science jokes (20/21)
Joachim Verhagen
P__________________________________________________________________________
From: m...@pookie.pass.wayne.edu (Michael J. Edelman)
Another favorite, learned late in life, for electronics types:
Eli the Ice man.
It's for remembering whether current leads voltage or lags it in reactive
circuits.
In inductive ('L') circuits, voltage ('E') leads current ('I'), hence
'E L I'.
In capacitive ('C') circuits, it's the other way, so 'I C E'.
P_________________________________________________________________________
From: how...@physics.utexas.edu (Chris Howe)
I have a relatively good one (albeit fairly useless) for
remembering the order that the nuclear shells get filled up as you add
more nucleons to the nucleus:
spuds if pug dish of pig
If you write it down and then cross out all of the vowels except for
the final 'i' you get
spdsfpgdshfpig
and since you are worying about nuclear levels, you already know the
spectroscopic notation: spdfghi s=0, p=1, ... so if you start numbering
above these letters how many times the letter has occured, you get the
principal quantum number, and angular momentum of the energy states in the
order that they are filled:
11121212312312
spdsfpgdshfpig
(Remember that in nuclear shells the angular momentum can be greater than
the principal quantum number...)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
=8.5 CHEMISTRY
C__________________________________________________________________________
PERIODIC TABLE
From: mj...@mrao.cam.ac.uk (Martin Hardcastle)
OK, _my_ high school teacher had the following:
"Hell! Here're Little Beatniks Brandishing Countless Numbers Of Flick
kNives."
H He Li Be B C N O F er, Ne
"Naughty Maggie Always Sips Pure Sweet Claret"
N Mg Al Si P S Cl
He couldn't remember any more after that, so nor can I.
From: kirr...@union3.su.swin.edu.au (Kirrily Robert - SINN Editor)
"Hi Helen, Little Betty Boron Can Not Often Find
Neddy. Naughty Meg Always SiPS Chlorine in <thinko - no idea what this is>
Kenny's Car"
From: d...@torfree.net (Doug Forkes)
Harry HElped LIttle BEnny Balmer Carry Neat Oysters From Neptune's
NAtural MenaGerie ALways SInging Polite Sonnets CLearly ARf Key CAsually.
From: Charles Williams <s2...@dcta.demon.co.uk>
Healthy Little Beggar Boys Catching Newts Or Fish
From: dbro...@metz.une.edu.au (David Bromage)
When I was an undergraduate I heard a good one for the Lanthanide series.
Little Cute People Need Plenty Sex Every Given Time Despite having Enough
Through Young Love. (La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Th Yb Lu)
From: "Rebecca M. Chamberlin" <rlmi...@lanl.gov>
A mnemonic for the lanthanide elements (Ce - Lu):
Currently parties never provide sexy English girls that drink heavily,
even though you look.
From: m...@treflan.shout.net (Michael Elizabeth Chastain)
The second half of the lanthanides:
The Dancers Have Everything That You Love
Terbium Dysprosium Holmium Erbium Thulium Ytterbium Lutetium
From: Mike Brown <mdbr...@uiuc.edu>
I'll list a few of mine. The rest make reference to various parts of the
anatomy or just names of people I know. I have them for all but the inner
transitions, your mileage may vary.
Group:
I Her Little Name Klub; Ruby, Cessie and Francie.
II Before Megan Can Start Barry Raids the alkaline earth metals
III Boring Al's Galloping Indian on a horse named Thallium
IV Carbon has Silicon German (word for breasts) and Tin Sin feinn drinks
in a Lead Pub (Sn for tin and Pb for lead)
V Now Paddy's Arse And Timony's Sub all go swimming in a Bismuth tub
Group VI and VII I already knew
0 His Noblemen Are Kwite Xtra Rude
From: Joel Gordon <jgo...@taconic.net>
Many years ago (1963) I was required to learn the entire periodic table
(except the transuranium elements) for a course entitled "Advanced
Inorganic Chemistry." While I did not have any mnemonics, I did find that
the entire table can be PRONOUNCED, and I memorized it that way, a row at a
time. I still receive requests from my daughter in college to recite it for
her friends, an exercise which can make one feel like an incredible geek.
From: Martin Ystenes <yst...@kjemi.unit.no>
This one is probably best in Norwegian, but as far as I can see it can be
easily transferred to other languages. I teach it to my students every
year:
Hy! He!
LiBe BoCNOF Ne!
NaMgAl SiPSClAr
KaCaScaTi VaCroMan
FeCoNiCu "Zed Enn"
GaGe AsSe BroKr
I wonder who will be the first one to include this in a song.
From: David Mascord <da...@dtvm31.demon.co.uk>
Aa an undergraduate I learnt to sound the first 36 symbols as one very
long word:
HHeLiBeBCNOFNeNaMgAlSiPSClArKCaScTiVCrMnFeCoNiCuZnGaGeAsSeBr
Essentially every consonant is sounded with "c" replaced by "k" and the
two initial "h" sounded as "huh" "huh". I can still remember it so it
obviously worked for me!
From: Peter Swindells <cs1...@wlv.ac.uk>
I remembered the two short periods as two separate words that went (more
or less phonetically:
Helibebcanofnee
and
Namgalsipsclar
From: law...@pax.llnl.gov (William S. Lawson)
From: DPi...@world.std.com (Richard D Pierce)
How about Feynman's mnemonic for the third period of the periodic table:
"NeNa, M'gAl, SiPS Chlorine"?
H H He
Li Be B C N O F Ne
Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar
From: cumm...@u.washington.edu (Mike Cummings)
Let me offer this one, see if it's any better. A High School teacher
taught me, "H! HeLiBebCNOFNeNaMgAlSiPSiCl!" Not much help, huh? Here's a
pronunciation key:
"H!" (Just make a loud H, then pause, looking as if you're about to pounce.
Nice dramatic effect that gets the listener's attention.)
"Heh-Lee-Beb-K'Noff-" (Easy so far)
"N'Nahm" (That's N(schwa) - Nahm[rhymes with bomb])
"Gall-Sip-Sickle"
From: har...@kauri.vuw.ac.nz (John Harper)
And in chemistry we eventually learnt to pronounce the following, though
each line seems harder than the one before:
HHeLiBeBCNOF
NeNaMgAlSiPSCl
AKCaScTiVCrMnFeCoNiCuZnGaGeAsSeBr
(this was before they changed it to ArKCa...)
KrRbSrYZrNbMoTcRuRhPdAgCdInSnSbTeI
but I must admit I didn't find the rare earths memorable this way.
C__________________________________________________________________________
We got german, french and russian in this thread. Time for a dutch one.
The electro-negativity of Metals:
Karolientje NAaktgeboren MaG ALleen op ZoN en FEestdagen SNoepen.
Caroline nakedborn may only on sun- and Holliday eat sweets.
(=real dutch family name)
ProBeer Haar te Kussen(=Cu) achter(Ag) de Platina AUto.
Try her to kiss behind the platina car.
From: mat...@tadtec.co.uk (Matthew Sweet)
But in english:
Please Send Little Charlie McKie A Zebra If The
Horse
Can't Munch Sweet Green Plants
Potassium, Sodium, Lithium, Calcium, Magnesium, Aluminium, Zinc, Iron, ?Tin?
Hydrogen
Copper, ?Mercury?, Silver, Gold, Platinum
&C__________________________________________________________________________
From: ke...@resptk.bhp.com.au (Ian P Kemp)
Oil Rig !
(oxidation is loss, reduction ois gain ) (of electrons)
From: Rik Deitsch <EDEI...@ACC.FAU.EDU>
For those who forget re-dox orders . .
LEO the lion goes GER
lose electrons (=) oxidation
gain electrons (=) reduction
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: ke...@resptk.bhp.com.au (Ian P Kemp)
Scandinavian television corrupts many french coalmen's neices and cousins
Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn
(1st row of transition metals)
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: Darren Schilberg <sch...@eetsg53.bd.psu.edu>
And for all those learning chemists who do not yet know how to mix acid
and water ...
Add acid to watuh
Just as you oughta.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: ml...@cix.compulink.co.uk (Michael Lynd)
If a soluble salt you wish to provide
You first on the acid settle;
Then neutralize with the proper oxide,
hydroxide, carbonate or metal.
But if the salt will not dissolve,
A simpler means you'll try:
Precipitate it, you resolve,
Then filter, wash and dry.
*CB_________________________________________________________________________
From: Rik Deitsch <EDEI...@ACC.FAU.EDU>
The amino acids:
Hydrophilic Neutral:
Girls Are Very Loving If Men Can Prepare Perfect Tea
(Glycine, Alanine, Valine, Leucine, Isoleucine, Methionine, Cysteine,
Proline, Phenylalanine, Tryptophan)
Positive:
Alexander Graham Spoke Through (the) Telephone
(Asparagine, Glutamine, Serine, Threonine, Tyrosine)
Neutral:
Laurel And Hardy
(Lysine, Arginine, Histidine)
Negative:
Aspartate and Glutamate (all that's left. . . )
CB_________________________________________________________________________
From: ckwc...@acs4.acs.ucalgary.ca (Calvino Ka-wing Cheng)
Biochemical pathways:
Aldohexoses: All Altruists gladly make gum in gallon tanks.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
=8.6 BIOLOGY AND MEDICINE
___________________________________________________________________________
Cranial nerves:
From: ste...@upenn5.hep.upenn.edu (Kevin Sterner)
On Old Olympus's Towering Top, A Finn And German Viewed Some Hops
From: m...@pookie.pass.wayne.edu (Michael J. Edelman)
On Old Olympus' towering top, a fat-assed german veiwed a hop.
From: john...@exchange.com (John Tant)
The 12 cranial nerves,
On Old Olympus, Terry Tried Abducting Fanny After Giving Vegas Some Help
Oh, oh, oh, to touch and feel a girl's vagina- ah, heaven!
From: spb...@ucl.ac.uk (Mr Andrew John Kale)
Oh, Oh, Oh To Touch A Fair Virgin's Glistening Vagina And Hymen for the
twelve cranial nerves:
Olfactory, Optic, Oculomotor, Trochlear, Trigeminal, Auditory, Facial,
Vestibulocochlear, Glossopharyngeal, Vagus, Accessory, Hypoglossal
___________________________________________________________________________
From: a...@bu.edu (Al Wesolowsky) Anatomy, for the bones of the wrist:
"Never lower Tillie's pants. Grandmother might come home."
Navicular
Lunate
Triquetral
Pisiform
Greater Multangular
Lesser Multangular
Capitate
Hamate
From: spb...@ucl.ac.uk (Mr Andrew John Kale)
I was always taught this as :
Scabby Lucy Tried Peeing Having Copulated Twenty Times
Scaphoid Lunate Triquetral Pisiform Hamate Capitate ... and two others I've
forgotten (it was a long time ago!)
B__________________________________________________________________________
From: dpbs...@world.std.com (Daniel P. B. Smith)
Biology: Kings play cards on fairly good soft velvet. (Kingdom,
Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species, Variety).
From: g...@evolving.com (Gregory Bloom)
Then there's the ever-popular
'King Phillip Cuts Open Five Green Snakes'
for Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species
From: ald...@aol.com (Alder Castanoli)
King Philip Came Over From Germany Speedily
From: jo...@garden.WPI.EDU (Joseph W. Vigneau):
Ian Young <iyo...@buddy.wright.edu> wrote:
King Phillip Came Over For George's Sword
From: jo...@garden.WPI.EDU (Joseph W. Vigneau):
King Phillip Came Over For Good Sex
From: s...@eskimo.com (Steve Summit)
King Philip can only farm green spinach.
From: oli...@OAMPC7.uucp (Colleen M. Oliver)
King Phillip Came Over For Green Spaghetti.
From: Charlie Gibbs (Charli...@mindlink.bc.ca)
King Phillip Came Over for a Glass of Scotch
From: ab...@freenet.carleton.ca (Paul Tomblin)
King Phillip: Come Out For God's Sake.
(From Colin Fletcher, "The Man Who Walked Through Time" - a book about a walk
down the length of the Grand Canyon)
From: (scotca...@delphi.com)
King Phillip Came Over From German Soil
Kings Play Chess On Fat Girls Stomachs
From: gedau <ge...@mim.com.au>
Kinky People Can Only Fuck Goannas Sideways.
From: t...@db.erau.edu (Tim Drozinski)
King Phillip Came On Four Groovy Skanks.
King Phillip Came On Five Gorgeous Sluts.
From: sic...@csa5.lbl.gov (SCOTT I CHASE)
King Phillip Came Over From Germany, Stoned on Gin, Rum, and Vodka.
This gives you subspecies classifications as well (variety, etc.)
From: dlo...@primenet.com (Donovan Loucks)
Way, back in high school, one of the gals in our Advanced Biology class
was named Kim. So, the mnemonic was:
Kim's Pretty Coccyx Often Feeds Green Snakes
From: bad...@phylo.life.uiuc.edu (Jonathan Badger)
Kraft Parmesian Cheese On Fingers Gets Sticky
B__________________________________________________________________________
From: Peter Berger <pet...@telerama.lm.com>
All Chaperones Must Previously Have Had Sex.
Animalia, Chordata, Mammalia, Primata, Hominidae, Homo, Sapiens.
Man's taxonomy.
B__________________________________________________________________________
From: scla...@littlewing.Eng.Sun.COM (Sarah Clatterbuck)
Then there's my personal fave, because I made it up:
"Lazy zebras ponder dire disasters."
leptotene zygotene polytene diplotene diakinesis
I think the spellings may be wrong. They're the five sub-phases
of the prophase of mitosis (cell division).
B__________________________________________________________________________
From: mmmr...@fs2.scg.man.ac.uk (Zahid Ahmed)
S2,3,4 ...keeps the penis off the floor. (Innervation)
ONE heart, TWO lungs (beta 1 receptors in the heart, beta2 in the lungs)
Two Zulu's Buggered My Cat (Facial muscles, Temporal, Zygomatic.....etc,)
B__________________________________________________________________________
From: Dev Britto <dtbr...@unixg.ubc.ca>
This has helped me immensely in remembering the citric acid cycle (aka
Kreb's cycle, TCA [=tricarboxylic acid] cycle):
Actors In Kansas Should See Foreign Movies, Of Course
(Aconitate, Isocitrate, a-Ketoglutarate, Succinyl-coA, Succinate,
Fumarate, Malate, Oxaloacetate, Citrate).
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
=8.7 MISCELLANY
___________________________________________________________________________
From: cbu...@bnr.ca (Chris Butler)
I remember one for the metric system:
"King Hector Doesn't Usually Drink Cold Milk"
for Kilo 1000
Hecto 100
Deca 10
Units 1
Deci 0.1
Centi 0.01
Milli 0.001
From: jsan...@encore.com (Jeff Sandler)
My math teacher, who taught us a similar one, must have been more..um...
sadist.
"Kill Hector Dead <units>, Dear Cousin Milli."
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From: da...@microware.com (Dave Kimble)
MUSIC:
order of sharps:
Father Charles Goes Down And Ends Battle
order of flats:
Battle Ends And Down Goes Charles' Father
___________________________________________________________________________
Richard F. Drushel <r...@po.CWRU.Edu> wrote:
Every good boy does fine = line notes, treble clef, bottom to top
From: har...@kauri.vuw.ac.nz (John Harper)
Every good boy deserves food
though girls quoted it as:
Every good boy deserves flogging.
E__________________________________________________________________________
From: jmpi...@medea.gp.usm.edu (Jim M. Pierce)
Color codes resistors:
'Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly, Get Some
Now.'
black brown red yellow green blue violet grey white gold silver
GSN stands for the plus or minus bit... 5 percent, 10 percent,
and 20 percent. i.e. 100 ohms, plus or minus 5 percent.
From: j...@ds8.scri.fsu.edu (Jim Carr)
Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly, for Gold or Silver.
From: to...@kcbbs.gen.nz (Tony Garnock-Jones)
: Yes, but I always get stuck trying to remember is "bad" black or is
: "boys"? I always forget without difficulty. Blue and the two g's I can
: remember no problem.
BlAck -> BAd
BrOwn -> BOys
BlUe -> BUt
The second letter of each B-word is the _third_ letter of the word it
stands for :-) Neat pattern...
From: rcs...@rwc.urc.tue.nl (Christ van Willegen)
Black bastards Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly.
(offending, but easier to remember black, brown)
From: wi...@apple.com (Tony Wingo)
This alternative version solves that problem:
Blackie Brown rapes our young girls but violet gives willingly.
From: woo...@bnr.ca (Dave Woodman)
"Billy Brown Revives On Your Gin, But Values Good Whisky."
From: jlo...@skat.usc.edu (Fritz Lowrey)
Bad Beer Rots Our Young Guts, But Vodka Goes Well
Grant Edwards <gra...@reddwarf.rosemount.com> wrote:
Better Be Ready, Or Your Great Big Venture Goes West.
(goes west = fails, dies)
From: eey...@unicorn.nott.ac.uk (M. Knell)
My eternal favourite (and the one that nobody's mentioned yet):
Black Beetles Running On Your Garden Bring Very Good Weather
From: Suzanne Sarlette/Gerald Pearson <sueg...@mut1.muscanet.com>
Here's a G rated British mnemonic for the resistor color code:
Bye bye Rosie, off you go, Bristol via Great Western.
From: tho...@melchior.frmug.fr.net (Thomas Quinot)
French version :
Ne Mangez Rien Ou Jeunez, Voila Bien Votre Grande Betise.
*__________________________________________________________________________
From: ph...@trellis.net
Here's one I learned as a child from my father (who was the son of a
shipbuilder in Normandy):
Tricot rouge, bassinoire.
Which stands for:
Tribord (starboard) Babord (port)
Cone Cylindre
Rouge (red) Noir (black)
It refers to the colors and shapes of buoys on a river.
___________________________________________________________________________
From Charli...@mindlink.bc.ca:
There's no red port wine left. (navigation light colours)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: big...@garlic.com
Geology: Terrible Giants Can Find Alligators Or Quaint Tigers
Conveniently Digestible.
Hardness scale for minerals: Talc, Gypsum, Calcite, Flourite,
Apatite, Orthoclase feldspar, Quartz, Topaz, Corundum, Diamond.
&__________________________________________________________________________
From: dpbs...@world.std.com (Daniel P. B. Smith)
Geology: "Come on, see daring men play polo." (Cambrian, Ordovician,
Silurian, Devonian, Mississippian, Pennsylvanian, Permian).
"Phooey! Even old men play polo, right?" (Palaeocene, Eocene, Oligocene,
Miocene, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Recent).
From: Richard Mentock <men...@mindspring.com>
As many eras have the same first letter, this can be confusing (originally
pensylvanian and permian were transposed in this list).
A better mnemonic avoids this problem (it incorporates the first
*three* letters of each name) is
"CAMpus ORDered SILicon DEVices, MISsed PENcil PERmits,"
which gives a nice leg up on memorizing the mnemonic.
From: john...@exchange.com (John Tant)
Campbell's Onion Soup Does Make People Puke.
___________________________________________________________________________
From: jeff.z...@execnet.com (Jeff Zeitlin)
From navigation, for converting between True, Magnetic, and Compass directi
applying variation and deviation:
True virgins make dull company
Or backwards:
can dead men vote twice
___________________________________________________________________________
From: dlo...@primenet.com (Donovan Loucks)
Joan found Mark and Mike jumping Janet and Susan outside Nora's Drugstore .
= months of the year
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
=9. PRANKS
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: Alan Meiss, ame...@gn.ecn.purdue.edu
Wherein the author relates the Tale of the Exploding Pen.
Everyone who's taken high school chemistry probably has some
entertaining stories of experiments not included in the syllabus, myself
included. A friend and I did a great deal of spontaneous research in our
class involving myriad flame tests and chemical combinations "Mother Nature
never intended." I recall one time when the teacher left the room, and my
friend dashed into the storeroom in the back to see what he could filch. He
returned with a heaping handful of silver nitrate powder, which isn't
exactly recommended handling procedure for this chemical. When rapid
discomfort made him dispose of this material, the rest of us observed to
our amazement that his entire hand had turned silver. By the end of the day
it had turned purple. But all this, of course, is peripheral to the Tale of
the Exploding Pen.
One day in Chemistry class we were using calcium metal, which reacts
with water to give off hydrogen gas and heat. This was definitely Nifty,
and I saved several pieces. It became a source of amusement to drop it in a
puddle of water and watch it bubble and sputter, then quickly hand it to
someone during a quiet class to provoke an alarmed bellow (the stuff got
pretty hot). By the afternoon I had one piece left, which I, based on
thought processes that now entirely elude me, stored, along with some
water, in my pen, one of those Bic Biros with the large white barrel and
detachable endcap. It soon slipped my mind that I'd done this, and I went
on my way to Biology class. Midway through class, we were wrapping up an
experiment, with the teacher giving a lecture and the class taking notes. I
was standing in the back of the room, writing down final data from our
petri dishes of E. Coli, when my pen exploded. It was very loud, louder
than a firecracker, and I looked up to see every face in the class staring
at me and the remnant of my pen with great alarm. The resulting silence was
finally broken when someone muttered "his pen exploded!" I tried to play it
cool, giving my pen as cursory an inspection as possible, as if this were a
frequent occurence of little concern, and returned to an extroadinarily
studious job of note-taking. The teacher just smiled and continued the
lecture in a bit; I guess he was used to this sort of thing.
We had some other interesting experiences in this biology course,
including the development of Live Chicken Bowling, and the concealment of
chickens in people's personal belongings. In one class I remember, one of
the kids wadded up paper towels into a foot-wide ball, and for reasons I
don't fathom arrived at the decision to set it on fire when the teacher
left the room. Too late it occcurred to him that a large ball of fire is
fairly conspicuous in a classroom setting, so he stuffed it into the lab
drawer beside his desk just before the teacher returned. The sudden earnest
interest in the lecture he tried to demonstrate was not enough to distract
from the smoke rising from his desk, however, and he got in a significant
amount of trouble.
But let me return once again to Chemistry class. In all, it was a
fairly boring class, and we even had to pursue non- flammable
entertainment. I programmed a Blackjack game on my pocket computer, and we
would pass it around the class for all to play. A lively betting pool would
sometimes start when the score got high. One day we managed to play a full
game of Risk in the back of the room during lecture. Some of us would spend
a half an hour at a stretch duplicating Muppet noises from Sesame Street
episodes: "Tiiiick Tooooock BrrrrrrrRING! Yupyupyupyup". Others would
interupt any rare quiet moments by yanking leg hairs from other guys
wearing shorts. None of this infantilism, however, can compare to the
mayhem related to me by one of my roommates that went on in his own high
school chemistry class.
He had a particularly anarchic chem class that seemed to involve an
impressive amount of pyrotechnics. On one occassion, someone threw a
fist-sized chunk of potassium metal in a sink full of water, which
destroyed it (both sink and water) with a great shower of sparks. Another
time his classmates covered an entire desktop with infamous nitrogren
tri-iodide, an unstable compound made from ammonia and iodine that explodes
when touched, leaving purple stains. They detonated it by throwing a paper
airplane, blowing the top off the desk. In an act of tremendous stupidity,
they filled an entire liter beaker with the gray incendiary material from
sparklers, and when some fool tossed in a match, the resulting column of
fire burned holes in both the table and ceiling. In an extra-curriculur
adventure, they piled a mound of thermite they'd prepared in class on a
particularly despised person's driveway. When ignited, it blasted a foot
wide hole through the concrete and down to the dirt. Their most notable
"achievement", however, was placing in someone's locker in a dish of water
a large chunk of some unknown material that gives off noxious odors when
moist. He said that the resulting nauseating stench spread through the
entire school. One girl barfed in mid-sprint to the bathroom, and the
school had to evacuate the building and cancel classes for the rest of the
day. In an entire semester of Chemistry class, his only remotely
educational experience was learning to make soap, and he had to repeat the
subject here at Purdue, minus the pyrotechnics.
PCB________________________________________________________________________
From: ju...@bu.edu (June Peckingham)
I recall those days of high school science pranks well.
(although our chem teacher was much to smart to ever
leave sodium of potassium where we could find it).
-Earth Science - learning to burn skin with a magnifying
glass. Also learned that chalk, when heated with
a magnifying glass, will explode.
-Biology - Actively participated in an experiment to
kill the mutant fish that lived in the aquarium.
We tried everything - soda, windex, acid. These
guys were tough. The other high point of bio
was having a frog pee down my friend's arm, cool.
-Chemistry - In a neighboring school one of the hooligans
superglued everything in the classroom. The
teacher was infuriated. When he went to sit down
he found that his chair was also stuck in place.
He did succeed in moving it, only by removing the
four floor tiles it was glued to. My high school
chem teacher was too scary to try anything fun on.
I did manage to light a table on fire though.
-Physics - Our physics teacher was cool. He let us form
a line into the hall and use the power of the Van
de Graph generator to shock passers by. hehe. We
also got to chop a large block of wood off his
stomach to demonstrate inertia. He taught us the
'to every force there is an equal and opposite..'
by throwing himself against a wall while wearing
roller skates.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: ari...@edb.tih.no (Arild Jensen)
A friend of mine got a hold of a large chunck of potassium metal which
he brought to a party. He managed to dare another guy to make it
explode. The other guy wasn't of the brightest type, and he didn't
believe it would explode in contact with water. Anyhow, stupid as
he was, he went to the bathroom and thew it into the toilet. Nothing
happened, so he went back out again, saying to my friend "Hey, nothing
happe...." BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!! The whole bathroom was covered with smoke,
and the toilet-seat was completely ruined, cracked and everything.
The guy who held the party had to use the neighbors bathroom the
following week, until his own one got repaired.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: pku...@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Peter Kukla)
When I was in High School, one of my classmates was having a serious
problem with people stealing his lunch. Every day it disappeared from
his locker (don't recall whether his lock was broken off or what.)
Complaining to the principal did no good, so he went to his father, a
pharmacist.
His father gave him some substance (Silver Nitrate) which didn't discolor
the food, but which turned your skin black or purple when you came in
contact with it.
This guy liberally coated his food with it, and waited. I was fortunate
enough to see the results.
Another classmate, who had ostensibly gone to the bathroom, returned to
the math class, hiding his hands and face as best he could. It didn't
work - his dyed skin was obvious. A cohort of his didn't even bother to
return to class, he just fled the school for the day.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: mey...@scooby.beloit.edu (Arden Meyer)
When I was in High School, my chemistry teacher had the privilege of
scaring most of the freshman chem class. He had a wooden cutting block set
out on the bench at the front of the class, with a large butcher's knife.
After everyone took their seats, he produced an apple, two 200 mL beakers
containing clear fluid, an empty 500 mL beaker, and an eye dropper. He
proceeded to cut the apple in half, and then place the knife back in a
locked drawer (he didn't trust us!). With the dropper, he squirted some of
liquid A onto one half of the apple, and we all saw it eat away at the apple
rather quickly. Then, after rinsing the dropper, he squirted some of liquid
B onto the remaining half of the apple, which also ate it away. He then
poured liquid A and liquid B into the 500 mL beaker, and swirled the mixture
for a few moments (about twenty seconds). He then downed the whole thing in
one big swallow!
As it turned out, liquid A was hydrocloric acid, and liquid B was sodium
hydroxide. They were both of the same molarity, and so when mixed, they
produced salt water. The most interesting happening of this was the next
year, when a young lady passed out as the teacher swallowed his drink...
## if you have the stupidity to try this, make sure you know alot about
chemistry and that you get the concentrations right!!! ##
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: gl...@marie.seas.ucla.edu (George Lyle (233789))
Not quite a prank, but dang funny:
While I was in a high school chem class, the teacher was
showing how to properly heat a test tube with a Bunsen
burner. He said "never point the mouth of the tube
toward you like this (pointing tube at his head)" Always
point the test tube away from your body (turns test tube
away). At that instant, the alcohol/acid solution in the
tube shot out and ignited, flaming a 5 foot periodic
table on the wall. Half of class broke out laughing while
other half was frozen in seats. Teacher grabs fire bottle
and puts out fire. Teacher never gave that demo in the
same way again!
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: tomc...@soda.berkeley.edu (Thomas T. Cheng)
We must have had the same chem teacher or something. The exact same
thing happened in our class, except it was our homework that caught on fire.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: mic...@beaufort.sfu.ca (Strider Coyle)
This happened to me, except the *bottom* of the tube blew off
and lit my binder on fire.
P__________________________________________________________________________
From: iso...@clt.fx.net (Isoner)
My science teacher gave a demonstration on electric current by makeing
circits in beakers of salt water. Then he dropped it so that half of it
was in a beaker and the other half was out. Theoreticaly he should have
been able to pick it up with no problem because it was not completeing a
circut. would have been safe, except he was leaning against the metal
plumbing. He almost put a dent in the chalk board.
Later in the year he used the gas lines in the class rooms to blow
bubbles and them ignite them with a match. There is still a scorch mark
uon the celing.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: Trish or CJ <TBC...@psuvm.psu.edu>
When I was in high school I pulled off this particular prank. This one guy
in the class was always pissing me off, so I conspired to make a fool of him
in front of the class. The next day during chem lab, we were informed that
we would be using concentrated sulfuric acid, which is clear. Anyway,
during the lab, I took the beaker full of sulfuric acid (and this is the
kind of stuff that burns through flesh) and hid it behind a desk. I then
filled an identical beaker full of steaming-hot, but not burning-hot water.
I used a wax pencil to write on the outside. 'Concentrated Sulfuric Acid'.
Then I walked over to this guy that was pissing me off and got his
attention. I took a medicine dropper, filled it with the stuff (which he
thought was acid) and shot it all over his face. It was hot water, so he
thought he was burning! He started screaming, 'Cj threw acid on me!!!' And
promptly began thrashing and shrieking. Everyone stared at me. Then I held
the beaker aloft, threw my head back and drank the whole thing. The teacher
nearly dropped dead on the spot. The rest you can just imagine. --CJ Calo
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: rcou...@malibu.sfu.ca (Ryan John Cousineau)
My High School science courses were similarly interesting.
We had a Science 10 teacher who wasn't usually much for science. As a
demonstration, he dropped a blob of sodium into a pan of water. Very
impressive. Especially when, with a "pop" the sodium exploded in front
of the teacher. He did the demo for the next block with a much smaller
piece of sodium...
Another good one was our Chem 12 teacher, who left some disgusting,
viscous black mixture on his lab table at the front of the class. We
were all busy at our desks, when all of a sudden there was a huge,
loud "POP!" and the sucker exploded! Blew black goo up to the ceiling,
over the front desks, down to the floor. The stuff on the ceiling
never did come off, and some of the students would no longer sit in
the front row.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: gan...@gibeah.connected.com (Gandalf the Grey)
Ammonium tri-iodide is an extremely fun chemical. But you have to be
careful. My chem prof played a really cool joke on this really annoying
bastard in my class. Real pop-off, and he deserved it. You simply fix
iodine crystals (expensive) and ammonia (roughtly as much as the crystals
can dissolve into). While it is liquid, it's reasonably safe. Don't use
more than a drop on anything, since it will explode once it's dry, and
can be dangerous.
However, when placed on a countertop in a very small amount, the first
person to touch it gets quite a surprise and a stain on their skin and
doesn't come off easily. Hilarious actually. I've only made it once,
though.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: eap...@rigel.oac.uci.edu (Mr. Wizard)
I know that this doesn't really count as a "prank", but once in high
school chem we were doing potassium experiments, and there were 36
students (so there were 37 people including the teacher). Each student
has 20 test tubes full of water and into each one he or she places a small
amount of potassium (the experiment was supposed to test the production
of hydrogen.) After the experiment, each person puts the test tubes into
a central trash can (for those of you slow in math, that's 740 test tubes
EACH ONE of which is pumping out hydrogen.) Later on we were doing tests
with glowing splints, and the teacher said "don't put a burning splint into
the trash can" (for obvious reasons) Well, one girl thought that a glowing
splint (not burning) would be ok. All I can say is that the column of
red flame was more spectacular than any movie nuclear blast! In fact,
to this day (6 years later), there is still a very large burn mark on
the ceiling of that classroom.
Another one with the same teacher was another potassium mishap. Since
potassium cannot be stored in water, it is stored in a sort of oil. Well,
he took a golf-ball size chunk and held it in is hand as he cut it. Un-
fortunately, the oil was slippery and the chunk fell into the beaker.
Well, what happened was that the beaker EXPLODED and impaled the teacher
with several bits of glass (he was in hospital for a day or two) and the
desk was strewn with a hundred or so pock-marks.
However, one real prank was with the SAME teacher was in order to keep
sanity and good behaviour in class, he would keep 2 squirt guns with
him. One with water, and the other with SILVER NITRATE SOLUTION. (this
stuff looks just like water but it turns skin BLACK on contact) He shot
about 4 people during the year, but only one girl (the same one with the
hydrogen) got the silver nitrate (on the FACE!!!).
Finally, this was one I did in college. My first year in the dorms,
I would keep a bottle of root beer which someone would continually drink
without my knowing. After I couldn't stand it anymore, I went to a
friend in the chem dept. and asked him for an acid/base indicator that
turns base pink (I forget what the indicator was), and put a bit in my
root beer bottle. The plan was that human urine is somewhat base, so
when the culprit drank my root beer, he began to pee pink. Needless
to say, about 12 hours later, this guy thought he was gonna die!
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: da...@bcars201.bnr.ca (Dau Do)
Yeah, these stories remind me about my science teacher. He's used to wear
a prescripted sunglass so that no one knew that he's sleeping while students
were writing test. Anyway, after one of the experiments that used acids, one
guy in my class pour the acid on his desk. He didn't know and took off his
glass put on the wet spot. When he put it on again, his skin burned left a
red circular around his eyes ...
___________________________________________________________________________
From: lis...@dbreath.uucp (Lister)
Well I am a Medical Technologist, and through the years in the
field we have pulled some good jokes. One of the funny ones I can remember
is a day when I was working in Hematology. One of the other techs, that was
working in Chemistry, was this real whining hypochondriac. Well he came
over to me telling me that he felt really sick and was wondering if I would
run A CBC and Differential on him. So I drew his blood and labeled it and
it to hematology and ran it.. It was normal as normal could be, but I
decided to have a bit of fun. Earlier in the day a known CLL patient had
been in and gave some blood, so I took one of the extra tubes, poured it
into a new tube and labeled it with this techs info (making sure to make a
mark as to not confuse the real sample up). Well I ran the CLL pt. blood
and made a smear, then I went over to him and said "you had better take a
look at this". He came over and looked at the results and then looked at
the smear, and went a bit pale and said that I must have mixed it up, with
somebody else. So I gave him the falsely labeled tube and he ran it himself
getting the same results. You should have seen his face I thought he was
gonna Die right there! Anyway I let him suffer for about 2 min. or so then
gave him the real results and from the look on his face I though I was
gonna die!
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: lwr...@MFS04.cc.monash.edu.au (LUKE RICHARDS)
My Yr 12 chemistry teacher (young guy, had only been teaching for about
three or four years) told us about the time when he was at College doing
his dip ed, and he was working with sodium. He was pouring the kerosine off
the oil and down the sink, and there was one chip of sodium left at the
bottom of the tin he was emptying (unfortunately for him). Well, it fell
out, and because someone had been using the sink before him there was water
in there. The sodium ignited, flared and set the kerosine on fire which
then raced along the length of the sink and down the plughole with one
almighty explosion.
He said he had to have a haircut that night because he lost his fringe
and both his eyebrows.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: gap...@cent.gla.ac.uk (Brian Ewins) Yet another exploding light metal
story....
A friend of mine was recently doing a PhD in Chemistry in the building next
door to where I am writing this... anyway, his project seemed to involve
increasingly more dangerous chemicals for no good reason.
Normally, you sign out all chemicals, and they're all accounted for at
the end of the day. But, towards the end of his PhD, he opened one of his
cupboards to discover a jar of Sodium that he'd got, never used, and the
paperwork (it turned out) for it had since been lost.
This was *2 Kg* of sodium in a big lump.
Sodiums not very dense, that's a big f**ker.
Anyhow, the fate of this lost lump was to accompany some of the students
out to a lake in the park, where they threw it...still in its jar (that
they managed to get this far at all is kinda surprising because they were
all completely blootered at the time).
And then, in a masterpiece of forward planning, they got out the airgun
:o) ... 'cos they were all drunk, and the jar (now floating on the lake)
was fairly thick, it took quite a few shots to break.
Surprisingly, the thing didn't explode...it just sat there burning.
(obviously only the surface of the lump was reacting, but even so...) So
they all sat down, cracked open some more beers, and watched the sodium
light up the night. Cool.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: <NE...@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU>
What follows is not an invented joke, but a true story, although I may
have embellished it a little over many years of telling. "Sister Karen" was
a nun and a Chemistry teacher who had come to work on her Master's degree
with my now retired colleague Prof Herbert Meislich , who happens to be
Jewish. Her first task was to monobrominate a ketone. She added her Br2,
and started the stirrer as instructed....nothing happened ..... STILL no
decolorisation...... after some time she is getting worried, and asks
another student, who told her - "See that man over there - that's Prof
McKelvie, ask him" A slightly out of breath nun comes up to me - "Prof
McKelvie? My reaction won't work !" My evil mind was thinking WHICH of her
reactions was not working, but that's another st story. ) Anyway, I could
have told her that bromination is dependent on making the enol, and this is
promoted ny acid, so that the HBr produced will aid enolisation and all
will be well. BUT - that morning I'd found on the floor a Star of David
that had fallen off some Jewish girl's neck, and I'd been looking for the
owner... INSPIRATION! - the problem is that you've had the wrong
theoretical training ! Just a moment ....I tied the Star of David around
her apparatus, added a few drops of hydrochloric acid just to help things
along, and announced that NOW it would work in five minutes ! It took four
minutes and 50 seconds by my watch. "SEE?!" She had the brains and a good
Irish sense of humour to realise she was being "had", and I explained that
it was her Organic Chemistry that was being deficient, not theology......
(Aftermath - two Jewish girls came down from upstairs and wanted to borrow
the gold chain so that THEIR reactions would work better........) Neil
McKelvie
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: <U58...@uicvm.uic.edu>
"Back when I was taking Chemistry 101, my instructor did a little
demonstration" [this is the proper start for this Urban Legend]
"He pointed to a large beaker on the table full of yellow liquid. He said:
The first thing a chemist must learn is not to be disgusted by anything.
This is a beaker of horse urine. The simplest way to determine if the horse
is diabetic (dipping his finger in the beaker) has always been to simply
taste for sugar! (licking his finger!)"
"Is there anyone here willing to demonstrate?" and a big guy from a
fraternity came up with a grin on his face to taste the "urine", knowing it
was a gag. He dipped his finger in the "urine" and licked it dry --- and
from the expression on his face, it really was urine!
"The second thing a chemist must learn is to be observant! (Holding up his
hand, the professor demonstrates.) I dipped the _other_ finger!!!"
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: Terry Simonds <fsim...@icanect.net>
When in high school, a chemistry professor was giving us a lecture on
qualitative analysis of a substance. He mentioned color, consistency,
weight, taste, etc., admonishing us to exercise our powers of observation
above all. He pulled a small beaker of yellowish liquid from under the
bench and began to call out its characteristics.
"This is a sample of some urine from my goat (yes, he had a pet
goat...). If you will notice, it is a liquid, somewhat yellowish in color,
but translucent." He then thrust his hand down into the beaker, rapidly
withdrawing it and sticking a finger in his mouth, ostensibly tasting the
liquid.
We gasped; one started retching. He then explained. "I mentioned
'observation,' ladies and gentlemen. If you had been oberving closely, you
would have seen me insert my index finger in the urine and then lick my
middle finger."
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: wa4...@vnet.ibm.com (Dave)
In my freshman chemistry class (many years ago), the first day was
allocated to a talk about chemistry (what it is, why it's important, how it
affects our lives, blah, blah, blah). To illustrate this talk, Doc carried
in two beakers filled with clear liquids. As he progressed through the
talk, he would ocassionally pick up one of the beakers and swirl it (Thus
confirming that it really was filled with a liquid). Toward the end of the
talk, he would pick up both beakers and swirl them. Next, he would start
pouring the liquids from one beaker into the other repeatedly (Thus really
proving that they contained liquids). Finally, he would walk around the
podium, while still swirling the beaker containing both sets of contents,
and stop in front of some glazed-eyed student. As he finished his lecture
with the statement 'This is why chemistry is important to you.', he would
slosh the beaker toward the student, who never failed to dive for cover. Of
course, the chemicals had reacted and formed a gelatin which stuck to the
bottom of the beaker. Therefore nothing came out.
Well, at least, that's the way it was supposed to work. The next year, one
of the graduate students intercepted Doc on the way to the class, and
switched beakers with him, replacing one of the chemicals with water. I'm
not sure who was more surprised that year, the student who ended up with a
lap full of chemicals, or Doc.
P.S. He should have known something was up, what with all of the
graduate students clustered outside of the classroom door...
P.P.S. I actually witnessed the 'dry' version of the trick, but I wasn't
lucky enough to have witnessed the 'wet' version, although I did hear about
it from several (many) credible witnesses.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: Darren Schilberg <sch...@eetsg53.bd.psu.edu>
My dad told me this one and I absolutely MUST see someone try it again.
His Chem professor was showing the awesome powers of liquid nitrogen (not
to be attempted at home) where a banana is used to hammer in a nail and a
balloon shatters when hit with a frozen rose. However, the best prank of
all with liquid nitrogen has to be this one.
Before the prank is pulled (or before the class fills up), a Vienna
sausage is placed in the finger of a rubber glove and set on the table.
Then a bowl of liquid nitrogen is obtained. Now when the students file in
they will think everything is typical.
After the balloon and banana trick with the liquid nitrogen the teacher
puts his hand into the rubber glove and tries to remember which one he
placed the Vienna sausage in. Next he dips THAT finger in the liquid
nitrogen, grabs a hammer, and smashed the frozen Vienna sausage. This will
make it look as if real meat is flying across the room.
My dad said that several girls in the class passed out after this prank,
so make sure the students are situated near the floor to prevent any
injuries. Hope you enjoy the prank.
B__________________________________________________________________________
From: and...@wormald.com.au (Andrew Rodgers) This is a practical joke I
played on a Biology Teacher.
When dissecting frogs, toads, mice or rats, cut out the tongue of the animal
and discard. Next, cut out the liver (or kidney) and shove it in the animals
mouth. After you have covered your tracks, and included the rest of the class
in the little joke, stick your hand up and ask the teacher why the animals
tongue is so swollen. Sit back, relax, and have a bit of a giggle at the
explanations.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: "Raleigh C. Perry" <rpe...@mindspring.com>
When in a high school chemistry class in the early 60's I had the joke of
laboratory assistant. After a few weeks on the job, it was evident that
I had a firm appreciation of chemistry and that there was much fun latent
in the chemicals over which I had control.
The instructor was bright and well prepared. However, she had never en-
countered such as my partner and me. Each Friday on cleaning up the lab
we would take the drain cock out of the trap on the teacher's sink
draining all of the water out. On Monday, refitting the lab for the
experiments for the week, we would place about 1/2 a teaspoon of metal
sodium taken from the kerosene tank in the chemical room and put it into
the sink after we had put the drain cock back in place. When she turned
on the water, another old lead pipe had to be replaced. She never
figured out what was happening.
C__________________________________________________________________________
From: jma...@ll.mit.edu (James Martin)
While I was a junior in high school, I took chemistry under our department
chairman, Peter Quackenbush McKee. Mr. McKee was sharp, except for a
tendency to do experiments that get out of hand. His most notable exploit
(?) occurred during a demonstration of the thermite reaction. This was done
in a ceramic "cup" which sat in a sandbox on a lab bench covered with
asbestos paper. In order to give a better idea of how hot it gets, Mr. McKee
put a couple of nails and a couple of brass screws in the bottom of the cup
before filling it with thermite. Well, actually he filled the cup about
half-way with thermite, paused, then said "Well, let's go all the way" or
words to that effect, THEN filled the cup. This immediately got our
attention, since we had seen him in action before. He then put a little
starter mixture on the top, and stuck a magnesium strip into it. In order
that we might see the proceedings more clearly, he turned out the lights. As
he was lighting the magnesium strip, he advised us, "This may spit a little,
so why don't the guys in the front row move back a little?"
This was enough to cause the entire class to move to the back wall. He
shrugged, then lit the strip.
The magnesium strip burned brightly until it reached the starter mixture,
which sputtered a little, then the thermite caught. It did indeed spit a
little, but as soon as the reaction zone moved below the surface it all
became rather tame. After, say, 15 or 20 seconds, he remarked that we had
gotten excited for nothing.
Then the reaction zone reached the bottom of the cup.
Now, thermite is hot enough that the byproducts are molten aluminum oxide
floating in molten iron. This does nothing to iron nails, but it is hot
enough to vaporize brass.
In the darkened classrom, it looked for all the world like a Bessemer
converter firing off in a steel mill. Blobs of molten iron were scattered
across the floor like incandescent blobs of mercury as everyone tried
simultaneously to levitate. Smoke rose from the benchtop, where puddles of
iron had eaten through the asbestos paper, and from the baseboards where
they had caught fire. It was all very impressive and no one was hurt. What
more can one ask from a science experiment?
--
Joachim Verhagen E-mail:J.C.D.V...@fys.ruu.nl
Department of molecular biofysics, University of Utrecht
Utrecht, The Netherlands.
Home-page: http://www.fys.ruu.nl/~verhagen (Science Jokes & SF)