Duck Jokes?
Jamie C Pole
Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
anything anyone's got.
Jamie
Scott M Goeken
> Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
>anything anyone's got.
I have one but it is lame
A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk for some chap stick
the clerk says ok is that going to be cash or charge.
The duck replies just but it on my bill.
(told you it was bad)
smgo...@iastate.edu
Rahul Verma
to stamp out forest fires.
why do elephant have such big feet?
to stamp out burning ducks
then did you hear about the duck that went into a drugstore and said
"I'd like some chapstick please. Put it on my bill!"
Rahul
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Rahul Verma | This message made of 100% recycled electrons.
wo...@cmu.edu |
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H. Austin Hummel
|>
|> Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
|> anything anyone's got.
|>
Q: How do you get down off an elephant?
A: You don't you get down off a duck!
Every hear of an Elephant Down Coat?
Mark Goldhammer
Two farmers talking:
Farmer #1: MR DUCKS.
Farmer #2: MR NOT.
Farmer #1: OSMR! CM WANGS?
Farmer #2: WALL B! MR DUCKS!
Can you guess what they're saying?
hahahahahahahaha!!!! pretty funny, eh?
Ernie
>In <C2rL...@world.std.com> jp...@world.std.com (Jamie C Pole) writes:
>> Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
>>anything anyone's got.
I have one, but it's kinda long. Here goes...
This guy is from the city and one day decides to go hunting. He's been out
most of the day woth no luck and is about to give up and go home when He
shoots a duck!! Well, the duck falls, hits the roof of some guy's barn, and
falls into his yard. The city guy climbs the fence and is about to get his
duck when he looks up to see a rifle pointed in his face. On the other side
if the gun is the farmer Whose yard he is in."just what in tarnation do you
think you're doing??" Asks the farmer. The guy says "gee, I'm sorry, I just
shot this duck, and it fell into your yard. I was just retrieving it." and
he starts to reach down to get the duck. The farmer cocks his gun, and the
guy straigtens up. "Oh, no you don't," says the farmer "that there's MY
duck." The guy says "No, no, you don't seem to understand. I just shot that
duck. It's my duck!" The farmer says to him, simply "That duck fell and hit
MY barn, and into MY yard, that's MY duck." The guy is getting rather
exsperated. "Listen," he says."I jsut came out here from the city to do a
little hunting, and I shot that duck. I don't want a hassle, I just want to
get my duck and go home, ok?" So the farmer says, "ok, fine. We're going to
solve this country-style. Ok?" The guy just says, yes, in a hurry to get it
over with. The Farmer says "What we'll do is first, I'll kick you in the
nuts as hard as I can, then you'll kick me in the nuts as hard as you can,
then I'll go and so on. The last one standing gets to keep the duck." The guy
reluctantly agrees, seeing he has no other choice. So, the Farmer hauls off
and kicks the guy in the nuts. AAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Says the guy. (much pain and agony for several minutes)
Finally, the man recovers, gets up and says with menace "Ok, now its
MY turn." The farmer says to him... "Uh, son, you can keep the duck."
hee.
Rebecca S. Hoffman
Randy C. Cosby
>
> Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
> anything anyone's got.
>
>
>
>
> Jamie
>
Hey! I happen to be a duck and that offends me! try asking for jokes
that don't offend a particular...uh..uh..uh...uh...uh...uh.... LOSER!
COz
Randy C. Cosby
> In <C2rL...@world.std.com> jp...@world.std.com (Jamie C Pole) writes:
>
> > Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
> >anything anyone's got.
>
> the clerk says ok is that going to be cash or charge.
>
> The duck replies just but it on my bill.
>
Duck walks in wants a condom... clerk asks "Do you want to put
this on your bill?" Duck says...
"What kinda duck do you think I am?"
Apologies in advance for politically incorrectness to fowl!
COz
Jeff Barnett
|>
|> Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
|> anything anyone's got.
|>
Pacific Ocean and the duck ponds at the research center. A newbee
came in and, looking out my window, ask me where the ducks were. I
replied that they were all swiming by the administration building and,
therefore, I presumed that they had all became bureauQUACKS.
Jeff Barnett
TERRY MICHAEL AUSPITZ
>
> Does anyone out there have ANY jokes about ducks? I'd appreciate
>anything anyone's got.
--
_/ _/ _/_/_/ We *ARE* the meaning of life!
_/ _/ _/ _/ /Terry - tma4 Ben - bap5\
_/_/_/_/ _/ < Matt - mrp2 Sarai - ses3 >- @LEHIGH.EDU
_/ _/ \Steph - slr7 Jim - jfp0/
_/ _/_/_/_/ "So long, and thanks for all the fish"
*GRS9999102
I always saw it:
: CMRDUCKS
: MRNOT
:OSAR CMRWINGS
:LIB MRDUCKS
Though I guess thats just picking nits, isn't it?
BTW If anyone can come up with a good answer to this Knock knock joke I'd be
happy
Knock Knock
Whose there
Me
Me who
........
I've been trying for a while but can't think of anything good.
Christopher Kyle
Two bad jokes in one posting not bad! "Lame" duck joke!!! Like it!
cheers Chris
Rodger Edward Premeau
>happy
>
> Knock Knock
> Whose there
> Me
> Me who
> ........
>
titled, "Mewho with an Exactlywhat." I think it's in his book _Where The
Sidewalk Ends_. A really funny book.
Rodger
blo...@ronnie.cs.unlv.edu
CD ED BD Ducks?
MR Not Ducks.
MR 2 Ducks, CD ED BD Wings?
YIB MR Ducks.
^^^^^^^^^^^^BLONDIE
TERRY MICHAEL AUSPITZ
>> Whose there
>> Me
>> Me who
>> ........
>>
> I think Shell Silverstein did this joke the best. I believe his poem was
>titled, "Mewho with an Exactlywhat." I think it's in his book _Where The
>Sidewalk Ends_. A really funny book.
>
>Rodger
>
Ddoes* sound like Silverstein. I have the book, though, and it's not in there.
ObSilversteinPoem:
Won't You?
----------
Barbara's eyes are blue as azure
But she is in love with Freddy
Karen's sweet but Harry has her,
Gentle Jane is going steady.
Carol hates me, so does May,
Abigail will not be mine,
Nancy lives to far away...
Won't you be my Valentine?
-Silverstein
H. Austin Hummel
Oh, Say hello to Howard.
Nick Steel
An old lady walks into a this duck store, she asks
the seller : Please give me an Oragon Duck. The man goes inside
and gets her a duck. She grabs it and sticks her middle finger in its
butt, then smells her finger. She screams at the man: I told
you I want an Oragon Duck, not a Texas duck. The man goes back inside,
and gets her another duck. She sticks her finger in the duck's butt,
and screams again: I said an Oragon Duck, not Boston Duck. The man
goes back inside, finds a small tiny duck and brings it back to her.
She sticks her finger in the duck then smells her finger , and
goes: Yes, what took you so long, this is an Oragon Duck.
Then she goes to the man: They always give me the right duck here,
you seem to be new here. Yes, the man replied. She asked: And
where are you from young man? He goes: I really don't
know (sarcastically), drops his pants and asks her: Can you
please tell me where am I from?
Jimbo Harris
>This is only kind of a duck joke, so here goes:
>Two farmers talking:
>Farmer #1: MR DUCKS.
>Farmer #2: MR NOT.
>Farmer #1: OSMR! CM WANGS?
>Farmer #2: WALL B! MR DUCKS!
>Can you guess what they're saying?
A variation on this:
A: AB,CDEDBD DUCKS?
B: MNO DUCKS.
A: OSAR! CDEDBD WINGS?
B: LIB! MR DUCKS!
(must be said in a Southern accent to really work)
Jinx
Bart L. McJunkin
--
####################################################
A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
She says, "Bartender, give me a gin and tonic."
Bartender replies, "No dogs allowed in the bar. Go away."
She sputters, "But, but this is a DUCK."
Bartender replies, "I know that. I was talking about you."
####################################################
macleod heather
Or how about this one??
1: AB, CD puppies?
2: L, MNO puppies!
1: OSAR! CMPN??
Heather MacLeod And now .... for something
macl...@mach1.wlu.ca completely the same.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
confused--I think
Maria
ben elliston
> She says, "Bartender, give me a gin and tonic."
> Bartender replies, "No dogs allowed in the bar. Go
> away."
> She sputters, "But, but this is a DUCK."
> Bartender replies, "I know that. I was talking about
> you."
Doesn't it go .. "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the duck."?
Cheers, Ben
Alan Wilson
Maybe I'm fik, but I don't get any of this...
Alan
David C. Williss
Actually, there used to be a bar in Lincoln, Nebraska called
M. R. Ducks.
They had this joke printed on their menus. It was one of the
owner's favorites I guess.
--
-Dave Williss
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from!
The opinions stated above are those of a small fish that lives in my ear
Kevin D. Quitt
SVFX.
FUNEM?
SVFM.
OKILFMNX.
_
Kevin D. Quitt 96.37% of all statistics are made up. srhqla!quest!kdq
THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN
>
>>This is only kind of a duck joke, so here goes:
>>
>>Two farmers talking:
>>
>>Farmer #1: MR DUCKS.
>>Farmer #2: MR NOT.
>>Farmer #1: OSMR! CM WANGS?
>>Farmer #2: WALL B! MR DUCKS!
>>
>>Can you guess what they're saying?
>>
Farmer #1: THEM ARE DUCKS.
Farmer #2: THEM ARE NOT.
Farmer #1: OH YES THEM ARE! SEE THEM WINGS?
Farmer #2: WELL I'LL BE! THEM ARE DUCKS!
Ha! I like it!
--
Tom Schmidlin
TE...@LEHIGH.EDU
215-758-0872
Charles U. Farley
We have this hanging here on our fridge:
Arkansas 12th Grade Reading Test
1. A: MR DUCKS 3. A: MR FARMERS
B: MR KNOT B: MR KNOT
A: OSAR A: OSAR
A: CM WANGS A: CMMT POCKETS
B: LIB! MR DUCKS B: LIB! MR FARMERS
2. A: MR SNAKES 4. A: MR MICE
B: MR KNOT B: MR KNOT
A: OSAR A: OSAR
A: CMBDI'S A: CMEDBD FEET
B: LIB! MR SNAKES B: LIB! MR MICE
----------------------------------
-Jeff Wegher
jwe...@copper.denver.colorado.edu
H. Austin Hummel
ABCDELEPHANT
MNOELEPHANT
OSER
CDELEPHANTPN
Translation:
AB, SEE DE ELEPHANT
HIM no ELEPHANT
Oh yes he are
See De Elephant Peeing