Limericks anyone?
Paul Robinson
Here are a few:
There once was a woman named Rose,
who was constantly picking her nose,
'till she poked at her brain,
and then went insane,
but hey, that's just how it goes.
There once was a man named Celeste,
children he liked to molest,
although he liked boys,
he'd use girls as toys,
and he'd often fondle their breasts.
a variatian on that being:
There once was a man named Celeste,
children he liked to molest,
he found a pre-school,
and started to drool,
now he's charged with rape and incest.
Any other limericks people care to share?
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Robinson prob...@freenet.columbus.oh.us
"These aren't the droids you're looking for"
"These aren't the droids we're looking for"
Zeke Mcdaniel
Who tried to fart his way to the moon.
Seems he flopped as a rocket, shat in his pocket,
and died in a rectal typhoon.
There once was a gay from Valdoon,
Who took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night over who had the right
to do what and with which to whom.
Authors unknown.
Zeke
DBUMANN
Who said to his client "Don't worry
Just open your mouth
And I'll get you out
You'll just have to blow the whole jury!"
Dave Coble
There once was a girl from France,
She thought she'd just take a chance.
She let herself go,
For an hour, or so.
Now all her sisters are Aunts.
There was an old hermit named, Dave.
He kept a dead whore in his cave.
He said, "I admit."
"She does smell a bit."
"But, look at the money I save."
The lady wore under her dress,
A tupperware bra on her chest,
It didn't fit great,
Or lift or separate,
But it kept what she had nice and fresh.
Said an ardent young bridegroom named Trask,
"I will grant any boon that you ask."
Said the bride, "Kiss me, dearie,
Until I grow weary,"
But he died of old age at the task.
If, inside a circle, a line
Hits the center and runs spine to spine
And the line's length is "D"
The circumference will be
"D" times 3.14159
"Can't you fools see where this is all leading,"
"This nightmare of selective breeding,"
He spat on the ground
And then turned around
And continued on with his weeding.
The voice from the UFO cried
"To the smartest we'll give a free ride."
Several men volunteered
But the ship disappeared
With a whale and two dolphins inside.
Her voice is so high it's absurd
It's so shrill that you can't hear a word
When she's something to say
She starts running away
So the pitch drops enough to be heard
First, let me explain that I'm cursed.
I'm a poet whose rhyme gets reversed.
Reversed gets rhyme
Whose poet a I'm
Cursed I'm that explain me let first.
There was a young man at the zoo
Who watched what the animals do
When clenched in embrace
Reproducing the race
Said, "That's what amoebas can't do."
Two elephants Harry and Faye--
Couldn't kiss with their trunks in the way,
So they boarded a plane,
They're now kissing in Maine,
'Cause their trunks got sent on to L.A.
A history scholar named Georgia
Expounds on the family Borgia:
"Such evils they've done!"
She cries, "Better run
If you see a Borgia come torgia!"
There was an old poop from Poughkeepsie
Who tended at night, to be tipsy.
Said he, "My last steps
Aren't propelled by just Schweppes!"
That peppy old poop from Poughkeepsie.
A publisher once went to France
In search of a tale of romance;
A Parisian lady
Told a story so shady
That the publisher made an advance.
Seat belts are great in a wreck,
But they sure make it harder to neck,
Buzzered, then belted,
No gal's ever melted--
The best you get is a peck.
The mathematician Von Blecks
Devised an equation for sex,
Having proved a good F***
Isn't patience or luck,
But a function of Y over X.
There was a young lady of Trent
Who said that she knew what it meant
When he asked her to dine,
Private room, lots of wine,
She knew, oh she knew, but she went!
There was a young lady named Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
She said, "Try as I can
I can't find a man
Who it`s fun to be virtuous with."
There was a young man with a hernia
Who said to his surgeon, "Gosh-dernya,
When carving my middle
Be sure you don't fiddle
With matters that do not concernia."
Ethnologists up with the Sioux
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said, "Girls on the way,
But what the hell`s a `panoe`?"
There was a young girl who begat
Three brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding,
When she found there was no tit for Tat.
There was a young lady of Maine
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
Of the way her waist grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex.
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgeons,
And swarms with erotic F/X.
A cannibal crude and uncouth
Met a woman of beauty called Ruth.
But she gave him the slip
As he started to dip
Her body and soul in Vermouth.
There once was a young man named Clarence,
Who simonized both of his parents.
The initial expense
Of course was immense,
But he saved on wearance and tearance.
| AmiQWK 2.6 - S/N 0032 |
... Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Matty.P
(Zeke Mcdaniel) wrote:
There once was a priest named Kieth,
Who circumcised boys with his teeth.
It wasn't ever,
for the sexual pleasure,
But to get at the cheese underneath.
--"I woont to foondle yur buttocks" -Rough English translation of,
can you please direct me to the
nearest train station.
Matty.P; cs70...@cs.uwa.edu.au
; fig...@tartarus.uwa.edu.au
Australia
Joseph MacDonough
tatooed the Lord's prayer on his belly.
When the curious Brahmin
had read down to "Amen",
he'd blown both salvation and Kelly
Anthony Louis Campillo
Who's limricks ended on line two
Anthony
This space intentionally left blank
>There once was a man from Peru
>Who's limricks ended on line two
There once was a man from Verdun...
-- Mike
"it's a philosophical question as to whether this is shorter of course"
Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsara Vagabond
>There once was a man from Peru
>Who's limricks ended on line two
>
>
There once was a man from Verdun
===========
Velcro of Samsara Vagabond
vaga...@mcgurkus.circus.com
http://www.circus.com/~vagabond/Velcro/
Michael Rohaly
Had a torrid affair with a Hoover
Said Hoover did suck
And the man said "Oh fuck!"
The dope needed help to remove 'er.
A true story I swear.
Michael
Lars Friend
Under the poplar tree
the villiage idiot sat
amusing himself
by abusing himself
and catching it in his hat.
Stephen Carter Morgan
:al...@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (Anthony Louis Campillo) wrote:
:>There once was a man from Peru
:>Who's limricks ended on line two
:>
:>
:>Anthony
:There once was a man from Verdun
Here's an unfinished one from an episode of Star Trek TNG:
There once was a woman from Venus
Whose body was shaped like a .... (Picard tells Data to shut up.)
Let's see who can best complete it!
--
Stephen C. Morgan
Georgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332
Internet: gt4...@prism.gatech.edu
Steve Widomski
Jo> tatooed the Lord's prayer on his belly.
Jo> When the curious Brahmin
Jo> had read down to "Amen",
Jo> he'd blown both salvation and Kelly
There was a Gay Cardinal...from Roma,
Who made sticky-hot Phoenix his Home-a
Using under-age Boy's, As mere "Sexual Toys"...
Confessional can't absolve this Unholy..Homo!
{SAD...But True, the Pope kept him from Punishment....but he still has to
Answer Judgement....In the After-Life...you can't just Forgive & forget!}
... URA Redneck if you've worn something to church having sequins on it.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
---
Internet address: Steve.W...@starlinx.azgate.com
Internet to your BBS! For more information email: in...@azgate.com
Standard disclaimer: The views of this user are strictly his/her own.
This space intentionally left blank
>Samsara Vagabond <vaga...@mcgurkus.circus.com> writes:
>
>:al...@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (Anthony Louis Campillo) wrote:
>:>There once was a man from Peru
>:>Who's limricks ended on line two
>:>
>:>
>:>Anthony
>
>:There once was a man from Verdun
>
>Here's an unfinished one from an episode of Star Trek TNG:
>
>There once was a woman from Venus
>Whose body was shaped like a .... (Picard tells Data to shut up.)
>
>Let's see who can best complete it!
..penis
We patted her head
As she went off to bed
Now we need a big towel to clean us.
-- Mike "Data told me later..." Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This space intentionally left blank
>If, inside a circle, a line
>Hits the center and runs spine to spine
> And the line's length is "D"
> The circumference will be
>"D" times 3.14159
A mathemetician named Klein,
Thought the Mobius Strip was divine!
Said he, "If you glue,
The edges of two,
You get a wierd bottle, like mine!"
>Her voice is so high it's absurd
>It's so shrill that you can't hear a word
> When she's something to say
> She starts running away
>So the pitch drops enough to be heard
There once was a lady named Bright,
Who's speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night!
Now we've heard of that lady named Bright,
And her trip on that fabulous night,
But her increasing mass
Would have soon proved so vast,
She'd have been a most Singular sight!
>The mathematician Von Blecks
>Devised an equation for sex,
> Having proved a good F***
> Isn't patience or luck,
>But a function of Y over X.
Said Einstein, "I have an equation,
Which science might call Rabelaisian!
Let P be virginity,
Approaching infinity,
And let U be a constant: persuasion."
"Now if P over U be inverted,
And the squareroot of U be inserted,
X times over P,
The result, Q.E.D.,
Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
-- Mike "thanks for the limericks!" Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karl Underwood
|> Samsara Vagabond <vaga...@mcgurkus.circus.com> writes:
|>
|> :al...@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (Anthony Louis Campillo) wrote:
|> :>There once was a man from Peru
|> :>Who's limricks ended on line two
|> :>
|> :>
|> :>Anthony
|>
|> :There once was a man from Verdun
|>
|> Here's an unfinished one from an episode of Star Trek TNG:
|>
|> There once was a woman from Venus
|> Whose body was shaped like a .... (Picard tells Data to shut up.)
|>
|> Let's see who can best complete it!
|>
|>
|>
|> Stephen C. Morgan
|> Georgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332
|> Internet: gt4...@prism.gatech.edu
There once was a woman from Venus
Whose body was shaped like a lemurs'
She look for a man
From here to Japan
But couldn't find one with a penus.
--
Karl Underwood.
Michel Rottmann
Who juggled 10 cats just for fun.
-®< R O T >¯-
---
þ 1st 1.11 #2645 þ I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Internet: michel....@megasystem.com (Michel Rottmann)
This message was processed by NetXpress from Merlin Systems Inc.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack L. Thomas
Whose poetry never would stand,
When they questioned him why,
He gave this reply,
"I simply fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can!"
-author unknown
Jack Thomas
thom...@indiana.edu
C:WINSOCKKA9QSPOOLMAIL
He went quite as barmy as Gilead
But his Doctor was sure
He'd effect a quick cure
With the aid of a marvellous pill he had.
Said the Doctor (for no common clod is he)
"We will soon a sound mind in his body see"
And the Doctor was right
For the very next night
Old Homer embarked on the Odessy.
(source unknown)
----------------------------------------------
| John Mitchell
| EMail j...@rheom.demon.co.uk
|
|"Rules were made for the guidance of the wise
| and the blind obedience of fools"
| P.S.
| (Does anyone know the original source of
| that quote ? I'd love to know !)
----------------------------------------------
rogmor
There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger,
When they finished the ride,
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.
-author unknown
rog...@primenet.com
Joe Long
>
>There was a young lady from Niger,
>Who smiled as she rode on a tiger,
>When they finished the ride,
>She was inside,
>And the smile was on the face of the tiger.
>-author unknown
>rog...@primenet.com
>
The meter's off. Try it this way:
There once was a lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They finished the ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
--
Joe Long (still trying to think up a really cool sig)
PC/LAN Manager
Calhoun Community College
jl...@hiwaay.net
Michael Rohaly
: --
There once was a man from some school
Who thought a bad poet a fool
He corrected some meter
Then scratched at his peter
And thought himself pretty damned cool
No offence, it just came out...
Michael
Joe Long
>
>There once was a man from some school
>Who thought a bad poet a fool
>He corrected some meter
>Then scratched at his peter
>And thought himself pretty damned cool
>
>No offence, it just came out...
>
"Oh, I'm not offended," he said,
"But there's just so much stuff in my head,
If I don't let it out,
Soon I'd scream and I'd shout,
And end up hiding under the bed!"
Well, it's sorta lame, but it's late ...
--
Joe Long (still trying to think of a really good sig)
Hallur Gudmundsson
Whose all limericks ended in line two......
Chas Bedford
hal...@rhi.hi.is (Hallur Gudmundsson) wrote:
>There once was a man in Peru
>Whose all limericks ended in line two......
There once was a man from Verdun.........
Chas Bedford
Doug Forkes
: In article <3vhf8m$g...@eldborg.rhi.hi.is>,
: hal...@rhi.hi.is (Hallur Gudmundsson) wrote:
: >There once was a man in Peru
: >Whose all limericks ended in line two......
: There once was a man from Verdun.........
I hope you appreciated my contribution (limerick #3). There aren't a lot
of place-names that rhyme with "zero".
--
/dlf
Chas Bedford
d...@torfree.net (Doug Forkes) wrote:
Rio de Janiero
Chas Bedford
Gilbert John Garduno
Found on a tombstone:
Here Lies a man named Rick
The man they say had a corkscrew dick
He spent his life on his futile hunt
In search of a woman with a corkscrew cunt
Well, He finally found her
but he still dropped dead
The son of a bitch
Had a left hand thread!
Vadim Chernilovsky-Sokol
Whose existance became drearier and drearier.
With a hell of a yell
He escaped from his cell,
And he left with the Mother Superior. ;-)
--
/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\
( Saepe stilum vertas iterum quae digna legi sint Scripturus... )
\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/~\_/
Paul Carter
> There was a monk in Siberia,
> Whose existance became drearier and drearier.
> With a hell of a yell
> He escaped from his cell,
> And he left with the Mother Superior. ;-)
There once was a man from Framingham, Mass.,
And he had balls that were made out of brass.
When his balls clanked together,
They played "Stormy Weather",
And lightning shot out of his ass.
--
Paul Carter
pwca...@fred.net
"There is no dark side of the Moon, really. Matter of fact, it's ALL dark!"
Krk1951
long time ago and it goes this way, or at least this is the way I heard
it:
There once was a man from Peru
He fell asleep in his canoe.
He dreamed about Venus,
He played with his penis,
And woke up with a hand full of goo.
Sorry to offend anyone, I enjoy a good limerick, but all the others I know
are dirty, filthy little things.
KRK
Peter Burrows
LYMRICS!
DRUITJ
On Saturn the sexes are three
Which is unlikely I think you'll agree
For performing "Con brio"
It takes a trio
And it even takes two for a pee.
-Isaac Asimov (I think . . .)
John Druitt
Krk1951
Whose balls they were caugh in the doorway,
He screamed for his wife,
She came with a knife,
And now they hang in the doorway!
There once was a man from Nantucket,
His dick was so big he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
While licking his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it.
There once was a man from Geneva,
He had an affair with a beaver,
The result of the fuck,
was a three legged duck,
A canoe and a golden retriever.
(From the Playboy Channel--author unknown)
Anonymous Snowboarder in Alaska
> There once was a man from Framingham, Mass.,
> And he had balls that were made out of brass.
> When his balls clanked together,
> They played "Stormy Weather",
> And lightning shot out of his ass.
>
There once was a man from Marass,
Who had balls finely made out of brass,
In stormy weather,
His balls clanged together,
And sparks flew out of his ass!
--
Chris C/O bro...@polarnet.fnsb.ak.us
Al Gillis
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they both clanked together
they played Stormy Weather
and lightning shot out of his ass!
C:WINSOCKKA9QSPOOLMAIL
> : >There once was a man in Peru
> : >Whose all limericks ended in line two......
>
> : There once was a man from Verdun.........
>
>
> I hope you appreciated my contribution (limerick #3). There aren't a lot
> of place-names that rhyme with "zero".
> --
Variations on a theme .......
A mystical poet named Stan
Made his verses end 'ere they began.
Starting after the end
Drove him clean round the bend
And his rhythm went right down the pan.
...and one with a spoonerism...
A poet, so horribly smart, he'd
Complete a verse before he'd started
He'd no jokes, made no brass
He'd forgotten, the ass,
That a "mule and his funny are soon parted".
...alternative version of #1......
A poet, who proved that you can
Make a poem end 'ere it began
Said: "You may wonder how
You are reading it now,
If I told you, you'd not understan'".
...slightly different tack....
A musician who tall-ish and thin-ish is
Said "My liking for music diminishes
When creative contortions
Inflate its proportions
And it ends too long after it finishes."
(Sorry if these sound as though they were written at about 2:00 a.m..
They were.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a young man called Bill Beebee,
Fell in love with a lady named Phoebe
Said "I think I must see
What the clerical fee
be, before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."
(source unknown)
There was a young poet from Trinity
Who, although he could trill like a linnet, he
Could never complete
Any verses with feet
Saying: "Fools, can't
you see
that
what I'm
writing is
meant to be
Blank Verse".
(source unknown).
----------------------------------------------
| John Mitchell
| EMail j...@rheom.demon.co.uk
|
|"Rules were made for the guidance of the wise
| and the blind obedience of fools"
----------------------------------------------
P. Wollenberg
>From: rog...@primenet.com (rogmor)
>Subject: Re: Limericks anyone?
>Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 22:25:17 GMT
>thom...@ezmail.ucs.indiana.edu (Jack L. Thomas) wrote:
>>There once was a man from Japan,
>>Whose poetry never would stand,
>>When they questioned him why,
>>He gave this reply,
>>"I simply fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can!"
>>-author unknown
>>Jack Thomas
>>thom...@indiana.edu
>There was a young lady from Niger,
>Who smiled as she rode on a tiger,
>When they finished the ride,
>She was inside,
>And the smile was on the face of the tiger.
>-author unknown
>rog...@primenet.com
There was a young lady from Riga
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger
The returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger
-author known: Rudyard Kipling
(cited by heart, may be a little different from original)
Mike Randall
On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille.
- Anonymous
Brian Liedtke
: > There once was a man from Framingham, Mass.,
: > And he had balls that were made out of brass.
: > When his balls clanked together,
: > They played "Stormy Weather",
: > And lightning shot out of his ass.
: >
: > YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!
: There once was a man from Marass,
: Who had balls finely made out of brass,
: In stormy weather,
: His balls clanged together,
: And sparks flew out of his ass!
The meter is still wrong. Try:
There was a man from Bombast.
Whose balls were made out of glass.
When he claked them together,
they played 'Stormy Weather',
and lightning shot out of his ass!
Or:
The Captain's tender young bride.
Fell into the bay at low tide.
You could tell by her squeals,
that some of the eels,
had found some dark place to hide.
Dennis Foster
She smelled like shit and was missing a tit but think of the money
he saved.
Edward MacMahon
Into space that is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
Bill Willoughby
Pissed in the Archbishop's Chalice
'Twas common belief
She peed for relief
And not of sectarian malice.
Bill Willoughby
They found her vagina in North Carolina
And her asshold at Buckhingham Palace
livi...@maroon.tc.umn.edu
Who asked a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night,
over who had the right,
to do what, with which, and to whom.
Tubaman
> A certain young woman named Alice
> Pissed in the Archbishop's Chalice
> 'Twas common belief
> She peed for relief
> And not of sectarian malice.
Alice must be quite popular. I always liked:
There once was a lady named Alice
Who used Dynamite as a phallus.
They found her Vagina
in North Carolina
and part of her asshole in Dallas.
:)
-=Tuba
moz...@icon-stl.net
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina.
And bits of her tits in Dallas.
Steve Drost
A decrepit old gas man named Peter
While hunting around for the meter
Scratched up a light
Rose up out of sight
And as you can see by reading this poem, he also destroyed the meter.
There was an old man from Tarrentum
Who sat on his false teeth and bent 'em
When asked what he'd lost
And what they had cost,
He replied, "I don't know, I just rent 'em."
The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And mascuine urgin's
And swarms with erotic effects.
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve Drost "They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom
Dordt College DC 338 For trying to change the system from within
Sioux Center, IA. I'm coming now, I'm coming to reward them
51250 First, we take Manhattan...
lcs...@cc.dordt.edu ...then we take Berlin."
-Leonard Cohen
who gives a crap whose opinions these are?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dick Knight
Close, but wrong. It doesn't rhyme and it doesn't make sense. Try this:-
A pansy who lived in Khartoum,
asked a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night,
over who had the right,
to do what, and with which, and to whom.
Jack Stafford
: moz...@icon-stl.net wrote:
: : > will...@is.nyu.edu (Bill Willoughby) writes:
: : > A certain young woman named Alice
: : >
: : >>>>
: : A certain young woman named Alice.
: : Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
: : They found her vagina
: : In North Carolina.
: : And bits of her tits in Dallas.
: A decrepit old gas man named Peter
: While hunting around for the meter
: Scratched up a light
: Rose up out of sight
: And as you can see by reading this poem, he also destroyed the meter.
: There was an old man from Tarrentum
: Who sat on his false teeth and bent 'em
: When asked what he'd lost
: And what they had cost,
: He replied, "I don't know, I just rent 'em."
: The limerick form is complex
: Its contents run chiefly to sex
: It burgeons with virgins
: And mascuine urgin's
: And swarms with erotic effects.
Cried the dowager Duchess of Bray
"I've had a remarkable day
Four jelly tarts
Three juicy farts
Two shits
And a roll in the hay!"
: --
Pat Savino
Of course they'res (brace yourself)
There once was a man named Howles
Who sucked shit from other men's bowels
He also did this
With prostitute's piss
And the drippings from sanitary towels.
XO Blech!
-
Pat
On Tue, 15 Aug 1995, Tubaman wrote:
> will...@is.nyu.edu (Bill Willoughby) writes:
>
> > A certain young woman named Alice
Jason Maher
Some come here to shit and think
Some come here to shit and stink
But I come here to scratch my balls
And read the bullshit on the walls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"if at fist you don't succeed, give it up and try something you're
good at"
- Whatever...
Email address: jma...@chat.carleton.ca
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve Drost
: I've seen this on public bathroom walls:
: Some come here to shit and think
: Some come here to shit and stink
: But I come here to scratch my balls
: And read the bullshit on the walls.
Those who write an bathroom walls
Roll their turd in little balls
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit
above the urinal in the guy's can in my highschool:
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING UP HERE FOR THE JOKE'S IN YOUR HAND!!
here i sit, brokenhearted
paid my dime and only farted
Pat Savino
On Fri, 25 Aug 1995, Jason Maher wrote:
> I've seen this on public bathroom walls:
>
> Some come here to shit and think
> Some come here to shit and stink
> But I come here to scratch my balls
> And read the bullshit on the walls.
>
Um, that's *not* a limerick. Limericks have 5 lines; lines 1, 2, and 5
rhyme, and lines 2 & 3 rhyme differently. Example:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it."
easu...@ea.oac.uci.edu
Who's dick was so long that it bent
He knew he was in trouble
When it bent over double
And instead of coming he went
John Weinland
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
There isn't much class
in banging dead ass
But think of the money he saved.
AplPye
There once was a colonel named Jack
Who taught wartime dogs to attack.
A Doberman pinscher
Bit off his ten-incher
And now he's a high ranking Wac.
Rich Adams
: Jason Maher (jma...@chat.carleton.ca) wrote:
: : I've seen this on public bathroom walls:
:
: : Some come here to shit and think
: : Some come here to shit and stink
: : But I come here to scratch my balls
: : And read the bullshit on the walls.
: Those who write an bathroom walls
: Roll their turd in little balls
: Those who read those words of wit
: Eat those little balls of shit
:
: above the urinal in the guy's can in my highschool:
:
: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING UP HERE FOR THE JOKE'S IN YOUR HAND!!
I think there is a regulation that it appears on the wall of every
boy's/men's room in the US and Canada.
:
:
: here i sit, brokenhearted
: paid my dime and only farted
I think this was part of a four liner at one time.
:
scratched in the wall of one of our school's cans:
They took my pencil and they stole my pen
but the shithouse poet strikes again!
Redmond Young
There were two young ladies from Birmingham
And this is the story concerning 'em
They lifted the frock
And they diddled the cock
Of the bishop as he was confirming 'em
The bishop was nobody's fool
He'd been to a large public school
So he let down his britches
And diddled those bitches
With his twelve inch episcopal tool
But that didn't bother these two
They said as the bishop withdrew
"The Vicar is slicker
and quicker and thicker
And longer and stronger than you!".
Pete Bradley
There once was a man from Boston
Who bought himself an Austin
He had room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
His balls hung out and he lost 'em
Daniel Wolfe
Who was sadly deficient in sex.
Arraigned for exposure,
He said with composure,
"De minimus non curat lex."
Note: the last is a Latin phrase -- "The law does not concern itself with
trifles"
Martha K. Koester
In a restroom at a truck stop on I40 in Arizona
"Here I sit with a broken heart
Popped six pills and my truck won't start"
Underneath this
"If your pills were worth a fuck
You'd get out and HAUL that truck!"
--
Martha Koester "If we knew what we were doing, it
eri...@scn.org wouldn't be research!"--sign on a
coworker's desk
Laura Schooler
:whos periods came regular and stable
:At every full moon with the help of a spoon
: she drank herself under the table
WAYNE WELTY
There once was a fellow named Schneider,
Who imbibed too freely of cider.
En-route to St. Paul,
He crashed a stone wall;
His car is now shorter, but wider.
A gay young man from Leeds,
Swallowed a package of seeds.
Tufts of grass
Grew out of his ass,
And his balls were covered with weeds.
-WW
Bill Willoughby
Had a tool with a corkscrew-shaped head
He found, having hunted
A girl, corkscrew cunted
But alas, with a left-handed thread
Heather Ogden
.........
This space intentionally left blank
How do you know Fred wasn't left-threaded too? The last line should be "But
alas, with a Fred-reversed thread.", which takes care of the problem.
'Twas a hardened old Biblical fossil.
As a find, it seemed hardly colosal,
But from the wonders it wrought,
The Vatican thought
'Twas the peter of Paul the Appostle!
-- Mike "limerick repairs while you wait!" Bartman --
==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Iraqi Bingo B-52..F-16..A-10.. F-18..F-117..B-2
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NAA
>There once was a man from Nantuckett
>Who went to space in a rocket.
>The rocket went BANG!
>His TITS went TWANG!
>And he found his cock in his pocket!!
k murphy
And another...
There once was a man from Nantuckett
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!!
(a trifle ruder, but...)>
>
cl...@hevanet.com
There once was a man from Boston
who had a little red Austin
there was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas
but his balls fell out and he lost'em
William A. Easterling
Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil.
WAEMD - wa...@Ra.MsState.Edu, gray...@cris.com
"If you open your mind up too wide, people will throw trash in it."
Greg Carey
There once was a man with a gun
Who decided to go kill a nun;
The nun remained calm,
And pulled out a bomb,
And blew the man up just for fun.
way...@delphi.com
There once was a man from Alsace
who's balls were constructed of brass.
When he clanged them together
they played Stormy Weather,
and lightning shot out of his ass!
Paul Robinson
children he liked to moleste,
although he liked boys,
he'd use girls as toys,
he'd often fondle their breasts.
There once was a lady named Rose,
who was constantly picking her nose,
'till she poked at her brain,
and then went insane,
but hey, that's just how it goes.
There once was a man named Celeste,
Children he like to moleste,
he found a pre-school,
and started to drool,
now he's charged with both rape and incest.
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Robinson prob...@freenet.columbus.oh.us
"These aren't the droids you're looking for"
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Bill Turner
>There once was a man from Nantucket
>Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
>He said with a grin
>If my ear were a cunt, I'd f*ck it.
>
>
>There once was a woman named Dot
>Who lived on pig sh*t and snot
>When she couldn't get these,
>She'd eat the green cheese,
>which she scraped from the sides of her twat!
>
>There once was a man named Dave
>who had a dead whore in his cave.
>He said, "What the hell,
>Who cares if it smells?"
>"Just think of the money I'll save...
There once was a girl from Seattle
Who was addicted to sucking off cattle
'Til a bull from the south
Shot a load in her mouth
And made her ovaries rattle
Raymond P Fliller
> There once was a man from Nantucket
>
> There once was a woman named Dot
>
> There once was a man named Dave
There once was a man from Peru
Who fell aslep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He played with his penis
And woke with a face fill of goo.
BIG RAY - Physicists do it a quantum at a time.
Anatoly Delm
> There once was a man from Nantucket
> Whose dick was so long he could suck it,
> He said with a grin
> And cum on his chin,
> If my ear were a cunt, I'd f*ck it.
>
>
> There once was a woman named Dot
> Who lived on pig sh*t and snot
> When she couldn't get these,
> She'd eat the green cheese,
> which she scraped from the sides of her twat!
>
> There once was a man named Dave
> who had a dead whore in his cave.
> He said, "What the hell,
> Who cares if it smells?"
> "Just think of the money I'll save...
>
And then there's a story that's fraught
With disaster, of balls that got caught
When a chap took a crap
In the woods and a trap
Underneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought!!
There once was a plumber named Lee,
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
The girl said, "Stop plumbing,
There's somebody coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."