Ugly Euphemisms
Peter mcgarrigle
no end of hilarity. I would like to share some of them in the hope I
may recieve some more...
Ten times uglier than punch
Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
Got a face like a bag of bolts
Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
Dipped in the ugly pond
Beaten with the ugly stick
Aesetically challenged
Have fun...
--
Pete [8-))
--------------------------------------------------------------
Peter McGarrigle, Computer Officer, UWCM, Cardiff.
"Beer. Not just a breakfast drink."
WWW: http://www.cf.ac.uk/uwcm/mc/psm/mcgarrigle.html
bike: 95 Yamaha XV535 Virago
Forrest Z. Marler
Dewey) wrote:
> Peter mcgarrigle (mcgar...@cf.ac.uk) wrote:
> : Ten times uglier than punch
> : Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
> : Got a face like a bag of bolts
> : Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
> : Dipped in the ugly pond
> : Beaten with the ugly stick
> : Aesetically challenged
>
> She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
Living proof that Indians fucked buffalos
(Please, no flaming)
--
Forrest "The Big Fuzzy One" Marler
vis...@shsu.edu
"Somebody get me some ice for my drink!"
-Last words of the captain of the Titanic.
BILL WATTS
FZM> Living proof that Indians fucked buffalos
I never knew thay had buffalos in India. I thought thay had sacred (or
is it scared?) cows.
... Ask questions. That's how you learn. Just be careful who you ask. ;-)
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20 [NR]
This space intentionally left blank
>Peter mcgarrigle (mcgar...@cf.ac.uk) wrote:
>: Ten times uglier than punch
>: Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
>: Got a face like a bag of bolts
>: Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
>: Dipped in the ugly pond
>: Beaten with the ugly stick
>: Aesetically challenged
>
>She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
A two bagger.
Medusa's 'before' picture.
A face that could make a freight train take a dirt road.
-- Mike "coyote ugly" Bartman --
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| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
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LATER..........AS IN MUCH!!
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Richard Lepage
>
>
>You're so ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
I think it was Flip Wilson who said:
"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right down to the bone!"
mike@%dcl-w-ivverb
>
>I think it was Flip Wilson who said:
>
>"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right down to the bone!"
No, that was Phylis Diller. She overheard a sailor say that to another
sailor as she walked by.
-- Mike "the second sailor had suggeted skinning her..." Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
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mike@%dcl-w-ivverb
>Forrest Z. Marler (vis...@shsu.edu) wrote:
>: In article <468eif$7...@nnrp2.nfs.primenet.com>, jde...@primenet.com (James
>: Dewey) wrote:><snip>
>
>
>WHich reminds me of an old joke which I heard for the first time earlier
>this year:
>
>One-bag ugly is where your date is so ugly you have to put a paper bag
>over their head.
>
>Two-bag ugly: one bag your the date, one bag for you so you don't have
>to look.
>
>Three-bag ugly: one for the date, one for you, and one for the dog so it
>doesn't have to look.
>
>Coyote ugly: Where you wake up in the morning and your arm is trapped
>under the body of a person so ugly you'd rather gnaw your arm off like a
>coyote in a leghold trap so you don't wake them up and have to look at them
>before you leave.
So, how's the arm collection coming?
-- Mike "ugly is in the eyes of the beholder" Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
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Steve Drost
: -=> Quoting Forrest Z Marler to All <=-
:
: FZM> Living proof that Indians fucked buffalos
: Nope, don't think so. Buffalos are pretty nasty when riled. They have
: horns, run pretty fast, kick too hard not to mention their assholes are
: way too high off the ground. Can't be done I tell you.
: PS I don't want to see any pictures as proof if you succeed.
:
I would, however, like to see the pictures you have if you have
documentation explaining how you know your subject matter so well.
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve Drost "They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom
Dordt College DC 338 For trying to change the system from within
Sioux Center, IA. I'm coming now, I'm coming to reward them
51250 First, we take Manhattan...
lcs...@cc.dordt.edu ...then we take Berlin."
-Leonard Cohen
V I S U A L I Z E W H I R L E D P E A S ! !
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Frank DeGagne
RLep...@hrb.class@pwc.hdq (Richard Lepage) wrote:
>In article <46moft$3...@cliff.island.net>, fdeg...@island.net says...
>>
>>
>>You're so ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
>
>
>
>"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right down to the bone!"
>
And "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet" or something like that
Steve Drost
: You're so ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
... he looked at your butt and said, "Twins!"
BILL WATTS
-=> Quoting Forrest Z Marler to All <=-
FZM> Living proof that Indians fucked buffalos
Sw> Nope, don't think so. Buffalos are pretty nasty when riled. They
Sw> have horns, run pretty fast, kick too hard not to mention their
Sw> assholes are way too high off the ground. Can't be done I tell you.
^^^
-=> Quoting Chief Fuffalo Bucker to Swgarrett <=-
Soundum like Great White Chief been there, Kemo Sabe. Me thinkum Great
White Chief tryum WRONG hole, though. No wonder buffalo runum and kickum.
Ugh! Eh? (Me come from Canadian side of river, eh.)
Paul W. Carter
exact), RLep...@hrb.class@pwc.hdq (Richard Lepage) wrote:
>
>I think it was Flip Wilson who said:
>
>"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right down to the bone!"
>
Heard this one on a "Firesign Theatre" album ages ago - it was on some
kind of 'List of Insults' track or something:
"It can be said that his or her physiognomy poses an ongoing threat to
the continued operation of assorted time-keeping devices"
In other words, they're ugly enough to stop a clock!
--
Paul Carter
pwca...@fred.net
(Public PGP key available upon request)
"There is no dark side of the Moon, really. Matter of fact, it's ALL dark!"
swga...@mmm.com
lcs...@dordt.edu (Steve Drost) writes:
>swga...@mmm.com wrote:
>: -=> Quoting Forrest Z Marler to All <=-
>:
>: FZM> Living proof that Indians fucked buffalos
>: Nope, don't think so. Buffalos are pretty nasty when riled. They have
>: horns, run pretty fast, kick too hard not to mention their assholes are
>: way too high off the ground. Can't be done I tell you.
>:
>I would, however, like to see the pictures you have if you have
>documentation explaining how you know your subject matter so well.
>
Andrew Rodgers
: Forrest Z. Marler (vis...@shsu.edu) wrote:
: : In article <468eif$7...@nnrp2.nfs.primenet.com>, jde...@primenet.com (James
: : Dewey) wrote:
: : > Peter mcgarrigle (mcgar...@cf.ac.uk) wrote:
: : > : Ten times uglier than punch
: <snip>
: Coyote ugly: Where you wake up in the morning and your arm is trapped
: under the body of a person so ugly you'd rather gnaw your arm off like a
: coyote in a leghold trap so you don't wake them up and have to look at them
: before you leave.
Yeh, and whatever you do, don't pretend to gnaw your arm off when you think she
is asleep...
--
Andrew Rodgers
and...@wormald.com.au
Lord, grant me the serenety to accept the things that I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies
of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
Kevin Niederberger
::: Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
:: Got a face like a bag of bolts
:: Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
:: Dipped in the ugly pond
:: Beaten with the ugly stick
:: Aesetically challenged
:
:She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
She has a kind face - the kind you break rocks on!
Robert McGhee
How about:
she's so ugly she scares a buszzard off a gut wagon.
looks like un unsuccessful icepick abortion.
<Maz>
> Date: 30 OCT 1995 04:21:04 GMT
> From: Robert McGhee <mcg...@cris.com>
> Newgroups: rec.humor
> Subject: Re: Ugly Euphemisms
>
> niederberg...@bhp.com.au (Kevin Niederberger) wrote:
> >In article <468eif$7...@nnrp2.nfs.primenet.com>, jde...@primenet.com says...
> >:
> >:Peter mcgarrigle (mcgar...@cf.ac.uk) wrote:
> >:: Ten times uglier than punch
> >:: Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
> >:: Got a face like a bag of bolts
> >:: Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
> >:: Dipped in the ugly pond
> >:: Beaten with the ugly stick
> >:: Aesetically challenged
> >:
> >:She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
> >:
> >
> >She has a kind face - the kind you break rocks on!
> >:Got a face like Peter McGarrigle.
Cliff Haynes
Ten times uglier than punch
Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
Got a face like a bag of bolts
Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
Dipped in the ugly pond
Beaten with the ugly stick
Aesetically challenged
She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
She has a kind face - the kind you break rocks on!
down.
Ugly as a mud fence.
Ugly as ten miles of bad road.
She'd make a pit bull climb a plate-glass window.
To add to it:
From an old song;
"Yo' wife is soooo ugly, she's "ruint'." (ruined)
---
--
|Fidonet: Cliff Haynes 1:343/108.19
|Internet: sa...@snoval.com
|
| Standard disclaimer: The views of this user are strictly his own.
Mark D. Vanderbilt
>In article <468eif$7...@nnrp2.nfs.primenet.com>, jde...@primenet.com says...
>:
>:Peter mcgarrigle (mcgar...@cf.ac.uk) wrote:
>:: Ten times uglier than punch
>:: Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
>:: Got a face like a bag of bolts
>:: Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
>:: Dipped in the ugly pond
>:: Beaten with the ugly stick
>:: Aesetically challenged
>:
>:She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
>:
>She has a kind face - the kind you break rocks on!
She has a face about as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.
fp...@dial.pipex.com
>got a face like a yetti's flip flop
got nipples like a blind cobblers thumb
got nipples like chappel hat pegs
got tits like spaniels ears
fp...@dial.pipex.com
>
>Coyote ugly: Where you wake up in the morning and your arm is trapped
>under the body of a person so ugly you'd rather gnaw your arm off like a
>coyote in a leghold trap so you don't wake them up and have to look at them
>before you leave.
and double coyote ugly is when you gnaw your other arm off to be
completely sure that you don't get into the same situation a second
time.
Owlman
everywhere she went so she didn't have to kiss her goodbye!
Stuart McAndrew
Face like a well skelped arse
Face like a melted welly
Face like a well chewed toffee
Face like the back of a bus
(for use on females)
houker (pronounced how-KER)
for anyone
mingin (pronounced ming-IN)
Steg (unwashed)
Stu.
"Any mare o' yer cheek an' I'll skud ye wan!" Scottish mum to child.
Sure we've got funny accents and funny sayings, but it's great up here!
TIGER
>
>In article <46o1q5$2...@piper.Pwc-Tpc.ca>,
> RLep...@hrb.class@pwc.hdq (Richard Lepage) wrote:
>>In article <46moft$3...@cliff.island.net>, fdeg...@island.net says...
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>>"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right down to the bone!"
>>
>
The last one can be chalked up to Winston Churchill:
When encountered in an intoxicated state in the halls of Westminster by a
lady, who said, "Winston you're drunk!"
To which he replied, "And you're ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning."
....True story
TIGER
Frank DeGagne
>In article <46mqki$f...@news.infoserve.net>,
> ka...@unix.infoserve.net (K Ford) wrote:
>
>>
>>Coyote ugly: Where you wake up in the morning and your arm is trapped
>>under the body of a person so ugly you'd rather gnaw your arm off like a
>>coyote in a leghold trap so you don't wake them up and have to look at them
>>before you leave.
>
>
find
>you when she is looking for a guy with one arm!
Why not avoid all this 'Gnawing' shit, before passing out, slide a nice piece
of tubing around both arms so that in the morning, to avoid waking her, simply
'slide' your arm(s) out of the tubing, and voila! No stumps!
Andrew Rodgers
:
:
: Ten times uglier than punch
: Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
: Got a face like a bag of bolts
: Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
: Dipped in the ugly pond
: Beaten with the ugly stick
: Aesetically challenged
: She has a face that could sink a thousand ships...
: She has a kind face - the kind you break rocks on!
: Ugly as a mud fence.
: Ugly as ten miles of bad road.
: She'd make a pit bull climb a plate-glass window.
Looks like she'd been attacked by a team of Babe Ruths swinging ugly sticks.
--
Andrew Rodgers
and...@wormald.com.au
zpwil...@trident.tec.sc.us
>
>
> Ten times uglier than punch
> Got a face like a rat-catcher mallet
> Got a face like a bag of bolts
> Got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
> Dipped in the ugly pond
> Beaten with the ugly stick
Snip snip snip
She's the poster child for planned parenthood
Mark
>
ke...@mail.bogo.co.uk
a nettle.
ROGER BARNARD
'Double bagger'....
one for her head
and one for yours,
just in case hers comes off!!
RogerB
* 1st 2.00 #8319 * A deadline has a marvelous ability to concentrate the mind.
E. Paul Mayhan
--
Paul Mayhan- Any resemblance to any normal person, living or dead, is
purely coincidental.