Juggling Jokes
Colin E.
For the past year I have been asking for people to send juggling
related jokes in order to register Virtual Juggler. So far I have
recieved 94 replies, with approximately half containing jokes. It will
probably come as no surprise that the 'police man and knife juggler'
joke and the many lightblub jokes featured quite frequently at six
counts each. Here's what's left over:
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler!
Juggler: "I think someone's out to get me"
Friend: "what makes you think that?"
Juggler: "Yesterday I received a package containing three hand
grenades!"
Why did the juggler cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken
The other 3 or so original juggling jokes are not repeatable. Of the
non-juggling jokes here are my two favourites:
Q. What did the Zen master say to the guy at the hot
dog stand?
A. Make me one with everything.
[Toby Ayer]
Q. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A. To get to the other . . . um . . . no, wait a second . . .
[Dan Mitchell]
regards,
Colin E.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virtual Juggler:
http://www.fishsoft.co.uk/
Kae Verens
> The other 3 or so original juggling jokes are not repeatable. Of the
> non-juggling jokes here are my two favourites:
ah, go on... repeat them anyway...
please?
Kae
Rasmus Rimestad
Yeah. Please do. Or I won't get any sleep tonight. :o)
cain
A juggler dies and goes to heaven where he is greeted by St. Peter. St.
Peter gives the juggler a tour of heaven, beginning with the different
athletic facilities. They pass by heaven's basketball courts, heaven's
hockey rink, heaven's soccer field, and all of the other facilities until
they finally reach heaven's juggling gym. They walk in and the juggler is
astonished by what he sees. Rastelli is near the entrance juggling 8
sticks. Bobby May is balanced upside down on a pedestal force bouncing 5
balls off of a drum. Jenny Jaeger is juggling 6 rings while bouncing a ball
on her head. All over the place are the greatest jugglers of the past,
doing amazing things. The newly arrived juggler then notices someone in the
corner attempting 10 balls. Time after time, this juggler throws the ten
balls up, only to have them smash together in the air and rain down on him.
Between each attempt, the frustrated juggler says, "I can do it; really, I
can!" The newly arrived juggler turns to St. Peter and asks, "Who is that."
St. Peter replys, "Oh, that's God, but he thinks he's Albert Lucas!"
"Colin E." <webm...@fishsoft.co.uk.NOSPAM> wrote in message
news:3a5435b3...@nntp.leeds.ac.uk...
koshu
----
Q: Why did the juggler panic when he/she went to a toystore ?
A: He/she saw a shelf full of Pokemon's ("Gotta catch 'em all")
----
_I didn't by any Pokemon's_
Sent via Deja.com
http://www.deja.com/
Eric Bagai
Weeeel, as long as we're adapting jokes from other fields to fit
juggling . . . .
A juggler dies and goes to Hell where he is greeted by Satan.
"Welcome! Let me introduce you to your new juggling partners."
Whereupon he meets Cinquevalli, Magnus Nichols, and all those
people mentioned in the previous joke. "Oh wow!" says the
juggler, This is wonderful! Are you sure I'm really in Hell?"
"Of course," says Satan, "and here is your set of poi."
=Eric
Sky
"Eric Bagai" <ejb...@teleport.com> wrote:
> Weeeel, as long as we're adapting jokes from other fields to fit
> juggling . . . .
>
> A juggler dies and goes to Hell where he is greeted by Satan.
> "Welcome! Let me introduce you to your new juggling partners."
> Whereupon he meets Cinquevalli, Magnus Nichols, and all those
> people mentioned in the previous joke. "Oh wow!" says the
> juggler, This is wonderful! Are you sure I'm really in Hell?"
> "Of course," says Satan, "and here is your set of poi."
Good one, Eric - mad funny. But you got one small detail wrong. Poi
are for purgatory. In Hell they give you balero...
Sky
Carmine St Irregulars [www.juggler.net/nyjugglers]
Kinetic Groove [www.KineticGroove.net]
David Stephens
>
> Here is a juggling joke not yet mentioned.
>
> A juggler dies and goes to heaven where he is greeted by St. Peter. St.
> Peter gives the juggler a tour of heaven, beginning with the different
> athletic facilities. They pass by heaven's basketball courts, heaven's
> hockey rink, heaven's soccer field, and all of the other facilities until
> they finally reach heaven's juggling gym. They walk in and the juggler is
> astonished by what he sees. Rastelli is near the entrance juggling 8
> sticks. Bobby May is balanced upside down on a pedestal force bouncing 5
> balls off of a drum. Jenny Jaeger is juggling 6 rings while bouncing a ball
> on her head. All over the place are the greatest jugglers of the past,
> doing amazing things. The newly arrived juggler then notices someone in the
> corner attempting 10 balls. Time after time, this juggler throws the ten
> balls up, only to have them smash together in the air and rain down on him.
> Between each attempt, the frustrated juggler says, "I can do it; really, I
> can!" The newly arrived juggler turns to St. Peter and asks, "Who is that."
> St. Peter replys, "Oh, that's God, but he thinks he's Albert Lucas!"
Haha, that's really good.
- David Stephens
--
----== posted via www.jugglingdb.com ==----
The Void
> Haha, that's really good.
Uh, you resurected a five-year old thread just to say that?
You owe us all a joke. Make it a good one.
No pressure.
The Void
.................
Jaunting for beginners, 1pm, tomorrow, 3000 miles away.
n8rae
>
> David Stephens wrote:
>
> > Haha, that's really good.
>
> Uh, you resurected a five-year old thread just to say that?
>
> You owe us all a joke. Make it a good one.
> No pressure.
>
> The Void
> .................
> Jaunting for beginners, 1pm, tomorrow, 3000 miles away.
>
Wow void thanks for pointing that out. As i never read the dates n stuff
(or the title of the post like you mentioned the other day) i didn't even
realise it was an old thread.
nathan
Objuggling (sort of) i have just been given the project brief for my next
uni video project, its "experimental film." Just wondering if i could
shoe horn juggling in some how?
sean_
>
> David Stephens wrote:
>
> > Haha, that's really good.
>
> Uh, you resurected a five-year old thread just to say that?
>
> You owe us all a joke. Make it a good one.
> No pressure.
>
Well since theres no pressure and whilst we are waiting for Davids Joke,
heres one.
(stop me if you have heard it before)
Three men turn up at the pearly gates, a stiltwalker, a unicyclist and a
juggler. God had passed down the word that (somehow) heaven was a bit full
of
performers so St Peter decided that he'd best see if these three were
worthy.
He asks the stiltwalker 'Whats the hardest thing you ever did?'
-'I walked through a crowd of Manchester city surporters on 25 foot stilts
on
cobbles, in the rain, on a slope wearing a Manchetser united top and using
only my time served skill and witty banter managed to come through the
other
side unscathed (and paid on time)'.
St Peter was suitably impressed 'Truly you are peerless in your trade, in
you
go...Now mr unicyclist, what was the hardest thing you ever did?'
-'At Covent Garden I freemounted a 10ft half wheel giraffe with icy
puddles
on the ground, as tourists were barging through the circle and I managed
to
collect a £300 hat (all notes) without using the 'adopted' hat line whilst
a
chainsaw act was trying to steal my crowd'
'Outstanding' said St Peter 'I've never heard the like, in you go...'
'Now Mr juggler, what was the hardest thing you ever did?'
-'On stage I qualified 11 balls, with a ceiling the same colour as my
balls
and with an evil spotlight shining into my eyes. All the way through my
act
half the crowd were shouting "We want Chris Bliss!" and the other half
were
humming the circus music!'
'Amazing!' Said St Pete 'Can you do 12?'
Sean_
bill coad
Francis Brunn, Bobby May, and Enrico Rastelli walk into a bar. Then
Michael Moschen says, "Only I can do that."
Mutton
Simple. Juggle shoe horns.
--
Andrew Gradisher
randomnickname
>
> 'Now Mr juggler, what was the hardest thing you ever did?'
> -'On stage I qualified 11 balls, with a ceiling the same colour as my
> balls
> and with an evil spotlight shining into my eyes. All the way through my
> act
> half the crowd were shouting "We want Chris Bliss!" and the other half
> were
> humming the circus music!'
> 'Amazing!' Said St Pete 'Can you do 12?'
>
> Sean_
>
It's funny cause it's true.
Peachi - Pete
"randomnickname" <charliet...@hotmail.com.nospam.com> wrote in message
news:4542dd3a$0$625$bed6...@news.gradwell.net...
NOOOOOooo its fuuunny 'cause its a monkey....
...may be a BJC related prize on offer for who ever can come up with
juggling monkey joke ;)
Your time starts now..... no dilly dallying!
I'm on fire, cheese, Peachi
Kelhoon
Do you want a joke about a monkey who juggles or a joke about someone or
something that juggles monkeys ?
Juggle on,
Kelhoon
swing sister
Little Paul
>
> NOOOOOooo its fuuunny 'cause its a monkey....
>
> ...may be a BJC related prize on offer for who ever can come up with
> juggling monkey joke ;)
Does that include jokes about Jason Garfield?
-Paul
Ed Provencher
What's the difference between a juggler and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
~Ed Provencher
www.icantstopjuggling.blogspot.com
www.jugglingconvention.blogspot.com
Struggler
A) Pay him for the pizza.
P.S. - It seems to me there's one about jugglers and there balls too,
or something like that. ;-)
Peachi - Pete
>> >> -'On stage I qualified 11 balls, with a ceiling the same colour as my
>> >> balls
>> >> and with an evil spotlight shining into my eyes. All the way through
>> >> my
>> >> act
>> >> half the crowd were shouting "We want Chris Bliss!" and the other half
>> >> were
>> >> humming the circus music!'
>> >> 'Amazing!' Said St Pete 'Can you do 12?'
>> >>
>> >> Sean_
>> >>
>> >
>> > It's funny cause it's true.
>>
>> NOOOOOooo its fuuunny 'cause its a monkey....
>>
>> ...may be a BJC related prize on offer for who ever can come up with
>> juggling monkey joke ;)
>>
>> Your time starts now..... no dilly dallying!
>>
>> I'm on fire, cheese, Peachi
>
> Fire cheese ?!?!? What on earth had that cow been eating ?
>
> Do you want a joke about a monkey who juggles or a joke about someone or
> something that juggles monkeys ?
>
> Juggle on,
>
> Kelhoon
>
...as long as its got monkeys in it WILL be funny ;)
what have these cows been eating?
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/magical+trevor/
Little Paul
>
> http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/magical+trevor/
It's a good job I read that link before clicking on it. I'm quite
happy with my current ear-worm[1] thankyouverymuch
-Paul
[1] If you lived, on pigeon street, these are the people
that you would meet...
Danny Colyer
> ...as long as its got monkeys in it WILL be funny ;)
> what have these cows been eating?
>
> http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/magical+trevor/
And it links to an animation by the Toast Fairy:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/clive+the+frog/
--
Danny Colyer <URL:http://www.colyer.plus.com/danny/>
Reply address is valid, but that on my website is checked more often
"He who dares not offend cannot be honest." - Thomas Paine
Peachi - Pete
strong sense of deja vu....
Monkey walks into a bar juggling....
....drops two balls....
boom boom ;)
Have a contact that assures me there is some video footage somewhere of:
a) a monkey juggling
b) someone juggling a monkey
c) a mixture of those two
Should be funny ;)
bill coad
http://www.threadless.com/submission/67840/1_2_3_Monkeys/showmore,designs
Peachi - Pete
...just need a back issue of that monkey on a unicylcel convention
t-shirt...
....your time starts now.... which convention was that?
BSmits
watching the (*insert rival's team*) play football. Suddenly they catch
an interseption and run it 60 yards. Over the next 3 down, they decide to
go for a field goal. They kick the ball, and it JJUUSSTT makes it over
and the place goes crazy. The monkey jumps up, does a backflip and picks
up 7 clubs and starts doing backcrosses with a 360 thrown in while riding
a unicycle and blindfolded. For his big dismount he does a handstand on
the unicycle and flips over to the ground for a perfect finish. After all
is said and done, a passer-by asks "Wow, that was amazing, what does he do
when you score a touchdown?" The reply was "I don't know, we have only
had him for about 4 years...."
Peachi - Pete
I know the one about what do you call a Russian with 3 balls -
Whojyanickabollokof
Peachi - Pete
he he niiiice... pretty versatile too for using in different situations...
Little Paul
>
> Have a contact that assures me there is some video footage somewhere of:
>
> a) a monkey juggling
I think I've seen that one. I'm not sure it was a 3 ball cascade
but I've definately seen footage of a may with a monkey sat on
his head who was catching balls out of the pattern and then
dropping them in at the right place.
The only other monkey juggler reference I can think of is the
picture of "Bubu" which appears in 4000 years (amongst other
places)
See http://lpbk.net/photos/4000_years/bubu.jpg
(sorry about the quality - but that was taken with a digicam
rather than a scanner - largely because I don't want to open
the book flat enough to scan it!)
I suspect that the picture is faked, but am undecided about how
it was done.
-Paul
Ewano
>
> There is a large group of people and a monkey in a sports bar. They are
> watching the (*insert rival's team*) play football.
I'm not into football, but it's quite a passion where I live. I can't get
away from knowing something about it.
> Suddenly they catch an interseption and run it 60 yards.
Eh? That's a foul isn't it? I thought it was against the rules to handle
the ball unless you are the goal keeper.
> Over the next 3 down, they decide to go for a field goal.
What are you blithering on about man? The whole point is to go for the
goal, no matter if you are playing on a field, a pitch or even in a
carpark with your jumpers for goalposts..
> They kick the ball, and it JJUUSSTT makes it over
> and the place goes crazy.
Yeah, they go crazy here when the team miss the goal here. My town hates
to lose, in fact they rioted one year and litteraly tore thier own city
centre appart to the point when riot police had to come in and try to
disperse the crowds. Molotove cocktails, bricks, signposts, tear gas,
dogs, armoured cars - that sort of thing. This wasn't a fight mind you, it
was just the home team getting really angry and fighting amongst
themselves.
> The monkey jumps up, does a backflip and picks
> up 7 clubs and starts doing backcrosses with a 360 thrown in while riding
> a unicycle and blindfolded. For his big dismount he does a handstand on
> the unicycle and flips over to the ground for a perfect finish.
Eh? Why does the monkey want the team to lose?
> After all is said and done, a passer-by asks "Wow, that was amazing,
> what does he do when you score a touchdown?"
Oh, a touchdown. I thought you were talking about football not that
american rugby for softies game. No wonder I was confused. If only you'd
called it "American Football" I'd have known what you were talking about.
> The reply was "I don't know, we have only had him for about 4 years...."
Heh, good joke though..
Ewano - stiring the pot of internationalism..
Peachi - Pete
>>
>> a) a monkey juggling
>
> I think I've seen that one. I'm not sure it was a 3 ball cascade
> but I've definately seen footage of a may with a monkey sat on
> his head who was catching balls out of the pattern and then
> dropping them in at the right place.
>
> The only other monkey juggler reference I can think of is the
> picture of "Bubu" which appears in 4000 years (amongst other
> places)
>
> See http://lpbk.net/photos/4000_years/bubu.jpg
>
> (sorry about the quality - but that was taken with a digicam
> rather than a scanner - largely because I don't want to open
> the book flat enough to scan it!)
>
> I suspect that the picture is faked, but am undecided about how
> it was done.
>
> -Paul
Just got sent the link - look for monkey and juggling:
http://quis.qub.ac.uk/juggle/juggling/movies.htm
Ha ha ha... its funny 'cause its a monkey ;)
Roger Light was wearing the 'monkey unicycling juggling bananas' T-shirt at
fundango last month and I think it was from a unicycling convention from a
few years ago.
Cheers for the Bubu pic LP.
Cheese, Peachimpy,
*******************************
Now unjoining the LAP - league against Paul
LP you wouldn't happpen to have a middle name begginning with A?
Is cross threading a crime like top posting or troll feeding?
Dawny
http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/be2/a37/be2a37a7-e281-4907-bf6c-e35774886428
http://people.tribe.net/perpetual_dawn/photos/37b89875-043b-41b8-9561-e27b447ad6a1
>
> ...as long as its got monkeys in it WILL be funny ;)
> what have these cows been eating?
>
> http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/magical+trevor/
>
>
>
>
--
Colin E.
[...]
> The only other monkey juggler reference I can think of is the
> picture of "Bubu" which appears in 4000 years (amongst other
> places)
>
> See http://lpbk.net/photos/4000_years/bubu.jpg
>
> (sorry about the quality - but that was taken with a digicam
> rather than a scanner - largely because I don't want to open
> the book flat enough to scan it!)
>
> I suspect that the picture is faked, but am undecided about how
> it was done.
I was leafing through 4000 years last night and cam to this picture again.
I too am certain that it is faked. When someone is an expert at balancing
objects, their body remains almost stationary under the object being
balanced. The corrections become so miniscule that the object appears to
remain stationary in a vertical fashion. Look at the angle of the balance
on Bubu's mouthstick - it is at quite an angle. Also, the ball on his head
is not well balanced. Furthermore, when performing multiple head balances,
typically pedestals are used which simply (!) require a stationary head to
rest on rather than teh corrections required for clubs/poles etc... Bubu
would have to be actively maintaining the balance with both the ball and
mouthstick. I doubt even Brunn or Rastelli ever perfomed this feat.
So why would this picture be faked?
Early posters were often illustrated rather than photographed, with quite
ludicrous prop positions and numbers. Take for instance this poster of
Rastelli:
http://www.juggling.org/fame/rastelli/Pics/rastelli.jpg
However, more recently, photographs were often faked. This was not always
for the sake of artistic licence. Photographic plates required a much
greater exposure time than modern film, therefore photographs of jugglers
would result in a blurred mess rather than the crisp high resolution image
required for a poster.
Interestingly Dick Franco describes how the well know image of Bobby May
performing 4 club splits, photographed from above was faked using wires
and airbrushing!
http://anthonygatto.forumco.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=543&whichpage=1&SearchTerms=+bobby+may
Here is the photograph:
http://s155995802.onlinehome.us/dfmainsite/df_website_2006008009.jpg
(Sorry - but that is the best resolution I could find).
So, the above picture of Bubu was a fake, however it does not necessarily
mean that they were in any way exagerating his skills. It may have been
that this was the simplest pose that they could fake for publicity
purposes. It still leaves me wondering, just what was Bubu capable of?
Regards,
Colin E.
.................................................................
Monday morning - looking for any reason to to get started on work!
Peachi - Pete
"Peachi - Pete"
<peachi-...@trueleepeachi-nospaaamplease.com-delete-dashes-and-no-spaaaam>
wrote in message news:M144h.14942$163....@newsfe6-gui.ntli.net...
>>> Have a contact that assures me there is some video footage somewhere of:
>>>
>>> a) a monkey juggling
>>
>> I think I've seen that one. I'm not sure it was a 3 ball cascade
>> but I've definately seen footage of a may with a monkey sat on
>> his head who was catching balls out of the pattern and then
>> dropping them in at the right place.
>>
>> The only other monkey juggler reference I can think of is the
>> picture of "Bubu" which appears in 4000 years (amongst other
>> places)
>>
>> See http://lpbk.net/photos/4000_years/bubu.jpg
>>
>> (sorry about the quality - but that was taken with a digicam
>> rather than a scanner - largely because I don't want to open
>> the book flat enough to scan it!)
>>
>> I suspect that the picture is faked, but am undecided about how
>> it was done.
>>
>> -Paul
>
> Just got sent the link - look for monkey and juggling:
>
> http://quis.qub.ac.uk/juggle/juggling/movies.htm
>
> Ha ha ha... its funny 'cause its a monkey ;)
>
> Roger Light was wearing the 'monkey unicycling juggling bananas' T-shirt
> at fundango last month and I think it was from a unicycling convention
> from a few years ago.
Saw Roger at FUN-dango and it was from the 9th Birmingham Circus Convention
2004 - anyone got the artwork from that convention still?
Cheese, Peachimpy
Little Paul
>
> Saw Roger at FUN-dango and it was from the 9th Birmingham Circus Convention
> 2004 - anyone got the artwork from that convention still?
> Cheese, Peachimpy
Your best bet is to wander along to www.bhamcircus.co.uk and rummage in
the contacts page for a chap called Mark Wiggins - if anyone knows where
the original artwork is - he's the man.
-Paul
Aidan
>
> For those of you who are interested in juggling jokes,
>
> For the past year I have been asking for people to send juggling
> related jokes in order to register Virtual Juggler. So far I have
> recieved 94 replies, with approximately half containing jokes. It will
> probably come as no surprise that the 'police man and knife juggler'
> joke and the many lightblub jokes featured quite frequently at six
> counts each. Here's what's left over:
>
> How do you kill a circus?
> Go for the juggler!
>
> Juggler: "I think someone's out to get me"
> Friend: "what makes you think that?"
> Juggler: "Yesterday I received a package containing three hand
> grenades!"
>
> Why did the juggler cross the road?
> It was stapled to the chicken
>
> The other 3 or so original juggling jokes are not repeatable. Of the
> non-juggling jokes here are my two favourites:
>
> Q. What did the Zen master say to the guy at the hot
> dog stand?
> A. Make me one with everything.
> [Toby Ayer]
>
> Q. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
> A. To get to the other . . . um . . . no, wait a second . . .
> [Dan Mitchell]
>
>
> regards,
> Colin E.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Virtual Juggler:
> http://www.fishsoft.co.uk/
>
>
>
how many jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
five
ah yeah but can you do it with six?
Aidan.
BSmits
Right on man, I should have said AMERICAN football. I will say that we
don't know how to classify the sport, because 99% of the game is with our
hands. I don't get it either. Funny little Americans....
BSmits
> how many jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb?
> five
> ah yeah but can you do it with six?
> Aidan.
>
Yeah, isn't that the way of the juggling world. That and the fact that
when you start juggling, (doesn't even have to be in a show), someone gets
it in their head that singing that circus song would either A) Light up
our day, B) Be the first time in our entire lives that someone has
actually done that, or C) make us NOT want to use our balls/pins/kinves to
beat the @(#%& outta them.
Peachi - Pete
>> Saw Roger at FUN-dango and it was from the 9th Birmingham Circus
>> Convention
>> 2004 - anyone got the artwork from that convention still?
>> Cheese, Peachimpy
>
> Your best bet is to wander along to www.bhamcircus.co.uk and rummage in
> the contacts page for a chap called Mark Wiggins - if anyone knows where
> the original artwork is - he's the man.
>
> -Paul
Mark Wiggins contact did the trick...
here it is:
http://www.trueleepeachi.com/monkey.htm
Its fuuunnnny, caaause its a moooonkey ;)
Hydrophidian
Took him 3 hours to get the Poi boy out.
Sorry, all I could come up with.
-Rico
Peachi - Pete
"Hydrophidian" <hydrop...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1164191118....@m7g2000cwm.googlegroups.com...
ow that was painful...
realised that the monkey picture may be the only picture of a drop I've seen
used to promote anything.... I like it even more ;)
popstar_dave
Well, did you hear about the poigler that was on his way home from a gig
when he realised that he needed petrol. So he pulled into the petrol
station, filled up, and went inside to pay. He was only inside for about
five minutes, but he suddenly realised that he'd left his poi sitting on
the back seat, in full view of anyone walking past. So he rushed back
outside to check on his car, but it was too late... someone had already
smashed the back window and thrown in two more sets of poi.
Dave
bill coad
just tossing and turning.