World's Dirtiest Limerick
Judith A. Murray
dirty words must be substituted by "bleep". Here it is:
Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Fuck.
This is better when said. Old joke, but I still like it.
Judy Murray
jmu...@csus.edu
Ron Hulen
JAM> Following is the world's dirtiest limerick. It's so bad, all the
JAM> *really* dirty words must be substituted by "bleep". Here it is:
JAM> Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
JAM> Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
JAM> Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
JAM> Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep
JAM> Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Bleep-bleep Bleep Fuck.
Judy, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Internet: rhu...@stingray.net
* Origin: Beyond Tomorrow BBS - (816) 263-0980 (1:2805/2)
Benjamin Avry Goldstein
Mud mud mud........
Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm crazy
and so am I
david eyman
: Roses are red
: violets are blue
: I'm crazy
: and so am I
Sorry to be picky (flamers, ignite your engines!), but
technically this isn't a limerick. A limerick has five anapestic
lines, most often using the rhyme scheme aabba. As in . . .
A pansy from old Khartoum,
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what. And with which. And to whom.
Sunghun Richardson
>ba...@Virginia.EDU (Benjamin Avry Goldstein)
>>Roses are red
>>violets are blue
>>I'm crazy
>>and so am I
>I heard this with "schizophrenic" substituted for "crazy".
How about:
Roses are Red
Mucus is Spit
Here's what I think of You
A big load of Shaving Cream
or...
Row, row, row, your boat
Through the Mire and Muck
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Nobody gives a Darn
Sunghun
--
s...@teleport.COM Public Access User --- Not affiliated with TECHbooks
Public Access UNIX and Internet at (503) 220-1016 (2400-14400, N81)
The Tempted Soul
Who went for a girl in a hedge.
Along came his wife
With a big carving knife,
And cut off his meat and two veg.
(With thanks to Sid James)
Rick Banghart
Soul) wrote:
Help me out here:
There once was a man from Nantucket...
How does the rest go? I think one of the lines ends with "suck it"
--
========
nuclear_man
Oh, come on.
There once was a man from Nantucket
With a cock that's so long he could suck it.
He said, with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I would fuck it!"
That's gotta be the dirtiest, yes? No?
Nuclear Man
x93b...@wmich.edu
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it
Christ van Willegen
>Help me out here:
>There once was a man from Nantucket...
>How does the rest go? I think one of the lines ends with "suck it"
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As het wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it.
Christ van Willegen
--
Believe it or not... It's a .signature file! I'm ALL SEVEN RING WITCH
Now what shall I put in... My adress would be nice: chr...@witch.iaehv.nl,
but you knew that already. Uhm - ah - great! No funny sayings to be found
here. Hmmm. What's the use anyway. I'll just delete this.
Zindulee
>There once was a man from Nantucket
>With a cock that's so long he could suck it.
>He said, with a grin,
>As he wiped off his chin,
>"If my ear was a cunt, I would fuck it!"
>
>That's gotta be the dirtiest, yes? No?
>
>Nuclear Man
How about:
There once was a girl named Dot
Who lived on pig shit and snot
When she couldn't get these
She'd eat the green cheese
That grew on the sides of her twat.
Sickest?
->Z
Grant Schampel
far are about a century old, with publication back to The Pearl)?
--
Grant Schampel
Laboratory Information Systems, U of MN Hospital & Clinic
Box 198 Mayo, 420 Delaware St. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55455
(612) 626-3539
DMacD3
There once was a girl from Azores
Whose cunt was covered with sores
The dogs in the street
Would eat the green meat
That fell in great chunks from her drawers
mb...@chevron.com
In article <3c77uc$i...@ssw.rome.itd.sterling.com>, <zind...@aol.com> writes:
How about:
>
> There once was a girl named Dot
> Who lived on pig shit and snot
> When she couldn't get these
> She'd eat the green cheese
> That grew on the sides of her twat.
>
> Sickest?
>
> ->Z
I have a Adultrivia set that includes hundreds of dirty limmerics, I can post
some of them if there is not already a canonical list, is anyone interested?
Mark
Daniel McCarty
There was a blond from North Carolina,
Who played with a stick of dynamita.
They found parts of her breasts
in Massachussetts,
And in Virginia they found her Vagina.
scott...@qqq.ooo
There was a young man from Dallas
Whose testicals were made out of brass
He banged them together
and played stormy weather
and lightning shot out of his ass!
Forgive the spelling,
Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor not an English major!
*****************************************************************
* Scott H. Sexton | *
* terr...@io.com | His pen is breathing revenge! *
* 12/11/94 | Alexei Konstantinovich Tolstoi *
* 17:55:20 | *
*****************************************************************
Rudy Boghina
B =>From: bang...@studentb.msu.edu (Rick Banghart)
B =>Newsgroups: rec.humor
B =>Subject: Re: World's Dirtiest Limerick
B =>Date: Tue, 06 Dec 1994 10:51:50 -0500
B =>Organization: Michigan State University
B =>
B =>In article <8...@followed.win-uk.net>, j...@followed.win-uk.net (The Tempted
B =>Soul) wrote:
B =>>
B =>> In article <1994Dec5.2...@scott.skidmore.edu>, david eyman
B =>(dey...@scott.skidmore.edu) writes:
B =>> >Benjamin Avry Goldstein (ba...@Virginia.EDU) wrote:
B =>> >
B =>> >: Roses are red
B =>> >: violets are blue
B =>> >: I'm crazy
B =>> >: and so am I
B =>> >
B =>> > Sorry to be picky (flamers, ignite your engines!), but
B =>> >technically this isn't a limerick. A limerick has five anapestic
B =>> >lines, most often using the rhyme scheme aabba. As in . . .
B =>> >
B =>> > A pansy from old Khartoum,
B =>> > Took a lesbian up to his room,
B =>> > And they argued all night
B =>> > Over who had the right
B =>> > To do what. And with which. And to whom.
B =>> >
B =>> There was a young bloke called Reg
B =>> Who went for a girl in a hedge.
B =>> Along came his wife
B =>> With a big carving knife,
B =>> And cut off his meat and two veg.
B =>>
B =>> (With thanks to Sid James)
B =>
B =>Help me out here:
B =>
B =>There once was a man from Nantucket...
B =>
B =>How does the rest go? I think one of the lines ends with "suck it"
The sex of the asteroid vermin
Is exceedingly hard to determine.
The galactic patrol
Simply fucks any hole
That will possibly let all the sperm in.
There was an old whore from Azores
Whose cunt was all covered with sores.
The dogs in the street
wouldn't eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers.
/\!/\
= Rudy Boghina = |* 0 *| INTERNET: rudy.b...@canrem.com
\/|\/
* "Go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!!"
---
* RoseReader 2.52b P003789 Entered at [CRS]
Garry Bryan
Who tied violin strings to his cock.
When he got an erection,
He played a selection,
Of Johann Sebastian Bach.
Garry (%^{>
Joseph Crowe
NO, NO, NO...that does not even scan well...try:
A daring young lady named Alice,
Used dynamite for a phallus,
They found her vagina,
In South Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.
More you say,
A hot young lady named Dinah,
Stretched fiddle strings 'cross her vagina,
With the proper sized cocks,
What was sex became Bach's,
Toccatta and Fugue in D minor. (apologies to Asimov)
And finally,
There once was a young lad named Glass,
Who rejected another lad's pass,
He felt some attraction,
But recalled that the action,
Might well prove a pain in the ass.
|>
--
=========================================================
| Joe Crowe |
| Internet Address:jcr...@mpd.tandem.com |
=========================================================
Walter Murdock
Boghina) writes:
Try this:
There once was a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds!
Six feet of grass
Sprouted out of his ass,
AND HIS BALLS WERE ALL COVERED WITH WEEDS!
Regards,
OlPopeye
Grant Callaghan
There was an inventor named Green
Who invented a sex machine
Concave and convex
To suit either sex
And remarkably easy to clean.
There once was a man named Kent
Whose dick was so long it was bent.
To save himself trouble
He stuck it in double
And instead of cumming he went.
There once was a bandit named Blair
Who laid an old maid on the stair.
The bannister broke
But he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air.
There once was a man from Boston
Who bought for himself an Austin
There was room for his ass
And a gallong of gas
But his balls hung out so he lost'em.
There once was a dame from Cape Cod
Who thought all good things came from God
But it were'nt the allmighty
Who lifted her nighty
T'was Roger the lodger, by God.
There once was a pirate named Bates
Who tried to samba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
And now he is nutless
And therefore quite useless on dates.
There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said, "I'll admit
I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save."
More?
David K. Every
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
as he whiped of his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it
or the ever popular
There once was a boy from St. Louis (pronounced lew)
Who gave his dear sister a screw
He said with aplomb,
"you're better than Mom"
She said, "thanks, thats what dad told me too".
David K. Every // The reasonable man adapts to the world around him.
The Unreasonable // The unreasonable man expects the world to adapt to
him.
d...@deltanet.com // Therefor all progress is made by unreasonable men.
Ambrus
There once was a lady from Ulva,
Who had a magnificent vulva...
There was also one about the lady's boyfriend.
Ambrus
Rj Brodkin
>
>There once was a lady from Ulva,
>Who had a magnificent vulva...
She used it with ease,
And got a disease,
And now she treats it with Sulfa!
D.L. Whiteley
>From: bo...@sonny.chotel.com (Bob Finnican)
>Subject: Re: World's Dirtiest Limerick
>Rj Brodkin (DWC...@prodigy.com) wrote:
>: >Ok, complete this one: (I lost the last half)
>> I can top that :
>>
>> There once was a girl named Irene,
>> Whose cunt wasn't kept very clean,
>> The semen dripped out,
>> Of her smelly old spout,
>> Which she scraped up and ate with saltines.
>>
>>
>> NOW THAT'S SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
>> This was courtesy of John Valby, if anyone knows him.
>>
How about?
There was a young lady from Neath
Who circumsised men with her teeth
She said with a grin
It's not for the skin
But the cheese that you find underneath
Yech!
Duke McMullan
There were two young men in Cawnpore
Who buggared and fucked the same whore,
But the partition split
And the spunk and the shit
Rolled out in great lumps on the floor.
It has a sort of Boy-Scout campout feel to it . . . .
d
--
Half an Operating System is better than "DOS"!
Duke McMullan n5gax nss13429r phon505-255-4642 n5...@mack.RT66.com
Robert T Richardson
: >Ok, complete this one: (I lost the last half)
A classic dirty limerick in my late father's file:
There once was a man in South Wales
Who lived on shit, snot, and snails.
On tiring of these
He lived on the cheese
That he scraped from his cock with his nails.
jonnyj....@gmail.com
Whose wife had the hairiest cunt
So he dyed her muff grey
And fed it on hay
So it looked like a sheep from the front