from Archie Bunker. Said
this: "When you hear ‘human rights,’ think gays. When you hear ‘human rights,’
think only one thing: someone who wants to rape your son. And you'll get it just
right. OK, you got it, right? When you hear ‘human rights,’ think only someone
who wants to molest your son, and send you to jail if you defend him."
Smoking Gun: Real name is Michael Weiner.
Punishment: Ass-raped to death.
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28. Ben Affleck
Crimes: His uncanny ability to produce an unending stream of shitty movies and
still get work rivals that of even Kevin Costner. Has coasted for years on a
reputation built largely on a former association with Matt Damon, but has done
nothing to justify his star status aside from boning Jennifer Lopez. Gigli was
the cinematic equivalent of the Madrid bombings.
Smoking Gun: CGI scenes in Daredevil were more lifelike than his oafish live
action.
Punishment: Reunited with J-Lo.
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27. Bob Novak
Crimes: Beats even Scott McClellan as Bush’s most unholy mouthpiece. Virulently
protecting the Bush administration in order to further his own career. Novak
didn’t think twice when instructed to reveal the identity of CIA agent Valerie
Plame in order to get back at her critical husband, Joe Wilson, yet he now
claims it would be morally wrong to reveal the treasonous White House leaker.
Indirectly caused the incarceration of Judith Miller of the New York Times, who
should be in jail on totally separate charges involving her poorly researched
WMD hysterics leading up to the war in Iraq.
Smoking Gun: Still insists the Swift Boat Veterans ads and their libelicious
spin-off book, Unfit for Command, was "well-documented" and didn’t contain any
lies.
Punishment: Heart harvested in preparation for Dick Cheney’s presidential bid.
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26. Terry McAuliffe
Crimes: Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. Said, "This is the best
election night in history" on November 2, 2004, just before 8pm EST. Not only
presided over the pathetic Kerry defeat, but held the same position in the 2000
fiasco. A driving force in the Republicanization of Democrats, he personally saw
to it that the charismatic Dean campaign was crushed to make way for Kerrybot.
Doesn’t understand that winning is not necessarily about copying what winners
do, but more often not doing what losers do.
Punishment: Hillary Clinton as a cellmate for life.
Smoking Gun: Said the party will spend "whatever it takes" to study complaints
from Ohio voters that included uncounted votes, long lines, shortages of
ballots, understaffed polling stations and voting machine errors. Still
studying, apparently.
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25. Dr. Phil
Crimes: Not a doctor. Not wise. Offers troubled souls nothing but the sweet
feeling of surrendering control. Only reason for prominence is that Oprah just
couldn’t support her show by herself anymore. Offers troubled simpletons
meaningless slogans that resonate for a maximum of five days before they realize
they already knew that shit and they still can’t stop whatever compulsive
behavior got them onto his show in the first place. Is almost certainly
regularly involved in some unspeakable depravity that he can’t stop and which
caused him to fabricate his public persona in a frantic attempt to convince us
he’s normal.
Smoking Gun: Both presidential candidates were forced to submit to his pedantic
bullshit in some bizarre new soft focus emasculation ritual to get slack-jawed
housewives to vote for them.
Punishment: A lifetime of guest spots on Springer.
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24. Ronald Reagan
Crimes: The greatest monster in recent American history. Reagan’s excruciating
sanctification during his agonizingly protracted funeral was enough to make
anyone with knowledge of his true legacy blow up a radio tower. Newspaper
columnists performed astonishing feats of selective memory in canonizing Reagan,
disregarding any inconvenient evidence of supporting terrorism, ripping off
taxpayers for outrageous defense programs, or introducing crack cocaine to
America, because we need our heroes.
Smoking Gun: Responsible for telemarketing and infomercials.
Punishment: Reanimated and killed again.
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23. Jerry Bruckheimer
Crimes: "Producer" really just means "guy with the money" in Hollywood. Master
of the incoherent action sequence, full of unnecessary cuts and jittery
close-ups. His rapidly multiplying CBS cop show empire is replete with
ridiculously beautiful cops and scientists (and murderers and victims and
witnesses) and impossibly stylish interiors. The "CSI" franchise perfectly
fulfills the viewing needs of a fat, lazy nation: no running, no car chases,
just sitting around, talking, and playing with gadgets. The real crimes,
however, are the movies, including Kangaroo Jack, Coyote Ugly, Bad Boys, Bad
Boys 2, Days of Thunder, Gone in 60 Seconds, and the so-stupid-it’s-funny
Armageddon. Imagine what else could have been done with that money.
Smoking Gun: Who brings a fucking Gatling gun to an asteroid?
Punishment: Made into shoes for Martin Scorsese.
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22. Michael Jackson
Crimes: Surgically transforming himself into a ghastly artificial creature, and
then forcing himself on little boys. His ability to remain at large and to find
parents still willing to let their kids sleep over at Jackson’s elaborate child
trap both indicate a failure of our species as a whole.
Smoking Gun: "Jesus juice?"
Punishment: Forced to record and release new single as part of plea agreement,
"Don’t Let Your Son Go Down on Me."
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21. Alan Colmes
Crimes: An angry conservative’s wet dream: an effete liberal dive artist. As a
professional doormat, Colmes’ only tasks are to serve as a comforting aggregate
of Republican stereotypes about Democrats and a target for the seething derision
of his psychotic guests. Stands idly by while voracious green-blooded co-host
utilizes Gestapo tactics against centrist Democrats.
Smoking Gun: His cringe-inducing new book reads like a crappy internet parody
("I'm proud to be a liberal. In my spare time I hug trees. I'd rather hug a tree
than embrace a tax cut. Ever try to hug a tax rebate check? Bark burn is so much
more pleasant than paper cuts.")
Punishment: Suffocated under a naked, sweaty Rush Limbaugh.
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20. Anna Nicole Smith
Crimes: Continues to find ways to damage the fabric of society with her very
presence. In 2004 she rapidly transformed from a washed up, sedated blimp to a
washed up, sedated hooker, thanks to some pill-marketing scam brought to us by a
paralyzed FDA and a hard drug addiction. Has grown more incoherent with every
lost pound, to the point that she is like some tawdry copy of a pre-death
Marylyn Monroe without any Arthur Miller to suppress her. Lost her money, but
still worships at the altar of attention...any kind of attention, at any cost.
Smoking Gun: Volleyball-sized breast implants just aren’t attractive.
Punishment: Electrocuted at climax by Bill Clinton’s pacemaker.
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19. Zell Miller
Crimes: Part Yosemite Sam and Part Foghorn Leghorn. Miller doesn’t make the list
for his salivating, traitorous keynote speech at the Republican National
Convention, or even the duel thing with Chris Matthews. He makes the list
because he really does represent Southern Democrats. Miller was chief of staff
for diehard racist Georgia Governor Lester Maddox, who used to own a restaurant
where he’d hand out pick handles to his customers to beat any black people that
might try to come in. The Democratic party really isn’t the party he once
knew....thank God.
Smoking Gun: Won’t switch parties, just to be a pain in the ass.
Punishment: Death by torrential barrage of spitballs while watching his
granddaughter make out with Big Pun.
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18. Mel Gibson
Crimes: As with any religious nut, expects people to take his delusional
bullshit seriously. Is obsessed with pain and suffering, as can be observed in
the numerous Hulk Hogan style "now I’m really mad" scenes in nearly all of his
movies, in which he endures medically impossible levels of bodily punishment
before rising to vanquish his cartoonish foes. This is such a routine motif in
Gibson’s work that we half expected Jesus to jump off the cross and start
kicking Jewish ass in The Passion of the Christ. More historically revisionist
than Oliver Stone.
Smoking Gun: Shot about 11 times in the climax of Lethal Weapon II, yet still
saunters off with his partner as the credits roll, apparently not in need of
medical attention.
Punishment: Neurodegenerative illness that could have been cured through stem
cell research.
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17. Armstrong Williams
Crimes: Williams was going to make the list anyway, but shoots up several
positions since he admitted to accepting $240,000 from the Department of
Education to promote the No Child Left Behind Act. His sole defense so far is
that he used "bad judgment," as if that was some kind of excuse, rather than the
heart and soul of every crime. Says he is just the tip of the iceberg.
Smoking Gun: Claimed to a prospective job applicant that 70% of gay couples
molest their children.
Punishment: Full Birth Abortion.
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16. Nicole Ritchie
Crimes: Wasting space in our minds. Not being pretty, talented or interesting,
yet expecting people beyond her family to pay attention to her. Further
indoctrinating teenage girls with the poisonous idea that if they just act like
obnoxious, spoiled bitches they will somehow never have to work.
Smoking Gun: Made 27 on Maxim’s Hot 100 for standing next to national disgrace
Paris Hilton for a year.
Punishment: 10-page pictorial in Stuff sans airbrushing, and no Oxycontin for a
whole week.
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15. Condoleezza Rice
Crimes: The phrase "politics is show business for ugly people" has never had so
fine a foil. Smirks condescendingly at senior Senators when they ask her silly
questions about gross negligence in the area of national security. Winner of the
Beast award for most likely to make Grover Norquist’s dick hard. Promoted for
feverishly licking Cheney’s boot for four years.
Smoking Gun: Gets to sleep in the big house now.
Punishment: thrown into the arctic from the Exxon oil tanker that used to bear
her name.
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14. Tom Delay
Crimes: The worst Congressman alive. Being the most corrupt member of the House
is a hell of an achievement. Delay is so brazen even lobbyists have expressed
reservations. Compares the pathetic, castrated EPA to the Gestapo. A
self-obsessed misanthrope in the guise of a Christian.
Smoking Gun: According to Danny Yatom, former head of Israel’s feared Mossad:
"The Likud is nothing compared to this guy."
Punishment: Outed by Barney Frank.
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13. Joan Rivers
Crimes: The most ghastly face science has managed to create without the use of
chemical weapons. As a pioneer in facial reconstruction, she shows us that, in
the future, every famous woman will gradually turn into a cross between a sickly
geisha and the Joker. The red carpet fashion-cop shtick she does with her
broken, spiritless daughter is such an obvious inferiority complex manifestation
we almost feel sorry for them, until we remember they’re making millions of
dollars for it.
Smoking Gun: The sheer, ugly self-hatred of a woman with that face, that voice,
and that personality nitpicking Nicole Kidman.
Punishment: Face falls off into wet cement at Mann’s Chinese Theatre.
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12. Paul Wolfowitz
Crimes: The mastermind behind our war plan in Iraq, also known as "Operation
Fucking Disaster." Wanted to skip Afghanistan altogether and get right on with
the intractable quagmire phase of his anti-terror plan. So far up Israel’s ass
he can taste the kugel.
Smoking Gun: That disgusting thing he did with his comb in Fahrenheit 9/11.
Punishment: A successful populist democracy in Iraq.
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11. Dan Rather
Crimes: Along with Cronkite’s so-bonkers-it-might-be-true comment that Karl Rove
must be behind Osama bin Laden’s timely October video release, has given the
rabid right enough fuel to maintain their bogus "liberal media" charge for
years.
Smoking Gun: Made Peter Jennings the most credible anchor in the business.
Punishment: Life sentence as the liberal whipping boy on "Hardball with Chris
Matthews."
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10. John Negroponte
Crimes: US Pro Consul (a title that was given to de facto rulers of dependencies
or occupied countries in colonial times) of Iraq. Garnered his reputation as
professional thug with his assignment as ambassador to Honduras by Ronald Reagan
in 1981. Collaborated with the Honduran military while lying to Congress as they
kidnapped, tortured and killed hundreds of people, including US missionaries.
Was responsible for implementing the Reagan administration covert strategy to
crush the Sandinista government in Nicaragua, resulting in it becoming 2nd to
Haiti as poorest country in the western hemisphere but with the special
distinction of having the largest disparity between rich and poor. Appears to be
carrying out the same plan in Iraq, as recent disclosures about the Pentagon's
plans to utilize death squads to achieve our kind of democracy indicate.
Smoking Gun: As Iraqi occupation grew bleaker from the start of 2004 a new
tactic was employed, assassinating intellectuals opposed to the occupation. A
senior commander working for the American-installed Iraqi police said "They are
politicians that are backed by the Americans and who arrived to Iraq from exile
with a list of their enemies. I've seen these lists. They are killing people one
by one." Sounds like a job for Negroponte; he went from appointment to
confirmation in a blistering eight days.
Punishment: Being skinned alive would be a nice start.
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9. Jessica Simpson
Crimes: The gleaming flagship of the triumphant return of bimboism. The
aesthetic equivalent of vitamin D milk. Makes Britney Spears look like a Rhodes
scholar. Managed to crap out a hit single by removing every remotely innovative
element from Berlin’s "Take My Breath Away."
Smoking Gun: Probably likes her own music.
Punishment: Strapped to bunker-buster.
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8. John Ashcroft
Crimes: Promoting sexual shame, writing and singing alarmingly jingoistic and
terrible songs, flattening constitutional protections, detaining brown people at
will without charges or counsel, pretending to be a patriot, and intentionally
ignoring terrorism in his pre-9/11 tenure.
Smoking Gun: Put a fucking curtain up to cover a naked breast on a statue. A
statue.
Punishment: Only heterosexual judge on the supreme court in 2035.
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7. Donald Trump
Crimes: Hopelessly addicted to narcissism. Shares Saddam Hussein’s compulsion to
have gaudy structures named after himself. Is to dignified wealth what Michael
Jackson is to competent childcare.
Smoking Gun: The hair alone justifies violence.
Punishment: Forced to expose his tiny penis before crowds of laughing
celebrities on "Who Wants to See Donald Trump’s Penis?"
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6. George W. Bush
Crimes: Too numerous to mention. The worst piece of shit ever to run this
country, including King George III; when’s the last time a president made half
his country want to move to Canada? Lays claim to the legacy of Jesus Christ as
he hungrily sucks what little life-essence is left from the world. Appears to be
only dimly aware that he is destroying the future, but seems to think it’s kind
of funny.
Smoking Gun: Too numerous to mention.
Punishment: To have his fortune stolen from him by Cheney, Rumsfeld, Perle and
Wolfowitz, and be denied Medicaid.
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5. John Kerry
Crimes: Managed to lose to the most hated president in American history by
virtue of his total inability to convincingly portray himself as a human being.
Didn’t even have the balls to show up during the Ohio election challenge in the
Senate. So thoroughly vetted that he appears inhuman, incapable of speaking
without repeating the same hackneyed phrases incessantly and gesticulating like
a poorly operated marionette. Cursing his daughters with his frightening
profile.
Smoking Gun: Actually did vote for the $87 billion before he voted against it.
Punishment: Quality time with wife and kids.
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4. Dick Cheney
Crimes: So loathsome his own party is frightened of him. Manages to deliver
stunning lies with an air of sneering authority. Shamelessly employs scare
tactics in order to strip the federal government of any resemblance to the one
described in the constitution. So visibly evil that all of the documented
evidence against him is superfluous. The kind of guy who starts talking
cannibalism the minute he steps on the lifeboat.
Smoking Gun: Managed to make his own shame at producing gay offspring into a
negative for Kerry.
Punishment: Hacked to death by Mexican migrant workers.
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3. You
Crimes: You gaze idly at the carnage around you, sigh, and go calmly back to
your coffee and your People magazine. You can’t stop buying useless crap, though
you’re drowning in a deepening pool of debt. You think you’re an activist
because you bitch all day on the internet, but you reelect the same gangsters at
a 99% rate. You consider yourself informed because you waste a significant
portion of your life watching the same three news stories cycle over and over
again on your gargantuan, aerodynamic television set while you eat processed
food. You really thought everything would be okay if Kerry won. Not only do you
believe in an invisible man who magically farted out the universe, you also
excoriate and marginalize those who disagree. You have a poorer understanding of
your country’s foreign policy history than a third world peasant, but you can’t
wait to see what Julia Roberts will be wearing at the Oscars. You cheer as
Ukrainians challenge an election based on exit poll data, but keep waiting
around for someone else to fix your problems. You can’t think, you can’t
organize and you won’t act. This is all your fault.
Smoking Gun: You’re fat.
Punishment: You’re soaking in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Donald Rumsfeld
Crimes: At least Herman Goering knew how to conquer people. Rummy is the richest
person in the white house, a former auto and pharmaceutical CEO and the one who
nurtured Dick Cheney’s career. So rife with corruption and fascist desire he
makes dirt look clean. Carries himself in press conferences like a cranky
grandfather who is sick of hearing his daughters whine about how he molested
them every now and then.
Smoking Gun: Abu Ghraib.
Punishment: Abu Ghraib.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Kenneth Blackwell
Crimes: The greasy, rancid piece of crap who delivered Ohio for Bush by any
means necessary, and then bragged about it in a recent fundraising letter. A
black man who has no reservations about screwing over his own people in his lust
for power and money. Blackwell is the kind of soulless traitor without whose
complicity no nefarious evil plot ever goes down. In step with the future of
global elections.
Smoking Gun: Phony recounts, media lockouts, intentional misallocation of voting
machines, you name it.
Just Punishment: Dissolved in barrel of acid.
David Sanderson
> http://www.peterhansen.com/beast-034.htm
>
> The BEAST - Buffalo's Best Fiend........www.buffalobeast.com
>
> ____________________________________________________
>
> The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004
>
Modest folks, these interlopers on the newsgroup are....
lofg...@maroon.tc.umn.edu
Long-winded, though. I was glad to see I finally made it on some list
or other, even though I was kinda disappointed that I only made it to
#3 in loathsomeness, even though I ranked higher than a whole lot of
people I've never heard of before. Maybe I should discontinue taking
showers --
Lyle
Paul G. Wenthold
I vote for pretty high up, myself...
paul
Steve Grant
news:cu0ecg$o6f$1...@mailhub227.itcs.purdue.edu...
> Where do people who troll a bunch of unrelated newsgroups fit on this
list?
>
> I vote for pretty high up, myself...
For a troll, it was pretty funny. I confess to having read the entire
thing.
Joe McC
"Steve Grant" <ACE...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:xc6dnaTGKP4...@comcast.com...
Same here......oops, my politics are showing!!
John Doe
Christ Almighty <bes...@truth.com> wrote:
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>From: Christ Almighty <bes...@truth.com>
>From: Christ Almighty <besweet @truth.com>
>Newsgroups: alt.bible,rec.sport.baseball,rec.music.country.western,rec.music.country.old-time,rec.arts.movies.current-films,rec.arts.movies.past-films
>Subject: 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA
>Date: Fri, 04 Feb 2005 10:42:47 -0600
>Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com
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>
>http://www.peterhansen.com/beast-034.htm
>
>The BEAST - Buffalo's Best Fiend........www.buffalobeast.com
>
>____________________________________________________
>
>The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004
>
>
>50. Ann Coulter
>
>Crimes: Coulter plummets down the list as she slips into irrelevance. As her
>columns degenerate further into absurd, incoherent attacks against her own
>personal paranoid fantasy of fanged, drooling, Saddam-loving liberals who hate
>America and childish France-bashing, we find our outrage slowly giving way to a
>baffled "I canƒ Tt believe I used to go out with you" feeling. Her arguments are
>ridiculous, her vitriol forced, her hatchet face even harder to look at. Still,
>she insulted a one-armed war veteran, called reports of the hundreds of tons of
>missing munitions in Iraq false, claimed Wesley Clark was pro-infanticide, and
>blamed Abu Ghraib on the presence of women in the armed forces (theyƒ Tre not all
>like you, Ann) and on and on. Itƒ Ts just not worth debunking someone who has no
>credibility in the first place.
>
>Smoking Gun: Has credibility in the minds of more people than we can stomach
>acknowledging.
>
>Punishment: Skull crushed with rock.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>49. Clay Aiken
>
>Crimes: Rode to stardom on a racist backlash after his failure to win "American
>Idol." Brings false hope to pre-teens that they will meet a nice clean boy who
>wonƒ Tt take advantage of them. Befouls airwaves with his vile dreck, which makes
>us long for the days of Sean Cassidy.
>
>Smoking Gun: Was one of two people on this list to do a duet with the rolling
>corpse of Bing Crosby for a Christmas special. Put himself in the role of David
>Bowie.
>
>Punishment: Hydrochloric acid martini.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>48. Scott McClellan
>
>Crimes: Completely hollow. Able to regurgitate any message programmed into him
>without regard to its validity or internal logic. A human void, capable of
>sapping the virtue away from the most idealistic reporter within three jokey,
>familiar, stonewalling press conferences.
>
>Smoking Gun: Hasnƒ Tt killed himself.
>
>Punishment: Locked in a room for eternity with a camera that sprays spitting
>cobra venom in his eyes every time he speaks.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>47. 50 Cent
>
>Crimes: Sole credential for being a rapper, aside from his affiliation with Dr.
>Dre, is having been shot several times. Spent his first record company advance
>on crack to sell. Can barely talk, let alone rap. Represents the worst aspect of
>urban culture, its tendency to collapse in on itself in an orgy of mobsterism
>and self-destructive spending. Obnoxious tendency to pull out large wads of cash
>and wave them around in peopleƒ Ts faces (not a figure of speech).
>
>Smoking Gun: Ugliest rapper to make it since Biggie.
>
>Punishment: Getting his ass kicked by Will Smith.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>46. Colin Quinn
>
>Crimes: Least funny SNL alum since Joe Piscopo (at least Tim Meadows can speak
>English). Blamed cancellation of his awful show on reverse racism, ignoring his
>pathetic ratings, stumbling speech and the fact that his entire C-list entourage
>couldnƒ Tt beat Pamela Anderson at Trivial Pursuit.
>
>Smoking Gun: Pontificated at length on the nature of comedy in Seinfeldƒ Ts
>yawn-fest Comedian.
>
>Punishment: Stash of white supremacist literature and nun-porn discovered in
>high profile cocaine bust.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>45. John McCain:
>
>Crimes: Survived years of torture in Vietnam only to become a bend over buddy
>for a sheltered rich dunce. McCain could have bolstered his largely unearned air
>of credibility this year had he stood against Bush, but instead chose to show us
>all that that no principle is too fundamental to humanity to be overlooked in
>the name of party loyalty. We can only hope that theyƒ Tve got something on him,
>something big.
>
>Smoking Gun: Returned to criticizing Bush as soon as it didnƒ Tt matter anymore.
>
>Punishment: Vice President under Rumsfeld.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>44. Ellen Degeneres
>
>Crimes: Turns out to be the most boring comedian, gay or straight, since...ever.
>Her Seinfeld on Quaaludes routine isnƒ Tt just tedious; itƒ Ts harrowing...watching
>her belabor a gag that wasnƒ Tt funny in the first place about opening a jar of
>pickles for minutes is enough to make anybody groan. Her cookie cutter talk show
>succeeds for the simple reason that, beyond the gay thing, viewers know that
>Ellen will always be nice and wonƒ Tt let any negative information invade their
>fragile minds. If Degeneres were a straight man, sheƒ Td be getting booed off the
>stage at a tiny club in Scranton right about now.
>
>Smoking Gun: Tolerated Anne Heche.
>
>Punishment: Ten years as writer for "Mad TV."
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>43. Tony Blankley
>
>Crimes: Editorial page editor for the Washington Times, the Reverend Sun Myung
>Moonƒ Ts religiofascist newsletter and the Bush Administrationƒ Ts favorite morning
>read. Thinks the UN Oil for Food scandal warrants more attention than a White
>House full of war criminals. Had the gall to attack George Soros because "[h]e
>said that he has no moral responsibility for the consequences of his financial
>actions," when that is clearly a moral loophole embraced by all free market
>zealots such as Blankley, and went on to attack him for being "a self-admitted
>atheist" and "a Jew who figured out a way to survive the Holocaust." Refers to
>Donald Rumsfeld as "brilliant." His paper has lost a billion dollars and sells
>one paper for every seven Washington Posts, but is in no jeopardy because of
>lavish funding as the psy-ops arm of Moonƒ Ts Unification Church.
>
>Smoking Gun: Ended his final column of the year like this: "Americans are
>standing upright, their strong arms uplifted against the barbarians." A
>shameless, taint-licking propagandist.
>
>Punishment: Very slowly lowered into meat grinder.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>42. Jenna Jameson
>
>Crimes: The first best-selling author who could be sodomized with a well-thrown
>baseball since Truman Capote. Her newfound mainstream legitimacy as an icon of
>Americaƒ Ts freakish love for porn is directly related to her former incarnation
>as the best blowjob of the ƒ ~90s.
>
>Smoking Gun: Now only does scenes with boring phony-lesbos...and her husband.
>Real hot.
>
>Punishment: The inevitable attention-vacuum which will envelop her the second
>any part of her body begins to sag perceptibly.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>41. Everyone who got together to watch the final episode of "Friends"
>Crimes: Allowing a trivial sitcom about living in New York, made for people
>whoƒ Tve never been anywhere near New York, to become a focal point in their
>shallow, meaningless lives. Watching TV together is not a bonding experience; it
>is a distancing experience, a way in which people can cohabit a room without
>actually having to engage each other or connect personally. Whoeverƒ Ts ultimately
>responsible for the "watch ƒ ~Friendsƒ T or the terrorists win" meme should have a
>express himself. The fact that this ambulatory hamburgerƒ Ts opinions were ever
>given public forum is an indictment of our entire civilization and all human
>history leading up to this point.
>
>Smoking Gun: Plays country music.
>
>Punishment: Impaled on improperly installed American flag attached to
>tractor-trailer, dragged for 12 hours, eaten by wolves.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>37. Halle Berry
>
>Crimes: Chooses projects on the basis of how opportunistic they are in
>exploiting her body. Followed her sweaty fuckfest in Tomorrow Never Dies with
>the worthless atrocity Catwoman. Her tearful 2002 Oscar acceptance speech for
>Monsterƒ Ts Ball (which also included a fevered humping scene) put her in
>competition with Barbara Streisand for the title of most self-important woman in
>Hollywood.
>
>Smoking Gun: Every role she takes will be hailed as another milestone in civil
>rights history by virtue of her barely discernible smattering of African DNA,
>when in reality her success only underscores our nationƒ Ts incapacity to accept a
>truly black actress.
>
>Punishment: Reduced to skin care infomercial endorsement.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>36. Stephen Moore
>
>Crimes: President of voodoo economics PAC the Club for Growth and frequent
>Republican whipping boy on HBOƒ Ts "Real Time with Bill Maher," Moore actually
>snivels visibly. Follows every evil statement with a pussified "just kidding"
>sort of laugh and shriveling "please donƒ Tt hurt me" body language. May be the
>least original thinker of all supply side policy drones.
>
>Smoking Gun: Missing out on the heart and soul of whatƒ Ts fun about being
>Republican, freedom from self-consciousness and doubt.
>
>Punishment: Smacked to death by Richard Belzer.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>35. Matt Sharp
>
>Crimes: Creator of VH1ƒ Ts celebration of undeserved wealth and morbid excess,
>"The Fabulous Life," the bastard ghetto child of "Lifestyles of the Rich And
>Famous," complete with Robin Leach-impersonating voiceovers. His morally
>bankrupt show serves as a whoƒ Ts-who of prime targets for public execution,
>entertaining bloated, brand-conscious meatbags with the details of how sinfully
>rich celebrities squander their undeserved fortunes. Sharp knows his audience;
>you can tell by the hilarious elementary mathematical breakdowns he offers his
>viewers at the end of the show when he reveals how much money his subject is
>actually worth (Britney could buy 50,000 rare Gorilla-foot handbags and still
>have enough left over to occupy Syria!). The celebratory, awed tone with which
>his show informs us that Lilƒ T Kim has crushed $100 bills put into her nail
>polish, or that you could feed your family for a year on what J-Lo spends to get
>her eyebrows done, makes us wish we could burn such criminals with our minds.
>
>Smoking Gun: Your girlfriend loves this show.
>
>Punishment: Pureed and made into face cream for Lindsay Lohan.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>34. Clarence Thomas
>
>Crimes: On the wrong side of every Supreme Court decision since he got the job
>carrying Scaliaƒ Ts golf clubs.
>
>Smoking Gun: Angry black man routine during Anita Hill hearings was the most
>forced overacting this side of Keanu Reevesƒ T tantrum in Johnny Mnemonic.
>
>Punishment: Led out of the Court in chains after inadvertently casting the
>deciding vote to reinstitute slavery.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>32. Lynndie England
>
>Crimes: The ultimate "ugly American," England represents everything people hate
>about us----ignorance, perversion, racism, and denial. The most authentic
>trailer trash to enter the public spotlight since Anna Nicole, complete with
>illegitimate baby by an abusive ex-boyfriend and experience in the meat
>processing industry. Described by her no doubt horrific mother as having been
>"in the wrong place at the wrong time."
>
>Smoking Gun: The pictures, duh.
>
>Punishment: Gang-raped and devoured alive by all of the hysterical Republican
>pundits who defended her.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>31. Al From
>
>Crimes: Founder and CEO of the detestable Democratic Leadership Council, the
>lead organization for the "if you canƒ Tt beat ƒ ~em, join ƒ ~em" wing of the
>Democratic Party. Fromƒ Ts appeasement strategies have lead directly to tragic
>losses in the last three elections. Responsible for the inability of serious
>people to fully respect the Democratic Party.
>
>Smoking Gun: Said Dean couldnƒ Tt win; backed Joe Lieberman.
>
>Punishment: President Nader.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>30. Jim Lehrer
>
>Crimes: The nauseating host of the "liberal" PBS program "The News Hour" never
>hesitates to show his fealty to our business and government overlords. When
>independent journalist Christian Parenti appeared on "News Hour" upon his return
>from Iraq, he had the temerity to link the instability in Iraq to Americaƒ Ts
>failure to implement even half-hearted reconstruction. "There still isn't
>adequate electricity...there wasn't adequate water. Where is all the money
>thatƒ Ts going to Halliburton and Bechtel to rebuild this country, where is it
>ending up? And I think that is one of the most important, fundamental causes of
>instability, the corruption around the contracting with these Bush-connected
>firms in Iraq". Two days later, the spineless Leher apologized to his viewers
>for Parentiƒ Ts informed, reasonable opinion, telling us the "discussion about
>Iraq ended up not being as balanced as is our standard practice. While
>unintentional, it was indeed our mistake and we regret it." Balanced. Thereƒ Ts
>that word again. Leher has never apologized for any of the lunatic horseshit
>coming out of administration apologists on a daily basis.
>
>Smoking Gun: His services as the sycophantic moderator of presidential debates
>in 2000 and 2004 wherein he may as well have been blowing kisses at the
>candidates, serve to legitimize the weak, non-combative debate format the two
>parties cooked up.
>
>Punishment: Embedded with the 3rd Marine Battalion in Fallujah, where
>liberal-hating grunts will use him as sniper bait.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>29. Michael Savage
>
>Crimes: Will say anything to get attention, and then say the opposite for the
>same reason. Thinks revealing his inner xenophobe makes him some kind of rock
>star. Learned everything he knows about world politics from Archie Bunker. Said
>this: "When you hear ƒ ~human rights,ƒ T think gays. When you hear ƒ ~human rights,ƒ T
>think only one thing: someone who wants to rape your son. And you'll get it just
>right. OK, you got it, right? When you hear ƒ ~human rights,ƒ T think only someone
>who wants to molest your son, and send you to jail if you defend him."
>
>Smoking Gun: Real name is Michael Weiner.
>
>Punishment: Ass-raped to death.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>28. Ben Affleck
>
>Crimes: His uncanny ability to produce an unending stream of shitty movies and
>still get work rivals that of even Kevin Costner. Has coasted for years on a
>reputation built largely on a former association with Matt Damon, but has done
>nothing to justify his star status aside from boning Jennifer Lopez. Gigli was
>the cinematic equivalent of the Madrid bombings.
>
>Smoking Gun: CGI scenes in Daredevil were more lifelike than his oafish live
>action.
>
>Punishment: Reunited with J-Lo.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>27. Bob Novak
>
>Crimes: Beats even Scott McClellan as Bushƒ Ts most unholy mouthpiece. Virulently
>protecting the Bush administration in order to further his own career. Novak
>didnƒ Tt think twice when instructed to reveal the identity of CIA agent Valerie
>Plame in order to get back at her critical husband, Joe Wilson, yet he now
>claims it would be morally wrong to reveal the treasonous White House leaker.
>Indirectly caused the incarceration of Judith Miller of the New York Times, who
>should be in jail on totally separate charges involving her poorly researched
>WMD hysterics leading up to the war in Iraq.
>
>Smoking Gun: Still insists the Swift Boat Veterans ads and their libelicious
>spin-off book, Unfit for Command, was "well-documented" and didnƒ Tt contain any
>lies.
>
>Punishment: Heart harvested in preparation for Dick Cheneyƒ Ts presidential bid.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>26. Terry McAuliffe
>
>Crimes: Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. Said, "This is the best
>election night in history" on November 2, 2004, just before 8pm EST. Not only
>presided over the pathetic Kerry defeat, but held the same position in the 2000
>fiasco. A driving force in the Republicanization of Democrats, he personally saw
>to it that the charismatic Dean campaign was crushed to make way for Kerrybot.
>Doesnƒ Tt understand that winning is not necessarily about copying what winners
>do, but more often not doing what losers do.
>
>Punishment: Hillary Clinton as a cellmate for life.
>
>Smoking Gun: Said the party will spend "whatever it takes" to study complaints
>from Ohio voters that included uncounted votes, long lines, shortages of
>ballots, understaffed polling stations and voting machine errors. Still
>studying, apparently.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>25. Dr. Phil
>
>Crimes: Not a doctor. Not wise. Offers troubled souls nothing but the sweet
>feeling of surrendering control. Only reason for prominence is that Oprah just
>couldnƒ Tt support her show by herself anymore. Offers troubled simpletons
>meaningless slogans that resonate for a maximum of five days before they realize
>they already knew that shit and they still canƒ Tt stop whatever compulsive
>behavior got them onto his show in the first place. Is almost certainly
>regularly involved in some unspeakable depravity that he canƒ Tt stop and which
>caused him to fabricate his public persona in a frantic attempt to convince us
>heƒ Ts normal.
>
>Smoking Gun: Both presidential candidates were forced to submit to his pedantic
>bullshit in some bizarre new soft focus emasculation ritual to get slack-jawed
>housewives to vote for them.
>
>Punishment: A lifetime of guest spots on Springer.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>24. Ronald Reagan
>
>Crimes: The greatest monster in recent American history. Reaganƒ Ts excruciating
>sanctification during his agonizingly protracted funeral was enough to make
>anyone with knowledge of his true legacy blow up a radio tower. Newspaper
>columnists performed astonishing feats of selective memory in canonizing Reagan,
>disregarding any inconvenient evidence of supporting terrorism, ripping off
>taxpayers for outrageous defense programs, or introducing crack cocaine to
>America, because we need our heroes.
>
>Smoking Gun: Responsible for telemarketing and infomercials.
>
>Punishment: Reanimated and killed again.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>23. Jerry Bruckheimer
>
>Crimes: "Producer" really just means "guy with the money" in Hollywood. Master
>of the incoherent action sequence, full of unnecessary cuts and jittery
>close-ups. His rapidly multiplying CBS cop show empire is replete with
>ridiculously beautiful cops and scientists (and murderers and victims and
>witnesses) and impossibly stylish interiors. The "CSI" franchise perfectly
>fulfills the viewing needs of a fat, lazy nation: no running, no car chases,
>just sitting around, talking, and playing with gadgets. The real crimes,
>however, are the movies, including Kangaroo Jack, Coyote Ugly, Bad Boys, Bad
>Boys 2, Days of Thunder, Gone in 60 Seconds, and the so-stupid-itƒ Ts-funny
>Armageddon. Imagine what else could have been done with that money.
>
>Smoking Gun: Who brings a fucking Gatling gun to an asteroid?
>
>Punishment: Made into shoes for Martin Scorsese.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>22. Michael Jackson
>
>Crimes: Surgically transforming himself into a ghastly artificial creature, and
>then forcing himself on little boys. His ability to remain at large and to find
>parents still willing to let their kids sleep over at Jacksonƒ Ts elaborate child
>trap both indicate a failure of our species as a whole.
>
>Smoking Gun: "Jesus juice?"
>
>Punishment: Forced to record and release new single as part of plea agreement,
>"Donƒ Tt Let Your Son Go Down on Me."
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>21. Alan Colmes
>
>Crimes: An angry conservativeƒ Ts wet dream: an effete liberal dive artist. As a
>professional doormat, Colmesƒ T only tasks are to serve as a comforting aggregate
>of Republican stereotypes about Democrats and a target for the seething derision
>of his psychotic guests. Stands idly by while voracious green-blooded co-host
>utilizes Gestapo tactics against centrist Democrats.
>
>Smoking Gun: His cringe-inducing new book reads like a crappy internet parody
>("I'm proud to be a liberal. In my spare time I hug trees. I'd rather hug a tree
>than embrace a tax cut. Ever try to hug a tax rebate check? Bark burn is so much
>more pleasant than paper cuts.")
>
>Punishment: Suffocated under a naked, sweaty Rush Limbaugh.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>20. Anna Nicole Smith
>
>Crimes: Continues to find ways to damage the fabric of society with her very
>presence. In 2004 she rapidly transformed from a washed up, sedated blimp to a
>washed up, sedated hooker, thanks to some pill-marketing scam brought to us by a
>paralyzed FDA and a hard drug addiction. Has grown more incoherent with every
>lost pound, to the point that she is like some tawdry copy of a pre-death
>Marylyn Monroe without any Arthur Miller to suppress her. Lost her money, but
>still worships at the altar of attention...any kind of attention, at any cost.
>
>Smoking Gun: Volleyball-sized breast implants just arenƒ Tt attractive.
>
>Punishment: Electrocuted at climax by Bill Clintonƒ Ts pacemaker.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>19. Zell Miller
>
>Crimes: Part Yosemite Sam and Part Foghorn Leghorn. Miller doesnƒ Tt make the list
>for his salivating, traitorous keynote speech at the Republican National
>Convention, or even the duel thing with Chris Matthews. He makes the list
>because he really does represent Southern Democrats. Miller was chief of staff
>for diehard racist Georgia Governor Lester Maddox, who used to own a restaurant
>where heƒ Td hand out pick handles to his customers to beat any black people that
>might try to come in. The Democratic party really isnƒ Tt the party he once
>knew....thank God.
>
>Smoking Gun: Wonƒ Tt switch parties, just to be a pain in the ass.
>
>Punishment: Death by torrential barrage of spitballs while watching his
>granddaughter make out with Big Pun.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>18. Mel Gibson
>Crimes: As with any religious nut, expects people to take his delusional
>bullshit seriously. Is obsessed with pain and suffering, as can be observed in
>the numerous Hulk Hogan style "now Iƒ Tm really mad" scenes in nearly all of his
>movies, in which he endures medically impossible levels of bodily punishment
>before rising to vanquish his cartoonish foes. This is such a routine motif in
>Gibsonƒ Ts work that we half expected Jesus to jump off the cross and start
>kicking Jewish ass in The Passion of the Christ. More historically revisionist
>than Oliver Stone.
>
>Smoking Gun: Shot about 11 times in the climax of Lethal Weapon II, yet still
>saunters off with his partner as the credits roll, apparently not in need of
>medical attention.
>
>Punishment: Neurodegenerative illness that could have been cured through stem
>cell research.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>17. Armstrong Williams
>
>Crimes: Williams was going to make the list anyway, but shoots up several
>positions since he admitted to accepting $240,000 from the Department of
>Education to promote the No Child Left Behind Act. His sole defense so far is
>that he used "bad judgment," as if that was some kind of excuse, rather than the
>heart and soul of every crime. Says he is just the tip of the iceberg.
>
>Smoking Gun: Claimed to a prospective job applicant that 70% of gay couples
>molest their children.
>
>Punishment: Full Birth Abortion.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>16. Nicole Ritchie
>
>Crimes: Wasting space in our minds. Not being pretty, talented or interesting,
>yet expecting people beyond her family to pay attention to her. Further
>indoctrinating teenage girls with the poisonous idea that if they just act like
>obnoxious, spoiled bitches they will somehow never have to work.
>
>Smoking Gun: Made 27 on Maximƒ Ts Hot 100 for standing next to national disgrace
>Paris Hilton for a year.
>
>Punishment: 10-page pictorial in Stuff sans airbrushing, and no Oxycontin for a
>whole week.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>15. Condoleezza Rice
>
>Crimes: The phrase "politics is show business for ugly people" has never had so
>fine a foil. Smirks condescendingly at senior Senators when they ask her silly
>questions about gross negligence in the area of national security. Winner of the
>Beast award for most likely to make Grover Norquistƒ Ts dick hard. Promoted for
>feverishly licking Cheneyƒ Ts boot for four years.
>
>Smoking Gun: Gets to sleep in the big house now.
>
>Punishment: thrown into the arctic from the Exxon oil tanker that used to bear
>her name.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>14. Tom Delay
>
>Crimes: The worst Congressman alive. Being the most corrupt member of the House
>is a hell of an achievement. Delay is so brazen even lobbyists have expressed
>reservations. Compares the pathetic, castrated EPA to the Gestapo. A
>self-obsessed misanthrope in the guise of a Christian.
>
>Smoking Gun: According to Danny Yatom, former head of Israelƒ Ts feared Mossad:
>"The Likud is nothing compared to this guy."
>
>Punishment: Outed by Barney Frank.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>13. Joan Rivers
>
>Crimes: The most ghastly face science has managed to create without the use of
>chemical weapons. As a pioneer in facial reconstruction, she shows us that, in
>the future, every famous woman will gradually turn into a cross between a sickly
>geisha and the Joker. The red carpet fashion-cop shtick she does with her
>broken, spiritless daughter is such an obvious inferiority complex manifestation
>we almost feel sorry for them, until we remember theyƒ Tre making millions of
>dollars for it.
>
>Smoking Gun: The sheer, ugly self-hatred of a woman with that face, that voice,
>and that personality nitpicking Nicole Kidman.
>
>Punishment: Face falls off into wet cement at Mannƒ Ts Chinese Theatre.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>12. Paul Wolfowitz
>
>Crimes: The mastermind behind our war plan in Iraq, also known as "Operation
>Fucking Disaster." Wanted to skip Afghanistan altogether and get right on with
>the intractable quagmire phase of his anti-terror plan. So far up Israelƒ Ts ass
>he can taste the kugel.
>
>Smoking Gun: That disgusting thing he did with his comb in Fahrenheit 9/11.
>
>Punishment: A successful populist democracy in Iraq.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>11. Dan Rather
>
>Crimes: Along with Cronkiteƒ Ts so-bonkers-it-might-be-true comment that Karl Rove
>must be behind Osama bin Ladenƒ Ts timely October video release, has given the
>element from Berlinƒ Ts "Take My Breath Away."
>
>Smoking Gun: Probably likes her own music.
>
>Punishment: Strapped to bunker-buster.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>8. John Ashcroft
>
>Crimes: Promoting sexual shame, writing and singing alarmingly jingoistic and
>terrible songs, flattening constitutional protections, detaining brown people at
>will without charges or counsel, pretending to be a patriot, and intentionally
>ignoring terrorism in his pre-9/11 tenure.
>
>Smoking Gun: Put a fucking curtain up to cover a naked breast on a statue. A
>statue.
>
>Punishment: Only heterosexual judge on the supreme court in 2035.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>7. Donald Trump
>
>Crimes: Hopelessly addicted to narcissism. Shares Saddam Husseinƒ Ts compulsion to
>have gaudy structures named after himself. Is to dignified wealth what Michael
>Jackson is to competent childcare.
>
>Smoking Gun: The hair alone justifies violence.
>
>Punishment: Forced to expose his tiny penis before crowds of laughing
>celebrities on "Who Wants to See Donald Trumpƒ Ts Penis?"
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>6. George W. Bush
>
>Crimes: Too numerous to mention. The worst piece of shit ever to run this
>country, including King George III; whenƒ Ts the last time a president made half
>his country want to move to Canada? Lays claim to the legacy of Jesus Christ as
>he hungrily sucks what little life-essence is left from the world. Appears to be
>only dimly aware that he is destroying the future, but seems to think itƒ Ts kind
>of funny.
>
>Smoking Gun: Too numerous to mention.
>
>Punishment: To have his fortune stolen from him by Cheney, Rumsfeld, Perle and
>Wolfowitz, and be denied Medicaid.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>5. John Kerry
>
>Crimes: Managed to lose to the most hated president in American history by
>virtue of his total inability to convincingly portray himself as a human being.
>Didnƒ Tt even have the balls to show up during the Ohio election challenge in the
>Senate. So thoroughly vetted that he appears inhuman, incapable of speaking
>without repeating the same hackneyed phrases incessantly and gesticulating like
>a poorly operated marionette. Cursing his daughters with his frightening
>profile.
>
>Smoking Gun: Actually did vote for the $87 billion before he voted against it.
>
>Punishment: Quality time with wife and kids.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>4. Dick Cheney
>
>Crimes: So loathsome his own party is frightened of him. Manages to deliver
>stunning lies with an air of sneering authority. Shamelessly employs scare
>tactics in order to strip the federal government of any resemblance to the one
>described in the constitution. So visibly evil that all of the documented
>evidence against him is superfluous. The kind of guy who starts talking
>cannibalism the minute he steps on the lifeboat.
>
>Smoking Gun: Managed to make his own shame at producing gay offspring into a
>negative for Kerry.
>
>Punishment: Hacked to death by Mexican migrant workers.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>3. You
>
>Crimes: You gaze idly at the carnage around you, sigh, and go calmly back to
>your coffee and your People magazine. You canƒ Tt stop buying useless crap, though
>youƒ Tre drowning in a deepening pool of debt. You think youƒ Tre an activist
>because you bitch all day on the internet, but you reelect the same gangsters at
>a 99% rate. You consider yourself informed because you waste a significant
>portion of your life watching the same three news stories cycle over and over
>again on your gargantuan, aerodynamic television set while you eat processed
>food. You really thought everything would be okay if Kerry won. Not only do you
>believe in an invisible man who magically farted out the universe, you also
>excoriate and marginalize those who disagree. You have a poorer understanding of
>your countryƒ Ts foreign policy history than a third world peasant, but you canƒ Tt
>wait to see what Julia Roberts will be wearing at the Oscars. You cheer as
>Ukrainians challenge an election based on exit poll data, but keep waiting
>around for someone else to fix your problems. You canƒ Tt think, you canƒ Tt
>organize and you wonƒ Tt act. This is all your fault.
>
>Smoking Gun: Youƒ Tre fat.
>
>Punishment: Youƒ Tre soaking in it.
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>2. Donald Rumsfeld
>
>Crimes: At least Herman Goering knew how to conquer people. Rummy is the richest
>person in the white house, a former auto and pharmaceutical CEO and the one who
>nurtured Dick Cheneyƒ Ts career. So rife with corruption and fascist desire he
Madi Holmes
"John Doe" <jd...@usenet.is.the.real.thing.com> wrote in message
news:Xns95F3A0F788...@151.164.30.44...
> A troll cross posting off-topic spam.
>
An idiot top posting and then REposting the entire post. Nice one.
MadiHolmes
RichA
(isn't it funny how Blue state Americans always deride celebrity
by CLING to it like it's oxygen?) the person concentrates mostly only
Republicans while Democratic legions of Hell are mostly ignored.
Probably written by a Blue State Jew.
-Rich
The Martins
bubbles.
Bill
Joel Shimberg
>Probably written by a Blue State Jew.
One of them pro-semites we hear about?
David Sanderson
Gotta watch your step. Mix all them Red and Blue States together and
you get a State of Lavender, and everybody knows what that means....
Eric
Rev. Billy Bob Buck
"Christ Almighty" <bes...@truth.com> wrote in message
news:ZKIDQofOcsE6dL...@4ax.com...
> http://www.peterhansen.com/beast-034.htm
The Buck does stop with each and every...
Speaking of... be sure to get this one:
http://www.mixposure.com/song.php?songid=1572
right click on download link at page, save target as.
John Doe
MadiHolmes @aolblows.com
Message-ID: <36iccdF50j0vrU1 @individual.net>
"Madi Holmes" <MadiH...@aolblows.com> wrote:
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>From: "Madi Holmes" <MadiH...@aolblows.com>
>Newsgroups: alt.bible,rec.sport.baseball,rec.music.country.western,rec.music.country.old-time,rec.arts.movies.current-films,rec.arts.movies.past-films
>Subject: Re: 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA
>Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2005 16:47:38 -0600
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--
United States and British intelligence agencies admittedly break the law while spying on each other. United States and British governments claim to energetically share that gathered information.
JPM III
Carlson? Puff Daddy? Hillary Clinton? Jennifer Lopez?
This list leaves out a lot of obviously loathsome people and includes some
that really aren't that bad, plus it skips #33.
> The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004
>
> 50. Ann Coulter
> 49. Clay Aiken
> 48. Scott McClellan
> 47. 50 Cent
> 46. Colin Quinn
> 45. John McCain:
> 44. Ellen Degeneres
> 43. Tony Blankley
> 42. Jenna Jameson
> 41. Everyone who got together to watch the final episode of "Friends"
> 40. Laura Bush
> 39. Tom Cruise
> 38. Toby Keith
> 37. Halle Berry
> 36. Stephen Moore
> 35. Matt Sharp
> 34. Clarence Thomas
> 32. Lynndie England
> 31. Al From
> 30. Jim Lehrer
> 29. Michael Savage
> 28. Ben Affleck
> 27. Bob Novak
> 26. Terry McAuliffe
> 25. Dr. Phil
> 24. Ronald Reagan
> 23. Jerry Bruckheimer
> 22. Michael Jackson
> 21. Alan Colmes
> 20. Anna Nicole Smith
> 19. Zell Miller
> 18. Mel Gibson
> 17. Armstrong Williams
> 16. Nicole Ritchie
> 15. Condoleezza Rice
> 14. Tom Delay
> 13. Joan Rivers
> 12. Paul Wolfowitz
> 11. Dan Rather
> 10. John Negroponte
> 9. Jessica Simpson
> 8. John Ashcroft
> 7. Donald Trump
> 6. George W. Bush
> 5. John Kerry
> 4. Dick Cheney
> 3. You
> 2. Donald Rumsfeld
> 1. Kenneth Blackwell
JPM III
>
> Of course aside from the expected anti-celebrity diatribes,
> (isn't it funny how Blue state Americans always deride celebrity
> by CLING to it like it's oxygen?) the person concentrates mostly only
> Republicans while Democratic legions of Hell are mostly ignored.
> Probably written by a Blue State Jew.
> -Rich
Putting John Kerry as more loathsome than George W. Bush kinda flies in the
face of that theory, does it? And the guy left off Sean Hannity and the
entire Fox News network for crying out loud. Obviously he's at least a
little reasonable.
David "Gus" Garelick
>
> This list leaves out a lot of obviously loathsome people and includes some
> that really aren't that bad, plus it skips #33.
>
How about Rush Limbaugh? And how come Dr. Phil made the list, but Dr.
Laura did not? I think she is far more loathsome.
Only two musicians: Toby Keith and Michael Jackson. Michael has some
loathsome qualities, but why Toby Keith? Surely, there must be more
loathsome musicians around. I can't stand Lee Greenwood and his "God
Bless the USA," but that's just me.
GUS GARELICK
Benji Lumell
This list is not complete without Stanley Rosenthal's name on it.
Bob Tiernan
> Putting John Kerry as more loathsome than George W. Bush
> kinda flies in the face of that theory, does it?
Well, not really. I never could stand the kind of
"Hey look at me I'm a filthy rich (optional serial
gigolo) who's really a regular guy like you".
Bush never had it in him to act even a little like
a spoilt rich kid who doesn't know how to wash dishes.
Anything else he comes across as is hardly loathsome
to me. Anyway, another jerk is Al Gore, whose
contacts with the common man while growing up occured
when his parents called room service at the post
hotel they lived in (grew up on a farm my ass).
Bob t
Old Time Harold
and jury that started this list.
--
Old Time Harold
Delete NOSPAM from my email address to mail back to me.
Thanks
"Bob Tiernan" <zulu.pac...@shell1.pacifier.net> wrote in message
news:Pine.GSO.4.58MAILDI...@shell1.pacifier.net...
Pope Pie (Sy Lehrman)
"Old Time Harold" <oldtimefor...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:kvqdnYlK7ua...@comcast.com...
> Actually, I vote that there are 51. He/she being the self-proclaimed judge
> and jury that started this list.
>