Great Toasts

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Anonymous

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May 16, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/16/95
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Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for weddings,
parties, etc.?

I have an upcoming event that I need some for. Thanks.

PJ Pugh

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May 16, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/16/95
to

>==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========

>
>Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
>weddings, parties, etc.?

May all your ups and downs be under the sheets!
================================================================
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..... - Desiderata

Bernard Johnson

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May 16, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/16/95
to

You are a fluke of the universe;
You have no right to be here;
And whether you can hear it or not;
The universe id laughing behind your back....
-Deteriorata
(I believe this was originally published in it's entirety by national
Lampoon)

Nathan Mates

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May 17, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/17/95
to
In article <D8oME...@ranger.daytonoh.attgis.com>, <Anonymous> wrote:
>Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for weddings,
>parties, etc.?

First, your newsreader is broken; there is no return email address
in the header. Secondly, at least 4 requests for this SAME DAMN THING
have been posted in the past 3 days. The answer remains the same:

Folks-
This is a form response. The above has been determined
unscientifically to resemble a requst for humor, or more specifically,
a request for pieces of humor that are popular and I know I have
archived here.

Each and every week, the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) is posted
to rec.humor. If you'd read that, you would have seen that such
requests are a waste of everyone's time; just ftp over to
ftp.cco.caltech.edu and look in pub/humor. If you do not know how to
use ftp, I have a quick ftp tutorial that can be sent via email.

At ftp.cco.caltech.edu, pub/humor, read the file 'READ.ME' for
information on how to download and decompress the files. The file
'FileList' contains a recent listing of each and every file in the
archive; you can download that and look for things

If you prefer www browsing (Mosaic / Netscape / Lynx), tell your
browser to go to

http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~nathan/humor.html

Some kind people may forward on to you exactly what you asked for;
I offer knowledge so you don't have to ask again. Which is better in
the long run for everyone?

Nathan Mates
Humor Archiver

--
<*> Nathan Mates http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~nathan/ <*>
# And he said to them, "To you has been given the secret of the
# Kingdom of God, but for those outside, everything comes in
# parables" Mark 4:11, NRSV

This space intentionally left blank

unread,
May 18, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/18/95
to
In article <D8otM...@ranger.daytonoh.attgis.com>, PJ Pugh <pu...@postsmg.DaytonOH.attgis.com> writes:
>
>>==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========

>>
>>Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
>>weddings, parties, etc.?
>
>May all your ups and downs be under the sheets!

St. Patrick's Day:

Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
Who, through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Here's toasting to his health!
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then,
Forget the good Saint Patrick,
And see all those snakes again!

-- Mike
"he ordered all snakes wishing to stay to raise their right hands..."
Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

w1w...@ucs.att.com

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May 18, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/18/95
to

>On Tue, 16 May 1995, PJ Pugh wrote:
>
>>
>> >==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========
>> >
>> >Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
>> >weddings, parties, etc.?
>>
>> May all your ups and downs be under the sheets!
>> ================================================================
>> You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
>> you have a right to be here.
>> And whether or not it is clear to you,
>> no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..... - Desiderata
>>
>>
>You are a fluke of the universe;
>You have no right to be here;
>And whether you can hear it or not;
>The universe id laughing behind your back....
> -Deteriorata
>(I believe this was originally published in it's entirety by national
>Lampoon)


Heard this at a wedding:

"Champaigne to our true friends; true pain to our sham friends."

Bill Doe

Lesley Harkin

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May 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/19/95
to
In article 10...@ucseng.ucs.att.com, w1w...@ucs.att.com (w1w...@ucs.att.com) writes:
>
>>On Tue, 16 May 1995, PJ Pugh wrote:
>>
>>>
>>> >==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========
>>> >
>>> >Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
>>> >weddings, parties, etc.?
>>>
>>> May all your ups and downs be under the sheets!
>>> ================================================================

Or

May all your troubles be *little ones*.


Gary A. Bushey

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May 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/19/95
to

> In article 10...@ucseng.ucs.att.com, w1w...@ucs.att.com
(w1w...@ucs.att.com) writes:
> >
> >>On Tue, 16 May 1995, PJ Pugh wrote:
> >>
> >>>
> >>> >==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========
> >>> >
> >>> >Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
> >>> >weddings, parties, etc.?

May the happiest day of your past be the worst day of your future

--
Gary A. Bushey | The nice thing about being a
E-mail: Gary.A...@Dartmouth.Edu | pessimist is that everything
| is a pleasant surprise.

Daniel Nichols

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May 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/19/95
to
> In article <D8otM...@ranger.daytonoh.attgis.com> PJ Pugh writes:

> You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
> you have a right to be here.
> And whether or not it is clear to you,
> no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..... - Desiderata>

You are a fluke of the universe...
You have no right to be here...
And whether you can hear it or not,
the universe is laughing behind your back... - Deterioratata


JIM JOHNSTONE

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May 20, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/20/95
to

>>Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
>>weddings, parties, etc.?

Love is like a kitchen table.
4 legs and no drawers!

___
* UniQWK #5112*

Glen Fry

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May 20, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/20/95
to
Gary A. Bushey (Gary.A...@Dartmouth.Edu) wrote:

: > In article 10...@ucseng.ucs.att.com, w1w...@ucs.att.com
: (w1w...@ucs.att.com) writes:
: > >
: > >>On Tue, 16 May 1995, PJ Pugh wrote:
: > >>
: > >>>
: > >>> >==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========

: > >>> >
: > >>> >Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
: > >>> >weddings, parties, etc.?

: May the happiest day of your past be the worst day of your future

: --
: Gary A. Bushey | The nice thing about being a
: E-mail: Gary.A...@Dartmouth.Edu | pessimist is that everything
: | is a pleasant surprise.

Here's another,
" Heres to you, here's to me, may we never disagree. And if we do,
then fuck you, heres to me..."

Bernard Johnson

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May 22, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/22/95
to
On Thu, 18 May 1995, w1w...@ucs.att.com wrote:

>
> >On Tue, 16 May 1995, PJ Pugh wrote:
> >
> >>
> >> >==========Anonymous, 5/16/95==========
> >> >
> >> >Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
> >> >weddings, parties, etc.?
> >>

> >> May all your ups and downs be under the sheets!
> >> ================================================================

> >> You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
> >> you have a right to be here.
> >> And whether or not it is clear to you,
> >> no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..... - Desiderata
> >>
> >>

> >You are a fluke of the universe;
> >You have no right to be here;
> >And whether you can hear it or not;
> >The universe id laughing behind your back....
> > -Deteriorata
> >(I believe this was originally published in it's entirety by national
> >Lampoon)
>
>
> Heard this at a wedding:
>
> "Champaigne to our true friends; true pain to our sham friends."
>
>
>
> Bill Doe
>
>
>
>

"Here's to you and here's to me, I hope that we don't disagree;
But if we do then F*** you and here's to me.

Thomas Connolly

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May 22, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/22/95
to
> > >> >
> > >> >Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for
> > >> >weddings, parties, etc.?

How 'bout:

That they never fail ya
your genitalia.
============================================================================
Thomas Connolly | You might be a redneck if... |
t...@wam.umd.edu | You know the significance of: |
GO #18 Interstate Chevy! | "Aintry? This river don't go to Aintry" |
============================================================================


John Casten

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May 22, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/22/95
to
heard on SCTV:

May the Lord take a likin' to ya
And blow ya up real soon
(told with 'hoser' accent)

my fave:

When your time comes
May ye stand before the gates of heaven
with the stars a-twinklin' between your toes
and the devil far behind ye
a-squirmin' in his own excrement
(Scottish accent)

--
never let anything mechanical know your are in a hurry

harry incs

unread,
May 23, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/23/95
to
Anonymous wrote:
> Has anyone heard any memorable, humorous (or otherwise) toasts for weddings,
> parties, etc.?

> I have an upcoming event that I need some for. Thanks.

Here's to you and here's to me,
best of friends we'll always be,
And if ever we should disagree,
Then f*** you and here's to me.

--
Harry Incs hi...@huey.csun.edu
******************************************************************************
******************************************************************************
The angle of the dangle increases and decreases in direct proportion to
the heat of the meat, the mass of the ass and the beauty of the cutie.
******************************************************************************
******************************************************************************

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