WON'T COME IN YOUR MOUTH
CAMMOT
being.. "the checks in the mail" or the "boss in here to help you"
Benjamin Avry Goldstein
> "I won't come in your mouth" that the second biggest lie, the first
> being.. "the checks in the mail" or the "boss in here to help you"
This sounds like an m&sex joke Will come in your mouth not in
your hand
Eric Marker
: "I won't come in your mouth" that the second biggest lie, the first
: being.. "the checks in the mail" or the "boss in here to help you"
I always thought the biggest lie was:
"I'm from the Government. I'm here to help."
============================================================================
"I See.", said the blind man. |"Listen, do you smell something?"
"Shut Up!", said the mute man. |- Dan Akroyd "Ghostbusters"
"You're too loud!", said the deaf man.|<<<<<<<< ma...@crash.cts.com >>>>>>>>
============================================================================
Al Donaldson
>"I'm from the Government. I'm here to help."
The way I heard it, it was Congressman Barney Frank,
"I'm from the Government. I won't come in your mouth."
Barney (no, Barney Frank, not the purple Barney) was on a local
radio talk show in DC last week, a bunch of Democrats talking
about what the party should do after getting their butts kicked
last November.
Someone pointed out that the Democrats might have done better
just running AS liberals than trying to convince the voters
after all these years that they AREN'T liberals. One guy said
that every time the Democrats try to act like "Republicans
in drag" they get beaten bad by real Republicans.
After a small pause, Congressman Frank replied that "Since I'm
probably the only person here to frequent those types of places,
let me say that I *have* seen Republicans in drag, and it isn't
a pretty picture."
Al
College of William and Hillary, Class of 96
Russell Wong
I always thought the biggest lie was: I'll call you tomorrow.
------------------------------------
Russell Wong
russel...@polestar.ho.att.com
AT&T
Jason Kreitzer
"This hurts me more than it hurts you."
"Free Health Care."
Jason
Prem!
>
>I always thought the biggest lie was: I'll call you tomorrow.
No, it now is: "I Feel Your Pain" ((c) 1993 Bill Clinton)
It supersedes: "I Don't Know Her" ((c) 1993 Bill Clinton)
all of these: "I Didn't Inhale" ((c) 1992 Bill Clinton)
"No New Taxes" ((c) 1988 George Bush)
Prem!
TSM...@american.edu
Huw Leonard
jason.kreitzer%gou...@wb3ffv.ampr.org says...
>
>"The check is in the mail."
This line is rather obscure until you realize that Americans don't
distinguish between cheques and checks (nor meters and metres, et.
al.). But what an interesting image it conjures...
>"This hurts me more than it hurts you."
And the corrollary: if it does, use a paddle instead of your hand.
>"Free Health Care."
This, of course, is relative. It's free for someone, but only
'cause someone else is paying.
(To be picky, this is an oxymoron, and not really in the spirit of "the
biggest lie.")
The list, as I've heard it before, goes like this:
- I'll only eat half
- I won't come in your mouth (already posted; many alternate spellings
for the verb)
- The cheque/check is in the mail (also posted)
- It must have got lost in the mail (follow-up to the previous one)
- This won't hurt a bit (esp. at a dentist's office)
- The scar will go away
- This hurts me more than it hurts you (see above)
- Please allow four to six weeks for delivery
Oxymorons (for the _really_ cynical out there):
- free health care (see above)
- postal service
- military intelligence
- government worker
- civil servant
- hospital care
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Huw Leonard, speaking only for himself unless you agree with him.
Linguist extraordinaire.
Roger M. Wilcox
>In article <63001.8...@wb3ffv.ampr.org>,
>jason.kreitzer%gou...@wb3ffv.ampr.org says...
>>
>>"The check is in the mail."
>
>This line is rather obscure until you realize that Americans don't
>distinguish between cheques and checks (nor meters and metres, et.
>al.). But what an interesting image it conjures...
You're right. It should have been:
"The Czeck is in the mail."
--
Roger M. Wilcox rog...@cisco.com (a.k.a. tra...@netcom.com)
------------------- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. ----------------
"Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and
the interchangeable parts." -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey [SNL]
Chris Pisarra
--
==============================================================================
Chris Pisarra Any questions?
pis...@ccnet.com Any answers?
Any rags, any bones, any bottles today?
==============================================================================
Odie
> "We're from the government, and we're here to help"
You'll grow into it.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
I'm only doing this because I love you.
Its the thought that counts.
Don't worry we'll still be friends.
--
dtu...@uni.uiuc.edu --Dan Tucker
d...@polypro.me.uiuc.edu
"Now life has killed the dream I dreamed"
--Les Miserables
Robert McAllister
Chris Pisarra (pis...@ccnet.com) wrote:
> "We're from the government, and we're here to help"
You'll grow into it.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
I'm only doing this because I love you.
Its the thought that counts.
Don't worry we'll still be friends.
How 'bout
I was thinking of you the whole time.
--
Robert McAllister *****************************************************
vi...@eng.umd.edu * Open your eyes and look within
* Are you satisified with the life you're livin'
* We know where we're goin we know where we're from
* We're leavin babylon, we're goin to our father's land.
- Bob Marley
crawf
s9u...@salem.hamster.edu (Robert McAllister) writes:
>
> You'll grow into it.
>
> This hurts me more than it hurts you.
>
> I'm only doing this because I love you.
>
> Its the thought that counts.
>
> Don't worry we'll still be friends.
>
>How 'bout
> I was thinking of you the whole time.
>
I don't want to be a net.cop, but...
larry crawford "Talk is cheap, but so are you."
psychology dept -- "No Nose Blues"
univ of georgia
athens, ga 30602 "putting the psycho in psychobiology"
craw...@uga.cc.uga.edu
Robert McAllister
In article <S9URAM.95...@salem.hamster.edu>
s9u...@salem.hamster.edu (Robert McAllister) writes:
>
> You'll grow into it.
>
> This hurts me more than it hurts you.
>
> I'm only doing this because I love you.
>
> Its the thought that counts.
>
> Don't worry we'll still be friends.
>
>How 'bout
> I was thinking of you the whole time.
>
I thought the biggest online lie was:
I don't want to be a net.cop, but...
I always liked this one
<insert your favorite bullshit here>, honest!!
ksg...@ucs.usl
I didn't vote for him.
I didn't kmow she was my cousin.
Honest, I was just trying to help thet sheep over the fence.
and the three biggest lies acording to David Alan Coe are:
This will only hurt for a little while.
I'll only put the head of it in.
I promise I'll never try to come in your mouth.
James L. Bryant
> In article <S9URAM.95...@salem.hamster.edu>
> s9u...@salem.hamster.edu (Robert McAllister) writes:
> >
> > You'll grow into it.
> >
> > This hurts me more than it hurts you.
> >
> > I'm only doing this because I love you.
> >
> > Its the thought that counts.
> >
> > Don't worry we'll still be friends.
> >
> >How 'bout
> > I was thinking of you the whole time.
> >
> I thought the biggest online lie was:
> I don't want to be a net.cop, but...
>
> I always liked this one
> <insert your favorite bullshit here>, honest!!
>
I'm from the government...and I'm here to help you.
--
Everyone has a right to my own opinion.
corbin collins
>From: jbr...@galileo.tracor.com (James L. Bryant)
>Subject: Re: Biggest Lie (was WON'T COME IN YOUR MOUTH)
>Date: Mon, 09 Jan 1995 17:12:26 -0500
I just sent it.
Contract With America
I didn't inhale.
I won't be in today, I [cough] I think I have a cold.
I think it said ninety-nine cents . . . I could go check . . .
I was just getting ready to call you.
Oh, just me and the cat [shhhh].
Read my lips, no new taxes.
Putting People First.
Favorite activities: reading, working out, writing, crafts
[Enter video store for xxx flick, go first to documentaries.]
No, I don't remember where I picked up this lighter.
[To dog]: Now, I'll be right back, okay?
[To self]: Alright, one more Web site and that absolutely is it.
My great aunt died -- thanks -- and I have to go to the funeral.
Around three or four times a week.
Seven and a half inches -- I measured once!
I hardly ever eat at fast food joints.
I really don't watch much TV at all.
Yes, I'm still not smoking.
Yes, I'm married, but we have an open relationship.
Y'know, this show really isn't too bad.