Ruthless Rhymes
ALVIN PHILPOTTS
Aunt Eliza fell--we must buy a filter."
or
"Nurse made toast by the fireside.
Nurse fell in the grate and died.
What made all these matters worse,
All the toast was burned with nurse."
or
"Little Willie in the best of sashes
fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly.
No one liked to poke up Willy.
I think these came from a very old tome called "Ruthless Rhymes
for Heartless Homes." Anyone know where these and other such
rhymes can be found?
Thanks.
--
Al Philpotts
Lt Colonel USAF
Air Force ROTC at Lehigh
Joseph C Fineman
Licked the mercury right off,
Thinking, in his childish error,
It would cure the whooping cough.
At the funeral, his mother
Smartly said to Mrs Brown
"'Twas a chilly day for Willy
When the mercury went down".
%^)
--
Joe Fineman j...@world.std.com
239 Clinton Road (617) 731-9190
Brookline, MA 02146
Harold Reynolds
Here's my contribution to the thread:
Willy saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays--
It rained Willy seven days.
I'll bet there's enough "ruthless rhymes" or "Little Willy" poems out there
for yet another sick Canonical List...
Harold Reynolds
r...@trsvax.tandy.com
And, of course, the one that gave them the name "Ruthless..."
Ruth and Jerry, side by side,
Riding through the country side.
The car hit a bump...Ruth hit a tree,
But Jerry drove on, Ruthlessly.
Neil Miller
>
>I'll bet there's enough "ruthless rhymes" or "Little Willy" poems out there
>for yet another sick Canonical List...
>
>Harold Reynolds
>
Here is my contribution:-
There was an old women who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
Her Uterus collapsed...
Sad nes't pas?
Neil A. Miller Internet: ne...@wibble.demon.co.uk
Equipu Plc, Bristol, UK. Compuserve: 100140,421
(Unix Guru *apparently!*) "This isn't anger its madness..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Woods
Here's one I heard:
Little Willie was a chemist,
Little Willie is no more;
Little Willie confused H20 with H2SO4.
and
Little fly up on the wall,
ain't you got no home at all?
Can't you see that wall's been plastered?
GET OFF OF THERE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
Mark Woods
woo...@lggate2.hq.af.mil
Data Rentals and Sales
>
>Here's one I heard:
>
>Little Willie was a chemist,
>Little Willie is no more;
>Little Willie confused H20 with H2SO4.
Try this:
Poor Little Willie
Little Willie is no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
(scans better)
--
_
Kevin D Quitt 96.37% of all statistics are made up
Larry Gilmore
Little Willie lit a rocket,
Put it in his father's pocket.
Then he told his cousin Dan,
"Papa is a travelin' man!"
--
Larry A. Gilmore Internet: gil...@venice.sedd.trw.com
TRW SEDD, DH5/2453
P.O. Box 6213 Phone: (310)764-9163
Carson, CA 90746 Fax: (310)764-3946
Johnson
=)In article <25...@hq.hq.af.mil> mwo...@lggate2.hq.af.mil (Mark Woods) writes:
=)>Here's one I heard:
=)>Little Willie was a chemist,
=)>Little Willie is no more;
=)>Little Willie confused H20 with H2SO4.
=)Try this:
=)Poor Little Willie
=)Little Willie is no more
=)For what he thought was H2O
=)Was H2SO4
=)(scans better)
Alas for little Willie,
We'll not see Willie more,
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
(sarcasm off)
Anyway, a related one I've always liked but don't for the life of me know why:
A green little chemist
On a green little day
Mixed some green little chemicals
In a green little way.
The green little grasses
Now tenderly wave
O'er the green little chemist's
Green little grave.
--
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| "Johnson" | Behind every absurdity there lies a basic truth. |
| joh...@wes.mot.com | Behind every basic truth there lies an absurdity. |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Motorola may share these views, but that's not where the smart money is. |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
CCHB
>.
More "Little Willy":
Little Willy shot his sister.
She was dead before we missed her.
Willy's always up to tricks.
Ain't he cure? He's only six.
Willy with a thirst for gore,
Nailed the baby to the door.
His mother said with humor quaint,
"Careful, dear. Don't mar the paint."
Little Willy with a shout,
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out.
Stomped on them to make them pop,
His mother said: "Now Willy, stop!"
Willy saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays -
It rained Willy seven days.
hb.
James Mitchell
<27JUN93.17...@vm1.mcgill.ca>
Organization: Eskimo North (206) For-Ever
In article <27JUN93.17...@vm1.mcgill.ca> CCHB
Willie was a scientist
Willie is no more
For what e thought was H O
2
Was H SO
2 4
bhmd...@altair.selu.edu
threw his sister in the well
said mother one day while drawing water
my its hard to raise a daughter
Johnson
=)<drsC96...@netcom.com> <1993Jun25.2...@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>
=)<27JUN93.17...@vm1.mcgill.ca>
=)Organization: Eskimo North (206) For-Ever
=)
=)In article <27JUN93.17...@vm1.mcgill.ca> CCHB
=)<CC...@MUSICT.MCGILL.CA> writes:
=)>In article <1993Jun25.2...@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>
=)joh...@comm.mot.com ("Johnson") writes:
=)>>In article <drsC96...@netcom.com>, d...@netcom.com (Data Rentals
=)and Sales) writes:
=)>>=)In article <25...@hq.hq.af.mil> mwo...@lggate2.hq.af.mil (Mark
=)Woods) writes:
=)>>=)>Here's one I heard:
=)>>=)>Little Willie was a chemist,
=)>>=)>Little Willie is no more;
=)>>=)>Little Willie confused H20 with H2SO4.
=)>>=)Try this:
=)>>=)Poor Little Willie
=)>>=)Little Willie is no more
=)>>=)For what he thought was H2O
=)>>=)Was H2SO4
=)>>=)(scans better)
=)>>Alas for little Willie,
=)>>We'll not see Willie more,
=)>>For what he thought was H2O
=)>>Was H2SO4
=)>>(Scans even better. Anyone got an improved spelling for "Willie?")
=)>>(sarcasm off)
=)>>
=)>>Anyway, a related one I've always liked but don't for the life of me
=)know why:
=)>>
=)>>A green little chemist
=)>>On a green little day
=)>>Mixed some green little chemicals
=)>>In a green little way.
=)>>
=)>>The green little grasses
=)>>Now tenderly wave
=)>>O'er the green little chemist's
=)>>Green little grave.
=)>
=)>More "Little Willy":
=)>
=)>Little Willy shot his sister.
=)>She was dead before we missed her.
=)>Willy's always up to tricks.
=)>Ain't he cure? He's only six.
=)>
=)>Willy with a thirst for gore,
=)>Nailed the baby to the door.
=)>His mother said with humor quaint,
=)>"Careful, dear. Don't mar the paint."
=)>
=)>Little Willy with a shout,
=)>Gouged the baby's eyeballs out.
=)>Stomped on them to make them pop,
=)>His mother said: "Now Willy, stop!"
=)>
=)>Willy saw some dynamite,
=)>Couldn't understand it quite.
=)>Curiosity never pays -
=)>It rained Willy seven days.
=)>
=)>
=)>hb.
=)>
=)
=)
=)Finally, the true Willie-chemist poem:
=)Willie was a scientist
=)Willie is no more
=)For what e thought was H O
=) 2
=)Was H SO
=) 2 4
And I thought we'd beaten that one to death. Well, just to round out
the thread, a couple more (I think the first one's been up lately)
Little Willie, from the mirror,
Sucked the mercury off
Thinking in his childish error
It would cure his whooping cough.
At the funeral his weeping mother
Sadly said to Mrs. Brown
"Twas a chilly day for Willie
When the mercury went down."
And the last one I remember:
Little Willy, in the best of sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly
But no one liked to poke up Willy.
--
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Kevin W. McAuley
>In article <C90x...@cs.dal.ca> har...@Gale.ATM.Dal.Ca writes:
>
>>
>>I'll bet there's enough "ruthless rhymes" or "Little Willy" poems out there
>>for yet another sick Canonical List...
>>
>>Harold Reynolds
>>
>
>Here is my contribution:-
>
>There was an old women who lived in a shoe
>She had so many children
>Her Uterus collapsed...
>
chevyn
Joseph C Fineman
"Women" was the theme he took.
Women were his only text.
Ain't he cute? He's oversexed.
CARRILLO,FRANCISCO JAVIER
> I think these came from a very old tome called "Ruthless Rhymes
> for Heartless Homes." Anyone know where these and other such
> rhymes can be found?
If you want dirty rhymes, pick up any of the earlier Andrew Dice
Clay tapes. Here is what I remember:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50 ... That fucking whore!!
Hickory, dickory, dock
This chic was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dumped my goo
And dumped the bitch down the next block
Mary, Mary
Quite contrary
Trim that pussy
It's so damn hairy
Little Boy Blew...he needed the money
Mary had a little lamb
She kept in her backyard
When she took her panties off
His wooly dick got hard
I know these rhymes might sound just a leeeeeeeeetle tiny bit offensive. :-)
--
" I will always beer rumming from the law" - Frank J.Carrillo -
CARRILLO, FRANCISCO JAVIER
Try to pronounce that !
Geoff Langdale
Drank some H2S04.
Johnny's father, a MD
Gave him CaC03.
Now Johnny's neutralised it's true
But he's full of C02.
From NewScientist, many years ago. I think it was in Ariadne...
--
Geoff Langdale (ge...@cs.su.oz.au or ge...@plan9.cs.su.oz.au)
--
Know, my friends, that when no more than eight years of age I had already
cultivated a remarkable habit of telling one big lie a year.
-"The Tale of Kafur, the Black Eunuch" (from the Arabian Nights)
ann....@gmail.com
We'll not see Willy more
Little Willy dressed in sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes
Presently the room grew chilly
For no one wanted to stir up poor Willy
Taught to me by my mother, who was born in 1908
Ann
San Francisco, CA
Ann C. San Francisco, CA
Little Willie, dressed in sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
Alas for little Willie,
We'll not see Willie more
was H2SO4