New Words For The 90s
Clay
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>New Words for the 90's
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>Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
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>Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
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>Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
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>Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
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>Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on,
looking for references to one's own name.
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>Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators
running.
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>Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards.
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>Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.
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>Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a big mistake.
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>Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."
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>Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going
on.
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>SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of
them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income,
Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
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>Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
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>Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce
with no kids, no property and no regrets.
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>Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.
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>Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
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>Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation
from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest
were
just tourists."
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>Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
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>Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.
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>Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing
it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees
who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
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>Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in
an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
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>Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
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>Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their
beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in
mid-sentence.
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>Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first
we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
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>Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are
useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull.
Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."
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>Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of
how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience
Shackophobia.
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>Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of
planning to leave a company or department soon.
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>Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually
forgot what city we were in."
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>GOOD Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in
order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they
are
solvent again.
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>Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying,
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were
a
prime example.
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>Midair Passenger Exchange - Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a
head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly followed by
"aluminum rain."
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>PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair
and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've
submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless
users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another
variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his
system."
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>Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
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>Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits
over everything and then leaves.
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>Square-headed Girlfriend - Another word for a computer. The victim of
a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."
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>Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven
digits.
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>Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is uh,..Dale, my...um...friend..."
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>Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail ofa
vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the
number
of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask
the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.
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>Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all
the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm
re-boot
for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control
key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
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>Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We
all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."
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