Jokes about Texas
frank....@chessboard.com
Subject: Request: Jokes about Texas
brob...@ix.netcom.com writes:
BR> Awhile ago, when Texans began to invade Rocky Mountain ski resorts,
BR> a popular bumper sticker read: "If God Had Meant For Texans To Ski,
BR> He Would Have Made Bullshit White".
--------------
Around Guthrie Oklahoma, they teel the story of the visitor
from Texas who was bigger than any man they had ever seen.
Unfortunately, he fell sick. When he was obviously on his
deathbed, the undertaker got worried. He didn't have a coffin
big enough to fit him in stock.
The undertaker took his worries to the doctor. Who
understood.
Doc gave Tex an enema, and the next day they buried him in a
shoebox.
_________________
A Texan was visiting South of the border, when he heard a
Mexican say, "Loco Gringo!"
"You have to remember," he replied' "That there is a fine line
between genius and insanity,"
"Yes. We call it the Rio Grande."
-----------------
He had a smile like a Texas river. A mile wide and an inch
deep.
--------------
There is a story that the devil once owned Texas.
You can understand why he preferred to live in Hell.
_____________________________________________________________
|frank....@chessboard.com| |
| & FRANK PALMER (c) | If every man who lives |
| are registered trademarks | by the gun were laid end |
| of Wetware Inc. which | to end, I wouldn't be at |
| has sole ownership of any | all surprised. |
| opinions expressed herein | Daddy Maverick |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
Greg Hastings
both states.
ghas...@halcyon.com Greg Hastings
You can't depend on your judgement when your
imagination is out of focus.
Rhonda Rubin
because Oklahoma sucks.
--
"The dew fell with a particularly sickening thud this morning."
Rich Adams
>
>The dumbest man in Oklahoma moved to Texas, raising the average IQ of
>both states.
>ghas...@halcyon.com Greg Hastings
I'm from TEXAS, what country you from?
DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS, ASSHOLE!
Vern Myers
:wq
Rich Adams (richi...@mail.utexas.edu) wrote:
Katie Sehorn
Ah. Apparently this is someone who fits the punchline of my
favourite-ever Texas joke. (I posted it a while back, so don't go
looking in this article for it. Maybe in a month when everyone's
forgotten it again, I'll run it. =)
Now here's my favourite April Fool's Day prank (this was pulled from
the canonical list - many thanks to whomever originated it =):
1) This is preferably done the night before. Since Mar 31 is a
Friday this year, I seriously doubt there will be a problem with your
roomie being gone that night, unless you're hosting the party. =)
2) Get hold of either another person, or a flat sheet if you
don't want anyone else in on the gag (or have no friends).
3) Take the bottom drawer out of your roommate's bureau. If you
are doing this solo, put the drawer in the middle of the sheet and fold
the sheet so it drapes over the top and covers the drawer.
4) Turn the drawer upside down and put it back in the bureau. If
you had a second person with you, it's his/her job to hold all the
clothes in. If you did this solo, gently tug the sheet out from the
bureau (without yanking the drawer back out, or you'll have just pulled
this prank on yourself).
5) Repeat steps 2-4 with all the drawers. Remember to work from
the bottom and go up so the clothes from an inverted drawer don't fall
into an upright drawer below it.
This is most fun with the socks/underwear drawer.
Enjoy,
Katie Sehorn
--
&***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|***||XX|
Katie Sehorn, Willamette University Go Bearcats, whatever those are!
Send meaningful responses, hugs and flames to seh...@willamette.edu
I only speak for myself, unless I say otherwise. So nyaah.
Mark Elliott
>So how does it feel to be from the SECOND largest state in the union?
Beats the hell outa being from the TENTH largest, which I am.
Know why a South Texan is like a wet saddle blanket?
They both tend to chap your ass after a while....
Troy Hash
I was told this one by a Texan:
Q: What keeps a 'Coon-Ass' from being a 'dumb-ass'?
A: The Sabine river.
For the rest of the world:
(Coon-Ass is a nickname for someone from Louisiana...supposedly
not derogatory! The Sabine River separates Louisiana from
east Texas...Oh God, I sound just like that humorless 'moderator'
Maddi Sigourny Whatever of rec.humor.funny...I'll never do it
again. I promise.)
--
Troy M. Hash Texan for 5 years
!!>>>> My Opinions Do Not Reflect Those Of My Employer <<<<!!
"You'll be absolutely free, Only if you want to be..."F.Zappa
frank....@chessboard.com
Subject: Texas Jokes
Vern Myers (ve...@vcd.hp.com) writes:
VM> : DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS ASSHOLES!
We were asked for jokes about Texans.
We told jokes about Texans.
If they all came out the way you describe, that may be because
there aren't any other Texans.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
Mark Stockwell
Texas Joke 1:
A Texan asked a Cajun, "Why do they call y'all coon asses?"
The Cajun answered, "Because we got a lotta coons here in Louisiana. You know,
like they got a lotta horses in Texas..."
Texas Joke 2:
A Texan once told his son: "Never ask a man where he's from, son. If he's
from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, don't embarass the man by
askin'..."
Mark
Dopefish
Here I am
My cheeks a-flexin'
Just gave birth
To another Texan
;)
Rhonda Rubin
As a Texan (all mah life, Bubba), I must say that Vern is right, I don't
want *my* asshole messed with.
Michael Nist
What do they call a 'queer' in Texas?
Someone who likes girls better than he likes football.
Dennis Filer
>>both states.
cars...
The Nort' Dakotans kept getting their feet tangled up in the steering
wheel!
sin...@wave.scar.utoronto.ca
>
>Seen scribbled on a bathroom wall:
I saw this in Webster's Dictioniary (sp?):
"If I owned Texas and hell, I would rent out Texas and live in hell."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Rajendra Singh, B. Sc. (Comp. Sci.) sin...@lake.scar.utoronto.ca
---------------------------------------------------------------------
kim costello
Organization: Vnet Internet Access, Inc. - Charlotte, NC. (704) 374-0779
>Seen scribbled on a bathroom wall:
I saw this in Webster's Dictioniar (sp?):
"If I owned Texas and hell, I would rent out Texas and live in hell."
I do believe that's attributable to Mark Twain.
--
*******************************************************
You can keep my things; they've come to take me home.
*******************************************************
Clark Simmons
General Sherman said it during the U.S.-Mexican War ca 1846. Didn't
know Mark Twain was ever in Texas.
Clark Simmons
A: Spotting an Okie at the airport with a one-way ticket home. And a
Texan under each arm.
dma...@freenet.vcu.edu
Definition of a Texan: A Mexican on his way to Oklahoma.
--
Nomad
Watch for Shadows!
They move when you aren't looking at them!
MA's No Fear
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>Newsgroups: rec.humor
>Subject: Jokes about Texas
>From: frank....@chessboard.com
>Message-ID: <REHU...@chessboard.com>
>Date: Thu, 30 Mar 95 11:00:00 CST
>Organization: The Chess Board BBS (312)784-3019
>Lines: 17
>frank....@chessboard.com
>Subject: Texas Jokes
>Vern Myers (ve...@vcd.hp.com) writes:
> VM> : DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS ASSHOLES!
Don't plan on messing with any Texan's asshole anytime soon, thank you.
Actually, somebody probably already thought of that, but I don't care.
And now I'm going to write enough to fool my mailer.
Sorry about wasting space.
Wesley F Wright
>I saw this in Webster's Dictioniary (sp?):
>"If I owned Texas and hell, I would rent out Texas and live in hell."
Hey Mr. Rajendra,
I own a Webster's Dictionary. What word did you look up to get that
definition? Your help is appreciated. Thanks.
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** Wes Wright wfwr...@corp.hp.com **
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Jose Carlos Maia
The Sabine River (Lousiana humor . . .)
.
:wq
Woodduc601
"Who ate the big white mint?"