de-fun-itions

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Sheila Feiger

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Nov 26, 1996, 3:00:00 AM11/26/96
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Here are some fun definitions, or defunitions. :-)
Hope they're fun for you too.

Impassable............A wet football.
Astronomer............A night watchman.
World.................A jigsaw puzzle with a peace missing.
Depth.................Height turned upside down.
Ginger Ale............A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to
sleep
An Archaeologist......A man whose career lies in ruins.
Bacteria..............The rear entrance to a cafeteria.
Raisin................A worried grape.
Skeleton..............A guy inside out with his outside off.
Research..............When you look for something twice.
Expert................X is a mathematical term meaning unknown, and a
spurt is a drip under pressure-----so an expert
is an unknown drip under pressure.
Psychiatrist..........A man who doesn't have to worry as long as other
people do.
Atomic Bomb...........The thing that makes molehills out of mountains.
Cheerios..............Hula-hoops for ants.
Coincide..............What most people do when it rains.
Synonym...............A word you use when you can't spell the other one.
Professor.............A textbook wired for sound.
Volcano...............A mountain that blew its stack.
Television............A machine that offers people who don't have
anything to do a chance to watch people who
can't do anything.
Wholesome.............The only thing from which you can take the whole
and still have some left.
A Caterpillar.........An upholstered worm.
Mountain Climber......A man who always wants to take just one more peak.
Undercover Agent......A spy in bed.
Etiquette.............Saying "No, thank you," when you want to yell,
"Gimme."
Circle................A round line with no kinks in it, joined up so as
not to show where it began.
Sick Reptile..........An illigator.
Alarm Clock...........Something to scare the daylight into you.
Tricycle..............A tot rod.
Tomorrow..............One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
Hatchet...............What a hen does to an egg.
Cactus................An overgrown pin cushion.
Mosquito..............A flying hypodermic needle.
Conference............A meeting of the bored.
Suit of Armor.........A knightgown.
Pipecleaner...........A toothpick with long underwear.
Advertising...........The art of making you think you've longed all your
life for something you never heard of before.
Actor.................Someone who tries to be everything but himself.
Criminal..............One who gets caught.
Cabbage...............The age of a taxi.
Pyramid...............An organized pile of rocks.
Cannibal..............A person who is fed up with people.


indy

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Nov 28, 1996, 3:00:00 AM11/28/96
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Sheila Feiger <srfe...@pacbell.net> wrote in article
<329BCB...@pacbell.net>...


> Here are some fun definitions, or defunitions. :-)
> Hope they're fun for you too.
>
> Impassable............A wet football.
> Astronomer............A night watchman.

Just to add another
etc...................... used to suggest that you know more than what you
actually do


Jay D Zimmerman

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Dec 1, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/1/96
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Defense...................something which is used to keep de cows from
escaping
Detour....................something which is given at de art museum

Jay D Zimmerman

morga...@aol.com

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Dec 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/4/96
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A redneck medical glossery:

genital .......... not a jew

enema .......... the opposite of a friend [I agree wiht that one!]

colon .......... some punctuation mark I don't know how to use

prostate ........ laying flat on the ground

artery ........... something with art work in it

liver ............. someone who is alive

cancer ........... what the boss does when his secretary rejects him
[you might have to say that one out loud to get it]

rectum .......... what the car did when it hit the guy


Yes, I know these are not in aphabetical order ... you expect a redneck to
know the alphabet?
---
Michael Morgan [no, I wasn't born in 1492 ;-)]

"Thou, whose name alone is JEHOVAH, art the most high." - Psalm 83:18, King James Version

Robin & Eryn

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Dec 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/4/96
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Scrotum------------ A small planet near your anus

dennis clark

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Dec 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/4/96
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In <32A5BE...@ix.netcom.com> Robin & Eryn <robn...@ix.netcom.com>
writes:
>
>Scrotum------------ A small planet near your anus

Hymen-----------A greeting to Male companions
Sabutai

Robert Lewis

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Dec 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/4/96
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morga...@aol.com wrote:
>
> A redneck medical glossery:

>
>
> enema .......... the opposite of a friend [I agree wiht that one!]
>

A man is suffering from prostate problems, but doesn't
want to go to the doctor and have usual rectal-digital
examination.

A friend suggests that palmetto hase been found to help
the prostate, but the man misunderstands the instruction
was to *eat* the palmetto leaves, and instead, shoves them
up his ass.

Still suffering, he finally goes to the doctor, who prepares
an enema prior to the exam. But then, he spots the palm
leaves sticking out of the man's butts, and observes:

"With fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

Mark S.

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Dec 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/4/96
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morga...@aol.com wrote:
>
> A redneck medical glossery:
>
> genital .......... not a jew
> enema .......... the opposite of a friend [I agree wiht that one!]
> colon .......... some punctuation mark I don't know how to use
> prostate ........ laying flat on the ground
> artery ........... something with art work in it
> liver ............. someone who is alive
> cancer ........... what the boss does when his secretary rejects him
> rectum .......... what the car did when it hit the guy

therapist.......... an Italian that collects delinquent hospital payments

Robert Lewis

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Dec 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/15/96
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Depend.....................Not de shallow end of de pool.

Desist.....................Female relative of de bro.

Depart.........What Herve Villechaise auditioned for on "Fantasy
Island."

Demented.......Took dat little candy off de hotel pillow.

Stuart A. Bronstein

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Dec 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/17/96
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Innuendo............. anal sex

Alex J. Long

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Jan 2, 1997, 3:00:00 AM1/2/97
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Robin & Eryn <robn...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:

>Scrotum------------ A small planet near your anus

I always thouhgt Scrotum was the name of the old butler, usualy
referred to as "The wrinkled Retainer".

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Alex Long
Adelaide, South Australia
________________________________________________________________
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Act III
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