Admit It! It Sucks! Part 1: Jazz
Roland Ramjist
It! It Sucks! Part 1: Jazz"? It's a whining yet semi-scathing review of
why Jazz is so lame. For the amusement value, I'd recommend checking it out.
I'll give you a taste:
With one or two exceptions - Coltrane, Miles - jazz is an art form that has
always been dominated by fat old men in sunglasses and ridiculous suits
playing songs with names like "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat" and "Epistrophy." And
talk about role models: The most famous jazz musician of them all was a
tubby old trumpet player who ended up singing "Hello, Dolly!" with Streisand
while wiping his forehead with a soggy hankerchief like some lard-butt umpire
at Wrigley Field on Nickel Beer Night. The second-most famous jazz musician
was a self-anointed duke who wrote ghastly songs like "Satin Doll." The
third-most-famous jazz musician was an emaciated junkie who used to play with
his back to the audience and occasionally sprayed the folks in the front row
while spitting into his instrument. The list of deadbeats goes on and on.
Stan Getz? Junkie. Chet Baker? Junkie. Charlie Parker? Junkie. Oscar
Peterson? Fat, old, boring ivory-tinkler.
Well!!!! Isn't that just special! This article was posted without regard to
copyright. And, so as to avoid any flameage pointed in my direction, I will
continue the previous thread by saying that my favourite Monk disk is "Pure
Monk", which I was unable to find on CD, but was able to dig it up out of a
used record shop for $8.50 Canadian (about $6 USD). For a two-record set,
not a bad price, eh?
NJoy
EWS
"Leave no turn unstoned."
Thomas Ford Brown
In article <CIv4v...@ecf.toronto.edu> rol...@ecf.toronto.edu (Roland Ramjist) writes:
>Have any of you seen the article in Spy Magazine Jan 1994, entitled "Admit
>It! It Sucks! Part 1: Jazz"? It's a whining yet semi-scathing review of
>why Jazz is so lame. For the amusement value, I'd recommend checking it out.
>
>I'll give you a taste:
>
>With one or two exceptions - Coltrane, Miles - jazz is an art form that has
>always been dominated by fat old men in sunglasses and ridiculous suits
>playing songs with names like "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat" and "Epistrophy." And
>talk about role models: The most famous jazz musician of them all was a
>tubby old trumpet player who ended up singing "Hello, Dolly!" with Streisand
>while wiping his forehead with a soggy hankerchief like some lard-butt umpire
>at Wrigley Field on Nickel Beer Night. The second-most famous jazz musician
>was a self-anointed duke who wrote ghastly songs like "Satin Doll." The
>third-most-famous jazz musician was an emaciated junkie who used to play with
>his back to the audience and occasionally sprayed the folks in the front row
>while spitting into his instrument. The list of deadbeats goes on and on.
>Stan Getz? Junkie. Chet Baker? Junkie. Charlie Parker? Junkie. Oscar
>Peterson? Fat, old, boring ivory-tinkler.
>
"Admit It, It Sucks: Part 2--Why Spy Magazine is So Lame!"
Written by pimply Harvard boys who substitute arch icon-bashing
for a sex life. The most famous writer at Spy was...er, I'm
trying to think of one....
Well, at least they're getting a bit more ambitious. Time was when
they only took on easy targets like LA or Donald Trump.
Next month--"Admit It, It Sucks: Part 3--Why Mother Theresa is a Ho"
David G Rhoades
thought it was funny. Yes it was stupid, yes it was uninformed, yes I
am a jazz musician and he was talking about my heroes. But for some reason
it struck me funny.
Victor Eijkhout
Ditto, and it wasn't too uninformed.
Quotes like
``[...] halfway through his set Wynton would announce that he's going
to do a medley of such classics as "stella by starlight", "girl from
Ipanema" and "a tisket a tasket". [...] the band has just finished a
two-hour rendition of "april in paris" after inviting a bunch of
"special guests" up onto the stage. [...] the bass player takes 20
minutes to get through his solo on "autumn leaves", [...] you'd still
have to suffer through the drummer's 12-minutes cowbell solo on
"'round about midnight" and the clarinetists' 19-minutes solo on "my
funny valentine" '' (typos and editorializaing mine)
are 200% exaggerated, but admit it, there is a large grain of truth
in them.
I found it funny.
--
Victor Eijkhout ................ `When the coughing increases, I leave out the
Department of Computer Science ...... next variation. If there is no coughing,
University of Tennessee ............... I play them in order. [...] The record
Knoxville TN 37996 .................... so far is 18 variations, in New York.'
+1 615 974 8298 .................. [Rachmaninoff on his 20 Corelli Variations]
Marc Sabatella
> In article <dgrCIx...@netcom.com> d...@netcom.com (David G Rhoades) writes:
> I read that and my roommates were totally offended, for some reason I
> thought it was funny. Yes it was stupid, yes it was uninformed, yes I
> am a jazz musician and he was talking about my heroes. But for some reason
> it struck me funny.
> Ditto, and it wasn't too uninformed.
That's my impression as well, based on the quotes posted. In fact, it seems so
un-uninformed and scathing in the way only an insider could really be that I
wonder if it was perhaps *meant* as a joke?
--
Marc Sabatella
ma...@fc.sde.hp.com
--
All opinions expressed herein are my personal ones
and do not necessarily reflect those of HP or anyone else.
Leonard A Benardo
>
>That's my impression as well, based on the quotes posted. In fact, it seems so
>un-uninformed and scathing in the way only an insider could really be that I
>wonder if it was perhaps *meant* as a joke?
here here. thanks to marc sabatella for recognizing a wee bit of
ole fashioned humour. it's so bloody rare to come by these days.
Thomas Ford Brown
In article <CJ2qt...@fc.hp.com> ma...@sde.hp.com writes:
>Victor Eijkhout wrote:
>
>> In article <dgrCIx...@netcom.com> d...@netcom.com (David G Rhoades) writes:
>
>> I read that and my roommates were totally offended, for some reason I
>> thought it was funny. Yes it was stupid, yes it was uninformed, yes I
>> am a jazz musician and he was talking about my heroes. But for some reason
>> it struck me funny.
>
>> Ditto, and it wasn't too uninformed.
>
>That's my impression as well, based on the quotes posted. In fact, it seems so
>un-uninformed and scathing in the way only an insider could really be that I
>wonder if it was perhaps *meant* as a joke?
>
I don't think a "well-informed insider" would have
posed "A Tisket, A Tasket" as an overworked standard.
Vincent E. Kargatis
> In article <CJ2qt...@fc.hp.com> ma...@sde.hp.com writes:
> >That's my impression as well, based on the quotes posted. In fact, it seems
> >wonder if it was perhaps *meant* as a joke?
>
> I don't think a "well-informed insider" would have
> posed "A Tisket, A Tasket" as an overworked standard.
My god, people, this is SPY Magazine!! The whole magazine is a joke
(literally). Sarcasm, hilarious half-fictions, and scathing
psuedo-critiques are its bread and butter. I can hardly believe that
anybody is arguing about accuracy or legitimacy of anything in SPY. It
doesn't even matter whether the guy is a well-informed insider or not,
really - they just want to be funny and obnoxious.
--
| Vincent Kargatis | Dept. of Space Physics & Astronomy |
| v...@spacsun.rice.edu | Rice University, Houston, TX |
| [Christ's] birthday mighta been the time to be on the beach at Galilee, |
| watching him turn water into beer" - Brave Combo, "Christmas In July" |
Marc Sabatella
> I don't think a "well-informed insider" would have
> posed "A Tisket, A Tasket" as an overworked standard.
Did he? The posted quote called it a "classic", which, I would argue, it is,
based on Ella Fitzgerald's famous recording(s?) of it.
Of course, we could beg the definition of "classic", but I don't see any
inherent contradiction in the way I perceived it to have been used: "popular
song with which everyone is already familiar".
I could of course be wrong, and the guy might really hate jazz. But he sure
seems to spend a lot of time around it.
Vincent E. Kargatis
it is hilarious! Highly recommended for anyone who can even take the
smallest joke. Choice quotes:
"Jazz sucks."
"If it.s not Sonny Sharrock and Sonny Stitt honoring the late, great Sun Ra
at the Knitting Factory, it's Donald Byrd honoring Charlie Byrd at
Birdland. Nameswise, jazz is, like, Elmersville."
"And [rock stars] never, ever call themselves things like Michael Stipe and
the Rock Messengers."
"How about all that Claude Bolling jazz-meets-classical horseshit?"
Silly, crass, and funny.
--
| Vincent Kargatis | "By the way, I hate your dog, |
| Dept. of Space Physics & Astronomy | and I think jazz is STUPID!" |
| Rice University, Houston, TX | - to Steve Martin's character |
| [v...@spacsun.rice.edu] | in ALL OF ME |
Thomas Ford Brown
>"How about all that Claude Bolling jazz-meets-classical horseshit?"
>
Hey pal, Claude Bolling is right up there
with Andre Previn and don't you forget it.
DALES...@delphi.com
Lee Cohen
D>Newsgroup: rec.music.bluenote
D>From: DALES...@delphi.com
D>Subject: Re: Admit It! It Sucks! Part 1: Jazz
D>Organization: Delphi Internet
D>gee, the next thing you know SPY will say it doesn't like Kenny G
Or they'll lampoon William Shatner's classic version of ROUND MIDNIGHT!
=*<<----------<<Lee....@ggcs.org>>---------->>*=
---
* CmpQwk 1.31 #439 * How long do you study at Juilliard to play on your back?
Marc Sabatella
> Well, I finally got a hold of a copy - It's the Dec-Jan issue, p.16. And
> it is hilarious! Highly recommended for anyone who can even take the
> smallest joke.
I also grabbed a copy this weekend. Not only would you have to be a jazz fan
to have written the article, but you'd have to be one to *understand* it, with
all the the name dropping.
Parts of it were kind of lame, I thought, but most of it was witty in a way
you'd expect from a magazine like Spy.
--
Marc Sabatella
ma...@sde.hp.com