21 July Puns
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42296B43...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4129B3E7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > VAT: Tax on beer.
> > > >
> > > > Hebrew: What a male beer maker did.
> > >
> > > North Semitic: A gove-wearing ancestor of his who used to sail the
> > seas
> > > between the UK and Scandinavia.
> > >
> >
> > Semitic: Jewish parasite (the insect, not the human).
>
> Half a flea would have been a safer ting to say! - unless you're trying to
> do an imitation of Ken Livingstone!
>
> He's coming very close to losing my vote!
>
> http://icnorthlondononline.icnetwork.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=15258169&method=
> full&siteid=50102&headline=livingstone-attacks-israel-s-pm-name_page.html
>
> http://news.google.com/news?q=+%22Ken+Livingstone%22&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&sa=N
> &as_qdr=all&tab=nn&oi=newsr
>
> Unless your reader supports links this long, you'll have to copy and paste
> these URLs into the Address Field or they won't work.
>
> Address Field: Piece of agricultural land that's going to have houses built
> on it.
Address Field: Field to which female lower clothing will be added.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> On Sun, 14 Mar 2004 18:10:32 -0700, "MosZibby" <Naked@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
> >Larry Krzewinski wrote: A humourous joke.
> >
> >Mos asks: Can we really do that here?
>
> It's against the bylaws and counts as ten demerits but who the heck is
> gonna enforce it?
Chattering: Ring that talks as much as the donkey on Shrek.
Donkey: Unlocks the Mafia.
Monkey: Unlocks a monestary.
Turkey: Unlocks Thanksgiving.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> dobey the elf <dobe...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:1103429597.8...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > Abbey Normal wrote:
> > > "nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
> > > news:tm4xd.34601$Rf4....@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >
> > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > news:10s6apo...@corp.supernews.com...
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> "dobey the elf" <dobe...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > >> news:1103298756....@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com
> > > >> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >> >> nemo wrote:
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> > Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com>
> > > >> >> > wrote in message
> > > >> >> > news:l397c0pgrt4b54784...@4ax.com...
> > > >> >> > > On 6 Jun 2004 15:53:04 -0700,
> > > >> >> > > tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us (Tim
> > > >> > Bruening)
> > > >> >> > > wrote:
> > > >> >> > >
> > > >> >> > > >> I *am* the scorekeeper.
> > > >> >> > > >
> > > >> >> > > >What do you keep 20 of?
> > > >> >> > >
> > > >> >> > > Fingers and toes. Why?
> > > >> >> >
> > > >> >> > Not sheet music, or in the case of pop, shit music?
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> Sheet music: Played by the KKK band.
> > > >>
> > > >> Sheetmusic: Tunes to have sex by.
> > > >>
> > > >> > Sheetrock: music ghosts like!
> > > >>
> > > >> Sheetrock: Geographical formations birds use for a loo.
> > > >>
> > > > Sheet Trocken: Dry German whine with a very odd recipe!
> > > >
> > > >
> > > The liquor store down on the corner used to sell that whine, but it
> > was
> > > overpriced. I always thought they were out to gypsum one.
> > I heard that store was all talc!
> >
> Talc: Mg3Si4O10(OH)2
>
> Gypsum: CaSO4·2H2O
Gypsum: The con man sure gypsum people tonight!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> dobey the elf <dobe...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:1103429879....@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > Jon Delaney wrote:
> > >
> > > > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > news:0v2oe0dc5a4plealb...@4ax.com...
> > > > > On Wed, 7 Jul 2004 10:59:01 +0930, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> > about:
> > > > >
> > > > > >"Jenni Saqua" <mar...@awol.com> wrote in message
> > > > > >news:40eb1129$0$61938$d36...@news.calweb.com
> > > > > >> "Sheila Dundee" wrote ...
> > > > > >>> "J. A. Mc." wrote
> > > > > >>>> On Tue, 06 Jul Pierre Abbat found these unused words
> > floating
> > > > > >>>> about:
> > > > > >>>>
> > > > > >>>>> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > >>>>>> It's difficult to dance in high eeled shoes.
> > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > >>>>> Are you dancing the Virginia eel?
> > > > > >>>>>
> > > > > >>>> Just a little eel and toe tapping.
> > > > > >>>
> > > > > >>> And if I lose my glass slippery will come looking for me.
> > > > > >>>
> > > > > >> If 'e don't, wEel give 'im a good cloggin' we will!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I see we are right in step, sister!
> > > > > >
> > > > > So you're both about Sabot age?
> > > >
> > > > And now a song from Elvers Presley............
> > > > >
> > >
> > > Presley: Korean newspaper.
> > Korean newspaper: reading between the Li Ings?
> >
> Government newspaper that uses Operant Conditioning, the stress from the
> negative reinforcement in which gives you a pain in the belly: Gut Oppress.
Operant: Ant surgeon.
Tim Bruening
Foray: In favor of X-rays.
Galore: Female gold lode.
Gaiety, Gayety: Homosexual beverage.
Gamin: Male homosexuals.
Tim Bruening
Magnetic: An attractive tic.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Sritk <sr...@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:20040228003013...@mb-m27.aol.com...
> > Hate crime-how I feel about lawbreaking.
> > Hate speech-why I don't talk much.
> > Hate groups-why I don't belong to any clubs.
>
> Hateable: Why I eat on the floor.
> Hatefulness: Why I don't eat much.
Hating: I dislike bells.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFC9C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40A1E2CF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Gillian V wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > > news:4etf109tf60ia4nsf...@4ax.com...
> > > > > > On 28 Jan 2004 13:18:39 GMT, Dr Tormento <re...@togroup.com>
found
> > > these
> > > > > > unused words floating about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >"KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote in
> > > news:YPNRb.32277$Wa.4650@news-
> > > > > > >server.bigpond.net.au:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >> I think I may have caught bird flu....I'm feeling rather
> peckish.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >That's no way to beakin a thread!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Yes, it's not a crop, her start.
> > > > >
> > > > > It's enough to get you into a flap, though.
> > > >
> > > > Balk balk balk balk balk!
> > > >
> > > You have *five* snooker tables? So you got thirty pockets. You
must be
> very
> > > rich.
> >
> > Snooker: Deceitful dog.
>
> Snue-cur: Frummer lady kheled.
Frummer: Out of the ocean.
Hubble: What a space turkey says.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40C62AA8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Cliff Gieseke <clif...@swbell.net> wrote in message
> > > news:mTQwc.4607$bg6....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > > > Infantry -- baby tree
> > > >
> > > > Geometry -- the tree they used to build the pyramids
> > > >
> > > > Poultry -- the tree that has or had feathers
> > > >
> > > >
> > > Infantry - Baby soldiers.
> > >
> > > Adultry - What they get up to when they've grown up.
> > >
> > > Mechanised Light Infantry: Robot baby soldiers.
> >
> > I hope they don't suffer a Major Defeat, or General Disorder.
> >
> Or receive Corporal Punishment to the Private Parts!
Sergeant Pepper is nothing to be sneezed at.
Drill Sergeant: Officer in the tool army.
Tim Bruening
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42296B43...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:4129B3E7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > VAT: Tax on beer.
> > > > >
> > > > > Hebrew: What a male beer maker did.
> > > >
> > > > North Semitic: A gove-wearing ancestor of his who used to sail the
> > > seas
> > > > between the UK and Scandinavia.
> > > >
> > >
> > > Semitic: Jewish parasite (the insect, not the human).
That's called diplomacy, folks. That's called diplomacy!
> >
> > Half a flea would have been a safer ting to say! - unless you're trying
to
> > do an imitation of Ken Livingstone!
> >
> > He's coming very close to losing my vote!
> >
> >
http://icnorthlondononline.icnetwork.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=15258169&method=
> >
full&siteid=50102&headline=livingstone-attacks-israel-s-pm-name_page.html
> >
> >
http://news.google.com/news?q=+%22Ken+Livingstone%22&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&sa=N
> > &as_qdr=all&tab=nn&oi=newsr
> >
> > Unless your reader supports links this long, you'll have to copy and
paste
> > these URLs into the Address Field or they won't work.
> >
> > Address Field: Piece of agricultural land that's going to have houses
built
> > on it.
>
> Address Field: Field to which female lower clothing will be added.
The Gown Show: Vintage British radio comedy series about the rag trade
(dressmaking industry).
The Rag Trade: A real vintage British TV comedy series about the rag trade
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rag_Trade
nemo
Do the turkeys give thanks for having their necks wrung too?
Turky production line;
"Wrung wrtoo wrthree wrfour! Wrung wrtoo wrthree wrfour! Wrung wrtoo wrthree
wrfour! Wrung wrtoo wrthree wrfour! Wrung wrtoo wrthree wrfour! . . .
nemo
Until he got plastered so much he couldn't talc anymore.
nemo
. . or an angry e-mail to a TV station complaining they've put Wagner's
Ring on too many times!
Nazi bastard!
nemo
They'd better beak hairful or their wedding tackle might start urchin!
Gaminos: A pub game using black wooden tiles with white spots on played by
homeless boys when they're not out roaming the streets - and their socks!
nemo
Hatcheler: A man who loathes being single because he has to comb his hair
far too much whenever he goes out on a date, prune, fig etc.
nemo
In a vacuum? It'd explode!
That's another thing Hollywood always gets wrong. If Anna Strannaut gets a
hole in her space-suit, she don't just suffolk eight - she boils vapidly
away!
nemo
Randy Drill Sergeant training ghosts:
"Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay
Fright . . . "
nemo
You hated them about 20 messy jizz up already again too!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
2 Lays for $1!!!!!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
> Sergeant Pepper is nothing to be sneezed at.
>
> Drill Sergeant: Officer in the tool army.
>
nemo
nemo
> Frummer: Out of the ocean.
>
> Hubble: What a space turkey says.
>
beak horse no bugger can hear it!
nemo
And I wonder how much piddle licky goes on as a result of assy gnations in
Piccadilly, where the dillies all go to pick another dilly for
nefer-wry-arse purposes such as playing the pink oboe.
Comminist dandy: Pinko beau.
nemo
> Chattering: Ring that talks as much as the donkey on Shrek.
>
> Donkey: Unlocks the Mafia.
>
Then gets knocked off its feet by a bundle of washing thrown out of the
monastery laundry. Force of habit!
> Turkey: Unlocks Thanksgiving.
That's when the blind turkey farmer goes up to his turkeys with an axe in
his hand and they all start going "Moooooo!"
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Gar Field: Where orange cats are grown.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
2 Lays for $1!!!!!
nemo
That must have been a long time ago!
Yollep! Yollep! Yollep-Rye-lepp! Yollep-Rye-lepp! Yollep-Rye-lepp!
(The drill sergeant was a baker!)
How I D Ho Sin cratic can an R me get?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Search Field: What an arch�ologist does.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Search Field: What an archuologist does.
Gar Field: Where orange cats are grown.
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Nemo
>
> Gar Field: Where orange cats are grown.
Airfield: Where wigs are grown.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Gar Field: Where orange cats are grown.
Nemo
>
> Gar Field: Where orange cats are grown.
Garspital: Where orange cats do groan.