funniest moment ever on a show
Larry Polnicky
>
> In article <4i2bdf$24...@ns1-1.CC.Lehigh.EDU> , de...@Lehigh.EDU writes:
> >The dog (off-camera) jumps out a window. Howard looks sheepish and slithers
> >away.
>
> Then I'll have to assume roadkill puts you in hysterics. As a pet owner
> of many years, I don't find this remotely amusing...
Sheeesh, lighten up! You PETA people just take shit way, way too seriously.
After all, we are talking about a fictional dog living in a celluloid world.
(I am a pet owner too, if that matters.)
Perhaps you will like this one: A couple of carpet layers are installing new
carpeting in the home of a pompous rich woman. They get the carpet all layed
and one of them can't find his pack of cigarettes. He checks his pockets,
etc., until finally his buddy spots a lump under the carpet. "Shit, he says,
we better handle this before that rich bitch sees it." He goes to pull the
carpet away from the wall when his buddy says, "Wait, I have an easier way."
He takes his hammer and pounds the lump flat. Just then, the woman comes in
and asks frantically, "Have you seen my toy poodle?! Fluffy is missing!!"
--
Larry Polnicky
lpol...@mar.lmco.com
"I deal with temptation by yielding to it."
--attributed to Mark Twain
Kevin W. Williams
but one of my favorites is from Taxi, when Jim was addicted to Pac Man. He
said something like, "I don't know why I play this game. Flashing lights.
Throbbing music. Monsters chasing me. I get enough of that in real life."
chakravorty bonnie jean
the gay bar
Beau Pankiw
or, how about the time when Latka baked some cookies with "questionable"
contents and when they asked Jim if he could recognize it, he could:
down to the geographic slope of the hill in the city of the county of
Columbia.
Chris Feist
drivers test.
Jim (whispering): "What does a yellow light mean?"
Cabbies: "Slow down."
Jim: "Okay. Whaat dooes a yeelloow liight mean."
Cabbies: "Slow down."
Jim: "Whaaat doooees aaa yeellloooww liight meeean."
Cabbies: "Slow down!"
Jim: "WHAAAAAT DOOOEEEESS AAAAA YYEEEELLOOOWW LLIIIIGHTTT MEEEEAANN!"
It gets me every time.
Chris
clarkovsaturn
o 6:30 pm Eastern 5:30 pm Central 4:30 pm Mountain 3:30 pm Pacific o
o Saturday March 23 on CABLE TV-- ME/U watch me make a fool of me o
o GEN X GERMAN--whacked fun starring Clark ov Saturn o
o clark ov saturn: http://164.92.26.37/ o
o call 1-800-777-MIND if you don't know if your cable system get ME/U o
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
miami
How about on WKRP when Less Nessman said:
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
Web Crawler
'cap...@gate.net (miami)' wrote:
>
>How about on WKRP when Less Nessman said:
>
>"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
That one was great!! Do you remember Dr. Fever & the "Telephone Police"?
Web Crawler
Paige Miller
>In article <4irv8u$p...@kirin.wwa.com>,
> kev...@wwa.com (Kevin W. Williams) wrote:
>>I haven't seen the epsiode for a long time, so the quote may not be exact,
>>but one of my favorites is from Taxi, when Jim was addicted to Pac Man. He
>>said something like, "I don't know why I play this game. Flashing lights.
>>Throbbing music. Monsters chasing me. I get enough of that in real life."
>or, how about the time when Latka baked some cookies with "questionable"
>contents and when they asked Jim if he could recognize it, he could:
>down to the geographic slope of the hill in the city of the county of
>Columbia.
For the funniest moment ever on a TV show, I'd vote for the funeral
scene "Chuckles The Clown" epsiode of the Mary Tyler Moore show. Mary
just couldn't stop laughing, making every else uncomfortable, until
the preacher pointed out that Chuckles would have wanted every to
continue laughing, at which point Mary burst out into tears.
Second on my list is the finale of the show “Newhart”, in which Dick
Loudon, of "Newhart", is just a dream of another Bob Newhart character
from the "Bob Newhart Show." Well, you had to see it. It was truly
hysterical.
+----------------------------------------+----------------------------+
| Paige Miller | "Aaaah, what's up, Doc?" |
| Str...@netacc.net | -- Bugs Bunny |
+----------------------------------------+----------------------------+
Dan Pearl
Basil gets wind that there's three hotel inspectors in town. Basil goes
crazy, sucking up to his guests because any one of them might be an
inspector. At the end of the episode, he discovers that one obnoxious and
fussy guest is not an inspector at all, Basil exacts his revenge on the
guest in a physical and humiliating way (involving a cream pie).
All this is witnessed by the three inspectors, who, having just arrived,
are standing by the check-in counter, stunned, aghast, and shocked.
Basil: Now, what can I do for you three gentlemen..........AUGHHHHH!!!!
(Blackout)
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan Pearl ** Stratus Computer, Inc. ** pe...@sw.stratus.com
I represent the views of my employer. [*WHAP!*] NO HE DOESN'T
Carol Recher
:Second on my list is the finale of the show “Newhart”, in which Dick
:Loudon, of "Newhart", is just a dream of another Bob Newhart character
:from the "Bob Newhart Show." Well, you had to see it. It was truly
:hysterical.
Yes!!!! That was the BEST finale I've ever seen!!!!
-------------
Carol
Battle Creek, Michigan
Scott R. Eckelman
: In article <4irv8u$p...@kirin.wwa.com>,
: kev...@wwa.com (Kevin W. Williams) wrote:
: >I haven't seen the epsiode for a long time, so the quote may not be exact,
: >but one of my favorites is from Taxi, when Jim was addicted to Pac Man. He
: >said something like, "I don't know why I play this game. Flashing lights.
: >Throbbing music. Monsters chasing me. I get enough of that in real life."
: or, how about the time when Latka baked some cookies with "questionable"
: contents and when they asked Jim if he could recognize it, he could:
or when he's taking his driving test:
Jim: Psst - what does a yellow light mean?
Alex: Slow down.
Jim: What...does...a...yellow...light...mean?
Alex; Slow down!
Jim: What.....does.....a.....yel.....low.....light.....mean?
--
Scott E.
"Disclaimers? We ain't got no disclaimers. We don' need no disclaimers.
I don' have to show you any stinkin' disclaimers!"
Dan Braithwaite
I was tempted to mention the "phone cops" episode as well.
As with Taxi and Barney Miller and Soap, there are quite a few very very funny
moments on WKRP.
1) Johnny convinces Herb that Jennifer is the result of the most cunning and
successful sex-change operation in history. Johnny finishes his
pitch and Herb opens the door to look at Jennifer. She notices Herb
and moves towards him to see what he wants, only to have him quickly
shut the door.
2) Johnny and Venus do the drunk test.
3) (Early ep.) The radio station has a preacher who does commercials for his
own merchandise (e.g. (i think) last supper steak knives). Management
gives him an ultimatum, quit selling stuff or else, and he escalates
to selling redemption/ticket-to-heaven (??special term??). Only truly
funny if you, like me, enjoy making fun of the Southern TV preachers.
4) The softball game against the rival station.
5) Hoodlum rock ep.
6) Johnny wants to buy a condo in gone with the wind estates then wises up.
To get out of his contract he claims he and venus are gay and plan
to "live" in the hot tub and that venus will love it as soon as he
gets over that "slavery bugaboo".
others have been mentioned.
--
dan braithwaite, email: da...@hwr.arizona.edu
computer programmer, Dept. of Hydrology
University of Arizona
Ph: (520) 621-9944, Fax: (520) 621-1422
Slyguy
Johnny Carson was still the host. Rachel Welch was the guest. She comes
out in this slinky, CF me dress, carrying a white cat. She sits down, and
after a few minutes of catcalls and hooting from the audience, Rachel asks
Johnny, "Do you want to pet my pussy?" Johnny replies, "I'd love to, but
you'll have to move your cat." The audience went wild...and Johnny was
slapped with a lawsuit, but it was hysterical nonetheless.
--
The dirtiest line ever said on TV:
"Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night",
June Cleaver, ca. 1965.
JC Woodard
the day friends is canceled for stupidity - now that will be FUNNY!
William Sakovich
song, the theme from "The Way We Were", by Streisand. It starts off,
"Memories..."
A little girl sings the song, and old black man sings the song...over
the course of the half hour, *everybody* sings the song.
Time for the last contestant. A young lady, blonde, attractive, with a
bust of more than 40 inches, daring decolletage...
She begins to sing, "Mammaries..."
I nearly choked on my sandwich.
- Bill Sakovich (sako...@gol.com)
Dr Nancy's Sweetie
> My fave funniest moment has to be that episode of the Tonight Show when
> Johnny Carson was still the host. Rachel Welch was the guest. She comes
> asks Johnny, "Do you want to pet my pussy?" [...] "Move the cat."
This is an urban legend; Jan Brunvand mentions it in one of his books.
It never happened. (Neither did the `Newlywed Game' story which ends with
the line "That'd be the b*tt, Bob.")
Darren F Provine / kil...@copland.rowan.edu
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but people usually believe the fiction."
Steve Simmons
> How about on WKRP when Less Nessman said:
>
> "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
It was Mr. Carlson, and I always think of that line whenever
I make a mistake...
David E Romm
The episode of Mork and Mindy, where Exidor and Mork are sharing the same
jail cell, and Exidor gets enthusiastic about his new religion: "I
worship... The Juice!" And he shows his OJ Simpson jersey. Probably not
as funny now, but that whole sequence was hysterical at the time.
The Carol Burnett Show, during "As The Stomach Turns". She's getting her
fortune read, and the fortune teller is flipping over cards for the
reading. (dialog very approx)
"An eight of hearts. Ah."
"Is that good"
"Yes, it means you will be lucky in love. Hmm. A black nine."
"Yes, yes!"
"Not so good. It means you will do poorly in a business deal."
"Go on."
"A black ace! Oh no"
"Tell me what it means!"
"I can't. It's too... oooh, a black ace!"
At that point the doorbell rings. Carol goes to answer it and standing
there is... an African American in a WWI flyers outfit.
All In The Family: The bunkers are being visited by Sammy Davis Jr. At
the end, he requests a picture. He stands next to a very uncomfortable
Archie, and just as the pic is being snapped, Sammy puckers up and kisses
him.
Mad About You: The episode where they're tracing why Paul hates his
birthday, done in flashbacks, going back and then forward to the present.
I'm not sure I could pull one moment from the show, because it had so many
and they didn't stop to savor any of them. The best written episode on an
outstandingly well written show.
--
Shockwave radio: Science Fiction/Science Fact
http://www.winternet.com/~romm
"To conclude, let me finish by ending." -- Tonight Show w/Carson
Bruce L. Stimpson
>
> It has to be Fawlty Towers. Episode "The Hotel Inspectors".
>
> Basil gets wind that there's three hotel inspectors in town. Basil goes
> crazy, sucking up to his guests because any one of them might be an
> inspector. At the end of the episode, he discovers that one obnoxious and
> fussy guest is not an inspector at all, Basil exacts his revenge on the
> guest in a physical and humiliating way (involving a cream pie).
>
> All this is witnessed by the three inspectors, who, having just arrived,
> are standing by the check-in counter, stunned, aghast, and shocked.
>
> Basil: Now, what can I do for you three gentlemen..........AUGHHHHH!!!!
> (Blackout)
>
Fawlty Towers was one of the best television shows ever broadcast. My
favorite episode (although many tie for second) is when Basil is
convinced that a male guest has a young girl in his room, and tries to
catch him in the act. The interaction between Basil and his wife (and
Manuel) is hilarious.
-Bruce.
David Anderson
explains to all the little children where babies come from. I was
sitting in terror as she began and by the time she was done I was
rolling on the floor.
Dave
Alex M
>
>
> Fawlty Towers was one of the best television shows ever broadcast. My
> favorite episode (although many tie for second) is when Basil is
> convinced that a male guest has a young girl in his room, and tries to
> catch him in the act. The interaction between Basil and his wife (and
> Manuel) is hilarious.
>
> -Bruce.Fawlty Towers has made me laugh more than any other show or movie ever.
The funniest part ever? Hmmm..Probably "the blue handprint" (I
think it's the same episode as above) although I've only seen 8 of the 12
episodes (a situation soon to be rectified.) Second funniest I would say
would be "He's from Barcelona" Manuel and his Siberian Hamster/pigeons in
the water tank seen.
Al Bundy
Cheers, when Cliff was on Jeopardy and his Final Jeopardy question
(talking about 3 people who have something in common) was
"Who are 3 people who have never been in my kitchen?"
He risked all of his 20 grand (or thereabouts) and was left with nothing.
And then watching him argue that he was right (which he was).
-Jeff
home page-----> http://www.columbia.edu/~jp130
email---------> jp...@columbia.edu
telephone-----> (212) 853-4463
"Man, all I've got to say is two words: We've got to play harder."
-John Starks, after the Knicks
got blown out by Charlotte.
Bruce F. Thatcher
>My fave funniest moment has to be that episode of the Tonight Show when
>Johnny Carson was still the host. Rachel Welch was the guest. She comes
>after a few minutes of catcalls and hooting from the audience, Rachel asks
>Johnny, "Do you want to pet my pussy?" Johnny replies, "I'd love to, but
>you'll have to move your cat." The audience went wild...and Johnny was
>slapped with a lawsuit, but it was hysterical nonetheless.
Actually, that was Zsa Zsa Gabor, not Raquel Welch.
I beg to differ on the funniest moment, too.
Same show -- Carson again -- Guest Ed Ames was demonstrating his axe throwing
talents (learned on the Daniel Boone show). A plywood sheet with an outline of
a man was provided and Ames proceded to put an axe right into the crotch. What
made it even funnier was when Carson wouldn't let Ames take it out.
DonaldF275
money or your life"..pregnant pause.. Robber:Well?.. Benny:"I'm thinking,
I'm Thinking"
Either that or highlight films of the '62 Mets.
Mark E. Mallett
Bruce L. Stimpson <stim...@tips-inc.com> wrote:
>
>Fawlty Towers was one of the best television shows ever broadcast. My
>favorite episode (although many tie for second) is when Basil is
>convinced that a male guest has a young girl in his room, and tries to
>catch him in the act. The interaction between Basil and his wife (and
>Manuel) is hilarious.
You can name any episode of Fawlty Towers in which there were several
side-splitting moments (or entire half-hours). It's hard to pick out
any over the others. The old lady with the hearing aid... The Germans.
BTW all of the episodes are published in a book, which is pretty
easy to find.
-mm-
--
Mark E. Mallett | MV Communications, Inc.
Internet Access in New Hampshire | PO Box 4963
603-424-7428 (8N1), login as info | Manchester, NH 03108-4963
email in...@mv.mv.com for autoreply. | 603-429-2223/ fax: 424-0386
Toby J. Sommer
the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I thought Ted Knight's Ted Baxter was
pretty funny. For example, the episode wherein the station Clown is
selected over Ted to be Parade Marshall was full of ethos, pathos and,
uh, D'Artagnon. While dressed as a Peanut, the Clown gets killed by
the elephant in the parade. Etc., etc. Ted Baxter's solemnly
delivered eulogy used the Clown's own words: "A little song; a little
dance; a little seltzer down your pants."
--
This is a test signature file. If this had been a real signature
file, you would have been directed to the nearest signature shelter.
Bill Sudbrink
>The funniest part ever? Hmmm..Probably "the blue handprint" (I
>think it's the same episode as above) although I've only seen 8 of the 12
>episodes (a situation soon to be rectified.) Second funniest I would say
>would be "He's from Barcelona" Manuel and his Siberian Hamster/pigeons in
>the water tank seen.
The funniest Fawlty Towers bit? It was this:
(Basil is talking to Manuel on the phone, Manuel is talking
to the large workman doing some service at the Towers)
Basil: Manuel, tell the workman... (this is cut off as the shot
cuts to Manuel at the Towers)
Manuel: (to workman) You are hideous orangutan. (quickly cuts back
to Basil)
Muffled screams and the sounds of mayhem are heard over the phone.
Basil: Thank you Manuel... Thank you very much.
Geoff P
>Dan Pearl wrote:
>>
>> It has to be Fawlty Towers. Episode "The Hotel Inspectors".
>>
>>
>favorite episode (although many tie for second) is when Basil is
>convinced that a male guest has a young girl in his room, and tries to
>catch him in the act.
Sorry, the best of all 'Fawlty Towers' has got to be the scene from the
Hotel bedroom with the old biddy complaining that she hasn't got much of
a view - Basil enquires, in his usual OTT fashion, whether she expected
to see the 'Hanging Gardens of Babylon, herds of Wilderbeast, etc.,
etc.. This is closely followed by the Corpse & The Kipper - I won't
describe it - but if you've seen it then you'll no doubt enjoy the
recollection of the moment.
Geoff
邢 唷�
D.M. DeMelo
Woodard ) wrote:
> > the day friends is canceled for stupidity - now that will be FUNNY!
Hell, couldn't agree with you more!
DMD
Chris P.
alone for Xmas, so Herb goes up to her apartment to surprise her with
a tree. They talk for awhile. I can't remember the dialogue, but it
was pretty serious.
Then all of a sudden there is a knock at the door. Jennifer answers it
and Les is standing there in his patent goloshes, ear muffs, etc. and
says "Herb, I've been waiting for 45 mins. You said you were just
coming up here to give Jennifer her Christmas goose, how long can that
take??
Pretty funny.
Chris P.
Tom Aldrich
>
> My fave funniest moment has to be that episode of the Tonight Show when
> Johnny Carson was still the host. Rachel Welch was the guest. She comes
> out in this slinky, CF me dress, carrying a white cat. She sits down, and
> after a few minutes of catcalls and hooting from the audience, Rachel asks
> Johnny, "Do you want to pet my pussy?" Johnny replies, "I'd love to, but
> you'll have to move your cat." The audience went wild...and Johnny was
> slapped with a lawsuit, but it was hysterical nonetheless.
>
> The dirtiest line ever said on TV:
>
> "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night",
> June Cleaver, ca. 1965.
As someone mentioned,It's an Urban Legend. Like Mrs. Arnold Palmer
Kissing Arnold's (golf)balls. It didn't happen.
The Funniest adlib I saw on The Tonight Show came not from Johnny,
but Ed.
Johnny had found an article about how a little dog had gotten a
great big dog pregnant (I don't remember the breeds).
Johnny looked at the camera incredulously and asked: "How is that
possible?!?!"
Ed piped up:"I don't know Johnny, Maybe somebody put him up to it!"
The audience screamed with laughter and Johnny sat there shaking with
laughter until he shed tears. At the same time he kept giving Ed a
hilarious "dagger" look which said: "O.K. you !&@^#5!! Upstage me on
my show!!"
I still laugh when I remember it. It's right up there with Ed Ames
hatchet-throwing demonstration.
If you saw it you know "where Ed Ames"!! @;<}
swami tommy
Phil Carden
>
>Dan Pearl wrote:
>>
>> It has to be Fawlty Towers. Episode "The Hotel Inspectors".
Funny yes...but surely the funniest and absolute best of British comedy
is the Fawlty Towers episode where some German guests are on the
receiving end of Basil's in-breed and uncontrollable second world war
prejudice.
This episode had everything a Monty Python fan could want, ranging from a
"Ministry of Funny Walks" frog march to a pencil moustache Hitler
impersonation.
Phil.
Ann Keitz
The time he did his monologue with his fly open! He walked onto the stage
as he usually did, and proceeded with his monologue. Suddenly both my
sister and I shouted out at once, "Hey - his fly is open!" It was really
funny as he obviously didn't know and at some point the camera men
realized it jerked the camera up to hide it and probably alerted Fred
Cordova. I don't know at which point they alerted Johnny, but after the
ad break that followed Johnny was almost in tears from laughing and
explained that he had had a last minute wardrobe change and that was how
it happened. I think is was refered to often for the rest of the show.
Annie
Washington, DC
ljb...@mainelink.net
the episode where he is on the diving board...
Chris Pierson
Geoff P <Ge...@darlings.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>In article <3158D8...@tips-inc.com>, "Bruce L. Stimpson"
><stim...@tips-inc.com> writes
>>>
>>> It has to be Fawlty Towers. Episode "The Hotel Inspectors".
>>>
>>>
>>favorite episode (although many tie for second) is when Basil is
>>convinced that a male guest has a young girl in his room, and tries to
>>catch him in the act.
>>-Bruce.
>
>Sorry, the best of all 'Fawlty Towers' has got to be the scene from the
>Hotel bedroom with the old biddy complaining that she hasn't got much of
>a view - Basil enquires, in his usual OTT fashion, whether she expected
>to see the 'Hanging Gardens of Babylon, herds of Wilderbeast, etc.,
>etc.. This is closely followed by the Corpse & The Kipper - I won't
>describe it - but if you've seen it then you'll no doubt enjoy the
>recollection of the moment.
My fave has to be "The Germans" -- German tourists, a fire drill, an
actual fire, a questionable moose, and a nasty knock on the head, all
choreographed with military precision. Always gets me howling, no matter
how many times I see it.
That and the scene in the Gourmet Night episode, when Basil gives his car
"a DAMN GOOD THRASHING!" :)
--
****************************************************************************
Chris Pierson ** "No one hands me my gun and says, 'run.' _No one_."
Freelance Editor ** --Britt (James Coburn), The Magnificent Seven
****************************************************************************
Al Bundy
On Fri, 29 Mar 1996, Hope Braun wrote:
> In article <Pine.SUN.3.91.960327...@labdien.cc.columbia.edu> you write:
> >
> >Cheers, when Cliff was on Jeopardy and his Final Jeopardy question
> >(talking about 3 people who have something in common) was
> >
> >"Who are 3 people who have never been in my kitchen?"
> >
> >He risked all of his 20 grand (or thereabouts) and was left with nothing.
> >
> >And then watching him argue that he was right (which he was).
>
> "Be that as it may, Chuck, those people have never eaten in my kitchen."
> (HA!!) I like when Chuck says something right beforehand, like, "Only
> if you were really stupid and bet it all..." and Norm's in the audience
> KNOWING, of course, that Cliff bet it all.
>
> Hope E. Braun (br...@cig.mot.com)
You mean "Alex" and not "Chuck" right?
Alex Trebek is Jeopardy
Chuck Wollery is Love Connection and Scrabble
William Sakovich
Tom Aldrich <ald...@netins.net> wrote:
> pr...@julian.uwo.ca (Slyguy) wrote:
> > The dirtiest line ever said on TV:
> >
> > "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night",
> > June Cleaver, ca. 1965.
In fact, the dirtiest line I ever heard on TV was by Johnny Carson
c1970 on the David Frost show. This was when Frost had a regular
interview show that was syndicated. It was shown in the afternoons
where I lived.
Frost asked Carson what he thought the solution to overpopulation was
(this was around the time Paul Erlich's book came out). Carson said,
"Less fucking."
Now, he didn't enunciate the second word clearly--he kind of swallowed
it and garbled it on purpose. But it was not snipped out of the tape,
and it was obvious what he was saying.
- Bill Sakovich (sako...@gol.com)
Fritz Owens
On 29 Mar 1996, Tom Aldrich wrote:
> pr...@julian.uwo.ca (Slyguy) wrote:
> >
> > My fave funniest moment has to be that episode of the Tonight Show when
> > Johnny Carson was still the host. Rachel Welch was the guest. She comes
> > out in this slinky, CF me dress, carrying a white cat. She sits down, and
> > after a few minutes of catcalls and hooting from the audience, Rachel asks
> > Johnny, "Do you want to pet my pussy?" Johnny replies, "I'd love to, but
> > you'll have to move your cat." The audience went wild...and Johnny was
> > slapped with a lawsuit, but it was hysterical nonetheless.
> >
> > --
> > The dirtiest line ever said on TV:
> >
> > "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night",
> > June Cleaver, ca. 1965.
>
>
> As someone mentioned,It's an Urban Legend. Like Mrs. Arnold Palmer
> Kissing Arnold's (golf)balls. It didn't happen.
> The Funniest adlib I saw on The Tonight Show came not from Johnny,
> but Ed.
> Johnny had found an article about how a little dog had gotten a
> great big dog pregnant (I don't remember the breeds).
> Johnny looked at the camera incredulously and asked: "How is that
> possible?!?!"
> Ed piped up:"I don't know Johnny, Maybe somebody put him up to it!"
> The audience screamed with laughter and Johnny sat there shaking with
> laughter until he shed tears. At the same time he kept giving Ed a
> hilarious "dagger" look which said: "O.K. you !&@^#5!! Upstage me on
> my show!!"
> I still laugh when I remember it. It's right up there with Ed Ames
> hatchet-throwing demonstration.
> If you saw it you know "where Ed Ames"!! @;<}
>
> swami tommy
The really supposedly two dirtiest remarks occurred on two separate Bob
Hope shows back in the earliest days of television (may have been a radio
show for one of them). Bob remarked on the first show "If the dresses get
any shorter, they'll have a couple more cheeks to powder and few more
hairs to comb!" ZAP - dead silence and a blank screen for about 2
minutes. The censors cut him off.
Second occasion Bob Hope got this gorgeous gal to stand behind him. Then
he told her to put her hands in his pockets. She did so and remarked "I
sure feel silly!" to which Hope responded "Put your hands ina little
further and you'll feel nuts!" ZAP - dead silence again and a blank
screen. The newspapers never carried a word but wveryone who had seen the
shows carried the ball and spread the stories around. I seem to recall
that this took place in about 1950 0r 1951. Not sure.
__ _ . ___ ___
|_ |_) | | /
| | \ | | /__
fo...@www.gnofn.org
Derek McMillan
The following nominations are submitted by the McMillan
household:
From Red Dwarf
"They're all dead, Dave."
(Holly to Lister - you have to see the episode to see why
this is funny!)
From Carry on Cleo
"Oh infamy, infamy ... They've all got it
infamy!" (and anything else said by Kenneth Williams)
From Monty Python
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of
elderberries."
(John Cleese in outrageous French accent)
Also the fight in which Black Knight (John Cleese) has
every limb removed but carries on fighting - when he has
had every limb removed he conceded "OK we'll call it a
draw."
"We'll be glad to have him back in the police force.
Unless he is a drooling vegetable of course but that goes
without saying."
(Naked Gun)
And the decision of the jury is ...
we're not going to tell you.
Chris Pisarra
competition for second place, and will always remain so.
Chris
--
Chris Pisarra pis...@ccnet.com
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Erin Hope Blockley
> The Parrot Sketch from Monty Python. Everything else is just a
I love this one, but I loved the less-known Flying Sheep sketch better
(also a Monty Python one). "Now witness their attempts to fly from tree
to tree. Notice they do not so much fly as plummet" (flap-flap-flap-SPLATT).
I've never laughed so hard in my life.
--
Erin Hope Blockley gt6...@prism.gatech.edu
Purple Pez runnin' through my mind... (Zzzipp!)
Ann Keitz
show:
Watching last Friday's Due South, Paul Gross and David Marciano do a
hilarious sendup of the scene in Pulp Fiction where John Travolta and Uma
Thurman are dancing. Benton Fraser was in drag, undercover in a Catholic
girls school, and Ray needing to talk with Benny, meets up with him at
the high school dance. To avoid suspicion, they dance together (to the
tune of Blondie's Heart of Glass), ah but what a dance it was perfectly
coreographed, complete with a piroitte from Paul Gross. I think this
scene will be up there with some of my other faves.
Annie
Washington, DC
John Baker
James Woods was a guest on "The Simpsons;" he took the place of Apu, who
was fired for selling tainted meat. When Woods and Apu finally met Woods
said "I know you! Apu Nahasapeemapapalan! You once worked 112 straight
hours without a break!"
To which Apu replied, "Yes, I remember that... by the end of that shift, I
think I thought I was some kind of little bird or something."
And Woods says "I know, I've been watching the surveillance tapes." Cut to
the monitor where we see Apu in b&w floating gently above the floor of the
Kwik-E-Mart and making a high pitched "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
Really you hadda be there. The comic timing was absolutely perfect. The
cast of Saturday Night Live should use stuff like that as an example -
they know nothing about timing whatsoever. But that's another story.
--
John Baker
cjb4...@pegasus.cc.ucf.edu
Richard Sims
>Frost asked Carson what he thought the solution to overpopulation was
>(this was around the time Paul Erlich's book came out). Carson said,
>"Less fucking."
I saw a Carson show once where one of the Gabor sisters was on, and
she came out holding a cat. She sits next to Carson petting her cat
and Carson makes some comment about the feline, when she asks him if
he'd like to stroke her pussy! That was pretty funny...
David E Romm
Pisarra) wrote:
> The Parrot Sketch from Monty Python. Everything else is just a
> competition for second place, and will always remain so.
Oh, there are many good MP bits. The Parrot Sketch isn't even my
favorite. If I had to pick one, it would be The Argument Clinic. "Mr.
Dubakey's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory."
"I'd like to talk to you about word association football..."
"Many people pooh pooh Australian table wines..."
"There's no listing for 'lark's vomit'"
"Yes there is, right after 'monosodium glutamate'."
"Dinsdale."
"I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pajamas, I've got forty thousand
French Franc's in my fridge..."
"Kemel Ataturk had an entire menagerie named 'Abdul'."
And so on, and so on, and so on...
--
Shockwave radio: Science Fiction/Science Fact
http://www.winternet.com/~romm
FAQ, Distribution Tapes, Top 11 Lists, scripts, sound files, more
Updated 3/31: Presidential endorsement, walking tour of Mpls, links
"But it's my only line!"
Yves joannette
Hi Ann,
I have to say I laughed hard too. I found it especially funny
because my friend and me are always laughing about that kind of
dance. I found it especially funny when Benny was watching the
other girl dancing. He was really moving like a woman and with
his masculin figure, it was just to hard to bare. It was the
funniest show ever (I think). I think he was hilarious also when
he started runing after he smelled the nuns shoes. He lifted his
scurt and started runing like a man (which is normal in his
case). Anyways, I say bye.
Josée
Jane Palary
Also on Channel 9 in Australia a good few years ago. An interview of a
famous golfer's wife.
Interviewer: Do you help your husband in his golf?
Wife: Yes, before he goes off to play I kiss his balls.
The interviewer then did a slow dissolve into helpless laughter (for
which he was disciplined).
Adrian Parker
Young Ones (did the US get this ?)
Vivian kicking his head up the railway line.
Neil finding a bike in the bath.
Mike nailing his legs to the table.
Red Dwarf
The metamorph. turns into a pair of underpants which Lister puts on.
--
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
:: Adrian Parker adr...@willen.demon.co.uk ::
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
Kevin Broderick
MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
"What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
Woman (dead seriously):
"I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
--
| Kevin Broderick |
| NDC - Network Operations |
| 543-5128 |
mike&chris
Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and he finished the interview with, "I'll
bet that makes his putter stand up", for which he was sued
Laura Beth Weiss
>Young Ones (did the US get this ?)
> Vivian kicking his head up the railway line.
> Neil finding a bike in the bath.
> Mike nailing his legs to the table.
Hey Adrian--
Yes, we did get The Young Ones in the U.S.; first on MTV back in 1988, second
on Comedy Central recently.
I already mentioned one of my fave TYO moments, when Rik asks Neil if he
really needs the light on while he bathes ("what are you planning to do?
Photosynthesize?").
I also love the episode where the lads have a party. Rik asks "So...do any of
you lot like the Human League?" He then proceeds to turn on the record and
dance---absolutely priceless.
--laura w. :-) (Oh, floppy disks!!)
_______________________________________________________________________
Fashion is Me Too. Style is Me Only.
--Hubert de Givenchy
Laura Beth Weiss
wei...@cfs.purdue.edu
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Tom Walsh
wrote:
[snip]
> Also on Channel 9 in Australia a good few years ago. An interview of a
> famous golfer's wife.
>
> Interviewer: Do you help your husband in his golf?
>
> Wife: Yes, before he goes off to play I kiss his balls.
>
> The interviewer then did a slow dissolve into helpless laughter (for
> which he was disciplined).
---- AND ----
In article <31639E...@abaco.coastalnet.com>, mike&chris
<cn2...@abaco.coastalnet.com> wrote:
The fact that there are two versions of this should clue people in that THIS
IS AN URBAN LEGEND.
---- AND ----
In article <4jv3s6$o...@nntp4.u.washington.edu>, Kevin Broderick <kbroder> wrote:
> The Newlywed game:
>
> MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
> "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
>
> Woman (dead seriously):
> "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
Another urban legend.
Post (but DON'T CROSSPOST, please) your comments to alt.folklore.urban and see
how quickly you get trolled.
Tom
Dr Nancy's Sweetie
> MC: "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
> Woman (dead seriously): "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
This never happened. It's a widespread urban legend, but Bob Eubanks (the
host) has a standing offer of $10,000 to anyone who provide solid evidence
of it. Nobody has ever even _tried_ to collect -- not even the people who
worked for the production company which taped the show.
Darren F Provine / kil...@copland.rowan.edu
Jeff Lindstrom
Kevin Broderick <kbroder> wrote:
>The Newlywed game:
>
>MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
> "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
>
>Woman (dead seriously):
> "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
I heard it was the husband who responded thusly, to the horror of his
wife. My brother even quoted the guy, "In da butt, Bob... def'nitely in
da butt".
--
Regards,
Jeff Lindstrom jeff...@netcom.com
Jeff Lindstrom
Web Crawler <ej...@usa.pipeline.com> wrote:
>>How about on WKRP when Less Nessman said:
>>
>>"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
>--
>
>That one was great!! Do you remember Dr. Fever & the "Telephone Police"?
Both very funny scenes (yes, I know it was Carlson who said it), but
one of my favorites is the episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" where
Sue Ann Nivens' show was cancelled and she was an assistant on a kiddie
show.
Lou Grant came down to comfort her and got in an argument with a couple
of hand puppets. He finally punched one and tried to strangle the other
(actually squeezing the puppeteer's wrist). His stiffening reaction when
Mary asked, aghast, "Mr. Grant! What are you doing?" was even funnier.
aka...@guvax.acc.georgetown.edu
> Has to be the old Jack Benny show. An armed robber asks Benny, "your
> money or your life"..pregnant pause.. Robber:Well?.. Benny:"I'm thinking,
> I'm Thinking"
> Either that or highlight films of the '62 Mets.
I personally like the old Carol Burnett episode where Tim Conway went
off on one of his usual ad-libbed monologues in the middle of a skit.
When he finally stopped there was a beat of silence, then Vicki
Lawrence asked Carol, "Do you have anything to add?" (or something
along those lines), to which Carol replied, "Do you think the
a**hole's done yet?"
Allen Osborne Assoc
Especially since his response was: "Sure, but you'll have to move that cat!"
PGW
> Also on Channel 9 in Australia a good few years ago. An interview of a
> famous golfer's wife.
> Interviewer: Do you help your husband in his golf?
> Wife: Yes, before he goes off to play I kiss his balls.
How about the two sports-reporters discussing a baseball-player:
-"Wayne can throw a baseball through a carwash, and the ball never even
gets wet".
-"Well, one thing's for sure. He's bound to have the cleanest balls in
the majors."
---___---
PGW 8^)
.sigH
(I used to have a .sig but age changed it.)
DAVE GUHLOW
: sako...@gol.com (William Sakovich) wrote:
:
: >Frost asked Carson what he thought the solution to overpopulation was
: >(this was around the time Paul Erlich's book came out). Carson said,
: >"Less fucking."
:
: I saw a Carson show once where one of the Gabor sisters was on, and
: she came out holding a cat. She sits next to Carson petting her cat
: and Carson makes some comment about the feline, when she asks him if
: he'd like to stroke her pussy! That was pretty funny...
You left out the best part! She asks him if he wants to stroke her pussy,
and he says, "Sure, just get that damn cat out of the way!"
Pelle Hillberg
I'd have to say on Roseanne, the episode where she has brease
reduction surgery, and when her doctor walks into her room, post-op,
he turns out to be Doogie Howser. :-)
,,,
(. .)
+----------------------o00-(_)-00o---------------------------------+
| Lars-Erik Hillberg Email : pe...@sll.se |
| Assistant Network Manager Phone : +46 - 8 746 1967 |
| Huddinge University Hospital Fax : +46 - 8 746 1880 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------+
E. Christianson
writes:
>
>I personally like the old Carol Burnett episode where Tim Conway went
>off on one of his usual ad-libbed monologues in the middle of a skit.
>When he finally stopped there was a beat of silence, then Vicki
>Lawrence asked Carol, "Do you have anything to add?" (or something
>along those lines), to which Carol replied, "Do you think the
>a**hole's done yet?"
>
>
With the Wind" sendup... particularly when Scarlett makes her
appearance on the stairs, after fashioning a gown from the curtains.
"Why Scarlett, what a beautiful dress," says Rhett. "Why thank you,
Rhett", she replies, "I saw it in the window and I simply *had* to have
it!"
Marvin Radding
has no sense of humor. When Johnny asked here what she did for Arnie
before a big match she said she kisses all his balls! And Johnny
replied, "I bet that keeps his putter straight!" This cost him $25,000.
That lady has no sens of humor.
--
Good luck and good chess,
Marvin
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Shortest Tournament Game on record: Paris, 1924 Gibaud-Lazard:
1. d4 Nf6 2. Nd2 e5 3. dxe5 Ng4 4. h3 Ne3! Resigns
Capturing the Knight would be answered by 5. ... Qh4+ forcing mate
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane Palary
sequence every week in a decrepit front room. Dud is dressed in a dirty
mac and this is covered by an apron. He is doing the ironing. Pete is
sitting in a chair.
The conversation progressed about nothing much for a minute or so
nostalgically about parents. Then Dud remarked about his grandmother
"she was in hospital after a minor operation and it went wrong"
"she died the way she lived her entire life - scraming her bloody head
off"
"her daughter passed out with the noise, then an orderly ran in fell
over the prostrate form, and flew through the window, landing on the
handbrake of a sports car. This then shot off and demolished a bus stop
with a queue of people waiting."
"she took thirty five people with her when she went".
Michael Ejercito
education speech on the Beavis and Butt-head episode "No Laughing".
Here is the speech.
"So,Beavis and Butt-head. I understand Mister McVicar has made a
little arrangement with you guys. Yeah,a little probation. You
see,class,Beavis and Butt-head here are not allowed to laugh for a
whole week. That's right,and if they do laugh,they'll be expelled
and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their
asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents.
Ha,ha,ha. Well,I was real glad to hear that,because this is sex
education week. That's right,sex ed week! We're going to be talking
about the penis! We'll be talking about the vagina! Do you think
that's funny,Butt-head? Do you find it amusing that we're going to
be talking about the testicles? Yes,we're also going to be talking
about venereal disease! Sexual intercourse! And! And we will
definitely be spending a lot of time talking about masturbation!
Well,now that that's out of the way,let's take roll. Buttkiss!
Gaylord!"
John Weinland
the Dick VanDyke show. Rob was testing Laura and had a self-
inflating raft sent to their home, and out of curiosity, she
opened it and it inflated on her.
She was trying to get it back into the box and into the closet
because she didn't want Rob to know she had opened his package.
It loses something here in the translation, but was quite funny
watching it.
Paul A. Kubinski
quiz shows (don't remember if it was Password or the $25K Pyramid). The
following exchange took place:
Female guest star partner: Doe (ie. young female deer)
Black/Negro/Afro-American guy partner: Knob
... 2 second pause ...
Howls of laughter from the audience & moderator.
... cut to commercial ...
I still remember the look on the guy's face. He didn't catch on until
after the laughter erupted from the audience. Boy, was he mortified.
Cheers!
PAK
Shawn M. Freeman
remember which one). Gene Oakerlund was abou op interview Rick Rude when
the wrestlemania sign in the background fell. Rick ssaid nice job while
he well controlled gene exclaimed "FUCK IT!"
Maybe you had to have seen i but I couldn' sop laughing 8).
Just Me,
*SF
Glen Mann
By default, wrestlemania *is* the funniest show, though the least
humorous.
Ande Clayton
with the other woman stomping with her.
Second runner-up: Lucy and Ethel working at Kramer's Kandy Kitchen
and the conveyer belt thing.
Third runner-up: Lucy's VitaMetaVegamin commercial.
I Love Lucy!!!!
ande
a...@mellon.org
brooklyn, ny
Mike McCarthy
asking for a sign from the Gods that she should not run for president
of India:
A cow drops from the heavens.
Almost ruptured my spleen.
Mike McCarthy
Lee S. Bumgarner
> > The Newlywed game:
> >
> > MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
> > "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
> >
> > Woman (dead seriously):
> Another urban legend.
NO! I've actually see the clip from whince this tale is based. The question
was actually something like "Whats the strangest place you've ever kissed
your wife?" "I'd have to say 'on the butt', Bob" er something like that.
-l
---
----> Undertoad (under construction) http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ <------
See also : http://breeze.jmu.edu/ and http://breeze.jmu.edu/curio/
kewl poetry ---> http://falcon.jmu.edu/~woodvn/
| REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot universe (Y/N/Q)? |
* Flood'96: http://breeze.jmu.edu/breeze/special/flood96/pic/floodfront.html
Deborah Stevenson
>> > The Newlywed game:
>> >
>> > MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
>> > "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
>> >
>> > Woman (dead seriously):
>> > "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
>> Another urban legend.
>NO! I've actually see the clip from whince this tale is based. The question
>was actually something like "Whats the strangest place you've ever kissed
>your wife?" "I'd have to say 'on the butt', Bob" er something like that.
Then you might want to send said clip to Bob Eubanks--he has some kind of
standing offer to anyone who can produce proof that such a thing never
happened, because he says it didn't--and nobody has proved it yet.
Deborah Stevenson
(stev...@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu)
Brad Filippone
: > > The Newlywed game:
: > >
: > > MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
: > > "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
: > >
: > > Woman (dead seriously):
: > > "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
: > Another urban legend.
: NO! I've actually see the clip from whince this tale is based. The question
: was actually something like "Whats the strangest place you've ever kissed
: your wife?" "I'd have to say 'on the butt', Bob" er something like that.
: -l
: ---
: ----> Undertoad (under construction) http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ <------
: See also : http://breeze.jmu.edu/ and http://breeze.jmu.edu/curio/
: kewl poetry ---> http://falcon.jmu.edu/~woodvn/
: | REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot universe (Y/N/Q)? |
: * Flood'96: http://breeze.jmu.edu/breeze/special/flood96/pic/floodfront.html
--
There was an outtake from "Match Game" in which Gene Rayburn attempted to
compliment a female contestant's dimples, but instead said, "Hasn't she
got nice nipples?"
Jon Hodapp
Bumgarner) wrote:
> > > The Newlywed game:
> > >
> > > MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
> > > "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
> > >
> > > Woman (dead seriously):
> > > "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
>
>
> > Another urban legend.
>
> NO! I've actually see the clip from whince this tale is based. The question
> was actually something like "Whats the strangest place you've ever kissed
> your wife?" "I'd have to say 'on the butt', Bob" er something like that.
>
> -l
Good, call the TV station where you saw it and arrange to get a tape.
Don't worry about paying for it, Bob Eubanks has promised 10,000$ to
anyone who can prove this actually happened. You're rich, dude!
Jon
Matt Ackeret
Lee S. Bumgarner <bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu> wrote:
>> > The Newlywed game:
>> > MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
>> > "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
>> > Woman (dead seriously):
>> > "I'd have to say 'up the butt' Bob."
>> Another urban legend.
>NO! I've actually see the clip from whince this tale is based. The question
>was actually something like "Whats the strangest place you've ever kissed
>your wife?" "I'd have to say 'on the butt', Bob" er something like that.
If you can prove it, you can win lots of money.
--
unk...@apple.com Apple II Forever
These opinions are mine, not Apple's.
Elizabeth H.
>Almost ruptured my spleen.
>Mike McCarthy
I have to vote for Dan Aykroyd's skit as Julia Child on Saturday Night Live
in which s/he cuts a wrist artery trying to debone a chicken. I recall my
brother and I laughing to the point where you can hardly produce sound. One
of the top most hysterically funny skits of classic SNL.
Betsy H.
Erik Hesby
they send the program leader by plane, a small plain, Saab Safir or
something like that. It was a live show, they passed Oslo, and asked all
the viewers to put out the light at exactly 9 o´clock (we only have 2
main tv-stations in Norway). It all worked out very well for the program
leader and the tv-station. But then the pilot forgot to put down the
wheels - before landing. Later they found out that he (the pilot) didn´t
have a legal sertificate. The program leader got badly hurt. But now his
back, singing his terrible songs about fishermen and the former king
Olav V. Heard about him? Harald Tusberg.
sawr...@smartt.com
date in the car, and came inside afterwards, and Jonathon asks,
"Grandma, why is your shirt on backwards?"
And the episode of "Rosanne" where Dan admits to Roseanne's mom that
he knows she broke her hip having sex with her boyfriend! Classic
moment!
William Sakovich
stev...@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Deborah Stevenson) wrote:
> >NO! I've actually see the clip from whince this tale is based. The
> >question was actually something like "Whats the strangest place
> >you've ever kissed > >your wife?" "I'd have to say 'on the butt',
> >Bob" er something like that.
>
> Then you might want to send said clip to Bob Eubanks--he has some kind of
> standing offer to anyone who can produce proof that such a thing never
> happened, because he says it didn't--and nobody has proved it yet.
Let's clear this up once and for all:
Sitting on my table right now is a book by Chuck Barris called The
Game Show King. Barris was the creator of The Newlywed Game, and he
produced it.
On pp 71-72 of the hardbound edition, he wrote a few of the amusing
things that people said on the show. His story about "up the butt" is
as follows:
Host: (presumably Eubanks) Where did your wife say you had your most
unusual "whoopee session"?
Husband: In the sink.
Host: I'm sorry. Your wife said in the butt.
Husband: Damn, I almost said that.
If Eubanks made such a challenge, he could be playing games. This was
Barris's show, and he was there every day on the set. (Perhaps this
was cut out of the show and not broadcast. Therefore, Eubanks would
know that no tapes exist, perhaps other than the ones Barris
presumably has.)
Barris has some other funny stories about this show:
***
Host: What will your husband say annoyed you most during your last
romantic interlude?
Wife: When he stuck it in my ear.
***
Host: What will your husband say is his least favorite condiment on
his weiner?
Wife #1: Mustard
Wife #2: Ketchup
Wife #3: Ketchp
Wife #4: Ben Gay
***
Host: What household chore did your wife say you do exactly the same
way as you do when "making whoopee"?
Husband: Wash the dishes.
Host: Your wife said take out the garbage.
Husband: Take out the garbage?
Wife: Yeah, you just do it. There's nothing fancy about it. You just
put it in and put it out.
***
Excerpts cut from The Dating Game, also a Barris show, and mentioned
in the book:
Girl: Bachelor Number Three, what is your favorite sport?
#3: Fishing. Do you like to fish?
Girl: No, but I love bait.
#3: Would you nibble it or swallow it whole?
Girl: (giggling) I swallow it whole.
#3: You must have a very big mouth.
Girl: (beside herself with glee) OK, that's enough Bachelor Number
Three. Bachelor Number One, I play the trombone. If I blew you, what
would you sound like?
#1: Ohhhh...ohhhh...ohohohOHOHO!
***
Girl: Bachelor Number Two, what does a rabbi do on his day off?
#2: A rabbit?
Girl: No, a rabbi.
#2: How the fuck do I know?
***
Girl: Bachelor Number Three, what's the funniest thing you were ever
caught doing when you thought nobody was looking?
#3: I was caught with a necktie around my dick.
Again, this is from Barris's book, so we must assume they are all
true.
- Bill Sakovich (sako...@gol.com)
Jack Wolfe
but couldn't narrow it down to just one moment (or even one show for that
matter). Anyone else care to take a stab at it? So far, I have come up with
THE CONTEST
THE TAPE
THE SOUP NAZI
Any other favorite funny moments?
ED
:B
Ed
rolling on the floor like the time George wanted Jerry to answer Vandelay
Industries and when Kramer answered otherwise, George came racing out of
the bathroom with his pants around his ankles and Jerry came in and his
only comment was, "And you want to be my latex salesman."
hymie!
holding the ashes of a person named Herb; said ashes were in the middle of
a custody fight.
Art (the maintenance man) talks about how good harry's herb tea is, and points
to the urn. Harry says "That's not herb tea. That's Herb!" and cut to
Dan's face as he takes a sip.
..hymie http://www.smart.net/~hymowitz hy...@lactose.smart.net
pgp public key -- finger hy...@lactose.smart.net@publickey.com
===============================================================================
I'm a pragmatist, which means that I think everybody's an a**hole except me.
--Dennis Miller
===============================================================================
Scott S. Joslin
point where Kramer is walking downt the street in the Amazing Technicolor
Dreamcoat and spears the fur hat with his Jay Peterman Cane. It was
hilarious.
Kam406
George was very upset when he went to a kid's birthday party and the
clown's name was Eric. "What kind of a name is that for a clown?", he asks.
Besides that, Eric didn't know who Bozo was. George kept complaining that
the clown didn't know Bozo. Eric gets aggravated and says, "You're livin'
in the past man."
This is also the episode where there is a fire and George pushes an
elderly lady with a walker and all of the children out of the way so he can
get out first. A fireman asks him, "How do you live with yourself?"
George replies, "It's not easy."
Ed
one.
John Weinland
>
> Nothing better than the Saturday Night Live skit about Indria Gandi
> asking for a sign from the Gods that she should not run for president
> of India:
>
> A cow drops from the heavens.
>
> Almost ruptured my spleen.
>
> Mike McCarthy
>
Saturday Night Live.
One of my favorite skits from circa 1978 was the Claudine Lounget
(not sure how to spell it) Ski Invitational. Historical note: She
was Andy William's ex-wife who shot and killed Olympic Skier Spider
Savage.
Anyway in the skit they had her perched high in a tall pine tree
with a high-power hunting rifle. They showed clips of skiing
competitions and interjected gun shots right before the skiers
would fall. The commentator would announce that Claudine got
another one, and then would give a score on the skier's fall.
I not only ruptured my spleen, I had tears from laughing so hard.
P.Moravek
on top of one of the desks with THE original constitution document, threatening
it with a lit match, and warns everyone away from him with a mad cry,
"One more move, and this constitution's history!"
eyl...@ctrvax.vanderbilt.edu
<wein...@heart.med.uth.tmc.edu> wrote:
> >
> You're right... there was nothing better than the early days of
> Saturday Night Live.
>
> One of my favorite skits from circa 1978 was the Claudine Lounget
> (not sure how to spell it) Ski Invitational. Historical note: She
> was Andy William's ex-wife who shot and killed Olympic Skier Spider
> Savage.
>
> Anyway in the skit they had her perched high in a tall pine tree
> with a high-power hunting rifle. They showed clips of skiing
> competitions and interjected gun shots right before the skiers
> would fall. The commentator would announce that Claudine got
> another one, and then would give a score on the skier's fall.
>
> I not only ruptured my spleen, I had tears from laughing so hard.
Ah yes the Claudine Longet Invitational -- always gets my vote for
the funniest moment on SNL. Thought no one else remembered it. That
was back when they pushed the envelope on taste with wit.
j
Emily Marcroft
: My vote is for an episode of "Night Court" when an irate man is standing
: on top of one of the desks with THE original constitution document, threatening
: it with a lit match, and warns everyone away from him with a mad cry,
: "One more move, and this constitution's history!"
Or how about the hurricane episode with the 'Yugoslavian' family (Their
name escapes me)? That episode in itself was incredibly funny, but one
moment in particular:
The family had a hotdog stand that got blown away and all they have left
as a memento is one hotdog. Since there's a hurricane now, everyone is
trapped in the building and is scrambling for food. The hotdog is noticed
and everyone in the courtroom tries to wrestle it away from Bob (the father).
The mother puts herself between the people and Bob and shouts 'Keep your
hands off my husband's weiner!'
emo
--
PEACE,_____________________________LOVE,____________&________________BOOTLEGS
Emily Marcroft |The love you take is equal to the love you make. -Beatles
nom...@crl.com |Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try. -John Lennon
*X-FILES*U2*BUSH*BETTERTHANEZRA*BENLEE*ASH*VELVETUNDERGROUND*SEXPISTOLS*JAMES
Michael Ejercito
on Beavis and Butt-head.
"So,Beavis and Butt-head,I understand Mister McVicar has made a little
arrangement with you guys. Yeah,a little probation. You see class,Beavis
and Butt-head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's
right,and if they do laugh,they'll be expelled,and they'll have to go to
Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked by all the other
delinquents. Ha,ha,ha. Well,I was real glad to hear that's right,sex ed
week. We're going to be talking about the penis! We'll be talking about
the vagina! Do you think that's funny,Butt-head? Do you find it amusing
that we'll be talking about the testicles? Yes,we're also going to be
talking about venereal disease! Sexual intercourse! And! And we will
definitely be spending a lot of time taking about masturbation! NOw that
that's out of the way,let's take roll. Buttkiss! Gaylord!"
Steve Mond
: > > > MC (to a woman who's husband was in the sound proof booth"):
: > > > "What's the strangest place you have ever made whoopie"?
: > > > Woman (dead seriously):
:
: Good, call the TV station where you saw it and arrange to get a tape.
: Don't worry about paying for it, Bob Eubanks has promised 10,000$ to
: anyone who can prove this actually happened. You're rich, dude!
After seeing this go back and forth a few times, I suppose we can settle
it once and for all. There is now a commercially available video of
"Great moments from the Newlywed Game." On the commercial, Bob Eubanks
says at the end, something to the effect of "Wait til you hear the answer
to my question of what's the strangest place you ever made whoopee?"
I wouldn't spend the money on the tape, but I'm sure somebody reading
this has, so I ask you, is that moment on the tape? And if not, what
other answer was Eubanks referring to?
--
**************************************************************************
* Steve Mond * "That which does not kill me *
* UC Davis School of Law * *
* UC Davis Varsity Bowling Team * should have been quicker" *
**************************************************************************
김도형
I am a boy.
I am single.
How about?
Matt Ackeret
William Sakovich <sako...@gol.com> wrote:
>Let's clear this up once and for all:
>
>Sitting on my table right now is a book by Chuck Barris called The
>Game Show King. Barris was the creator of The Newlywed Game, and he
>produced it.
>
>On pp 71-72 of the hardbound edition, he wrote a few of the amusing
>things that people said on the show. His story about "up the butt" is
>as follows:
>
>Host: (presumably Eubanks) Where did your wife say you had your most
>unusual "whoopee session"?
>Husband: In the sink.
>Host: I'm sorry. Your wife said in the butt.
>Husband: Damn, I almost said that.
This doesn't clear it up at all. Barris' book is funny, but reading this
made me wary of the whole rest of the book. We have a case where he is
spreading lies, so why believe anything he says?
I take the book as a highly fictionalized account of his life.
If this had truly happened, someone would be able to prove it in some way..
Elizabeth H.
>And the episode of "Rosanne" where Dan admits to Roseanne's mom that
>he knows she broke her hip having sex with her boyfriend! Classic
>moment!
Oh, but not nearly as funny as the scene during the closing credits of
that same episode where Roseanne's mother comes out of her apartment bedroom,
turns on the lights and is wearing a studded black leather outfit! That one
had me shouting out loud.
Betsy H.
Elizabeth H.
>>I was trying to think of THE funniest moment ever on a "Seinfeld" episode,
>>but couldn't narrow it down to just one moment (or even one show for that
>>matter). Anyone else care to take a stab at it? So far, I have come up with
>>
>>
>>THE CONTEST
>>
>>THE TAPE
>>
>>THE SOUP NAZI
>>
>>Any other favorite funny moments?
>>
>>ED
>>:B
I'm not sure what the name of the episode was: Kramer and George and Jerry go
to a baseball game and there is a spitting incident between Kramer and one of
the players as they are leaving the game. Kramer thought the guy played
badly. Jerry later re-enacts the incident a la Garrison in the movie _JFK_
where Garrison used a pool cue to indicate the path of the "single bullet"
that went thru Kennedy and Connely[sp?]. This scene struck me particularly
funny because I have a close friend who is a true Kennedy assassination
(conspiracy) buff.
Betsy H.
Jack Kemp
: I was trying to think of THE funniest moment ever on a "Seinfeld" episode,
: but couldn't narrow it down to just one moment (or even one show for that
: matter). Anyone else care to take a stab at it? So far, I have come up with
That's easy,
Jerry's haircut.
Jack
Joan
Yes, with out a doubt, the scene with Elaine and the clarinet
player, where they came back from a 'matinee' and the clarinet
player couldnt quite get his lips to work.
Remember that one?
joan
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
And in the end, the Love you take, is equal to the Love you make.
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
On 18 Apr 1996, Jack Wolfe wrote:
> I was trying to think of THE funniest moment ever on a "Seinfeld" episode,
> but couldn't narrow it down to just one moment (or even one show for that
> matter). Anyone else care to take a stab at it? So far, I have come up with
>
>
Shawn M. Freeman
Come back in a few years after you have gone through puberty
Just Me,
*SF
Donald MacDonaldRoss
thought turkeys could fly"
| __/~~\_____/~~| /l~~~~/_______________________________
+(L_====-____!~/ -------( l / >
| \/~~~ o \l__/ Donald MacDonald-Ross >
O /__________________________________>