WANTED: "It's so cold..." jokes
Michael Norwick
How Cold Is It?
It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)
It's so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on. :^)
Anyone have any more? It's getting colder outside, and I'm out of jokes!
--
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you and what army?
>
> It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)
>
>
> It's so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on. :^)
>
It's so cold, the hookers in New York are wearing long johns.
It's so cold, the cabbies in New York are wearing turbans.
Katie Sehorn
- Katie
--
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Roger Birch
>How Cold Is It?
It's so damn cold, the whole brass monkey's frozen
Roger
fri...@conval.edu
I need some too, it is -50 with the windchill out here.
Chris
Seymour Dupa
It's so cold, a part of a male's anatomy *completely* dissapears.
- Monologue, Johnny Carson
Geoff Hamer
: How Cold Is It?
: It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)
It's so cold the politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets.
Geoff
Queenan, Aaron
It's so cold it would freeze the ass off a brass monkey.
George Katele
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George
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Stan Knight
>
>How Cold Is It?
>It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)
>It's so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on. :^)
>Anyone have any more? It's getting colder outside, and I'm out of jokes!
Have any more? Sorry buddy but I'm from California and I don't even get
the 1st ones. What's a ear muff anyways? You freezin' or what? I sure
wonder what that's like. <hehehehe>
Stan Knight
|And they call us crazy|
Paul Wootton
warm in their stomachs!
The Gord
*** Gordie McKinnon mcki...@sparc.isl.net ***
*** Northwoods log cabins available on secluded lake. ***
*** It's a nice place to visit but I'd rather live there. ***
wl26...@wvnvms.wvnet.edu
Mike Gerstmann
My wife, she's so cold, when she opens her legs the furnace comes on.
Ta
Mike
Stuart Pressage
You forgot the Spike Milligan classic line....
It's so cold out even the ice is frozen......!!
Stuart
jmc...@delphi.com
Jim.
Dennis Edwards
> It's so COLD that I had to jumpstart my wife this morning.
>
> Jim.
IT'S SO COLD IT COULD FREEZE THE BALLS OFF A POOL TABLE
DENNIS
Bill Fisher
>From: jmc...@delphi.com
>Subject: Re: WANTED: "It's so cold..." jokes
>Date: Mon, 6 Mar 95 00:31:20 -0500
It's so cold that the flashers were going up to women and describing
themselves.
Bri Farenell
Let's put it this way, here in Potsdam during winter, it's not rare
to see the temperature go down to the point where celsius and
farenheit meet. I think that's in the -40 range.
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Daniel J. Kuchar
Colder than a well-digger's ass!
Andre M. da Silva
: Cold....
: Colder than a well-digger's ass!
It's colder than a witches titty!
(from a movie about old men which I forgot the title)
--
Peace,
Andre
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Andre M. da Silva '95 an...@raptor.swarthmore.edu
Swarthmore College (610) 690-5375
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DAIN BRAMAGED
it's so cold, the hookers have their hands in their own pockets.
Dennis Schindler
DB>it's so cold, the hookers have their hands in their own pockets.
An old one from my childhood:
"It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."
Fred
greek god. They both walk around it and look for a long time, then move on.
One says to the other, "His penis sure was big." The other replies, "and
cold too".
rr
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Sanford M. Teller
themselves.
Dave Ratcliffe
- DB>From: lc...@sallie.wellesley.edu (DAIN BRAMAGED)
-
- DB>it's so cold, the hookers have their hands in their own pockets.
-
- An old one from my childhood:
-
- "It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."
First heard this one about 23 years ago when cutting a commercial for a
radio station where I was working at the time:
"It's colder than a witches armpit in a brass overcoat"
--
Dave Ratcliffe da...@frackit.com
Harrisburg, Pa.
Chas Bedford
"It's so cold, my bum's gone to sleep"
"I know, I heard it snoring"
Chas Bedford
Autumn R Spurlock
winter I ever spent was a summer in Montana."
Moonwolf
"It's colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike".
Charles Cranford
>i was talking with a friend at work today and she said, "The coldest
>winter I ever spent was a summer in Montana."
"The coldest winter of my life was in San Francisco one summer..."
c2
Moore, Anthony R
diggers -- destination>." And a line from Henry Blake on M*A*S*H:
"Man, it's cold. Better keep the brass monkeys indoors tonight."
In article <3o1dbl$fq8...@myria.tiac.net> moon...@tiac.net (Moonwolf) writes:
>Or my mother's favorite:
>
>"It's colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike".
>.
Brynn Andrew
: It was so cold in Minneapolis today that the exhibitionists had to describe
: themselves.
It's so cold, people are flicking their bics in their pockets.
(MAD magazine).
--
Brynn Andrew (ban...@concave.cs.wits.ac.za)
Wits University
Johannesburg
South Africa
Indranil Barman
It's cock-freezing cold !
Keith Heob
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s...@axcess.com.my
II>It's cock-freezing cold !
if it's so cold, then build a f*cking fire!
IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMKMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMKMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM9 A X C E S S O N L I N E LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM9
: : PENANG, MALAYSIA. : :
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
Jans Steyn
>From: he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob)
>Subject: Re: "It's so cold
>Date: Sat, 6 May 1995 14:16:22 GMT
>--
From MAD a few years back...
"It's so cold, people are ''Flicking their Bic's'' their pockets."
This space intentionally left blank
>In article <D85uB...@erie.ge.com> he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob) writes:
>>From: he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob)
>>Subject: Re: "It's so cold
>>Date: Sat, 6 May 1995 14:16:22 GMT
>
>>"It's colder than a gravedigger's heart."
It's colder than a welldigger's ass.
-- Mike "or the ass end of a lazy polar bear" Bartman --
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Franco Adkins
Sarah Moore
: Sanford M. Teller (ste...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
: : It was so cold in Minneapolis today that the exhibitionists had to describe
: : themselves.
: It's so cold, people are flicking their bics in their pockets.
: (MAD magazine).
: --
: Brynn Andrew (ban...@concave.cs.wits.ac.za)
: Wits University
: Johannesburg
: South Africa
--
Greg Lind
Allen Osborne ofAoa Assoc
Moore, Anthony R <AMO...@NMU.EDU> wrote:
> Red Skelton said it on TV many years ago. "It's colder than a well
>diggers -- destination>." And a line from Henry Blake on M*A*S*H:
>"Man, it's cold. Better keep the brass monkeys indoors tonight."
>
I just had to make a comment on this - sorry it isn't particularly
funny, but germain. The expression is "cold enough to freeze the
balls off of a brass monkey." What most don't know, is that a
brass monkey is the name given to a box, made out of brass, that
is fastened to the deck of a warship next to the cannon. Cannon
balls are stacked in this box, a layer of 9 (3 X 3), topped with
a layer of 4 and then a single ball on top. The box is just tall
enough to keep the cannon balls from rolling out, normally. But
if the weather gets *real* cold, the brass monkey and the cannon
balls both shrink. Unfortunately, brass shrinks more than iron
cannon balls, and the result is that the brass monkey squeezes the
balls until they pop off and start rolling around the deck - not
a pleasant occurrence. Thus, when the weather is really cold, it
is cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey!
Carl Carter - Allen Osborne Associates
a...@netcom.com
John Mollan - Harm
Carl Koop
>
> It's so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
>
It's so cold, they're still trying to chip the dogs off the fire hydrants!
>
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Andy Middleton x8271
At the risk of being boring it was a Brass Triangle not a box..?
Not unlike the thing used to rack balls in pool...!
peter koller
>
>In article <aoaD8F...@netcom.com>, a...@netcom.com (Allen Osborne ofAoa Assoc) writes:
>
> At the risk of being boring it was a Brass Triangle not a box..?
This theory is nice but very unlikely: why should they have wasted an
expensive and heavy material like brass for a device that could have
been built out of wood? (light, easy to work with, cheap)
Amazing, how boring I can be, isnt it?
PETER
Per Porter
>From: pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at (peter koller)
>Subject: Re: "It's so cold
>PETER
Aha! Ten 25 pound cannon balls dropped into a wooden tray would smash it to
pieces methinks...
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Alex Long
In article <3pt7on$g...@lucom1.edvz.uni-klu.ac.at>, peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) writes:
>In article <3pss8s$l...@eastgate.gpsemi.com>, am...@sage.swindon.gpsemi.com (Andy Middleton x8271) says:
>>
>>In article <aoaD8F...@netcom.com>, a...@netcom.com (Allen Osborne ofAoa Assoc) writes:
>>
>> [describing a brass frame or box to keep cannon balls in a stack]
>>
>> At the risk of being boring it was a Brass Triangle not a box..?
>
>This theory is nice but very unlikely: why should they have wasted an
> expensive and heavy material like brass for a device that could have
>been built out of wood? (light, easy to work with, cheap)
>
>Amazing, how boring I can be, isnt it?
The people who worked in the powder magazines were known as Powder
Monkeys (Still applies today, to people who work with explosives
in construction/mining/demolition).
Cannon balls were put on rails that ran along the scuppers of the
ship, to be easily rolled to whatever cannon needed a reload. The
rails were made of brass, and the balls rolled between the two
rails, more or less the way they store 10-pin bowling bals today.
The connection between the two was one was a powder monkey and the
other was the brass monkey, gets pretty boring doesn't it?
The xpression of freezing the balls of the brass monkey came from
the fact the brass rails changed their length (spacing) in extreme
cold weather, and if the space between the two rails got too
close, the balls fell off them.
This theory doesn't explain what would rpevent the balls from
rolling around while the sheep went through rough seas, but that's
another broing story.
Cheers,
Alex Long
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The Chipster
>In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>, gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele) writes:
>>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!
>It's so cold the brass monkeys are wearing longjohns.
It was soooo cold, we had to open the refrigerator door so
we could warm up the house!
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Fred J. Smigiel
In article <mcause.2...@primenet.com>, mca...@primenet.com (The
wwr...@chmc.org
> >In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>, gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele)
writes:
> >>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!
> >It's so cold the brass monkeys are wearing longjohns.
> It was soooo cold, we had to open the refrigerator door so
> we could warm up the house!
>
Wwrigh
wwrigh-...@nugraphix.com
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From: wwr...@chmc.org
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: "It's so cold..." jokes
Date: 14 Jun 1995 21:52:51 GMT
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Fred J. Smigiel
> >It's so cold the brass monkeys are wearing longjohns.
> It was soooo cold, we had to open the refrigerator door so
> we could warm up the house!
>
It was so cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
What exactly is a brass monkey?
Fred J. Smigiel
>> mca...@primenet.com (The Chipster) writes:
>> >In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>,
gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele)
>writes:
Robert Broussard
>
>What exactly is a brass monkey?
>
held cannon balls in place. Since the rack was made of brass and the
cannon balls were made of iron they expanded and contracted at
different rates. If it got really cold the cannonballs would pop out
of the brass rack and roll around loose on the deck of a ship. That is
where the term "Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" originated.
Bob
Nicolas Bryant
>
>
I may be falling victim to folk-lore here, but I *thinK* his expression
arose in the days of wooden sailing ships. The term "monkey" was used to
refer to small people who had to dash about with gun powder "powder
monkeys" and it came to apply to other naval things too. I can't remember
exactly what a grease monkey is, but I feel sure there is such a thing.
Anyway, a brass monkey was a rack made of brass that was used to store
cannon balls on. Now, as you know, different metals expand or contract at
different rates with increasing or decreasing temperature. Since the
monkey was made of brass and the cannon balls were made of iron, this
meant that the contraction rates as it got colder were different, and
eventually stresses would build up and the cannon balls would fall off
the rack onto the floor. Hence "cold enough to freeze the balls off a
brass monkey."
If anyone can confirm or deny this, feel free.
Nick Bryant.
--
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We're an assimilated faaa-mi-leeeeeee,
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Paul Campbell
Outside the US there is a well known expression:
"It's so cold it would freeze the balls off of a brass monkey"
For some unknown reason 'Merkins don't seem to have brass monkeys,
or balls, or both.
In my home town a local motor bike club would have an annual 'brass
monkey' rally in the middle of the winter where they would drive into
the hills and camp out for a night.
There is a (maybe true) story that the expression dates from the
time of sailing ships with cannon and that the plate that the little
piles of cannon balls sat on next to the cannon (you've seen them
in all those old pirate movies) was called a "monkey" .... when it got
really cold the differential rate of thermal contraction between the
brass plate and the cast iron cannon balls would cause the pile
of cannon balls to collapse. It's probably an urban legend.
Paul
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$cientology - the 'religion' for the '50s, where brainwashing is
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Tony Bennett
|> What exactly, is a Brass Monkey?
|>
|>
|> In article <mcause.2...@primenet.com>, mca...@primenet.com (The
|> Chipster) wrote:
|>
|> gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele) writes:
|> > >>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!
|> >
It was so cold I saw a Tory politician with his hands in his own pockets..
--
Cogito ergo sum AP Bennett ;-)
benn...@ecid.cig.mot.com
Festina lente
Dick Knight
>Anyway, a brass monkey was a rack made of brass that was used to store
>cannon balls on. Now, as you know, different metals expand or contract
at
>different rates with increasing or decreasing temperature. Since the
>monkey was made of brass and the cannon balls were made of iron, this
>meant that the contraction rates as it got colder were different, and
>eventually stresses would build up and the cannon balls would fall off
>the rack onto the floor. Hence "cold enough to freeze the balls off a
>brass monkey."
>
>If anyone can confirm or deny this, feel free.
I am pleased to be able to confirm this. I have heard the "true
explanation of Brass Monkey" many times. It dates back to the times when
Horatio Nelson was a captain - but that's another story.
How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
to get pretty cold in northern US?
Dick
Schuegraf
: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
: to get pretty cold in northern US?
a) because American men don't have balls
or
b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
your choice
peter koller
c) and their monkey isnt out of brass, either! ;-)
Schuegraf
: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) said:
: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: >
: >: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
: >: to get pretty cold in northern US?
: >
: >a) because American men don't have balls
: >or
: >b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
: >
: >your choice
: And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)
<g>
Thank goodness! If their monkeys were made of brass, I would hate to
be on the receiving end on one of those bitterly cold nights....
peter koller
>
>: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
>: to get pretty cold in northern US?
>
>a) because American men don't have balls
>or
>b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
>
>your choice
And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)
PETER
Bill Peacock
>
>In article <3rs7nb$p...@gwen.ibmpcug.co.uk>,
> nic...@ibmPCUG.CO.UK (Nicolas Bryant) wrote:
>>>What exactly is a brass monkey?
>
>>Anyway, a brass monkey was a rack made of brass that was used to store
>>cannon balls on. Now, as you know, different metals expand or contract
>at
>>different rates with increasing or decreasing temperature. Since the
>>monkey was made of brass and the cannon balls were made of iron, this
>>meant that the contraction rates as it got colder were different, and
>>eventually stresses would build up and the cannon balls would fall off
>>the rack onto the floor. Hence "cold enough to freeze the balls off a
>>brass monkey."
>>
>>If anyone can confirm or deny this, feel free.
>
>I am pleased to be able to confirm this. I have heard the "true
>explanation of Brass Monkey" many times. It dates back to the times when
>Horatio Nelson was a captain - but that's another story.
>
>to get pretty cold in northern US?
>
If the balls fell off our brass monkeys, how could they breed? If they
don't breed how could we know about them?
Henry "Farad" Warner
there is more meaning to this, I am unaware of it.
(__)
(oo)
/---++--\/
/ | || ||
* ||-++-||
~~ ~~
Henry T. Warner Reality is for people with
hewa...@nmsu.edu no imagination
peter koller
>
>peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) wrote:
>: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) said:
>: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>: >
>: >a) because American men don't have balls
>: >or
>: >b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
>: >
>: >your choice
>
>: And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)
>
>
>Thank goodness! If their monkeys were made of brass, I would hate to
>be on the receiving end on one of those bitterly cold nights....
Spoilsport!
PETER
Schuegraf
: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) says:
: >peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) wrote:
: >: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) said:
: >: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: >: >
: >: >: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I
: >: >
: >: >a) because American men don't have balls
: >: >or
: >: >b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
: >: >
: >: >your choice
: >
: >: And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)
: >
: ><g>
: >
: >Thank goodness! If their monkeys were made of brass, I would hate to
: >be on the receiving end on one of those bitterly cold nights....
: Spoilsport!
Moi? How could you??!?
A. C. DeBuigny
Dave Phillips
Frank Reid
> Why its as cold as a cast iron commode!!!!
>
"Bring all your brass monkeys inside tonight!"
--
Frank reid@indiana.e
Kent Rol
https://humornama.com/jokes/its-so-cold-jokes/