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Stupid 800 Numbers

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andy.russo

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Apr 2, 1993, 4:33:53 PM4/2/93
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This morning I thought about when I was working on a
project for the military, and they said they needed an 800 number.
So we suggested 1-800-NUKE-WAR.

Then I was thinking that a laser-surgery doctor might want the
phone number 1-800-SCROTUM.

Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?

If you've seen real 800 numbers that spell things out and might
be funny, send me a note with the number, name of the company, where
they are (if you know), and what their regular phone number is.
If I get some good ones, I'll post them, or write a letter to Dave Barry,
or call them all and not run up my phone bill, or something!

ObJoke (if you didn't think 1-800-SCROTUM was funny):
"I'm having a bad day. I started up the Norton Utilities and they said -
'Hey, wanna go shoot some pool, Ralphie Boy?'"

Thanks,
Andy Russo
# your .sig may vary. consult your owner's manual.

Marc Richard Cohen

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Apr 3, 1993, 10:40:50 AM4/3/93
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In article <1993Apr2.2...@cbnewsh.cb.att.com> an...@cbnewsh.cb.att.com (andy.russo) writes:
> This morning I thought about when I was working on a
>project for the military, and they said they needed an 800 number.
>So we suggested 1-800-NUKE-WAR.
>
> Then I was thinking that a laser-surgery doctor might want the
>phone number 1-800-SCROTUM.
>
> Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?

A few years back, there was a medical practice or company of some
kind that specialized in curing people who wet their beds. I don't know if
it was an 800 number or not, but their phone number certainly caught my
attention. It was:

1-800-STAY-DRY


Pleasant thoughts!

-Marc

Michael Alfonso Visconti

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Apr 3, 1993, 2:13:35 PM4/3/93
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In article <1993Apr2.2...@cbnewsh.cb.att.com> an...@cbnewsh.cb.att.com (

andy.russo) writes:
> This morning I thought about when I was working on a
>project for the military, and they said they needed an 800 number.
>So we suggested 1-800-NUKE-WAR.
>
> Then I was thinking that a laser-surgery doctor might want the
>phone number 1-800-SCROTUM.
>
> Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?


The one that always gets me is the "Hooked on Phonics" learn to read
kit. It's for the illiterate, right? So why do they *SPELL* out the
phone number (1-800-ABC-DEFG)?!? Who's the genius who thought this one
up?

---Mike

Jamie Lubin

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Apr 5, 1993, 10:42:52 AM4/5/93
to
> This morning I thought about when I was working on a
>project for the military, and they said they needed an 800 number.
>So we suggested 1-800-NUKE-WAR.
>
> Then I was thinking that a laser-surgery doctor might want the
>phone number 1-800-SCROTUM.
>
> Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?
>
> If you've seen real 800 numbers that spell things out and might
>be funny, send me a note with the number, name of the company, where
>they are (if you know), and what their regular phone number is.
>If I get some good ones, I'll post them, or write a letter to Dave Barry,
>or call them all and not run up my phone bill, or something!

True story:

Awhile back on Howard Stern's syndicated TV show, they were doing a bit about
Dr. Kevorkian (sp.?) at the end of which they said to call 1-800-MDDEATH

A few months ago, it was revealed that a N.J. travel/rental company was suing
them because of a loss of business resulting from thousands of calls to the
above number. Their number was 1-800-NEEDAVILLA!!!

Scott Anderson

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Apr 5, 1993, 12:22:00 AM4/5/93
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To: an...@cbnewsh.cb.att.com

a > This morning I thought about when I was working on a
a > project for the military, and they said they needed an 800 number.
a > So we suggested 1-800-NUKE-WAR.
a >
a > Then I was thinking that a laser-surgery doctor might want the
a > phone number 1-800-SCROTUM.
a >
a > Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?

Have you tried 1-800-CALL-SPY? Try it! Great prnak for friends!

... OFFLINE 1.41 * Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.

* Origin: Dark Knight's Table (1:282/31)

syl...@maple.circa.ufl.edu

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Apr 5, 1993, 7:10:34 PM4/5/93
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In article <73403974...@tdkt.kksys.com>, Scott.A...@f31.n282.z1.tdkt.kksys.com (Scott Anderson) writes:
> a > This morning I thought about when I was working on a
> a > project for the military, and they said they needed an 800 number.
> a > So we suggested 1-800-NUKE-WAR.
> a >
> a > Then I was thinking that a laser-surgery doctor might want the
> a > phone number 1-800-SCROTUM.
> a >
> a > Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?
>Have you tried 1-800-CALL-SPY? Try it! Great prnak for friends!

Try the American Society of Zoological Gardens, 1-800-CITY-ZOO. =)


Maurice E. Suhre

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Apr 5, 1993, 7:50:47 PM4/5/93
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In article <AfjS7Ta00...@andrew.cmu.edu> Michael Alfonso Visconti <mv...@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>The one that always gets me is the "Hooked on Phonics" learn to read
>kit. It's for the illiterate, right? So why do they *SPELL* out the
>phone number (1-800-ABC-DEFG)?!? Who's the genius who thought this one up?

Well, for starters it got you to remember the number :-)
Also, Hooked on Phonics might be also for *improving* reading skills,
as opposed to learning to read from scratch.

Hope this clears things up.

--
Maurice Suhre
su...@trwrb.dsd.trw.com

Keith Nugent

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Apr 5, 1993, 8:35:32 PM4/5/93
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No. I know someone who used it to learn to read. From
scratch. It's audio tapes with a book. The number is the dumbest
thing about the program. Fortunately, he knew that those were the
first letters of the alphabet (He'd heard his kids singing the
alphabet) so he took a shot at dialing 1-800-222-3334 and got it
right. He'd do the program at work so his family wouldn't find out
that he was illiterate. I helped him sometimes, but mostly he did it
on his own.

Hope THIS clears things up
--
== == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == ==
Don't read this. It's bad for your health. * Keith Nugent
I said not to read this! Stop it! Stop, Damnit! * I am God
What're you still reading for?!? Don't you listen?* But don't
email me if you actually read the whole thing. * worship me..
I wanna see how many people are rebels....heh.... * cuz I don't..
=============--------------==================-----------=============

Contract Richard H.

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Apr 6, 1993, 4:56:42 PM4/6/93
to

Perhaps not a stupid 800 number...

There was a billboard put up by the ad council that I always got a kick out of;

Illiterate?

Call 1-800- READ or something.

(In case you work for tha ad council... If I'm illiterate how am I going to
now what the sign says? Why not something simpler like 'Can't Read?')

Kind of like a friend of mine (a blond) who found some braille notes.
and put them on the bulleting board with a big sign which read 'BRAILLE NOTES'.

I guess you have to empathize with your audience.
j.

lysdexic and proud of it.

_____________________________________________________________________________
Jack Parker - Contractor |
Hewlett Packard, BSMC Boise, Idaho, USA| If you keep staring at it like that,
jpa...@hpbs2561.boi.hp.com | your nose is going to grow
(208) 323-5388 (W) (208) 384-1623 (H) | into the bark.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Clinton a Pierce

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Apr 7, 1993, 9:30:43 AM4/7/93
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In article <C52y6...@boi.hp.com> jpa...@mail.boi.hp.com (Contract Richard H.) writes:
>
>Perhaps not a stupid 800 number...
>
>There was a billboard put up by the ad council that I always got a kick out of;
>
> Illiterate?
> Call 1-800- READ or something.
>
>(In case you work for tha ad council... If I'm illiterate how am I going to
>now what the sign says? Why not something simpler like 'Can't Read?')
>
On the same note, how about the ads for a "Hooked On Phonics" (A nationally-
know reading program).... The phone number?

1-800-ABC-DEFG

If I couldn't read, then what are the chances that I'd know the alphabet
well enough to dial after hearing a radio commercial? (One-Eight-Hundred,
Aee-Bee-Cee-Dee-Eee-Ef-Gee)

PS: Their commercials NEVER mention that this is also 222-3334
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clinton A. Pierce | Cartesian Bear = Polar Bear after coordinate transform
cli...@world.std.com |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

$en...@brandonu.ca

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Apr 7, 1993, 10:54:29 AM4/7/93
to
In article <C52y6...@boi.hp.com>, jpa...@mail.boi.hp.com (Contract Richard H.) writes:
>
> Perhaps not a stupid 800 number...
>
> There was a billboard put up by the ad council that I always got a kick out of;
>
> Illiterate?
>
> Call 1-800- READ or something.


How 'bout 1-800-ABC-DEFG for a learn to read program. I believe this is the
number for the national reading council in the u.s.

Neil

Michael Alfonso Visconti

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Apr 7, 1993, 5:55:23 PM4/7/93
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su...@meltami.dsd.trw.com (Maurice E. Suhre) writes:
>
>In article <AfjS7Ta00...@andrew.cmu.edu> Michael Alfonso Visconti
<mv2a+@

>andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>>The one that always gets me is the "Hooked on Phonics" learn to read
>>kit. It's for the illiterate, right? So why do they *SPELL* out the
>>phone number (1-800-ABC-DEFG)?!? Who's the genius who thought this one up?
>
>Well, for starters it got you to remember the number :-)
>Also, Hooked on Phonics might be also for *improving* reading skills,
>as opposed to learning to read from scratch.
>
>Hope this clears things up.
>
>--
>Maurice Suhre
>su...@trwrb.dsd.trw.com

I have a few comments to make:

a) IT WAS A JOKE!!! Why is every body getting on my ass about this?!?
b) Hooked on Phonics is a joke; that infamous two hundred page book is
nothing more than a *LIST OF WORDS*. Just because you can read or say a
word DOES NOT mean you understand it.
c) Whoever thought *PHONICS* was a good way to learn to read the english
language must have been nuts. There are so many exceptions to the rules
that the rules aren't that useful.

OBJoke:
A wife is being driven nuts by her husbands incessant singing of
opera so she brings him to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, he thinks he's in an opera and never stops singing"
"Well, just let me have five minutes with him alone"
She goes into the waiting room and five minutes later the man walks
out and is no longer singing. They go home and things are great; he
sings only rarely and just for a few seconds. The wife calls the doctor
back to thank him.
"Doctor, thank you for curing him. What did you do to get him to
stop singing?"
"I gave him a smaller part"

(I know it was bad but hey, that's life)
---Mike

Chris Best

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Apr 8, 1993, 2:16:24 PM4/8/93
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> "Doctor, thank you for curing him. What did you do to get him to
> stop singing?"
> "I gave him a smaller part"

----------

Boy, I bet she was disappointed that night!

Duane

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Apr 8, 1993, 7:12:20 PM4/8/93
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Chris Best (c...@col.hp.com) wrote:
: > "Doctor, thank you for curing him. What did you do to get him to

: ----------


God Chris ... your not related to Maddi are you ... this one is pretty bad.

Hey I know ... send this one in to Maddi and I'll bet you she pees her pants
laughing at this one ... and YOU Guessed it ... she'll post it.

Cripe,

Duane

California Dreaming of a time when jokes were funny and women weren't in
charge of them.


J.J. Varley

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Apr 10, 1993, 5:31:41 PM4/10/93
to
In article <C52y6...@boi.hp.com> jpa...@mail.boi.hp.com (Contract Richard H.) writes:
>
>Perhaps not a stupid 800 number...
>
>There was a billboard put up by the ad council that I always got a kick out of;
>
> Illiterate?
>
> Call 1-800- READ or something.
>
>(In case you work for tha ad council... If I'm illiterate how am I going to
>now what the sign says? Why not something simpler like 'Can't Read?')
>

No, We'll know education in America is gone when someone puts ads for
Learning to read on the Internet.

Sarang Gupta

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Apr 11, 1993, 12:40:37 AM4/11/93
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>No, We'll know education in America is gone when someone puts ads for
>Learning to read on the Internet.

Actually, curing illiteracy should be simple. All we have to do is
run TV ads that say "Illiterates are ruining our country-- help wipe
them out-- send for our free brochure... call 1-800-DIE-ILR8... we can
stop the illiterate menace" ... that should get them reading REAL
quick :)


John Donald Schriner

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Apr 13, 1993, 5:37:31 PM4/13/93
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In <73403974...@tdkt.kksys.com> Scott.A...@f31.n282.z1.tdkt.kksys.com writes:

Or better yet tell them about the Polish joke line and encourage them to call
and hear the joke or the day. The number is 1-800-556-polz.

Scott Smith

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Apr 14, 1993, 3:06:59 PM4/14/93
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>> a > Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?
>>
>> Have you tried 1-800-CALL-SPY? Try it! Great prnak for friends!
>>
> Or better yet tell them about the Polish joke line and encourage them to call
>and hear the joke or the day. The number is 1-800-556-polz.
>
Then there is the on on the billboard on 205 East here in California:

1-800-lama-yes
This is some rancher advertising Llamas for sale, and everyone should have
one.

--
Scott Smith
di...@netcom.com

Roger Taranto

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Apr 14, 1993, 5:56:03 PM4/14/93
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In article <dionC5H...@netcom.com> di...@netcom.com (Scott Smith) writes:
> 1-800-lama-yes
>This is some rancher advertising Llamas for sale, and everyone should have one.

A one 'l' lama is a priest.
A two 'l' llama is an animal.
And a three 'l' lama is a mighty big fire.

-Roger

Ron McCaa

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Apr 15, 1993, 3:28:36 PM4/15/93
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[STUFF DELETED]

>>>
>>> a > Anyone else got any zany ideas for 800 numbers?
>>>
>>> Have you tried 1-800-CALL-SPY? Try it! Great prnak for friends!
>>>
>> Or better yet tell them about the Polish joke line and encourage them to call
>>and hear the joke or the day. The number is 1-800-556-polz.
>>
>Then there is the on on the billboard on 205 East here in California:
>
> 1-800-lama-yes
>This is some rancher advertising Llamas for sale, and everyone should have
>one.
>
>--
>Scott Smith
>di...@netcom.com

I heard a couple on the radio this morning.

800 TAX-1040 - Federal IRS Hotline

800 TAX-BEAR - Vermont Teddy Bear Orders

Ron

Panther's Midnight

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Apr 16, 1993, 10:28:01 AM4/16/93
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Ron McCaa (AS....@forsythe.stanford.edu) wrote:

: 800 TAX-1040 - Federal IRS Hotline

: 800 TAX-BEAR - Vermont Teddy Bear Orders

: Ron

And one more, for the folks who don't know their vocabulary very well...
1-800-824-QUIP

Charlie

--
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"This terminal is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone
to meet its maker. This is a late terminal. It's a stiff. Bereft of
life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the bench, it
would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and
joined the choir invisible. This is an X-Terminal!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I obtain precisely what I get." - Alexander Kaplan

jure...@lub001.lamar.edu

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Apr 15, 1993, 2:16:30 PM4/15/93
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At a restaurant in Virginia I saw a sign behind the counter which said:
Menus available in braille.


Elias

kje...@gothamcity.jsc.nasa.gov

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Apr 21, 1993, 8:06:46 PM4/21/93
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jure...@lub001.lamar.edu wrote:

: At a restaurant in Virginia I saw a sign behind the counter which said:
: Menus available in braille.

But you didn't really think that sign was for blind people -- they
couldn't possibly read it. That sign was for the seeing-eye dogs.

-- Ken Jenks, NASA/JSC/GM2, Space Shuttle Program Office
kje...@gothamcity.jsc.nasa.gov (713) 483-4368

"Even considering the improvements possible... the gas
turbine could hardly be considered a feasible application to
airplanes because of the difficulty of complying with the
stringent weight requirements."
-- US National Academy of Sciences, 1940

"It may not be possible to build a vehicle with single-stage-
to-orbit capability in the mid 1990s."
-- US National Academy of Sciences, 1990

Kevin Smith

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Apr 28, 1993, 1:56:57 PM4/28/93
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In article <1993Apr22.0...@aio.jsc.nasa.gov> kje...@gothamcity.jsc.nasa.gov writes:
>jure...@lub001.lamar.edu wrote:

>: Menus available in braille.

>But you didn't really think that sign was for blind people -- they
>couldn't possibly read it. That sign was for the seeing-eye dogs.

Even better: A McDonald's had that same sign posted at the DRIVE-THRU!
(Think about it a minute...)
--
________________________________________________________________
Kevin Smith | As a man thinketh, so
Mitsubishi Semiconductor | shall he be.

crush...@gmail.com

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Julian Andujar

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On Thursday, February 27, 2020 at 11:27:44 AM UTC-5, crush...@gmail.com wrote:
> 3019803056
yo wsp
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