Texas Humor? From recent issue of _UNIX TODAY_ - offensive to Anyone named "Billy-Bob" (rot 13)
Jim Brooking
> Yeah. Everyone know the best of the non-microbrewery beers is Coors. If you
> aren't going to drink Coors, you might as well drink Chimay Red. The cost
> ain't comparable, but it _is_ better! Otherwise, drink Coors.
You've got to be kidding. Colorado Koolaid? HA! Have some more quiche,
girls. Coors is to beer as Yugo is to Automobile: a pale shadow of an
attempt to emulate. And Coors Light? Well, dishwater watered down by
dishwater at best. Yecccch! Take it to alt.leave.it.to.beaver or
somewhere! AWFUL!
OB Joke:
Oxymoron: Coors Beer
HAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHA. HA. And my the fleas of 10**5 camels infest your
pubic hairs!
--
>8-} >:-) %\( 8^) :+/ |'[ ;-) :-O B^\ :-)
Jim Brooking........North Carolina Supercomputing Center.......(919)248-1145
Greg Panfile - Sun BOS Information Architecture
>... it's no wonder that most American beers
>taste like piss.
Yes, but whose piss do they taste like? And how do you know?!*}
Jeff DePolo
>In article <3...@happym.wa.com>, i...@happym.wa.com (Irving Wolfe) writes:
>> Yeah. Everyone know the best of the non-microbrewery beers is Coors.
>
>girls. Coors is to beer as Yugo is to Automobile: a pale shadow of an
>attempt to emulate. And Coors Light? Well, dishwater watered down by
>dishwater at best. Yecccch! Take it to alt.leave.it.to.beaver or
>somewhere! AWFUL!
Didja notice this guy didn't say what he drank? Probably Buttwiper.
Coors is one of the few decent brewers in the USA as far as I'm concerned.
Where else can you find a beer brewed with spring water, brewed, bottled,
and packaged all within the same complex, shipped out within 16 minutes
of being packaged, kept under refrigeration the entire time it's en
route, and has a brewer-imposed shelf duration that's less than half that
of any other major brewery in the USA? I've toured the Anheuser-Busch
plants in Ft. Collins and in St. Louis. By the looks of their breweries
and the cleanliness inside, it's no wonder that most American beers
taste like piss.
--
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Jeff DePolo N3HBZ Twisted Pair: (215) 386-7199
dep...@eniac.seas.upenn.edu RF: 146.685- 442.70+ 144.455s (Philadelphia)
University of Pennsylvania Carrier Pigeon: 420 S. 42nd St. Phila PA 19104
Jim Brooking
In article <28...@netnews.upenn.edu>, dep...@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Jeff DePolo) writes:
> In article <70...@alvin.mcnc.org> broo...@mcnc.org (Jim Brooking) writes:
> >
> >
>
> Didja notice this guy didn't say what he drank? Probably Buttwiper.
>
> (Various claims about Coors manufacturing process deleted)
>
Just goes to show the end isn't justified by the means!
I've toured the Anheuser-Busch
> plants in Ft. Collins and in St. Louis. By the looks of their breweries
> and the cleanliness inside, it's no wonder that most American beers
> taste like piss.
...including, of course, Coors.
Jeff DePolo
Cindy Crawford's.
Richard Barry Shrum
Reminds me of what one of Monty Python's troup (Eric Idle, I
believe) said:
Q: What does American beer have in common with having sex in
a rowboat?
A: They're both fucking close to water!
***Rick***
ps Does ne1 remember the name of the beer the McKinzey (sp?) were
involved with in _Strange_Brew_?
R.
Ken Berger
Some of my all time fav names for well known commercial brews...
coors = "sewers"
schlitz = "shits" as in it gives me the...
someone already mentioned buttwiper
how about "spud beer"
michalob = "gives me a load"
= "frontal lob"
busch = "i want some bush" (if she's offering you one)
rainer = "rain dog"
= "traineer" beer
= "raindeer"
oly = "holy"
give me a microbrew any day. full sail, widmier , ruby, sunset
jeremy c ronsen
A boy sat under the Anheuser Busch,
The rain, 'twas coming down in Schlitz,
He rose a sad Budweiser boy,
Pabst yes, Pabst no, Pabst yes.
--
Bubba th' Barbarian
The only Texan, Vegetarian Barbarian East of the Pecos
State Univ. of New York at Buffalo INTERNET: ron...@acsu.buffalo.edu
Et cetera. Ad nausium.
John Kerenyi
>>>... it's no wonder that most American beers
>>>taste like piss.
>>
>>Yes, but whose piss do they taste like? And how do you know?!*}
>
>Cindy Crawford's.
Why do you bring up Cindy Crawford? The reason I ask is because I've met
her, and she doesn't strike me as the kind of gal whose piss tastes like
American beer... :-)
John Kerenyi
William (Bill) Mayne
>
>busch = "i want some bush" (if she's offering you one)
>
Woman cusomer to male bar tender: I'll have a lite beer.
Bartender: Anhauser (sp?) Busch?
Woman: Fine. And how is your dick?
Seriously, of the widely distributed domestic brews I'd say Samuel Adams
can justify their claim to be the best beer brewed in America. At or least
its a viable contender. But it cost just as much as imports (more than some.)
Of the main stream less expensive beers I think Rolling Rock is one of
the most under-rated. But what do I know? One of my favorite cheap
brews is the domestic version of Carling Black Label. I actually
prefer it to many of the so called "premium" domestic brews. The pricing
suggests to me brewers must go to extra effort to make most domestics so
tasteless. I actually brew most of the beer I consume myself.
Is there a rec.beer newgroup we should be cross posting to?
Timothy G. Avery
BUSCH - I'll have a cold beer... or a warm bush!
Milwaukee's Best -- Try harder.
Old Mill -- Old Swill
Jeff DePolo
>> [blah blah blah]
>
>Yeah I find it amusing that Coors set up their second brewery on the east
>coast. Since they couldn't claim that the water they used there came from
>'A rocky mountain spring' they simply named a nearby hill, which they owned,
>Rocky mountain, and then continued to call it 'Rocky mountain spring water'.
Where is this second brewery? I live in Denver and frequent the Coors
plant. I was just there about 3 weeks ago and they still say on the
tour that it's the one and only Coors plant in the U.S. Note that
in Canada that Molson produces some of the Coors that is sold. That's
why Coors says that the Golden brewery is the only one in the U.S.
>Being shipped within 16 minutes is irrelevant, as AB has MORE breweries,
>and doesn't have to ship their beer nearly as far as coors does, hence,
>the beer you get from AB will STILL probably be more fresh than that
>from Coors, unless maybe you live in Golden.
Distance doesn't matter. It takes 28 hours to drive from Golden, CO
to the east coast. 28 hours of driving under refrigeration is a heck
of a lot better than 10 hours under no refrigeration plus warehousing
time.
BTW, there is a liquor store 3 blocks from the Coors plant that says
"Freshest Coors Anywhere" on it. Not true, either. You get 2 free
mugs of beer when you tour the brewery. I have to say that the beer
inside the brewery tastes incredibly good. Not sure why, but it does.
>Your comment on cleanliness confuses me. As I've understood Coors has
>had problems all along with health inspectors and health department
>personel. In fact, it was just last week when they were accused
>(correctly or not, I do not know) of dumping various nasties in Clear
>Creek. I too have toured both plants, and find the Fort Collins plant
>MUCH more clean.
I've lived in Denver for over 6 years and have never heard of a case
of Coors being accused of health violations. The only thing I remember
is the mouse-in-the-can story, that was proven a fraud. I don't think
a brewery with the size and reputation of Coors would be dumb enough
to dump waste into Clear Creek. Clear Creek isn't exactly the size
of the Mississippi. I toured the AB brewery soon after it opened.
Although the Coors plant is older and shows some signs of age while
th AB plant is only 2 (?) years old, from what I saw, the impression
I got was Coors had more strict cleanliness rules than did AB.
By the way, the Coors tour is more enjoyable, in my opinion. Also,
if you just want to go to the gift shop/bar area, you can opt to take
the "short tour" and they'll let you. Most of my tours have been
of this nature :-)
I know, I know. Take this discussion somewhere else. Gladly. Send
replies directly. I'm not out to start a flame war.
Here's the joke:
How many Irismen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to drink until the room spins.
--- Jeff
paul.a.bouchard
>Where else can you find a beer brewed with spring water, brewed, bottled,
>and packaged all within the same complex, shipped out within 16 minutes
>of being packaged, kept under refrigeration the entire time it's en
>route, and has a brewer-imposed shelf duration that's less than half that
>of any other major brewery in the USA? I've toured the Anheuser-Busch
>plants in Ft. Collins and in St. Louis. By the looks of their breweries
>and the cleanliness inside, it's no wonder that most American beers
>taste like piss.
>
Coors, and most other American "premium" beers as "wet air" {:-)}
I agree, though, that Coors is better than Bladderweiser!
BACS Data Communications Group
>A boy sat under the Anheuser Busch,
>The rain, 'twas coming down in Schlitz,
>He rose a sad Budweiser boy,
>Pabst yes, Pabst no, Pabst yes.
BEER
by Joyce Kiljoy
I think that I shall never hear
A poem lovelier than beer.
The stuff that Joe's Bar has on tap,
With golden base and snowy cap.
The stuff that I can drink all day
Until my mem'ry melts away.
Poems are made by fools, I fear
But only Schlitz can make a beer.
-- _MAD_ c. 1960
--
Frank re...@ucs.indiana.edu
Kevin D. Quitt
I had a boss from Czechoslovakia, who happened to be an expert at
appraising beer. He loved Coors. He told me "It's not beer, but it's
good".
--
_
Kevin D. Quitt demott!kdq k...@demott.com
DeMott Electronics Co. 14707 Keswick St. Van Nuys, CA 91405-1266
VOICE (818) 988-4975 FAX (818) 997-1190 MODEM (818) 997-4496 PEP last
96.37% of all statistics are made up.
Thaddeus Konar
> I had a boss from Czechoslovakia, who happened to be an expert at
> appraising beer. He loved Coors. He told me "It's not beer, but it's
> good".
A friend of mine from Germany loves hamburgers. He told me "It's not beer,
but it's good".
Thaddeus Konar
Thad...@cv.hp.com
Andy Soravilla
*>ps Does ne1 remember the name of the beer the McKinzey (sp?) were
*> involved with in _Strange_Brew_?
Elsinore?
Dave Polakowski
>plant. I was just there about 3 weeks ago and they still say on the
>tour that it's the one and only Coors plant in the U.S. Note that
>in Canada that Molson produces some of the Coors that is sold. That's
>why Coors says that the Golden brewery is the only one in the U.S.
>
at this time it is only a packaging plant. The Golden plant brews the stuff
and ships in bulk to the Tennessee plant, where it's packaged and shipped
to us mortals.
I also seem to remember that Coors was going to revise their label to say
"Brewed with pure mountain spring water," dropping the "Rocky" when the
new plant actually began brewing. Renaming the local mountain is news
to me.
For my 2 C<backspace>/ worth, I really liked Coor's Herman Joseph's, but
they quit brewing it at the beginning of this year. My private stash has
finally run out. :-(
OK, joke: Bumper sticker seen on a van:
I CAN READ YOUR MIND, AND YOU
OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
--
_-^-_ | Dave Polakowski (303)678-4700
/ O O \ | Solbourne Computer, Inc.
---((((---'---U---`---))))--- | Longmont, Colorado
"Dave was here!" | [po...@Solbourne.COM]
John G. Daneau,,,
in a canoe....F*ckin' close to water. The only real beer is only sold in
Germany and is not the import swill that you buy in the grocery store. The
next best thing is what we bring over the border from Canada, not imported,
what we carry over ourselves.
dumo the drunken.
WHY? --
Steve Cirian
>
> coors = "sewers"
> (stuff deleted)
Old Style = old pile, or old vile, brewed in the old world way know as
poisoning
Blatz = Blatz (enough said)
Old Mill = Old Swill
--
---- Steve Cirian 750 Tower Drive, Troy, MI 48007 (313) 265-5738
Night City was like a deranged experiment in social Darwinism, designed by a
bored researcher who kept one thumb permanently on the fast forward button.
_Neuromancer_ by William Gibson
Jeff DePolo
>In article <56...@vice.ICO.TEK.COM>, ke...@vice.ICO.TEK.COM (Ken Berger) writes:
>>
>> coors = "sewers"
>> (stuff deleted)
>
>Old Style = old pile, or old vile, brewed in the old world way know as
> poisoning
>
>Blatz = Blatz (enough said)
>
>Old Mill = Old Swill
= Old Mildew
Milwaukee's Best = Milwaukee Beast
= Milwaukee Death
Haffenreffer (sp?) = Haffenwrecker
Bud Light = Butt wipe
Given a choice of Dixie beer or Busch:
"Do you prefer cold Dix or warm Busch?"
--- Jeff
BACS Data Communications Group
>>> coors = "sewers"
>>> (stuff deleted)
>>
>>Old Style = old pile, or old vile, brewed in the old world way know as
>> poisoning
>>Blatz = Blatz (enough said)
>>Old Mill = Old Swill
> = Old Mildew
>Milwaukee's Best = Milwaukee Beast
> = Milwaukee Death
>Haffenreffer (sp?) = Haffenwrecker
>Bud Light = Butt wipe
Fallstaff = Foulstuff
My friends and I often visit the local junk-food junction for lunch.
We have pet names for the "restaurants:"
Long John Silver's = Long John Silverfish
Pizza Hut = Pizza Slut
Arby's = A-rabs
Steak 'N Shake = Snake 'n Shake
Taco Bell = Taco Hell (where tacos go when they die)
also known as The Mexican Phone Company).
--
Frank re...@ucs.indiana.edu
Vincent Fox - Mac Cluster Coordinator
>My friends and I often visit the local junk-food junction for lunch.
>We have pet names for the "restaurants:"
> Arby's = A-rabs
> Steak 'N Shake = Snake 'n Shake
> Taco Bell = Taco Hell (where tacos go when they die)
> also known as The Mexican Phone Company).
Or how about:
Dairy Queen = Dairy Queer
Burker King = Burger Thing, or the B.K. Lounge
--
Vincent Fox (That's Mr. Bucko to you)|"Fleshy-headed mutant, are you friendly?"
Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA | -Bob & Doug in 'Strange Brew'
SR-71: cca...@prism.gatech.edu |"I'm not a User Assistant, but I do play
Pony Express:...!gatech!prism!ccastvf| play one on TV." -me
Brian Crowley
>com...@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (BACS Data Communications Group) writes:
>>My friends and I often visit the local junk-food junction for lunch.
>>We have pet names for the "restaurants:"
>> Pizza Hut = Pizza Slut
>> Arby's = A-rabs
>> Steak 'N Shake = Snake 'n Shake
>> Taco Bell = Taco Hell (where tacos go when they die)
>> also known as The Mexican Phone Company).
>
>Or how about:
> Dairy Queen = Dairy Queer
> Burker King = Burger Thing, or the B.K. Lounge
>
McDonalds = Mickey D's Steak House
Kentucky Fried Chicken = Kentucky Fried Rat (has to do with a FOAF's aunt ;-)
#include <sys/std.disclaimer>
Clifford Mather
How about:
Kentucky Fried Chicken = Kentucky Fried Children
"...we do children right!"
Steve Cirian
Domino's Death Disks (the trucks are known as Domino's Death Disk Delivery
Devices)
Steve Wolfson
>How about:
>"...we do children right!"
Popeyes Fried Chicken, pronounce as Pope Yes
The Jester
>
>Domino's Death Disks (the trucks are known as Domino's Death Disk Delivery
> Devices)
Greasy Death in a Box.
The Jester
Dirk Lummerzheim
>>
>>Coors is one of the few decent brewers in the USA as far as I'm concerned.
>>Where else can you find a beer brewed with spring water, brewed, bottled,
>>and packaged all within the same complex, shipped out within 16 minutes
>>of being packaged, kept under refrigeration the entire time it's en
there spring water)
Do you know what Coors and making love in a rubber raft have in common?
Both is fucking close to water.
Russ Gilman
>> Taco Bell = Taco Hell (where tacos go when they die)
>> also known as The Mexican Phone Company).
>
>Or how about:
>
Taco Time = Taco Slime
Burger King = Booger King
-----------------------------------. .--------------------------------------.
| Russ Gilman-"ru...@cie.uoregon.edu" | My opinions are none of my business. |
| |
\ It's 11:00 pm. Do you know where your parents are? /
jeremy c ronsen
> we have Taco Bell = taco hell too, as well as
> Taco Time = Taco Slime
> Burger King = Booger King
>
what happenes when you live in Texas.
Let speaking dogs lie.
Don Bolton
>>
> we have Taco Bell = taco hell too, as well as
> Taco Time = Taco Slime
> Burger King = Booger King
Mc Dumps
Arf'ys
Pizza Gut
Papa Dildos (papa aldos take and rake pizzas)
Spendey's
Yo, if ya don't like it then bite my arby pal
oxymoron Fast food
Jure Marn/;093090
>Who really cares which american brew is best. They are all like making love
>in a canoe....F*ckin' close to water. The only real beer is only sold in
>Germany and is not the import swill that you buy in the grocery store. The
and hops ... really dull). Ever tried Belgian beers? Or
those brewed in Montenegro (Niksicko)?
>next best thing is what we bring over the border from Canada, not imported,
>what we carry over ourselves.
>
> dumo the drunken.
>WHY? --
--
Jure Marn
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
ma...@wright.seas.ucla.edu ! Kdor to bere ...
Thank you for flowers, flames and fun ! ... si zasluzi cigumi
RICHARDS ROBERT J
How about --------> Little Seizures (sp?)
Taco Bell = Taco Smell
Joke:
What do you get when one phenalia with another phenalia?
A pair-a-phenalia.
Stupid, I know.
Martin Mahan
I just recently came back to rec.humor after a severe flame match
last semester so excuse me if I mention something that has recently
already been mentioned fifty-million times.
I just noticed your fast food cuts and had to get in Vegas' opinion.
Pizza Hut-> Pizza slut
Taco Bell-> Snatcho smell
McDonalds-> McDog Doos
specialties: chicken McBoulders
Big Rock
Quarter Grounder
Jo Jo's -> Blow Joe's
(a piece of advice, don't order the patty melt!)
Naugles -> Dick's House
(in case you wondered, that's his first name.)
Subway -> Slobway
Just my two cents.
<=- <=- <=- -< Marty __ >- -=> -=> -=> -=> \\\ \\ \ \ /
<=- <=- <=- -< _______> >- -=> -=> -=> -=> \\\ \\ \ \/
<=- <=- <=- -< <__ >- -=> -=> -=> -=> /// // / \ /\ /
<=- <=- <=- -< Mahan >- -=> -=> -=> -=> /// // / \/ \/
Steve
Dead Lobster = Red Lobster
Pizza Slut = Pizza Hut
Noble Scrotums = Noble Romans
Little Sleazers= Little Ceaser's
Little Greasers
Domi blows = Dominoes
Wenchies = Wendy's
these are just off the top of my head, others?
l...@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com
Pound A Grossa = Ponderosa
Queery Dean = Dairy Queen
RAMBOB
Bill Kinnersley
l...@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com said:]
:
: Queery Dean = Dairy Queen
:
No no, that's Diarrhea Queen
(I was hoping you wouldn't make me say that.)
--
--Bill Kinnersley
Physics Department Montana State University Bozeman, MT 59717
INTERNET: up...@terra.oscs.montana.edu BITNET: UPHWK@MTSUNIX1
226 Transfer complete.
William M. Bumgarner
Taco Hell
Big Bird = Giant Eagle
Tim Bissell
!>Who really cares which american brew is best. They are all like making love
!>in a canoe....F*ckin' close to water. The only real beer is only sold in
!>Germany and is not the import swill that you buy in the grocery store. The
!^^^^^^^^ Garfield says: for the unimaginative (barley, yeast, water
! and hops ... really dull). Ever tried Belgian beers? Or
! those brewed in Montenegro (Niksicko)?
!>next best thing is what we bring over the border from Canada, not imported,
Yeah, its a bit like the difference between a German beer festival and
a British beer festival. In Germany they have two or three types, and you
go along and drink lots of your favorite. In Britain there may be seventy
or eighty different brews to try, with an amazing range of tastes, smells,
colours, strengths etc.
I would tie Britain with Belgium for the best beers in the world.
Obj. humour:
Try these names for size (I have drunk at least a pint of each, so they are
for real, from small commercial breweries all of them.)
Robinwood's Old Fart
Baz's Bonce Basher
Archer's Headbanger
Pendle's Witches Brew
Brain Damage
Tim.
--
Tim Bissell Tadpole Technology | (t...@tadtec.UUCP || ...!mcsun!ukc!tadtec!tjb)
Cambridge Science Park | "Is life worth living? DoD#174
Cambridge ENGLAND | That depends on the liver" CBR 600
Kelly Flores
Jack in the Crap = Jack in the Box
Booger King = Burger King
--
:-) :-) :-) :-) Kelly Flores <== a.k.a.==> kfl...@skat.usc.edu (-: (-: (-: (-:
:-) EXPERIENCE: the ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again. (-:
:-) DISCLAIMER: To err is human, to blame it on a computer is even more so. (-:
:-) :-) :-) "University Computing Services- Now UCS, Now You Don't" (-: (-: (-:
Kevin Strietzel
>>> Burker King = Burger Thing, or the B.K. Lounge
McWendy's == Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers (or whatever it is)
Wendy's Junior == Carl's Junior (they bought the Wendy'ses in Tucson)
Starrett
A friend of mine used to call that fast-food place
"Jack-in-the-Sauce".
I always personally liked "Dead Lobster".
--
"Not only is this incomprehensible,
but the ink is ugly and the paper
is from the wrong kind of tree."
(Prof. W.)
Bill Kinnersley
Sears and Roebuck == Rears and Sawbuck
Montgomery Ward == Monkey Ward
and one from the present:
K-Mart == Came Apart
John Eikanger
Red Robin = Dead Dobbin
Jeremy J Starcher
Rip off Shack = Radio Shack
WeeBee toys = Toys R Us
Rajeev Jog
Theftway = Safeway
Yucky = Lucky
----------
Bryan Wolf
>Can't leave this one out..
>
>Rip off Shack = Radio Shack
My favorites for Radio Shack:
"Radio Shaft" or "Rip Shack"
--
Sadly, most computer users eventually become / br...@tahoe.unr.edu
computer sellers to support their habits. / Bryan Wolf. whee.
Robert C. Whitehead
>>Rip off Shack = Radio Shack
>My favorites for Radio Shack:
> "Radio Shaft" or "Rip Shack"
We called "Radio Schlock" when I worked there...
There's also Chicken Shack.
Robert C. Whitehead
Intergraph Corporation
Huntsville, Alabama
Opinions expressed herein are mine and mine alone
Dave_Waller
Taco Smell = Taco Bell
McFondles = McDonald's
Burger Thing = Burger King
Chicken Shack = Radio Shack
Dave Waller \ The opinions expressed are solely my own, and in no way
Hewlett-Packard Co. \ represent those of my employer (but we all know
da...@hpdstma.ptp.hp.com | hplabs!hpdstma!dave \ they should!)
mark ashley
>In article <46...@tahoe.unr.edu> br...@tahoe.unr.edu (Bryan Wolf) writes:
>>>Rip off Shack = Radio Shack
I worked with a guy who once sold TRS-80's. He calls 'em TRASH-80's.
Charlie Gibbs
When my sister was a teenager, she worked at a local drive-in.
Specializing in hot dogs and root beer, it was called Dog 'n' Suds.
Insiders, though, referred to it as Arf 'n' Barf.
Charli...@mindlink.UUCP
"I've seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times,
and it keeps getting funnier every time I see it!" -- Beetlejuice
marty
>Other variations:
>
.
.
>McFondles = McDonald's
>Burger Thing = Burger King
McDeath;
Burger Death.
Marty
--
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