Request for science jokes
Michael Pope
science related jokes/stories, true or not. Emailor post is fine.
Cheers,
Mick
--
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* The Wizard: Bringing a little magic into peoples lives. *
* "Gaze into my crystal ball, see what lies behind the wall, can't you *
* feel the wonder of it all?" *
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Erik Reuter
A: psi [this one is funny in print if you use the greek letter]
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a pygmy?
A: elephant pygmy sin theta
Big whirls have little whirls that feed on their velocity; and little
whirls have lesser whirls, and so on to viscosity.
-- Lewis Richardson
Heisenberg may have been here.
-- grafitti in a physics lab
Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical
mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on
the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study
statistical mechanics. Perhaps it will be wise to approach the subject
cautiously.
-- David L. Goodstein [ _States of Matter_ ]
Surely, Professor Bohr, you do not really believe that a horseshoe over
the entrance to a home brings good luck?
No, I certainly do not believe in this superstition. But you know, they
say it brings luck even if you don't believe in it.
-- A house visitor and Niels Bohr
Beware the quantum duck. Quark! Quark! Quark!
-- unknown
There was a young lady named Bright
whose speed was far faster than light.
She left one day,
in a relative way,
and returned home the previous night!
-- unknown
Bischoff, one of the leading anatomists of Europe, thrived in the 1870s.
He carefully measured brain weights, and after many years' accumulation
of much data he observed that the average weight of a man's brain was 1350
grams, that of a woman only 1250 grams. This at once, he argued, was
infallible proof of the mental superiority of men over women. Throughout his
life he defended this hypothesis with the conviction of a zealot. Being the
true scientist, he specified in his will that his own brain be added to his
impressive collection. The postmortem examination elicited the interesting
fact that his own brain weighed only 1245 grams.
-- Scientific American [March 1992]
But in physics I soon learned to scent out the paths that led to the
depths, and to disregard everything else, all the many things that
clutter up the mind, and divert it from the essential. The hitch in this
was, of course, the fact that one had to cram all this stuff into one's
mind for the examination, whether one liked it or not.
-- Albert Einstein
When a distinguished and elederly scientist says something is possible he
is probably right; if he says that something is impossible he is almost
certainly wrong.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
Virgilio Velasco
In a previous article, po...@physics.su.OZ.AU (Michael Pope) says:
>I am editor of the physics society magazine, and am looking for oodles of
>science related jokes/stories, true or not. Emailor post is fine.
>
>Cheers,
>
>Mick
>
It's almost finals time, and I feel like Schrodinger's cat
-- half-dead.
(If you use this, I'd like my name on it, please. Please
use my name as it appears on my sig file.)
--
Virgilio "Dean" Velasco Jr., grad student & roboticist-in-training, CWRU
"What does it profit a man to gain the whole | "Only Nixon could visit
world, yet lose his own soul?" - Mark 8:36 | China." - old Vulcan proverb
Paul
You get atomic ache.
If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?
The brunette, because the blond has to ask directions on the way down.
Thomas S. Marlowe
>I am editor of the physics society magazine, and am looking for oodles of
>science related jokes/stories, true or not. Emailor post is fine.
>Cheers,
>Mick
SCIENCE JOKES
==============
Just a few. There are more jokes if you are interested all stored in the
nearby FTP site. If you are interested, as the administrator of the site
for info - kha...@coos.dartmouth.edu.
Ky...@coos.dartmouth.edu
Thomas S. Marlowe
--
What the state does not give, it cannot take away. If human rights
are natural rights, as opposed to those that are civil, constitutional,
or legal, then their being rights by natural endowment makes them
*inalienable* in the sense just indicated. - Mortimer J. Adler
Keith Freedman
>There was a young lady named Bright
>whose speed was far faster than light.
>She left one day,
>in a relative way,
>and returned home the previous night!
>-- unknown
---
Keith Freedman
Los Alamos National Laboratory
free...@ilmen.lanl.gov
Maurice E. Suhre
>I am editor of the physics society magazine, and am looking for oodles of
>science related jokes/stories, true or not. Emailor post is fine.
I haven't posted this one for a while....
A promising graduate student was taking his PhD finals. He proceeded
through a derivation of this thesis and ended up with something like
F = -MA
Naturally, he was embarassed, his supervising professor was embarassed,
and the rest of the committee was embarassed. The student coughed and
said, "I seem to have a slight error back there somewhere."
One of the mathematicians observed dryly, "Either that, or an odd
number of them!"
===============
Two drunks were sitting in a bar talking. One of them
said, "Light travels from the sun to the earth at 186,000
miles per second. That's really fast."
The second responded, "I'm not surprised. It's downhill
all the way."
--
Maurice Suhre
su...@trwrb.dsd.trw.com
Rujith S DeSilva
There's a continuation that goes something like:
The lady was Bright but not bright,
And joined her companion next night
Then two became four (?)
.................... (?)
And her spouse got a hell of a fright.
I'm not sure of the exact wording of the limerick - can someone enlighten us?
TIM TIERNEY
>In article <1992Apr27.2...@ctr.columbia.edu>, free...@bellman.lanl.gov
>(Keith Freedman) writes:
>|> In article 34...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu, ky...@coos.dartmouth.edu (Thomas S.
>Marlowe) writes:
>|> >There was a young lady named Bright
>|> >whose speed was far faster than light.
>|> >She left one day,
>|> >in a relative way,
>|> >and returned home the previous night!
>|> >-- unknown
>|> -- Ogden Nash (I believe)
Here's another. Pretty Basic.
Little Reggie took a drink
But now he is no more
For what he though was H2O
Was H2SO4.
Mike van Scherrenburg
---
How about:
Mary had a little lamb,
a black sheep now is he,
for what she thought was rug shampoo,
was AgNO3.
Got the idea from reading "Black like Me" in high school. Don't know if it
does the same to sheep as it does to humans though.
---
Marla Belzowski (K-9's)
>>In article <1992Apr27.2...@ctr.columbia.edu>, free...@bellman.lanl.gov
>
>
>Little Reggie took a drink
>But now he is no more
>For what he though was H2O
>Was H2SO4.
Actually, I believe it goes...
Johnie was a chemist,
Johnie is no more,
For what he thought was H2O
was really, H2SO4.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Saavik
"There are always possibilities....."
But only one correct answer on a multiple choice test.
------------------------------------------------------------------a
D. Scott Kitchen (CCAC) <skitchen>
>Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a pygmy?
>A: elephant pygmy sin theta
I heard this somewhat differently...beware that I was a senior in MIT
freshman physics at the time...
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A: Elephant grape sin theta
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. A mountain climber is a scaler.
--
Scott Kitchen | GM, Kitchen Sinkers | ICBM: 40.88 N 74.56 W |
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A large section of the intelligentsia seems wholly devoid of intelligence.
--G. K. Chesterton
Sheila Wallace
>In article 34...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu, ky...@coos.dartmouth.edu (Thomas S. Marlowe) writes:
>>There was a young lady named Bright
>>whose speed was far faster than light.
>>She left one day,
>>in a relative way,
>>and returned home the previous night!
>>-- unknown
> -- Ogden Nash (I believe)
>
on NeXT) attributes this to Prof. Arthur Biller, 1874-1944.
Publication: _Punch_, 19 Dec. 1923.
Sheila
--
Sheila Wallace (sh...@spf.trw.com)
TRW, One Space Park, R2/2162, Redondo Beach, CA 90278
Maurice E. Suhre
There once was a fencer named Fisk
whose motion was extremely brisk.
So rapid his action
the Fitzgerald contraction
compressed his sword into a disk.
--
Maurice Suhre
su...@trwrb.dsd.trw.com
Indiana Jones
Once a Fellow from Trinity,
Took the square root of infinity.
But the number of digits,
Gave him the fidgets
So he dropped math and took up divinity.
It's long been an ambition of mine,
A new value of pi to define.
I'd round it to three
For it's easier you see
Than 3.14159.
There is a mathematician named Hall,
Who has a hexahedronical ball.
The cube of its weight
Times his pecker length plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call.
Enjoy,
-----
- Suresh Ramaswamy E-Mail: s-ram...@uiuc.edu
" E = M*C^2; it's not just a good idea, it's the law !!"
================================================================================
Jason R Black
>Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a pygmy?
>A: elephant pygmy sin theta
The way I heard that one was: What do you get when you cross a bear with a lionBear Lion Sin Theta
Then followed by What do you get when you cross a moutain climber with a lion?
You can't, a mountain climber is a scalar!!! :-)
--
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
m Jason R. Black, XAV...@JHUNIX.HCF.JHU.EDU, m
m THE JohnS Hopkins University m
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm