Mechanics Definitions
Glenn Mayor
I got this in an email and thought I would share with you guys.
Glenn
>Mechanics Definitions
>
>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
>is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not
>far from the object we are trying to hit.
>
>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
>well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
>
>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
>their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for
>drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just
>above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
>
>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
>motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
>dismal your future becomes.
>
>VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
>available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
>the palm of your hand.
>
>OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale
>garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket
>drawer (What wife would think to look in _there_?) because you can
>never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from
>the PX at Fort Campbell.
>
>ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetylene torch.
>
>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems
>from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
>
>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
>flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
>chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the
>Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
>
>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
>under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
>whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you
>to say, "Django Reinhardt".
>
>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after
>you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs,
>trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
>
>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
>hydraulic jack.
>
>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>
>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another
>hydraulic floor jack.
>
>SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
>spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
>
>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes
>and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>
>TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease
>buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
>
>TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
>strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have
>forgotten to disconnect.
>
>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
>that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the
>end without the handle.
>
>BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric
>acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining
>that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
>
>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>
>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
>drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin",
>which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits
>aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the
>same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the
>first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than
>light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>
>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
>paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
>as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
>
>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
>coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
>compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
>wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago
>by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
>
Michael D. Findlay
Glenn Mayor wrote in article <33dceea5...@snews.zippo.com>...
>I got this in an email and thought I would share with you guys.
>
Thanks, Glenn. That was highlarious! I'll be passing it along, unless
that is a violation of some copyright law. I that case I'll just tell
everybody I give it to that I wrote it. ;)
Passing Lappers
Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
they are used for.
Passing Lappers:
'97' YZ 125
MX Tuner
>I got this in an email and thought I would share with you guys.
I am indebted to you! This made my week!!
I laughed until I couldn't see to read the rest of it.
MX Tuner
DJones7454
In article <5rjg99$7...@camel3.mindspring.com>, mxt...@atl.mindspring.com
(MX Tuner) writes:
If any of you have saved the original post could
you either repost the entire list or email it to me.
I deleted it and now I can't get it back. Dejanews
seems to be down.
Thanks
David
Jason French
>Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
>they are used for.
Tools are Dirt bike related, have you never used them on your bike ?
--
Jason French
DirtCrashr
>Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
>they are used for.
>
>
> '97' YZ 125
Is this invasion of the WebTv brain-dead onto the Internet as bad as the
Great AOL Migration? I apologize for AOl.
DirtNewby - xr400r
Kenneth Murphy
Passing Lappers (YAMA...@webtv.net) wrote:
: Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
: they are used for.
Luke? Luke... you in there?
FWIW, chill.
: Passing Lappers:
I'm sure.
--
O aka Ken Murphy (kmur...@ford.com) Owner/Operator: 94YZ250
<M>erfMan Supported by: Jen, Erin, Acerbis, DNA Racing, Boyesen, Twin Air,
_/ \_ FMF, Sprocket Specialists, and Slavens Racing
Disclaimer: Don't even pretend you thought I spoke for the Ford Motor Company
Glenn Mayor
YAMA...@webtv.net (Passing Lappers) wrote:
>Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
>they are used for.
>
>
> Passing Lappers:
> '97' YZ 125
"WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles,"
See, It is motorcycle related!!! Now turn your WebTV back to
Nickelodeon where it belongs.
Glenn
Gary M
On Tue, 29 Jul 1997 17:11:00 GMT, gma...@erols.com (Glenn Mayor)
wrote:
What is it with the 125 guys an their attitudes? Tired of being blown
off the track perhaps? Pesky little buggers are always getting in the
way. :-)
Gary M
CRE500
Las Vegas
Passing Lappers
I totally appologise for the very rude and moronic comment made about
this topic one of my buddies showed up all drunk last night and put the
stuppid comment on there without me knowing. it wasn't me honest I'm
sorry.
TAYLBON
>Gary M
>CRE500
>Las Vegas
what does the CRE mean in CRE500, 250 etc.?
TAYLBON
(97 CR 250)
(96 CR 250)
MX Tuner
>Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
>they are used for.
Web TV strikes again!!
MX Tuner
Dredwolf
In article <5rjq45$qfv$1...@newsd-121.bryant.webtv.net>, YAMA...@webtv.net
(Passing Lappers) writes:
>Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
>they are used for.
>
>
Coming soon to a newsgroup near you....Anarchy II: Dunnigan's
Revenge !.....The above makes me miss Norm.....sigh....
Dredwolf
John W. Peeler aka Dredwolf
Two Harleys(Pass the OilDri...)
1996 KinqQuad (It'll go where you won't..)
1997 XR400R (WAHOOO....*THUMP* oww,groan,whimper)
Glenn Mayor
YAMA...@webtv.net (Passing Lappers) wrote:
Apology accepted. I went back and looked at your other posts for the
last couple weeks and they all looked legit, not like the other
invasions we had in the group where you could see the pattern forming.
Glenn
DirtCrashr
>Coming soon to a newsgroup near you....Anarchy II: Dunnigan's
>Revenge !.....The above makes me miss Norm.....sigh....
>Dredwolf
I kinda miss him too...where is our Stormin' Norman now?...where have all
the Anarchy Cowboys gone...? (Back to school?)
keith - xr400r
MX Tuner
>what does the CRE mean in CRE500, 250 etc.?
CREnduro
MX Tuner
Cam Mitchell
>What is it with the 125 guys an their attitudes? Tired of being blown
>off the track perhaps? Pesky little buggers are always getting in the
>way. :-)
I know what you mean.. I got a few of them wrapped around my spokes
last week! I see them falling left and right behind me out of the
corner of my eye as fist-sized roost clods go tearing at them at the
speed of sound..
>Gary M
>CRE500
>Las Vegas
--
/-------------------------------------\
| cmit...@uniserve.com |
>-------------------v-----------------<
| 94 Kawasaki KX500 | 96 GT Tequesta |
>-------------------^-----------------<
| http://users.uniserve.com/~cmitchel |
\-------------------------------------/
Scott Aldrich
DirtCrashr wrote:
>
> >Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
> >they are used for.
> >
> >
> > '97' YZ 125
>
> Great AOL Migration? I apologize for AOl.
>
> DirtNewby - xr400r
I hope so :-)
It was starting to bet boring in here until the AOL gang showed up. I
think a lot of good people got connected at that point (that's putting
it mildly). Sure, there was the need for a little training and
netiquette, but once we got past that, it's been great to have people
added.
Welcome WebTV people.
--
"Anarchy means having to put up with things that really piss you off."
-- Unknown
Doug O'Neill
Hysterical! Thanks. This could get me in tight with the mechanics down at
the local Yamaha shop.
Dougo
Gary M
On 30 Jul 1997 03:33:21 GMT, tay...@aol.com (TAYLBON) wrote:
>>Gary M
>>CRE500
>>Las Vegas
>
>what does the CRE mean in CRE500, 250 etc.?
>TAYLBON
>(97 CR 250)
>(96 CR 250)
It's a rather involved story from a nearly a year ago. Something
about Marzocchi forks, Ohlins shock, ProTapers, and all the usual
stuff. It's really more of a CRE?500, but it's mine and I love it.
At least when it's not killing me. :-)
Gary M
Las Vegas
Dennis Kennedy
Gary M (gary....@MCI2000.com) wrote:
: It's a rather involved story from a nearly a year ago. Something
: about Marzocchi forks, Ohlins shock, ProTapers, and all the usual
: stuff. It's really more of a CRE?500, but it's mine and I love it.
: At least when it's not killing me. :-)
: Gary M
: Las Vegas
Marzocchi forks? Ohlins shock? Kind of sounds like a KTM imitation ;).
--
Dennis Kennedy
ken...@roguewave.com
'96 KTM 360 EX/C
Dirtboy
mxt...@atl.mindspring.com (MX Tuner) wrote:
>>what does the CRE mean in CRE500, 250 etc.?
>CREnduro
CRExtra two thousand dollars. =8^o
--
Tim - dir...@voicenet.com
Ray Crenshaw
> : Talk about dirt bikes you moron. we all know how tools work and what
> : they are used for.
Someone posted this on a list I subscribe to, thought you fuys might enjoy
it...
Ray in SC (USA)
********************************************************
This is from a Peter Egan article, probably R&T, but possibly Cycle
World a few years ago.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive bike parts not
far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on boxes containing seat covers and canvas panniers.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for
drilling mounting holes in the metalwork just above the wiring
harness.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale
garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket
drawer (What wife would think to look in _there_?) because you can
never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got
from the PX at Fort Campbell.
ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetylene torch.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British bikes
they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from the
sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it
takes
you to say "Django Reinhardt".
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a bike upright
off a failed centre stand.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour Chris to see if he has
Another tyre lever.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes
and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating crud
buildup on crankshaft pinions.
HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
strength of cable harnesses & and control cables you may have
forgotten to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the
end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric
acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining
that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin",
which is not otherwise found under bikess at night. Health benefits
aside, its main purpose is to consume 25-watt light bulbs at about
the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the
first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than
light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your SST T-shirt; can also
be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
compressed air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact
wrench that grips rusty engine bolts last tightened 40 years ago
by someone in Small Heath or Hammamatsu, and rounds them off.
BOSCO1114
Electric