Looking for sick religious jokes
chris stefanich
jesus walked into a holiday inn, put three nails on the front desk, and
asked "can you put me up for the night?"
Chris <ph...@grfn.org>
Kevin Postlewaite
>
>Anybody got any sick religious jokes. Jokes about Jesus in particular?
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Irfon-Kim Ahmad
: Anybody got any sick religious jokes. Jokes about Jesus in particular?
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&M's?
A: because they keep falling through the holes in his hands!
<******>
-=< Irfon-Kim Ahmad (i...@cyberspace.org, 3i...@qlink.queensu.ca) >=-
a.k.a. The MIGHTY If!
This .sig file is for demonstration purposes only, and is not intended
for resale.
Greg Carroll
>Anybody got any sick religious jokes. Jokes about Jesus in particular?
1. Adopt the position (as Jesus on cross).
2. Say "What's this?"
3. Scratch nose.
4. "Jesus' last miracle."
Todd Lang u
"Oh, yeah? My dad can damn your dad to eternal torment!" -Young Jesus.
Todd Lang
|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Reality is only a state of mind away. But it takes effort to get there |
|-------------------------------------------------------------------------|
Jon Mason Gougar Jr
Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
for some imagined shock value.
William J. Evans
: Shut up Lamer!!!
No, what he said was quite funny.
: OBSickReligiousJoke:
: Millions of adults actually believe that there is a supreme being.
That _is_ pretty sick. Far better if they were in the billions.
-- Captain Nitpick
chris stefanich
> Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
> hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
> from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
> but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
> lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
> for some imagined shock value.
look.....the message subject read "looking for sick religious jokes". if
that stuff offends you, DO NOT READ IT. i would like to continue my
right to hear sick religious jokes, because i think they are very funny.
why don't you try alt.jokes.kindergarten?
Chris <ph...@grfn.org>
Knurt
religion, or religious freaks, fundies, ect. If so send them to me. I'm
trying to make a book out of these stories and I need more of them.
PLEASE DON'T SEND THEM TO MY AOL ADDRESS.
If you do I can't use them.
Send any and all entries to,
thank you
Knurt
He hands the inn keeper 3 nails, and says, "Can ya put me up for the
night?"
knurt
Godless
> Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
>Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
>hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
>from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
>but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
>lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
>for some imagined shock value.
Shut up Lamer!!!
OBSickReligiousJoke:
Millions of adults actually believe that there is a supreme being.
--
Bob Trieger
god...@netcom.com
"If you finger me, may I suggest washing your hands afterwards?"
Chris Segnitz
This one's not specific to Jesus but I think it's a good one anyway.
God and his angels are trying to decide where he should go on his next
holiday. One angel says " How about Mercury?". God says "Too damn hot!".
Another suggests Pluto. God says "Too damn cold!". A third says "How
about Earth?". God says "No way. I screwed some chick there 2000 years
ago and they're STILL talking about it!!!"
--
chris_...@banffcentre.ab.ca
Banff, Alberta, Canada
Timo Salmi
:OBSickReligiousJoke:
: Millions of adults actually believe that there is a supreme being.
Kibo?
All the best, Timo
..................................................................
Prof. Timo Salmi Co-moderator of comp.archives.msdos.announce
Moderating at garbo.uwasa.fi anonymous FTP archives 128.214.87.1
Faculty of Accounting & Industrial Management; University of Vaasa
Internet: t...@uwasa.fi BBS +(358)-61-3170972; FIN-65101, Finland
William J McClatchie
: Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
: Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
: hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
: from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
: but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
: lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
: for some imagined shock value.
Seems to have some doesn't it?
Tell me something. If Jesus were alive today, would he war a Rolex on
hi TV show?
Greg Goebel
> Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
> Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
> hell?
That would be asking quite a lot, I admit, but he could at least give me a
stick and some marshmallows ...
-
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Wile E. Coyote at Acme Electronics Corporation |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it. |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Greg Goebel NET: gvg@hpislsup |
| Hewlett-Packard HP DESK: GREG GOEBEL |
| VXD Marketing PHONE: Telnet/303 679-3424 |
| POB 301 / MS-CU326 / Loveland CO 80539 FAX: Telnet/303 679-5971 |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
chris stefanich
> : asked "can you put me up for the night?"
>
why did you quote this back to me? are you returning it because it
doesn't work right? <g>
Chris <ph...@grfn.org>
Walter Murdock
Why is it people think God has no sense of humor?
Ever take a look at a platypus???
Ever take a serious look in a mirror???
Shit. Lighten up. If God gets pissed, he'll let you know.
Meanwhile, I won't stand too near you just in case the
lightning ricochets...
regards,
Frank Reid
> Anybody got any sick religious jokes. Jokes about Jesus in particular?
>
to Jerusalem.
My favorite, a visual joke:
Stand erect with feet together, arms stretched out. Look downward:
Hey! Stop that!
Shoo!
Scat!
Get away from there!
BEAT IT!
SCRAM!
Fall sideways: "Darn those beavers!"
BTW, don't to this with legs crossed, as in "We've only got one nail left."
--
Frank re...@indiana.edu
Carl Joseph Kushinsky
humorous is your add-on. If you don't like it, don't read it.
And NO I'm not Anti-Religious. And NO I'm not pushing "the envelope of
right and wrong". I don't even HAVE any envelopes! The drugstore was closed
today. Because it was Sunday. Ooops! Was that an insult? Sorry (and stuff.)
I still think its funny.
And stuff.
Henrik Brameus
McClatchie) wrote:
> Tell me something. If Jesus were alive today, would he wear a Rolex on
> his TV show?
I don't think anybody would listen to him. I mean a hippie (long hair,
beard, sandals) with wery humanistic (do to others what you'd like them to
do to you) and communistic (no personal belongings, give what you can to
others in need, etc) ideals who even has the nerve to screw up all
official records by returning from death. Nope, he wouldn't stand a
chance.
--
No .sig, I've given up smoking.
William J. Evans
: Everybody on this group should have at least 1 funny story involving
: religion, or religious freaks, fundies, ect. If so send them to me. I'm
: trying to make a book out of these stories and I need more of them.
: PLEASE DON'T SEND THEM TO MY AOL ADDRESS.
: If you do I can't use them.
Why the heck not?
-- Captain Nitpick
Bill Boxall
A small factory in the northwest, Anderson Nails, had been experiencing
years of success and growth. Feeling that he was ready to try for the
big time, the owner (Anderson, of course) contracted a big Madison Avenue
agency to help him promote his product.
Aiming to get the greatest possible exposure, the agency booked a full
minute at the beginning of the Super Bowl halftime show. Anderson was
pretty excited about this, and invited all of his friends and relatives
to his home for a big Super Bowl party.
At the end of the first half, everybody drew closer to the TV, wanting to
see the premiere of the commercial. It began with an arial shot of the
desert, and zoomed in on a small walled city. As the camera slowly panned
about the city, it became apparent that this was Jerusalem, during the
Roman occupation. A large hill on the horizon came into view, and as the
camera drew closer, a number of crosses became visible. The focus settled
on a naked man in a crown of thorns, then moved in for an extreme closeup
of his bleeding hands, and the nails which held them to the cross. The
nails were stamped with the Anderson Nails logo. A subtitle appeared on
the screen, bearing the words "Anderson Nails--the Expert's Choice".
Anderson's guests were horrified. The party broke up before the end of
the game. The next day, he began to get phone calls from his oldest and
most loyal customers, expressing their outrage and cancelling their orders.
By the end of the week, his sales were down to nothing.
He called the president of the advertising agency to cancel his contract.
When Anderson explained the situation, the ad-man was surprised, and
offered to run a new campaign at no charge.
The new campaign was slated to start in a few weeks time (not too long
before Easter, as it turned out). This time, Anderson nervously watched
the commercial alone in the privacy of his office.
It began the same way as before, with an arial view of Jerusalem. The
camera finally settled on two Roman soldiers drinking wine at a table
near the marketplace. Hearing a disturbance nearby, they look up from
their drinks in time to see a naked man, with bleeding hands and feet,
being pursued by a group of soldiers. The first soldier looks at his
companion, smiles knowingly, and says "they didn't use Anderson nails!"
Joseph Masters
3> A: because they keep falling through the holes in his hands!
Q: What was the first thing Jesus said when they took him off the cross?
A: "My Feet!!! My Feet!!!!! Arrggggghhh!!!"
##s#Ph ]\/[#s#E#s
The Basement BBS
GOD
Damn funny joke. Too bad this person can't appreciate it.
David Holender
> Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
>Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
>hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
>from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
>but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
>lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
>for some imagined shock value.
RTFM re: kill files.
OBJoke Q: Why do squirles swim on their backs?
A: To keep their nuts dry!
Timo Salmi
:OBJoke Q: Why do squirles swim on their backs?
: A: To keep their nuts dry!
Nuts!
All the best, Timo (aka Professor Pundit in rec.humor)
Kristian Bohm
[]>
[]>
[]>
[]>It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
[]
[] Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
[]Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
[]hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
[]from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
[]but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
[]lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
[]for some imagined shock value.
What are you talking about?! It's just a joke and a funny one to boot! If
YOUR God is sooooo forgiving I don't think he'll take offense to a joke, I
think he's probably more mature than that!
---
kristi...@mitel.com |Seek and ye shall find...
Mitel Corp. Kanata, Canada |Unless of course it's $$ you're seeking
|I hear Jesus has been spotted in the south...
Not speaking for Mitel.... |or was that ELVIS????? Blue suede sandals!
Gary Barth
Because AOL will censor them, sue him, kill his family, burn his house,
rape his dog, invade his country, and generally become a real pain in
the ass.
************************************************************
* Gary Barth - epg...@email.mot.com flask...@aol.com *
************************************************************
"Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of
chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course
others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"
-- Patrick Henry
Henrik Brameus
(Gary Barth) wrote:
> In article <wjeCx4...@netcom.com>
> w...@netcom.com (William J. Evans) writes:
>
> > Knurt (kn...@aol.com) wrote:
> > : PLEASE DON'T SEND THEM TO MY AOL ADDRESS.
> > : If you do I can't use them.
> >
> > Why the heck not?
>
>
> Because AOL will censor them, sue him, kill his family, burn his house,
> rape his dog, invade his country, and generally become a real pain in
> the ass.
Still doesn't answer the question.
JermiH
Postlewaite) writes:
Jesus Christ walks into an inn. Walks up to the inn-keeper and hands him
three nails and asks him if he could put him up for the night.
William J McClatchie
: > : If you do I can't use them.
: >
: > Why the heck not?
:
: Because AOL will censor them, sue him, kill his family, burn his house,
: rape his dog, invade his country, and generally become a real pain in
: the ass.
I thought they already were doing most of this to their users. I
thought something bad would happen to him if we mailed to his AOL
address.
--
Where do you go, when you've gone to far?
William J McClatchie
: >> > : If you do I can't use them.
: >> >
: >> > Why the heck not?
: >>
: >>
: >> Because AOL will censor them, sue him, kill his family, burn his house,
: >> rape his dog, invade his country, and generally become a real pain in
: >> the ass.
: Wow, AOL sounds WORSE than religion. ;)
Do you know what the difference between AOL and God is?
God is supposedly forgiving.
William J. Evans
: What are you talking about?! It's just a joke and a funny one to boot! If
: think he's probably more mature than that!
Reminds me of a cartoon I saw in the New Yorker. It shows a
guy who has obviously just hit the Pearly Gates. He's standing
there with an obviously relieved look on his face as St. Peter
reviews a sheaf of notes and says, "Blasphemous, yes. But it
WAS funny."
-- Captain Nitpick
quinn david weaver
Kevin Postlewaite
>: but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
>: lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
>: for some imagined shock value.
>
>Seems to have some doesn't it?
>
>Tell me something. If Jesus were alive today, would he war a Rolex on
>hi TV show?
You mean to cover the holes in his wrist?
-Kevin
quinn david weaver
schr...@news.delphi.com
>In article <1994Oct5....@schbbs.mot.com>, epg...@email.mot.com
>(Gary Barth) wrote:
>> In article <wjeCx4...@netcom.com>
>> w...@netcom.com (William J. Evans) writes:
>>
>> > Knurt (kn...@aol.com) wrote:
>> > : PLEASE DON'T SEND THEM TO MY AOL ADDRESS.
>> > : If you do I can't use them.
>> >
>> > Why the heck not?
>>
>>
>> Because AOL will censor them, sue him, kill his family, burn his house,
>> rape his dog, invade his country, and generally become a real pain in
>> the ass.
Wow, AOL sounds WORSE than religion. ;)
William J McClatchie
: -Kevin
What about the holes in his other arm and his legs?
Thump-er
"Sure" the guy says, "I'll go for it"
"Wait a second" she says "it'll cost you half your sex life.
"No problem" he says. so she mixes some eyes and newt tails and says some chants and casts the little spell.
A year later the guy is on the same fairway and he trots into the woods again looking for the witch. "Hey, I really want to thank you" he says. "I've never played better golf in my life"
"And how's your sex life" she asks him.
"Oh, not too bad. About once every couple of months."
"Not too bad? That's awful" she says.
"Ahh, but not for a Catholic priest with a small parish!" he says
-- Wild Bill
Rey Moloney
->>>
->>>What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
->>>
->>>
->>>
->>>It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
GD->> Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
->>Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
->>hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
->>from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
->>but I read this group to try to find a chuckle or two, and all I see
->>lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
->>for some imagined shock value.
GD->Damn funny joke. Too bad this person can't appreciate it.
Yeah, it is and I'm not even anti-Christian.
* 1st 2.00b #3763 * K.ss m. tw.... .'m s.h.z.phr.....
D. Citron
: In article <36lk25$p...@portal.gmu.edu>, wmcc...@mason1.gmu.edu (William J
: McClatchie) wrote:
: > Tell me something. If Jesus were alive today, would he wear a Rolex on
: > his TV show?
: I don't think anybody would listen to him. I mean a hippie (long hair,
: beard, sandals) with wery humanistic (do to others what you'd like them to
: do to you) and communistic (no personal belongings, give what you can to
Correction: That's not communistic ... that's charitable or altruistic.
Communists and socialists are people (like the folks in Washington) who
are charitable with other people's money, but don't believe in depriving
themselves, because they paternalistically believe that they are better
and smarter and more deserving than the people they govern.
Read Animal Farm!
Adrian Graham DENT - Rodent
>GD->>>>Anybody got any sick religious jokes. Jokes about Jesus in particular?
> ->>>It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
[...]
>GD->> Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
[...]
> ->>for some imagined shock value.
>GD->Damn funny joke. Too bad this person can't appreciate it.
> Yeah, it is and I'm not even anti-Christian.
> * 1st 2.00b #3763 * K.ss m. tw.... .'m s.h.z.phr.....
Um....what was anti Christian about the joke?? Our Saviour died for our
sins, we aknowledge that....and we all know it was done by nailing him to
the cross.....and I am sure at least some of us realise that pictures don't
need many nails to hang them up, so it was not realy offensive, and it had
so much truth in it to almost be not funny...but then most jokes need truth
or they don't make any sense.....like...."whats red and looks like a
bucket?"....or "What's brown and sticky?"
Adrian Graham DENT - Rodent
>From: dci...@gate.net (D. Citron)
>Subject: Re: Looking for sick religious jokes
>Date: 9 Oct 1994 18:38:17 GMT
>Read Animal Farm!
No...REAL communists are people who believe that everyone should be equal...
not really much difference between communism and democracy. In a democracy,
everyone has an equal right to say how they should be governed, and in
communism, people have an equal right to be governed. The fact that both
systems are open to abuse (as he says, read animal farm, and 1984..but also
think of people rorting the system under a "democratic" government"
And Christ didn't really tell us to give what we can to those in need...(at
least not all the time)...there were times He siad to give everything you
have to those in need, and there were times he said that giving luxuries to
people, whether they need them or not is a damn fine thing to do (althought
I don't think he used those exact words). In fact, I believe there was a
time when He allowed his head to be washed with some sort of oil or
somewthing, and Judas (I think it was Judas) had a go at the woman who did
the washing for wasting something so valuable......I think I may be rambling
a little much here....so I guess it is time for a realy old, recycled objoke.
What is the difference between communism and capitalism?
Under communism, man exploits man, but under capitalism, it's the other way
around....
Knurt
roa...@halls1.cc.monash.edu.au (Adrian Graham DENT - Rodent) writes:
How do you get a nun pregnent?
Dress her up like an alter boy.
Checked for speling errors
>Reminds me of a cartoon I saw in the New Yorker.
--snip--
>-- Captain Nitpick
Cartoons in a magazine. I always thought you had to watch them on a tv or
movie screen or other such medium. How fast did you have to flip the pages?
-- Captain Nitpicked
William J. Evans
: Cartoons in a magazine. I always thought you had to watch them on a tv or
: movie screen or other such medium. How fast did you have to flip the pages?
Since Evelyn Wood, pretty fast.
-- Captain Nitpick
Daniel B O'sullivan
: In article <roadent.73...@halls1.cc.monash.edu.au>,
: roa...@halls1.cc.monash.edu.au (Adrian Graham DENT - Rodent) writes:
: How do you get a nun pregnent?
: Dress her up like an alter boy.
A nun and a priest are golfing and on the third holethe priest has
a 2 foot putt to sink and misses it. "F*cking Sh*t I missed," he screams.
The nun turns bright red and warns the priest not to use such
language. They go on to the next few holes with no problems until the
9th hole when the priest misses a 1 foot put and looses his temper. "F*cking
Sh*t I missed!," he screams.
"Father, should you speak those words again, may the Lord strike
you down where you stand."
"Yes sister, your right. I give you my humbleist appologies, and
I swear I shall not say those words again lest the Lord strike me down."
They move on until the 18th hole and the priest needs to sink the
putt in order to win. It's a very easy putt which, obviously, the
priest misses. "F*UCKING SH*T, I MISSED!!!" Before either could react, the
clouds gather and a lightning bolt fires from the sky and strikes the nun
dead.
A loud booming voice echos from the skies, "F*cking Sh*t, I missed."
DO'S
DBKE...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca
Three catholic priests and a nun are playing golf.
All are on the eighteenth green the three priests have putted
out and the nun has a twenty foot putt. If she makes it
she wins the round.
Says the Nun, "If any of you three can tell me how to sink this
in one shot I'll give you the best Blow Job you've ever had!"
The first Priest immediately jumps in and says "OK, putt high and to
the left with a lite weight and it'll roll down the slope straight
into the cup."
The second priest says "No, high and right and the lie will roll
it down into the cup"
The third priests pauses and thinks for a bit...
"Well, I'd say its a gimme..."
Dave
William J McClatchie
: In article <3755ei$9...@portal.gmu.edu>
: wmcc...@mason1.gmu.edu (William J McClatchie) writes:
: > : > : PLEASE DON'T SEND THEM TO MY AOL ADDRESS.
: > : > : If you do I can't use them.
: > : >
: > : > Why the heck not?
: >
: > :
: > : Because AOL will censor them, sue him, kill his family, burn his house,
: > : rape his dog, invade his country, and generally become a real pain in
: > : the ass.
: >
: > I thought they already were doing most of this to their users. I
: > thought something bad would happen to him if we mailed to his AOL
: > address.
: >
: Whoops! Sorry! I meant "rape his family, burn his dog, kill his house,
: invade Lithuania, and poke him in the ass". THEN - they'll slow down
: his access to 300 baud!! Yeah! They're mean, alright!!
Sounds like the IRS. Guess we shouldn't mess with them.
LOO, TEOW LAI ERIC
>From: jer...@aol.com (JermiH)
>Subject: Re: Looking for sick religious jokes
how about this for a variation on an old, old joke:
this man dies, and having led a good, moral life, goes directly
to heaven, being met at the heavenly gates by an angel.
the angel takes the newbie on a guided tour around heaven. after
touring around for some time, he notices this massive, high wall
in the distance. quite perplexed, he asks the angel: "hey angel,
what's behind the wall?"
the angel says "shush! be quiet! that's where the muslims are ...
they think they're the only ones here!"
--
Gary Dean; born 2nd June (Gemini), 1957 (Rooster) in Perth, Australia.
Caucasian; Eyes Green, Spectacles; Hair Dark Brown; 183cm; 76kg.
Heterosexual. Computer Programmer, Animal Health Technician, Goatherd.
E-Mail ga...@asiapac.dialix.oz.au; Ph +61-9-3099395; Fax +61-9-3099386
Gary Barth
Whoops! Sorry! I meant "rape his family, burn his dog, kill his house,
invade Lithuania, and poke him in the ass". THEN - they'll slow down
his access to 300 baud!! Yeah! They're mean, alright!!
************************************************************
Richard Pluck
: Checked for speling errors (sbu...@uh01.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
: : Cartoons in a magazine. I always thought you had to watch them on a tv
: : the pages?
: Since Evelyn Wood, pretty fast.
: -- Captain Nitpick
Er ... forgive me for presuming to nitpick the nitpickers, but isn't it
still a cartoon regardless of whether it's animated ?
ObJoke : How many penguins does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Don't be stupid penguins don't use lightbulbs ...
... they use candles !
--
_______________________
_______________________________________________/ r...@rickyp.demon.co.uk\____
\_______________________/
Todd Blakaitis
[From Tim Allen's October Playboy article]
The male drive to inseminate as many young and
attractive women as possible before he passes
out from skipping lunch is responsible for the
rapid spread of our species and its survival.
--
\ \ -~-~-~-~-~-|| Aliens think factories are musical instruments. -~-~-~- / /
/ / Todd :-) || They sing along with them. :-} :-0 \ \
\ \ Blakaitis || Each song lasts from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. :-> / /
/ / -=-=-=-=-=-|| No music on weekends. -D.B. -=> to...@ee.vill.edu <=- \ \
Pat Croteau
[] Gary Dean; born 2nd June (Gemini), 1957 (Rooster) in Perth, Australia.
[] Caucasian; Eyes Green, Spectacles; Hair Dark Brown; 183cm; 76kg.
[] Heterosexual. Computer Programmer, Animal Health Technician, Goatherd.
[] E-Mail ga...@asiapac.dialix.oz.au; Ph +61-9-3099395; Fax +61-9-3099386
Man, you guys are really gettin sick, sick, sick...
pat
William J. Evans
: William J. Evans (w...@netcom.com) wrote:
: : Checked for speling errors (sbu...@uh01.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
: : : Cartoons in a magazine. I always thought you had to watch them on a tv
: : : movie screen or other such medium. How fast did you have to flip
: : : the pages?
: : Since Evelyn Wood, pretty fast.
: : -- Captain Nitpick
: Er ... forgive me for presuming to nitpick the nitpickers, but isn't it
: still a cartoon regardless of whether it's animated ?
--
Bill Evans (-- Captain Nitpick) Don't _ /| ACK!
P.O. Box 4829 make \'o_O' /
Irvine, CA 92716 Reply-To: lists =( )=
(714)551-2766 w...@acm.org .... U
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
D. Citron
They were called cartoons before tv and movies were even invented!
-- Covert Nosepicker
Karl Underwood
Haven't you ever heard of Holy Jesus.
--
Regards
Karl Underwood.
Jackson Leung
Sorry, I do not have a sick one, but I did just hear a good one last
Sunday:
A Chinese Christian just died and went up to the Heaven. After an
angel greeted him, the angel said, "Let me take you down to the Hell
before we go inside the Heaven." Once they were there, the Chinese
saw a huge table full of a big feast. However, everybody around the
table looked real sad and starving. He asked the angel why. The
angel said, "They only get a pair of 4-foot chopsticks and thus each
one of them cannot feed oneself because the chopsticks are too long."
Then, they went back to the Heaven and went inside. Again, the
Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast just like that in the
Hell and each person has a pair of 4-foot chopsticks too. However,
strangely, everybody around the table looked happy and satisfied.
The angel explained, "Simple, here in Heaven each one feeds another
with the chopsticks, unlike those selfish ones down there."
Timo Salmi
:Sounds like the IRS. Guess we shouldn't mess with them.
Sounds taxing!
All the best, Timo (aka Professor Pundit in rec.humor)
..................................................................
Prof. Timo Salmi Co-moderator of comp.archives.msdos.announce
Moderating at garbo.uwasa.fi anonymous FTP archives 128.214.87.1
Faculty of Accounting & Industrial Management; University of Vaasa
Internet: t...@uwasa.fi BBS +(358)-61-3170972; FIN-65101, Finland
Walter Murdock
"I don't care WHO you say you are - you can't
drag that cross through my Lily bed!"
Okay, it's sick. Wasn't that the heading???
Walt
Walter Murdock
Doorbell at a cathous erings. The madam goes to the
door, opens it, and looks out only to find a man with
no arms and no legs on one of them little roll-around
platforms you see beggars on once in a while...
Madam asks, "What do _you_ want here?"
Man says, "I want to get laid, dummy!"
Madam says, "What!?!?!? Look at you! No arms and no legs -
How can you do anything?"
Man replies, "Stupid bitch! _HOW_ do you think I rang
the doorbell?!?!?!?"
Sickest I know...
Walt
RKPRKP
What kind of meat do priests eat on Fridays?
Nun.
Butt-head
- "Thor? Who's that wimp?"
- "I disarmed the trap."
Loren Lasecki |"I see the girls go by,
U. of Alberta | dressed in their summer clothes /
Edmonton, AB, Canada | I have to turn my head until my darkness goes."
llas...@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca | -- 'Painted Black', The Rolling Stones
Gary Barth
loo...@shocker.ee.twsu.edu (LOO, TEOW LAI ERIC) writes:
> how about this for a variation on an old, old joke:
>
> this man dies, and having led a good, moral life, goes directly
> to heaven, being met at the heavenly gates by an angel.
>
> the angel takes the newbie on a guided tour around heaven. after
> touring around for some time, he notices this massive, high wall
> in the distance. quite perplexed, he asks the angel: "hey angel,
> what's behind the wall?"
>
> the angel says "shush! be quiet! that's where the muslims are ...
> they think they're the only ones here!"
>
> --
> Gary Dean; born 2nd June (Gemini), 1957 (Rooster) in Perth, Australia.
> Caucasian; Eyes Green, Spectacles; Hair Dark Brown; 183cm; 76kg.
> Heterosexual. Computer Programmer, Animal Health Technician, Goatherd.
> E-Mail ga...@asiapac.dialix.oz.au; Ph +61-9-3099395; Fax +61-9-3099386
Hey! Gary...you forgot your house address. Another candidate for Salman
Rushdie's room-mate.
************************************************************
* Gary Barth - epg...@email.mot.com flask...@aol.com *
************************************************************
* Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? *
************************************************************
Joe Terranova
In article k...@superb.csc.ti.com, jle...@dadhb1.ti.com (Jackson Leung) writes:
- Sorry, I do not have a sick one, but I did just hear a good one last
- Sunday:
-
- A Chinese Christian just died and went up to the Heaven. After an
- angel greeted him, the angel said, "Let me take you down to the Hell
- before we go inside the Heaven." Once they were there, the Chinese
- saw a huge table full of a big feast. However, everybody around the
- table looked real sad and starving. He asked the angel why. The
- angel said, "They only get a pair of 4-foot chopsticks and thus each
- one of them cannot feed oneself because the chopsticks are too long."
- Then, they went back to the Heaven and went inside. Again, the
- Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast just like that in the
- Hell and each person has a pair of 4-foot chopsticks too. However,
- strangely, everybody around the table looked happy and satisfied.
- The angel explained, "Simple, here in Heaven each one feeds another
- with the chopsticks, unlike those selfish ones down there."
Boy that was one funny religious joke. Maybe you meant to post to
rec.sermons.morals?
Objoke (Definition):
Decaffeinated (sp?) - cow who had an abortion.
Mr Mike Worling
Mr Mike Worling
: Here's a quickie::
: Walt
Another old one -
"Cross your legs,
I've only got one nail left!"
Jason ROWLEY
Okay, heres a pretty sick one.
Jesus walks into a Motel, slaps down his nails on the
reception desk and sez to the owner. 'Can you put me up for the night??'
Jason R.
William J McClatchie
: Okay, heres a pretty sick one.
: Jesus walks into a Motel, slaps down his nails on the
: reception desk and sez to the owner. 'Can you put me up for the night??'
: Jason R.
This years X-mas tree ornament.
Litle crosses with Jesus on them. Decorate your tree with
the proper attitude
Gregory B Meyer
St. Peter is doing a survey on how people died. As they approach the
heavenly gate he asks, "How did you die?"
A young fellow answers, "the big C"
St. Peter: "The big C?"
Young Fella: "Cancer" Peter writes this down.
An old guy comes up, St. Peter asks, "How did you die?"
Old guy: "The big H."
St. Peter: "The big H?"
Old Guy:"Heart attack." St. Peter writes this down.
A black hooker comes struttin' up. St. Peter asks, " How did you die?"
Hooker: "I died of the big G."
St. Peter: "The big G?"
Hooker: "Yeah, gonorhea."
St. Peter: "Gonorrhea can't kill you!"
Hooker: "It can if you give it to Leroy!"
Charles Martin
Jesus has been up on the cross for sometime when he lamely calls out for
Peter. Peter who has been keeping vigil some distance away here's this
pitiful call and dutifully walks toward the cross. The Romans beat the hell
out of him and throw him down the hill. While laying there collecting himself
he once again hears Jesus call out to him. He struggles up the hill only to
be once again beaten and bloodied by the Romans. With all his strength, Jesus
calls out PETER! Peter gathers several friends with pitiful weapons and they
fight their way to the foot of the cross where Peter looks upon the face of
Jesus and with tears in his eyes says "Yes, Lord, I am here, what do you desire?
Upon which Jesus looks down fondly upon his servants face and says "Peter, I
can see your house from up here!"
daveho...@gmail.com
> In article <36f13h$q...@netnews.upenn.edu> kp...@ssdc.sas.upenn.edu (Kevin Postlewaite) writes:
> >In article <CwuL1...@cs.dal.ca>, aa...@cfn.cs.dal.ca (Konrad Byers) says:
> >>
> >>Anybody got any sick religious jokes. Jokes about Jesus in particular?
> >
> >What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
> >
> >
> >
> >It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
>
> Why don't we all stick to stuff that's humorous. Do you think when
> Jesus sees this, he'll let you have an air conditioner when you get to
> hell? You can believe what you want, but I'd appreciate it if you refrained
> from insulting the guy that made me. Flame away, you anti-religion zealots,
> lately is people trying to push the envelope of right and wrong, merely
> for some imagined shock value.
Let us know how it goes, fanboy.