Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss

WANTED: "It's so cold..." jokes

1,479 views
Skip to first unread message

Michael Norwick

unread,
Feb 3, 1995, 4:15:40 PM2/3/95
to

How Cold Is It?


It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)


It's so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on. :^)


Anyone have any more? It's getting colder outside, and I'm out of jokes!

--
+-------------------------------+---------------------------------------------+
| Michael Norwick *HAVE A DAY* | "Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth |
| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :-I +--+ it to gnaw through the leather straps." |
| mike...@lynx.neu.edu | --Emo Philips |
| FINGER FOR PGP PUBLIC KEY +------------------------------------------------+
+----------------------------+

you and what army?

unread,
Feb 3, 1995, 8:44:30 PM2/3/95
to
On 3 Feb 1995, Michael Norwick wrote:

>
> It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)
>
>
> It's so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on. :^)
>

It's so cold, the hookers in New York are wearing long johns.
It's so cold, the cabbies in New York are wearing turbans.

Katie Sehorn

unread,
Feb 4, 1995, 2:57:00 PM2/4/95
to
It's so cold, the flashers are describing themselves to people.

- Katie
--
Send meaningful responses, hugs and flames to: seh...@willamette.edu

"There's a line between fantasy and reality, I guess...." - Ellen Gilchrist

Roger Birch

unread,
Feb 5, 1995, 5:16:02 AM2/5/95
to
>
>How Cold Is It?

It's so damn cold, the whole brass monkey's frozen
Roger

fri...@conval.edu

unread,
Feb 7, 1995, 1:01:14 AM2/7/95
to

I need some too, it is -50 with the windchill out here.
Chris

Seymour Dupa

unread,
Feb 7, 1995, 10:26:49 AM2/7/95
to

It's so cold, a part of a male's anatomy *completely* dissapears.

- Monologue, Johnny Carson

Geoff Hamer

unread,
Feb 7, 1995, 4:57:52 PM2/7/95
to
Michael Norwick (mike...@lynx.dac.neu.edu) wrote:

: How Cold Is It?


: It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)

It's so cold the politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets.

Geoff

Queenan, Aaron

unread,
Feb 7, 1995, 10:22:13 PM2/7/95
to
It's so cold you can warm your hands on the steam from your p*ss.
It's so cold it would freeze the ass off a brass monkey.

George Katele

unread,
Feb 9, 1995, 10:28:56 AM2/9/95
to
It's colder than a kiss from my ex-wife.

--
George

============================================================================
|internet: gka...@interaccess.com | "Sooner or later, you'll need |
|aol:g_ka...@aol.com | a general....." |
|compuserve:71652...@compuserve.com | |
============================================================================

Stan Knight

unread,
Feb 13, 1995, 6:20:42 PM2/13/95
to
In article <3gu6ds$5...@lynx.dac.neu.edu> mike...@lynx.dac.neu.edu (Michael Norwick) writes:
>
>How Cold Is It?

>It's so cold out, even Van Gogh has his ear muff on. :^)

>It's so cold out, even the ducks have their down jackets on. :^)

>Anyone have any more? It's getting colder outside, and I'm out of jokes!

Have any more? Sorry buddy but I'm from California and I don't even get
the 1st ones. What's a ear muff anyways? You freezin' or what? I sure
wonder what that's like. <hehehehe>

Stan Knight
|And they call us crazy|

Paul Wootton

unread,
Feb 13, 1995, 6:37:32 PM2/13/95
to
Its so cold, prostitues give you a free blow job just to get something
warm in their stomachs!


The Gord

unread,
Feb 14, 1995, 10:25:56 AM2/14/95
to
It's so cold out, you could freeze the balls off a pool table!

*** Gordie McKinnon mcki...@sparc.isl.net ***
*** Northwoods log cabins available on secluded lake. ***
*** It's a nice place to visit but I'd rather live there. ***

wl26...@wvnvms.wvnet.edu

unread,
Feb 14, 1995, 6:25:27 PM2/14/95
to
It's so cold, even the penguins are flying south for the winter.

Mike Gerstmann

unread,
Feb 16, 1995, 11:58:20 AM2/16/95
to
Rodney Dangerfield once said:

My wife, she's so cold, when she opens her legs the furnace comes on.

Ta
Mike

Stuart Pressage

unread,
Feb 17, 1995, 5:54:42 AM2/17/95
to

You forgot the Spike Milligan classic line....

It's so cold out even the ice is frozen......!!


Stuart

jmc...@delphi.com

unread,
Mar 6, 1995, 12:31:20 AM3/6/95
to
It's so COLD that I had to jumpstart my wife this morning.

Jim.

Dennis Edwards

unread,
Mar 8, 1995, 2:27:35 PM3/8/95
to

> It's so COLD that I had to jumpstart my wife this morning.
>
> Jim.

IT'S SO COLD IT COULD FREEZE THE BALLS OFF A POOL TABLE
DENNIS

Bill Fisher

unread,
Apr 17, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/17/95
to
In article <J0z59NQ...@delphi.com> jmc...@delphi.com writes:
>From: jmc...@delphi.com
>Subject: Re: WANTED: "It's so cold..." jokes
>Date: Mon, 6 Mar 95 00:31:20 -0500

It's so cold that the flashers were going up to women and describing
themselves.

Bri Farenell

unread,
Apr 18, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/18/95
to
Bill Fisher (wfi...@mcs.com) wrote:

Let's put it this way, here in Potsdam during winter, it's not rare
to see the temperature go down to the point where celsius and
farenheit meet. I think that's in the -40 range.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bri Farenell EMAIL: fare...@craft.camp.clarkson.edu
WWW: http://fire.camp.clarkson.edu/~farenebt MY RESUME: */resume.html
SOCCER (w/UEFA RESULTS): */soccer.html AHL PLAYOFFS INFO: */playsked.html
Hey parents: kids' sports belong to the kids! Go Adirondack Red Wings!
_______________________________________________________________________________

Daniel J. Kuchar

unread,
Apr 22, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/22/95
to
Cold....

Colder than a well-digger's ass!


Andre M. da Silva

unread,
Apr 24, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/24/95
to
Daniel J. Kuchar (dku...@oeonline.com) wrote:
: Cold....

: Colder than a well-digger's ass!

It's colder than a witches titty!
(from a movie about old men which I forgot the title)

--

Peace,

Andre


FLAME-RETARDING DISCLAIMER:

"A man may count himself happy in having license to slander; but he will
be far happier if deprived entirely of that liberty. Then he can drop
the silly pose of superiority and take the opportunity to raise what
objection he likes, as one really interested in getting to know; he can
ask his questions in a spirit of friendly discussion, and listen when
those whom he consults do their best to give a courteous, serious, and
frank reply."
St. Augustine, City of God, Bk V.26


Andre M. da Silva '95 an...@raptor.swarthmore.edu
Swarthmore College (610) 690-5375
Swarthmore, PA 19081 Hallowell 313

DAIN BRAMAGED

unread,
Apr 28, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/28/95
to

it's so cold, the hookers have their hands in their own pockets.

Dennis Schindler

unread,
Apr 29, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/29/95
to
DB>From: lc...@sallie.wellesley.edu (DAIN BRAMAGED)

DB>it's so cold, the hookers have their hands in their own pockets.

An old one from my childhood:

"It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."

Fred

unread,
Apr 29, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/29/95
to
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and come upon a statue of a
greek god. They both walk around it and look for a long time, then move on.
One says to the other, "His penis sure was big." The other replies, "and
cold too".

rr

_____________________________________________________________________
| Fred |
| mac...@deltanet.com |
| Anarchy works, Censorship does not! Stop Congress NOW!!!!!!!!!! |
| Your opinions may vary. If so, you are probably wrong. <g> |
|Due to technical difficulties, reality has been temporarily suspended.|
| Dogbert in '96 |
| |
|______________________________________________________________________|

Sanford M. Teller

unread,
Apr 30, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/30/95
to
It was so cold in Minneapolis today that the exhibitionists had to describe
themselves.

Dave Ratcliffe

unread,
Apr 30, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/30/95
to
In article <95042901...@nwcs.org>, dennis.s...@nwcs.org (Dennis Schindler) writes:
- DB>From: lc...@sallie.wellesley.edu (DAIN BRAMAGED)
-
- DB>it's so cold, the hookers have their hands in their own pockets.
-
- An old one from my childhood:
-
- "It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."

First heard this one about 23 years ago when cutting a commercial for a
radio station where I was working at the time:

"It's colder than a witches armpit in a brass overcoat"

--
Dave Ratcliffe da...@frackit.com
Harrisburg, Pa.

Chas Bedford

unread,
Apr 30, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/30/95
to
Two men in a bus queue

"It's so cold, my bum's gone to sleep"
"I know, I heard it snoring"

Chas Bedford

chas...@chas.demon.co.uk
chas...@cix.compulink.co.uk

Autumn R Spurlock

unread,
Apr 30, 1995, 3:00:00 AM4/30/95
to
i was talking with a friend at work today and she said, "The coldest
winter I ever spent was a summer in Montana."

Moonwolf

unread,
May 1, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/1/95
to
Or my mother's favorite:

"It's colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike".

Charles Cranford

unread,
May 1, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/1/95
to
In rec.humor Autumn R Spurlock <stu...@selway.umt.edu> said:


>i was talking with a friend at work today and she said, "The coldest
>winter I ever spent was a summer in Montana."

Which, of course, is a take-off on the famous Mark Twain line:
"The coldest winter of my life was in San Francisco one summer..."

c2

Moore, Anthony R

unread,
May 2, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/2/95
to
Red Skelton said it on TV many years ago. "It's colder than a well
diggers -- destination>." And a line from Henry Blake on M*A*S*H:
"Man, it's cold. Better keep the brass monkeys indoors tonight."

In article <3o1dbl$fq8...@myria.tiac.net> moon...@tiac.net (Moonwolf) writes:
>Or my mother's favorite:
>
>"It's colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike".
>.
>.


Brynn Andrew

unread,
May 3, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/3/95
to
Sanford M. Teller (ste...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
: It was so cold in Minneapolis today that the exhibitionists had to describe
: themselves.


It's so cold, people are flicking their bics in their pockets.
(MAD magazine).

--
Brynn Andrew (ban...@concave.cs.wits.ac.za)
Wits University
Johannesburg
South Africa

Indranil Barman

unread,
May 5, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/5/95
to

It's cock-freezing cold !

Keith Heob

unread,
May 6, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/6/95
to
"It's colder than a gravedigger's heart."

--

===================================================================
| Keith Heob (S/W Eng At-Large)| GE DialComm: 8*348-5969 |
| GE Transportation Systems | Tel: (814) 875-5969 |
| 2901 E Lake Rd, Bldg 63-2 | FAX: (814) 875-5565 |
| Erie, PA 16531 USA | Internet: he...@crypt.erie.ge.com |
===================================================================

s...@axcess.com.my

unread,
May 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/7/95
to


II>It's cock-freezing cold !

if it's so cold, then build a f*cking fire!


IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMKMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMKMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM9 A X C E S S O N L I N E LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM9
: : PENANG, MALAYSIA. : :
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<

Jans Steyn

unread,
May 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/8/95
to
In article <D85uB...@erie.ge.com> he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob) writes:
>From: he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob)
>Subject: Re: "It's so cold
>Date: Sat, 6 May 1995 14:16:22 GMT

>--

From MAD a few years back...

"It's so cold, people are ''Flicking their Bic's'' their pockets."


This space intentionally left blank

unread,
May 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/9/95
to
In article <jsteyn.12...@dos-lan.cs.up.ac.za>, jst...@dos-lan.cs.up.ac.za (Jans Steyn) writes:
>In article <D85uB...@erie.ge.com> he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob) writes:
>>From: he...@erie.ge.com (Keith Heob)
>>Subject: Re: "It's so cold
>>Date: Sat, 6 May 1995 14:16:22 GMT
>
>>"It's colder than a gravedigger's heart."

It's colder than a welldigger's ass.

-- Mike "or the ass end of a lazy polar bear" Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said. You probably didn't read |
| what you thought you read. Statistics show that this whole thing is more |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding. |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Franco Adkins

unread,
May 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/9/95
to
How about : It's so cold, I had to chip the dog off the fire hydrant.

Sarah Moore

unread,
May 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/10/95
to
Brynn Andrew (ban...@concave.cs.wits.ac.za) wrote:

: Sanford M. Teller (ste...@nyc.pipeline.com) wrote:
: : It was so cold in Minneapolis today that the exhibitionists had to describe
: : themselves.


: It's so cold, people are flicking their bics in their pockets.
: (MAD magazine).

: --
: Brynn Andrew (ban...@concave.cs.wits.ac.za)
: Wits University
: Johannesburg
: South Africa

--


Greg Lind

unread,
May 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/10/95
to
It's so cold you cut cut glass with my nipples.
--
Greg Lind
li...@llnl.gov

Allen Osborne ofAoa Assoc

unread,
May 12, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/12/95
to
In article <02MAY95.00...@vm.nmu.edu>,

Moore, Anthony R <AMO...@NMU.EDU> wrote:
> Red Skelton said it on TV many years ago. "It's colder than a well
>diggers -- destination>." And a line from Henry Blake on M*A*S*H:
>"Man, it's cold. Better keep the brass monkeys indoors tonight."
>

I just had to make a comment on this - sorry it isn't particularly
funny, but germain. The expression is "cold enough to freeze the
balls off of a brass monkey." What most don't know, is that a
brass monkey is the name given to a box, made out of brass, that
is fastened to the deck of a warship next to the cannon. Cannon
balls are stacked in this box, a layer of 9 (3 X 3), topped with
a layer of 4 and then a single ball on top. The box is just tall
enough to keep the cannon balls from rolling out, normally. But
if the weather gets *real* cold, the brass monkey and the cannon
balls both shrink. Unfortunately, brass shrinks more than iron
cannon balls, and the result is that the brass monkey squeezes the
balls until they pop off and start rolling around the deck - not
a pleasant occurrence. Thus, when the weather is really cold, it
is cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey!

Carl Carter - Allen Osborne Associates
a...@netcom.com

John Mollan - Harm

unread,
May 12, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/12/95
to
It's so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Carl Koop

unread,
May 17, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/17/95
to
jmo...@egreen.iclnet.org (John Mollan - Harm) wrote:
>
> It's so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
>

It's so cold, they're still trying to chip the dogs off the fire hydrants!
>
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Carl Koop |
| Evolving Systems, Inc. 303/689-1144 Voice |
| 8000 E. Maplewood Ave. 303/689-1399 FAX |
| Englewood, CO 80111 c...@evolving.com Email |
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and |
| heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope |
| of ever behaving "normally." |
| -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72" |
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+


Andy Middleton x8271

unread,
May 23, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/23/95
to

At the risk of being boring it was a Brass Triangle not a box..?
Not unlike the thing used to rack balls in pool...!

peter koller

unread,
May 23, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/23/95
to
In article <3pss8s$l...@eastgate.gpsemi.com>, am...@sage.swindon.gpsemi.com (Andy Middleton x8271) says:
>
>In article <aoaD8F...@netcom.com>, a...@netcom.com (Allen Osborne ofAoa Assoc) writes:
>
> [describing a brass frame or box to keep cannon balls in a stack]
>
> At the risk of being boring it was a Brass Triangle not a box..?

This theory is nice but very unlikely: why should they have wasted an
expensive and heavy material like brass for a device that could have
been built out of wood? (light, easy to work with, cheap)

Amazing, how boring I can be, isnt it?

PETER

Per Porter

unread,
May 26, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/26/95
to
In article <3pt7on$g...@lucom1.edvz.uni-klu.ac.at> pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at (peter koller) writes:
>From: pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at (peter koller)

>Subject: Re: "It's so cold
>Date: 23 May 1995 17:58:47 GMT

>PETER

Aha! Ten 25 pound cannon balls dropped into a wooden tray would smash it to
pieces methinks...

----------------------------------------------------------------
"Take Nothing but Pictures
Leave nothing but footprints
Kill nothing but time" (Motto of the Baltimore Grotto)
por...@logica.com | Disclaimer: The opinions voiced
+44 (0)171 637 9111 x5173 | herein are, let's face it, daft.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Long

unread,
May 29, 1995, 3:00:00 AM5/29/95
to

In article <3pt7on$g...@lucom1.edvz.uni-klu.ac.at>, peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) writes:
>In article <3pss8s$l...@eastgate.gpsemi.com>, am...@sage.swindon.gpsemi.com (Andy Middleton x8271) says:
>>
>>In article <aoaD8F...@netcom.com>, a...@netcom.com (Allen Osborne ofAoa Assoc) writes:
>>
>> [describing a brass frame or box to keep cannon balls in a stack]
>>
>> At the risk of being boring it was a Brass Triangle not a box..?
>
>This theory is nice but very unlikely: why should they have wasted an
> expensive and heavy material like brass for a device that could have
>been built out of wood? (light, easy to work with, cheap)
>
>Amazing, how boring I can be, isnt it?
Another explanation I have heard goes like this.

The people who worked in the powder magazines were known as Powder
Monkeys (Still applies today, to people who work with explosives
in construction/mining/demolition).

Cannon balls were put on rails that ran along the scuppers of the
ship, to be easily rolled to whatever cannon needed a reload. The
rails were made of brass, and the balls rolled between the two
rails, more or less the way they store 10-pin bowling bals today.

The connection between the two was one was a powder monkey and the
other was the brass monkey, gets pretty boring doesn't it?

The xpression of freezing the balls of the brass monkey came from
the fact the brass rails changed their length (spacing) in extreme
cold weather, and if the space between the two rails got too
close, the balls fell off them.

This theory doesn't explain what would rpevent the balls from
rolling around while the sheep went through rough seas, but that's
another broing story.

Cheers,
Alex Long

--
, \ / ,
/ \ )\__/( / \
/ \ (_\ /_) / \
______________________/_____\__\@ @/___/_____\________________
|paladin.along.dialix.oz.au |
|Alex Long |
|Adelaide, South Australia |
|_______________________________________________________________|
|Billy, in one of his nice new sashes, |
|Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes; |
|Now, although the rom grows chilly, |
|I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy. Harry Graham. |
+_______________________________________________________________+
| /\ / \\ \ /\ |
| / V )) V \ |
|/ ` // ' \|
` V '

_

The Chipster

unread,
Jun 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/9/95
to

>In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>, gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele) writes:
>>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!

>It's so cold the brass monkeys are wearing longjohns.

It was soooo cold, we had to open the refrigerator door so
we could warm up the house!

__\/__
/ ^ ^ \
(\| (o)(o) |/)
----------------------oOOOo--oo--oOOOo------------------------------
| Marshall "Chip" Ause | | Internet: mca...@primenet.com |
--------------------------------------------------------------------
| Quote for the Week: |
| |
| Nobody ever went broke under-estimating the good taste of the |
| American public... |
| |
| Phineas Taylor ("P.T.") Barnum |
| |
----------------------------------Oooo.-----------------------------
.oooO ( )
( ) ) /
\ ( (_/
\_)

Fred J. Smigiel

unread,
Jun 13, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/13/95
to
What exactly, is a Brass Monkey?


In article <mcause.2...@primenet.com>, mca...@primenet.com (The

wwr...@chmc.org

unread,
Jun 14, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/14/95
to
> mca...@primenet.com (The Chipster) writes:
> >In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>, gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele)
writes:
> >>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!
> >It's so cold the brass monkeys are wearing longjohns.
> It was soooo cold, we had to open the refrigerator door so
> we could warm up the house!
>
It was so cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


Wwrigh

unread,
Jun 14, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/14/95
to
Fm IntrNet: wwr...@chmc.org [rec.humor]

wwrigh-...@nugraphix.com

unread,
Jun 14, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/14/95
to


--- Internet Message Header Follows ---
Path:
noc.tor.hookup.net!remus.wat.hookup.net!hookup!usenet.eel.ufl.edu!news.ultranet.com!news.sprintlink.net!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!news.uoregon.edu!news.u.washington.edu!root
From: wwr...@chmc.org
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: "It's so cold..." jokes
Date: 14 Jun 1995 21:52:51 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
Lines: 20
Message-ID: <3rnlnj$3...@nntp5.u.washington.edu>
References: <mcause.2...@primenet.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: mrnatural.chmc.org
X-Newsreader: AIR News 3.X (SPRY, Inc.)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The views expressed in this message are those of the author(s) only.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent via nuNet Alpha * a nugraphix service @ (416) 665-5541
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fred J. Smigiel

unread,
Jun 15, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/15/95
to
> >>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!
> >It's so cold the brass monkeys are wearing longjohns.
> It was soooo cold, we had to open the refrigerator door so
> we could warm up the house!
>
It was so cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

What exactly is a brass monkey?

Fred J. Smigiel

unread,
Jun 15, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/15/95
to
wwr...@chmc.org wrote:
>> mca...@primenet.com (The Chipster) writes:
>> >In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>,
gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele)
>writes:

Robert Broussard

unread,
Jun 16, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/16/95
to
*lots of stuff removed*

>
>What exactly is a brass monkey?
>
A Brass Monkey is a brass rack used on early sailing/warships that
held cannon balls in place. Since the rack was made of brass and the
cannon balls were made of iron they expanded and contracted at
different rates. If it got really cold the cannonballs would pop out
of the brass rack and roll around loose on the deck of a ship. That is
where the term "Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" originated.

Bob


Nicolas Bryant

unread,
Jun 16, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/16/95
to
>What exactly is a brass monkey?
>
>

I may be falling victim to folk-lore here, but I *thinK* his expression
arose in the days of wooden sailing ships. The term "monkey" was used to
refer to small people who had to dash about with gun powder "powder
monkeys" and it came to apply to other naval things too. I can't remember
exactly what a grease monkey is, but I feel sure there is such a thing.

Anyway, a brass monkey was a rack made of brass that was used to store
cannon balls on. Now, as you know, different metals expand or contract at
different rates with increasing or decreasing temperature. Since the
monkey was made of brass and the cannon balls were made of iron, this
meant that the contraction rates as it got colder were different, and
eventually stresses would build up and the cannon balls would fall off
the rack onto the floor. Hence "cold enough to freeze the balls off a
brass monkey."

If anyone can confirm or deny this, feel free.

Nick Bryant.

--
"I love yoooooou, you love meeeeeeeee,
We're an assimilated faaa-mi-leeeeeee,
Despite my cybernetics I'm a purple paedophile,
And Reeee-zisss-tunce is quite Fu-tile. " -- Barney of Borg.

Paul Campbell

unread,
Jun 16, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/16/95
to
In article <1995Jun15.2...@den.mmc.com>

"Fred J. Smigiel" <Fred.J....@den.mmc.com> writes:
>
> What exactly is a brass monkey?
>

Outside the US there is a well known expression:

"It's so cold it would freeze the balls off of a brass monkey"

For some unknown reason 'Merkins don't seem to have brass monkeys,
or balls, or both.

In my home town a local motor bike club would have an annual 'brass
monkey' rally in the middle of the winter where they would drive into
the hills and camp out for a night.

There is a (maybe true) story that the expression dates from the
time of sailing ships with cannon and that the plate that the little
piles of cannon balls sat on next to the cannon (you've seen them
in all those old pirate movies) was called a "monkey" .... when it got
really cold the differential rate of thermal contraction between the
brass plate and the cast iron cannon balls would cause the pile
of cannon balls to collapse. It's probably an urban legend.

Paul

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Campbell - Taniwha Systems Design - Oakland CA USA
$cientology - the 'religion' for the '50s, where brainwashing is
a sacrament - if you think your newsgroup has wackos check out
alt.religion.scientology!

Tony Bennett

unread,
Jun 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/19/95
to
In article <fred.j.smigiel-...@160.205.49.80>, fred.j....@den.mmc.com (Fred J. Smigiel) writes:
|> What exactly, is a Brass Monkey?
|>
|>
|> In article <mcause.2...@primenet.com>, mca...@primenet.com (The
|> Chipster) wrote:
|>
|> > >In article <gkatele-1902...@d41.net.interaccess.com>,
|> gka...@interaccess.com (George Katele) writes:
|> > >>It's colder than a kiss from my first wife!
|> >

It was so cold I saw a Tory politician with his hands in his own pockets..

--

Cogito ergo sum AP Bennett ;-)
benn...@ecid.cig.mot.com


Festina lente

Dick Knight

unread,
Jun 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/19/95
to
In article <3rs7nb$p...@gwen.ibmpcug.co.uk>,

nic...@ibmPCUG.CO.UK (Nicolas Bryant) wrote:
>>What exactly is a brass monkey?

>Anyway, a brass monkey was a rack made of brass that was used to store

>cannon balls on. Now, as you know, different metals expand or contract
at
>different rates with increasing or decreasing temperature. Since the
>monkey was made of brass and the cannon balls were made of iron, this
>meant that the contraction rates as it got colder were different, and
>eventually stresses would build up and the cannon balls would fall off
>the rack onto the floor. Hence "cold enough to freeze the balls off a
>brass monkey."
>
>If anyone can confirm or deny this, feel free.

I am pleased to be able to confirm this. I have heard the "true
explanation of Brass Monkey" many times. It dates back to the times when
Horatio Nelson was a captain - but that's another story.

How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
to get pretty cold in northern US?

Dick

Schuegraf

unread,
Jun 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/19/95
to
Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:

: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it

: to get pretty cold in northern US?

a) because American men don't have balls
or
b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.

your choice

peter koller

unread,
Jun 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/19/95
to

c) and their monkey isnt out of brass, either! ;-)


Schuegraf

unread,
Jun 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/19/95
to
peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) wrote:
: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) said:

: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: >
: >: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
: >: to get pretty cold in northern US?
: >
: >a) because American men don't have balls
: >or
: >b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
: >
: >your choice

: And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)

<g>

Thank goodness! If their monkeys were made of brass, I would hate to
be on the receiving end on one of those bitterly cold nights....

peter koller

unread,
Jun 19, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/19/95
to
In article <3s3s2j$8...@noc.usfca.edu>, schu...@ac.usfca.edu (Schuegraf) says:
>
>Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>
>: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
>: to get pretty cold in northern US?
>
>a) because American men don't have balls
>or
>b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
>
>your choice

And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)

PETER

Bill Peacock

unread,
Jun 20, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/20/95
to
In article <3s3no2$dp0...@axion.bt.co.uk>, r...@geatland.bt.co.uk (Dick Knight) says:
>
>In article <3rs7nb$p...@gwen.ibmpcug.co.uk>,
> nic...@ibmPCUG.CO.UK (Nicolas Bryant) wrote:
>>>What exactly is a brass monkey?
>
>>Anyway, a brass monkey was a rack made of brass that was used to store
>>cannon balls on. Now, as you know, different metals expand or contract
>at
>>different rates with increasing or decreasing temperature. Since the
>>monkey was made of brass and the cannon balls were made of iron, this
>>meant that the contraction rates as it got colder were different, and
>>eventually stresses would build up and the cannon balls would fall off
>>the rack onto the floor. Hence "cold enough to freeze the balls off a
>>brass monkey."
>>
>>If anyone can confirm or deny this, feel free.
>
>I am pleased to be able to confirm this. I have heard the "true
>explanation of Brass Monkey" many times. It dates back to the times when
>Horatio Nelson was a captain - but that's another story.
>
>How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
>to get pretty cold in northern US?
>
>Dick
If the balls fell off our brass monkeys, how could they breed? If they
don't breed how could we know about them?

Henry "Farad" Warner

unread,
Jun 20, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/20/95
to
whenever I heard this term used, it was in reference to a mechanic. If
there is more meaning to this, I am unaware of it.

(__)
(oo)
/---++--\/
/ | || ||
* ||-++-||
~~ ~~
Henry T. Warner Reality is for people with
hewa...@nmsu.edu no imagination

peter koller

unread,
Jun 21, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/21/95
to
In article <3s4vbt$g...@noc.usfca.edu>, schu...@ac.usfca.edu (Schuegraf) says:
>
>peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) wrote:
>: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) said:
>: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
>: >
>: >: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I understood it
>: >: to get pretty cold in northern US?
>: >
>: >a) because American men don't have balls

>: >or
>: >b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
>: >
>: >your choice
>
>: And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)
>
><g>
>
>Thank goodness! If their monkeys were made of brass, I would hate to
>be on the receiving end on one of those bitterly cold nights....

Spoilsport!

PETER

Schuegraf

unread,
Jun 22, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/22/95
to
peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) wrote:

: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) says:
: >peter koller (pko...@edu.uni-klu.ac.at) wrote:
: >: Schuegraf (schu...@ac.usfca.edu) said:
: >: >Dick Knight (r...@geatland.bt.co.uk) wrote:
: >: >
: >: >: How come Americans have no knowledge of brass monkey's? I
: >: >: understand it to get pretty cold in northern US?

: >: >
: >: >a) because American men don't have balls
: >: >or
: >: >b) because American men's balls can withstand any temperature.
: >: >
: >: >your choice
: >
: >: And their monkey isnt out of brass, either ;-)
: >
: ><g>
: >
: >Thank goodness! If their monkeys were made of brass, I would hate to
: >be on the receiving end on one of those bitterly cold nights....

: Spoilsport!

Moi? How could you??!?

A. C. DeBuigny

unread,
Jun 26, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/26/95
to
Why its as cold as a cast iron commode!!!!

Dave Phillips

unread,
Jun 26, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/26/95
to

Frank Reid

unread,
Jun 27, 1995, 3:00:00 AM6/27/95
to
In Article <3sl871$m...@gandalf.pic.net> "debu...@pic.net (A. C. DeBuigny)" says:
> Why its as cold as a cast iron commode!!!!
>

Part of local radio station's weather forecast last winter:
"Bring all your brass monkeys inside tonight!"

--

Frank reid@indiana.e

Message has been deleted

Kent Rol

unread,
Oct 31, 2022, 4:10:15 AM10/31/22
to
How cold is it outside? It’s so cold that you have come to read HumorNama’s Jokes to get used to some warm laughs.
https://humornama.com/jokes/its-so-cold-jokes/
0 new messages