Masturbation euphemisms
Patrick Norman
Dennis Schindler
PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for masturbating?
I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here goes:
jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it wanking.
I think I need to expand my vocabulary. Anybody else?
Mark D. Smiley
: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
wrestling the bald man.
--
| Mark Smiley | I saw the best minds of my generation des- |
| Illinois State University | troyed by madness, starving, hysterical. I |
| mds...@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu | should be allowed to glue my poster, I should|
| msm...@ilstu.bitnet | be allowed to think. -- They Might Be Giants |
Joe Nardone
: Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
: : plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
: wrestling the bald man
Spanking the monkey
Beating the bishop
Pulling the pud
Choking the chicken
: --
: | Mark Smiley | I saw the best minds of my generation des- |
: | Illinois State University | troyed by madness, starving, hysterical. I |
: | mds...@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu | should be allowed to glue my poster, I should|
: | msm...@ilstu.bitnet | be allowed to think. -- They Might Be Giants |
--
=------------------------------------------------------------------=
Joe Nardone | " ." - excerpt
nar...@clark.net | from the Richard Nixon White House Tapes
Dazed and Confused
>Mark D. Smiley (mds...@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu) wrote:
>: Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
>: : plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
>: wrestling the bald man
>Spanking the monkey
>Beating the bishop
>Pulling the pud
>Choking the chicken
How about slapping the salami or cranking your wank?
Clive.Dennison
>From: mds...@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu (Mark D. Smiley)
>Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
>Date: Wed, 29 Mar 1995 17:46:09 GMT
>Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
>: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
>: PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for masturbating?
>: I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here goes:
>: jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it wanking.
In Zimbabwe there is a Game Reserve called "Uwanke", which was formerly
corrupted to "Wankie" Game Reserve. This led to the riddle:-
Q: What was the Garden of Eden called before the advent of Eve?
A: The Wankie Game Reserve!
Clivius
PMAH...@maine.maine.edu
Wayne Richard
Christopher Mackay
The cheap date
The five-fingered workout
Paul
Waxing my dolphin
--
Don't end up as Road Kill along the Information Super Highway
Richard Vibert
dh5...@rncb.demon.co.uk (Danny Humphreys) wrote:
>
> Pull your hood
> Choke the chicken
> Wrestle your action man
> Jerk your gerkin
> Tommy tank (rhyming slang)
> Shoot your muck
> Shoot your wad
> Shoot your load
> Pam Armstrong and her 5 sisters
> Toss
> Master Bate
> Mass Debate
> Cream your pants
>
Or even;
Wringing out the one eyed blue viened junket pumper
Schizoid
hence you see a lot of jokes on i-net like GMBater...... :)
later
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seth Carlson scar...@wam.umd.edu
"Darn, if I only had my Robert Jordan book..." -- me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reo H. Maynard
: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
How about:
Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
--
_____________________________
-Scipio [sci...@infi.net] \
Reo H. Maynard III at InfiNet |
_____________________________ /
SRB...@oduvm.bitnet
choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, and there was one that escapes me
right now that had to do with a pickle (?). Of course if you want some
good euphanisms for having sex, I almost died laughing at the end of the
movie, "Grumpy Old Men" where they use such things as Taking the skin boat
to Tuna Town, putting the hot dog in the bun, and many others. If you have
seen it you understand what I am talking about.
Rob Carscadden
>
>
> In article <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>, sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
> Path: taco.cc.ncsu.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!news.sprintlink.net!news.infi.net!larry!scipio
> From: sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard)
> Newsgroups: rec.humor
> Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
> Date: Mon, 1 May 95 22:06:55 EDT
> Organization: InfiNet
> Lines: 19
> Distribution: world
> Message-ID: <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
> References: <plnormanD...@netcom.com> <95032823...@nwcs.org>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: larry.infi.net
> X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
>
> Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
> : plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
> >Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
>
>
>
> Flogging the bishop
>
> Playing pocket pool
>
> Having sex with someone who loves you
>
> waxing the weasel
>
> --
> Ralph Craig .sig under construction, please be patient.
> 104-9 Horne St.
> Raleigh, NC 27607 Send me a postcard, I'll send you one.
> --
> --
> Ralph Craig
Polishing your nightstick
Priming the Pump
Booping your Baloney
Playing with Mr. Happy
Cleaning your rifle
Chocking your chicken
> sorry I stole your duck joke Ralph.
> rob
Adam Bottomley
Shaking hands with the unemployed.
Paying a visit to Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters.
bs...@rs.ucc.okstate.edu
>of course you forgot to mention these in your list.
>to Tuna Town, putting the hot dog in the bun, and many others. If you have
>seen it you understand what I am talking about.
Like Taking the one eyed monster to the optometrist?
How about some more.
kh2...@nyssa.swt.edu
>
> In article <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>, sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
> Path: taco.cc.ncsu.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!news.sprintlink.net!news.infi.net!larry!scipio
> From: sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard)
> Newsgroups: rec.humor
> Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
> Date: Mon, 1 May 95 22:06:55 EDT
> Organization: InfiNet
> Lines: 19
> Distribution: world
> Message-ID: <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
> References: <plnormanD...@netcom.com> <95032823...@nwcs.org>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: larry.infi.net
> X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
>
> Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
>>Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
>
>
> Spanking the monkey
>
> Flogging the bishop
>
> Playing pocket pool
>
> Having sex with someone who loves you
>
> waxing the weasel
>
> --
> Ralph Craig .sig under construction, please be patient.
> 104-9 Horne St.
> Raleigh, NC 27607 Send me a postcard, I'll send you one.
> --
> --
> Ralph Craig
You forgot:
Waxing the dolphin
Boppin the baloney
Chokin the chicken
Visting Rosey Palm and her 5 sisters
Jerkin the Gherkin
and Dolloping the weener. :-)
RHEES LANE
sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
>Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
>: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
>: PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for
masturbating?
>: I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here
goes:
>: jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it
wanking.
>: I think I need to expand my vocabulary. Anybody else?
>How about:
>Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
>-->o
Who could forget classics like "spanking the monkey" and
"choaking the chicken"?
John B. Ferrigan
!!!!==========bs...@rs.ucc.okstate.edu, 5/3/95==========
!!!!
!!!!In article <95122.131...@ODUVM.BITNET>, <SRB...@ODUVM.BITNET>
!!!!wrote:
!!!!>of course you forgot to mention these in your list.
!!!!>movie, "Grumpy Old Men" where they use such things as Taking the skin
!!!!boat
!!!!>to Tuna Town, putting the hot dog in the bun, and many others. If you
!!!!have
!!!!>seen it you understand what I am talking about.
!!!!
!!!!Like Taking the one eyed monster to the optometrist?
!!!!
!!!!How about some more.
!!!!
!!!!
How about Shakin' Hands with the Unemployed
Jerkin the Gherkin
My $0.02.
df...@lehigh.edu
David F. Keppel
The Computing Center - Ext. 84019
179 E.W. Fairchild/Martingdale Library Bldg. 8B
Brian LeBail
>
>In article <3o5hoc$p...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu>, rrc...@eos.ncsu.edu (Ralph Ray Craig) writes:
>>
>> In article <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>, sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
>> Path: taco.cc.ncsu.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!news.sprintlink.net!news.infi.net!larry!scipio
>> From: sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard)
>> Newsgroups: rec.humor
>> Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
>> Date: Mon, 1 May 95 22:06:55 EDT
>> Organization: InfiNet
>> Lines: 19
>> Distribution: world
>> Message-ID: <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
>> References: <plnormanD...@netcom.com> <95032823...@nwcs.org>
>> NNTP-Posting-Host: larry.infi.net
>> X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
>>
>> : plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
>> : PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for masturbating?
>>
>> : I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here goes:
>>
>> : jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it wanking.
>>
>> : I think I need to expand my vocabulary. Anybody else?
>>
>>
>>>How about:
>>>Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
>>
>>
>>
>> Flogging the bishop
>>
>> Playing pocket pool
>>
>> Having sex with someone who loves you
>>
>> waxing the weasel
>>
>> --
>> Ralph Craig .sig under construction, please be patient.
>> 104-9 Horne St.
>> Raleigh, NC 27607 Send me a postcard, I'll send you one.
>> --
>> --
>> Ralph Craig
>
>
> You forgot:
>
>Waxing the dolphin
>Boppin the baloney
>Chokin the chicken
>Visting Rosey Palm and her 5 sisters
>Jerkin the Gherkin
>and Dolloping the weener. :-)
>
>
>
Punchin' the Munchkin
Slapping The Salami
>
>
Ken Kramer
Burping the Dolphin
wtcoper1
Slamming your salomy
Slapping your sword
Pumping your palsating pelikin
Grease your granola
Beat your dummy
Fondle the one eye willy
Polish your lovable connection
Your not a man until you have the gland in your hand!
Bobbing for seaman
The erection connection
Lovable 8in play toy
Relocating the love shaft
Loving old lefty
Switch hands and gain a stroke
hade...@uwyo.edu
doing the knuckle shuffle on the piss pump!
>
>
>
>
dma...@freenet.vcu.edu
jostling ones elder
though of course there is
cuffing ones carrot
spanking ones monkey
stroking ones spoke,
etc.
--
Nomad
What is the difference between Rust Limpbutt and Forest Gump?
Forest Gump went to Vietnam!
Su Hallenbeck
>Newsgroups: rec.humor
>Path: magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!Germany.EU.net!EU.net!uunet!ncrgw2.ncr.com!ncrhub6!daynews!ranger!news
>From: wtcoper1 <first...@xxxxxxx.aaaaa.bbb>
>Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
>X-Nntp-Posting-Host: wtcoper1.daytonoh.attgis.com
>Message-ID: <D88KA...@ranger.daytonoh.attgis.com>
>Sender: ne...@ranger.daytonoh.attgis.com (News Administrative Login)
>Reply-To: first...@xxxxxxx.aaaaa.bbb
>Organization: Company, Address
>X-Newsreader: DiscussIT for Windows (1.8.6) [Software Products Division of AT&T/NCR]
>References: <plnormanD...@netcom.com> <95032823...@nwcs.org> <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net> <3o5hoc$p...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu> <1995May...@nyssa.swt.edu>
>Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 01:32:29 GMT
>Lines: 20
Or one I heard at a George Carlin concert:
"Shaking hands with the unemployed"
karen matroni
On Thu, 4 May 1995, RHEES LANE wrote:
> <95032823...@nwcs.org> <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
>
> sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
>
> >Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
> >: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
> >: PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for
> masturbating?
>
> >: I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here
> goes:
>
> >: jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it
> wanking.
>
> >: I think I need to expand my vocabulary. Anybody else?
>
>
> >How about:
> >Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
>
> >-->o
> Who could forget classics like "spanking the monkey" and
> "choaking the chicken"?
>
>
Watching Beavis and Butthead should give you a plethora of masturbation
synonyms. ....huh huh cool
...or you could just say visiting Rosy Palm and her five sisters....
Karen
kmat...@darwin.cc.nd.edu
Stuart Leitch
Sleeping with Pam and her five sisters
Lorie Lanktree
: rrc...@eos.ncsu.edu (Ralph Ray Craig) wrote:
: >
: >
: > In article <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>, sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
: > Path: taco.cc.ncsu.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!news.sprintlink.net!news.infi.net!larry!scipio
: > From: sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard)
: > Newsgroups: rec.humor
: > Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
: > Date: Mon, 1 May 95 22:06:55 EDT
: > Organization: InfiNet
: > Lines: 19
: > Distribution: world
: > Message-ID: <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
: > References: <plnormanD...@netcom.com> <95032823...@nwcs.org>
: > NNTP-Posting-Host: larry.infi.net
: > X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
: > : plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
: > : PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for masturbating?
: >
: > : I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here goes:
: >
: > : jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it wanking.
: >
: > : I think I need to expand my vocabulary. Anybody else?
: >
: >
: > >How about:
: > >Doing the "five-knuckle shuffle."
: >
: > Spanking the monkey
: >
: > Flogging the bishop
: >
: > Playing pocket pool
: >
: > Having sex with someone who loves you
: >
: > waxing the weasel
: >
: > --
: > Ralph Craig .sig under construction, please be patient.
: > 104-9 Horne St.
: > Raleigh, NC 27607 Send me a postcard, I'll send you one.
: > --
: > --
: > Ralph Craig
: Polishing your nightstick
: Priming the Pump
: Booping your Baloney
: Playing with Mr. Happy
: Cleaning your rifle
: Chocking your chicken
:
: > sorry I stole your duck joke Ralph.
: > rob
pullin' the pud
making out with the Hand sisters
--
^ I think that I shall never see, ! Lorie Lanktree
^ ! ^ A poem as lovely as a tree. !ak...@freenet.toronto.on.ca
^ ! ^ Poems are made by fools like me, !
! But only GOD can make a tree. "Trees by Joyce Kilmer"
Paul
>
>
>
>On Thu, 4 May 1995, RHEES LANE wrote:
>
>> <95032823...@nwcs.org> <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
>>
>>
>> >Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
>> >: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
>> >: PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for
>> masturbating?
>>
>> >: I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this but here
>> goes:
>>
>> >: jack off, jerk off, beat the meat, and in England they call it
>> wanking.
>>
>> >: I think I need to expand my vocabulary. Anybody else?
>>
Having a date with Rosey Palm and her five sisters
Troy D. Hood
>> Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for
>> masturbating?
Pullin' his pud
Jerkin' his gherkin
Chokin' his chicken
Spankin' his monkey
Rubbin' his nubbin'
Playing solitaire with the flesh deck
That's all I can come up with right now.
ciao-
Troy Hood
Michael Biggs
: On Thu, 4 May 1995, RHEES LANE wrote:
: > <95032823...@nwcs.org> <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
: >
: > sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
: >
: > >Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
: > >: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
: > >: PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for
: > masturbating?
: >
Shaking hands with the mayor!
steve ericson
: karen matroni (kmat...@strauss.helios.nd.edu) wrote:
Having a tug of war with cyclops
D. Mckiernan
>From: karen matroni <kmat...@strauss.helios.nd.edu>
>Subject: Re: Masturbation euphemisms
>Date: Wed, 10 May 1995 17:55:03 -0500
>On Thu, 4 May 1995, RHEES LANE wrote:
>> <95032823...@nwcs.org> <3o443v$m...@lucy.infi.net>
>>
>> sci...@infi.net (Reo H. Maynard) writes:
>>
>> >Dennis Schindler (dennis.s...@nwcs.org) wrote:
>> >: plno...@netcom.com (Patrick Norman) implored:
>> >: PN>Can someone please post or send me a list of synonyms for
>> masturbating?
I got this list from a friend and I have no idea where he got it from, but I
think it covers the majority of possibilities (sorry for repeating some that
were said before)
Declan
The Canonical List of Different Ways to Say "Masturbation"
******************************************************
audition the finger puppets
backstroke roulette
bash the candle
be a virtuoso of the skin flute
beat off
beat the bishop
beat the dummy
beat the meat
beat the stick
beat up your date
beef-stroke-it-off
bleed the weed
blow your load
bludgeon the beefsteak
bop the baloney
box the jesuit and get cockroaches
boxin' the bald champ
buff the banana
burp the baby
burp the worm
butter the corn
choke Kojak
choke the chicken
choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
clamp the pipe
clean your rifle
climb Mount Baldy
closet Frisbee
come into your own
cook the cream of cock
corral the tadpoles
couch hockey for one
crank the shank
crimp the wire
crown the king
cuff the carrot
diddle
do a hand job
do battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
do handiwork
do the janitor thing
drain the monster
engage in safe sex
fist fuck
fist your mister
five knuckle shuffle
flog the dog
flog the dong
flog the hog
flog your mule
fondle the fig
friggit
gallup the antelope
genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion
get a date with Slick Mittens
get the German soldier marching
get to know yourself
give it a tug
go a couple of rounds with ol' josh
go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
grease the pipe
hack the hog
have a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
have a date with Fisty Palmer
have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
have a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming
slang)
have it off
have sex with someone you love
hitchhike to heaven
hitchhike under the big top
hold the sausage hostage
hug the hog
hump your hose
jack hammer
jack off
jazz yourself
jerk off
jerkin' the Gherkin
juggling the coullions
meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
lope the mule
make instant pudding
make the bald man puke
mangle the midget
manipulate the mango
manual override
master bacon
meet Rosie Hancock
milk the cow
milk the lizard
mount a corporal and four
nerk your throbber
null the void
oil the glove
onan's olympics
pack your palm
paddle the pickle
paint the ceiling
paint the pickle
peel the banana
peel some chilies
perform diagnostics on your ManTool
play a little five-on-one
play in a one-man show
play five against one
play pocket pinball
play pocket pool
play tug-of-war with the cyclops
play Uno
please your pisser
plunk your twanger
polish Percy in your palm
polish the family jewels
polish the rocket
polish the sword
pound off
pound the bald-headed moose
pound the pud
pound your flounder
pull off
pull rank
pull the carrot
pull the cord
pull the five-knuckle shuffle
pull the goalie
pull the pole
pull the pope
pull your prick
pull your taffy
pump the python
punchin' the munchkin
ram the ham
ride the great white knuckler
roll your own
rope the pony
rope the pope
rub off
rub one out
run off a batch by hand
sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
scour the tower of power
self abuse
self-induced penile regurgitation
shag
shake hands with the unemployed
shake hands with your John Thomas
shake hands with your wife's best friend
shemp the hog
shift gears
shine the helmet
shine your pole
shoot putty at the moon
shoot skeet (pull...shoot)
shoot the moon
slakin' the bacon
slam the ham
slam the spam
slammin' the salmon
slap high fives with Yul Brynner
slap the carrot, slap the clown
slap the donkey
slap the pud
slap the salami
slappin' pappy
sling the jelly
snap the monkey
snap the rubber
snap the whip
solo sex
spank the frank
spank the monkey
spank the salami
squeeze the cheese
squeeze the juice
stinky pinky
stir the yogurt
stoke it
stroke it
stroke off
stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
stroke the dog
stroke the satin-headed serpent
stroke your poker
take matters into your own hands
take the monster for a one-armed ride
take part in population control
tease the weenie
tenderize the tube steak
test the testicles
test your batteries
the art of Unisex
tickly my fancy
tickle the pickle
toss off
toss the turkey
twang the wire
thump the pump
tweak your twinkie
varnish the flagpole
wack the one-eyed worm
wack the weasel
wack the willie
walk the dog
walk the plank
wank
wax the carrot
wax the dolphin
wax your surfboard
whack off
whip off
whip the dummy
whip the wire
whip up some sour cream
whip your dripper
whizzin' jism
wixen
wonk your conker
work off
wrestle the eel
wring out your rope
wrist aerobics
yank off
yank the crank
yank your plank
yank the yoyo
rob carscadden
told me a new one:
Joslting your Elder
In praise of the former surgeon general.
Ryan Wilson
> Having a tug of war with cyclops
Polishing the Bishop
--
Ryan Wilson
Portland, OR
Garry Tiedemann
Playing pocket billiards
Jerkin' the gherkin
Cheers
Damir Smitlener
Mckiernan) wrote:
[...snip...]
> The Canonical List of Different Ways to Say "Masturbation"
> ******************************************************
>
>
> audition the finger puppets
> backstroke roulette
> bash the candle
[...snip...etc...]
firing the surgeon general
--
damir smitlener |
da...@mindspring.com |
smi...@optica.mirc.gatech.edu |
J Austin David
:Damir Smitlener (da...@mindspring.com) wrote:
:: firing the surgeon general
:Is that really what you think about while you are milking your manhood???
:OBJoke:
:What's the ultimate rejection?
:Your hand falls asleep while you're masturbating.
A personal favorite: going 'number three.'
--
J Austin David gt4...@prism.gatech.edu
http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/austin/
Schuegraf
Joseph Douglas McLain
mca...@vax.sbu.ac.uk
> Racing slot cars
what?